Jakehammaren

I know this normally wouldn't belong in Aphitheater, but I plea pardon seeing as this is the only forum I've had any impact on anyway. This marks the end of my OB days. If any of you wish to contact/argue with me further, harass me, or just plain make fun of the way I look, you know where to find me ([url]www.myspace.com/jakehammaren[/url]). Cheers and regards, especially of those who learned a thing or two through my douchebaggery. (Kam and Kevin, I expect weekly cyber-love from both of you, damnit.)

The worst bands ever are: The Cure, Creed, mallcore in general, and all of your favorite bands.

[quote name='Premonition'][COLOR="1234"]Actually, I don't see why the metal community can't except metalcore as part of the metal genre, but that's just me. The same as Nu-metal. Yeah Jake will come after me, but really I don't care, so Jake take it to PMs please. I'm listening to Impulse by The Endless Sproradic, the song is werid but very good.[/COLOR][/QUOTE] The reason I'm not PMing this is that Heaven's Cloud is obviously new and wasn't following the metal thread, so this is important information for him. It's not that we dont [I]accept[/I] nu-metal and metalcore (all of which I'll refer to as mallcore for short), it's that it musically and culturally isn't metal (the former of which is 100% of the issue, but I just thought I'd point out the latter while I'm at it). It has nothing to do with us disowning it because we don't like it - it's because it's simply not the same type of music. There's a reason we don't refer to Green Day as an R&B group or Jack Johnson as a punk rock artist. What you're saying is literally the exact same thing as saying this: [COLOR="red"] "I don't know why the hip-hop community can't accept death metal and country as part of the hip-hop genre".[/COLOR] I know this has been explained a million times, but as I said, Cloud hasn't been keeping up (or at least I hope not, because if he has, then he's truly a lost cause). Oh, and one more disheartening comment that I must attend to: Cloud, it has nothing to do with insecurity. If you truly think that just because someone knows more about music than you means they're insecure, then I'd hope you'd just stop listening to music altogether. Oh, and I'm currently listening to "What's Left of the Flag" by Flogging Molly.

[quote name='Premonition'][COLOR="1234"]Jake do you enjoy acting like a three year old sometimes? Anyways, I'm listening to some crappy 80's music right now and I'm too lazy to turn the channel to Metal or Rock. But this morning and last night I listened to a ton of Coheed and Cambria songs, almost in a retrostpect seeing that I practicalyl listened to every album again. But I'm not complaning, I've been listening to Co&Ca for a while now, and it's adicting.[/COLOR][/QUOTE] In case you missed it, his signature read "METAL DOES NOT EXIST". I was listening to a metal song. Since you seem incapable of picking up on things at all, I will explain it step by step. Because I was listening to a metal song and his signature said that metal does not exist, I was making a joke regarding the idea that I must have been listening to nothing at all. Believe it or not, I wasn't hurt or being defensive due to someone's (at times hilarious) ignorance. I leave all that up to you guys. [COLOR="Red"] WARNING: DO NOT READ THIS COMMENT IF I HAVE REPEATEDLY OFFENDED YOU WITH MY COMMENTARY OR UPSET YOU WITH HOW RIGHT I AM ALL THE TIME[/COLOR] [spoiler]I can't act like I'm 3 years of age. The fact that I don't listen to Coheed and Cambria is scientific proof that I am at [I]least[/I] as mentally developed as a 12-year-old.[/spoiler] And I'm currently listening to: "Something Not as Pretentious As Dream Theater" by Every Band That Isn't Dream Theater. (Yes, that's right. I'm actually annoyed by a band's pretentiousness.)

I was going to mention what I'm listening to, but according to 2008DigitalBoy's signature, I'm listening to nothing. So nevermind.

