Ah! Here it is ladies and Gents. My newest story from my Dude Productions. It's the best dang remake of Robin Hood out there. It's called Robin in the Hood. Wanted by plenty, getting from me. Here it is...
Robin in the Hood
Dedicated to GA and Stormwing
Long ago, before cars were invented and the ghetto wasn?t all that great, there was a Kingdom. The Kingdom had a king known as King Richard. One day, after the Ghetto Bard Players finished their rap for the royal family, King Richard said, ?Yo yo my homies and homiettes! I gotta take a trip to the south ghetto to check out the babes- I mean, taxes and I?ll be back in a few months. Check ya later!? He left just like that and had left the towns peeps speechless. That ended about 5 minutes later when everyone was back to normal.
Now here comes the kooky part! King Richard left Prince Long-Johns in charge of everyone. He had an assistant known as the Sheriff of Rottingham. They stood before everyone and announced something new to them. ?My people?? Prince Long-Johns began before being pummeled down with vegetables, condiments and various breeds of cats. He got up and yelled, ?Stop it! This is insane.?
A man stood up over the crowd and bellowed, ?he?s a witch!?
Suddenly the crowd grew loud with the words, ?Burn him!?
Prince Long-Johns was in what we like to call ?A dark corner of the ghetto?. He reasoned with the public, ?I assure you I?m not a witch.?
The same man that bellowed before stood up on the stage with the Prince. ?That?s just like a witch to say that he?s not a witch.?
?Well,? the prince continued, ?What am I suppose to say??
?If you say you?re a witch, your not. If you say your not a witch, you are one.?
The prince nodded and then said, ?Okay. I?m a witch.? He was pummeled to the ground again with vegetables, condiments, and various breeds of feline. He got up slowly, shielding himself with a sign. ?What did I say? You told me saying I?m a witch means-?
?Means you?re a witch! Burn him!? The crowd finished the prince?s sentence for him.
The Prince shook his head, ?This is crazy. You have it all wrong. Not only that I?m not a witch-?
?Burn..? a person said from the crowd.
?Umm.. right.? The prince continued. ?Not only that I?m not a witch-?
?Burn?? The same man interrupted.
?Shut up down there!? The prince scolded. He cleared his throat and continued, ?Not only that I?m not a witch-? He paused. Nothing. He wiped his forehead with relief and was about to talk when he was interrupted with a sudden ?Burn!?
That man was slain.
?Anyways, as I was saying, Not only that I?m not a witch but the fact is a witch is a girl sorcerer. I would be a warlock cause boys are warlocks.?
The crowd looked at each other then to the prince and hollered, ?Witch! Witch!?
The prince shook his head once more. ?No no! I am a warlock!?
A sudden shout of ?Warlock!? was heard and followed by prodding of vegetables, condiments, and various breeds of kitties.
The prince got up, with an angry face on his?. face. He shouted at the towns people, ?This is unsanitary! This orange cat peed on me!? The crowd broke into a laugh. ?Stop laughing at me!? They laughed more. ?Stop it!? The prince felt tears in his eyes. The laughter grew bigger and louder. The prince stomped his foot on the floor.
?That?s it. All the taxes are raised very high! Good day!? The prince left the podium, stomping off madly. And that?s how the prince became evil and the taxes were raised very high. And that?s also how people came to know that orange cats pee the most.
Later on, in Shag-good Forest?
2 dudes sat perched on a log as their Fiery Men jumped all over the place. Dude 2 sat up, ?Man, dude, I feel like were surrounded by gays!? Dude 1 nodded.
?I agree. I think we are.? They looked all around and people were slapping one another with wet towels and discussing how their butts are so round and sexy. The two dudes shuddered. ?Well, at least Jerry isn?t gay. Hey Little Jerry, get your ghetto-*** over here!? Little Jerry which was actually the same size as everyone else, brought his ghetto-*** over to the 2 dudes.
?Yeah guys?? Jerry said, lugging his ghetto-***.
?Were outta here so you comin??? Jerry nodded and they were off to the village of Rottingham. As they got closer, Dude 2 sniffed the air and jumped, ?You can smell that nasty ham in the market place already.? They plugged their noses and continued in.
