Al-araaf

Ignore your parents. I have a slightly similur relationship going on. My gf's parents are WAY over protective of her, they have no idea that we've been dating for almost a year now. They don't like that i'm a creepy goth, and her dad doesnt like guys around her. Just keep in touch and continuse doing what your doing.

Try noticing a common intrest you both share. Note you like the samething and talk about it. Soon you will become friends, and hopefully more. Thats how it worked for me, and ive been with her for almost a year now. And do the confidence stuff, that helped too.

Hmmm intresting static effect. 8/10 1 like to watch static, 2 it just looks cool.

My childhood fear was clowns. But now i'm a harcore juggalo (meaning I love ICP and bands associated with them) And I spread clown love to all my juggalo bretheren. As for nightmare I just have horrifying, deominc, hellish, dreams. Or i'll astral travel (AKA out of body expirience) and relive all the moments that make me the depressed lunatic I am today. And sometimes I cant get back into my body until I start paniking.

I would be a half raven demon and half human. I would have large black angel wings. Black eyes. Black and blue hair. And use the powers of darkness and evil omens to bring famine, pestilence, war, and death to humanity. I have thought about this not to long ago ^___^

Very well put Satoru

If im not here im probably on a video game forum (same username as this) Or im on Runescape, World of Warcraft, X-box live (gamertag Daiuske) I read, write, look up pics, meditate, study paranormal things, and mostly sleep. Very rarely do I see the light of day voluntarily and even more rarely will me and my gf actualy go out. Although we will probably next weekend.

Get to know him and if he is a jerk (major censor there) then forget about him. For a while just be his friend only and leave VERY little hints for something more If for some reason another girl should come and if you truly want him you MUST tell him. That is how it worked for me and my gf. Only I was a guy going through what I just listed. But for us there was alot of psychlogical and psychic stuff that is difficult to explain that I have studied and found were factors in it, but ignor all the psychological and psychic stuff I just mentioned. Now i'm rambling :animeswea again

Al-araaf is my nickname. For a few reasons. 1) It's my favoite poem by Edgar Allan Poe 2) That is where I want to go when I die 3) I live my life balancing good and evil 4) My gf likes the way it sounds Not exactly in that order Al-araaf should actualy be spelled Al-aaraaf I just spell it my own way so I dont copy Edgar Allan Poe. It means purgatory in arabic (im not arabic). If you dont know what purgatory is look it up because i'll end up ranting a VERY long definiton.

I go by Al-araaf I live in Daytona Beach, Florida I'm 15 I did manage to finaly get a gf (8 months ago tomorow) I'm what could be considered "emo" Despite my hatred of most living things i'm very nice if I allow you to get to know me I study psychics, ghosts, magic, anything paranormal I LOVE anime and video games I have 3 full blood brothers 2 older 1 littler 2 half siblings 1 is my oldest brother the other is my only sister And i'm currently taking japanese in school (and doing VERY well)

I dont care if they do or not. Like others here I consider it a compliment. I will admit i'm not exactly the best looking guy, but thank death my gf doesnt care about looks(neither do I). But I have been hit on by guys and for some reason pretty girls, but the girls are of topic. Whenever it happens I just say thank you and politly decline whatever they are asking of me.

I'm neutral in this sort of thing. I belive in at least some form of high spiritual being. Since most religions are based on the same concept of a higher spiritual being and a divine utopia at the end of our time on earth. But I have researched alot of religions and found that Death would most likely find my vote for worship. Since I live my life balancing my actions, and beliving in a higher being then i'm going to make it into purgatory (or Al-aaraaf). Purgatory is beteween heaven and hell. It could also be called level 1 of hell. Chritianity (forgot which branch) says that it's for un-baptised children, and those who die in gods grace. It is a place of temporary punishment. But the religion that follows Death says to do what I do. And i'll be there forever. The atmosphere is not tortuous like hell, but you feel a constant sorrow. I already do so I think I can for all eternity. Plus I get to meet all of Deaths followers like the Grim Reaper (or soul harvester), The Soul Guider (the guy who guides you to the dock on the river of styx) The Soul Swapper(he makes you and someone switch souls for the hell of it) And if i'm not mistaken I will be aloud to help Death as he is one of the legendary "Four Horsemen of the Apoclypse". I will, like many others harvest souls of the living on that day. And i'm so very sorry if this offends anyone.

