Brasil

Yeah, James, I'm positive it came out around 1986. NES wasn't even released until 1985 or so. Mystik, I'd check out your copy. If you're playing it on an actual working NES (which is unlikely, might I add), you might have a pirated copy or an unofficial one. Or, are you using emulation? Your ROM could have been altered...a glitch in the programming conversion.

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Charles [/i] [B]I would say that Nintendo's desire to stick with a cartridge-based format to compete with the 32 bit consoles was quite a big mistake (although I did favor the N64 to the Saturn). On one hand, I liked the lack of load times, and the sturdier games (some of my PSX games got scratched badly even though I treated them with care). Plus, the actual N64 unit was far more reliable than the PSX. My Playstation would skip during cinematics and such. And, who could fault Nintendo for being hesitant to jump into CD-based media? Piracy rates were much higher. Nintendo's done a darn good job to this day combating that with the GC mini discs. But, in the end, the cons outweighed the pros as far as Nintendo is concerned. Despite the fact that the N64 was technically superior hardware in certain respects, the advantages meant little in the long run because developers favored the CD-based hardware; it was easy to make games for, plain and simple. It's true that the PSX played host to leagues and leagues of horrible titles due to the cheap manufacturing costs and the developer friendliness, but on the other hand it offered more creative freedom and shorter development cycles--which attracted valuable third party support. Who could forget Square jumping ship to Sony do to some of these reasons? That was "the big one." Cinematic titles such as the Final Fantasy series and Konami's Metal Gear Solid wouldn't be possible for a reasonable price and development cycle on Nintendo's side of the fence. So, I think that is a big mistake that Nintendo is still recovering from today. They're slowly regaining third party support, but they've lost a lot of ground to Sony as far as the console business is concerned. I'm left wondering if their hesitance to jump into the online foray will be a mistake or a wise decision. I suppose that only time will tell. [/B][/QUOTE] But Charles, in every system war argument I've seen, they don't argue over format. They argue over ?kiddy image.? So, based on the rampant flame wars I?ve seen, I really don't think Nintendo is still trying to recover from a long history of cartridge-based systems. Even though I value my Gamecube very highly, I still find myself longing for 1997 through 2000, when my N64 reigned supreme. I regard the cartridge-based N64 much more lovingly than Cube, because I played so many perfect games on it. GoldenEye 007, Super Smash Bros. 1, Mario Party 1, Perfect Dark, Bomberman 64. N64 was an amazing system. There's a reason it's still plugged in over my PSX. That may come from being a Nintendo whore, but there was a period when I played PSX and PS2 all the time. I think the ?kiddy image? is still the prevailing problem now. Plus, wasn't Nintendo always about 1st party? I don't think we can say a system failed because of lack of 3rd party support. Systems die because of more advanced systems. Sega Genesis, for example, had HUGE 3rd party support, but it died out long before SNES. This in part due to an inferior system architecture. Hands down, SNES was simply built better. Many players kept Genesis around due to 1st party games, i.e. Sonic. Whether or not we have 3rd party input doesn't necessarily matter, in the case of Nintendo especially, because they have a huge 1st party gaming base (Mario, Zelda, Metroid, F-Zero) on which to draw from. Also, NES has an extensive library of roughly 500 games, I believe. I think it?s safe to say that it had HUGE 3rd party support. Now, NES is arguably one of the greatest video game systems ever created, and many children of the 80s still fire their NES up to play a classic Duck Hunt or Legend Of Zelda. In a sense, NES never died?and it was a cartridge-based system, Charles. [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Mystik [/i] [B]ok, maybe i didnt say this very clearly, but what i meant is that shigeru miyamoto made the original zelda game in 1981. i dont know if many of you people out there realize, but there was many before the N64 version. And i said lead director, what i meant was designer, he designs and makes many of the games. which is why he played such an important role in mario games, the original ones for NES were all what he did basically, his ideas, his programming, etc back when nintendo was one of the only, and the best around(atari and other things made only like 3,000$ a year after nintendo showed up.) And, the original mario game by Shigeru Miyamoto is the best selling game with the exception of the original The Legend of Zelda (both for NES) that Nintendo ever came out with. (they made litterally billions off of the games.)Over 100,000,000 (100million) copies sold for both of them each individually. p.s. Super Mario Sunshine pwnz [/B][/QUOTE] Considering NES debuting within a year of 1985, I highly doubt Zelda was released in 1981, Mystik.

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Logan [/i] [B][color=darkblue]-raises hand- I know! I know! *cough*The Vietnamese/Poison Tongue*cough* Actually, I know alot people like that. My school is practically filled with them.[/color] [/B][/QUOTE] Just how am I arrogant? If you're referring to an attack that I'm participating in, you are sorely ill-informed. I suggest you go read through the posts, see what I've said, see what my target has tried to say, see the evidence I've provided and see the defense my target has not provided. I'm simply calling him on something he lied about. No arrogance. Also, take a look at my other posts. Do you see any arrogance there? I didn't think so. The other two literary critiques I gave were of positive nature, because the works were genuinely entertaining. The posts not pertaining to writing are mostly kind-hearted, sans one on a Finding Nemo thread. But, you are entitled to your opinion and though I do not agree with what you have to say, I will fight for your right to say it. Cheers. Nice shot, too. I appreciate the jab. (That's not sarcasm. I really do appreciate it.)

