Nothing

Hrm...unpleasent. Though I am not familliar with Mangekyou Sharingan`s Tsukiyomi, I get the general picture. The only thing I see wrong with this piece, is the description of the operating table from the spikes on. I don't have a clear picture of just what he's doing at that point, painful as it sounds.

Thank you, I really like it, although I already got a banner/avatar from Freude. I apologize, it never occured to me to close this thread. Though, if I do need a new bannar again, this one will be the first on my list. Sorry, and thank you very much.

Ah, big brother. There's not a lot here to go off of, but so far there are only a few sentences that came off akward. The rest is good, as far as understanding what you mean is concerned. I didn't really like the "evil empire" comment, or how desprately tired Patterson was, while the other was just fine. All in all, good work so far.

Ever since I read Slaughter-House Five by Kurt Vonnegut, I've had this nasty little habit of jumping around in time, and then forgetting what tense I'm in. Just recently, I wrote an essay about a wide field that at the time was covered with snow. As the character walked through the field, I described how it looked in the summer, and then stayed in the summer. Another quirk I have that comes up before writing, is pacing while trying to think of a story idea. And like Gabriel, I can't plan for ten seconds in front of my face. But that's okay, since none of my characters really do anything spectacular. They're usually average pathetic people, with no real skill whatsoever. If one just so happens to kill somebody, it's usually by accident. And on one or two occasions, I've ended up hating my character by the end of the story. Er...well, however far I get in a story. I usually leave stories half-finished.

Grim smiled timidly. Everything had happened so fast, he couldn't tell whether the others were really helping him or actually opting for revenge. He guessed it all depended on whether or not the group knew how much Grim told the Crimson Knights. "I'm Grim," he said, sitting up. "Sorry this place's a mess..." Stacks upon stacks of paper lay strewn across the floor and buldged from bookcases. The fax was on, printing out more papers. Xia shook her head and extended her hand to help him up. "It doesn't matter. Are you okay?" Grim nodded, taking her hand and coming to his feet. If nothing else, he was tall. "Er, thank you." He said, sitting down his the bed, suddenly reaware of his injuries. "You didn't bring a first-aid kit with you by any chance?" Xia shook her head. "I forgot to grab one. How bad is it?" She responded. Grim thought for a moment. It didn't seem like he had much choice but to trust that she was indeed there to help him. "It's not too bad. Down the hall on the telephone stand, there's a roll of paper towels, and in the closet to the left of that, there are washcloths and a handmirror. Can you grab those?" He asked. Xia nodded and walked out. While she was gone, Grim went to the fax machine, took the incoming papers, and hid them in a drawer. It was best not to reveal everything just yet.

Grim sat with his back against a large tree, facing a Crimson Knight. Out of sight in the thick foliage, a dozen or more guards waited, just in case Grim didn't cooperate. "It seems as though you've filled your part of the deal. We thank you for helping us locate the illegal player." Said the Knight. Grim nodded solemly, gazing at the artificial ground. "Which means you have to grant me access to the access records." Replied Grim. The knight smirked. "Unfortunately, we can't do that." Grim's head snapped up. "What? We had a deal!" "True." The knight replied. "But I suspect that the illegal character had some help in escaping. There's no way they could have known that that barrier went down when they gated out." Grim froze. They were more clever than Grim had anticipated. "Since the illegal character distorts all video footage, we can't prove that you were involved, however we must take precautions." "But our deal!" Grim shouted. "Yes, we did make a deal. I will grant you the information I deem 'safe' for you to have." The knight said in a final tone. Grim sighed. "Fine. I want to know what time Kia-er-the illegal player initially logged in at. "Classified." "Will you tell me the place?" "No." Grim let out another sigh. He needed that information, but there was no way this knight would give it to him. "In that case, I want the entire Tsukasa file, along with a list of players who were associated with that character." "Done." Answered the knight. Finally, Grim thought, some progress! "I also want the access records of players Orange_Shadow, Loki, and Xia." "Why?" Grim tensed. He didn't want the knight to know that those players were connected with Kia. "Er...I think they might have had a hand in a pk just recently." "...fine." The knight evidentally bought it. "Is that it?" "Information wise, yes. But that's not all I asked for in our deal." "Don't worry, I have four of my best men taking care of [I]that[/I] ." The knight smiled, glad to have successfully negotiated. He reached out to Grim, holding a breastplate. "A token of our gratitude." Grim shook his head, standing up. "No, I don't want any offerings from you." The hidden guards in the trees moved in on que. Apparantly, they weren't going to let him go without taking the armor. Grim tensed, and slowly took the armor. "Equip the armor." Said the knight. Grim did so, and his stats immediately skyrocketed. "Master Shino hoped that this armor might persuade you to join the 'Crimson Elite'." "Crimson Elite?" "Crimson Knights are too busy dealing with the everyday problems of the world to be chasing characters like this illegal player 'Kia.' The Crimson Elite are in charge of irregular problems that might threaten the world as a whole." "You think Kia's a threat to the World?" "Yes." Grim frowned. "No thanks. You can keep your stupid ar-" Grim froze. He couldn't unequip the armor. The knight smirked. "For the good of the World, we must insist that you join." Grim looked at the hidden knights, all ready to strike. There was no way out. "I...I accept." He said, admitting defeat.

