ZF SSA Goten

You don't ask to become a mod. Ever. If the admins think you are qualified to mod in a certain forum, they will ask you. Also, read the [url=http://www.theotaku.com/rules.shtml]FAQ[/url]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by *GaLxY-GiRl* [/i] [B] [color=red]I disagree......[/color] [/B][/QUOTE] excuse me, [i]most[/i] of us. there are the few who don't take this board as a privilage. like i do. :D

well, couldn't you make it like the attachment so u can only post like 7 images per post and they can only 1.5 megs or less?

1. Movie13 2. Movie 12 3. Movie 8 4. Movie 6 5. Movie 9 6. Movie 5 7. Movie 7 8. Movie 10 9. Movie 2 10. Movie 1 11. Movie 3 12. Movie 11 13. Movie 4

please put the [img] code back on so people can post images in thier messages and have them show up. that was half the fun on the old otakuboards. I think we are all mature enough not to post spam and/or porn and/or other things. I would really want it back, and i know others would too.

i am 100% lunenburg(ian)! it's a town in massachusetts. come visit me sometime. and if ur some pervert, go to hell. :flaming: :devil: but if ur a sexy babe, :tasty:

i know who did it. batman

well, i would not want to die a virgin that's for sure...

i know who said all your base belong to us. it was the leader of catz. they got a funny flash movie bout it a newgrounds.com

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by ~Mystical Pan~ [/i] [B] ACK! how old are you anyway? Sis's son? Incesest!

well, it's just at our school no one uses the term "virgin". by the time you reach middle school you're already a father.....to your sisters son. damn i hate my hick town. [EDIT]before anyone see's this and get's ideas about me, I AM STILL A VIRGIN![/EDIT]

try one of these fine pick-up lines: Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Hi, my name is {name}, how do you like me so far? The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name. If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question? Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too. As you walk by, turn around and say: Excuse me, did you just touch my ***? No. Damn! I know milk does a body good, but damn girl, how much have you been drinking? You with those curves, and me with no brakes ... Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track. Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet. Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business. Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me? If I said you had a great body, would you hold it against me? Wow! Are those real? If you stood infront of a mirror and help up 11 roses, you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world. Most people like to watch the (i.e. World Cup, Stanley Cup, Superbowl, NBA playoffs, etc..) cuz it only happens once a year/every 4 years, but I'd rather talk to you cause the chance of meeting someone like you only happens once in a lifetime. Did it hurt? (What?) When you fell from heaven ... Did it hurt? Girl, you must be tired 'cause you've been running through my mind all day! Cold out isn't it? (staring at breasts) Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) 'Cause I could see myself in your pants. Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow job? No! Well in that case, D'ya wanna do lunch? Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers? No. Well, then, allow me to introduce myself. If I let you suck on my tongue would you be greatful? True, there are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to catch and mount back at my place. Nice Shoes. Wanna ****? Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before? Screw me if I am wrong, but you want to screw me, don't you? Screw me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Pocahontus? Hey babe, how about a pizza and some sex? [Slap] HEY! What's wrong, you don't like pizza? I'm going to have sex with you tonight no matter what so you might as well be there. How about you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up? Can I flirt with you? I admit, I'm kind of a geek by day... But a sex machine by night! You have been very naughty! Go to my room! Let's do breakfast tomorrow. Should I call you or nudge you? If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together. There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you. Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes. Excuse me, but I DO think it's time we met. Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance? Is it cold in here, or are you just happy to see me. Be unique and different, say yes. You make me so nervous and flustered, I've completely forgotten my standard pick-up line. I lost my phone number. Can I borrow yours? What is a slutty girl like you doing in a classy place like this? OOPS! I mean, what is nice girl like you doing in a dump like this? (Phew) Hi, my name's {name}. Remember it, you'll be screaming it later tonight! My name is {name}, but you can call me anything at all. Just call me.

what would be the fun in throwing them away tec? reduce, reuse recycle!

v...ir..gin.....what's a virgin? :D

damn those Walmart trolls, DAMN THEM!