Be very careful, Emme. Putting too much strain on yourself is very dangerous. I know from experience. Here are a few things I learned in college (Charles would probably agree with me...lol) 1) NEVER NEVER NEVER schedule an 8 am class. You'll never go to it. Believe it. When 7 am rolls around and you're supposed to wake up, History Of The Roman Empire will look less and less inviting. One hour more of sleep always sounds good...but it's not. 2) Heavy courseload will put a lot of stress on you. Whether it's four papers and 5 exams to write/study for, or a couple of 3 hour classes in a row, or trying to struggle through tech week (READ: staying up till 1 am finishing the set, finishing the play bill, finishing the show posters), while writing those four papers and while studying for those 5 exams, you'll get burnt out REALLY quick. I actually had to go through the tech week/four papers/5 exams last fall. It wasn't fun and I freaked regularly. 3) Usually, colleges see AP courses and go "wow!", but I only took one AP course and got a C+ in it, but was actively involved in theatre, music, and art, and my instructors wrote shining recommendations. Heavy courseloads don't necessarily guarantee you'll get into the college of your choice. I didn't take heavy courseloads in my Senior year of High School (hell, I had 3 study halls that year...I just goofed off the in TV Production studio) and I still was accepted into Rutgers without a second glance. I recall back in high school, the stigma was "college is big and unfeeling, and only cares as long as they have our money." That's not true. Rutgers-Camden is excellent in that it's a small school, and everyone is very approachable. I've made friends with all of my professors and have two guaranteed recommendations for a Teaching Assistantship program in Grad School, and I've just finished my Sophomore year. My family had one of my professors over for a barbeque last summer. Dr. Mull is good friends with my dad. My family has a history at Rutgers-Camden, I guess. You say you're in the top 10% of your class. That's perfect. I seriously doubt any college is going to reject you if you stay at a 7 period day. It sounds like you're an excellent student and you have nothing to worry about. Good luck and best wishes, PoisonTongue

Arrogance...yes. I know of one who refuses to admit he lied about something very serious. I've demonstrated more knowledge about what he thinks he knows and called him on it, yet he continues to ignore me, threaten me, curse at me, ban me, block me. I've even offered to sit down with him and discuss this entire thing, but he's very petty and self-absorbed and refuses to, at risk of damaging his precious ego. I critiqued his story in a very mature way and he over-reacted, too. [url]http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=23849[/url] [url]http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=17925[/url]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Hikaru Ichijyo [/i] [B]Hmm well for all intents and purposes I acted pretty much the same when I'm offline or online personality wise. Though online I'm not as open mainly for the fact I tend not to discuss a lot of my personal life more in paticular my past with complete strangers. It takes me awhile to open up to people online and sometimes I just don't depending on who the person is. As the saying goes there are some people you feel comfortable with and there are others you don't. Online I feel comfortable maybe with 5% of OB members those that I've grown close to. [/B][/QUOTE] Oh, he hides. He definitely hides.

Though, there are some killer deals on Cubes these days. It's easier to buy one now than a few years ago. When I first bought my Cube in Jan. 02, I spent roughly $300.00 on the system, Smash Melee, a memory card, and an extra controller. On top of that, Best Buy didn't have full stock, so I drove over to K-Mart, as well...in a giant mall parking lot, which isn't the easiest thing to do, lol. Now, you can get a Cube coupled with Wind Waker, Metroid Prime, or Mario Party 4 (those are the better choices), OR if you're a Game Boy fan, there's going to be a special of Cube & Game Boy Player combo, still for $149.00. On top of that, Smash Melee is Player's Choice, $29.99 (sometimes less, depending on where you go), Timesplitters 2 has dropped to 30 bucks. A Cube Combo (either the games or the player), Smash, and Timesplitters 2 will run you around $210.00, then extra controllers are cheap (corded ones anyway). And on the topic lol, ex-Rare people make me very happy. I'm hoping EA doesn't screw up our classic. I really didn't like any of Nightfire's control schemes...customizeable controls are wonderful.