OOC: Kenrin, if you want to join, you'll have to find the thread titled .hack//world in the adventure inn, and then follow the instructions there. I'd advise you to read the rules while your there. "Well, perhaps you won't see them again, actually." Grim added. "What do you mean?" Xia asked, unkorking the health drink. Grim held out his hand, to stop her from administering the potion. He knelt down beside Kia, meticulously examining the wound. Xia administered the drink anyway, and the wound started to heal up. Grim smirked, lost in whatever he was thinking. "Anyway, I think we should get Kia to the root town." She added. "Can't." replied Grim. "Those guys set up a barrier field before they attacked, meaning we can't gate out from the dungeon." He stood up, and paced towards the wall, still smirking. "Well, then I guess we walk out." Said Xia, a little creeped out by Grim. "No, the field will disperse shortly." He said. He was really starting to creep Xia out with the way he was talking. Then, to seemingly nobody, he spoke again. "You can come in now." He said. "It's definately her; the illegal character." Suddenly the room filled with Crimson Guards, surrounding Xia and the wounded Kia, who was starting to become concious. "What's going on?" Xia shouted in suprise. Grim was smirking. "Kia, you are in possession of an illegal character, and therefore your account will be frozen, along with all players assissting her in anyway." Said a guard. Kia rolled on her side, trying to get up. "Grim...you!" She said weakly. Grim just smirked. Xia shot him a deadly look, and Grim took the chance to mouth out two words: "Field's Open." A look of suprise washed over her face. "You will accompany us to the Administrator, who will thereby freeze your accounts. Uncooperation is not advised." Said the guard. "Go!" Grim mouthed urgently. Xia took hold of Kia's hand, and gated out, leaving a dumbfounded crowd of Crimson Knights behind.Grim laughed to himself, and turned away from the crowd. Summary: Grim supposedly betrayed Kia to the Crimson Knights, who want her for having an "illegal character" but she and Xia escaped.

OOC I have NO clue what "castle" you were talking about, Oliver, so I'm going to wait until you clarify. That post seemed a little rushed, anyway. Net Slums Grim gated into the net slums and looked around. He knew something seemed familiar-the place they were portaled to looked exactly like the net slums. He sighed, and wished he had stayed to find out why they had been transported there at all. That didn't matter now, he thought. Now, he needed answers. "Helba!" He shouted, his voice echoing in the distance. It gave him shivers down his spine; he didn't know what was real anymore. "Helba!" He shouted again. This time, a tall wavemaster in a white dress appeared before him. "What?" Said Helba in a serious tone. Grim swallowed before starting. "I need you to do something for me." "Like what? She replied coldly. "I want you to take me to Mac Anu." Grim stated. A slim smile appeared on Helba's lips. "You don't need a hacker to go to the root town." She pointed out. Grim grinned. "No, I want you to take me to the [I]real[/I] Mac Anu, the one that was attacked." Helba grimaced. She knew what he was talking about, Grim could tell. "What do you mean?" Asked Helba. "It's obvious. CC corp couldn't possibly fix the problem without first rebooting the world, and that would be nearly impossible, seeing as there are millions of players on the world at a time. A restart would cause mass complaints, not to mention a drop in sales. "So, instead of fixing the problem, I'm guessing they cut off all access to that Mac Anu, and replaced it with a copy, passing it off as the real thing. Am I right?" It was Helba's turn to swallow. "You're a fool. The problem was fixed, they didn't need to reboot at all." "You're lying." Answered Grim. "I'll even go a little further. I bet, they never even controllled the situation in the origional Mac Anu, right? I'll bet that portal they came out of was never closed, was it? And even further, I bet that same incident is likely to happen again." He grinned. Helba's expression didn't lead on to whether or not he was right, but she did at least know what he was talking about. Helba smiled. "Logical, however untrue. The portal was closed, though you are right that the problem was not fixed. However, I saw to it myself that this could not happen again." "How?" Grim demanded. "I sealed the portal myself." She said. And with that, she was gone. Mac Anu Grim frowned, and gated into town. It wasn't as crowded as it was when they were attacked. That's right, he thought, there was a festival that day for the returning Crimson Knights. He walked deeper into Mac Anu, saving his game once, and then standing atop the bridge. There wasn't alot going on today, except for a few special challenges CC corp had set up to make up for the problems yesterday. Grim thought for a moment, and then turned back to the chaos gate. He remembered something Helba herrself had told him. When there were changes in the world, they always showed up first in the Hidden Forbidden Holy Ground. He warped there immediately. Hidden Forbidden Holy Grounds Grim appeared at the end of the long pathway that led to the church. It seemed normal, except the sky had turned red. He to the church doors, which were sealed tight. Out of habit, he knocked. Almost instantly, he heard voices on the other side. "Bear!" One shouted, sounding female. "There's somebody out there!" "Hello!" Shouted a more masculine voice. "Uh, Hey!" Grim shouted back. "Is there anyway you can unlock the doors!" The male voice shouted. Grim tried the handle. "No, I don't see how I could!" Grim shouted. They talked among themselves, when suddenly, the game glitched, and the voices stopped. There were footsteps behind him, and he turned to see a somber-looking double blade girl. "Excuse me." She asked. "Have you seen two other players?" Grim thought for a moment. "There are two in-" The doors were open when he turned around, and the church was empty. He looked back at the sky, to see it too had returned to normal. "In where?" The girl asked. "Uh, nevermind." Grim replied. "Don't lie!" Shouted the girl. "I know you saw them, so where are they?" "Hey, who do you think you are?" Shouted Grim. "I'm...Tsukasa." She said. "Like the player who was trapped?" "I'm not trapped anymore. I got out." "I heard Tsukasa was a male wavemaster." "I changed my character. I...thought I was a boy at that time, the World was controlling my memories." She said. Then she gated out. Grim frowned at looked back into the monestary. Everything looked normal, except there was a monster portal behind the statue. He walked into the monastary. An iron gate held him away from the portal, so he couldn't see what it held. He tried to jump over the gate, but he stopped in mid air, and was gated out. :Five Minute Time out.: said a message on his screen. :For attempting illegal activity in the world: Grim sighed, and waited to be gated back in. Mac Anu Grim arrived, just as he saw Balmung walking away, into the alley, he could see legs dangling from his arm, and a head cradled in his other arm, but he didn't stop to ask. Instead, he stood back on the bridge, out of ideas. He saw Xia, but didn't go over. She wasn't going to be much use in figuring this out at this stage, she knew only as much as he did. Grim frowned and let himself fall off the bridge, just as the boat was passing underneath. "Watch it!" A crimson knight barked. He forgot-Crimson Knights were back, and the boat was their territory. He frowned and lept off the boat. Everything seemed peaceful. "Can the World really calm down so quickly after that?" He asked himself.

