SunfallE

[COLOR="goldenrod"][quote name='Sandy']You both had [I]essentially[/I] the same main character: a caring white straight man from Earth with a wife and a kid. The same dude that adventures in pretty much every sci-fi novel, tv-series and movie ever made (just a slight generalization, heh). Now, you know me, I like to steer away from conventional characters, just because I find them, well, boring. Both of your characters were frankly said "yawn-inspiring". Their behavior and reactions were unsurprising, and their personality was one-sided. Your stories, as great as they were, could've used that extra [I]oomph[/I] gained from a unique, different main character. I don't mean that you have to use a one-legged mulatto hermaphrodite from Venus to please me, but Beth, had you told your story from Saria's or Christine's point-of-view, I believe you would've had a whole different aura to your story (a better one in my opinion). Same goes for BK, Jenna would've been more original choice for a main character. I might sound like a hardcore feminist, but honestly, bringing some female p-o-w to the largely male-driven genre would've impressed me. [/QUOTE]This really brings to mind what Allamorph pointed out. [quote name='Allamorph'][FONT=Arial][COLOR=Goldenrod]Also, and I worry about this constantly myself, you are the only one with a clear picture of what's happening. It's inherent in your position as the author; obviously you're writing to show everyone else what's going on in your head, but remember that all we have to work with is a blank slate, and you're painting in front of us. [/COLOR][/FONT][/QUOTE]Knowing what's going on since it's coming from my point of view. And I feel rather silly that I didn't even think about the character being the "yawn-inspiring" type. I wrote about a straight white male with a wife and kid since in the dream...I[I] was[/I] a guy with a wife and kid. lol So from my point of view it was anything but typical or uninspired. Since it's rare for me to dream that I'm a member of the opposite sex no less. lol But as Allamorph pointed out it is my job to convey things to the readers and I have to agree, changing it to where I was Saria would have probably been better. But in all honesty, it didn't even occur to me. Just as I didn't think about how no one would know where the idea came from or the other aspects to it that are different. I didn't separate it enough to help it stand on it's own two feet. Leaving all the influences of where the idea came from behind would have helped. I'll have to keep that in mind the next time I work on a story. Since now it's crystal clear that there's no way anyone else reading it would have known that. All this feedback is making me want to re-write it to fix the grammar errors as well as switching Lareth and Saria around. To improve it if you will. So in the end, thank you for being blunt. I really do appreciate it. :catgirl:[/COLOR]

[COLOR="goldenrod"][quote name='Sandy']I should probably give you a forewarning: even talking about the [I]number[/I] of clichés in public will disqualify your post. So far you haven't said exact numbers, but you better take this warning seriously. Losing just one post will most probably make you lose the whole challenge.[/QUOTE]I figured that was the case. Which is why I said [I]a lot[/I] instead of a specific number. ^_~ Since you said we couldn't mention the actual ones used so I assumed that meant we couldn't list the number either. Thanks for the warning though. That would have sucked to lose over something like that. Especially after Rach and Aaryanna put so much work into their posts. Oh and by the way. I swear! Seeing that you had posted in our thread about gave me a heart attack! I was thinking... [I]Damn! How did we mess up?[/I] [B]XD[/B] Don't scare me like that Sandy! LOL! [/COLOR]

[COLOR="goldenrod"][quote name='Aaryanna'][COLOR="goldenrod"][B]EDIT:[/B] And done! Talk about going overboard with cliches. >_< That's gotta be the cheesiest post I've every written! Feh![/COLOR][/QUOTE]Hehe, even so that had a LOT of cliches in it. Good job. ^_~ I couldn't help but laugh at it. Heh. I guess this means it's now the Aces turn. Should be interesting to see what they stuff into it next. [/COLOR]

[COLOR="goldenrod"][SIZE="3"]Prem! You can only answer one! Get rid of your second answer ASAP! [/SIZE] And speaking of answers: [B] 6 - Opinions are not allowed. Or are they?[/B] Is this thread. [url]http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=50517[/url] [B]EDIT:[/B] Oh and to be clear... I found that turn off switch for the auto pm receipt pop up. I'd die if that came back. lol[/COLOR]

[COLOR="goldenrod"]Even though I think abortion is wrong, from the standpoint of freedom of choice I am pro-choice. And instead of rehashing what Crystia already said, I'll leave it at that since her views match mine. I don't agree with thinking I have the right to make that decision for someone else. And to be blunt. I know exactly what Crystia is talking about. Rape is far from pretty and though I was too young to end up pregnant. I can easily see how the idea of being forced to carry the child of your attacker would be inhumane. :animedepr[/COLOR]

[COLOR="goldenrod"]First of all allow me to present those who were chosen for this assignment: [B]Expedition leader:[/B] Brianna Henderson - Played by indifference [B]Commanding Officer:[/B] Marcus T. DeSouza - Played by BKstyles [B]Co-pilot/engineer:[/B] Kendra A. Erickson - Played by SunfallE [B]Pilot:[/B] Alexander-James Bishop – played by Disenchanted [B]Scientist/Mechanic:[/B] Nakeisha Rhodes – played by Shy [B]Foreign-relations/languages expert[/B]: Michael J Travis – played by Rachmaninoff [B]Military Officer:[/B] Lt. Morrison Vayne – played by The Boss [B]Military Officer:[/B] Major Cameron James – played by Aaryanna [B]Military Officer:[/B] Captain Teresa Schovick – played by Aaryanna [B]Medic:[/B] Catherine Sanderson – played by Aaryanna_Mom With so many excellent applications it was a difficult choice. However as you may note there are three Military Officers instead of the intended two. This is due to the dangers associated with the very first assignment the team will receive and upon reflection the CIF decided to accept an additional crew member. You do not need to worry about what that assignment is just yet, soon you will be briefed and the mission thread will be posted in the Adventure Square. Until then we'd like to present the ship you will be assigned to, the: [B][SIZE="4"][CENTER]Argo Navis[/CENTER][/SIZE][/B] [center][IMG]http://img262.imageshack.us/img262/9949/shipvt3.jpg[/IMG][/center] Now before the first assignment goes up, if there any concerns or questions. Please address them here. ^_^ And most of all, get ready for some fun! :catgirl: [CENTER][SIZE="4"][B]Character Personalities [/B][/SIZE][/CENTER] [B]Colonel Marcus DeSouza[/B] – Clearly confident in his abilities and yet a tad reserved, especially in regards to Major Cameron James who he frequently gives the cold shoulder to. [B]Kendra Erikson[/B] – Excited to be part of the mission and yet less than thrilled with the choice of mechanic. [B]Brianna Henderson[/B] – Stern and a bit uncertain over being assigned to work with the military. Much like DeSouza she is not use to sharing command with the military just as he is not use to sharing with a civilian. [B]Lieutenant Morrison Vayne[/B] – Focused and always thinking about the security side of any job. [B]Michael Travis[/B] – A bit reserved, except in regards to various languages. [B]Captain Teresa Schovick[/B] – Easily the most hyper of the entire crew. [B]Alexander-James Bishop[/B] – A bit flippant and yet quite thrilled over the chance to pilot the Argo Navis. [B]Major Cameron James[/B] – Eager to do his job and yet confused by the cold demeanor of the Colonel. [B]Nakeisha Rhodes[/B] – A bit snobbish in regards to using the latest tools but still means well. [CENTER][SIZE="4"][B]Terminology[/B][/SIZE][/CENTER] CCB (computerized clip board) IDT (Identification Tag) DLP (Display Laser Pointer)[/COLOR]

