Mimmsicle

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]Wow.... I could barely breathe as I was reading this and at the end I was actually shedding tears. This was an utterly stunning excursion into your writing abilities.[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][/font][size=1][color=darkred] [/color][/size] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]The scenary is so beautifully crisp and perfectly outlined, Steven's anguish seeps into your mind and you can [i]feel[/i] how tormented he is. It's easy to feel incredibly disturbed and amazed at how vividly you've captured his journey.[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][/font][size=1][color=darkred] [/color][/size] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]There is so much [b]life[/b] in this story (and no, I'm not saying your other stories are flat).[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred][/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]*gestures* [/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred][/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred][b]I love it.[/b][/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]I am impressed Shin. This story feels very focused and driven (and I've read all 3 chapters, so I'm speaking of what I've seen as a whole, not just this chapter)[/color][/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]. As always, you create a fascination for your characters. How did they end up here, what happened, where are they going ? It's difficult to strike that balance, where you're teasing the reader to want to know more and giving them enough to not become frustrated and/or lose interest. But I feel that you're doing a great job.[/color][/size][/font] [color=darkred] [font=Verdana][size=1]Your style feels very mature and you are keeping it "plain", meaning you don't resort to funny antics (like caricaturing the people Jacob meet) just to amuse the reader. It seems that you are serious in telling a good story here, and want to go about it in a professional way (without losing the traits that your stories carry)[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Splendid. Simply splendid ^_^[/size][/font][/color][color=darkred][font=Verdana] [/font][/color]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred][b]I'm unable to turn comments off.[/b] Sorry for making this post spammy, but there really isn't much more to say.[/color][/size][/font]

[size=1][color=darkred]As always, I want more and will be kept waiting. It captured the feeling[s] that fly about as you ready yourself for a journey (be it mentally or physically) and there's interest created simply by telling us you are about to tell a story. Good work, you've hooked our attention. Now it's time to reel us in ~_^[/color][/size]

[size=1][color=darkred]I can only second everything Shin has said. You run no risk of balancing between angsty and over pretentious. It runs so peacefully and hits the marks it sets out to strike. [/color][/size][font=Verdana][color=darkred][/color][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]It's a perfect inside look as to how it differs from what you send out and actually feel/think. You astound me with your writing, truly.[/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]Positively spot-on-brilliant, Des ! *applauds* Bravo ~_^ I now feel a very strong urge to have an opinion about the new features and to visit your myOtaku. O.o;;;[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000]Once again, Des moves the masses ~_^[/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]Well, the mugger doesn't need to be developed more. It's just that since he [b]spoke[/b], I wanted some kind of emotion behind it. If he had just tried to get away...*shrugs and smiles* He was an *** for killing Sarah, so he didn't deserve a character development >:| [/color][/size][/font][size=1][font=Verdana][color=darkred]And yes, I [i]actually[/i] got the "blame" scene ~_^ But I need to pick on your stories, otherwise you'll slack ! ^_^[/color][/font][/size]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]Here comes I with my verdict ~_^ *lol* Just kidding. It was a brilliant story, you managed going from present to past and back again (several times) [i]very[/i] well. [/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000][/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000]The only part I feel a bit iffy about, is the mugging sequence. You don't give much of a description to the mugger, so it's difficult to get a real grasp of how he delivers the "[color=#000000]She wouldn?t listen to me,? the mugger said. ?She refused to cooperate?[/color]" Is he cold blooded, scared witless ? [/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000]And it seems a little strange that Wolf later on says[color=darkred] "[color=#000000]It may be you[/color]". We get that he blames Johnny for what happened, but to say that is ... off beat ? I'm not sure, heh.[/color][/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000]What I do know for sure is that you got a really good vibe going, grabbing the attention of the reader and keeping it. You've done great with the two characters and it's easy to get excited about this piece. [/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000][/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000]Thumbs up for you, Shin ^_^[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000][/color][/size][/font]

