Lady Macaiodh

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by satan665 [/i] I know I am not a god to my pet, actually i think my cat thinks that she is my god. She sure doesn't clean up her own litter box or pay for her own food. She also occasionally attacks my head, but I don't know what that means. [/QUOTE] [COLOR=darkblue][size=1]**laughs uproariously** Now that's more like it. Us, gods to our pets? Don't make me laugh even more. Who buys all their food? Who does the work? Who gives whom a daily (or multi-daily) pet session/massage? [i]Who has to pick up whose feces from the sidewalk with their hands, put it in a baggie, and throw it in the trash?[/i] (I've never actually done this, because I don't have to walk my dog as I live in the country, but I've seen it done.) And don't get me started on horses. They crap so much you actually need a shovel for it all. It's back-breaking. As for training, it takes damn-near forever (but notice it doesn't take as long as baby humans) to get them to do what you say. And even when they know what you're saying, all they have to do is give you the "cute eyes" and you just let it go. No, people, I think our pets have all orchestrated a huge scheme on us. The original theory was interesting, though. PS: Mitch, can I get some of that acid? It seems really good.[/size] [/COLOR]

[size=1][color=darkblue]Then we'd all be pretty well off, now, wouldn't we? So I'd erase love. It leads to nothing but pain. The suffering far outweighs the benefits. Whoever said "It is better to have loved and lost that to have never loved at all" has got to be the biggest idiot who ever lived. If you've never loved before, you don't know what you're missing. And if you have, well, then you do. And, as we all know, love leads only to insanity.[/size][/color]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by slasher [/i]I have been seeing therioes every where so I will start a discussion too. What do you think the universe is? A big infinite space? My friend thinks it is just a huge ball, and f you keep going, you will crash in it eventually. I think that the univers repetes. I mean that if you keep going, you will eventually run into the place you started. What do you think? Remeber, no making fun of others for their ideas. [/QUOTE] [COLOR=darkblue][size=1]Dear God, if you're going to post something so "intellectual", can you please learn how to spell? A dictionary would only cost you a few bucks. I'd give a response, but these posts have given me a massive headache. I think I'm having an aneurysm. I need to call the hospital, or at least lie down for 48 hours.[/size][/COLOR]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Vegitto4 [/i] [B]:( I still know that I have no words that could possibly console you. It's to hard to even try. Your always in my thoughts, I hope you know that. [/B][/QUOTE] [COLOR=darkblue][size=1]**smacks him, as a joke** Call me, you idiot! (Joke, but not the part about you calling me.) I am a Christian, a very strong one, in fact. Ironically, this has all brought me closer to Jesus than ever. I can just imagine my son in heaven, growing up there, how happy he must be, how lucky he is to escape the misery of this world and meet Jesus face-to-face. I can't wait to meet him, for him to rush into my arms for the first time, calling "Mama!" It will be beautiful. But I can't wait for the rest of my life to happen as well. It's going to be beautiful, too. PS: We know the secret -- Jesus was behind the couch the whole time. Just think on that, everyone. He's right behind every corner, waiting to embrace us all in his loving arms.[/size][/COLOR]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by RicoTranzrig [/i] [color=darkblue]Liberation is an idea that?s always helped me through rough spots. When looking at my life from far away, it?s a much different perspective than living in it. I left the U.S. to spend some time in the Philippines with some relatives ?cause I couldn?t stand going to school anymore and dealing with all that extra stuff that happened. A few months ago, I couldn?t take some emotional pain so I drove up north and spent some time around Mt. Shasta, California. On those trips away from home, I came back?and it didn?t feel so bad, even though the memory still remains. Both were supported by my parents. [/color] [/QUOTE] [COLOR=darkblue][size=1]See, that's the problem. I've spent my whole life running. Running away from home, just taking off with whatever truck-driver or friends who would pay or just hopping trains. Running away from my problems. Escaping through drugs. But, you see, I can't do that anymore. Escape doesn't cure it. It only makes it go away for a little while. Then, when you finally come home (Home? What is that?) it comes crashing down on you all the more, and harder. So I'm sick of running. It doesn't solve anything. Clear my mind? It only makes my mind more muddled up. I can't just distract myself anymore. I have to deal with this. I'm starting to, but I never imagined how hard it would be: dealing with negative emotions. Noooo, I don't do that. But if I don't, it's going to eat me alive. For any of you who hasn't seen the movie [i]Chigaco,[/i] you should definitely see it. My favorite number in the Tango. [i]Pop. Six. Squish. Uh-Uh. Cisero. Lip****z.[/i] He had it comin'.[/size][/COLOR]