[COLOR="goldenrod"][CENTER][SIZE="3"][B]*pokes BKstyles and everyone else as well* [/B][/SIZE][/CENTER][quote name='BKstyles'][FONT="Tahoma"]OOC: Jus as said, take this time to conversate with whomever, do what ya want. The Trial will start after a few posts, and we can get to the action ;).[/FONT][/QUOTE]:p Four replies equals more than a [I]few posts[/I]. So can we start the trial yet? Huh? Huh? Huh? Unless you meant a few by each person. ^_~[/COLOR]

[COLOR="goldenrod"][quote name='2007DigitalBoy'][COLOR="DarkOrange"] I love this show, because while it's pretty much pointless, it's really fun and hilarious. Oh, and there's tons of fanservice for both sides of the spectrum (big or small boobs...)[/COLOR][/QUOTE]Oh I agree, it is pointless. Though now that I've gotten a little further plots are starting to emerge. Giving the show more to stand on than the fan service which gets old real quick. Though just when it looks like the fan service is tapering off they revive it with a flourish. The episode where Louise gets a job comes to mind. o_O That was certainly interesting. I went back and forth between cringing and laughing out loud at how absurd it was. Oh and by far one of the wackiest episodes was when Louise accidentally drinks [spoiler]the love potion. Too bad for Saito that she remembered everything that had happened when it was finally reversed. [/spoiler] As for the fan service. Meh. Other than some of the innuendos between Louise and Saito, quite a bit could have easily been left out without hurting the show at all. :p[/COLOR]

[COLOR="goldenrod"]I've recently become addicted to this show. With its cute and ditzy opening sequence to Konata and all her funny ways of playing video games instead of doing homework. I finish one episode and just can't help but start the next. Especially after watching number six. Oh that was just too funny with the Inital D reference and Kotana setting it up for the other girl to [spoiler]slip on the soap in the bath while teasing the other one since they didn't get hit on by guys while they were at the beach.[/spoiler] The whole series just cracks me up. Even the ever so serious conversations about how to eat and cook certain foods. lol And one other thing... It's one hundred percent BKstyles fault for introducing me to this show. I just can't get enough of it.:catgirl:[/COLOR]

[COLOR="goldenrod"][quote name='Allamorph;783664][FONT=Arial]Your major flaw is your structure. Your story is absolutely [I]riddled[/I] with fragments, and they're all the same kind. Don't feel like you've just failed at life, though 'cause you haven't; it's a fairly common problem from what I've seen. (Given that I haven't quite hit my second decade yet, that's one [I]heck[/I] of a lot, there. :p )[/FONT][/QUOTE]Heh, no worries, its hardly going to make me feel as if I fail. If anything it brings up the point where I've mentioned before that I struggle with grammar. It's the simple truth. I'll write something up, read it and know that something is off and yet I can't figure it out at times. ^_~ In many ways it really frustrates me a lot. I keep working on it though and compared to some of my first attempts I've improved quite a bit. But still, I've got a long ways to go. lol[quote name='Allamorph'][FONT=Arial']What I really want to know is where you did your writing at: paper or PC? I can't recall if I asked you this before somewhere, but I can't find anything about that right now, so I apologize if I'm asking you to repeat yourself. I'm thinking, though, that your first draft was typed from scratch, just from the way you repeat the same mistake.[/FONT][/quote]Ah, well this story actually has a bit of a history as to how it was written. I often have very vivid dreams that I keep notes on in a dream journal. So it started as notes from a dream I had several years ago. Then I took a regular pad and pencil and using those notes rewrote the dream as I remember it. Then I took that and typed it up on the computer and worked on it from there. There are things I added, things I left out, but for the most part the core of the story if you will came completely from the dream I had. So even if only in short notes, a huge percentage of what I write starts on paper and then moves completely to PC. Even the story for Silver One started the same way, from a dream I had years and years ago. Though it's long since evolved way beyond the initial concept I got from the dream. ^_~[quote name='Allamorph'][FONT=Arial]I won't bother you with a complete dissection of every little thing I see. You're probably sore enough at me as it is. I really liked the concept you brought together. It was a neat thought: the almost purgatorial "holding environment" before the recycling dimension, and a glimpse into the emotions of those caught in-between. The lack of typical resolution really ended the story right. Good job.[/FONT][/QUOTE]I wouldn't say I'm sore, but rather pleased that you took the time to give good constructive criticism. It really is hard for me to spot those type of errors. Especially grammar and punctuation. lol As well as the parts you pointed out that needed to be restructured to be more clear as to what was going on. I'm glad you liked the concept. Its something that I find extremely fascinating since it was such a strange and bizarre dream. As for the ending, I thought about toying with it but instead stuck with how it happened in the dream. I couldn't think of any other ending that would work. lol As for your comment about reading something similar before, couldn't tell ya. It is possible since our dreams are shaped by what we read, see, hear, etc. Or at least I think they are. ^_~ Anyway, thank you for taking the time to respond and point things out. I'm also glad to hear that you enjoyed reading the story. :catgirl: [B]EDIT: [/B]Oh as for suggesting that this phrase should have been a thought: [I]Wait… What happened to the water? [/I] It is, I just missed tagging it when I posted the story. ^_~[/COLOR]

[COLOR="goldenrod"][B]Name:[/B] Kendra A. Erickson [B]Gender:[/B] Female [B]Age:[/B] Thirty [B]Photograph:[/B] [URL="http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/6961161/"][U]Kendra[/U][/URL] Copyright herescapestock003 @ DeviantArt [B]Position:[/B] Co-pilot/engineer [B]Credentials:[/B] -5 years as a pilot. Creid planetary defenses, 5th division. -5 years as an engineer. Creid engineering services. -Extensive knowledge of most forms of space craft. [Most of this knowledge comes from when she served in the military before switching her career to engineering, since Kendra quickly found that she enjoyed fixing space ships more than she enjoyed flying them] -Kendra can fix just about anything related to space ships as well as air based ships as well. -No longer enlisted. [B]Reason for Applying:[/B] Kendra did not apply. She was approached by the CIF and offered the position. She's not sure why she accepted since Kendra likes her current job as an engineer. But in the end she said yes. Though now she's looking forward to it. [B]Living Immediate Family:[/B] -Kessa J. Erickson Fraternal twin sister 30 - Works for a law firm. [B]Other Expertise:[/B] -Has extensive knowledge of many types of space crafts from an engineering standpoint since studying the different ships by all races is a hobby of hers. -Basic weapons and combat knowledge from when she was in the military.[/COLOR]