[left][font=Tahoma][/left] "He would sometimes walk up to me, holding his hands behind his back. He never said ?[i]left or right ? [/i]? Instead he asked the most elaborate questions, such as ?[i]If the moon were to come down and cross the street, which way would it look first ? [/i]?. No matter what answer I gave him, I was always rewarded with a single red rose." [center][/font][font=Tahoma][color=gray][font=Tahoma][color=darkred][Like thorns on a pretty rose that pricks and draw your blood, his words that day][/center] [center][/color][/font][/color][color=gray][font=Tahoma][color=black]?his lips, his eyes, his scent after those ridiculously long showers?[/center] [center][/color][/font][/color][color=gray][font=Tahoma][color=darkred][stab and bleed my heart to an early grave][/center] [/color][/font][/color][/font] [font=Tahoma]I peaked into the living room and found him immersed in unpacking something out of a big cardboard box. Observing him, I debated with myself whether or not I should ask him. On [b]one[/b] hand he might dodge the question with jokes and vague hints. But on the other hand I was dying to know. [/font][font=Tahoma]As I stood there contemplating what to do, he started talking to the cushions on the couch as if they were babies. [/font][font=Tahoma][color=dimgray][i]" Whoooo?s teh most curious cat yoo ever saw ?.... Gawfeeld ? Nah, he was juss lazy... Teh Sheshir kitty ? Nuh-uh, dat wassunt a pwoper cat[/i]? "[/color] [/font][font=Tahoma]I instantly picked up the tone in his voice, the [b]one[/b] he put on whenever he felt particularly mischievous. [/font][font=Tahoma][color=dimgray]" [i]Who?... Oh, yesssss. She is[/i] [b]one[/b] [i]dweadfuwwy curious cat ! [/i]"[/color] He giggled, pleased with himself. [/font][font=Tahoma]Shaking my head I mused about how in tune of my presence he always was. If there was [b]one[/b] thing I could be absolutely certain of, it was that I would never be lost with him. Knowing he had noticed my hovering, I decided to dare the plunge. Taking a deep breath, I entered the living room as casually as I could. [/font][font=Tahoma]? W[i]hy only[/i] [b]one[/b] ? ?. [/font][font=Tahoma]He fumbled with the plastic wrappings, doing mock anguished faces. Tossing a scissor to the side he looked up at me, smiling. [/font][font=Tahoma][color=dimgray]?[i]This thing blew a pretty big hole in our savings and you didn?t seem too keen on trying it out, so I figured[/i] [b]one[/b] [i]would be enough [/i]?[/color] [/font][font=Tahoma]I laughed softly and knelt down to ruffle his hair. ?[i]You silly man [/i]?. He pretended to purr as I combed through it with my fingers. [color=dimgray]?[i]Meow ? [/i]? [/color] [/font][font=Tahoma]?[i]The roses, why do you give me just the [/i][b]one[/b][i] ? Hm ? [/i]? I asked again, determined to coax it out of him. [/font][font=Tahoma]He tilted his head, breaking away from my hand. [/font][font=Tahoma][color=dimgray]? [i]Do you really want to unveil the secrets behind the giving of the[/i] [b]one[/b] [i]rose ? [/i]?[/color] [/font][font=Tahoma]I threw my head back, raised my arms to the air and exclaimed in a dramatic voice ?[i]Dare I open the gates that will reveal the origin of this mystery !? Whatever will I uncover when I?[/i]?. [/font][font=Tahoma]In the middle of my Greek tragedy impression, I realised he wasn?t cheering me on. Instead he sat there quietly, still tilting his head. But the smile was gone. [/font][font=Tahoma][color=dimgray]? [i]Because you are my[/i] [b]one[/b] [i]and only '[/i] [/color][/font][font=Tahoma]" I forget how long I held on to the hope that he would find me, feeling more lost as each night passed. There?s no telling how many mornings I woke up and expected to look into his eyes, only to be met with the nothing that had forced its way into his place. I lived and was thankful, but all the same I died. [/font][font=Tahoma]Time went by and I began devoting myself to saving others like me, inspired by the thought that it might be [i]his[/i] life I rescued [b]one[/b] day. But it was never him. For each person I saved, he slipped further away. Until finally, he was gone. [/font][font=Tahoma]Believing that what I accomplished was for a greater good, I moved on. Surviving on the promises that my future would ensure some measure of peace, I erased myself. [/font][font=Tahoma][color=black][font=Tahoma]?. Then [b]one[/b] day, I found [i]you[/i]. And it started all over again? "[/font][/color][/font] [font=Tahoma][color=black][font=Tahoma] [center][/font][/color][color=gray][font=Tahoma][color=darkred][The pretty rose wilted and died, just as your voice faded and silenced][/center] [center][/color][color=black]?my one and only?[/center] [center][/color][color=darkred][its thorns remain to protect a fresh new bud, that [b][font=Tahoma]one[/font][/b] day will flower][/center] [/color][/font][/color][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]They're both gorgeous ! The Libra one feels [i]very[/i] balanced. I love how you did her dress, particularly how it crosses over her waist. Spot on brilliant *bows* The sorceress is wonderful, you've done great with the ruffles on the dress. It just screams medieval and magic ^__^ The coloration are splendid on [b]both[/b] images. All together Lovely ^_^[/color][/size][/font]

