Missa

I've experienced deja vu plenty of times, nothing so important that I can remember. I think I've had visions before...It happens when I'm sitting still and staring into space, thinking about the insignificant. Then I will see something so real and vivid, that I don't think that I was dreaming... Had several precognitive dreams. When I was about thirteen I dreamt that my best friend and I were in a house that I did not recognize. I specifically remembered the kitchen in particular, it was painted blue-green. There were two men in the kitchen with us. I couldn't see either of their faces, but one had blonde hair and the other had dark hair. Recently, my best friend (the same best friend from my teenage years) met a man. He is blonde, and his roomate has dark hair. The kitchen in their house is painted blue-green. It was very, very strange. We had to resist the urge to hum the theme from "The Twilight Zone." I don't know if this actually means anything. I didn't seem to hit it off with the roomate, and my friend has been telling me how her relationship is starting to fail. Oh well...

This is one of those questions that I don't think I could answer unless it actually happened. I would like to think that if someone promised me an outrageous amount of money if I did something immoral, I would stick to my beliefs and hold on to my dignity. Then again, I know that people can be pretty weak given the right circumstances, and I don't consider myself to be that different from the general population.

My last boyfriend admitted, after almost two years of dating, that he didn't feel like he really knew or understood me. I actually agreed with this statement, because I didn't feel like he knew me or understood me either. This is one of the many reasons we are no longer together. That's what I want. A man who will try to get to know me, the real me, and not the person I present to general public. A man who will at least try understand that there is a reason for me to think the way I think and do what I do. He'll probably have to be patient and persistent, because getting to know the real me isn't very easy. It's not that I'm overly complex, I'm just quiet. If I believe that someone really isn't interested in hearing what I have to say, normally I won't say it. Who I am has to be dragged out of me with a relentless string of questions. I also consider myself to be a very open-minded person, so I would like to meet a man who is as open-minded as I. I'd like a man who can confront his problems with a calm, rational demeanor. (How are we supposed to discuss the issues that are sure to arise if he can't stop yelling?) I would like him to be honest, in a gentle way. (I believe that no matter what you have to say, there is a nice way to say it.) I would like to meet a man who wants a relationship and understands what love really is. I've played the games, and I've decided I'm a little too old to play them anymore. I could probably sit here and write a sixteen page letter. But I won't. I've listed the essentials.

I like to avoid conflict. Most of the time, the little things don't iritate me, and when they do, you won't know it. (I try to keep the peace by hiding how I feel.) The big things...Well, it's strange actually. I've noticed that in the worst circumstances, instead of getting upset, I do the opposite. It's like I've magically tapped into a supply of endless patience and peace. Weird... To make me angry, you really have to work at it. You have to annoy me almost every day. I have to believe that you have some major, uncommon personality flaw that keeps you from acting like I civilized human being. Work at it enough and my replies will start to get snappy, though I won't really unleash my unholy wrath. I will only explode when you have exhausted my very last oz. of patience. I can count all my explosions on one hand. Yay me...

Cigarettes. (Yes. Stupid. I know.) Iced sweet tea. There are at least two gallons of tea in my refrigerator at all times. I believe that my employers are both cheap and inconsiderate, because our vending machine does not contain Lipton Brisk or Nestea. Sometimes, while I am at work, I will suddenly thirst for tea and then experience something similiar to a nicotine withdrawl. I will then be forced to drive to the nearest gas station to purchase tea. It is absolutely ridiculous. The internet. I bought a new computer about a month ago, and since then I have spent a ridiculous amount of time, each day, surfing the net. I like to blame my current addiction on my previous lack of internet access. This wouldn't be such a problem if I hadn't had to drive to the office every time I wanted to get on the internet, for the past three years.