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="goldenrod"][CENTER][SIZE="4"]The End of the Beginning [/SIZE][/CENTER] A lone figure stood forlornly in front of a circular window in the center of a worn metal wall, slowly tracing symbols with his right forefinger on the outer edge until a name appeared in the fogged pane. Lareth. Impatiently he wiped the window clean with his sleeve as he watched the deluge of rain coming down outside. A rain though heavy, not quite enough to hide a strange shimmer that could be seen between spurts of rain as the wind blew. Footsteps approached him from behind but Lareth did not turn. The soft shuffling sound was unmistakable. He did not need to turn to know that the one approaching moved with an undeniable grace. A softness of silk in spite of the simple woven cotton outfit she would be wearing. The faint metallic sound from her feet hitting the floor stopped as she stood behind him off to the right a bit. Then, reaching up with her left hand, resting it gently on his shoulder. ?[B]Won?t you come join us for dinner?[/B]? ?[B]Don?t you ever wonder what happens to those who are caught in the rain?[/B]? The hand withdrew from Lareth?s shoulder. He did not have to turn and look to see the tightening around her eyes and mouth as her expression changed to one of pain. Nor how her stance became tense, unhappy. Her reaction was always the same when those who were caught in the rain were brought up. They all shared it, every last one of them. They all knew what the rain meant. ?[B]Lareth, please. You do this every time the rain comes.[/B]? The voice wavered with tightly suppressed emotion, raw and painful. ?[B]I miss her just as much as you do.[/B]? Lareth winced at the ache in the voice that he cherished so much. A hurt that was as deep if not more so than his. He turned slowly but surely his brown eyes meeting with blue ones barely holding back the tears. With a sad smile he reached up with his right hand, gently pushing her soft silken blonde hair back in a gently caress. Resting his thumb along her cheek as he cupped the side of her face tenderly. ?[B]I have to know Saria. I have to understand what happened to Christine.[/B]? He paused choking on the thought. On the knowledge of their beautiful six-year-old daughter who had vanished six rains ago. ?[B]Please Lareth, I don?t want to lose you too.[/B]? Saria reached up and took his hand into hers as the tears started to flow. He pulled his hand free and then reached up with both hands, gently grasping the sides of her face as he kissed her softly and then with a parting ?[I]I love you?[/I] he let go. Lareth turned his back on his wife of so many years, a handful of steps, a door opened, and he was gone. Leaving the huge metal building behind after he spent a moment struggling to shut the door against the wind and the rain. Even through the downpour of rain he could see the massive metal buildings they now called home, each one resting on immense metal columns that rose above the ground. Connected by ramps and walkways between each structure. Twenty in all, they were a strange sight thrusting up into the gray skies. Lareth fought the wind and rain as he moved to head towards the fields where they grew food. Within moments he was completely soaked. [CENTER]**************************************************[/CENTER] They had only been on this strange world for ten years and yet it felt like an eternity. He, along with so many others, had been part of a group seeking a new home. Forty-seven ships strong they had set out, barely escaping the sun as it went supernova. All had gone well until they had entered this area of space. No one knew what happened or what caused the hyper drives of all forty-seven ships to fail simultaneously. Dragging them back into real space so close to an utterly bizarre and strange phenomenon that they barely had time to realize that it looked like nothing more than a colossal flat surface drifting in space. Seconds later they had their hands full as they crash-landed on the bizarre world, struggling just to survive the crash let alone figure out where they were or what had just happened. And when they emerged from that crash it was as if ancient lore had come to life as they found themselves on a world that truly was flat instead of round. With the strange buildings resting on massive metal columns shaped like giant balls. Resting at about a hundred feet above a surface that seemed to be made of ordinary dirt, with wild trees bearing strange fruit of the likes they had never seen. Each group of twenty buildings was separated by an unknown force field, like blocks on a grid, enclosed along the outermost edge by a similar field that though unrelenting to touch was nearly transparent. The sky itself open to the vastness of space. It was a wonder to behold, coexisting with space when the laws of the universe as they understood it indicated that such a place could not exist. What appeared to be a sun rose and set, seasons came and went. People could travel between all but the outermost barrier at certain points and food was plentiful, growing quickly and natively. In no time, upon realizing that their ships would never fly again, they had settled into their new home and way of life. There was more than enough room for all of them and though it was not what they would have chosen, they accepted it. The buildings had all that they needed to produce clothing as well as other basic necessities and even the seasons were mild. At night the view with no moon was breathtaking with all the stars filling the sky. And for the most part, people were content. But then the rains came. Each month for two days it would rain without stop. The crops were not affected and the timing was not precise. Sometimes it was only three weeks apart while other times it was as long as six weeks. But each and every time it was quick, sudden, taking those who were out in the fields and traveling between sections by surprise. Within moments people would vanish, stepping though large puddles while racing for cover only to be pulled under and never seen again. At first it was thought that they had drowned, but in ten years not one body had been found. Time and time again, the moment the rains had stopped and the water dried up, no amount of digging had ever found any bodies. Each and every futile attempt had resulted in hitting the same barrier that separated the sections after a certain depth was reached. And like the outermost barrier it too was unrelenting and unmoving. [CENTER]**************************************************[/CENTER] Lareth, upon reaching the end of the ramp that sloped downwards from the safety of the buildings, paused. Clutching the long metal rake that he had picked up along the way. They no longer had the weapons they had brought with them; most of them had been destroyed in the crash. Though in the beginning the remaining few made no difference, those who were armed that stepped into the puddles were pulled under to quickly for them to respond. Armed only with a makeshift weapon, as much as he wanted to know the truth, Lareth was still terrified. But he had to know; it had been six rains ago since Christine had been in the field with Lareth. She was not supposed to be there. But Christine had excitedly run out to show her papa the new drawing she had made for him. Before he could do more than scold her and pick her up to head back to the buildings the rains had come as they always came, swift and without warning. The black clouds appearing as if from nowhere to dump their cold burden upon the flat world they now inhabited within minutes of their appearance. Swiftly and as surely as possible Lareth had run for the safety of the buildings, avoiding the puddles that had begun to form. Clutching his daughter to him tightly. But in the hustle someone bumped into him causing him to go sprawling, Christine flying from his grasp to land right in the middle of one of the puddles. Before he could even do more than realize what had happened, like the others Christine was swiftly pulled into the water and vanished. Only the intervention of others who knew him kept him from attempting to enter the puddle to find her. They had grabbed him and dragged him screaming and kicking from the field to safety. Only waiting until it was obvious he would not head back out before letting go. Six rains ago, even more of an eternity than the ten years that they had been in this strange place. Lareth gripped the metal rake tightly, holding it before him as if it were a shield and then stepped onto the rain soaked ground. Trembling with each step as he headed towards the closest large puddle. Would he find out what had happened? Would he too vanish like the others? Hesitantly he thrust the rake into the puddle, dragging it along the bottom. But nothing happened and when he pulled it clear the rake was unchanged. He took another step closer, careful to avoid actually stepping in the water. Something was shaking the world with tremendous force and Lareth froze in panic until a moment later he realized that what was shaking was him. He took several deep breaths to steady himself and then raising the rake high above his head, he swung downwards with all his might. Hitting the puddle with all of his pent up rage and frustration, sending water flying in all directions. But still, nothing happened. With a terrible rush of grief he sank to his knees overcome with hopelessness as his tears mingled with the rain that was pouring down. [I]Why did I even come out here? No one ever returns. I should go back.[/I] The metal rake dropped from his nerveless fingers to fall to the ground, resting partially in the puddle. [I]Why? Why did it have to be Christine? [/I] Lareth was too overcome with grief to notice the tiny stirring near the center of the puddle, or the ripples that moved in his direction. And when metal ropes an inch thick moved like snakes that were alive shot out of the water, wrapping themselves around him before dragging him under, he barely had time to realize that something was indeed there. He was already engulfed in darkness by the time he could even attempt to respond. Pure panic struck instantly, sending adrenaline rushing through his veins as he tried and failed to free himself. He opened his mouth to scream only to stop when water rushed in. He tried to open his eyes to see where he was but only darkness met his gaze. Whatever had grabbed him was pulling him downwards at a terrible rate and he began to feel faint from the effort to stay conscious. [I]My god! Christine! Saria![/I] Just as he would have lost consciousness whatever had him let go and he felt himself tumbling as if in freefall. Taking in deep gasping breaths of air, since he could hold his breath no longer. Wait? What happened to the water? Terrified he opened his eyes in fear momentarily lost to what was before him. [I][SIZE="3"][B]It? it? it?s not possible![/B][/SIZE][/I] Lareth was tumbling in space! Air rushing past his face as he fell away from what appeared to be the bottom of the flat world they now called home. [I]How is this possible? Why am I not dead?[/I] So many questions flooded his mind as the terrible fear increased. Was this what had happened to Christine? Had she too been dragged from the surface to the underworld and set adrift? [I]Saria! [/I] Tears flowed down his face as he watched the place he had called home become smaller with each passing moment. As once again the laws of the universe as he understood it was ignored. No human should have survived being tossed into space; there shouldn?t be any air or heat to keep him warm. When he could no longer see the world, Lareth was wracked with sobs as he covered his face with his hands. [I]I should have listened to Saria. I should not have gone to the fields.[/I] He fell for what seemed like hours through the vast expanse of space, wondering with each passing moment why he still lived. Was Christine still falling? Did she still live? Lareth removed his hands and looked around, desperate for any sign of life. But these thoughts were cut short as something began to take shape, to take form as he came closer to it with each moment. Little pinpricks of light that grew brighter as well as hints of a crystalline shaped structure made of metal sprawling as far as the eye could see. Leaving him wondering just what he was falling too. As he grew closer and the imperceptible impression of movement began to register, movement that appeared humanoid in appearance. Hope blossomed, cutting through the despair that he had been sinking into. [I]Is Christine here? Is she still alive?[/I] He started crying again, this time tears of joy that she might still be alive. Though that too was cut short as something detached itself from the city and flew towards him with tremendous speed. Leaving him breathless as he hovered between feelings of hope and terror. Even if Christine still lived, Saria was still back at their new home. In ten years, no one had ever returned. He would never see her again. Then the time for speculation was over, within mere seconds the object approaching became clear. It was a metal cage of some kind and Lareth was helpless to stop it from moving in and simply closing around him as he fell. Trapping him in a rectangular shaped cage of bars barely big enough for him to fit in. With the sounds of metal locks snapping into place the cage shuddered briefly and then in the next instant Lareth was flattened against the back as it picked up speed and began the return journey to the unknown city. As it got closer the city began to take shape, like a massive honey comb of walkways and jutting points, it spread out from a central point with spider like arms in all directions. People of all types as well as aliens from races Lareth had never seen before were in constant movement. Carrying tiny glowing orbs and carefully placing them in slots along the walkways, removing ones that were dim and replacing them with ones that were glowing brightly. [I]What is this place?[/I] He turned his attention to a large platform jutting out at one of the outer edges of the nearest walkway, the cage swiftly flew towards it, slowing down at the last possible moment and then coming to a rest. Leaving him in an upright position hanging onto the bars desperately. [CENTER]**************************************************[/CENTER] A robed figure was approaching the cage, its face hidden by the deep cowl hanging down from the top of its head. Lareth braced himself, suddenly engulfed in darkness as he closed his eyes without thinking. Wondering why it was dark until he realized that the darkness was of his own making. Slowly he opened his eyes back up, jerking backwards and banging his head against the cage in a futile attempt to pull back when he saw that the figure was standing right before the cage he was trapped in. His heart pounding so fiercely that he was certain that if someone were to touch him he would explode, taking them with him. Several times he tried to speak and failed. ?[B]W..w?where am I? Who are you? Where is Christine?[/B]? As if a dam had broken the questions spilled forth as well as the tears of uncertainty. Lareth could not stop the them; the fear of what was going to happen holding him in its terrible grasp. ?[B]Who am I?[/B]? A deep voice emerged from under the cowl, raspy and cold, as it penetrated Lareth to the bone. Chilling him as he shook in fear. ?[B]I am no one. Just as you are now no one like all who reside here.[/B]? ?[B]I? I don?t understand.[/B]? The robed figure ignored Lareth?s question circling around him, measuring him by some unknown factor. It moved slowly until finally it was back facing him again. Slowly it reached up with its right hand extending a finger to touch him on the forehead. Ignoring Lareth?s whimpers of fear as he tried to pull back, closing his eyes tightly. Then a moment later, it pulled back, it?s hand slipping back under the robe as its arm fell to its side. ?[B]Now do you see?[/B]? Hesitantly Lareth opened his eyes, going still at what was before him. Millions of lights similar to the glowing orbs in the walkway were everywhere, floating slowly towards the center of the strange city to join with what appeared to be a huge mass of them gathered together in the center. He strained to look around as best as he could, as far as the eye could see the lights were there, all of them heading towards the center of the city. ?[B]What are they? The lights?[/B]? The figure turned a bit motioning to someone out of sight before turning back to answer Lareth. ?[B]They are the souls of all sentient life forms. They are the life force that powers the universe, as you understand it. When they lose the connection to the physical world they come here.[/B]? Lareth still did not understand, was it saying this was heaven or hell? He did not want to know and yet he could not help but ask. ?[B]Am I in hell?[/B]? ?[B]There is no hell nor heaven as you understand it. All energy starts here and ends here. Like the rift that your ships fell through, all energy returns to the universe in the same manner when the time is right. If not for landing in one of the old grounds you would have come here immediately.[/B]? It stopped, snapping its fingers. The cage unlocked itself, releasing Lareth as it fell to the platform and then merged with it as if never existed to begin with. Leaving him standing there, wondering what was going to happen next. ?[B]Old grounds?[/B]? ?[B]The world from when the universe first came to be, where all life started before being set lose. Once you arrived we began the cleansing program but it seems others before you found a way to avoid it, creating a place of safety. Still it does not matter. Now that you are here you cannot leave this place in your current state, however knowing you cannot leave only leads to madness and instability. No life is immune.[/B]? It snapped its fingers again causing Lareth to jump when a firm and utterly adamant hand came down on his shoulder and drove him painfully to the cold platform, his knees protesting at the sudden pain from the harsh contact. He turned to look and once again jumped with surprise when another hand came down on his other shoulder, holding him in place, all he could see were robes similar to what the creature in front of him wore. Yet another creature approached delivering the greatest shock yet, bringing tears to his eyes. The tiny slender form of a child wearing similar robes, carrying a slender band of metal in her hands; a child with silken blonde hair just like her mother, her eyes now blank and unseeing, unmoved by his pleas, no longer recognizing her own name. She ignored his desperate cries and tears, moving to place the metal band around Lareth?s neck. ?[B]Christine,[/B]? He cried one last time as she placed the slim band of metal around his neck. A band that upon closer inspection, Lareth realized that she too was wearing. Upon contact something changed in the way Lareth was feeling as he watched Christine simply turn and walk away. He tried to think about it, to understand what he felt. It didn?t feel any colder. But suddenly he felt colder, deep down inside, like he used to feel as a kid when he was coming down with a cold. It was a cold that, unchecked, could go all the way to the bone. It was chilling him, numbing him to his surroundings and he fought it will all that he was, one final word coming out. ?[B]Why?[/B]? ?[B]I told you, in your current state you cannot leave. Nor can I make your time come any quicker. When one falls between the cracks as you have, all we can do is put you to use. Separating you from your memories is necessary. In time you will move on, but until then this for your own good.[/B]? Lareth fell forward landing hard on his hands when he was released. He tried to reach up to remove the metal band but seconds later he could no longer feel his body anymore. Then as darkness took over; he mindlessly stood up and moved to join the others in their labors, all of his memories of who and what he had been, were no more. [/COLOR][/FONT] [SIZE="1"] [B]Notes:[/B] Just to clarify for the judges. This was done in Word with Comic Sans font at size 11. Making the story seven pages with just a bit more. Fitting into the 7-8 page requirement. ^_~[/SIZE]

