Will2x

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Transtic Nerve [/i] [B] I never was Bi... yes I said I was but I wasn't comfortable coming out to [i]some[/i] people.... who i knew would critisize me..... at the time..... now I'm more free with it... just like years ago I used to deny being gay.... if people were just accepting of facts I, and many others, wouldn't be so affraid to reveal the truth... just so you know how much stress it puts on us..... it took me 18 years to tell someone.... the stress is unbelievable... Yes, James today decided to censor a few more words and uncensor "damn" so enjoy yourself BG [/B][/QUOTE] so that whole "bi" incident was a put on, and haruka was just for a flash card for us to belive you? wow you was actually afraid of critism? i guess its a good thing you crawled on out the closet.

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Transtic Nerve [/i] [B] HAHAHA!, sorry, It's not my fault :p Believe me though, if I weren't gay I'd find you EXTREMELY attractive personality wise... [/B][/QUOTE] eh i thought u were bi...? you dont still go with both sexis?

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by BabyGirl [/i] [B] [color=deeppink]Hahaha I cracked up at that last part :D And [i]yes[/i] Transtic, you're very hot :smirk:. But d@mn you! going and liking the males and all...hehehe...Yes yes, just like you said, I believe my friend said the other day "Why are all hot guys gay?" (d@mn you again, Transtic :p )[/color] [/B][/QUOTE] well im hot and im not curly! ~~~ you say his pic...*antious* what topic? i gotta see it!!!!

Ok im about to ask this really hot girl out, shes a cheerleader and shes always with her friends, she'll be alone to talk on her cell phone after school as she always does. the bell is gonna ring in 5 minutes* lets see, i got all my name brand clothes on... my teeth are clean as perls and my breath is minty fresh i spent 3 hours perfecting my hair and skipped football practice so im still sharp rumours say shes still single i put water droplets in my eye so there not read. my cleanist shoes are own. i got clean underwhere on too... my colone is said to be the bomb, not to strong, not to light, girls love it. my fingure nails are clean... id better stuff my pants jus incase *stuffs* ok, now what else? id better clear out my throat and practice my perfect smile *ring* shoot, its time to go... ~outside~ : Hey *smile* her: uhh do i know you? : yeah im in your science class, rember the one who made a mess at the chemistry lab.. her: oh that was you? :yeah, so i was wondering *stares directly in her eyes* her: what? : nothing, jus noticing how beutiful you look. her: uhh thanx i guess.... : well i wanted to ask you *increases* *better tone of voice* would you like to go out with me friday? her: well umm...(thinking: whats that in his noes?) : (thinking: shoot shes staring in my nosetrals, i forgot to clean them!!) *quickly rubs nose* her: maby, ill think about it.. : really? *trying not to sound too excited* her: yeah... : *gets closer for a attempt to kiss* her: *smells colone and lightly doges* : *pulls off kiss* ok then...*sweats* c ya! (thinking: i hope i didnt over due it) thats how its spose to be done!

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Master O Beans [/i] [B] HAHA! you say some thins most wouldn't dare :) but you have some good points :laugh: Hehe, I know where you're coming from! :D [/B][/QUOTE] well it had to be said, i hope i put into an understandable way...