[size=1][color=darkred]*giggles* The comic relief in you never fails, does it ? =P It's a simple and fun banner. So it doesn't make many, if any, mistakes. Fun stuff *nods and smiles*[/color][/size]

[quote name='Shinmaru']The only problem that I see is that the bluriness in the background is somewhat hard on the eyes, but it's not too bad. [/quote] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]I acutally disagree >_>; The bluriness makes it more relaxing to look at, for me. Hehe. But anywhoo, the image is cut perfectly and is crisp. The darker background works splendidly with the lighter image. I'm glad you didn't include any text, but if you do at some point I wish you all the best ^_^;[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000][/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000]Overall a job well done *thumbs up*[/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]I'm not really into cursors, but you've done a really good job with these. I particularly like the Leaf Village Symbol. What program did you use to make these ?[/color][/size][/font]

[size=1][color=darkred]*looks around dumbfounded* No one replied to this yet ?.... *grins and adjusts her glasses* This is [i]delicious[/i]. The color, how you shaded it, placement of everything. Just [b]delicious[/b]. I can imagine this being some kind of cave (simply because the color is bouncing around, much like it would in a cave if there were light in it), or possible somewhere in a space ship... or [i]in[/i] space, hehe. The way you've only framed the left and upper side of the image is quite effective. It signals that it isn't completely boxed in, but moves somewhat freely. Your design on the "border" makes it look like the image is a snapshot, or ... not a blue-print maybe but ... if you've seen X-2 (the scene where[spoiler]Mystique goes through Stryker's files)[/spoiler]) you'll get an idea of what I mean. Some random thoughts I get: it looks like ladders have been inserted and is meshing with the wires/cables, suggesting this could be a place where thoughts/ideas dwell and wander. Because you've 'highlighted' the center of the image, using lighter blues and the white, it appears that it is either about to explode... or it serves to show that it holds some unknown importance. That whatever is hiding inside the core, is meaningful. *shrugs and smiles* There's my bag of chips ^_^[/color][/size]

[size=1][color=darkred]One word: [b]Yummy[/b] ^_^ [/color][/size][size=1][color=darkred]It looks like candy, hehe.[/color][/size] [size=1][color=#8b0000][/color][/size] [size=1][color=#8b0000]The colors are really soft, but not muted and that adds to the joy of looking at it. It could've easily gone flat if you had held back on the vibrancy *nods*[/color][/size] [size=1][color=#8b0000][/color][/size] [size=1][color=#8b0000]Somehow I think of a bag of marbles being emptied ^__^ And it actually looks like a teddybear that's lying on the bottom of the image *giggles*[/color][/size] [size=1][color=#8b0000][/color][/size] [size=1][color=#8b0000]The text feels appropriately placed. I don't think there's anything I want to complain or nag about here ~_^[/color][/size] [size=1][color=#8b0000][/color][/size] [size=1][color=#8b0000]Very fun and fresh *thumbs up*[/color][/size]