[COLOR="goldenrod"][CENTER][IMG]http://img510.imageshack.us/img510/6603/zero01xa0.jpg[/IMG][/CENTER] In Zero no Tsukaima those who can use magic are a mage or noble. Anyone one else is considered a commoner and therefore is subservient. Louise Françoise Le Blanc de La Vallière a student at the Tristain Academy is referred to ?Zero Louise? since any attempt to perform magic goes stunningly wrong. Often resulting in a huge disaster. However on the day where mages summon their protector/familiar, instead of a creature, which is what most mages summon, Louise summons an Earthling called Saito Hiraga. Who she and everyone else mistakes for a commoner, and since second attempts are not allowed, she?s stuck with him. Humiliated in front of the other students for having summoned a commoner instead of a true protector, Louise treats Saito like any other summoned creature, making him sleep on the floor and eat leftovers. As well as thinking nothing of changing her clothing with him in the room, or expecting him to dress her in the mornings to prepare for the day. But that changes when Saito accepts a challenge from a noble who dislikes commoners and because Saito exposed the fact that he was [spoiler]two-timing a couple of other mages/nobles.[/spoiler] At first he is beaten badly, that is until he is given a sword. Bringing into to play powers he has as Louise?s familiar. [CENTER] [IMG]http://img510.imageshack.us/img510/6537/zero02ur0.jpg[/IMG][/CENTER] This whole show reeks of innuendos and fan service in how certain characters are drawn and the very first episode is full of the usual implications with the principal of the school being a complete and total pervert as he casually walks behind his assistant just so he can [spoiler]put his hand on her rear. As well as sending his familiar, a mouse, under the table and up the chair so it can peek at her underwear and come back and tell him what she?s wearing. [/spoiler] At first it seemed rather boring but then it picked up once Louise had summoned Saito. I?ve gotten through the first two episodes and even though some of the innuendos aren?t my thing, the rest of it is rather funny. [/COLOR]

