future girl

ah, new wave. i've been listening to it since i was like 7, i love the over all corniness of it. it's cool, i really like it, and their hair, ah, those were the days:)

my grandfather on my father's side was shot by his adopted son in the back a while before i was born. rumor has it he was a bad man. my granfather on my mother's side died of diabetes a while before i was born. rumor has it he was a bad man. my grandmother on my mother's side i knew, but she never really liked me. she had an agenda against my mother, really hates her. she's dead now. . .my grandmother, not my mother. my grandmother on my mother's side is still alive, but she looks at me funny and hides food in weird places because she thinks ppl will eat it. she always tells me, respect. . .that's it, she sees me, says "respect" then walks away. . .she also tells me, o you're so pretty, just if you blah blah blah. *shrug* i haven't seen her in a while, she lives in Nicaragua.

my mom, she blows on diffucult to untie knots, and um, howls to put my nephews to sleep, makes tea out of everything, from grass to lettuce to whatever you give her, sleeps on the couch even though there are many free beds, um, there's more, but it's late

First Kiss: Steve (he's gay now, hooray:P) Age:(10th grade) How Was It: hilarious. it was a sort of practice kiss or something. and so first i felt his lips against mine and that wasn't so bad. but THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN, i felt his tongue on my bottom lip and i freaked out. i pushed him away and started shaking my head. . .i'm not too proud of that moment Circumstances: Practice kiss, P.E.

they're still illegal in florida???? after the first year, i thought that went away. . .o well, i've commited a crime. . .

i had anemia when i was ten, they make you take some iron pill and eat liver. you won't die though. . .but, you shouldn't give birth though, that can get complicated. . .

i saw this a while ago, i thought it was good. i thought the music fit the story. i'm guessing the boy staying in the city was sorta like in the face of dispair there was still hope or something like that. *shrug* i understand things much better inside my head :whoops:

i played Ceaser too. [SIZE=1](yup im a she)[/SIZE] it was fun :D i've never seen the TNT movie, i only saw the really old one with that guy, wow i forgot his name. . .but yea, the really old one and read the play

I saw Dancer in the Dark and that movie is just plain sad, i don't think boring though, she gave a good performance in my oppinion. the director said the same, but that he would NEVER work with her again. too many tantrums. i like Björk, but i have to admit her dress at the acadamy awards i did not like. although, she wears the same dress on the cover of her Vespertine album and it looks a lot better. i guess, when you actually see her moving and stuff with it on it just sorta reminds me of a dead and skinned swans *shrug* anyway, i think Björk is great, but then again she has her moments. i think some of her songs set the mood for depression and there are songs of hers that really don't fit into any of my moods. there are A LOT of unreleased songs and the Icelandic ones that Americans haven't heard of, those are often times the best. *nods* Better No???? [IMG]http://www.suodenjoki.dk/nyheder/images/bjork.gif[/IMG]

i can't take my sibling with me, they're all WAY over 21. i'm the youngest daughter. my dad lives with me, but both of them are victims of very primitive thinking. they're from nicaragua, and they were both raised this way, even worse. in nicaruagua, you get smacked around, beat up and it's all part of parenting. it's normal. i know it isn't here, and i know that if i wanted to i could get taken away from this, and you might very well think me stupid for this, but i can't bring myself to do that to my mom. when she hits me i run, i dodge, lock my door. i don't think she's a bad person, i don't think she means well either, but if i ever did this to her i dont' know about how i would feel about it inside, i mean, it's hard to explain. my mom's treatment of me is no secret, my dad even says i deserve it. but he's an idiot and should be hit by a truck. my sister grew up like this, but they had a lot more freedom than me, they were able to get away. they had a car, they went to school together, they had a lot of friends, ppl to visit, ways to get away, and the same for my brothers. you know they had each other, i don't have them. they're grown up, and i'm left alone with her.

has anyone heard her???? i never hear anyone talk about her and i think she's great, icelandic soul siren. she has a wonderful voice, it very raw and yet soft and almost caressing. i think it's awe inspiring the way it can match almost any backgorund from a string quartet to hard industrial sounds, i think it's amaznig what she can do with her voice, i love her. anyone else??? any opininons???

hahahahahah, if you're really cheap you can do what we did for our ant problem: hairspray and clorox. there is not one ant in our house now:D

no, you don't do that, you don't talk to my mom 'cuz if you do all you get is slapped or mocked, i once wrote my mom a letter and it was like a thank you letter for her b-day and she made fun of me because of it. i got so pissed i snuck into her room and burned it. my mom is not a a person you can reason with, it's either her way or no way at all. once i remember i had to write a report and it was due the next day, but she wanted me to wash the dishes. i told her my grades were more important and that i would wash the dishes later. she got mad at me and started yelling and i got so mad i started crying. then because i was crying, she said she was gonna make me cry "for real" and so she started hitting me. i got even madder and as she walked away i started punching this desk and my whole forearm was purple and skin was dangling off it. she got mad and hit me again. you can't disucss things with her because she's the fucking devil. i am virtually six months away from being 18 and yet that does not signify freedom, i am stuck here for another three years 'til i have enough money to go where i want to go. i don't want to run away because i don't want to depend on anyone. and if i ran away that would just make her mad and give her an actual reason to throw everything she throws in my face. to be truthful, i really don't care whether my mother loves me or not. i just want her to give me the respect i deserve. i don't want to be "her property" as she says i am. i want to be left alone,i want peace. eventually i know she'll have it. i think the reason my mother treats me like she does is because i don't need her like my other siblings do. i can do perfectly fine without her, unlike my brothers and sisters, that be it for emotional or otherwise cling to her skirts. accrding to my mother i am a heartless little *****. i don't care if i am, if this is what she made me. . .i can't explain this too clearly yet, i need to decipher it to myself, but i think this has something to do with it.