[center][color=#999999][font=Tahoma][size=2][/center] [center][/center] [center][b] Cause to effect ? [/b][/center] [center][/size][/font][/color][color=#999999][font=Tahoma][size=2]Are you ready to turn the key,[/center] [center][/size][/font][/color][color=#999999][font=Tahoma][size=2]open the door and flick on the lights ? [/center] [center][/size][/font][/color][color=#999999][font=Tahoma][size=2]Has the time come to prepare yourself,[/center] [center][/size][/font][/color][color=#999999][font=Tahoma][size=2]to wake up and never go back ?[/center] [font=Tahoma][color=#000000]His chest was slowly moving up and down as he breathed, a mumble telling of the dreams he had. Hesitantly she reached out and touched his arm. His muscles, always tense from the strains of keeping reality from illusion, were relaxed now. A sweet smile played on her lips, her happiness betrayed only by the pain in her eyes as she saw him sleep so peacefully. S[/color][/font][font=Tahoma][color=#000000]he could feel him respond to her fingers as she moved them lovingly over his skin, his murmurs broken by deep sighs. Her thoughts trailed, soothed by the safety that always enclosed her in his company. Half closing her eyes, she let her hand wander over his familiar shape. [/color][/font][font=Tahoma][color=#000000]Falling into a trance-like state she watched her fingers trace circles at the base of his neck, but was dragged back into reality as his body jerked violently. [/color][/font][font=Tahoma][color=#000000]Startled, she quickly withdrew her hand and pushed herself away from him. A sudden jolting of memories washed over her. [/color][/font][font=Tahoma][color=#000000]Turning away and sitting upright on the bed, she tried to stop the racing visions of wires choking her, of machines watching her, that sickening fluid dripping off her body, the claustrophobic space that imprisoned her. [/color][/font][font=Tahoma][color=#000000]Holding both hands over her mouth, she forced the screams back down to her lungs. Her eyes and cheeks burned as the tears rolled rapidly down them. She could feel her heart beating out of her breast, the lack of oxygen causing her to convulse. Soon her body would be shaking beyond control, rousing her lover to wake. [/color][/font][font=Tahoma][color=#000000]She slid off the edge of the bed and staggered to the nearest door. Hunching over and staring at the floor, she tried to focus on putting one foot in front of the other. After a few steps she looked up to see how far away from the door she was. The room was starting to spin around her, distorting into freakish shapes and figures. Darkness seemed to be oozing and crawling out of the walls, threatening to devour her. [/color][/font][font=Tahoma][color=#000000]Desperately fumbling for the door handle, she could sense she was losing the battle against the fear and anxiety that clawed inside of her. Thinking she would never make it, she suddenly felt the metallic door brush against her arm. A small wave of relief swept over her briefly and she flung the door open, closed and locked it, immediately collapsing on the floor. [/color][/font][font=Tahoma][color=#000000]Curling up into a fetal position, she fought for air, her muscles seizing. Sobbing and spasming, she closed her eyes and prayed she would wake up. [font=Tahoma]Somewhere in the distance she could hear low voices. Groggily she opened her eyes and was instantly blinded by bright lights. Groaning, she squinted and tried to raise her arms to fend off the invading whiteness. They wouldn?t move. She must?ve used up all her strength. When she moaned softly, the voices hushed and died out. Someone began stroking her arm, whispering softly in her ear. - [/font][color=#999999][font=Tahoma][i]Shhh, try to stay calm. Everything will be alright.[/i] [/font][/color][font=Tahoma]The voice sounded reassuring, but it filled her with unexplainable sadness. - [/font][color=#999999][font=Tahoma][i]Don?t cry. You?ll be fine. No more tears, ok ?[/i] [/font][/color][font=Tahoma]She tried to laugh, but could only muster a sigh. Her mind was weary and tired, her entire body ached. Where was she ? What happened ? The voice spoke to her again, more demanding this time. - [/font][color=#999999][font=Tahoma][i]Try not to worry yourself too much. You need your rest now.[/i] [/font][/color][font=Tahoma]Inhaling deeply, she reluctantly gave in and drifted away. [font=Tahoma]Two men stood looking at the woman strapped on the bed, exchanging words of apprehension and concern. They tensed and silenced when she stirred slightly. Motioning to eachother, they stepped aside, careful not to disturb her further. When she appeared to be settling, they resumed their conversation. - [color=darkslategray][i]W[/i][/color][color=#333333][color=darkslategray][i]hat happened??[/i] [/color] [/color] - [color=#999999][font=Tahoma][i]We?re not sure. And it is not important. All that matters is that she?s here.[/i] [/font][/color][/font] [/font][/color][/font][/size][/font][/color]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]I thought this was beautiful. There is so much imagery going on, I get plenty of movie-like scenes playing in my head.[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000][/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000]The flow is nice and easy and there's no disturbance when you cut back from the chorus to the verse.[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000][/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000]Excellent piece, Kenji ! ^_^[/color][/size][/font]

[size=1][color=darkred]I can't seem to modify posts today. It takes me to the actual modify page, but there is no button to submit the modified post.[/color][/size]

[size=1][color=darkred]Oooook, no offence to your poetry (which was very sweet, by the way) but it simply took away from the image ^_^;[/color][/size] [size=1][color=#8b0000][/color][/size] [size=1][color=#8b0000]I thought you'd blended the colors perfectly, there was smoothness and yet a rough feel to it. Probably because of the lines going through it. They kept it sharp, so to speak.[/color][/size] [size=1][color=#8b0000][/color][/size] [size=1][color=#8b0000]Gorgeous piece. That's all I can say. You hit all the right buttons with this one ^__^[/color][/size]

