Mimmsicle

[FONT=Verdana][SIZE=1][COLOR=Navy]This is by no means polished, so excuse grammar, spelling and tense mistakes.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [COLOR=SlateGray] [CENTER][B]Road to Elation.[/B][/CENTER] [I]??Mind the gap, please.? [/I] Snapping out of her thoughts she gathers her handbag and gets up. Walking over to the doors where he?s standing she steal glances at him, trying to see if he took notice of her intense staring during the entire time he?d been on the coach. His eyes are still gazing out of the dirty windows, seemingly oblivious to the world around him. With a beating heart she stands opposite of him and waits for the coach to stop. She shuts her eyes tightly, smelling his after shave in the air. The lulling movement from the coach and the gentle scent from him causes her to sigh contently. Aware of the slip in self control she lifts up her head and slowly opens her eyes again to claim one last look at him before the--- He?s smiling. [I]At her[/I]. Taking her in with his warm eyes. A loud screeching sound echoes all around and suddenly she?s flying onto him. Handbags and humans are scattered all over the place, startled screams fill the air. But all she sees is his eyes looking into hers with an expression she?s never seen before. All she feels is his body so close to hers that she?s not sure if she?s still in her own. Then the lights die. Stunned by the enrapturing scent and the sensation of his soft lips enveloping hers she instinctively reciprocates, fumbling in her attempts to respond. Painfully aware of her inexperience she resigns to simply savour the unlikely moment and embrace the pleasure to the fullest, etching every single detail to her memory. His hands moves flighty over her arms, barely touching her skin, up to her face, stroking her hair and picking out strands, twirling them between his fingers. Kissing her deeper, his soft tongue slips over her lips and into her mouth, begging for her to affirm him. His hands carefully tug at her shirt, sliding in under the fabric and lightly stroking her stomach with the tips of his fingers. The advances fuels the passion rushing over her and clashes violently with the chill rushing everywhere his fingertips move. Lost in the sensations she drops her handbag and wishes the coach never reaches the next stop. [I]??Mind the gap, please.?[/I] The train suddenly thrusts into motion again, separating her body from his. Having been torn from the pleasurable, yet confusing moment, she hesitates about what to do. The lights flicker back and the doors open. People swarm in and he is no longer there when she looks for him. With her heart sinking from disappointment and her mind questioning if what happened was just a fiction of her imagination, she gathers up her handbag and pushes her way through the crowd. Battling conflicting thoughts she sprints across the station, bumping into masses of unrecognisable faces. She comes to a stop in a quiet corridor around a corner, the sound from the moving mass becoming distant. Breathing heavily from exhaustion and lingering excitement she rests her burning forehead against the cool wall and absentmindedly strokes the marble surface. Sensory memories of his hands sliding over her arms, his lips kissing her softly and determinedly, washes over her as she recounts the event over and over again in her mind. Crackling from the PA system announcing the last train departure disrupts her fantasies from trailing further. Whimpering from the torment of being torn from her blissful encounter so abruptly, before given a chance to explore what she had to offer, she lets her arms fall to her sides and prepares to leave. Suddenly soft lips caress her neck, placing kisses everywhere, and a warm body leans closer to her. [I]??Next coach from Utopia to Reality is leaving at platform 7.? [/I] A pair of hands traces the shape of her body and she giggles almost inaudibly, not quite believing the surreal perfection of what is happening. The lips and hands intensify their effort in greeting her as she begins to push herself from the wall. She catches one of the hands and leads the way to a nearby door. When both of them have entered the room she turns and smiles confidently, feeling absolutely sure of herself in the lips locking hers in a whirlwind kiss. The last thing she hears before the door closes is the end tail of the PA announcement. [I]?Mind the gap between the platform and the coach.?[/I] [/COLOR]