[COLOR="goldenrod"][center][b]BKstyles and SunfallE present a...[/b] [IMG]http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b191/Bklynstyles/bksunfall.jpg[/IMG] [SIZE=1]Banner by [URL=http://www.otakuboards.com/member.php?u=24392][COLOR=goldenrod][U]Disenchanted[/U][/COLOR][/URL] [/SIZE] [B]*************************[/B] [IMG]http://img244.imageshack.us/img244/6206/projectstarship02fd3.jpg[/IMG] --------------------------------------------[/center] ?[B]I believe that this is really the only option gentlemen, so far we have chosen three to serve on the team but we need more.[/B]? An older gray haired man in what was clearly a military uniform of some type was saying. Before him was a large screen, the faces of the other three who represented the other strongest nations displayed separately and yet together. He leaned back a bit in the oversized chair behind an ornate desk before continuing to address those on the screen. ?[B]Unless we wish to change the nature of the treaty among our people, a team of specialists is really the best solution. We?ve kept to the policy that any and all military activity in other territories is expressly forbidden and I for one would like to keep it that way. We don?t want to start another incident like last time.[/B]? ?[B]And who?s fault was that gentlemen?[/B]? A graceful woman asked. ?[b]Besides I?m not completely happy with Colonel DeSouza being a member of the team let alone the Commanding Officer. He may know his stuff but he has been known to allow his emotions to get the better of him.[/b] ?[B]Please, lets not start that again.[/B]? One of the others said in a pained voice. ?[B]Regardless of what you think, it?s better to have someone who isn?t afraid to disregard orders when the situation arises. That?s part of the problem; we need people who can think for themselves. Which incidentally is why a team just for these types of situations is perfect. Each one of us can suggest personnel that we feel are the most qualified. And at any time if one of us feels someone is not working out we can request a replacement.[/B]? They paused meaningfully. ?[b]So I say Colonel DeSouza is perfect since Ms. Henderson will balance that. She?s always been objective and not afraid to make unpopular decisions.[/b] ?[B]So it?s settled then?[/B]? The remaining one who had been silent finally said. ?[B]I?m of the opinion that both DeSouza and Henderson are a good choice. As well as the agreement that this really is the only solution. Equipping a small team with not only the proper equipment but also the authority to travel between territories at will is ideal. And by restricting them to a smaller vessel it would be clear that it is not military in nature, though it goes without saying that part of the crew will need to be from the military.[/B]? He sighed just a tiny bit. ?[b]In the end, even though she?s does not hold a position of authority. Kendra Erickson will also balance things out between the other two. I thought that was why we picked them, each one has expertise that the other does not. Seriously, we?ve been over this time and time again. We need to simply pick the rest of the crew and get this started! Especially since no one can agree on anyone besides those three![/b]? The one who had first spoken looked at each one in turn. ?[B]Unless anyone objects, it?s decided. Start looking through your files for those you think are best suited for the assignment. Once we have a list we can make our choices for the rest of the crew. Any other concerns? Good, send me your recommendations people, we still need a pilot, a scientist who is also a mechanic, a foreign-relations expert, one who is well versed in multiple languages and cultures, two military officers with combat training and one medic to patch them up should the need arise. Once you have your choices we?ll decide whom else to add to the team. Keep in touch.[/B]? [CENTER]--------------------------------------------[/CENTER] Currently through out the vast reaches of space, there are four prominent nations. The Ceruleans, the Sanarks, the Narisyans, and The Creids . In time each of them eventually formed a very loose alliance or federation in order to ensure peaceful coexistence. For the most part this peace is well maintained, people travel between nations and the space associated with each in order to trade, associate and explore. While developing current relations as well as exploring new ones since there are other smaller nations who though not a part of the federation still live alongside them as their sovereignty is respected by those who are more powerful. However as this federation continues to extend their reach throughout the vast reaches of space. This exploration has given rise to more and more curious events that are now being seen as well as new wonders being discovered. But some are far from simple and in time it became apparent that a different approach was needed to deal with the strange and odd situations that arose. To do so the federation has decided to form a group of specialists who?s sole task will be to deal with such occurrences. So far three have already been chosen: [b]An Expedition leader[/b]: Brianna Henderson - Played by indifference [b]A Commanding Officer[/b]: Marcus T. DeSouza - Played by BKstyles [b]A Co-pilot/engineer[/b]: Kendra A. Erickson - Played by SunfallE But more is needed? [CENTER]--------------------------------------------[/CENTER] Welcome to [b]Project Starship[/b]. The CIF (Collective Intergalactic Federation) in response to strange and unexplained incidents that the military has been unable to solve is forming a team of experts to handle such situations. Normally any and all phenomena is handled by each nations own military, but at times there are things so strange so bizarre that all attempts to find an answer have lead to disaster. Most notably when those of the military of a sister nation have been called in to help. For most citizens feel strongly that such help is unacceptable. As a result, in the past such attempts to help were misinterpreted and nearly lead to war. But even though war was avoided, strange and mysterious events still plague many of the nations. In an effort to avoid the mistakes of the past those who represent the four strongest nations have agreed to work together in forming a small team. One who?s sole purpose will be to handle what the military could not. To investigate those mysterious events and odd occurrences to determine the cause and to find a solution. To take on exploration projects into known and unknown space and planets that are considered too dangerous. In just a short time they will be reviewing the list of possible candidates for this special team. Though small, each member will be crucial to the team?s success. It was decided in the end that there would be nine. An Expedition leader, a Commanding Officer, a pilot, a co-pilot/engineer, a scientist/mechanic, a foreign-relations expert one versed in multiple languages and cultures, two military officers with combat training and one medic. In addition to those who have already been chosen it has been opened for others to apply. To be a part of this elite team of specialists. [center]--------------------------------------------[/center] Time for the sign ups to be a part of this team of explorers. As you can see we still need: [center]- a pilot - a scientist/mechanic - a foreign-relations expert who is versed in multiple languages and cultures (requirements are meant for in-game of course, we are not looking for someone who knows Chinese, german, italian, etc :p) - two military officers with combat training - one medic. [/center] To be considered for this assignment we need to know the following: [b]Name[/b]: Pretty much anything you want is fine [b]Gender[/b]: Self Explanatory [b]Age[/b]: Eighteen and up [b]Photograph[/b]: Or a good description will do [b]Position[/b]: Which one you are applying for. [b]Credentials[/b]: Example: -Jupiter Air Force 12 years -Knowledge of fighter jet, cargo jumpers, and stealth bombers -Multiple record commendations and three rank promotions. -Etc, make it sound believable [b]Reason for Applying[/b]: Example: I want to travel the galaxy, go further then normal limitations and make history rather then sit by and let it pass me by. Blah Blah?something admirable here, something persuasive here, I take up little space, I?ll take the last peanut so nobody argues over it. [b]Living Immediate Family[/b]: -Full name / Relationship [b]Other Expertise[/b] (if same as one of the open positions, you cannot be as well versed in it as those in the position are, i.e if you are an engineer, you will not be as knowledgeable as insert SunfallE?s character, etc.): And there you have it. Once the applications are received they will be reviewed and a crew at that point will be chosen.[/COLOR]