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Hatake Kakashi [/i] [B][spoiler][color=white]Meh...I might see it...with my baby cousin...Pixar's good at kid entertainment...[/color][/spoiler] [/B][/QUOTE] You're saying that Pixar is good at KID entertainment? Sure, younger kids may go see it, but have you even seen Toy Story or Toy Story 2? Did you check out ANY of the deleted scenes? Did you see the storyboarded JAWS sequence??? It's dark as hell. What about Wheezy the Penguin? He's DYING, for crying out loud. What about Sarge? Do you realise who his voice actor is? R. Lee Ermey. You're probably unaware of Full Metal Jacket. Go and watch it, then tell me Toy Story is "kid entertainment." By having Ermey perform the voice of Sarge, Pixar is immediately bringing us back to Full Metal Jacket (a very, very, very disturbing film about Vietnam). Did you catch the not-so-subtle sexual innuendo between Woody ("Woody"...think about it.) and Bo Peep? "Maybe I should find somebody else to watch over the flock tonight." Why do you think she'd look for someone to watch over the flock that night? It's not to play checkers. You're telling us that's kid entertainment. Do you consider Jurassic Park to be totally safe for Toy Story's audience? The car chase sequence in the toy store (Toy Story 2) flashes back to a pretty frightening scene in Jurassic Park. Do you remember when the T-Rex is chasing after Malcom, Ellie, and Muldoon?...show that to a 5 year old. I'm sure that they won't be scared. Next time you want to say "Pixar's good at kid entertainment," please, take a closer look. Pixar excels at entertainment for all ages. Thanks.

?The Apple Core? Is it over, are we done? Is everything clear? Is it all right to stop worrying, Is it all right to have fun? We stopped some evil, So I guess we?re safe now, right? We warred in the land of shadows, And destroyed evil, yes we did. Now where do we stop, Where do we draw the line? We toppled monstrous giants And rid their land of fears, Made the world a safer place to live. But there?s evil still out there, so our job isn?t done, So why stop? After-all, we?ve been doing it for Some two hundred years. We?ll stop someday, but when, who knows for sure. The world?s half dead, It?s got one foot in the grave And some people are pushing. It?s a deep dark hole, Seems like we could all fall forever. A big hole in the ground, Some people are digging, but some want out. There?s a finger on the button, A big red circle, covered in skulls. Dangerous alone, but deadly with pressure. ?Shroom clouds and gas, Envelop the globe, Everything?s gone, the way it should be, right? Nothing?s alive, so no worries. Craters the size of small countries, And who dropped the bomb? Hey, it doesn?t matter, Cause we?re all long gone. Maybe Looney Toons were right all along. But that trouble?s in the future, Right now we?ve got to live, With fractured alliance, and conflict and strife. Good luck to your kids, cause this is their life. Is this the end, Will the madness ever cease? Will the world be at peace? Only when there are, Craters the size of small countries, Nothing but holes in the ground. A grave for the world, The apple core, yeah. Hey, Bugs, you were right.

?Yearbook Signatures? Yearbook signatures, Where there?s a blank spot. Crazy cursive or crazy print Yearbook signatures, Lots of great times And lots of Keep In Touch. Such a nice formality indeed. Yearbook signatures, What did they all mean, though. They were writings in pen In pencil, in marker. Lots of great summers And there?s to next year. Good lucks and smiles, And hearts and luv. Yearbook signatures, Next to the pictures Or off in the corner, Taking up half-page, too. Some written sideways, Some were inverted, Some were oblong blobs, Some were perverted, But what did they all mean. Hidden codes and cloak and dagger, Simple farewells. Yearbook signatures, Still writing on paper, Find a blank spot and then Write, write, write. Take a minute, write a note, Signature takes a second or two. An essay perhaps, Length requirements where. No length specified, no rules set. Write an epic, write a blurb. Does it matter how long, Cause what did they all mean. Dot the I?s, cross the T?s Or not. Grammar doesn?t matter, Not here, not now, not in The blank space of the page. Just fill, fill, fill. Yearbook signatures, Longhand, flowing, beautiful, Smooth like silk. Or not. Shorthand, perhaps. Rough, Jagged, harsh, cuts the page, Makes it bleed. Bleed the page, injure it, Make it cry for mercy, Hear the scream. Propagate your thoughts, Spread your ink. Cover the page with your pen. Leave no inch untouched. Jab the periods, slash the T?s. Fill, fill, fill. Smile, must leave a smile, Or a heart, cause signing Is an act of love. The words on the page, What do they all mean. Yearbook signatures, Leaving their mark, Marking where they?ve been. Territories of the page, Borders without flags, Different colors everywhere. Unity and where. Ink covering, pressed down hard, Pens delivering the ink, From an excited hand, jumpy, Breathing heavily, pulse quick Like thoughts. Thoughts race, Spilling onto the page. Nearly a stream of ink, Only cut short and chopped up By a thrust of the pen, A powerful dot. It stops the thoughts. The torrent subsides as A familiar mark is left. A heart. Yearbook signatures, Are they so innocent, Covering everything, Spread all over. Don?t admit it now, But know it to be true. Yearbook signatures, Nothing more than A Rape Of The Page. ~End

Thank you, DeathKnight. I'm glad you aren't part of the herd. And we mustn't forget how Kevin immediately blocked me from his buddy list on AIM after realising I had critiqued his story, and how he's ignored my offers to discuss this with him, both through Private Messages and relay AIM through mutual acquaintances, How petty and childish he is acting after his bluff was called, And how he refuses to discuss it on this board, but would gladly discuss it on his because he has the power to ban. I also recall my critique on AE boards was immediately deleted and my IP address was banned from those forums.