[FONT=Verdana][SIZE=1][COLOR=Navy]*takes a moment to build Syk a shrine and bring offerings to it* Aaaah, the latest banner is a joy to behold. The timing, composition, style; it's simply gorgeous. I'd dare to be so bold to say it's my favourite Kill Bill banner from you to date ~_^ There's great consistency in the flow, nothing is interrupting my eyes in this one (*coughs politely and grins*). The opening 'countdown' adds some fun to it and is a great attention catcher. It makes you curious as to what you've come up with, hehe. The fact that you've taken those two video clips that match (in terms of content/feel), merged them splendidly [I]and [/I] flawlessly added your logo animation into it, just makes this banner all the more rocking. Spiffing job, James ^___^[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][SIZE=1][COLOR=Navy]*cracks knuckles* My English skills aren't good enough to allow me to participate in discussion, which is probably why I've not done it much. But I gotta start somewhere, so let's see if I do this.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [quote name='James][color=#707875']If you look at my Elle banner, you'll find that it has animation on both sides, in the same way as this one.[/color][/quote] [FONT=Verdana][SIZE=1][COLOR=Navy]Yes, but it's more balanced. At least the first one is. The J logo doesn't take [I]away [/I] from anything in that one, but rather it [B]adds [/B] to the Kill Bill video. You successfully captured the same feel as Mr Tarantino gave off as she was introduced. The Vernita banner is competing with the logo for attention, the two animations almost segregating one another, whereas the animations in the Elle banner worked together.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [quote name='James][color=#707875']In terms of being confusing, well...it doesn't hurt my eyes or anything. And I'm incredibly anal about that type of thing. I can see how it would be confusing for various people though. But that's okay; I kind of like having an image that you can look at again and again without getting bored, or ignoring it. It kind of begs your eye to move around and explore, which isn't such a bad trait.[/color][/quote][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=1][COLOR=Navy]I never said it was [I]confusing[/I]. Because the logo moves so fast and the video moves [a lot] slower, it doesn't feel like it has a ... It doesn't fuse as well as your Elle banner did, I guess. In my eyes, heh. But you're right about it demanding the attention of whoever scrolls down the page. And that [I]is [/I] a good thing.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [quote name='Mimmi][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=1][COLOR=Navy]Maybe you should do a Budd banner next and see if you can appeal him to me :p[/COLOR][/FONT'][/SIZE][/quote] [quote name='James][color=#707875']As far as Budd goes...I never said he was appealing, hehe. But the audience is meant to have some sympathy for him initially, for sure. I'm happy to discuss that anytime though -- and in actual fact, I haven't yet done a Budd theme for my OB stuff. I've done Elle and Vernita themes and that's all. I'll still do the rest at some stage. So maybe you'll see Budd in there. ~_^[/color][/quote][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=1][COLOR=Navy]What I meant with that was simply that I suggested you'd do him next and then I could find some sympathy for him [looking good] in your banner, seeing as I can't find it in the movie. And you know I'm soft for your skills. Ehum.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][SIZE=1][COLOR=Navy]This isn't intended to come off as harsh, but your latest banner isn't up to scratch. At least not compared to the recent ones. The movie capture is fine, it moves at a good pace and is pretty much seamless. The J logo is good too, but it's way too fast. When you combine that with the action in the Kill Bill part of the banner, it's just too ... busy. Your eye doesn't know where to go and it ends up being frustrating to look at. On their own, the two parts would've been fine. Put together they cancel each other out, I'm afraid. Maybe you should do a Budd banner next and see if you can appeal him to me :p[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][SIZE=1][COLOR=Navy]The imagery going on in my head, while reading the first part, is this black and white classic movie. You've got all the right elements and you're utilizing them exquisitely. There's a lot of drama in the air, but it's not done with an 'overthetop flare'. Instead you let most of it loom in the description. And I have to say that removing the last part (about the tear) made it more 'correct'. Not saying it wasn't good, but it did feel slightly out of character/context. Going to the next part, it still feels like a continuation of the first part. But where the first part gave off a chilled sadness, the second part felt more warming and sweet. So they both do a great job in conveying emotions ^_^ In almost every sentence you've incorporated so much life, one can't help but be swept away by this story. The language isn't trying to go over the readers head, while at the same time not talking down to him/her. You've struck a wonderful balance in telling this tale. Can't wait to read more ^_^[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana][SIZE=1][COLOR=Navy]The most stupid thing a guy has ever said to me was "Do you have a light ?". Yes. That blew any chance he had, along with any chance I had. Stupid. [And to make this post less spammy, I shall add that I strongly detest the smell of smoke. Not to mention the damage it does, firsthand or secondhand.][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]I've had trouble lately viewing the wallpapers and greetings. After clearing out my cookies and logging out of myOtaku and then log in again, I got the wallpaper site to work. The greetings, however, still won't show up for me.