Alot of crap has happened to me over the years, it has caused me to become an emotional scarred lunatic, who studies psychics, ghosts, magic, etc. But if I wasnt this way I wouldnt have my current gf. So all the crap that makes me depressed is actualy sort of helping. She is sort of the same so she chose me over someone normal because she knew we need eachother (and I would have killed myself). Aside from keeping all of that I would change how cautious I am.I have to think through EVERY little detail and the consequences they bring so I hold myself back from doing alot of things.

I had fun with Harvest Moon on the GCN despite alot of bad reviws.

If someone puts sex in video games fine. All that crap some poiltical lady put on for that thing in GTA: San Andreas was un-nessary. Adults should pay attetion to the RATEING on the game case. If you dont want your kid exposed to it the let them play a certain rateing level. It's that simple. And for the freaks out there who are turned on by it ,it's none of my business but, IT ISNT REAL, ITS A VIDEO GAME, IF YOU WANT TO SEE THAT THEN FIND REAL PORN. I mean it's like watching a hentai. Why would anyone want to see a cartoon from of porn? But as I said it's none of my business i've just wondered about that.

I play Halo 2 alot. And I will admit its a little pathetic to ba a "master" at it. It's basicly saying you have no life. And I guess I could be considered average since my level is in the 20's rather than 50's or so. And I usualy get stuck with n00bs, and it does get a little annoying. And I hate the people who betray, I may not care about winning but I would still like to have fun playing by the rules. And the de-levelers. The idiots who betray, and find other ways to keep you from have a succesful match. Just because they wasted most of their life getting to level 50 and cant find people to play against they de-level. Alot of people on console games are definetly the biggest douche bags you'll ever meet. On World of Warcraft the people are usualy nice. But a similur game called Runescape has ALOT of douche bags. All the "high levels" mess with the poor low levels. Again I consider it sad to be a master at it. But i'm a semi high level and I help and stand up for the "n00bs" no matter how annoying I find them. Because I remember how it was to be a n00b. And the people who make fun of them are hypocrites and didnt like to get made fun of and I HATE hypocrites.

I spend ALOT of time in Animal Crossing for GCN. Of course I plan on getting Animal Crossing Wild World for Ds. And I spend ALOT of time in Halo 2. If anyone wants to send a friend requst im Daiuske

I belive in ghosts. And as soon as I get enough money i'm going to join a paranormal investigation group. One story I have is my friends house was haunted by a little boy who died of being wet and cold somehow. We would purposly close his garage door so it would be pitch dark. The little boy would appear and point to my firends washer and drier. One day my friend finaly worked up the courage and tossed the boy a dry towel. He dissappeard and the towel floated for a bit. We heard the whispered words "Thank You" and then 2 wet footprints remained on the floor for quite a few months. Another thing is my gf is a walking ouiji board. I guess she could be called a clairvoyant since she communicates with ghosts. They will talk to her and she will write down what they say. They mostly want help to be freed so they can go to their eternal destiny. I know she is'nt insane since I have tried contacting them as well. As well as her firends. So she is'nt hearing voices in her head.

1 DS games (Mario Kart, Castelvania, Pheonix Wright, Trauma Center) 2 Long black reverands coat (from Hot Topic) 3 A Series of Unfortunate Events #12 and a crap load of manga 4 Not to have to go to my grandparents house (Family is nothing but idiots, drunks, drunken idiots, a few goody-goodies, me and my siblings are the freaks and dissapointments and we are all paraded around and shown off)

But like I said it may have been like that once but societys labels change.