I know I am not the unluckiest person on this earth and that it is not new for a seventeen year old girl to have problems with her mom, but it?s driving me crazy. I can?t take it anymore, and I don?t want to say I hate her, but it?s the only thing that fits. All she does is belittle me, yell at me, criticize me. There isn?t a moment in my memory where my mom has told me what a good daughter I am, complimented me, given me credit for all I?ve done. It may sound like I?m flattering myself, but I am a good daughter. I get good *** grades, I don?t party, I don?t have friends, she?s never got a complaint about me from a teacher or any sort of authority figure. The reason is ironic, but I?ve always tried to do as good as I can just for that, to give her peace, to give her one less thing to worry about, but she never takes that into consideration, she never notices. You know how kids get rewards for A?s, all she ever does is tell me, ?It better stay that way.? It feels like she?s expecting to me **** up, waiting for it so that the moment it happens she can laugh at me. You know ppl who get teased, a lot of them see home as their safe haven, but it?s not so for me. I mean she treats me like ****. I mean, if I just woke up and I haven?t combed my hair why should that even matter. She starts telling me how ugly I look, how much of a disgrace I am, how much prettier all my other cousins are. I can?t handle that, I HAVE GOOD HAIR!!!!! It?s getting worse, I mean it?s normal when parents don?t like the way you dress, what you do with your hair, stuff like that, but my mom makes me feel like I?m some sort of an abomination. It?s getting to the point where I can?t look at her without wanting to crush her, to show her that I am better than what she says I am. I want to get away so badly, go somewhere where she can never find me. I don't even know why I'm posting this, I don't feel some sort of special relatioship in OB that a lot of the other's members feel, i guess, i just need some sort of way to vent this, I need to give myself the illusion that someone is listening to me.

i think controlled jealousy can be a good thing. i mean, you just can't let it eat you up inside and blind you, that's when it get's out of hand and you can't control it. that's whe ppl start calling you a psycho.

i've driven from FL to NY, but that's just uncomfortable. i like the trips to keywest in the pitch black darkness, it's really relaxing, more than keywest itself. i would just put on music like Bjork or Hooverphonic and stick my head out the window and watch the sky and feel the sea brezze. although, there's a certain point where the sea smell turn to ***** smell, so when we got near there we closed the window and after we passed it we opened them again. well, it's not the longest car ride, but it's the one i like the most:)

miami, florida: a hot place :cool:

i'm quiet, ppl confuse that with maturity. i wouldn't say i'm immature though, i'm a bit grown up in what i find funny and the way i deal with problems and ppl. alos, i'm not too friendly in real life so you know how that goes.

i'm special ^_^ i can talks me the ghetto slang, fo sho, i mean it's practically poetic prose. then i can talk spanish slang, NICA style. and then i can talk proper spanish and english without any alterations or anything. i see nothing wrong with slang, it's a form of expression and everyone has their own way of speaking the english language. and a lot of ppl don't speak it by choice, it's actually what they learn, school or no school. i was lucky enough so that in my ghetto fortified envronment i had a snooty gothic sister. i got the best of both worlds i suppose you could say. so in the end, don't playa hate pa ticipate!

yup, i like them. zach de la rocha was great, too bad they split up. the band with chris cornell is nothing like they were with zach and i keep hearing that he went solo but nothing from him yet.

calmlikeabomb is right, it's not kurosawa, i got confused. sorry. neverhteless, he's pretty damn cool. and so are a lot of kurosawa movies i recomend him if you like zatoichi. although he is a bit more serious, but just as cool.

ooooooo, i've seen the Blind Swordsman. he AWESOME, i love them all, even the black and white ones. pretty much anything by Akira Kurasawa is a masterpiece.

my nose twitches when i squint, like if i look at the sun or something. it goes out of control sorta like a bunnies. then i get the muscle spasms in my sleep too, but not as often as before. they kinda freak me out, actually. . .

i'm going for drowning when you can't swim. like if you accidentally fell in. i think it would be a pretty dreadful situation because you feel powerless and panic sinks in. it isn't a peaceful death, i drowned, but was revived. and i couldn't swim, it was pretty freaky and painful. also, slowly burning to death. almost like a roticery (sp) chicken. i imagine that would be painful. or, if someone were to peel your skin off, and let it heal, and then peel it off again. continuosly over and over until you evntually died. that's be pretty painful too. i guess, also, since there are different levels of pain tolerance it would depend on a person. . .

i think i'm pretty much the same, i'm actually if anything a bit more open on-line and a lot more trusting for some odd reason. . .but i don't try to change myself in anyway, i'm still the same person