Balmon

[COLOR=RoyalBlue]Liaran Ikor could barely contain his excitement. ?I could kiss the person who filled out the paperwork for this baby?? he said to no one in particular. Engineers had been pouring in and out of the Armaments Engineering Bay of Starbase 959 all day, and most had been kind enough to ignore Ikor as he inspected the new toy. He had spent the last 14 hours poring over every inch of the Advanced Weapons Pod ? a gigantic monstrosity of artful design, sleek metallic sheen, and sheer destructive power - destined for the Brightstar. Even the thought of roasted Gwork with a side of Keklash couldn?t draw him away from the bright, shiny gleen coming off of a quantum torpedo unit. However, despite his fascination, he constantly had this nagging feeling that there was someplace he was supposed to be just then? he remembered someone coming over the comm. Badge a few hours ago? something about a meeting? not wanting to be disturbed any further, he removed the badge and had placed it somewhere in the bay. It had only been a month since his leave of duty from the Bellerophon, an assignment that left many memories: some good, some not so good at all. He had been issued an order to make his way to Starbase 959, where a vacation awaited him, but once he got there, he saw that he had serious work to do: the majority of the security personnel there barely understood the basic mechanics of the weapons they were using, let alone how to use them efficiently (or accurately), and the most simple of scans on the weapons systems revealed a dozen or so problems linked to half of the aft phasers and two-thirds of the starboard shields projectors? this was one station badly in need of his help. However, after a month of his ?vacation?, he was issued another order, this time from his acquaintance, Admiral Locke, from Starfleet HQ. Apparently there was a new ship, the U.S.S. Brightstar, in need of a Chief of Security/Tactical. Despite the innumerable officers and Lieutenant Commanders with years of experience above his, all available for (and dying for) transfers to a new Insignia class ship such as this, Locke almost insisted that Ikor be given the position. Frankly, given his pull in the ranks of Starfleet, Locke?s ?recommendation? was more of an order. Also not one to question too many orders, Ikor began re-packing his belongings and meticulously reviewing the available personnel files for the crew currently aboard the Brightstar, as well as all the technical specs sheets. It was in one of the files on the technical bits that he found the issued order for the Advanced Weapons Pod. He had been viewing the files on his screen as his latest romantic entanglement, Sarah McInnis, sat on his lap and fed him his dinner, when the image of the A.W.P. appeared. Her head barely missed the corner of a desk as he suddenly burst out of his chair, practically launching her to the floor, and ran to the door of their quarters. He paused momentarily at the door, looked back at Sarah and saw her sprawled ass-backwards on the floor, and was suddenly caught in a moment of indecision: help her up, or rush to the magnificent piece of design waiting?. Referring to his tactical training, he decided on the following: For fear of future retribution from this suddenly hostile creature, he called for an immediate ceasefire and helped her up. He gave her a quick peck on the cheek, and pulled back slightly from her face so that she had ample room to slap him. As he ran towards the nearest turbo lift, he made sure to only nurse the red welt when there wasn?t anyone nearby. Many hours later, as he touched his hand to the red cheek, it all suddenly raced back into his mind. ?SHIT. A meeting? something important? of the Senior Officers? ahhhh crap!? He pulled his head out of a phaser unit, smashing his head on the top side in the process, and made a mad dash for the bay doors. With any luck, the Captain? what was his name? Andrus! With any luck, that Cap? Andrus hadn?t filed an official request for a court martial yet?[/COLOR]

Hey all, I apologize for my lateness - between performing Student Council duties for my school, moving into a new apartment, and working, I haven't had much time to even write my intro post. I'm in the process of doing that right now, and it should be up before the night's end. Just a quick request - unless it's ABSOLUTELY necessary, could we hold off on the OOC comments? I used to use those liberally, but since they've introduced the Underground, I've found that this is the place to make ANY comments on anything you've posted. Just a request... any thoughts? Phil

I don't care about the Gmail account so much as answering questions about music: "I'm an A-hole"

My apologies. I think I often DO come off sounding too sarcastic and slightly mean - I didn't mean to make you feel bad or anything... I'm just here to help if you want it! Cheers Phil

Frankly, if you've given The Arena a glance or two, you'd have noticed that there are about a hundred .hack RPGs in progress. Also, if you've been following any of the other discussions in the underground, you'll have read comments from people on OB regarding relatively unsuccessful RPGs. Things such as your paragraph-long story, which is not only tiresome on the eyes but for the mind as well, fail to create a world in a which your participants would inhabit. While I believe (I don't know anything about this .hack business, but I assume it is all based on an anime show or manga) many people assume there is plenty of backstory to this .hack thing, just throwing down a paragraph and hoping for the best is perhaps not the best way to go about it. I would check out some of the other discussion in The Arena Undeground, especially ones where the moderators have given their input on the matter, and give your RPG some thought. Cheers, Phil