[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]Ideas/suggestions ?[/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]That hand is absolutely exquisite. I actually placed my own hand to match the stance of the hand in your drawing, just to have a natural preference, and found that you've really done well in capturing what it looks like. Marvellous ^_^[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]As for the parchment, I can't give a constructive opinion there. For someone who can't draw (like me), those things can be a hassle to get right. The fact that you've not drawn it from a side angle (and showing how the paper is curled) felt strange at first, hehe.[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred] But I will say that it looks good, with that tea-stained color and somewhat soft edge where it's rolled up.[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]I really, [i]really[/i] like this drawing. It has a wonderful feel to it and more than anything, it conveys the spirit of a writer ^_^ (forgive the cheesy moment)[/color][/size][/font]

Track 03: L'Arena[size=4][b]"The Daughter"[/size][/b] [b]Weapon of Choice:[/b] [u]A blowgun-spear[/u], strapped to her right thigh. A few darts soaked in various poisons and lethal drugs are embedded in what appears to be simple [u]charm bracelets[/u], one on each arm. They are often mistaken and admired for being beautiful jewellery but are in fact a deadly accessory, much like ?The Daughter? herself. [b]Appearance:[/b] ?The Daughter? is a slender girl, measuring up somewhere at 5?2. Her strength does not show in bulky muscles, but that?s not to say she can?t pack a punch and add a one-way ticket to the morgue with it. She always wear skirts, cut shortly above her knees, to access her weapon easily. The short black hair shimmers in dark and ambient blue, depending on the light. Her eyes are crystal clear green, which has been said to sometimes be as hypnotizing as those of a serpent. Idle gossipers, mostly employees who feel overlooked and begrudges her elevated position, have claimed that she is the reincarnation of a mystical creature, an Asura (demon). They say she was reborn with ancient rituals and her sole purpose in life is to bring down misfortune (and death). This rumour has been [secretly] endorsed by her father, who takes much pleasure in having produced such a magnificent heir and bodyguard. Through many years of disciplined training in martial arts and gymnastics, she?s acquired the talent to appear completely relaxed in any situation. That ease has made many a men (and women) mistake her for being harmless. She knows of the advantage behind the power of underestimation and uses it to its full potential. [b]Sample of "The Daughter":[/b] She stared down at the dead body of yet another fool who had tried to challenge her father. This one was the same as all the others, offering no challenge, igniting that suppressed thought of why she had to do this over and over again. From the moment she realised what her fate had in store, what this role forced upon her meant, a deep seated hatred had begun to grow in her heart. Hatred towards the future, her tumultuous past and the man ---. Her mind was not allowed to slip for more than that, as a hand was placed on her shoulder and Yasuo spoke softly, almost lovingly, in her ear ?That?s my girl. You serve your father well?. Reminding herself of the loyalty she owed him for the time and effort he had invested in her (for putting her through endless hours of brutal and degrading training supervised by various demanding and sadistic sensei?s, for ordering her to carry out the meaningless slaughter that would ensure the growth of the clan and for the trust he put in her to keep them both alive), she pushed back the treacherous thoughts swarming in her mind. It was not time to rebel and break away, not yet... As she turned and looked into the eyes of her father, she noted that there was something different about them tonight. The charismatic sparkle, that always played there when he witnessed her handiwork, had darkened to a foreboding menacing glare. The two stood opposite one another for a brief moment before Yasuo removed his hand and walked past her. When he reached the door, he hesitated slightly. Her fathers? odd behaviour was disturbing. Had she not done right by him ? Was her performance tonight not satisfactory ? ?Father ?? He moved his hand to the doorknob and stated indifferently ?You will make the perfect gift to Adam?. Her heart skipped a beat at the realization of what had just been said. But before she could fully grasp what it meant and respond in any way, Yasuo had disappeared into the shadows of the dark alley beyond the door.

