White Akita

oh the character that makes me fall, so to speak ,would automaticly be sesshomaru from inuyasha. my definite type. mysterious, unshowing and calm. another would be vegeta from dbz, don't know why, but i like his attitude and sesnse of pride.-_-; he's a lot like sesshomaru in my mind...yet not. i see things dont i? ^o^.

[color=blue]i'm forced to endure many emotional moments, and different types of breakdowns. i've only had two in my life. one was just an emotinal release though. but the other, well it was extremely painful as DaggerIX1 thought and i was debilited afterwards. i couldn't take being near someone, so i ran to the first place i could. my friends closet. that was the worst part, i was at a friends house. i began punching the walls almost going completely mental. i literally went crazy for a short peroid.it still affects me even today because i almost did something i regret. time stoppd for me that moment, and made me think . i chose to live when i could have died. my life actually is a lot like persianmistress, though i haven't consumed a half-container of tylenol. i'm bound to though, but i'm keeping my hopes up, hoping and praying life gets better. faith is what keeps me going on, along with the help of the only friends i have got. i feel excluded out from everything. nobody will invite me to anything and when i am invited, i feel "out of place" 24/7. lord, even the teachers didn't like me. they pushed me, snapped, swore, and threw me agaisn't walls. the students and other class mates were the same way, but i took the abuse and stood my ground.sure i fought back, but in a different way. a way stronger force than what they could ever behold. i know how persianmistress felt, and she is right, it ain't a day in the sun.i also sought help from reliable resources but it helped little, but i made friends who at least seem to care. at least i have at least a little light from what i believe .[/color]

[size=1][color=seagreen]the happiest moment in my life is when i actually found people who would "open the door" for me, and help me. not many people actually talk to me and i thought i wasn't liked. but now i have friends who i know will help me in any situation. they have tought me more than anything any one else could ever tell me.[/size][/color]

[color=indigo]Anime guys i would date: 1.)sesshomaru[inuyasha]! i want him the most! he's got my personality and he likes to be mysterious, but can be gental too.not to mention he's hot! 2.)inuyasha. he's my second choice because he also has my personality. not exactly like sesshomaru, but i go beserk when someone says something about me i don't like. 3.)hiei [yu yu hakusho]. he's also my type. cool and hard, and hidden. its the way the person is that attracts me the most. 4.)sanouske [rurouni kenshin]. he's well..... sorta got my personality too. i've got so many different ones..... 5.)yoko kurama [yu yu hakusho]. i like foxes! espically hot ones who have evolved into something more....complex. 6.)legato [trigun]. i like people who keep an air of mystery. i am also like that a lot. and the way he tortures vash. 7.) vegeta [DBZ]. he's got an attitude like me! doesn't like people to do things for him.thats hot. 8.) kenshin [rurouni kenshin]. troublesome past, yep thats me alright. did things we now regret.that we did! those are the ones everyone says i would be most compatable with. mostly Sesshomaru!^.^ i think i've made a fool of myself enough now....[/color]

[color=purple]if i was an anime character i'd have: >long dark brown hair that shines red with bangs. >electric green demonic eyes. >long sharp claws and fangs. >nice long fluffy tail. >cats ears same color as my hair. >a sythe and sword.[love any thing sharp^-^] >a thin, strong body. >super senses and speed. >i'd have an out fit like kouga from inuyasha. >black boots rimed with fur hanging over. >pale like sesshomaru but with the slighest tint of tan. >my attitude would be a inuyasha/sesshomaru/sango/aoshi/naraku cross. >my charavter is also untrusting to anyone and it takes a LOT to gain her trust. thas my basic describtion.thats what everyone says i should look like!^-^[/color]

i thought that it was very good. i like the way its written. i'm new at this too, so i can't complain. i like stuff like this anyway. to me, its very good. but there are some critics.

[color=blue]you speak the truth dark king. i can give advise, but I cant follow it. i'm more unique than most people and they cant accept that. nobody has. teachers know i'm smart and uncontrollable, so they try to take advantage of it. i fight my way through 24-7. just like you ellester47. people will always find something that will hurt you in any way. they've always done it to me, to every one. its hard to take, but i'll always fight. i was born fighting, and i'll stay that way. it just gets so hard, so emotionally and physically hard, that it leads me to believe there is no one who cares. but i've made new friends, i've moved myself to a new level, all because of the help i can recieve. my friends, they help. my teachers, they've learned to back off. my parents have learned the same lesson. but they still take advantage of me. they dont realize that someday, ill be more powerful than them. i thank all who has given advise, and NOT used this as a chat page.[/color]

thanks for the replys. evey poem has a crirtic.i'm not complaining. i'm new to this any way. [color=red] If i had, just one moment to reflect, i would probably think, of all that i've missed. if i had, just one person to care, i would try to erase, all the pain that i've caused. if i had, just one moment to show, to show my true self, i would probably take it. if i had, that is all i ask, just for a moment, a moment to think.[/color] its prety corny, but i'm still fairley new at this.its a freewrite, i got tired of rythm[spelling is bad] and ryming .