It's good to see someone who's actually willing to read fan fiction. Usually, everyone and his brother writes 20 page stories, and about three people read them. I remember seeing one site with 900 fan fics for Wolf's Rain, and about 1/4 of them got decent reviews. I myself rarely write fan fic, I never feel comfortarble controlling characters that aren't my own. But I do enjoy reading fan fics on occasion, but I haven't lately, mostly because I'm busy with schoolwork and my own stories. I'd like to get into reading them again, but the site I used to read them at is far too overcrowded, and there aren't a lot of good fan fics here; everybody writes origional stories.

LEVELS ARE AS FOLLOWS: Xia is at level 3 1/4, for not only fighting in Mac Anu from the beginning, but also dungeon crawling, and also tangling with the Shogun Orange Shadow is at level 2 3/4, for coming near the end of the Mac Anu scene, tangling with the shogun, and dungeon crawling. Loki is at level 2 1/2, for showing up midway through Mac Anu. Grim is at level 2 3/4, for fighting in Mac Anu from the beginning. Kia, if you choose to reenable yourself to level up, you will also be at 2 3/4, higher than Grim, for fighting alone in Mac Anu from the beginning. Shadow and Loki were docked for showing up late to Mac Anu, but don't think of it as a penalty, it's just that you didn't have the opportunity to kill as many goblins. ------------------------------------ "Yeah, what is it?" Grim said in suprise. He didn't expect to see other players so soon. He recognized them from Mac Anu, happy to see he wasn't the only one who made it. "Do either of you know-" He stopped. They obviously didn't, Grim thought. He changed his question. "Do either of you have a spare sword?" Kia nodded, and handed him a goblin sword. "I picked it up in Mac Anu on accident." She said. Grim nodded and equiped it. The sword's magic stole some of his energy, he immediately felt more depressed. He still couldn't log off, and he didn't know what would happen if he turned off his computer. He still shivered from the convulsions he went through getting here. Suddenly, Xia and Shadow came running, and collapsed at their feet. He looked up to see an armored shogun in the distance. Grim slashed his sword across the ground. "Let's go!" He shouted with more spirit than he felt. (Sorry it's not longer, I've got to go right now.)