rules are simple. title, number, and post 5 jokes. i will pick a winner. the winner get's a secret surprise. if no one enters, i will release me llama on you. 1... "The Wrong Number!!" Man calls home. Maid answers phone. He says, "Can I speak to my wife?" She says, "No, she's upstairs in bed with her boyfriend." He's mad--says, "Ok, go to the hall closet and take out my shotgun. Go upstairs and kill them both." Being the loyal maid, she says, "Ok." 5 minutes later she picks up the phone and says, "Ok, they're both dead. What should I do with the bodies?" He says, "Throw them in the pool, and I'll take care of them when I get home." She says, "We don't have a pool." He asks, "Is this 555-1234?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2... "Jesus Is Watching You" One night a burglar is trying to break into a house. He's sneaking across the lawn when he hears a voice - "Jesus is watching you!" He jumps, turns around, but he doesn't see anything. So he starts creeping across the lawn again. "Jesus is watching you!" He hears it again. So now the burglar is really looking around, and he sees a parrot in a cage by the side of the house. He says to the parrot, "Did you say that?" The parrot answers "Yes I did." So the burglar says , "What's your name?" The parrot says "Clarence." The burglar says "What kind of stupid idiot would name his parrot Clarence?" The parrot laughs and says, "The same stupid idiot that named his Rottweiler 'Jesus' " -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3... "The Nude Nuns" 3 nuns were assigned to paint a room in a church. It was a really hot day and the nuns were getting really hot in those black clothes they wear so they took off all their clothes and went on painting naked. Later they heard a knock on the door.... "Who is it?????", The man who knocked replied, "I'm the blind man". So, the nuns decided to let him in since he would not be able to see them. The nuns let him into the room.... The man then looked around the room, then looked at them and said, "nice tits sisters, where do you want the blinds??" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4... "Old Couple Conversation" An old couple were sitting on the porch one afternoon rocking in their rocking chairs. All the sudden the old man reaches over and slaps his wife. She says, "Well what was that for?" He says, "Thats for 40 years of rotten sex!" She doesn't reply and they start rocking again. All the sudden the old lady reaches up and slaps her husband. He says, "Well what was that for?" She says, "That's for knowing the difference!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5... "Sunbathing On Top Of Hotel" Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday." "What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel." "Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."

well, my friend who e-mailed me those lives from the bronx. take that as you will... :wigout:

READ THIS! READ IT!! REPLY!

Have you ever gotten a AOL CD in the mail? Or have you just noticed that they are everywhere? Now, ways to use those AOL CD's that you never wanted. 45 Ways To Use Those Old AOL Disk 1.Drink coaster 2.Door stopper (use multiple disks) 3.Ice scrapper 4.Shower tile 5.Place holder in a book 6.Mini frissbee 7.Air hockey puck 8.Dog chew toy 9.Fly swatter (tape it to a long stick) 10.Dart board 11.Boot Disk (Neon green disk only) 12.Joke disk (Pull out the inside) 13.Pooper scooper 14.Grille scraper 15.Use them for Karate (save a tree) 16.Wrist Slicer -after receiving first AOL bill! 17.Wallpaper or wallpaper border 19.Toy for an 18 month old 20.Fat-free snack (not very satisfying though) 21.Destroy them (to relieve stress) 22.Prop up uneven table or chair legs 23.Light switch cover (panel) 24.Disk house (like a card house) 25.Chinesse throwing stars (tape 2 together) 26.Greeting card (bind two together at one end) 27.Halloween Treat (give them away all night long) 28.Bullet proof vest 29.Paper weights 30.Pen holders (make a box without a top) 31.Post it-notes holder 32.Refigerator magnet (glue a magnet to the back) 33.Money clip (pop off metal door-throw away rest) 34.Solar Eclipse Glasses (move metal door, and look though disk) 35.Eye patch (aye' maties!) 36.G-string (Bay Watch-watch out!) 37.Christmas Ornaments (the more the merrier!) 38.Put them on car windshields at the mall (along with this list) 39.Hand them out as party favors. 40.Give them to young children to use as building blocks. 41.Be an AOL diskette surgeon and disect a diskette. 42.Warm milk & aol disks for santa. 43.House insulation. 44.The "toys for tots" program. 45.Hockey Puck (rubber band a few together)

my sick and twisted head... here's a kind of sick one: An 8 year old boy walks home from school each day past an 8 year old girls house. One day as he is passing by, carrying a football, he can't resist taunting the girl. He holds up the football and says, "See this football? Football is a boys game, and only boys can have a football!". The little girl runs into the house and cries to her mother, "I want a football!" Being a woman of the 90's, her mother runs out and gets her one. The next day the girl is waiting for the little boy and he rides up on his bike. She holds up the football... "Nah Na Nah Nah". The little boy angrily points to his bike and says, "Oh yeah, well this is a boys bike and only boys get boys bikes and you can't have one!" She runs in to mom and the next day is waiting for him on her new boys bike. The little boy gets furious and pulls down his pants, and pointing to his most private of parts says, "Look, only boys have these and your mom can't buy you one!!!". The next day he walks by and says to her, "Well, I guess I showed you!" to which she promptly pulls up her dress, points to her parts and proclaims "My mother tells me that as long as I have one of these I can have as many of THOSE as I want!

