Lady Macaiodh

[color=darkblue][size=1]There's not really any one thing. It's always something I don't expect. The last thing I remember... was when someone gave me this really small, pretty insignificant compliment, but it still made me feel really good. It made me like him even more. Sometimes cheese-ball stuff like that gets to me. When my dog puts his paw or lays his head on my knee, it's so cute that I just melt. Heaven's Cloud mentioned the opposite sex. Well, many things get to me about them. Like, when you're kissing someone for the first time, slow & deep, and you can really breathe in their scent. Stuff like that.[/color][/size]

[COLOR=darkblue][size=1]This story is not about me, but it's not exactly fiction, either. Millions of people all over the world suffer from this addiction.[/size] [center][b]A Different Kind of Fix[/center][/b] My counselors always ask me why I do it, so I came up with a good metaphor. It?s easier that way. The metaphor disguises it, makes it not as bad. ?It?s kind of like a volcano,? I say. ?Pressure builds and builds until the surface bursts and lava pours out. The surface is the skin. The lava is the blood.? The counselors seem to understand this. They really don?t, though, which is why my parents are always getting me new ones. The worst part about changing counselors or going to a new clinic is taking pictures of the scars that cover my body. One reason they take the pictures is to see how bad I?ve gotten. Another is to make sure they?ll know if I cut myself again. My parents have dragged me through this so many times, though, that I always figure out ways to hide it. For instance, I re-open old wounds instead of creating fresh ones. I?m a little worried about this new clinic, though. It has a psychiatric ward. I could get green-warranted. If that happens, I won?t be allowed to be alone. I?ll have to shower and piss with someone watching. They could even put me in a straightjacket. Why are they doing this to me? It?s not like I?m trying to open a vein when I cut myself. I just need the physical pain to keep from going crazy, that?s all. I?ve tried to stop, I really have. Does everybody think I want these scars all over my flesh? Is it my fault that I?m burdened with more pain than a human being can bear? Today at check in, they found the straight razors I?d hidden in the lining of my suitcase. I watched, shaking, as they threw my little ones in the trash. Since I just got here, the counselors are going to give me another chance. As soon as I get to my room, I rip up a corner of the carpet. I use my fingernails to pry one of the staples out of the floorboards, and use the pointy end to stab into the inside of my forearm. As I drag the metal through my skin, the blood leaks out. I can almost see the pressure and the pain leaking out with it. It rises into the air like steam, and disappears for a while longer. [/COLOR]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Dan Rugh [/i] Okay Mitsuko, question... I am right in saying that you can't get a piercing through anything that has a scar or birthmark in the area, no? [/QUOTE] [COLOR=darkblue][size=1]Well, that's not necessarily true. I had a scar on my navel from the last time it was pierced, and I got it re-pierced. I actually had it pierced three different times before that, but always took it out because I'd done it myself. The last one was done professionally, and I've had that for about 8 years. I'm not wearing the ring right, now, though, because I don't want it to get stretched when I'm really pregnant. I'll put it back in afterwards, though.[/size][/COLOR]

[color=darkblue][size=1]My nightmare scenario is waiting to have sex with my boyfriend (if I had one) until marriage, then finding out that my husband is really bad in bed and has a tiny... so yeah, I don't think I'd wait, lol.[/color][/size]

[color=darkblue][size=1]Not really. I guess my room would qualify. I have two brothers and no sisters, so I always got to have my own room. I hated having a roommate in the college dorms, and moved out of there into a single sometime mid-semester. I simply hate sharing a room with someone. I have to be able to be alone a lot of the time. It's not exactly a [i]secret[/i] place, though, lol.[/color][/size]

[color=darkblue][size=1]That's kind of sad. But in Powhatan, you see crap like that all the time, so I'm kind of used to it. My dog probably would have found it first and eaten it. He's always leaving carcasses on the porch as presents for us. *_* Maybe you could have moved it without touching it somehow. I have no friggin clue.[/color][/size]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Chris [/i] [color=green][size=1] also, when she left him she found out that he had 5 wives and 16 girlfriends already. [/size][/color] [/QUOTE] [COLOR=darkblue][size=1]Good lord. And I thought [i]my[/i] ex was bad! Jesus. That sucks. I am in the process of getting divorced right now. I worry about how it is going to affect my son, who is not even born yet. I still haven't decided if or when I'll let Mike see him. But I had to leave Mike, though, otherwise I really believe he would have killed me at some point. And I don't want my son growing up around a maniac like that, he'd probably turn out just like his father! [/size][/COLOR]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by BabyGirl [/i] [color=deeppink]Well [i]I[/i] do it for fun. [/color] [/QUOTE] [COLOR=darkblue][size=1]*imagines Jenna having sex* I'm not going to say anything else.[/size][/COLOR]