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Master O Beans [/i] [B] Aww, the boy has a dream :rolleyes: heh, but it's full of LIES! LIES! ALL OF 'EM! LIES! No, no, I'm merely joking, he has a point, but that doesn't come into play for a long while...the whole "looks don't count" ...becuase even I pay attention at looks...and perhaps I should follow the golden rule "beggers can't be choosers" Heh, oh well...I'm happy by myself at the present...(heh, that's a lie :( ) :D [/B][/QUOTE] beggers cant be choosers is right, i was once with one of the prettiest most perfect girls in the world, she was hot, she was popular, she had a accent, she was rich, and she was irrisitably sweet. but we had hardly anything in common and we started to find things we didnt like about each other even though we didnt dare tell them to each other. so they sucked... there isnt such thing as a girl out there is intrested in more than 70% of the things im into so... heck there isnt a guy intrested in 55% of my intrest! but if there was a chick like that im sure wed talk for not hours, days, and after that wed be so in love with each other... the first thing i do when im looking for a girl is look at her face, theres 5 butt ugly broke down nasty face...thats instantly marked off. then theres bad, if her body attributes are good then there still is a chance, there medium, as long as there not annoying then thats good. then there cute where is id like to stare at there pretty face all day, and last HOTT damn i want that! then ill scan there breast if theres like no boobs at all then that brings here down pretty much if she isnt cute. normal size always exceptable. big man sooo juicy. then i notice her butt, small i forget about it unless all the above are good, medium, accpetable, big :eek: *drools* the last thing ill see is the main corse, ill look to see if theres like any huge scars on her body... not that scars ruin it or anything, i myself have a few scars jus not too noticebal, as a scar stright down the crack of her....cheeks.

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Transtic Nerve [/i] [B] Why do women love guys who beat them with lead pipes? Why do guys love women who look beutiful but strip and prostitute themselves? Why is it everytime I watch some talk show women are always saying "Wah Wah Wah, he beats me make him stop... but I don't want to leave him cause I love him"... Why does some old fart like Hugh Hefner have 6 girlfriends? They aren't old... your logic doesn't stand.... There are too many exceptions.... one, and probably the most prominant being money... Sorry, money doesn't buy you love... you just sulk in it thinking you have love.... all you have is a money grubbing mate who cares not for you but for the green in your wallet. True love is more than looks.... you'll realize that soon... You don't know love.... love has nothing to do with looks.... love is a feeling not a physical feature. [/B][/QUOTE] i feel love every once in awile, and no it isnt jus my penis getting happy its like the feeling being around my people on a family reunion and stuff... and as for the talk shows the guy with 6 girl the girls arent that so good lookin either, jus buck tooth hill billys. i guess the love thing is very important....how else does a pimp get his hoes, they love him and so they work for him. i dont know about anyone else, but if im getting married to someone, i mean like spend the rest of my life with em,and look at the same face everyday, ill want her to be pretty. being pretty really gets you far in life. as a lil boy in pre k every boy wanted to marry to prettiest girl in class. one girl who was nice said "anyone wanna marry me?" and a boy said "no way your not as pretty as melony" so the girl cried. i couldnt, and wouldnt never ever date a deformed person, even if they was the richest person on the earth, its just so gross..

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Jeff [/i] [B] but wont it be better if he has great looks and great personality? that's why it's so hard to find your true love. believe me i tried. if i can't even think myself touching her before i gross out, i can't be happy. [/B][/QUOTE] yeah i mean wheres love in a deformed figure of 300 pounds and crooked teeth? id rather be kissed a ghost than a chic with a lip in her nose and tongue in her chin... im sure if any sane girl saw someone like that the last thing theyd do is try to get close with them, especially in high school. that just aint happening. if your retarded, then your girl gotta be retarded too. if your a crack head then your girl gotta be a crack head too. if your a saint then your man gotta be a saint too. for example man: hey girl...where you goin? woman: church, then im going to donate food to the hungry children. how about you? man: im gonna toke on this bong then go sell some pot to some pot heads... you can see that relationship is gonna be REAL fine in the long run.

u dont need pick up lines if your semi-hot and you ask a ugly desperate girl out, shell melt jus like chocolike if you do, trust me if your a guy indeed of a girl, any your pretty good lookin then try this, no sweat at all, no lack of confidence like youd get if u went up to a hot girl like britney spears or beyonce' youll feel tottaly calm, cause if they say no its not like ull care, there ugly and you have a 80% chance of getting with them. ugly/desperation they mix well. but if u have to use any thing at all, tell em there pretty thatll get em wrapped.

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Transtic Nerve [/i] [B]Since I know nothing of asking a GIRL out, I dunno :p [/B][/QUOTE] i know its none of my business but out of curiosity how many guys have you asked out anyway?