[COLOR=darkblue][[size=1]I know this against the rules, but, you know what, I don't care right now, so delete my dead son's picture if you want, ban me, suck me, whatever. I know I'm acting like a total *** right now but I just can't seem to care. He deserves to remembered, and seen.[/size][/COLOR]

[COLOR=darkblue][size=1]As some of you know, I haven't been doing so well. I thought I was okay, until the funeral. After that, I lost it. The next day, my oncologist informed me that the cancer was coming back. "This is too much," I told myself. So I took all my money (a significant amount) and just took off without telling my parents where I was going. I drove for a few hours and ended up at the beach, at my friend's beach house. I had a lot of fun, riding the jet-skis, swimming, just talking to her, etc. But even so, I started to feel claustrophobic. So I left there and checked into the ritziest hotel in VA beach. As you can imagine, the money ran out quick. After a week of this (Tony can attest to the fact), I was sick of it, so I went to my brother Jon's apartment. He almost had a nervous breakdown just looking at me. He called my parents and they picked me up, drove my car home and everything. That's when the panic attacks started. I could literally feel my heart stopping in my chest. I was afraid to go to sleep, for fear my heart would just stop and I would die. I imagined my mother finding my body. I couldn't breathe. I could practically hear Christophe screaming at me from heaven, to keep fighting, to make him proud, that I had a purpose. So as much as I hate hospitals, I checked myself in. That's how scared I was. The doctors told me that I was suffering from severe anxiety disorder. They put me on a IV full of magnesium sulfate to calm me down. They said that if I didn't calm down, I could die. So, today, a week later, I still have a gigantic bruise where they put the needle in (incompitant nurses -- I told them to put it in my hand, that the veins in my arm were practically non-existant, but they wouldn't listen). I went back tp school Monday. Human Anatomy, Developmental Psych, and Women's Health. Anatomy nearly drove me insane. Psych related to so much of my life that I broke down in tears four different times. I hate school right now. But what else am I supposed to do? Wallow in misery forever? Mooch off my parents for the rest of my life? That's not even the half of it, since he died. That's not even one percent of it. But I don't have time to write about it now. I've got homework and studying to do, and Clonapin to take. And if any of you are wondering why I feel this way, here it is.[/size][/COLOR]

[color=darkblue][size=1]I must say, I look quite sexy. And yes, that looks exactly like me, heheh. You people wouldn't believe the weight I've lost. Cancer does that to ya. I must say, that until I start losing my hair, I've never looked better. PS: Good call on the glasses, Asuki. I just lost mine last week!! (More details in the Lounge.). [/color][/size]

[COLOR=darkblue][size=1]I know that this type of thread is against the rules, but I have something important to say. As some of you know, I'm going through the hardest time of my life, with my son's death. It takes too much energy to come here, to talk, to type, to press the buttons on my mouse, to key in my password to log on. Too much to even read. Sometimes too hard to eat or breathe. To not take as many pills I can get my hands on, to not pull the trigger of my dad's 12 gauge. But I want you all to know that you are still my friends. I love each and every one of you. For those of you who know my number, please call. I need my friends, all of you. It's too hard to open my eyes sometimes, but I can at least reach over and pick up the phone. To my soul-mates: Tori, Ryan G., Tori's Ryan , Tony, Mitch, Ken, Charlie (HC)... please don't forget me. To those I've always respected: James, Charles, Transtic, Shy, Sara, Raven, Harlequin... thank you for your words. I owe you all so much. And I will be back. I just can't say when. To every member I've failed to mention, thank you for your support. OB is like my family, and I wouldn't be here if not for you.[/size][/COLOR]

[color=darkblue][size=1]He was too good for this world... it's pain, it's corruption, it's suffering... so he went straight to God's arms. That's the only thing that keeps me going.[/color][/size]