My answer may enrage some. Normally, I'm very easy-going. I try to be nice to people, until they reveal a dark side; then I'm totally evil toward them. I believe we fight for ourselves and that's it. Family is important, friends are important, relationships are important, but who is the one person we are always around. Ourselves. Living for other people is fine and dandy, but the minute we endanger ourselves is the minute we need to stop caring. Relaxing is another necessity. People need to start caring enough to not care. Humanity takes itself too seriously; after-all, we haven't been on this planet too long...only a few thousand years. We're not "da ****." We just need to stop caring so damn much. We've got to relax. I don't mean start laying around the house and smoking pot, but just forget about stuff. I'm an interesting breed. I don't care about much. I guess I'm a cliche: the apathetic college student. But you know what, I don't care about that. I'm a cliche and I've accepted it. People need to accept more stuff. What was the quote from Planet Of The Apes..."We are here and it is now. Accept that and you'll sleep better." That's the bottom line, folks. Accept the world. Stop fighting it. We don't make a difference, cause those in charge all over the world are nuts. Sorry if that was negative. PoisonTongue

I've talked to a few of my friends; they're saying some ex-Rare/ex-Free Radical people are on board. This gets weirder and weirder...

I think the reason people like it, regardless of the stupidity, is...a nostalgia for those Golden Years of video games...the years that SMB3 was released and a verifiable video game renaissance was happening. Another reason could be the "Evil Dead Syndrome," in that, the movie is so bad, it's great. But I'm not entirely sure. I'd have to watch it again to remember why I enjoyed it.

?THE TROPHY: Or, Animal Rights Activists Can Go To Hell? [SCENE 1] [FADE IN] [SPOTLIGHT FOCUSED ON A MAN aiming a giant elephant gun off-right. Man turns and begins addressing audience. He is goofy, but presents a fierce determination regardless.] MAN: Oh, Cheerio! I?m sorry, I was just checking the sights on this gun. Now, I?m not going to lie. I?m a hunter. I hunt. But I do have limits to what I hunt. I don?t hunt endangered species, unless they attack me first. I don?t hunt women and children, either, unless they attack me first. I prefer to hunt big game, such as elephants, lions, tigers, bears, anacondas, sharks, whales, hippos, rhinocerouses, zebras, giraffes, and gorillas, preferably silverbacks. I also enjoy hunting smaller game, such as spider monkeys, donkeys, cows, horses, housecats, rabbits, goldfish, iguanas, and three-toed sloths. [LIGHTS UP. WE are in a TROPHY ROOM. There are various ANIMAL HEADS hanging on the wall.] Honkers! I still haven?t told you my name! I am Lord Peter Magnus. This is my trophy room. All these heads are from my various hunting expeditions. This lion I found in an oasis in Africa. He was drinking from a lake, and I couldn?t resist shooting him. He died quite marvelously, what with the roaring and coughing and bleeding and kicking. His death was fantastic to watch. He died like a cartoon. It was marvelous. [Notices a HIPPO head.] Hoo-hoo! This hippo was taking a bath when I shot him. Why he was in my bathroom I?ll never know. But I blame my butler. Speaking of which?Jeeves? Jeeves? Oh, Jeeves? [Enter JEEVES. Jeeves is the very uptight, highly proper British butler.] JEEVES: Yes, sir, may I assist you in any way? MAGNUS: Yes! Yes, you may! How did that hippo get into my bathroom? JEEVES: Sir, I imagine he came in through the door. MAGNUS: Ah?thank you, Jeeves. You are dismissed. [JEEVES exits.] [MAGNUS turns to audience.] MAGNUS: So that?s how he got into my bathroom! Through the bloody door! I keep telling my staff to lock my bathroom doors! I wonder whose fault it was this time! Which one forgot? I bet the butler didn?t do it. Oh, Jeeves? [Enter JEEVES.] JEEVES: [Somewhat annoyed] Yes, sir? MAGNUS: Did you forget to lock my bathroom door? JEEVES: No, sir. MAGNUS: So you didn?t lock my bathroom door? JEEVES: It wasn?t my turn, sir. MAGNUS: Oh, it wasn?t your turn, eh? When is it your turn? JEEVES: The next time the door needs to be locked, sir. MAGNUS: Well then, it?s your turn right now! Hop to it! JEEVES: The door is locked, sir. MAGNUS: Good show, old chap. But if I go up there and find another hippopotamus in my bathtub, I?m going to hold you personally responsible. Speaking of the bathroom?I?ll be right back! [Exit MAGNUS. JEEVES is standing there like a stiff.] MAGNUS: [From bathroom] Oh, Jeeves! JEEVES: [Groans] Yes, sir? MAGNUS: Fetch me my gun! JEEVES: Did you find a hippopotamus, sir? MAGNUS: No. JEEVES: Is it a rhinoceros, sir? MAGNUS: No. JEEVES: Then what is it, sir? MAGNUS: A fat lady. JEEVES: That?s your wife, sir. MAGNUS: So it is. [Pause] Fetch me my gun! JEEVES: Oh, Blast. [Exit JEEVES.] [FADE OUT]

