I don?t like it. The refrain doesn?t come off as poetic, rather, irritating and amateur. It's too straight-forward for my tastes. It seems like you didn?t take the time to establish any real flavor, and because of this, there really isn?t anything in the poem that stands out as abstract, or deep. Practice on depth, and don?t model your poetry after the lyrics you hear on MTV.
4/10.