Grim stood up, disoriented. The silohuette on the ground was now on his hands and knees. Grim looked closer. It was a puchygos(the pig things). He looked at the other player, who was standing up. He was vaugely familiar, but it didn't matter. The player was stone gray, dead. Grim realized that though he had been transported, his sword, which he had dropped in the battle(NOTE: everybody else still has their weapons, my character just dropped his) The player was a longblade, so there was no chance of taking his weapon. He checked his inventory for a spare sword. No such luck. "Damn" he said loudly. He may have been level one, but his sword was at a much higher level. A more experienced player gave it to him when he started. Now he had to fight without it. The puchygos was too small to ride, so he started walking. :BATTLE START: He paled. Without seeing it, he had activated a portal. There were only three goblins, but with no sword and few potions, he couldn't risk it. He ran.The dungeon came into view on the horizon, and he headed for it. More monsters, he thought. Great. He ran inside, just as he activated another portal. He came into the first room of the dungeon, and saw an open treasure chest. Somebody else had been here, he thought. Was it the others? He had to hope they had gotten all the portals.

Taking what you've said, what are you trying to accomplish? Are you giving the reader an insight on a general emotion, and exploring the anguish of obsessive love and hate, or giving an introduction to this one girl, and how she thinks? And if it is the later, could you at least pm this girl and ask her to change the fucktard? It's just a childish, goofy word. I wasn't shocked by it, per se, I didn't find it vile vulgar rude crude distasteful sailor-talk gutter-language or whatever, it just threw the mood. We can see that she is experiencing deep anguish, and then she uses something as ridiculous as "fucktard" Alright, I'm not completely obsessed with fucktard, I also have a comment on what Mitch said earlier. "He always robs me of happiness. Always. And always completely intentionally" too much "always." I understand you're writing this exactly how she thought it, but you're not going to loose that image by making it sound a little better. You could keep the same feeling and deliver the same message by saying "He always [I]intentionally[/I] robs me of happiness." But anyway, that's just my opinion. It's possible I don't completely grasp your objective, so if you like it the way it is, that's fine.

Alright, we're taking a roadtrip, so anybody else who hasn't posted yet needs to figure out their own way of getting here. I tried to do this without manipulating anyone's character. ** Grim understood Xia's plan, but found it impossible to focus on the Mu Guardian at all. The ever-growing sea of goblins were closing in on all sides, Grim was having enough trouble keeping them from overwhelming them. He was given a second's rest, though, when he desprately swung his blade, and took out two goblins at the same time. The ones behind them hesitated to attack. Grim took the opportunity to survey the situation. He saw Orange Shadow, and took a quick head count. There were no players left, he realized. Outside of Kia, Xia, Loki, Orange Shadow, and himself, there were no players left. Mac Anu was buldging with goblins, and every one of them were focused on the last remaining players. Grim realized he was panting, and his arms were burning from the strain of swinging his sword. But...why? Then, hope drained from him when in the corner of his eye, he saw a flash. He turned, expecting to see another statue-like player, but instead could no longer see Kia, who had been slowly working her way through the sea of monsters. He uttered a low scream, imagining her dead. Then, another flash. He turned, and Loki was gone. Xia, Shadow, and himself were the only ones left. They squeesed together back to back, as the crowd engulfed them. With a flash, Grim stumbled backwards. Shadow was gone. Grim didn't even know he was screaming as the goblins came ever closer. "Get down!" Xia yelled, as she whirled her staff in a circle around them. Grim saw it pass over his head, then dissapear. Xia was gone. Grim stood up again. There was no room for him to manuver. He made one last desprate swing, and lost his grip. His sword sailed through the crowd. It was hopeless, Grim could barely lift his arms. Then he saw the flash for himself, as a girl dressed completely in white appeared from nowhere, and flew at him. She touched his forehead, just before the last blow was strucken, and a white light engulfed him. In the real world, Grim gasped, and threw himself out of his computer chair. On the ground he twitched frantically, kicking his limbs and screaming. Then, the light faded, and it was over. The light faded, and he was no longer in Mac Anu. Water drops on a puddle woke him up. He was lying on the floor, of where he didn't know. Red sand covered the ground, and it was trickling rain. The sky was gray, and bits of code floated through the air. He remembered the story he heard of Tsukasa, and rapped on his headset. Good, he was still really at home. His eyes refused to focus, so he could only see the silohuettes of the other players, no wait, not all of them. He could distinctly make out two others, one was huddled on the ground, slowly making their way to their feet, and the other was sitting nearby. Where were the others? "Where are we?" He shouted, to nobody in particular.

I like it, except for "fucktard," which kind of spoiled the mood. Besides that, it's good, the perspective's unique, with some deep symbolysm at the end. Very good, although the first paragraph did throw me a little. 9.5/10, 1/2 a point, 'cause I got stuck for three minutes on fucktard, and the focus was directed at her thoughts, and kind of ignored her outside actions, if that makes any sense.