[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkred]Mimmi [/color][/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkred]Cassandra [/color][/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkred]Cassandra stared at the clock on the wall, hoping that it would magically materialize so that she could kill it. If she hadn?t been so superbly sucky at math, she would?ve counted how many seconds of her time that had been wasted, staring at it for nearly 5 minutes now. [/color][/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkred]Keeping that gaze of boredom, she shifted from the clock to the teacher, Mr Rygowsky, catching the last fragment of an overkill speech about the importance of not mixing your y?s with your x?s. [/color][/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkred]?[i]Hehe, he got that right. You should always keep them separated[/i]?, she giggled quietly to herself. [/color][/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkred]Apparently it wasn?t quiet enough, since he gave her an odd look before slicking his well groomed hair back and closing his class with one of his infamous one-liner. The kind that?s not even funny enough to sell to Reader?s Digest. [/color][/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkred]Burying her head in the large pillow she made in arts and crafts earlier that morning, she groaned into it ?[i]find a happy place, find a happy place[/i]?. Luckily it got drowned out by the sound of the bell ringing. [/color][/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkred]Jumping to her feet, with a smile as silly as ?well, herself, she looked down at Mark and noticed he was looking at her intently. He grinned slyly and winked, holding up his own newly crafted pillow (which looked inferior to hers, she quickly noted). [/color][/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkred]Oh yes, she was definitely going to let him have a piece of her ? superior skills with handling a weapon as lethal as a pillow. [/color][/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkred]The rest of the class scuffled about the classroom and she lost sight of Mark, which was perfectly fine. That meant she could go stealth mode on him. Because everyone knows you can?t have a decent fight without some proper stalking first. [/color][/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkred]She threw her backpack over her shoulder and hunched over, sneaking down to the front row seats. Mark had been smart enough to claim the seat on the far left corner (or right, depending on where you were standing), knowing full well that the old Math teacher only focused on those in the back, who has been foolish enough to believe that those in the front row would get all the attention. [/color][/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkred]Looking past someone?s waist, she caught a glimpse of Mark standing not more than a couple steps of away. He was talking to ? she couldn?t make out who it was, but it mattered little. The main thing was that he didn?t expect an attack at this point. Life is good to you sometimes. [/color][/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkred]She stayed down for a couple of seconds, taking in the sweet victory in advance, before readying the pillow and lunging out from her hiding spot. Swinging the pillow with all her might, she howled her war cry: [/color][/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkred]" [i]COWABUNGA !![/i] " [/color][/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkred]The sound of dense fabric thwapping human skull was sweet music in her ears. She had swung the pillow so explosively, that for a moment she lost balance and tumbled to her feet. The embarrassment of publicly falling on her *** would be outweighed by the dumbfounded look on Marks face though, she thought giddily. This would make up for all the times he tricked her to slip up and make a fool of herself. [/color][/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkred]Putting on her sweetest smile, she raised her head and found herself staring into the unimpressed eyes of Mr Rygowsky, whose hair was remarkably ruffled?.. [/color][/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkred]The deadly silence that had ensued after the echoing thwap, was shattered as Mark burst out in one of his infamously loud laughter fits. She glared at him as he gathered his books and stumbled backwards out of the classroom, holding his stomach and gasping for breath between the fits. [/color][/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkred]Mr Rygowsky composed himself and walked over to his cluttered desk, declaring her impending doom: [/color][/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkred]?[i]I do believe I shall see you in detention, Miss Grey. I am most certain we will have a very fruitful conversation about the consequences of miscalculation.[/i]?.[/color][/size][/font]

[quote name='Chabichou][color=#004a6f'] I also think we should have a feature that tells us who's online, not just when people last updated.[/color][/quote][font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]I strongly disagree. If I want people to see that I'm online, I come here or go on AIM. The thought of being 'monitored' on MyO makes me feel very uneasy. Unless the option to be 'invisible' were included.[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000][/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000]Personal space is something I crave from time to time, so having people say "hey you're online, talk to me" when all I wanted to do was post and check out friends updates, would seriously stress me out.[/color][/size][/font]

[color=silver][font=Tahoma][size=2][color=gray][img]http://www.otakuboards.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=18511&stc=1[/img][/color][/size][/font][/color] [color=silver][font=Tahoma][size=2][color=#808080][/color][/size][/font][/color] [color=silver][font=Tahoma][size=2][color=black][color=silver][font=Tahoma][size=3][size=2][color=gray]Touch me now, while I can still be sure it?s real Breathe with me, before I die from artificial air Look at me, remember you promised not to let go Convince me, the nightmare was a mere reflection of a ghost Stay by my side, you know it?s not time to leave Come with me, let?s bring life to what was once a dream.... [/color][/size][/size][/font][/color] [/color][/size][/font][/color]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000]The only thing I can think of at this moment, would be to adjust notifications of updates. As it is now, I miss several updates (because of multiple posts and time difference).[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000][/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000]Just make it more noticable on the 'friends list' if someone has updated lately. It's quite easy to miss, especially if you're rushed or not focused.[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000][/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000]Thank you ^_^[/color][/size][/font]