this dream scares me. i had it about 3-4 days afo and its quite an ironic one too. i was walking dow a fairly unbeaten path full of trees at night, with the stars shining above quite brughtly. everything was peaceful until i atubled upon a dark figur. before i could see their face, a gun shot rang through the forest and fields. the clear visions soon became a swirling red haze. i feelt everything right then. the pain,my own blood seeping through my fingers, everything. i fought the haze, determined to live w/o knowing it. some thing was pushing me, to fight , to live. the image of my sister then flashed through my mind and i growled with anger . why? why was i thinking of that wench then? i looked up. there she was holding the gun with a grin on her face. grinning at my suffering. that was it. i coulnt take it any more.my claws started dripping and my fangs started baring. my green eyes started burning with even greater hatred as i stared at her through my long thick, dark brown hair.i wanted to attack her but i didn't. i also wanted to turn and run away but ididn't do that either. she began to slowly fade away. still grining. when she completely dissaperaed, i wonderif it really happened. i put my hand to whee she shot me and yes, the blood stared seeping and it was now throbbing. i dropped down and leaned agaisnt a tree and fell asleep. two weeks later i awoke in someones home. i knew that they had cared for me because i was bandaged. then a person came out and introduce himself as odly enough, joey. i somehow felt i knew him, but at the same time i ddin't . i left the hose and went back to whwere i was shot. the scene was still fresh in my mind. i had told joey about my llife and he gave some advise, saying everyone has a purpose. then we went our seperate ways. this dream really sacred me after a couple days. ironicly.

i havent done anything is the point. i am one of the good kids there, and they dont like me. if they had their way, i wouldnt be in that school.i'm not even old enough to leave home and live on my own. i've got to wait a few years. not many though. the teachers favor students and one of the least liked is me. they hang on thier "pets" word. not mine. my siblings and parents dont help much either. they always belive the teachers because their older then me. i can only think of 4 teachers in my life that would ever stick up for me. the PRINCIPAL wasn't always one of them. thanks to you all who have/are trying to help.

i've tried every **** thing in the book rttocs77!read my last post and you'd figure that out.no body NOBODY will help other than here! this was my last resort! 5 schools hate me because all the rumors teachers start. the principle, the councelers, all never believe a word i say! its my parents and teachers word against mine!every one hates me...............

[color=red] well, i've tried everyones advise. counseling, child protectionn, police, principle, everything. i hate suicide,and i'm not saying i'm going to commit. i'm just saying i'm scared fo my life. my teachers, when they hurt meand i tell, they act like they've done nothing at all. and no one is ever around to see it. its always after class. whenever i get the chance to punch the teacher, someone always gets there before i can lay a hand. i spend my life locked willfully locked in my room,drawing and writing. the only two ways i can express myself. i only leave when nobody's around so they dont treat me relentlessly. i can't get any money, but i do go to a friends whenever i can get a lift over. they are the only people i can even CONSIDER family. my parents aren't as bad as what they used to be, but i still am alone. i've looked death straight in the sockets,but i still held on. i have no idea why. i've tried to poison my self, almost pulled the trigger on the handgun, but couldnt ever do it. i believe its some sort of omen.the poems i post, people ask all the time where they come from. i always put my feelings into the paper.[theres your answer .h4ck]same with my art. somehow, the trigger will never pull, the poison will never work if its from my own hands. what am i to do if someone else has the gun pointed at me? is that another omen? thats happened to.just take a guess who. sister of course. family doesnt like me. only a select few who can tolerate me. just TOLERATE. i go to church and i listen to the sermons. you know hard it is to go though? my mom wont let me. so i go when i can. i seek all the help i can get. thanks to you for even helping. if you knew me in person, you probably woulnt even speak to me. i'v hurt a lot of people for sake of protection.[/color]

[size=1][COLOR=darkblue]does any one here feel like they have nobody that cares?teachers that harm you, siblings who've literally tried to kill you[parents too!]?have any of you ever held a loaded gun in your hands, pondering why you've chosen to live for so long? [/COLOR] [COLOR=indigo]thats how my life is. i've had teachers whoe cussed at me and thrown me agaisnt things, sister who threw knives and glass at me, parents who have tried to suffocate me before i put them to the test, and to top it all off, i had a loaded handgun in my room and sharp knives in my closet.suicide was never an option, and i am scared for my life. i've had counseling,and i've put everyone to the test and toned them down 600 knotches, and the worst now, sister and school and grandmoter who blames me for everything.[/COLOR] [COLOR=purple]im wondering, who else out there has been through what i have, so i don't feel alone anymore?[/COLOR] [/size]

