Chaos

It’s been a long time. 21 years. That’s incredible to me. So much has happened in that time. War, peace, war again, panics and pandemics, radical advancement of technology. It doesn’t all seem real. I’ve been lurking for a few days now, going back and reading old PMs and threads, seeing things that I missed, missed out on. Seeing how things changed. I hated it. I went back and saw how much I hated myself. I always knew I did, always knew I was an ass and acted out blindly and stupidly. Cocky, opinionated, chauvinistic. Truth be told, I hated myself at the time, too. Blamed myself for things I had no control over, blamed others for the things I did. I’m amazed I was tolerated. I guess people saw through the nastiness, saw the reasons written between the lines? I don’t know. I wouldn’t have been friends with me. I had a lot dumped on me at the time, had some opportunities that I both had taken away and let slip away. Acted out out of insecurity, of fear and aggression. It’s shameful. I am ashamed of who I was, and to an extent who I am. I think I’m a better person now. Maybe even a good one? I tacked on ill-fitting pieces of personality, trying to fit myself in to shapes that didn’t work. Tried to “earn” my father’s love and attention, tried to burn away a bad childhood in a blaze of tough-guy, macho jerk that just turned out to be smoke and mirrors. Only thing that really got me was a few too many concussions. That’s the other part I hate. I don’t remember it all. I remember the feelings, I remember some of the names. I remember them being really important at the time, staying up late into the night and early into the morning having long discussions over AIM and reacting to every little perceived slight so egregiously poorly. I don’t know if it’s the concussions, the chronic insomnia, the depression, time, or something worse that dimmed those memories. My mom got diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and dementia at 65, and it’s horrible. She has good days and bad days and doesn’t remember them after, but everyday I think about “what if that happens to me, too?” Is AIM even still a thing? I joined the day before 9/11. That’s a weird thing to think about. Reading this back, I’m giving the wrong impression. I loved this place, and I loved the people in it. Many of them impacted and affected my life, informed on how I grew as a person, and I’m grateful for the time and the companionship. I’d say at one point it very sincerely saved my life. I don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t have this community of friends. I just wish I wasn’t me. That I didn’t inflict my insufferable angst on them. It’s sad to see such a tight community drift away. I see people flit back every so often, looking at the post histories. It’s like we’re migrating back to the old watering holes, drifting pass as we go on our ways. How about you? What do you regret? What do you remember? What do you treasure?

I haven’t been playing much except myself. Divinity: Original Sin every once in a while. Sometimes I’ll pop in Skyrim or Mass Effecf for some mindless nostalgia. Hmm, might be why I’m posting here... lol I kid, I kid. Actually picked up playing Dungeons and Dragons again around the start of the year with some friends and coworkers. That’s been occupying more and more of my free time. Doesn’t feel as stagnant as any of the Far Cry series or Destiny. Getting back into that just reminds me of all the old text RPGs on here. Reminds me of creativity. Why do games feel so boring nowadays?

Haha, I quit lurking to come post in a topic about the game series that literally made me bleed from the nose. I love Mass Effect. It effectively replaced MGS as my favorite series when Lair of the Shadow Broker came out. I F-ING hated the ending. Still can't understand what exactly the developers thought they were conveying with their plothole-riddled corpse of an ending. I won't start a rant, but when I finished my main playthrough, I headdesked and popped my nose out of place. I am a strong proponent of the Indoctrination Theory, to the point it has become my HeadCanon. If they had actually gone that route, it would've been the best ending to a game since Red Dead Redemption. Hell, it would've been the best twist to an ending that I can immediately recall. What we got, however, effectively killed the series for me. I spent over 300 hours and hundreds of dollars at this point on pre-orders and DLC just to pick which color screws over the galaxy. Oh, crap, I ranted. Sorry. Multiplayer is fun. It's neat. Vanguards have always been my favorite, and it's fun as hell when you have teammates pinned down to flank and Charge-Nova-repeat to victory. Anyone on 360, hit me up sometime. I'm hoping they go Dragon Age Origins or Fallout with the endings, giving me a blurb for the "thousands" of things that I've flagged over the years in my playthroughs. Something at least. The DLCs hopefully open up new avenues and add replayability. As it stands, I had the urge to play through the entire series again, and I got to Therum on ME and got so disheartened that I just stopped playing ANYTHING for like four days. FPS Mass Effect? Go play Halo. Turians are Elites, krogan are Brutes, volus are Grunts, yahg are Hunters, vorcha are Jackels, they have shields and spaceships. lmao.