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Hi, my name is {name}, how do you like me so far? The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name. [b]If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?[/b] ;) Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too. As you walk by, turn around and say: Excuse me, did you just touch my ***? No. Damn! I know milk does a body good, but damn girl, how much have you been drinking? You with those curves, and me with no brakes ... Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track. Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet. Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business. Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me? If I said you had a great body, would you hold it against me? Wow! Are those real? If you stood infront of a mirror and help up 11 roses, you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world. Most people like to watch the (i.e. World Cup, Stanley Cup, Superbowl, NBA playoffs, etc..) cuz it only happens once a year/every 4 years, but I'd rather talk to you cause the chance of meeting someone like you only happens once in a lifetime. Did it hurt? (What?) When you fell from heaven ... Did it hurt? Girl, you must be tired 'cause you've been running through my mind all day! Cold out isn't it? (staring at breasts) Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) 'Cause I could see myself in your pants. Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow job? No! Well in that case, D'ya wanna do lunch? Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers? No. Well, then, allow me to introduce myself. If I let you suck on my tongue would you be greatful? True, there are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to catch and mount back at my place. Nice Shoes. Wanna ****? Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before? Screw me if I am wrong, but you want to screw me, don't you? Screw me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Pocahontus? Hey babe, how about a pizza and some sex? [Slap] HEY! What's wrong, you don't like pizza? I'm going to have sex with you tonight no matter what so you might as well be there. How about you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up? Can I flirt with you? I admit, I'm kind of a geek by day... But a sex machine by night! You have been very naughty! Go to my room! Let's do breakfast tomorrow. Should I call you or nudge you? If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together. There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you. Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes. Excuse me, but I DO think it's time we met. Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance? Is it cold in here, or are you just happy to see me. Do you sleep on your stomach? No. Can I? Be unique and different, say yes. You make me so nervous and flustered, I've completely forgotten my standard pick-up line. I lost my phone number. Can I borrow yours? What is a slutty girl like you doing in a classy place like this? OOPS! I mean, what is nice girl like you doing in a dump like this? (Phew) Hi, my name's {name}. Remember it, you'll be screaming it later tonight! My name is {name}, but you can call me anything at all. Just call me. He: Excuse me, want to dance? She: No. He: Maybe you didn't hear me ... I said you look really fat in those pants! He : Hey Baby ... Wanna dance? She : No. He : Oh, C'mon! Lower you're standards a little. I did... He : Hey, Stop! She : What? He : You're undressing me with your eyes... I know you're doing it. STOP!

that(50 state thing) i got from a site. but all the other stuff me and my friends made up. we had substitutes in every class one day in school, so we made all this up. it was really fun.