Misenki, First of all, why are you posting a million threads regarding these two RPGs? I think keeping this discussion in your original thread would probably be best. Secondly, telling people that you are unwilling to look to others' RPGs for help is a sign of an immature writer. Learning through example is one of the best ways of learning - try sucking in that urge to just ignore such a comment, and give it a shot! On that note - go read [URL=http://otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=40801]Hero[/URL]. While Shy obviously goes into a LOT of depth regarding this RPG, it is an example of a particularly high calibre sign-up thread. It is also an RPG that distinguishes itself from other RPGs, which is sometimes necessary in The Arena. I would suggest just basically going through The Adventure Inn yourself and seeing what's out there. I think with a little bit of searching you will be able to see what needs work in your ideas... Phil

If you really would like to, then I'll post something probably tomorrow. At this time, I am somewhat otherwise occupied. However, what I will say is, your story in Metallicon is summed up in one paragraph. At first glance, it bores the senses (I don't mean that sarcastically), and just looks like a lot of sentences jumbled together. Your sign-up looks very much like any other sign-up, and when that accompanies a story, it leaves WAY TOO MUCH to the imagination; you have a general lack of interest. I hope that sorta' makes sense. I'll be happy to help you out further if you want. Though, before you decide that, you should probably check on MY posts to see if you even want my opinion. Cheers, Phil

How honest an opinion would you like? I'm in a bit of a rush right now, but I'd like to start off the replies in this thread by mentioning what is perhaps the most obvious problem. Your title states: The Dark Tournament (I couldn't think of anything else...) If your TITLE already announces shortcomings, why will people go ANY further into exploring your RPG? Also, what you've written isn't actually an RPG... at least not really an RPG as per the standards of OB. It's more of a battle thread, with vague references to a story line. If you don't want bios from people, what kind of RPG is this? You've basically told people to choose a sex, choose a name, choose one or two weapons, and start fighting. I would suggest that you read the Stickies posted in The Arena forum, and try to incorporate more story elements into this RPG Good luck! Phil

I do agree with Siren - and I've already told him as much through our PMs - that it really is just for fun anyway. And of course it's not in my jurisdiction, but what's the harm in promoting a discussion, Wingnut? Phil _________________________

I totally agree with both of you guys. I tossed out the idea just to hear some thoughts on it, but I knew from the outset that it was logistically unsound idea.

Perhaps Defender of the Boards was a little overboard... sorry. I didn't mean to imply that they should be punished - really, how could you punish someone short of banning (and that's not what I'm implying at all). The only solution I could think of, albeit a simplistic one, was to make the Arena Underground a forum for allowing RPGs into the Adventure Inn. If a moderator deems their thread below-standards for the Inn, they can go and work on it, and return with another proposal. That's all. And I agree regarding your last statement. Of course I do. If I don't expect it of myself (i.e. Crime and Punishment), how can I expect others younger than myself... let alone older? Thanks for your input. Cheers, Phil

Whoa whoa, Siren. Ease up. I admitted a while ago to my stinker of a posting - and others before it. I'm not claiming to be a genius. The paragraph you so intelligently quoted, for example, doesn't exclude me... but for some reason, you chose to assume as much. So before you feel the need to act as the Defender of the OtakuBoards, give it a little more thought, eh?

Classical pianist in the Toronto area. I can basically sight-read anything, but don't ask me to jam with you by ear. That's asking for trouble. Phil

Perhaps I should reply to a couple of those, because I don't want anyone misinterpreting what I said in the very first post. [QUOTE=(Someone three posts back)]What I completely disagree on is that quality in the Arena is falling. I don't need to go there, because "there" seems to have been filled in, up and outwards by terra, Arcadia, Shinmaru, DW and James.What I completely disagree on is that quality in the Arena is falling. I don't need to go there, because "there" seems to have been filled in, up and outwards by terra, Arcadia, Shinmaru, DW and James.[/QUOTE] I did not mean to imply that the general quality of the arena is failing... quite the opposite. My only point of contention was that there were STILL an inordinate amount of poorly contrived and executed stories, chock full of enough grammar, spelling, syntax, and punctuation errors to embarass a preschool student. As I said during the discussion with James, I totally agreed that the general level of the Square is rising - LIKE with Kill Adam 2 (that's one example that won't go away :)). Also, regarding the other poster a couple of posts back who was making a point regarding newer members and their posts in the Adventure Inn: While many of the lower-quality posts do come first from newer members, a fair share problems still arise from current members. There are plenty of new members who come to OB with a lot of experience in writing, and RPG writing. So I think just blaming new members is an unfair statement to make. Phil

[quote name='Drizzt][COLOR=DarkSlateGray'] I'm in any band I can get my hands on, Marching, Jazz, Concert, County, etc. . . I play the Trumpet and damn good at it ^_^ [/COLOR][/quote] Whoa, whoa. We're very strict about modest people here, Drizzt. Could you really just tell us how good you are? No need to downplay it... ;) There seems to be a lot of you who are about to pee your pants with excitement at the thought of getting a driver's license. It's not that amazing. Just find another friend who has a car and a license, and let them drive you around everywhere - a much more efficient mode of travel! There seem to be so many people introducing themselves who I've never even seen before on OB. So, to make anudda' request: Please mention where we would most likely find you on OB (i.e. Adventure Arena, Art Studio, Anime Lounge, etc., etc.) in addition to the rest of your details. Thanks all! Phil