[color=darkblue][size=1]Usually, when I'm having a really abnormal dream, I realize it and try to control what's happening. If I'm being attacked (as I mentioned before), I use some sort of powers to defend myself or fly away. This takes serious concentration. I'm not kidding about this. But... this is the scariest thing. I realize it's a dream, and it's too horrible to salvage, so I try to wake up. The scene changes and I think I've awakened. Then it starts going in some strange loop... with each scene, I command myself to wake up, and I think I did, then something bizzare happens again to make me realize I'm still asleep. Finally, as a last resort, I start trying to scream "wake up!" over and over, hoping that the noise of my real voice will wake me up. This is the hopeless period, because it's hard to control your body while you're dreaming. I try to yell in the dream, but it's only a whisper. I have to keep going at it for about 15 minutes (?) to finally get loud enough to wake myself up. I wish this would stop, since I'd like to be able to control these dreams if they get really bad. Also, it freaks people out, especially my mom (and Mike has brought this up, in a concerned way, many times) because they hear me screaming in my sleep on almost a nightly basis. Bah. I just had to get that out. I don't think I've described this to anyone in detail before. I hope most people don't read this. I feel like I'm going insane.[/color][/size]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by terra [/i]Okay, I heard terror stories about pregnancy + belly button rings = something horrible happening. (Examples ... oh, I don't know, some woman claimed that her belly got so stretched out that the hole grew enormous as well, and stayed that way even when she lost the weight after having the baby.) But most of them sounded sort of improbable so I attributed them to urban legends and got my piercing anyway :) But now I'm fully comforted ... it sounds like you've had a baby and your belly button piercing is still normal. Yay! Load off my back. [/QUOTE] [COLOR=darkblue][size=1]Ahh... okay. Here's the thing. I didn't go full term. If I had, it would've stretched. There's absolutely no way it wouldn't have. The skin stretches beyond control, and, after awhile, even your navel startes to enlarge and lose it's original shape. That's why you can't just simply keep the ring... you need studs on each end of the half-circle to cover it up. And every friend I know who's had a baby has only put their piercing back in to cover up the ugliness of the upper hole. This is the truth. And for all you girls who plan to have children, but already have their navel pierced... well, you're pretty much screwed. [/size][/COLOR]

[color=darkblue][size=1]Dammit, that was tonight? I was so looking forward to it. It looked wonderfully gruesome.[/color][/size]

[color=darkblue][size=1]The movie that made me laugh the hardest in my life was the South Park movie. The part where they first go back to class after seeing Terrance and Philip, then get in trouble for swearing, can almost make me puke from laughter. Especially the part where Cartman whips out the bullhorn and says... Well, you know. From Up in Smoke: the whole car scene where Cheech and Chong first meet kills me. Dogma. I have a strange sense of humor.[/color][/size]

[color=darkblue][size=1]How in the world am I supposed to narrow that down? Either way, it would have to be sick and twisted. The only thing coming to mind right now is "Number One Crush" by Garbage (the only good song they ever put out), and another song that I refuse to admit because it's not my style at all. I was playing it over and over on my guitar earlier, actually. I'm sure I'll think of more later.[/color][/size]

[COLOR=darkblue][size=1]No, no, no. You didn't see them! They were the size of a skyscraper! And they looked like big tentacles, like in the movies. And they had anntenas.[/size][/COLOR] [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Semjaza Azazel [/i] Perhaps that I'm keeping myself from saying things I know I should say. [/QUOTE] [COLOR=darkblue][size=1]I know what it is. It's that you want to come over here and make fabulous love to me. :naughty:[/size][/COLOR]

[color=darkblue][size=1]I don't know if my parents gave me some crazy drugs or something, but I vaguely remember these two guys named Bunson and Beaker who always did scientific experiments, and the only thing Beaker ever said was "Me me me me me" very rapidly in a high-pitched voice. And Bunson always answered him, like he knew what Beaker was just talking about. Those guys were pretty cool.[/color][/size]