[color=red]i also have dreams that last like that. the longest i've dreamed is 5000 yrs. its vauge in my memory bank though. i dream many things..gods, demons, in which i always am.i usually dream the same place too. when you talk about controlling your own dreams, that gets boring after a while. i like controlling my friends. i make her wake up screaming bloody murder:)[/color]

i have a 10 year old sister who never gets in trouble for the things she does. she'll throw all sorts of extreemly sharp objects at me. i'm not joking either. matter of fact, i get in trouble for what she does.[i feel like ellester41.my sis does everything except the swearing, and fighing back.]shoot, i thought a 13 year old with a ten year old sibling was the one suposed to do the bossin' around:p i've tried getting her into trouble, but i get blamed. we'll never get along. i swear she's the bigges___ around.

sorry i havent posted anything lately, but my computer had a major crash and wouldn't work for a week because it had to be fixed. here's another one: Sadness drowns my gain, pain is all i can see, i just can't stand the pain, i feel death is the only key. i feel so unloved, ever since all left me, i have been pushed and shoved, and been treated so relentlessly. advancment of pain, i tried to turn away, as surely as the rain. so all i'm allowed to do is stay. i hope that one day, i can escape all fright, loningly i await, until i can finally see the light. well, how was that one? i'm starting to ryme a little more, but i do all kinds.[well, whatever i know about anyway!] hmmmm...., i don't seem to get many replys do i?

thanks for the reply! i kinda just started poetry like 6-7 monthes ago. heres another one i kinda made up too. The Girl In The Forbidding World There used to be a girl, A girl in which i knew, Who longed to be a bird, For all the troubles she went through. She felt that she was hated, Everything but loved, She thought there was no one for her, In this forbidding world. For they all just laughed, And scorned her with their words, So she wished to be the bird, The bird that could fly alone. One day it was sad, As she walked lone and sad, She raised her new wings and flew, Right above the beeches sand. I watch the angel now, As she flies alone, And hope that someday she finds her place, In this forbiddeng world. people always ask if this is how i feel, its not always. sometimes i translate what others feel. i take it from the heart. i know, i probably sound pathetic. :p i always do^-^

when i was little....... well it hard to remember but i was so tatally into the video games that were out. my dad sells computers and video games and he always let me "test" them^-^*sigh* now thats over. those were the good ol days. i also love stuffed animals. i had barbies too, but i didn't play with them often. when i did, i imitated old shows and movies. legoes and cars were my next favs. i loved building things and crashing the cars into them. i was a destructave little runt back then^-^

[COLOR=blue]well i'm new here, but i hope i get some replies on this![/COLOR] [COLOR=crimson]as minutes turn to hours, as hours turn to days, i look upon the flowers, so close to the roaring blaze. i wonder if they will fall, if they'll burn alongside, i watch them as they stand tall, heat they seem not to abide. as minutes still turn to hours, and hours still turn to days, i still look upon those flowers, still so close to the roaring blaze.[/COLOR] [COLOR=seagreen]well , how was it? it sounded to me pretty crappy[/COLOR] pm me if you want to be my bud![hint: i'm not a good conversation starter'] :cross:

think about this inuyasha fandom, you have to make your own choices in life. no one can choose them for you. stand up for what you think. read what eveyone here is trying to tell you... you must make the choice yourself on what to do. all us here seem to be trying to help you, but you choose if you want to listen. there are a lot of people who are just like you. if you read the posts here, you'll find that out. life does have it ups and its downs, you have good times, and bad ones. no one ever said life was easy. [well maybe a few, but their nuts!!] listen to what your heart says, not your mind. in your heart you know you must live on. you will be afraid but you must get over that fear. one of the greates thing youll learn is that you are loved by many, cared for more than you believe so. that is one of my other reasons for living on. please make the choice to listen and comprehend what others are tring to teach you.

no ones life is meaningless. you know how many times people think about themselves as meaningless? i've don it plenty. i've only found pain too. i've been tortured and beaten till i thought the only thing left was pain. your not the only bad person, who chases away bad memories. look around you. there are more people like you than you realize. stand up, face the music,take the stance. your greatest gain, is getting over all youve suffered. the soul is dyed the color of its thoughts;think of what can bear the full light;the content of your caracter is your choice. what keeps me going, is i that i know that i can survive even through all the bad times. i choose to live because i know at least one person cares deeply enough for me.

you really should't kill yourself. i'm not agreeing or disagreeing with any one, but to disregard your life and throw everything away is the easy way out. live your life to the fullest, live the harder way. trust me though, i know exactly how you feel. i've been in quite similar situations, but i was always brave and took the harder ways. i don't really have anything to live for, but i still go for it. the only thing i may live for, is to see others be happy, and for the sake of my family. i don't have but one friend but i still live on. you should too. you only have one life and one chance to do all you want to do. you also seem to have enough trials that will only make you stronger if you are brave enough to live through them. LIVE ON!!!!!!!