this will be my last post here tonight. REJECTED STATE MOTTOS ALABAMA Literacy ain't everything Ya want fries with dat? ALASKA Come, freeze your butt off ARIZONA Winter home to 150,000 snowbirds ARKANSAS At least we're not Mississippi CALIFORNIA The Granola State Nobody's actually from here Fast reloading lanes available The really long state COLORADO Too wimpy to cross the mountains so we stopped here Official home of the winter ski bunny CONNECTICUT Way too close to New York DELAWARE You'll need a map to find us So close to Washington you can smell it FLORIDA The Gunshine State Elephant Graveyard; where the old Republicans go to die Senior citizen discounts available Come, enjoy the humidity The snow capital of the US GEORGIA Home of the Rednecks Gateway to Florida Confederate money welcome HAWAII Sure, we've got Interstates... drive on over Book 'em Danno Tom Selik, Jack Lord, Don Ho - Paradise! Come, get lai-ed IDAHO Ain't nothing here We don't care if you spell potato with an "e" Land of a billion "eyes" ILLINOIS Land of the voting dead Gateway to Iowa INDIANA Home of David Letterman IOWA Just east of Omaha It's easy to spell KANSAS Hayfever capital of the Midwest Dole slept here There's no place like home Ya want flat, we got flat KENTUCKY Tobacco is a vegetable We're all related Gateway to Nashville LOUISIANA Swim the beautiful Bayou Cancer Alley's just a name, and names will never hurt you MAINE For Sale You can spit on Canada from here MARYLAND If it weren't for Washington, you couldn't find us MASSACHUSETTS Home of the young girls from Nantucket, also the home of Ted Kennedy, hmmmm... MICHIGAN Land of the free, home of the Buick MINNESOTA Not Sweden, but we try to act like it Sure beats Canada MISSISSIPPI We're lucky we can spell it Why would you want to come here? MISSOURI Gateway to Kansas Here's mine, Show Me yours We're better than Illinois MONTANA Land of the Big Sky, and very little else We've got lots of 10'x10' shacks in the woods It's where you're wanted. At least our cows are sane. NEBRASKA More corn than Kansas Go to Kansas, turn north NEVADA More weirdos than Alaska (warmer too) 2 words - Death Valley 3:5 you'll leave broke We have our own nuclear testing site NEW HAMPSHIRE Like Old Hampshire, only newer About as exciting as Vermont NEW JERSEY You have the right to remain silent, You have the right to an attorney... Tell 'em Guido sent ya NEW MEXICO Lizards make excellent pets We have reservations Alien Welcome Center - Roswell NEW YORK At least we're not New Jersey! We're more than a big city; we're a state Like we CARE about a motto English spoken here; sometimes NORTH CAROLINA Five million people; Fifteen last names We're bigger than South Carolina NORTH DAKOTA The OTHER South Dakota OHIO Don't judge us by Cleveland Proud polluters of Lake Erie We're easy to spell OKLAHOMA We're OK, you're NOT! I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto OREGON As pretty as California but not as weird We're not named after a musical instrument You can see the sunset from here PENNSYLVANIA Cook with coal Free lub job with oil change RHODE ISLAND Size ain't everything Nobody famous came from Rhode Island SOUTH CAROLINA Just south of North Carolina SOUTH DAKOTA Closer than North Dakota TENNESSEE The Educashun State Thank goodness we've still got Elvis A great fixer-upper TEXAS Si Hablo Ingles See, EVERYTHING is bigger in Texas! UTAH Our Jesus is better than your Jesus At least our sheep can't talk VERMONT Bet ya can't name 2 of our towns VIRGINIA Please don't confuse us with West Virginia! WASHINGTON We like our state, so STAY OUT! WEST VIRGINIA Where "family values" has a different meaning WISCONSIN Land of funny accents. Say "Cheeeese" WYOMING Where men are lonely and sheep are scared

you may have noticed that this is my 4th topic with a lot of text. i have typed these all up before, i'm just copying and pasting them. 50 WAYS TO CONFUSE, WORRY, OR JUST SCARE THE BEJEEZUS OUT OF PEOPLE IN THE COMPUTER LAB -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the damn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes,turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files. Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously. Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they're crazy while typing. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say, "Oops, I forgot." Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes. "DISK FIGHT!!!" Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you (It helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new friends). Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required. Draw a pictue of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that women (men) are worthless. Try to stick a Ninetendo cartridge into the 3 1/2 disc drive, when it doesn't work, get the supervisor. When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where the smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisely. After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person next to you. Grinds some more. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the person enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is far more effective to let them linger. If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut them and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you leave. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and continue working. Bring som dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking. Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire pape this way. Attempt to eat your computer's mouse. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard & taking it. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best. Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: "Does *your* delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you've deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then, suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your document and leave. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.) Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing,grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them. See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them like you've known them all your lives. Hangup before they get a chance to figure out you're a total stranger. Bring an small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work. Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily, exclaim "You're such a marvel!!", and kiss the screen. Repeat this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then the computer assistant, and walk out. Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then calmly sit down and begin to type. Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw, rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say, "Give me that computer or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next week". Two words: Tesla Coil.