[color=darkblue][size=1]I think when a guy bleaches his hair, then let's it grow out a little so the roots are dark but the ends blonde... it looks really good. I used to bleach mine all the time, but mostly so I could dye it purple or something. As you can see from my pic in the picture forum, I don't do that anymore. I think I'd rather die that bleach it now! I don't really think that's true, that bleaching your hair makes it fall out, because my mom's been doing it for years. It does keep it from growing long, though, because you get such bad split ends.[/color][/size]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by SuperMaxSonic [/i]The people on this forum are my only friends. I have no "real" friends in real life. [/QUOTE] [COLOR=darkblue][size=1]Oh, man, join the club. After I got married, I had no friends anymore, because my ex was such a psychotic that he literally would not let me talk to anyone. Then, after we broke up, I found out I was pregnant. All my old friends were big party animals, and there's not much of a point hanging with them now because all they do is get drunk and smoke weed right in front of me, and I can't. I realized that they're pretty much a bunch of idiots (being the only sober person around a bunch of drunk people can bring that enlightenment), so now I have to completely start over in the friendship department, because I don't want to be that way anymore. I have two friends IRL that I really talk to. The majority of my friends are on the boards. So I know how you feel. It's really not so bad, because I'd rather have quality friends than hang out with idiots. It could be a lot worse, Max. At least you have people on here that care about you. Some people have nobody at all. I think Sara's advice is good. It's really not hard to meet people if you come out of your shell a little. You're probably just shy & intense, that's all. There's nothing wrong with you. And don't say you hate yourself, or I'll have to come over there and smack you.[/size][/COLOR]

[color=darkblue][size=1]Well, I'm really glad you decided to confront the issue. But, I must say, I'm kind of relieved. Whem I was reading your other posts and worrying like hell, I expected you to reveal that you were addicted to heroin or something. As for your hands shaking, that is entirely in your mind, unless you have an unusual allergy or something, which I never heard of. If you don't want to do it anymore, then just don't. Weed is the easiest thing to quit. But Harry's right, for once... you're either not buying alot, or are getting some really good deals, lol.[/color][/size]

[color=darkblue][size=1]Another weirdness about sex is that pregnancy pretty much depends on the girl's age. That's why you see 12 year old girls married to 50 year old men in some countries. Also, the sex of the baby is determined by the guy's sperm. Too bad Henry VIII didn't know that when he executed wife after wife for not producing a male heir. *_* Either way, it's too controversial of a subject. Let's not over-analyze it. Let's just all lapse into a fantasy about our lusted one right now. (You know who you are.)[/color][/size]

[color=darkblue][size=1]Ryan, I totally did not expect you to say that. Is love changing you? I think I like the change. Well, I've had pre-marital sex about a couple thousand times, so I guess I'm all for it. I do agree that you should have feelings for the person. Unless you're obsessively into the physical pleasure of it, it's not going to be fun. Maybe the first few times. But it'll get old. I personally wouldn't do it again, not until I find the right person. I'm not saying the person I'm going to marry or anything, but someone special, at least. Dayday, just wait til you get older. It'll be all you think about, lol.[/color][/size]

[color=darkblue][size=1]I did the same thing I do every night... try to take over the world.[/color][/size]

[color=darkblue][size=1]So, I guess we're all Conan fans around here. I think he's hilarious. There's always something unexpected in every show. You never really know what's going to happen. My favorite segment is "In the Year 2000", especially the latest one with Jim Carrey. I couldn't stop laughing. And the guy who sings on that part cracks me up. (That was a good show all around, anyway, because Jim is my favorite actor, and Eliza Dushku is my favorite sex fantasy, but whatever.) I wish that his show would book better guests, more consistantly. It probably keeps Conan on his toes to be more funny, though. As for Carson, I honestly can't stand his show. Yeah, he does conduct some really in-depth interviews, but I'm not concerned enough about the lives of the celebrities to care. I'd rather just read a book instead. [/color][/size]