I tried not to exclude your character, Wave of Death, without manipulating her. I hope I didn't do something wrong! It took the boy a minute to realize exactly what had happened. At first, he thought the boat had risen up and dumped them on shore, but he soon found, as Xia had taken off, that the river itself had become solid. There was now a clear path, which goblins were slowly filling up. The boy watched Xia fall, but he hesitated. It was possible that, if he did go to rescue her, the path would collapse around him, trapping him in a crowd of furious goblins. He looked the other way to see the path was practically clear, and there was a hole big enough on shore for him to get through. He could make it to the roof yet. He had to choose fast, his window of opportunity was closing. "Is it really worth it?" He asked himself finally, turining at last to the Mu Guardian, who had both Xia and another player the boy didn't recognize defenceless. He took one last look back at Kia, who was focusing her attention on both the Mu Guardian and the surrounding goblins, and ran forward as fast as his controller would let him, through the ever narrowing path. A few goblins were wise to him, and darted in front of him. The boy rolled forward and made quick work of three as he came up. Whether Kia was with him or not, he couldn't tell, such was the havoc he now faced. It took a wild leap on his part, but he succeeded in getting into the clearing the Mu Guardian had made for itself, and its prey. The boy rolled again, and dealt a staggering stab to the monster, who was momentarily distracted from Xia. "Xia!" He shouted. Xia's eyes popped open, and she made a scramble for her staff, just in time to save it from being swallowed up by the now closing circle of goblins. Loki had also recovered, and ran to the opposite side of the monster, where he struk a quick blow. He darted back as the monster turned with his flailing club. "I'm Grim, by the way, if it comes to us dying here!" Said Grim.

I wrote this with as much detail as I could think of. If it's not detailed enough, I'll add more. Let me know what you think! (PS I started hating this guy half-way through creating him.) Name: Matthew Gillaven Age: 34 Gender: male Appearance: Matthew has burnt straw-colored hair. He always slicks it back when he needs to make a good impression, but besides that he never touches it. Where he's worked before, his co-workers could usually tell what kind of day Matthew was going to have, depending on which side of his hair was sticking up from beadhead. He's naturally messy, but he cleans up good when he needs to, which was essential for him when he used to make public apperances. His skin is naturally pale, darkened slightly by hours in the sun. His eyes are brown, although they used to be blue. How? His father. He was a marketing genius. He told him that blue eyes linger in the memory, so Matthew wore blue color-changing contacts, that later faltered his vision and made him wear perscription contacts. Good ol' dad. His father never made a public apperance, though he did write an impressive piece on 'the outstanding salesperson.' Thanks to his father, Matt came to look like that salesperson. When the time comes for Matthew to make a good impression, he always wears the same suit-cream colored suit, with the same red striped tie. That came from the mechanics of his father, too. Appear to every customer in the same way, that way he was easier to recognise. The red tie was an eye-catcher, that made people faintly remember the childhood "red-balloon". Matthew hated that tie, but it became habbit to wear it. When Matthew was not focused on impression, he wore blue jeans, hiking shoes, and a green jacket, complete with bedhair, and glasses. Occupancy: Dispite his father's wishes, Matthew never became a salesperson. He's had many jobs, though, where he did have to meet important people, or speak in front of a large audience, so his father's vanity wasn't in vain. Good ol' dad. He was dead now, though, from a heart attack. His last words, to Matt, were thus: "get...a camera in 'ere...dyin' man for...selling first-aid kits...perfect gimmick..." Matthew put his card on his tombstone. Matt's current occupation is thus: he works with the expedition, meeting people who would fund it, as well as works on it himself. Since he hardly talks to his co-workers, except a morning grumble about cold coffee, he has earned a reputation as 'the million dollar ***.' Biography:(here we go...) Matthew grew up in New York City, with his vain father, and his orthadox mother. Before and after his mother's constant bible-study, his father would show him the ropes of salespersona. His father sold tv's at best buy, and wore a nametag with polka-dots and a smiley face in the bottom corner. That was to be Matt's fate, too. The first thing he did when he moved out, was renounce his religion. He twitches when somebody says "Jesus." His mother never talks to him, unless it was about his eternal punishment in the bowles of hell. Before every meeting, Matthew used to call his mother, so everybody could see what a decent guy he is. At one such an occasion, his mother's screech broke the earpiece to a very expensive phone. He doesn't call his mother anymore. Matthew's father made sure he had a job before he had a work permit. His first hour out of the house, at age 18, was spent in a waiting room. He was going in for an interview, to become that company's fancy beggar. He would then meet with other companies who would sponser his company. Matthew took no pride in never failing to get funds. Nobody knew it, but Matthew utterly hated himself. He then floated from company to company, doing the exact same thing. "Same *** different day" was etched in marble and hung above his door at home. He finally was given some freedom from his mundane boredum, when he took a job to attract funds for an acheologist dig, in middle egypt. The pay was minimal, and required walking miles and miles each day out into the middle of nowhere, and then miles and miles back to camp. Matthew loved every second. Though a basically smug, classy salesperson, Matthew had his quirks. He was extremely fluent in Latin, which he used exactly twice, excluding the portion that snuck into his swearing. He was also deadly with throwing knives. He hasn't seen one in years. Though with the money he rakes in, he could easily afford a condo in Miami and never work again, Matthew continues to work. Why? Good ol' dad never taught him how to relax.