MORE THAN FIFTY WAYS TO GET RID OF BLIND DATES (and other social catastrophes) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- At dinner, guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as to give the impression that you'll stab anyone, including the waiter, who reaches for it. Collect the salt shakers from all of the tables in the restaurant, and balance them in a tower on your table. Wipe your nose on your date's sleeve. Twice. Make funny faces at other patrons, then sneer at their reactions. Repeat every third third word you say say. Give your claim to fame as being voted "Most Festerous" for your high school yearbook. Read a newspaper or book during the meal. Ignore your date. Stare at your date's neck, and grind your teeth audibly. Twitch spastically. If asked about it, pretend you don't know what they are talking about. Stand up every five minutes, circle your table with your arms outstretched, and make airplane sounds. Order a bucket of lard. Ask for crayons to color the placemat. This works very well in fancier venues that use linen tablecloths. Howl and whistle at women's legs, especially if you are female. Recite your dating history. Improvise. Include pets. Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs when your date begins talking about themselves. Sacrifice french fries to the great deity, Pomme. When ordering, inquire whether the restaurant has any live food. Without asking, eat off your date's plate. Eat more from their plate than s/he does. Drool. Chew with your mouth open, talk with your mouth full and spray crumbs. Eat everything on your plate within 30 seconds of it being placed in front of you. Excuse yourself to use the restroom. Go back to the head waiter/hostess and ask for another table in a different part of the restaurant. Order another meal. When your date finally finds you, ask him/her "What in the hell took you so long in the restroom?!?" Recite graphic limericks to the people at the table next to you. Ask the people at the neighboring table for food from their plates. Beg your date to tattoo your name on their derriere. Keep bringing the subject up. Ask your date how much money they have with them. Order for your date. Order something nasty. Communicate in mime the entire evening. Upon entering the restaurant, ask for a seat away from the windows, where you have a you have a good view of all exits, and where you can keep your back to the wall. Act nervous. Lick your plate. Offer to lick theirs. Hum. Loudly. In monotone. Fill your pockets with sugar packets, as well as salt and pepper shakers, silverware, floral arrangements... i.e anything on the table that isn't bolted down. Hold a debate. Take both sides. Undress your date verbally. Use a bullhorn. Auction your date off for silverware. Slide under the table. Take your plate with you. Order a baked potato for a side dish. When the waiter brings your food, hide the potato, wait a few minutes, and ask the waiter for the potato you "never got". When the waiter returns with another potato for you, have the first one back up on the plate. Repeat later in the meal. Order beef tongue. Make lewd comparisons or comments. Get your date drunk. Talk about their philosophy. Get it on tape, and use good judgement in editing to twist their words around. Discuss boils and lesions, as if from personal experience. Speak in pig latin throughout the meal (Or ubber-dubber language, or just nonsense). Take a break, and go into the restroom. When you return to the table, throw a spare pair of underwear on the back of one of the chairs. Insist that they just need airing out. If they are paying, order the most expensive thing on the menu. Take one bite. Bring 20 or so candles you, and during the meal get up and arrange them around the table in a circle. Chant. Save the bones from your meal, and explain that you're taking them home to your invalid, senile old mother, because it's a lot cheaper than actually feeding her. Order your food by colors and textures. Sculpt. Take a thermos along, and hide it under the table. Order coffee, and fill the thermos one cup at a time, taking advantage of the free refills. Insist that the waiter cuts your food into little pieces. In a simliar vein, insist that he take a bite of everything on the plate, to make sure no one poisoned it. Accuse your date of espionage. Make odd allusions to dangerous religious cults. Don't use any verbs during the entire meal. Pass the hat in the restaurant. Use the proceeds (if any) to pay the bill. Break wind loudly. Add color commentary. Bow. Feed imaginary friends, or toy dolls you've brought along. Bring a bucket along. Explain that you frequently get ill. Oh yeah.... # .. Make sure your entire outfit was purchased at the Clemson University Bookstore. The colors orange and purple are proven aphrodisiacs. (for elephants, whales, and hippos!) Quote Beavis & Butthead...escpecially in reference to how your date would like to be pleased. Listen to violent music before going out. Recite all the expletives during your meal. After kissing him/her explain that you're doing a study on the spread of mononucleosis. Shoot hoops with shrimp into his/her wine glass. Show up with make up on ninety percent of youre body...all lipstick... especially if you're male. Dominate the conversation. Every time your date opens his mouth, interrupt and start a new conversation. Belch. Rate yourself. Complain of the effects of the acid you dropped before the meal. Comment that the table would look simply marvelous with a severed head as a centerpiece. As you food arrives, mention how long it's been since you last ate raw meat. Count your contraceptives. Stroke your thigh while commenting how much you can't wait until the meal is over. Yawn. Don't cover your mouth. Roar. When the meal is done and the question arises of whether to go someplace else, politely decline saying that you have had your fill of bad taste for the night.