?The Pistols? i. The Opal, The Ebony, The Amber, The Violet. ii. They come, Each dealing, None giving. Each dealing, None giving. iii. Out of white, Comes dealing. Under cloak, Under pretense, Under false eyes, It comes dealing. iv. Out of night, Comes dealing. Jagged barbs, Lashing and harsh. Slicing swiftly, It comes dealing. v. Out of shine, Comes dealing. Vanishing and Laying to rest A false idol, It comes dealing. vi. Out of might, Comes dealing. Casting down, Striking until Place has been found, It comes dealing. REPRISE: i. The Opal, The Ebony, The Amber, The Violet. ii. They come, Each dealing, None giving. Each dealing, None giving.

I've looked on numerous sites for info, but info is very slim, pretty much nil. Anyone have any details?

The last movie that I fully cried at was The Deer Hunter. It's a heart-ripping chronicle of a group of Ukranian men living in a mining-type town in Western Pennsylvania. Some of them (Christopher Walken, Robert DeNiro, and John Savage) get drafted to go to Vietnam. They face unspeakable horrors, get captured and are forced to play Russian Roulette, a game involving a revolver, one bullet, and two participants. You load the bullet, spin the chamber, put the gun to your head, and fire. Hopefully you get an empty chamber. [spoiler] In the end, John Savage is crippled, DeNiro psychologically scarred, and Walken dies in Saigon, after blowing his brains out in a final game of Russian Roulette. [/spoiler] All in all, it's a film that always makes me cry, no matter if I'm hyperly happy, or mildly sad. The end scene at the breakfast table is so amazing and yet so awful at the same time.

The problem is, IMO, people today are wrapped way too tight. Not only wrapped too tight for sexual encounters, but wrapped too tight for life. People are so...edgy today. It's really disheartening. Do we really feel we're better than the animals? Dayday, why do you feel the need to jump on Charles immediately? He didn't insult you at all. He presented his view in a mature manner, only commenting on the general populus who views premarital sex as "gross and distuging." He used examples and demonstrated knowledge of society. And frankly, by your manner of post, you are too young to understand and not mature enough to look at the issue from all sides, as evidenced by Semjaza's comment about if people are in love. You failed to take into account that two people might be very much in love and are of legal age and are of consenting nature. I do not see how you can immediately call something gross and disgusting when you fail to view the possibilities. Your view is very limited, dayday. I hope you begin to inform yourself of different viewpoints before broadly generalizing about a varied topic. Now, to input my (informed) opinion, I see nothing wrong with premarital sex generally. I only have a problem with it when those involved are not of legal age (for instance, under 18 or statutory rape). I do not approve of promiscuous teens, but unless I'm directly affected by their actions, I will not step in. What people do is their own business; I'm not about to dictate what someone can and cannot do behind closed doors.

Thanks for reviewing, Raiha. I didn't mean for it to be humorous, but hey, it spoke to you and I'm glad. I had a few different things running through my head when I wrote that. I think one ideal was a haunting repetition of "welcome to the Cold War." I wanted to portray an off-kilter beat of staggered accents to throw the reader off. Cause when I thought about it, that's really what this entire Cold War was doing: throwing people off balance. Glad you enjoyed it.

Sorry to be reviving this thread, but...I feel the need to uncover some misleading information. Also, I do not enjoy seeing innocent people being made into fools. Kevin, upon reading your claim that Miramax ([url]www.Miramax.com[/url]) picked up your script, I clicked on over to their site. I couldn't find anything regarding your script. And I checked the site very thoroughly. Next, I searched on [url]www.ProjectGreenlight.com[/url] (which had a link right from the Miramax homepage, might I add), a place for budding screenwriters to submit a script to be picked up, and I couldn't find anything on your script. Check out the Top 250 of their most recent screenwriting contest, dated 2003. Here's the winner: [url]http://projectgreenlight.liveplanet.com/contests/pgl2/writer/my_contest.jsp[/url] Here's the Top 250: [url]http://projectgreenlight.liveplanet.com/contests/pgl2/writer/top250.jsp[/url] Finally, I searched on [url]www.imdb.com[/url], a very comprehensive movie listing site. I searched for "rage of the inferno," and "ROTI," in both the mainstream AND Indie sections. I didn't find anything remotely close to yours. I strongly urge people to go search for themselves. So, Kevin. I ask you: "Why do you insist on playing these innocent readers for fools?" It's one thing to pompously post an unpolished story. It's something far worse to falsely claim it's being made into a movie. Please, stop spinning this ridiculous fantasy. Thanks. PoisonTongue P.S. This is not a vendetta. I have no quarrel with you. I just don't want this disgrace to continue.