That's really good, it sent a shiver down my spine. A werewolf, I'm guessing? Great perspective, I never thought of the moon as watching us before...creepy... 10/10

(I jump around chronilogically a bit. Just a warning, although I don't think it will be too confusing.) ~Mac Anu~ Helba floated high above Mac Anu, looking down upon the misfortune of the trapped players, who were now being slaughtered by the monsters. Helba, as good a hacker as she would, couldn't brandish her weapon in town either; it was all she could do to save herself by floating above the chaos. She couldn't gate out, either. She was trapped like everyone else. When a player was killed by the monsters, they gave one final gray flash before they became like gray statues. Mac Anu was full of flashes now, like fireflies in the forest at night. Two bright flashes in the center of town, on the bridge. Helba didn't even have to see the players to know who it was; Orca and Balmung had fallen. Pity, they had done all they could to get other players out of harms way, though those attempts seemed pretty much vain right now. Helba looked for a rooftop she could wait on until the monsters were gone; she couldn't think of anything else. ------------------------ A boy sat at a monitor in an internet cafe. He had just came to Mac Anu for a quick resupply, and now he couldn't gate out. The monsters had overlooked him at the time, but it wouldn't last. He stood by the Chaos Gate and watched the monsters destroy every player there. Then he had an idea; there was a crate in the far back of Mac Anu, and from there he could probably get to the roof. It meant going through three dozen goblins without a weapon, but he had to try. The boy ran as fast as his controller would let him, narrowly sidestepping three orcs, that took a swipe at him. Something caught the corner of his eye, but he couldn't be sure; it looked like a snow white girl admist the goblins. looking straight at him. When he looked straight at her, she vanished, and was replaced by a hundred goblins, all still pouring out of the single gate. He barely made it to the bridge, where a line of goblinsawaited him on the other side. He stopped in an ever-narrowing spot in the center of the brige, when a goblin leapt at him from behind. The boy turned around, but could do nothing as the goblin's sword fell. He closed his eyes from instinct, but his vizor never beeped "Game Over." He opened one eye, to see Balmung blocking the goblin with his own body. "Go!" He shouted. The goblin's attack diminished half his life points, but it gave the boy a little longer to escape. There was nowhere to go, and the boy just stood there stupidly. The same goblin sidestepped Balmung and took another shot. Balmung again blocked it with his body, pushing the boy off the bridge. The boy saw him flash and turn gray as he fell. The boat that at one point had carried the Crimson Knights was under him, luckily, and he crashed in the back. An orc aside the river saw him, though, and lept onto the front of the boat, rocking it violently. It leapt at the boy before he could even think of dodging. In desperation, his hand instinctively went to the defend button. The orc's sword fell, but hit something hard. The boy stared in shock, for his own sword now stood between the orc and he. He could fight. --------------------------- ALLRIGHT! Everybody in this starts in the slaughter, and for some reason, they alone can fight the goblins. NO SPELLS OR SKILLS! Only melee attacks, and remember that you're still level one!

Alright, 9 people is good enough. If you still want to sign up, feel free, but I'm starting this thing within 24 hours, and it is now 6:00 saturday night

Great poem, like a morbid story, in a way. I like how you made nature mourning, in a way, and at the end when the sinners succumb to the darkness by striking a match; very deep. 10/10