I love MCR especialy Helena (everyone says that) but also Hang em High, Drowning Lessons, and Skylines and Turnstiles. As for him wearing make-up I think its cool. I'm not trying to seem like a poser or anything (I HATE POSERS) but I may start wearing red and/or black masquara and black nailpolish.

I I see the possiblility of one if not many of these theroies to be correct in the end. So I dont see the point in wondering about it. If the answer does ever come then we will know. If not and if there is a "god" of some kind then maybe it will give the explaination if there is anything to be explained. Also maybe if there is a meaning we shouldnt know it. The way mankind is we will end up finding a way to change it and at first it may seem like a good change but then it wil end up biting us in the ***.

[quote name='kuroinuyoukai']I'm not going to bash you. i have severe clinical depression and have tried suicide with pills. Fortunately I survived. I like you have been through some major crap but most people have no idea. I don't usually share it. I had a very crazy friend, I'll put it that way. The thought of suicide still crosses my mind every once in a while, but I am a chicken. Believe it, you are not alone. I hope things look better for you. It sounds like you never learned to shw emotions. You can't comfort probably because you never saw examples. It doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you. You are in no way a freak or anything. It sounds to me as though your girl is pulling you out of your shell. I hope you remain happy and don't kill yourself. You have a life to live. To the guy that said suicide was for cowards, well..I won't go there.[/quote] Thanks for saying all that. I'm glad you dont think anything is wrong with me. My gf thinks I didnt learn emotins either. After my dad had some of his "episodes" I remember him saying " I'm sorry" and comforting us ( from what I learnd from comforting very recently) but I knew it was just lies so I never took it into consideration. And just recently my gf comforted me so I think I understand it now. And i'm glad she did.We have admited to eachother many times we are helping eachother open up more. And i'm sorry you had to go through some major crap too (i'm sorry to everyone who has no matter how much I hate the world and feel alone for the most part).

[QUOTE=Inuyasha7271]Um Kid Emo is short for Emotive Hardcore a rock genre kind of Like Grunge that died out in the later 80s and Early 90s. The Emo you see on T.v. now is MTV junk Emo does not stand for Emotional it has nothing to do with Goth you are Goth not Emo. Its Emotive not Emotional has nothing to do with Black or Red or the Goth Realm. Emo had nothing to do with Wearing Black I hate kids who wear Black and go I"m Emo no your not thats not emo stop listening to MTV they are ruining your fragile little mind. Also Nobody is Goth either unless your apart of a Norwegian Celtic Tribe that was destroyed by the Roman empire Thousands of Years ago or you are a Style of writing ex. Frankenstein a Gothic Novel not because it wears black, but because its uses mystery, suspenese, and certain surrounds, Your Also not Goth unless your a style or Archeticture case in Point in the 1800s alot of buildings were built in a Gothic style like Chapels and Houses because of the Gargoyles, and the over hanging skiffs and looming ceilings. Also what do most of you kids have to be depressed about its like what Chris Rock said most Goth kids alot of them white really have no problems in their lives. 1. Do you live in the Ghetto 2. Do you have to worry about getting shot at home or at school. 3. are you surrounding by drugs and or drug dealers. 4. Do you have to help support your family at a young age. 5. Have you had several family members die in sad or disturbing ways. 6. Are you raising a baby at a young age and/ or expecting one. If you answer yes to 2 or more of these questions then you have a reason to be sad, sadistic, rude, out of place and touch, lonely, solitary, and/ or emotionless if not buck up you don't have it bad like the rest of us here living in situations like this. You don't have one excuse for suidice. I was born in the Ghetto, had to help raise brothers and sisters, have lost friends in Family had a uncle shot up about 5 to 7 times, my hometown is filled with drug pushers and crackheads and I am surrounded by them when I visit, but do you see me commiting suicide, wearing black and being all moody and whiny, no I get up in the morning i may not like it but I know their someone out their whose got it worse than me at least I live in a house and eat everyday do you watch those children in Africa its no joke they live like that. You live 2 year in Ethopia then you can be emotionless and feel as if their is nothing left to live for.[/QUOTE] I was given the information i used by my friends. I know the actual meaning of goth. People use the meanings I did because that is all they heard about it or know what society has labeld. Yes I can answer 2 or more of those questons too. Yes I do live in the ghetto. Yes I can walk outside my home and watch a drug deal. No none of my family members died in a gruesome way but my only friend died of a heart attack at the age of 12. Yes I have to worry about being shot too. And it's kind of hard not to be this way when you are a sensitive person and had to watch your mother being abused then you get screamed at over nothing when you were a small child and you try losing your only friend when you had to grow up like that and not feel what I do. And from what I understood of my friends definition of emo it means an emotional person probly like those bands from the 80's and the more modern band My Chemical Romance. They have songs about suicide, losing the one you love, etc. So the definiton MTV has given is partialy right if not completly. Society has labeld goth the way it has because of the way the architecture and gargoyals look. Like today many people fear goths like they did gargoyals and the artchitecture may look creepy to some people like goths look to people. So again society has labeled it based on appearance. Now please dont yell or give me a sarcastic responce because like the first time i'm just using the information I have. And i'm sure there is a better way for me to explain myself and i'm not relizing it right now. HOt TOpic isnt just for goth posers either. They sell things for goth who are actualy goth and not just going with the "look" and people who like anime shop there because Hot Topic has alot of cool anime merchandise ( not qouting Inuyash7271 on that statement). And for the record I HATE THE POSER GOTHS, AND I AM NOT A POSER. I can see Chris Rocks reasoning for saying that and you for quoting him. And what society has labeled is what most people will think no matter the actual definition. And Emo was like that and will always be considered what it was in the 80's by some but times change along with societys labels. I know that is probly a dumb way to put it but its true.