"And The Preacher Doth Preach" And the preacher doth preach, and the holy men doth pray, and the televangelist doth sell religion. ?And call the toll-free number at the bottom of the screen, and feel the love of Him, and Jesus, our Lord and Saviour! But, before you can feel the love of Him, and Jesus, our Lord and Saviour, you must purchase my book, 1001 Ways to Profit Off Your Religion. If the Lord moves you, you can have my book, 1001 Ways to Profit Off Your Religion, for a free 30-day trial period. If, before that 30 days are up, you are not pleased with the book, and thus, not pleased with the Lord, for I tell you, I am a servant of God, to disagree with me is to blasphemy, you can return my book, free of charge. But if you worship God, and fear Him and His wrath, then, please, send check or money order now to the address being flashed on the screen! Only your money can give you salvation! If you are pleased with my book, then you will join my ?Holy Book of the Month Club!? As you are a member of this club, and as you fear God and His wrath, you will receive the holy book of the month each month. Should you cancel your subscription, God will come down from Heaven and punish you! He will flay your body, burn your eyes, make your body infested with maggots, and He will make your body fester with disease! You will instill His wrath should you cancel your subscription to the ?Holy Book of the Month Club!? But, that?s not all! If you call right now, I will send you this bottle of ?Miracle Spring Water.? This is a true gift from God! It will cure all your ailments, it will make you smarter, stronger, and make you feel as if you were the saviour of mankind! And, since I am a servant of God, and a servant of His good will, I will also throw in the entire ?Holy Bathroom Worship Kit!? In this you will find all of the blessings of the Lord. ?Soft As Morning Dew Toilet Paper?, ?His Blessed Tooth Paste?, these are just two of the Greatest Items Sold To Man! No longer will you have to not pray whilst you sit on the can! Behold, ?Bible on the Roll!? Now, as you wipe, you can read the story of Jacob, or Moses, or you can read the teachings of Jesus Christ, Our Lord and Saviour! Call, and you can buy your salvation! Amen! And we?ll be back after this short commercial break!?