They bumped into a guy dressed in priest clothing. He spoke as he helped up the 3 dudes? well, Jerry doesn?t count as a dude. He?s too ?uncool?. ?I?m so sorry. I?m in a hurry. The name?s Friar Tuck (can?t make fun of his name cause he?s a religious guy).? The 2 dudes and Jerry exchanged introductions and they left Friar Tuck standing alone. ?What a nice bunch of dudes. Wait, that Jerry guy isn?t much of a dude, though. He?s too ?uncool?.? Friar Tuck shrugged and walked off onto his business.
The 2 dudes and Jerry found an old man sitting on a barrel. He was holding a book. He spoke to them , ?This be the book of Robin Hood. In this book here lies the tale of him and the happenings in this book are the same ones here.?
?Can we have the book?? Dude 2 asked.
?No.?
Dude 1 became frustrated. ?C?mon. Yes.?
?No.?
?Yes.?
?No.?
?Yes.?
?No.?
?No.?
?Yes.?
?Ah ha! Got ya!? Dude 2 shouted as the dudes retrieved victory.
They tried to pry open the old man?s hands for the book but he was too strong, even for a dude! Then Dude 2 got an idea. He looked around, saw a bunch of towns people, and shouted, ?A witch!? Suddenly, every ran at the old man and swiped him off his barrel, taking him to the official witch burning machine thingy. Dude 2 picked up the book off the dusty ground.
?Boo yah!?
Later on, after reading the book?
?Dude, Robin rocked.? Dude 1 said closing the hard-cover book. Dude 2 nodded. Jerry fell asleep and his snoring was too loud so the 2 dudes shoved the book up his nose.
Dude 2 suddenly got an idea, ?Dude. That old guy that was burned by the towns people earlier today, said that the happenings in this book are the same ones here. Except, a little different. Prince John = Prince Long-Johns.? Dude 1 nodded as he started to get the idea. ?Get the idea??
Dude 1 nodded and said, ?I see, so what your saying is we train monkeys to bite people and give them rabies so we can own the world??
Dude 2 shook his head, ?Save that for next time. For now, we?ll become robin hoods.?
?Sweet!? And so, leaving Jerry sleeping in a pile of manure and grinning as they left him there, they became robin hoods.
?Steal from the rich and give to ourselves!? Robin 1 said.
Robin 2 shook his head, his hat swaying with every move, ?No no. It?s steal from the poor and give to the rich.?
?Natta. It must be Steal from ourselves and give to the farm animals.?
?No. Steal from the rich and give to the fat, orange felines that pee too much.? They both agreed on that one. Every night, someone would come home and find money near their fat cat, unless the fat cat hate the money. And prince Long-Johns found his money disappearing.
A guard walked into the prince?s chambers as he slept. ?Sir.? The guard said, startling the prince. Long-johns wasn?t quite awake yet and he turned to a lamp and said:
?What is it??
The guard looked curiously at the prince, ?Umm.. sir, I?m over here.?
The prince got up and wandered over to a moose head on the wall. he patted it?s furry cranium and said, ?I know where you are, you silly goose.?
The guard shook his head, ?Whatever. Sir, the Sheriff of Rottingham is here.? The fat disco maniac, The Sheriff of Rottingham, came into the room, clearly tossing the guard out the window by just nudging him with his fat rolls.
Even though the prince was almost asleep again, nobody can miss seeing the Sheriff. ?Ah. Sheriff, just the person I want to see. I have some new fat jokes to say. Ahem! Your so fat, you play pool with the planets. Hahaha!?
The sheriff grunted.
?Okay okay! here?s a better one. Your so fat, you fell in the grand canyon and got stuck! HAHAHAHA!?
The sheriff stormed, ?Enough sire! I have important news.?
?Hahaha! No no no! I?m not through with you yet! Your so fat.. hahaha? that.. hahhaa?? The prince fell on his back laughing to far content.
?Okay sir. I see. Now, the only reason your money is-? He was interrupted by a huge chuckle.
The Prince got up. ?I?m sorry. Continue. giggle..?
The sheriff cleared his throat. ?The only reason your losing money is because of these 2 dudes. They call themselves, the Robins in the Hood.? He showed the prince a picture.
?Robins, huh. Well, I have a plan. I shall do an archery contest and we will be able to pin point who the robins are by their winning.?
?Umm? sir.? The sheriff croaked, ?The archery contest has been done.? The prince shook his head.
?****. Yes. That?s right. ****.?
?Uh.. sir, what about a dance contest??
?It?s brilliant, it?s marvelous, it bites monkeys! We?ll do it!?