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Jeff [/i] [B]if we found them attractive and get us our attention, then we go out and ask them out..hoping to get laid. if that girl is fat and ugly..but you liked her/him personality, would you still f*ck 'em? sorry to say this..but "i'm looking for personality" is bull. that's just one of line saying, "i want to get laid." [/B][/QUOTE] jeff, now you my friend are in touch with reality. youve earned a spot on my cool list. :)

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Krillin6913 [/i] [B]ok theres this really hott girl at my school and i wanna ask her out, but im a really shy guy around girls, and advice? [/B][/QUOTE] well if your *** ugly then dont even bother...save yourself the embarrasment unless youve known her for a really long time and have earned the title, someone she can lean on. if your hot as hell ...so to say then by all means getcha mac on and youll be irrisitable to her, anywhere in between then smile always look her straight in the eye, use a nice voice but nothing to unnormal and if she thinks your worth it then you got her. i hope that helps you out.

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by ~Mystical Pan~ [/i] [B] NO! perv! :D lol well..when I gewt drunk..who knows? lol j/k AH MAN! now peeps are going to think i'm a slut! lol I'M A VIRGIN PEOPLE OK! See what you did Will? lol [/B][/QUOTE] GASP! this is a shocker!

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by ~Mystical Pan~ [/i] [B] AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH THAT'S SICK! BUT D*MN..IT'S FUNNY! :laugh: lol [/B][/QUOTE] i bet youve had 1000's of thoose haventcha. jk jk jk

The Little Fire Engine A little boy, wearing a big red fire hat, was riding a toy fire truck down the street. The truck was being pulled by a beautiful Labrador Retriever. Unfortunately, the rope was tied around the dog's privates, and as a consequence, the truck was going very slowly. A man walking down the street noticed how slowly the boy was being pulled and gently said to him, ''You know, son, that truck would go a lot faster if the rope was tied around your dog's neck.'' The boy nodded in agreement and said, ''But then there wouldn't be a siren.'' Uncle Tommy's Closet A guy comes home early one day from work. And he hears weird sounds coming from his bedroom. When he gets to his room, he finds his wife naked on the bed sweating bullets. ''What the hell is going on?'' he says. ''I'm having a heart attack!!'' So he runs down stairs, and picks up the phone to dial 911. But as he is doing this, his four-year-old son, comes running up to him and says, ''Dad, Uncle Tommy is up stairs, hiding in your closet, and he's naked'' So he slams the phone down, and runs upstairs, to find his own brother, in the closet. The man, then says. ''What the hell are you doin? My wife is having a heart attack, and your here running around naked, scaring the kids? You shoud be ashamed of yourself!" Urinate Mrs. Flebs, a teacher, was standing in front of her class. It was the beginning of the new school year. Mrs. Flebs said, ?Okay class, we're going to go around the room and have everybody say a sentence. We'll start with Sarah.? Sarah said, ?Cows have spots. Terrence said, ''Baseball is a sport.? Carla said, ?Computers are electronic.? Bobby said, ?Urinate.? Mrs. Flebs said, ?Bobby, urinate is a word, not a sentence.? Bobby said, ?Not ?urinate?, it's you're an eight. And if you had bigger tits you'd be a ten.? West Virginia Custody Battle The scene was a tiny mountain village in a remote section of West Virginia. An old mountaineer and his young wife were getting a divorce in the local court, but custody of the children was a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. The old mountaineer also wanted custody of the children. The judge asked for his side of the story and, after a long moment of silence, the mountaineer slowly rose from his chair and said, "Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?" thats all for today unless you can get 10 peeps to say WE WANT MORE!