[COLOR="goldenrod"]Hmmm... Well I never bothered to put the city in my profile but I too live in Provo, Utah. Fairly close to Aaryanna since her and that fluff ball of hers spend a lot of time at my place. And just like she said it's a very high percentage of Mormon's around here. Though I suppose that's due to BYU since members come from all over the USA to attend university there, since it's owned by the church. Still compared to the rest of the state we have the highest percentage. It's what my parents are and my father worked for BYU for over thirty years before retiring. Though I haven't been part of any religion for over 16 years. Anyway... There's lots of great stuff to do, we've got good malls, theaters and my favorite store: Borders. I've no idea how many fast food place we have since I really don't eat fast food very often. Though I see them all the time. A lot of my favorite places are actually up in Salt Lake City though and since they put the light rail system in I'll drive up, park at the end of the line and just take it to downtown since it's quicker and cheaper than paying for parking. Oh and Panda, depending on when the Wal-Mart in Moses Lake was built, it's entirely possible that I've actually delivered frozen goods to your town. At the very least I've been by that way many times. Though I delivered to so many Wal-Mart's that I don't remember if I actually did at Moses Lake or not. At least not without digging out all my records to take a look. lol [/COLOR]

[COLOR="goldenrod"]It depends on which time I went as to whether or not it's a horror. lol The first time for my basic license it wasn't too bad. Naturally my mom took me since I couldn't drive myself. What was more grueling was getting my CDL. Several months of going to school five days a week all day long like a job, working with instructors who taught me how to drive a semi as well as teaching me everything I needed to know for the exams. The course cost $3000 to take. Though most trucking companies will pay for that as an incentive to get you to work for them. There are also (6) additional written examinations covering endorsements such as combination vehicles, double/triple trailers, air brakes, passengers, hazardous materials, tankers, etc. You only have to pass the endorsement examinations that apply to your driving requirements. You will also be given a Driving Skills examination, which includes some instructor grading you as you drive though the city on a predetermined route known only to him/her, the major portion of which, involves pre-trip, en-route, and post-trip inspections and basic control skills. So it takes quite a bit to get that Commercial Driver's License. The only endorsement I never got was for passenger since I don't drive buses or school buses. That and I didn't want to fork out an additional $150 for the class since the truck company who paid for my training didn't cover that. You don't need the passenger endorsement for a Semi. Oh and the worst part? Naturally I took the course during the winter. So I froze all the time. Except for when I was in that classroom in the DMV taking those tests. Any other trip for whatever reason has never been that big of a deal. Most of what you need to do can be done online. Though I do have to get my bi-annual exam in a few months if I want to keep that CDL. Though you go to a doctor's office for that, not the DMV. Oh and if you're wondering, Most of this stuff is all done at the same building, registration you name it. It's all in one huge building here where I live instead of separated like other areas are. Heh[/COLOR]