[size=1][color=black][font=Verdana][quote]I checked myself to make [strike]certain[/strike] that I had everything that I needed.[/quote][/font][/color][b][color=maroon][font=Verdana] [/font][/color][/b][color=maroon][font=Verdana][make sure] would sound better, in my opinion?[/font][/color][/size][color=black][font=Verdana] [size=1][quote][/size][size=2]I had a few places to go today ? right now, I was on my way to see an [/size][/font][/color][b][i][u][color=maroon][font=Verdana]old[/font][/color][/u][/i][/b][i][color=black][font=Verdana] ?friend? of mine from the [/font][/color][/i][b][i][u][color=maroon][font=Verdana]old[/font][/color][/u][/i][/b][i][color=black][font=Verdana] days[/font][/color][/i][color=black][font=Verdana].[/quote][/font][/color][color=maroon][font=Verdana][size=1]Can[/size][size=1] you revise that somehow ? *[size=1]tilts[/size] [size=1]head[/size]*[/font][/color][/size][color=black][font=Verdana] [size=1][quote]The towers rose endlessly into the air and there was a beautiful stained glass window located above the entrance. I walked up the steps leading into the church and stepped inside.[/quote][/size][/font][/color][color=maroon][font=Verdana][size=1]When did he stop and park the car ?[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Verdana] [size=1][quote]Blood flowed from the fresh break, [b][i]not that it mattered[/i][/b]. He wouldn?t be feeling anything for much longer. I washed my hands again and dried them off. I put my pistol back into my jacket, stepped over the body [strike]of the person I killed[/strike], and left the bathroom.[/quote] [/size][/font][/color][size=1][color=maroon][font=Verdana][size=1]I?m not[/size] [size=1]sure about[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Verdana] [size=1]?not that it mattered?[/size][/font][/color][color=maroon][font=Verdana][size=1],[/size] [size=1]but I guess it could be left as it[/size] [size=1]stands right now.[/size] [size=1]But the[/size][/font][/color][/size][size=1][color=black][font=Verdana] ?of the person I killed? [/font][/color][color=maroon][font=Verdana]feels like overkill :p[/font][/color][/size][color=black][font=Verdana] [size=1][quote]There was not much time left in the day. The sun was already setting. I decided to head on over to the last place that I needed to go before I had an army of officers [/size][/font][/color][size=1][b][i][color=maroon][font=Verdana]on my ***.[/font][/color][/i][/b][color=black][font=Verdana] [/quote][/font][/color][/size][color=maroon][font=Verdana][size=1]Try finding[/size][size=1] another phrase ? Even though this one works well, it gets repetitive :p[/size][/font][/color] [color=maroon][font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font][/color] [color=maroon][font=Verdana][size=1]Now that the petty remarks are out of the way, it is time to gush...[/size][/font][/color] [color=maroon][font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font][/color] [left][color=maroon][font=Verdana][size=4][b]*GUSH GUSH*[/b][/size][/font][/color][/left] [center][color=maroon][font=Verdana][b][size=4][/size][/b][/font][/color] [/center] [left][color=maroon][font=Verdana][size=1]There. You are moving along brilliantly. That's all I'm feeding your ego today ~_^[/size][/font][/color][/left]

[size=1][color=darkred]You really have it in you, Shin. This is yet another brilliant story. [/color][/size] [size=1][color=#8b0000]I do have an objection to "though" being used too frequently. It keept knocking the flow of thought/emotion back a bit.[/color][/size] [size=1][color=#8b0000][/color][/size] [size=1][color=#8b0000]Your description of actions, thoughts and feeling have improved. In some places I felt that you moved too quickly forward (I'm thinking of the scenes with the gang, when they are first introduced and later on in the alley), but in general you have a great story pace.[/color][/size] [size=1][color=#8b0000][/color][/size] [size=1][color=#8b0000]I won't go into specifics (unless you want me to) and just say that it was a fantastic read. [/color][/size] [size=1][color=#8b0000][/color][/size] [size=1][color=#8b0000]Great work, Shin ![/color][/size]