I live in New Orleans, so yeah. I've had my fair share of hurricanes... Andrew when I was a kid, and a bad flood in May of '95 that ruined my childhood home. Georges a few years later, though he veered east and didn't do any damage to the metro area. Katrina of course, did a ton of damage...we came home and were doing repairs when Rita struck and did more damage. That one broke a lot of spirits in my neighborhood, but we managed to survive. I buried too many friends and relatives in '05. =/ In '08 Gustav did a lot of damage, too, but nowhere near the devastation as the sisters. Still had to fix a third of the roof and the attic. Never lost power though. Odd, right? Seen a bunch of tornados on the north shore when I lived there for a few years. Actually drove through a forming one once, that was a scary experience. Driving rain suddenly pulled upwards and the Jeep swept sideways. Corrected it and floored it. I-12 then became an obstical course of limbs and small trees behind me... Parked under an overpass a few minutes later and laid down in the ditch. Was there for like two hours before the storm passed and drove home. I've had my fair share of close calls before but that, I will never forget. It was like being chased by a train. Had cuts all over my back from the wind and hail. Lightning actually struck twenty feet away from a friend of mine, on a stump he was sitting on a few moments earlier. He's deaf in one ear and has flair-ups of pain in his legs every so often. He doesn't go out much anymore... =/ Friend of my mother's died riding a motorcycle when I was much younger. A bad storm was coming through and he was trying to get home. He was about ten minutes from his house when he hydroplaned and hit his head on the ground when he laid the bike down. He was out on the street unconscious in a flash flood and drowned. I kinda hate the rain, you know?

[quote name='Lady Shy' date='21 July 2010 - 07:45 AM' timestamp='1279716349' post='697583'] Is that a vest of hair? How ravishing. [/quote] Don't judge. It took me years to hunt down enough dogs to weave this fine overcoat.

[quote name='PiroMunkie' date='22 July 2010 - 11:52 PM' timestamp='1279860753' post='697677'] Please no. I only recently had a breakthrough with my therapist. [size=1]*rattles chains in the OB attic* Hi guys. [color=gray]edit - I just happened upon the VV YouTube video and rofl'd when Shinji's name was on the "Member Blocking" part.[/color][/size] [/quote] Zomg it's a John! Quick, tranq it and place a homing tag on it's ear! *pfft*

[quote name='DisrespectWomenEarnALiving' date='14 July 2010 - 03:28 PM' timestamp='1279139291' post='697310'] [youtube]M8H1sMO0F1Y[/youtube] [/quote] I laughed at this way more than I should have... Hooray beer! Anyway, for relevence, this is what you should NOT do at four in the morning,

Lolz. I miss the old formats. =/ Then again, I am opposed to all kinds of change that require me to deviate from the normal course. NOT THAT ANYONE CARES. >_>

I got RDR after my roommate got it and I watched him play for a few hours. That was the most fun I've had just watching someone play a game since MGS4. Awesome game, about twenty-ish percent done at the moment. Just went over into Mexico in search of Billy. So far, everything about this game has meet expectations, if not surpassed them. Except for the Fort Mercer mission. Far too easy if you consider the in-game lore about how fortified and dangerous it was supposed to be. (I'm stuck playing it now, and UFC 10 is feeling neglected. If anyone wants to posse up online, I'm down for it usually. Send me a message and we'll hook up.)