[color=darkblue][size=1]You know, for your age, those are pretty outstanding, especially the first one, though a bit rough. I'm looking forward to reading more. Keep writing.[/color][/size]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by KnightOfTheRose [/i] Ever had a dependancy problem? Try the fear of running out of what you're addicted to... [/QUOTE] [COLOR=darkblue][size=1]Dude. You've been making these types of posts lately. If you need to talk to us about something, you can. I think you've been waiting for someone to ask. I don't want to talk about my truly scary experiences. It takes an awful lot to scare me -- and I'm talking terror, not just being freaked out -- so you know that if I was scared, it had to have been bad. I"m still not over this ****, yet [i]everything[/i] has been making me think about it, even though I don't want to. Like this thread. Maybe the universe is trying to get my attention. Plus, these are things that... you wouldn't understand unless it was happening to you.[/size][/COLOR]

[color=darkblue][size=1]I'll probably have to add more to this tomorrow, seeing as how I'm zombified at the moment. It will most likely make no sense. Practically everyone has a bit of nostalgia about their hometown, even if they hate the place. There's always something unique about it. Even though I pretty much hate my hometown, I still miss it when I'm away and don't know why. I don't think it's very much different than other experiences or memories. Whether they're good ones or bad, you have to take what you can from them & move on. Denying one's past? That's a funny expression. It sounds too much like sweeping it under the rug, pretending it never happened. Go onto a new future, yeah. But be sure to let yourself look back every once in awhile. If you forget it all, you're basically a blank slate again, and the personality of Jenna would not exist. Your subconcious remembers, whether you want it to or not. Maybe I'm taking your post wrong. But you make it sound like you'd be content never thinking about Michigan again. Heh, I wish a lot of times that I could give myself amnesia and forget the past two years (well, the parts that had to do with Mike). But then I'd probably make the same kind of dumb mistake again. [/color][/size]

[color=darkblue][size=1]Well, think about it, people. Singers like Britney, Christina, and Justin are incredibly rich, famous, party animals with beautiful people begging to have sex with them, and are just now becoming adults. They can pretty much do whatever they want, however they want to do it. What do you [i]expect[/i] them to sing about? Little Bunny Foo-Foo hopping through the forest?[/color][/size]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Bandit Joeykuba [/i] HEY! Psychos are fun! I'M A PSYCHO!!!!! [/QUOTE] [COLOR=darkblue][size=1]Well, what I mean is more along the lines of [i]criminally[/i] insane, lol. But regular crazy is okay.[/size][/COLOR]

[color=darkblue][size=1]I think I've mentioned before that I don't really have a type or "perfect" date. I like any size, color, age, whatever. As long as they're not a psycho, lol. Of course, it depends on the type of date I want to go on. If it's just a non-serious, lust thing, the guy doesn't have to be too brilliant. He just has to be fun. If I can see a future with the person, though, looks aren't really important, but he needs to be pretty damn intelligent or I'll get bored after not very long. Besides, as I get to know a guy who's intellect I really admire, they look better & better to me as time goes by.[/size][/color]

[color=darkblue][size=1]Well, obviously my original post was a joke. In all seriousness, I agree with Mitch on this one. There's no way I'd ever be president. There'd be way too much pressure and red-tape BS to deal with. Besides, I've had enough of politicians to last a lifetime. Most of them end up as crooks.[/color][/size]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Heaven's Cloud [/i] [B][color=indigo]But did you donate your damaged car and the rest of your drugs to the Make a Wish foundation...I think not! I do submit to your car wrecking prowess though :p[/color] [/B][/QUOTE] [COLOR=darkblue][size=1]Well, none of the cars I wrecked were totalled so i just got them fixed. I take that back... one was said to be totalled by the insurance company but I found a really, really cheap mechanic. The ironic thing is, I have a perfect driving record, because the only one I reported was 6 years ago. Heh.[/COLOR]

[color=darkblue][size=1]HC, your car wrecks are nothing compared to mine. You pale in comparison to my wrecking prowess. Just check out this link, then you'll see. MUCH MUCH LATER: Okay, I couldn't find it. But the basic story is that I stole my dad's car and wrecked it while on 4 differnt kinds of drugs. So there. [/color][/size]

[color=darkblue][size=1]I had the Blue one and Pinkerton, but I never bought anything else since my tastes started getting a lot heavier at that point. My favorite songs by them are "The Sweater Song" and "Say It Ain't So." There was one song on Pinkerton I was pretty obsessed with, but I can't remember any of the titles from that one. *Pounds head on desk* Ah yes, "El Scorcho." "God damn you half-Japanese girls. You do it to me every time." That song could apply to many of us, what with the Japanese fixation around here. Yeah, I was really obsessed with that one. I found it very funny.[/color][/size]