[COLOR="goldenrod"]Risha was annoyed. There was no getting around it. When she had found that damn book and ended up with two bizarre people referring to themselves as Adjutants calling her master, she had not expected to have one of them virtually tagging along with her at all times. At first she had thought that they were kidding but as time went by she found that they were not and as she closed the door to her apartment, she didn't even have to look around to know that Yuliya was still there. With a sigh she walked over to the sofa and sat down. "[B]Don't you have something better to do? After all you both said I would be summoning you and since I acquired that damn book I haven't consciously summoned either one of you. So why are you here? Neither one of you have given me an answer to that yet.[/B]" "[B]It's too soon to tell you that. For now think of it as strengthening the bond between us. The bond will exist regardless but for all intents and purposes we are bound to you.[/B]" Yuliya leaned back a bit against the chest as she often did. "[B]Besides, I know you haven't forgotten that unless Victor or I choose it, no one else but you can see us.[/B]" A comment that was followed by Yuliya vanishing as if made from smoke. "[B]Exactly,[/B]" Victor spoke up as he took Yuliya's place. "[B]It's not like you have anything to be ashamed of.[/B]" He walked over and took a seat next to Risha reaching up with his right forefinger, placing it under her chin, making her look directly at him until with a blush she pulled away. [I]Damn him! [/I]With a snarl of irritation she got up and stalked over to the window and looked out. Still unconvinced by his statement that if he had known it would bother her to realize he was in the same room when she took a shower, then he would have turned his back. Not to mention that even though since then both of them had stayed just outside the door, it still made her blush hotly just to think about it. Or how she had screamed at the surprise of it all, bringing others in the apartment complex to her door alarmed that something was happening to her. Risha took a moment to get herself back under control before turning back to face Victor, but he was gone and Yuliya was in his place. [I]I wish I understood why they keep switching like that, or why they can't be here at the same time. [/I] It was the oddest feeling since this whole mess with the book had happened. Even if only one was there at any given time, she could always feel the other as if they were somehow connected to her. "[B]It's time Risha,[/B]" Yuliya said with a formal bow. She opened her mouth to ask her just what she meant when without warning she found herself in a room quite similar to the one where she had gotten her book from. Too startled to say much of anything other than to wonder just what this trial was that was being hinted at. There were others there and it seemed that like her they too were bound to an Adjutant. Risha wanted to say something, she wanted to at least try to understand what was going on. Even if most of them looked like teenagers. One looked more like he was her age with blonde hair and blue eyes and a hint of a British accent when he spoke. But something inside her snapped. A feeling she was well acquainted with as she felt herself withdraw into herself. "[B]Excellent,[/B]" Yuliya whispered from behind. "[B]You can't afford to be distracted by others or getting to know them. Your trial will require the up most concentration. You can get to know them later. Perhaps.[/B]" "[B]Are you saying I shouldn't trust them.[/B]" Risha asked softly, to keep her voice from carrying. "[B]Not at all.[/B]" Victor said as he took Yuliya's place. "[B]Only that you will need to be focused on what will come next.[/B]" She turned to face Victor but he was gone and Yuliya was in his place. "[B]I really wish you two wouldn't do that so much, switching all the time. It's very annoying.[/B]" Yuliya just looked surprised. "[B]Haven't you realized it yet? You're the one who determines just which one of us is here at any given time. It's your own indecisiveness that results in us switching all the time. Remember, you summon us, not the other way around. Besides perhaps you should talk to one of them. It just might calm your nerves. A bit.[/B]" Risha turned back to face the others, several of them already having broken off into groups to talk to one another.[I] I want answers, not idle conversation.[/I] She thought stubbornly as she stayed put. If only the one who had said they were here for a trial hadn't disappeared. She would have liked to ask him a thing or two. [/COLOR]

[COLOR="goldenrod"]So much had happened, making it hard for both Celestia and Jason to keep track of what was going on. Since James had moved her and Jason along with Matt to another lab they had been working on a routine to analyze how the code of a council member accessed the data vaults. Specifically a code of a faction's leader since their code over rode the other four members of that faction that were on the High Council. The actual work wasn't all that hard, but it was time consuming and tedious. It was by far the most complicated routine she had ever tried to write and even with Jason and Matt's help they kept running into problems. The very nature of accessing the data vaults was strictly designed to keep any and all intrusions out. "[B]Jason,[/B]" Celestia said as she finished getting ready for bed. "[B]Don't you find this whole situation rather odd?[/B]" "[B]How so?[/B]" Celestia crawled into bed and moved over until Jason put his right arm around her shoulder as she rested her head against him. "[B]It's just that I don't get it. They were more than willing to do research to alter the other races to make them passive and yet they are against doing it to themselves.[/B]" Jason just laughed, "[B]Celestia, our own people are guilty of doing that. Remember at one time we enslaved other humans, treating them like animals.[/B]" He kissed her gently on the forehead. "[B]Not everyone is like you, unwilling to treat others in a manner they wouldn't like to be treated.[/B]" "[B]I know, I still don't understand. And frankly I hope I never do. But more than anything, I just want to go back home and settle down. I want to see how Sara and Glenn are doing.[/B]" With a sigh Jason pulled her closer, holding her tight. "[B]You and me both. Just as I wonder how Daniel and William are doing. I also wonder about Erica Kendrick, by now she must be dead. High Council member or not I can't imagine that they'll be forgiving towards one of their own leading the resistance.[/B]" "[B]I would have liked to have met her.[/B]" Celestia said with a wistful smile. "[B]I can only imagine how hard it must have been to work from within to try and change things.[/B]" "[B]Me too.[/B]" Jason said even as he started shifting a bit to get comfortable. Tired from having spent so long in the lab that day. They talked for a bit before finally falling asleep. [CENTER]---------------------------------------------[/CENTER] Stevens was far from amused. Even though things were going as well as could be expected and Kiva had accepted the request to assist in sector fourteen, things were still chaotic. He needed something to show the people that things were being take care of.[I] I wonder if the crew James has actually going through the data vaults that we have the access code for is done? [/I] He had read a report yesterday that one of them had information that indicated an awareness of the illegal mental modifications that had been done. Stevens contacted James who answered immediately. "[B]Ah, Stevens, I was just about to contact you. The team I have working on reviewing the data in the vaults is finished with the one that was under suspicion.[/B]" "[B]Well, go on! Don't keep me waiting.[/B]" Stevens snapped when James paused and then didn't continue. "[B]It's simple, even though the information is circumstantial in nature, a confession is all you need. At this point I am going to recommend that the Council member in question be interrogated. Starting with the drugs since I'm of the opinion that using torture would be ill advised unless there is no other option.[/B]" "[B]Bah![/B]" Stevens waving his hand as if dismissing James's concerns. "[B]Those fools hardly deserve such consideration. However, since it is likely that most of them are innocent, at least as far as this goes, I will do as you suggest. I want you to make the arrangements for them to be transfered to the Conqueror since I intend to oversee that interrogation myself.[/B]" He smiled nastily. "[B]Besides, I'm sure the threat of being handed over to Jared is more than enough to get them to tell me what I want to know. Especially since in the end, if that's what it takes, it's exactly what I'll do.[/B]" "[B]Stevens,[/B]" James said warningly. "[B]Oh stuff it James.[/B]" Stevens snapped in a rare moment of anger. "[B]You know damn well that if I did that it would be because there was no other choice. I didn't get this uniform by sleeping around despite the rumors. I would have thought that by now you'd have figured that out.[/B]" "[B]Very well then, I'll make the arrangements for the Council member in question to be transfered immediately. James out.[/B]" Irritated Stevens switched the terminal off and then got up and went to stand where he could watch the view of the home world. This whole mess was irritating as hell and he was tired of dealing with it. Or rather he was tired of it interfering with what little free time he had for himself. At the moment he may as well be celibate since he barely had time to sleep let alone have time for anything else. Stevens couldn't help but laugh at that thought. [I]I should be worrying over other things.[/I] Still, it was maddening to be so close to so many that he enjoyed spending time with and yet not have the time for it. With a sigh he turned and went back to the desk. The longer he moped around the less time he would have should the opportunity arise to take a little time off.[/COLOR]