(Minor note: The spacing is supposed to be this way. The paragraphs designate two different scenes of action. I'll answer any questions you may have.) "Typecasting By Scott" ?Why do you always typecast me, Scott?? ?Well, ?cause you?re kind of?? ?Don?t say it, Scott.? ??psychotic.? ?That?s it! BITE!? ?OWWW!!! DRAT!!!? ?Serves you right for making me Ed The Hyena!? ?Why?d you bite me?? ?Because that?s what hyenas do: bite and snarl. SNARL!? ?You little bugger.? ?Hey, you?re the one who wrote this story and turned me into Ed The Hyena. So really it?s your fault.? ?Okay, okay?I admit it. I typecast you. But we needed a satirical comic relief.? ?OOH! Satire! Okay, I forgive you, Scott.? ?Alex forgives you. I don?t, Scott.? ?What now, Chris?? ?Why am I Baloo?? ?You?re jolly and round?? ?No. WHACK!? ?OWWW!!! You look good in a loin cloth?? ?Scott?WHACK!? ?OWWW!!! You like rubbing against trees?? ?Wait, Chris. Allow me.? ?Go right ahead, Matt.? ?Thanks. MEGA WHACK!? ?OWWW!!! Guys, c?mon! I didn?t mean to offend. And Matt, you should be happy that you?re Hades. You?re tall and sarcastic; he?s tall and sarcastic. It?s a perfect fit!? ?You?re right. Thank you. I guess Chris and Alex have a bug up their Asses.? ?HEY! Our mules have nothing wrong with them!? ?Er, guys. Where?d you get those mules?? ?We found them.? ?Where?? ?At the mule shop down the street.? ?Mule shop?!?! I didn?t write in any ?mule shop?!? ?No? Then what?s that over there?? ?Hey! You there! What are you doing? Why are you selling mules?!?? ?Shall we try and stop him?? ?Nah. Let him get frustrated.? ?Yeah. It?s funny watching him stutter.? ?Like watching a drunk person trying to speak?? ?Yep.? ?HEY! ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME???? ?We really shouldn?t be laughing at him.? ?Matt, we laugh at him all the time anyway.? ?Good point.? ?Alex, Matt, shut up. Look at him go.? ?Hey?you there?will you loo?at me?when?I?m talki?? ?Hehe! This is priceless!? ?Hey Chris, do you have your video camera?? ?Yeah. It?s in my car?which is?back in Cinnaminson! We?ll have to injure Scott when he?s finished.? ?Is it me, or are those mule-peddlers totally ignoring him?? ?Well, we could say it?s just you, but it looks like they?re ignoring him.? ?HEY!!!? ?So, how long until we stop him?? ?Let?s let him tire himself out.? ?Drat! Why?don?t you people?look?at me?!? Dagnabbit! That?s it!? ?Did you get through to them, Scott?? ?No! That really frosts my pumpkin!? ?Hey, you can?t use that phrase! Mr. Graf coined that in our sophomore year!? ?Oh, shut-up, Matt. I created this story, and I can say whatever I want.? ?Ooh. A bit feisty are we! Well c?mere! I?ll give you a good clock-cleaning!? ?Should we stop them, Chris?? ?Nah. Let ?em fight.? ?It?s an interesting match.? ?Yeah. Do we have popcorn?? ?Uh?hey Scott, can we get some popcorn?? ?Sure. One sec. Time! OOF!!! I said TIME, Matt!? ?I didn?t hear you! Have at thee!? ?Boot to the head.? ?OWH!! Lotta? pain!! Lotta? pain!!? ?Serves you right, Matt. Here?s some popcorn.? ?Is the fight over?? ?Yep.? ?Oh. Hey, they still haven?t moved.? ?Who?? ?The mule-peddlers.? ?Drat?you know what, I created this story and I?m gonna? start acting as the executive producer.? ?What?? ?Watch. Hey, mule-peddlers!? ?Guys, what?s Scott doing?? ?I don?t know.? ?I know.? ?Then what?s he doing, Alex?? ?He?s taking control. Creative control.? ?Huh?? ?Just watch. You really have to be a writer to understand.? ?Hey, I?m talking to you guys! And you?re going to listen to me!? ?Yes, may we help you, sir? Would you like to buy an ***?? ?No, thank you. I?ve got one already, and three perfectly wise ones back there.? ?Oh, then how can we aid you?? ?You can start by selling llamas.? ?I?m sorry, sir, but we only sell Asses. We?d have to change our entire market strategy if we changed. The switch alone would drive us out of business.? ?Changing your product would bankrupt you?? ?I don?t know about bankrupt, but we would definitely lose all our money.? ?Don?t worry about losing money. I?ll make sure you keep it.? ?I?m not sure why, sir, but I trust you.? ?You should. I created you.? ?You?re my father?? ?If you mean biological father, no. Your mommy was a whore. She really got around.? ?What?? ?Nothing. But I?m your father in the sense that I birthed you out of my imagination. I nursed you. I nursed all of you.? ?Father!? ?No. Remember, mommy was a whore.? ?What?s he saying, Alex?? ?I?m not sure. It looks like he?s winning them over, though.? ?Our mommy was a whore?? ?Yep. I called her Chloe. She was French.? ?What?s French?? ?It?s a race of people where I come from. They?re dirty whores. All of them.? ?Oh?are all whores bad?? ?No, only dirty, French whores.? ?We want to meet these dirty, French whores.? ?I can arrange that. But first you must start selling llamas.? ?I can?t, sir. Our business is *** selling.? ?You can. Watch.? ?Wow! Chris, did you see that?!?? ?Yeah.? ?Scott just snapped his fingers and the mules turned into llamas!? ?I said I saw it, Matt.? ?Well, hello sunshine.? ?Shut-up. I?ll kick your ***, monkey.? ?There aren?t any monkeys around here.? ?Just?shut-up.? ?Hehe! Chris is getting flustered! Hehe!? ?Scott, could you turn Matt into a monkey, please?? ?Why??? ?So I can kick his ***.? ?This is a Rated G universe, Chris. You can?t say ?***.?? ?I don?t care. Turn him into a monkey.? ?Fine. Matt, be a monkey!? ?Wha?Eeep!! Screech!!? ?Thank you, Scott.? ?Your welcome?I think.? ?Scott, that?s a typo.? ?What?? ?It?s not ?your.? It should be ?you?re.? Could you fix it?? ?Alex, just be quiet.? ?But?? ?SCREECH!!!? ?Dammnit! Chris, could you shut Matt up, please!?? ?Sorry. He?s a bit more vocal as a monkey.? ?Well, spank him and tell him to shut up.? ?Heh. Bad monkey! SPANK!? ?EEEEP!!!? ?Great, here come the South Park imitations.? ?Respect mah authoritah! SPANK!? ?SCREECH!!!? ?Scott, what?s that noise?? ?It?s screeching.? ?No, not that noise. That.? ?It sounds like?? ?Yelling?? ?Yeah. Very odd, indeed.? ?What in the hell?Scott, look over there.? ?Where?? ?Off in the horizon, near that oasis.? ?Okay, what am I looking for?? ?There?s something moving in the air?? ??HEADING RIGHT FOR US!!! CHRIS, TAKE COVER!!!? ?What? Shut-up. Matt still isn?t quiet.? ?Eeep!? ?Holy ****!? ?Alex, you can?t use that language! This story is rated G!? ?What?s that, Scott?!?? ?I said, you can?t use that kind of language because this story is rated G.? ?No, not that. Look up. That.? ?Drat. Is that?? ?Abu, are you okay?!? ??a flying carpet?? ?EEEP!!!? ?Hey! Let go of our monkey!? ?C?mon, Abu! Let?s get out of here!? ?Grab the carpet, Chris!? ?Damn!? ?There it goes.? ?Thanks, Captain Obvious.? ?Blow it out your ***, Chris.? ?Hey, do you want some of this, punk?? ?Anytime, anywhere.? ?Bring it then, monkey!? ?Guys! We need to get Matt back, then you can kill each other.? ?Fine?? ?Good. Let?s head that way.? ?Why not this way?? ?Because Aladdin flew off that way.? ?Logical.? ?Let?s get going?? ?Well, let?s go Chris.? ?Yup.?