Alright, I'm going to jump in on this a few chapters in, because the first two are just bloody boring :sleep: so here's what you'll be missing: Dave was a soldier in Troy, just before it was taken over by Ulysseus and the Sparatens (don't know how to spell...) He's a writer, and tends to slack off on patrol. He's engaged to a woman named Sophia, and the story starts the day before the soldiers of Troy find the trojan horse, their downfall. That night, David, forgetting to lock the doors of their small house, is killed in his sleep. :animecry: Sophia manages to kill his killer, and then flees the city. But remember, this is the legend of Dave. :animestun David's story really begins when he finds himself at the gates of the underworld, already dead. He arrives surrounded by other dead soldiers who were also killed in their sleep, but Dave is different: While the other soldiers who were killed will be tossed in a pile and burned, Sophia manages to sneak back into Troy to grab Dave's corpse, gather some of his belongings, and two gold coins, which means Dave has a proper burial. Here's some roman mythology for you, so you can see why this is so important: In the Underworld, the dead are greated by the ferryman Charon, who will ferry them across the river Acheron, for a small price of two gold coins. Those without a proper burial and no boat fare, must wad a hundred years in another river, The Styx. So, knowing that Dave will be burried, Charon singles him out and goes with him to find his coffin, which winds up somewhere in the Underworld when Sophia burries him. With me so far? Good. Now we go into the story, where Charon and Dave are in the boat. David's mourning for himself, and Charon's damn impatient. :animeangr [U]CHAPTER 3: Marcus, the artist formally known as Charon[/U] (PS Dave=David & Charon=Marcus) David sat in silence for what seemed like hours. He wasn't truly sad that he had died, only that he now had to face eternal torture. Really, he was more upset about ending up down in the Underworld, rather then in the Elyssian Fields(kinda like heaven). After all, he hadn't commited any major sins; he never killed, he never cheated on Sophia, he never stole anything valuable, he never attacked or turned on his neighbor, in fact by every right he should be basking in the warm sun, instead of freezing to death mourning himself into a stuppor down here with a crotchety old ferry man in a river that looked like gelatin mossy crap. After perhaps one more hour, he decided he should at least try to speak to this Charon fellow, he might be able to find out what he did wrong. "Eh, Charon, was it?" David asked. The ferryman looked back from the tip of the boat, keeping one eye focused on the river ahead. "Beh, that's not my name. Some idiot up there decided to name me after a bloomen comet, or some crap like that." He corrected. "But if ye want, you can call me Charon. The dead don't have names." "I disagree." David said. "I'm dead, and my name's David." Charon looked back, almost suprised. "Still holding on to that whole memory thing, eh? Well I guess you've only been 'ere a few hours, but it'll clear up in the first hundred years I bet." David swallowed deep. "That wasn't comforting." He said in a sharp tone. "Wasn't tryin to be." Charon retorted. David frowned. "Will you at least tell me the name you had when you were alive?" He asked. "Sure," said the ferryman. "It twas Marcus, I think. Or it could have been Faddius..." "Marcus will do." David said quickly. "Anyway, Marcus," David continued, "do you know what sins I've, er, sinned to land myself down 'ere?" The ferryman scratched his jetting jaw, and said, "Well, I think it was sloth." "Sloth?" "Yep, and you were never baptized." "What? I was baptized twice!" Then I guess one cancled the other out then, didn't it love? It's like flipping a switch, you turned it on, and then turned it right back off again." "That doesn't make any sense!" David shouted. Marcus looked back at him. "Then I suppose that's a matter to be brought up with the three judges of the underworld, isn't it?" "Is it?" Dave couldn't help but to ask stupidly. "It is." Marcus replied. "Well then, where are they?" David asked. "In the palace of Hades. Good luck getting past Cerberus, though." "The dog?" "the BIG dog, with three heads." Marcus corrected. "And trust me, that sonofabitch bites hard. You do not want to be bleeding from a dogbite for fifty years, believe you me." David decided to drop it at that. He had a feeling Marcus wasn't going to be a big help. As far as David could guess, it took about two days for he and Marcus to cross the big river. He guessed the length was because Marcus kept floating farther down the river, to get them closer to his coffin, wherever it was. Something he had to say for being dead; he never became hungry, or thirsty, or tired, thoug he did sleep a bit to pass the time. One morning, or evening, or midday, long after David lost track, Marcus yelled for him to wake up. "Oy, rise and shine you bloke! we're at the coast! Time to get off!" David awoke, unrefreshed, and smiled at the coast. "Finally, I was going out of my mind with boredum." "You should be thankful," said Marcus, "you'll be praying for peace like that for the rest of existance." A shiver flew down his spine when he thought about the rest of existance. Dave hopped off the boat and stretched his legs. He walked a few paces before he realized the ferryman wasn't following him. "You coming?" Asked David. "One second." Said Marcus. "There's a new group of dead ones at the gates, I can't keep them waiting too long." He thought for a moment, and then snapped his bony fingers. "I got it!" Suddenly, his skin seemed to peal and flake, until his entire body was covered in dead skin. Then he slowly pushed away from the dead skin, until he was completely out of it. The dead skin now looked like a wax figureine, held in place by the ferry stick. "Off you go then!" Marcus shouted, and the dead skin animated. It grasped the pole tightly, and set sail into the misty water. "I'm disgusted, and repulsed." said David. Marcus cackled. "I love bein' dead! C'mon, let's find your luggage." He stepped off the boat, and they began their journey through the Underworld. =============== Alright, that's a rough draft, and I realize that there's not much detail. I haven't had this project all along, after all. Perhaps not the most action-packed topic there ever was, but I still feel it's worth a peek, to see what the Underworld's like. It's supposed to be a morbid comedy, though that wasn't exactly a funny part. Next, I plan to detail Marcus's and David's trip through the underworld, and find just where he fits in the Underworld. I know, it was pretty boring, but habg in there, I think the next one will be better.