the long ones sometimes turn out to be the funniest........ Taste Test A teacher was having a tasting day where she would put candy in the kids' mouth and they would guess what it was. She went to the first little boy and put a Hershey's Kiss in his mouth. "Can you guess what it is?" "I don't know," said the boy. "I'll give you a hint. It's something your daddy asks your mommy for every morning." The girl next to the boy says "Don't eat it. It's a piece of ***." Teaching A Buncha Hooligans A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?" "I just saw one of your garters!" "Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!" The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?" "I just saw both of your garters!" Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!" Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom. "Where do you think you're going?" she asks. "From what I just saw, my school days are over!" The Career Ambitions of Babies There were three babies in a woman's womb, and they were discussing what they would like to be when they were out in the world and grown up. The first one said "I wanna be a plumber." The others laughed at this, and asked why he wanted be be a plumber. He replied, "So I can fix the pipes in here, it's kinda leaky." The second one said "I wanna be an electrician." The others thought this was kind of silly too and asked why. The second baby answered, "so I can get some lights in here, its dark!" The third one said, "I wanna be a boxer." The others thought this was hilarious, and laughed for a full five minutes, before asking, "Why in God's name do you want to be a boxer?" He replied, "So," he said proudly, "I can beat the hell out of that bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us.

[b]second grader would laugh at[/b] Sex Relatively Speaking "Dad," asked son, "What's that shriveled up old thing on Grandma?" Dad replied ''That's Grandpa!" Smartass Record Shop A lady walks into the local record store. "Do you have Jingle Bells on the old 12 inch?" she asks. "No, but I've got dangling balls and a 7-inch," says the smartass behind the counter. The lady thinks for a second. "Is that a record?" "I think so. I'm only 14." Stone Surprise One day there were two boys playing by a stream when they saw a woman bathing naked. All of a sudden one of the boys took off running. The other boy took off after his friend. After he caught up to him, he asked why he ran away. "Well," the boy said, "my mom told me that if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard so I ran."

Playing Doctor A little boy and girl were playing doctor. The little boy boldly pulled off his shirt and pointed to his nipples. "I've got two of these," he said. "How about you?" The little girl opened her blouse and showed him her nipples. So the boy pointed to his belly button. The little girl looked down showed him her belly button. So the little boy dropped his drawers and pointed to his penis. The little girl raised her skirt and pulled her underwear to the side, but search as she might she couldn't find that particular organ. The little boy taunted her till she ran home to her mommy. She returned 15 minutes later with a big grin on her face. "My mommy told me that when I am 15 years old, I'll have as many of those as I want!" Rectum Johnny's teacher asked the class how their weekends were. "Horrible," said Johnny. "A car hit my cat in the ***!" "Rectum," said the teacher. "Say rectum." "Rectum? Damn near killed 'em!" S & M One day Mom was cleaning Junior's room and in the closet she found a Bondage S&M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his Father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word. So she asked him, "What should we do about this?" Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."

We love Little Johnny dont we? 3 jokes per page :) Mommy Almost Died One day this little girl's dad came home and she runs up to him. "Daddy, the cat died today!" "Well, darling," said the dad. "That's just something that happens." "But why are his arms and legs up in the air?" "Well, darling, that's just something they do." She takes the death fairly well and doesn't mention it until a few days later. When the dad comes home, she runs up to him. "Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today!" "What are you talking about?" "I came downstairs and I heard her screaming 'Oh Jesus, take me, take me!' And she had her ams and legs up in the air and if it hadn't been for the mailman tring to revive her she would have died." Mounted Cop There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the road when a little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him. ''Nice bike,'' the cop said, ''did Santa bring it to you?'' ''Yep,'' the little boy said, ''he sure did!'' The cop looked at the bike and while handing the boy a $20 ticket he said, ''Next year, tell Santa to put a license plate on the back of it.'' To go along with the cop, the little boy said, ''Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?'' ''Yes, He sure did,'' said the cop. The little boy looked up at the cop and said, ''Next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse instead of on top.'' New Lifesavers' Flavor It's the first day of kindergarten, and the teacher decides to do taste association. ''I'll blindfold you and give you a lifesaver, and you tell me what flavor it is,'' she tells the children. So she gives them all a cherry flavor, and says, ''What flavor is that?'' The whole class answers, ''Mmmm, that's cherry.'' ''Very good,'' the teacher replies. So she gives them all a grape and they reply, ''Mmm, that's grape.'' ''Very good,'' she says again. Then she gives them all a honey flavor. The whole class sits perplexed by the strange taste, so the teacher says, ''OK, I'll give you a hint, it's something your parents might call each other.'' Billy spits his out on the floor and yells, ''Spit 'em out everyone, they're ASSHOLES!'' that last one was funny as hell!