It was a fun read, first of all. Nice effort. Got a bit weird at times, though. I shouldn't really talk, cause I'm writing a mock epic that's totally out there. But, I think the strongest part of your story was about solving things through the Internet. I enjoyed this: ?That?s okay! As long as we?ve got the internet, we can solve anything!? Lumi offered us cheezily, standing up on her chair. A cafeteria monitor made her get off it, though. Piranha said, sarcastically, ?Really? We can solve anything?? ?Yup. Sure can. We?ll be walking down the street, someone comes up to us, asks ?So where?d you get that shirt?? and we?ll say, ?Internet.? ?So, how are you?? ?Internet.? ?So, I?ll see ya later.? ?Internet.? See? We can do it.? Everyone went silent. ?Okay, so maybe not.? Lumi's dialogue is especially good here. It's excellent how totally unrelated her answer is to the previous phrase. ('So, how are you?' Internet. 'So, I'll see ya later.' Internet.) It's nice how you poke fun at a society raised on technology. I'd suggest taking these few paragraphs and creating a whole new story based on their ideas. They're really quite strong little bits. In fact, Lumi is an interesting character to begin with. I'd chronicle her online adventures. I see a lot of potential there. Her general lunacy would translate very neatly into a total online setting. Perhaps the title could be, "She Got Gigabit: Lumi In Cyberspace." Hyperactivity online, stumbling into shady technological conspiracies, inadvertently crashing servers, etc. The rest of the work...I'd just tone down the unpredictability. The scene with Rob seemed very out of place. I think working on transitions would be a good idea. Instead of, "Just then, a man wearing all black, with a white mask and a chainsaw in the doorway. Like in the Jason movies," maybe, "We started hearing a strange, psychotic buzzing coming from the hallway. We weren't sure what it was. The buzz became deafening, then the door was ripped apart in a splintery, chaotic, cacophonous calamity. A white hockey mask popped in. We screamed. "It's Jason! It's Jason!" we cried. The masked man paused. "No, my name's Rob. Did you ladies need a chainsaw?" and so forth. Just a suggestion. Good luck. Regards, PoisonTongue

The lizard stole silently through the grass, headed towards the Wilson home. Its back was checkered and red, and it was about the size of a pencil. Its cold, reptilian eyes took in the night, taking notice of the leaves rustling in the brisk, fall air. It lifted its snout up to take a whiff of the healthy night aroma, bringing a devilish grin to its face. The moon was full and cast an almost ghostly glow upon the field. No creatures were about, sans for the owl up in the elm. Normally, an owl would swoop down and take hold of a lone, little lizard treading about on the ground, but this owl did not. It hooted in fright when it saw the lizard steadily approaching the deck. The deck?s light was on and flies and the like of their insect brood buzzed noisily around it, but sped off into the night when they caught sight of the lizard. The animals were afraid of this lizard, and with good reason, for it was the terror of the yard. It had killed more than its fair share in the wilderness of the Wilson home and had yet to be stopped. The wicked spawn of Eden cleared the steps in a single leap and landed without a sound. With another powerful push from its hind legs, it was on the windowsill. Again it smiled because the screen was in, and the glass was left open. A swift slash from a deadly claw gained entry to the Wilson home. The lizard crept silently in the darkness, avoiding the sleeping dog, Buster. Ascending the steps was easy for the lizard, requiring only a few kicks. As it reached the upstairs hall, it heard a faint snoring of an infant origin and entered that room with a cold-blooded anticipation. The infant laid there contently, dreaming wonderful dreams. The crib?s edges were tall, but this was not a trouble for the lizard. In an instant the serpent was there at the infant?s side. It smiled, baring a pair of fangs that would summon forth his poison-store. The venom that had fallen a well-numbered sum of creatures, stirred about in the glands in eager anticipation. It yearned for release. The lizard took a spot on the infant?s neck as his and brought his beast-killers down into the soft, moist flesh. The infant cried out loudly as the deadly poison raced from the glands, over the fangs, and into the neck. The delicious screams brought the house to life as the darkness vanished and light flooded the Wilson home. Those living in the home flocked into the room and froze with horror at the sight they viewed. The lizard casually glanced at these new figures and glared, exposing his bloody fangs. A woman screamed. The group approached with intent to smite the lizard, but soon backed away when the lizard hissed. In a flash of red, this cruel and evil serpent was out the window, leaving those people to cry over the now extinguished flame of the infant. The creatures in the yard heard the tears and saw the lizard escape into the wilderness, disappearing into the shadows. The red checkered lizard. Beware.