This is great, I really didn't expect anybody to sign up! Everything looks great, and yeah, like Dj said, Heavy axeman and blademaster are also choices. I'm anxious to start this, but I'm going to give it a little longer. In the meantime, here's my character. Name: Grim Age: 14 Gender: male Description: Gray skin with black sybols. Silver long hair, messy, and a gotee. Bare backed, with brown baggy pants with a decorative belt. Black boots, and a long thin sword hanging from his back. Type: blademaster Personality: Formal and no-nonsense, he has a bad habit of taking control, although most parties don't complain-he's good with strategy. He also has a cold streak to him, and hardly leaves a plain without killing every monster. He never uses member adresses, and is never in the same party twice. PS. Wave of death, your signups friggen awesome. Had to say it.

Name: Ishtarel Mynok (known as Wolf) Race: human Class: melee fighter(proficient in some forms of melee combat, no forms of ranged combat, and moderate experience in hand-to-hand combat) Age: 26 Description: Wolf is easily recognised, as he was born with stone gray skin. Most people agree that it was caused by his mother, who developed the same trait by constant exposure to sut and ash. His hair is brown, and is always tied back in a pony-tail, and his eyes are a rich emrald green. He's usually dressed in light, dark brown leather armor, with a black helmet that covers the top half of his face. His curved sword, grim, hangs sheathlessly on his belt. Weapon of Choice: A long curved sword with a black hilt and a cackeling skull carved near the tip. He has been seen calling it Grim. Personality: Suprisingly good humored for his apperance, but is too quick to judge those around him. Those he travels with usually find themselves ranked, in the alpha-omega order (one of the reasons he is called "Wolf"). He is often overconfident, and will charge into battle alone, regardless of the enemy's size. He's intimidating at a glance, of course, he's been in many pointless fights over his apperance. Bio: Wolf, born in Maunder, grew up very close to the mines. His mother and father were both miners, as was his former mentor. He himself had only been down in the mines twice, though, before he moved away with a band of nomads, who struck a deal with his father to get Wolf to Allinuder, where he was promised a job manning a large boat, the Sunder. However, Wolf never made it to Allinuder. He was seperated from the band in a thick forest, and wound up in Kyripto in one month. He had no way of informing either his family or the tribe of his whereabouts, so he was forced to make a living for himself in Kyripto. He was lucky, a man with a hand in entertainment knew his face from a trip through Maunder, and he was offered a job in doing acrobatics with sharp objects, hence his flashy fighting style. There he remainded until he was 20, when he left with a party of treasure seekers, for Allinuder. He didn't plan to take the job he was offered long ago, but rather set up a small weapon shop on port, where he would hopefully live out the rest of his life. Again, his journey was interrupted. A lady in his party, Helena, whom Wolf came to care for like a sister, became violently ill. They were again in the forest when Wolf left the camp to find an herb that would allow the illness to subside. He came back to an empty, raveged camp. Who it was, or why they came, he knew not, but Helena was with them, so he followed them as far as the trail went, and has been hunting them since.

OK, I'm not as arrogant as to think that if I just start this, people will respond and I could actually tell the whole story, so instead I'm going to give a brief outline, and if enough people say they would stick with it, I'll post the story. Outline: The basic concept is that this millionare lady captures wolf children, kids with wolf-like traits, and forces them into slavery. One of them, the main character Omega, the weakest of the bunch, escapes. The lady(we'll call her mistress for the time being) sends her strongest slaves after him, Alpha, Beta, Gamma, and Delta. Omega has a day head start, but being the last in the pack, the other 4 slowly catch up. Omega's supplies were abandoned when he escaped, so he's very hungry and tired, plus he's got a wound in his leg. The first few nights of his freedom are spent trying to get as far away from mistress as possible, and hunting(unsuccessfuly) Something to bring up: Omega doesn't exactly look like a wolf. He has a tail, and stubs in his hair where ears will be. Besides that, he looks completely human(in fact, I'm debating whether or not he should be completely human.) There's a town about five miles away from the mistress's masion(or whatever) and Omega winds up there at about the third day. Luckily, the alpha-delta group missed him in the forest, but unluckily they already made it into town and told the sherriff to be on the lookout for Omega. Gamma, who's a sort of half-ally to Omega, convinces Alpha that Omega couldn't have made it to town already, so they've already left to comb the forest. Omega doesn't know the sherriff's looking for him, so he walks into town tail wagging and everything. Eventually, he gets caught, and thrown into a jail cell untill the mistress can bring him back to the mansion(or whatever). He has some luck at this point though, as his cell is across the hall from a girl's cell who plans on breaking out. They break out that night, and Omega, still hungry, manages to steal some meat from the butcher on their way out of town. That's not all, but I thought that was enough for input. As you can tell, I need a lot of help. Any comments/questions/criticizm/ideas?

Hey, I'm new, and I was wondering if anybody would mind making the following pic into a banner and avi. If you could, could you get the quote "SuperUber-freakingliciously cool" onto the banner? Thanks! [url]http://images-jp.amazon.com/images/P/B0002AOTXM.09.LZZZZZZZ.jpg[/url]