[COLOR="goldenrod"]I love the beach, that's the one thing I miss from when I lived in California. I loved that every day I got up and went to work the ocean was my view upon leaving the house or that the drive home was of the sun setting on the waves. And all the hours I spent just lounging around on the sand and listening to the water was fantastic. I've never been into surfing or much in the way of swimming, but I still loved going there. Oh and I do swim just in a pool not the ocean. Now my trips to the beach are reduced to when I go and visit relatives in Beaverton Orgeon. Since after I'm done there I go with my family to Seaside and spend a few days there before heading home. We always pick one of the hotels right along the beach. I love the view and sleeping at night with the balcony sliding door open and listening to the waves. As well as taking long walks along the beach before heading back in for the day. When I retire, I want to get a nice cozy little beach house and waste lots of hours sitting on the front porch listening to the ocean and enjoying the sea air. :catgirl:[/COLOR]

[COLOR="goldenrod"][quote name='Allamorph'][FONT=Arial]Excuse, excuses. :p[/FONT][/QUOTE]No, honesty, when something is run together it feels like I'm holding my breath to get to the end instead of having a pause. Picture that mentally if you will. It's a turn off to me when it comes to reading. I [I]like [/I]structure. As for the story, to be honest, I'm gonna have to say I didn't care for it. It's an interesting concept but I've never cared for that style of writing. Just ask Allamorph *pokes* I don't like Tolkien or Shakespeare for pretty much the same reason. I even find Terry Brooks annoying at times for that very same thing and I like his books. So please don't take it personal, I do think you've done a nice job and it was interesting to read. But it was overly descriptive and about a third of the way in I was ready to be done. *waits for Allamorph to sail in and smack her for being honest* More importantly, don't let me stop you from writing. After all, in no way does my personal taste reflect on your ability to write well. ^_~[/COLOR]

[COLOR="goldenrod"][quote name='Shy'][size=1]"Dear God, let me curse on OB again." Hm. :whoops: -Shy[/size][/QUOTE]Hehe, that is an odd thing to pray for I must say. I must admit I'm glad it's fixed though, if only to preserve those few cuss words in Silver One. Because even though they didn't, I still thought those asterisks looked painfully stupid. >_< But I'm even happier that I don't have to go back through and fix the posts. Since I would have had to hunt for them, there wasn't a lot to begin with. Heh. :catgirl: Anyway, regardless of how it worked out. Thanks for fixing it Des by virtue of installing the plug-in.[/COLOR]

[COLOR="goldenrod"][quote name='songsofsorrow']just wondering what your anti-drugs were/are.[/QUOTE]That would be are, since I've never done illegal drugs. ;) But probably the thing that keeps me from even being tempted would be all the horrid car wrecks I saw when I was working as a truck driver. Most of them were from normal mistakes and plenty were from drunk drivers, but those handful caused by someone who was wasted do stand out. Though plenty of other ones were pretty awful as well. Still, I've seen everything from cars completely crushed when the people are still inside crushed as well, to body parts strewn all over the freeway. It's not pretty. It's annoying as all get out since unlike smaller cars that can be diverted easily, you can't reroute a semi all the time, so often I've had no choice but to drive through a very narrow corridor past the accident in question when I would have rather gotten off the freeway and taken a detour. I'm not saying all illegal drug use leads to that, but I've no interest in being a part of something that's better off left alone to begin with. And I'd certainly wouldn't mind seeing a decrease in car accidents regardless of the cause. There wasn't a day I drove that I didn't see at least one or two accidents. [/COLOR]

[COLOR="goldenrod"][quote name='BKstyles'][FONT="Tahoma"]Damn you sunflower, you have no idea how glad i'd be to write an article on those. [/FONT][/QUOTE]Well if you really want it that's fine by me. ^_~ I'd have no problem doing [I]Guide To Becoming An Internet Superstar At OtakuBoards - An Essay[/I] instead. Because honestly I don't mind at all. Especially if its something you'd really like to do an article on. [/COLOR]

[COLOR="goldenrod"]All right, I was planning on saying this before your comment in the thread in the Otaku Lounge, but the biggest thing that turns me off to reading what you've posted is that it's all run together. No breaks between paragraphs, no separation of conversation, etc. So I see it and the first reaction is meh, I don't want to try and keep this straight. And to be honest I haven't. Because I don't like trying to do that. I like things broken into paragraphs and such since that just makes it easier for me to read. So my suggestion would be to re-do the format to make it more appealing to readers. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but I really dislike things that run together. [B]EDIT:[/B] Also, when I first started working on my Silver One story, I made the same mistake, running things together a little too much and that was the first thing my readers complained about. Since for me it was easy to keep track of since it was my story, but for them it was not. And now that it's been a couple of years since that started I have to agree with them. It's far preferable if there is at least some structure to make it flow a little better. ^_~[/COLOR]

[COLOR="goldenrod"]Well since I commented a few times in the thread I'm a little confused before it was removed I'll take those last two. Since I remember enough to give a little bit of a summary. as to what went down. I'll get started on it. ^_^ As for suggestions. I really don't have any since I thought the first edition looked fantastic. :catgirl:[/COLOR]