Little Johnny Answers the Question Teacher: "Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?" Little Johnny: "None." Teacher: "Listen carefully: Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?" Little Johnny: "None." Teacher: "Can you explain that answer?" Little Johnny: "One is shot, the others fly away. There are none left." Teacher: "Well, that isn't the correct answer, but I like the way you think" Little Johnny: "Teacher, can I ask a question?" Teacher: "Sure." Little Johnny: "There are three women at the ice cream parlor. One is licking, one is biting and one is sucking her ice cream cone. Which one is married?" Teacher: "The one sucking the cone." Little Johnny; "No. The one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you think." Little Johnny's Big Answer It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in the grades and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless because of this. Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question." Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln." Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home." Johnny is MAD that Susie answered the question first. Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King." Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go." Johnny is even madder than before. Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy." Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave." Johnny is BOILING mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions. When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!" The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?!?!" Johnny: "BILL CLINTON. CAN I GO NOW?" Mom's Sponge Little Tommy runs into the bathroom one day to find his mother taking a bath. He points at her bush and asks, "What's that Mommy?" A little embarrassed, she tells him that is is her sponge. Tommy is satisfied with that answer and goes back to playing with his toys. Some time later, Tommy catches his mother in the shower shortly after she has shaved her bush for bikini season. Tommy asks her, "Where is your sponge mommy?" Again embarrassed she tells him that she lost it but will probably find it soon. Tommy is a little worried and promises his mommy that he will help her find it. His mother says okay, and goes back to showering. Soon, Tommy comes running back in and says that he has found his mother's sponge. "What do you mean you found my sponge? Where?" "The lady next door has it and she's washing Daddy's face with it!"

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Lady Saiya-jin [/i] [B]ROTFL........Thank you Will ya made my day baby........LOL!!!:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: [/B][/QUOTE] hehehe, and ill be going on all night to come. more laughs!

It's What's for Dinner A woman goes to the local butcher to buy some meat for dinner. The butcher tells her that he is out of everything except ?dam ham.? The woman buys the ham and goes home to cook it for her family. Her husband comes home from work and asks what she's cooking. ?It's dam ham,? she tells him. The woman, her husband and their son are at the table eating later that evening when the husband says, ?Pass me the dam ham.? The child then says, ?While you're at it, pass me the ****in' potatoes.? Jokes On You, Teacher One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had written the word 'penis' in tiny small letters. She turned around, scanned the class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her class. The next day she went into the room and she saw, in larger letters, the word 'penis' again on the black board. Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, so she proceeded with the day's lesson. Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same word written on the board, and each day it was written in larger letters. Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead, found the words, "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!" Little Big Fart There was this Indian chief who was straining to blow a fart but it wouldn't come out. So he sent his little messenger boy to the doctor and he says, ''Big chief, no fart.'' The doctor gives him a can of beans and tells him to come back tommorrow to tell him what happened. The messenger boy comes back the next day and says, ''Big chief, no fart.'' The doctor gives him 10 cans of beans this time. The messenger boy comes back the next day and says, ''Big chief, no fart.'' The doctor gives him 100 cans of beans. The messenger boy comes back the next day and says, ''Big chief, no fart.'' The doctor gives him 10, 000 cans of beans and says, ''If this doesn't work then nothing will.'' The messenger boy comes back the next day and looks at the doctor. The doctor anxiously asked, ''Well, did it work?'' The messenger boy says, ''Big fart, no chief!"