[color=darkblue][size=1]You people are all amateurs. I have weird dreams on a nightly basis. Last night: There was a huge pack of enormous (dinosaur size) metal orange and yellow centipedes with about five hundred teeth bounding around the city devouring everyone in sight. I went to the top of a tall tower to escape, but the head centipede burrowed up through the concrete and got right in my face. It opened it's mouth (it's very big mouth) to swallow me, but I used telekinesis and threw it off the side. I just watched at the centipedes bounded through the ground like dolphins do in water. Then the whole city flooded to the point where everything was covered but me. Then I woke up. They reminded me of the snakes in that one level of "Battletoads" on original Nintendo. Okay, so that's not too incredibly weird. But keep in mind that I have these kind of dreams every night. I have other types of dreams but they are too disturbing to reveal here.[/color][/size]

[color=darkblue][size=1]The Volcano at Kings Dominion is ******* amazing, and I don't use that expression very often. The line is this long tunnel, and if you've never been on the ride before, you can't see the beginning of the coaster and have no idea what's going to happen. I'm not going to tell you what it is, but, believe me, I got the shock of my life. My favorite all-around ride is the Berserker. It's a big boat that swings upside down. It hangs there for awhile. You sit there praying to yourself that the harness won't break. A lot of people won't go on it, because just looking at it is not for the faint of heart. One, my friend Joey spit off of it when it was upside down, and by the time the boat swung back down, the spit hadn't landed yet and hit him in his own face. People try to do that kind of stuff on that ride. You have to know the right moment to spit, or throw your gum, or whatever, otherwise you'll hit your own self. The scarier the ride, the better, in my opinion.[/size][/color] [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Queen Asuka [/i] [color=hotpink][size=1] [b]The 3D Spiderman ride[/b], Universal Islands of Adventure. OH MY GOSH, this is the coolest ride ever because it's 3D and everything feels so real. Everytime I ride it I'm freaked out because I always think a brick is going to hit me in the face. [/color][/size][/QUOTE] [COLOR=darkblue][size=1]I laughed so hard when I read this, I thought I was going to hyperventilate. The same thing happens to me on the Stan Lee ride, because there's this one part where a skull creature is shooting his arm out at you and there's a big buzz saw at the end and it hangs there, slashing at your face. I always put up my hand to block it, then feel like a moron.[/size][/COLOR]

[color=darkblue][size=1]I know I must have mentioned this a dozen times but here goes: My list of piercings at around age 20: nose, side lip, eyebrow, tongue, navel, five in left ear (one through the cartilage), three in right. I think that's it. Now all I have is the tongue. I had to take my navel ring out because I was pregnant, but now that my stomach is back to normal, I might put it back in, one of those half-circle diamond ones. In a few more sit-up sessions. Four of the holes in my left ear are still open, but I rarely wear earrings in them except when I'm feeling freakish. I never wear any in the right, but they're still open. I have a rather large tattoo on my back, between my shoulder-blades. I think a woman's back is a beautiful canvas for an intricate tattoo -- very sexy. Mine is a cross of Celtic knotwork, and in the middle is a snake swallowing it's own tail. I'm really into drawing knotwork and I wanted a tattoo that nobody else had. I'd planned on putting my birthstone (the opal) in the middle of the snake's circle but I might put the one for July instead, since that's Chris' birth month. However, this could offend my future children, so I might not. I've put around four hours of needle time into this tattoo, and the damn thing's still not finished, lol.[/color][/size]

[color=darkblue][size=1]I'd be the last person to ask, because I generally think like a man. Or so I'm told. I really don't think there's much of a difference, to be honest. It's more societal than anything, learned behaviors. If everybody could say whatever they want without worrying about the consequences, we'd find that our minds don't work very much differently.[/color][/size]