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]I know you're concentrating on writing short stories at the moment, so don't feel pressured to put anything up here just because I replied. Ok ? ~_^ Good.[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000]It's fascinating how you're describing a rather crude world and yet there is a sense of sweetness interwoven into the story. The young man at the bakery may not be the most innocent of people, but his "naivity" is really heartwarming ... in a slightly twisted way, hehe. I mean he's giving out those black boxes quite lovingly. You really are moving forward with your writing, especially with description/action ^_^[/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]I looked through the most recent posts in this thread, but saw no mention of this. If it is a repetition, then I apologise. It's happened quite a few times lately that I've signed a Guestbook and get the message "[/color][/size][/font][color=darkred][font=Verdana][size=1][b]There is no such user.[/b]" instead of the usual "The guestbook has been signed." (the adress bar says 'error/23/' if that helps to know). However, when I've gone back a step I find that my message has been submitted. So it is not a [i]problem[/i] per se, just a little confusing ^_^[/size][/font][/color]

[font=Verdana][color=darkred]You are [b]really[/b] advancing with this story, Shin. The latest chapter was [i]brilliantly[/i] laid out, both in content and execution.[/color][/font] [font=Verdana][color=#8b0000]I will wait patiently to see where this all leads ^_^[/color][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]I really like the New York banners, because it's nifty that you can take a simple photograph (that probably looked great in the beginning) and transform it into a piece of art ^_^[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]The third one really catches your eye, since it has the people in it and the cab in the background gives it a very New York feel (says the girl who has only seen it in various tv-shows on telly *lol*). Compared to the second one (which is overcrowded and has little focus) and the forth one (which has a feeling of being too arranged) it's just very nicely compositioned, hehe.[/color][/size][/font] [color=darkred][/color] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font][color=darkred] [/color] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]As for the final banner, I agree on the font. And the picture doesn't seem to match the background. [/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred][/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]It'd be interesting to see you work with a new and different background. [/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred][/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]Cool stuff ^_^[/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]I can see why it was such a joy to write, just by reading it ^__^ [/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][color=darkred][/color][/font][size=1] [/size] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]Even though I want to slap [i]Dr[/i]. Milo, it's wonderful to see him jerk around with everyone, hehe. And General Rogers is ... [freakishly] funny, haha. It's good entertainment in the story, but I'd hate to think about how many General Rogers there are out there O.o;;;; How much more have you got up your sleeve, with this story ?[/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]Wow, that really messed with [i]my[/i] head ...[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000]I am very much looking forward to understanding this world you've created, because right now I'm as confused as Jacob. That's a bad thing for Jacbo, but a good thing for the reader - it gives us an opportunity to think about what's going on. We might even go so far as to bringing those thoughts into our own world and broaden our minds ~_^[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000][/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000]You've snuck in a little bit more 'Julia perspective' in this chapter, while still not giving away too much. Very nice moment ^_^[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000][/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000]"Feed me - I'm hungry" ;p[/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]Well, I'm no art expert, but I feel at liberty to say that you're doing really well with your drawings. [/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]I like how it looks like the first girl (in your latest batch) is pouting, it adds a playfulness to it. Hehe. The left shoulder (her right, I guess) is a little bit off, but that's it. Everything else is fine ^_^[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred][/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]The black and white sketch is gorgeous, don't know what else I can add about that ^_^; [/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred][/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]The last one is my favourite, because you've created such a magnetic look in his eyes. It really feels like he's inviting, or demanding (~_^), you to take his hand.[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred][/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]I'm looking forward to seeing your other art, such as woodwork and I think you talked about a silver ring ?[/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]You sure are creating interest in Julia now, ehum. It was nice to see how they interacted with eachother, or didn't, depending on how you look at it. Heh.