Let me start by saying that if you truely do not want to live and you want to commit suicide no one should stop you. (I state later on what stops me even though it sort of goes against what I just said) If you want to hurt those around you its your business. Now I have a long sob story. My childhood sucked. I was abused emotionaly. Me and my siblings saw our mother being abused and we got screamed at over nothing (belive me when your a small child this can mess you up). Then my mother finaly left the year I went into 6th grade. I had only 1 friend and he died of a hear attack at the age of 12. 4 years later im still crying about it. Then 1 person was nice to me. We got very close and I was going to tell her how I felt but I never did. After that my mom got custody of me and my little brother and I was homeschoold for 2 years. With no one to talk to. I went to 8th grade in public schools and managed to make some friends. I had a crush on a girl but my best friend stole her. Then I got over that and got close to a girl alot like me. I started to love her and I ended up having to compete for her. I almost lost her after 2 very emotional days.(We are currently happy). She understands what i've been through. Her step dad is bi-polar and constantly screamed at her. I have though about suicide countless times and still think about it. What stops me is knowing that my gf will follow if I kill myself. I dont know or care if my family would miss me since we constantly lied to eachother and used eachother. But she cares about her family and I couldnt kill myself knowing I would be the cause of so much suffering no matter how much I hate this world. I get a knife to my wrist at least once a month but I put it down. No one in my family knows this. They think i'm a happy normal person who like the goth "look". And I dont want them to know. No one can help me because i'm used to keeping everything in and dealing with it my self. Just yesterday my gf tried comforting me it did help since every October I get very suicidal since this is the month my friend died. She put her arm around me and tried to talk about it. That was the first time someone tried comforting me and I dont know what to do or say. There is something wrong with me psycologicly to where I dont know "normal" human behavior. I cant comfort, I have just stared showing joy (and not pretending),and for the first time love. I relize that I only do it once a month because all this sticks in my mind and the stress school puts on me gets to me. But I still think there is something wrong with me. I'm not seeking pity i'm just telling my story and views about suicide so please dont "bash" me for what I said.