[COLOR=darkblue][size=1]This is a tribute to my son. He deserves to be remembered... by everyone.[/size] [center]Life-Giving Water[/center] I didn?t know him for very long, only five and a half months, but it feels like forever, yet, at the same time, only a second. I thought we?d know each other, laugh and fight and cry and love, until the day I died. As it turned out, he was meant to die first. Although I only met him the day before his death, I?d known him long before. I had a feeling that he was coming into my life in February of 2003. Even then, he had a powerful presence, just like his father. His spirit was strong and changed my life forever. I knew he was growing inside of me, but my hands still shook when I saw that the pregnancy test was positive. ?It?s going to be a girl,? everybody said. I only smiled and remained silent, because my son was telling me that they were wrong. That?s how strong our connection was. The first time I felt him move, I was lying in bed, unable to sleep. Then the flutter came. ?Here I am!? He seemed to say. ?I?m already growing up too fast,? he laughed, amused at how I was beside myself with excitement. He had moved! He was a strong boy from the beginning. When I went in for the ultrasound, the technician told me, ?Wow, he is really active!? I felt victorious! Telling my loved ones was fun, because he was a boy, just like I always knew but never revealed. Everyone was shocked; but then, he was always full of surprises. I made what seemed like a million copies of the ultrasound pictures and passed them out like candy. I posted them on the Internet; I e-mailed them to everyone. When I opened my wallet to pay for things at the store, I?d whip out the pictures and show them to the clerk. There was my son, perfect in every way: his ski-jump nose, his balled-up fist, his extended leg as he kicked me straight in my left side. He loved to kick; he loved to flip in circles. I was sure he was going to be a martial arts expert. Late at night, I?d lie in bed with my hands on my quickly swelling abdomen, just feeling him move. ?I?m coming to meet you, mama,? he seemed to say. Neither of us could wait to hold each other. I?d been in the hospital for five days when my doctor told me that I needed an emergency c-section. My son was coming, and no one could stop the labor. I screamed, I shook, I cried, I prayed. He was kicking so hard; he knew he was dying. As I was lying on the operating table, he was wheeled past me in a plastic incubator. ?He?s a blond,? one of the nurses said. ?Do you have a name picked out yet?? ?Christophe Jon Michael,? I replied. The middle name was a combination of my brother?s and my husband?s names. He had a heritage; he had hundreds of people who loved him. I finally got to visit Christophe seven hours later. Despite the pain of my surgery, I stood up to see the whole of him. My heart broke when I saw his size. There was no way a baby that small could live. It was a miracle that he had even survived that long. I spent most of the next 28 hours by his side. He couldn?t open his eyes, but he knew I was there. He would kick and move toward me when I sang to him, remembering how I?d sung to him in the womb. He fought as long as he could, holding on for me. He wanted me to meet him for just a little while. I finally got to hold him when there was no hope left. I kissed him over and over, hugging him to my chest, the tears spilling from my eyes to his. He would never be able to cry on his own, so I gave my tears to him. For an hour, I whispered that I loved him and begged him not to leave me. Then, suddenly, he moved, and snuggled his head against my chest. ?I love you, too, mama. I?ll always be watching. I know you?ll make me proud.? Then he died. My little Christophe taught me the meaning of love?something I had stopped believing in. He opened my heart, broke it in two, and then mended it back together. He first gave me a reason to live, then a reason to go on. He was real. He was the life-giving water that made the dying plant I used to be bud and blossom. The blooms are still opening. They open more day by day. For that, and for so many other things, Christophe was and always will be truly remarkable. [/COLOR]

[color=darkblue][size=1]Okay, so you all have crushes, and are admiting them. It sounds like people are having nervous breakdowns over this. It's not the end of the world, people. You should take the chance while you have it. Be proud of yourself. Besides, even if they reject you, there are about 3 billion other people to choose from. Hee! What fun we could all have. Don't playa hate.[/color][/size]

[color=darkblue][size=1]I don't know what's wrong with me... I know I've been avoiding the boards lately... I've never felt this messed up in my life. Nothing matters anymore, at all. But don't feel bad for me. I'll survive. Thanks for talking last night, Tori. It helped me so much. I love you to death.[/color][/size]

[color=darkblue][size=1]Uh, my parents do too many weird things to list. But one thing I have to say... My dad is obsessed with the guitar, which at most times is cool. I mean, he taught me how to play. But it gets annoying, because he will literally walk through the house, with the guitar strapped to his body, and sing Christian songs at the [i]top[/i] of his lungs. I mean, as loud as he can. He gets up and does this for an hour every single morning. At six. And he doesn't care who's trying to sleep. At all. He's on the worship team, too, that's how much he loves it. You have to respect that.[/color][/size]