Feet First One day little Danny was in Sunday School, and the preacher asked what part of the body went to heaven first. Susie said your hear, 'cause you need it to love. Richie said your head, 'cause you need it to think. Little Danny raised his hand and the pastor called on him reluctantly. Danny said, "Your feet." Confused, the pastor asked why. Danny replied, "I was walking past my mom's room last night and she had her feet in the air and then she screamed, ?Oh God, I'm coming!?." Having to Take a Whisper Once there was a liitle boy in church. He had to go to the bathroom so he told his mother, ''Mommy, I have to piss.'' The mother said, ''Son don't say piss in church. Next time you have to piss, say, 'whisper' because it is more polite. The next Sunday, the litle boy was sitting by his father this time, and once again, he had to go to the bathroom. He told his father, ''Daddy I have to whisper.'' The father said, ''OK. Here, whisper in my ear.'' Hide the Duke A boy was meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time for dinner. After dinner, his girlfriend and her mother left the room to do the dishes, leaving him with the father and the dog Duke, who was sitting underneath the boy's chair. Unfortunately, it was a large dinner and he really had to fart. He stealthily let out a quiet, but audible, fart. "Duke!" the dad yelled. "This is great!" the boy thought. "He thinks the dog is farting!" So he let out another one. "Duke!" the father barked. The boy thought he was homefree so he let everything out at once in a eally loud and smelly fart. "Duke! Get out of there before the boy shits on you!"

Children's Books That Didn't Make It 1) You're Different -- And That's Bad 2) The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables 3) Robert: Dad's New Wife 4) Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share 5) The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking 6) Kathy Was So Bad That her Mom Stopped Loving Her 7) Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence 8) All Cats Go to Hell 9) The Little Sissy That Snitched 10) Why Can't Mr. Fork and Mrs. Electrical Outlet be Friends? 11) That's It, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption. 12) Grandpa Gets a Casket 13) 101 Things You Can Do at the Bottom of the Pool 14) The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator 15) Controlling the Playground: Respect Through Fear 16) The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy 17) Strangers Have the Best Candy 18) Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way 19) You Were an Accident 20) Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will 21) Daddy Drinks Because You Cry 22) Your Nightmares Are Real 23) Where Would You Like to be Buried? 24) You've Got Hepatitis B, Charlie Brown 25) Valuable Protein and Other Nutritional Benefits of Things from Your Nose Chores on the Farm A young boy comes down to breakfast one morning. His mother asks, "Have you done your chores yet?" "No," replies the boy, "but could I have breakfast first?" "You know the rules, go outside and clean the chicken coop, milk the cow and feed the pigs." The boy goes down to the chicken coop and lazily cleans it. When he is finished he he kicks a chicken. Next, we walks to the barn and takes out the old milking cow. After milking her thoroughly, he kicks her. Then the boy gets the food and feeds the pigs. Once he is done he kicks a pig. Finally, the boy runs back to his house, very hungry. His mother gives him a plate with nothing on it but an apple. Disappointed, the boy says, "Where's my eggs, my milk and my sausage?" "Well," says his mother, "I saw you kick a chicken, so now you don't get eggs. I saw you kick the cow, so now you don't get milk. I saw you kick the pig, so now you don't get any sausage." Just then, the boy's father walks in and kicks the cat. The boy says to his mother, "Should I tell him now, or do you want to?" Damned if I know A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was. "It's a period,'' said the little boy. "Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?'' ''Damned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself." i hope this isnt too inapropiate

Birdy There was a man sunbathing on a beach naked. A girl came along and pointed to his dingly dangly and asked, "what is that?" He replied, "It's my bird!" She ran away to play in the sand cheerfully. The man fell asleep. zZzZzZz. Later he woke up in hospital with pain around his groin. He did not know what had gone wrong. He thought back maybe the girl might know, so once he was out of the hospital he asked her. She replied, "I played with the bird and it spat at me so I cracked its neck, broke its eggs, and burnt its nest." Cartwheeling for Cash One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, "Mommy, I got five dollars!" The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from. The little girl replied, ''Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree. The mother told her daughter, "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see your panties." ''OOOOhhhh'' said the little girl. The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I got ten dollars. The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?" The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed." The mother replied, "Didn't I tell you that he is...'' Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, ''Wait Mommy. I tricked him, I didn't wear any panties today.''