[/color][/size][/font] [size=1][color=#8b0000][/color][/size][font=Verdana] [/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000]So many questions are raised at this point and I imagine there will be even more as the story progresses. I look forward to knowing more about this tale ^_^[/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]Any and all tracks from [i]The Last Samurai[/i] Soundtrack makes my eyes tear up. [spoiler]Especially the one that is played during the final battle, where you know the music stops and you hear nothing but the machine gun, then the music softly returns.[/spoiler] In combination with the memory of that scene, it makes the listen ever so powerful. [/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]Did someone call my name ? :p[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000]Regarding the last chapter, I am absolutely enthralled by how weird you make these situations and yet they appear perfectly normal. Because in one minute I'm thinking "uhm, what was that ?", but then the characters react as if it was nothing or they say/do something equally weird, and it all makes sense somehow. [/color][/size][/font] [color=#8b0000][/color][font=Verdana][size=1] [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000]You're not mirroring the world in which [i]we[/i] live in, so of course it'll be weird[er] if I/we go by our standards and compare the two. And let's face it, this world is seriously weird :P[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000][/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000]Also, in a way, Jacob helps the reader to get to grips with everything, because he's not familiar with this place either. Though he still has some knowledge to it, he just can't remember it, and instinctively knows how to respond to situations.[/color][/size][/font] [color=#8b0000][/color][font=Verdana][size=1] [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000]I don't know how much sense I just made, but simply put: I love the atmosphere you've injected into this story. It makes for an enchanted read.[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000][/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000]*turns the page* ~_^[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]This chapter was superbly funny, to the point and it had a great pace. [/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]You've done a great job on Milo's character and the way he interracts with people around him. [/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred][/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]Once I've read the entire story, I'll try to give you a more intelligent review than the ones I've given you on each chapter :p[/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]The last chapter was disturbing, but good. It all felt sickly and confusing, like it must have for Jacob *shivers*[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000]I thought the scenes with the old men were magnificent. How the first two couldn't talk about it, still being in denial and the last one accepting it, but not getting more peace of mind at all.[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000][/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000]Where will all this lead ? Solo and I (along with everyone else) would like to know *bites pencil*[/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]*nearly chokes on her cottage cheese*[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]That was brilliant ! It made me laugh so hard I thought I'd never be able to breathe again XD[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred][/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]The "Plushies" will be just as smashing as the regular chapters ^__^[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred][/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]Personally I think that you've balanced everything splendidly. [/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred] [/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]Your points are subtle, but noticable. It feels like you want the readers to find things for themselves, but at the same time you give enough to satisfy those who don't want to think too much on their own. The tone of the story is very serious, but you've snuck in some quirky bits that one can't help but smirk over. Nice touch.[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred] [/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]I believe it is time for the next chapter now ^_^[/color][/size][/font]

[size=1][color=darkred]I would very much like to know where this story goes. Would you be so kind as to reveal the fate of the young woman to us ?[/color][/size]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000]I really like the people you put into the story, because you don't go too far with description and still manage to make them more than "story filling" (ie add something for the main character to react on). They feel just as real and thought out as Jacob. You tell us how you see them, but leave an opening for personal interpretation.[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000][/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000]The grumpy old lady with the dog can be seen as only annoying, but she could also be pitied for her loneliness. The young man at the bakery can come off as anything from psychotic to heroic, haha.[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000][/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000]OB must see more of this epic, Shin.[/color][/size][/font]