[quote name='Petie'][FONT=Verdana][COLOR=blue]I'm sorry but that's really not what a forum is about. You are here to [i]discuss[/i] things and one member getting annoyed because someone's facts aren't perfect is no reason to not post. When someone is wrong, it's very easy to correct them in a polite way (i.e. without telling them to never post in the thread again). And more importantly, since this thread seems more about proving people wrong than it does about discussing the genre now, if you're going to tell someone they're wrong, please back it up with sources yourself. You can prove your point and maybe even teach someone something at the same time.[/COLOR][/FONT][/QUOTE] Apparently you haven't been keeping up with this thread... Kam, myself, and even Goodbye, Face have made countless posts trying to educate and help out, but people keep making the same stupid posts over and over and over and over and over again. Hence the current belligerence. And Miss Wem, yes, it would be ridiculous to expect him to what period a picture were in before he looked at it - but he posted that band AFTER listening to it. I wouldn't have gotten on his case if he hadn't been posting in this thread from its inception. He seems to be determined not to learn a thing. He knows better than to post about non-metal bands in the metal thread, hence me being annoyed. It's the same thing going into a thread about rap music and bringing up Cannibal Corpse. Were he a complete newbie who was misguided, I'd politely attempt to help him out and set him straight (as *gasp* I've done in the past, and some of the regs can probably attest to this).

[quote name='Premonition'][COLOR="1234"]Umm, I'm going to steer away from your conversation and say... Swallow the Sun. Two days ago I heard 3 Hours(or days... I wasn't in a thinking mood.) of Despair and they're awesome. It was an amazing song. I have a quick question, are the bands In Flames and Dope considered metal, metalcore or no. I heard somewhere that they are so I thought I'd ask.[/COLOR][/QUOTE] In flames used to be metal, now it's nu-metal with metalcore influences. Dope is nu-metal. So no, neither of them are metal. Panache, I promise if you type in Kreator at YouTube, you'll come up with some videos. Off the top of my head, I know for a fact they have a video for Enemy of God. [QUOTE]The only ****ing source I had was Wikipedia. How the hell am I supposed to determine the genre with no source? And how the hell are hey not metal?[/QUOTE] 1. I believe the "NEVER USE WIKIPEDIA TO LEARN ABOUT METAL" thing has been mentioned at LEAST a billion times in this thread. 2. Clue #1: It wasn't on Metal Archives. 3. You determine the genre without a source by *gasp* by listening to the music. 4. How are they not a metal band? Because none of their songs are metal songs. They are also not an R&B group. Why? Because none of their songs are R&B songs. The same concept applies to ragtime, pop, rap, country, and the multitude of other genres they are not.

[quote name='Panache'] Anyway I was listening to Kreator this morning on my bus. I wonder why this band wasn't more popular back in the 90's. I mean they have a really good sound. Anyway I am really digging Kreator now. I gotsta look up more of them.[/QUOTE] More popular? You do realise that Kreator is HUUUUUUGELY popular/mainstream, right? [QUOTE]Yakuza are a ****ing awesome Progressive Death Metal (going with that cuz they were absent from Metallum) from Chicago with a few albums out. They use some jazz and other weird influences in their music, though most of it is focused on the progressive death-ness. It's heavy and it quicks quite a bit of ***.[/QUOTE] I listened to Yakuza, and learned two things: 1. There's a reason they're not on Metal Archives. 2. You have absolutely no clue what "Progressive Death Metal" means.

[quote name='Premonition'][COLOR="77656"]Ooo, you growled! I'm just [I]shaking[/I]. :p[/COLOR][/QUOTE] Damn. I should have growled in all caps.

No, Premonition, stop crying and listen up: [I]One[/I] is not one of Metallica's "early metal songs". It's off the the last decent album they released. You realize Metallica recorded four (4) full-lengths albums and a ton of demos and EPs before the Black Album, right? They'd been a band for 7 years before One was recorded. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. And no, Woah Mann, Venom is nothing even close to shock-rock. They were a thrash metal band (and are considered to be the progenitors of black metal).

After I stop being a douchebag? Um... have you not noticed that I've been nothing but a douchebag for the three years I've been on this forum? I've actually been informed that I have accumulated 3 Official Douchebaggery Points (ODPs) from the moderators for my previous post. I like this new system. Now I can gauge my douchebaggery in a more precise manner. Kam, I haven't heard the new Iced Earth, though it's nice to hear Matt Barlow is back. He is excellent indeed (though I don't think people give Tim Owens enough credit... I think he did a great job). And Face, never use Cannibal Corpse as the comparison point for Death Metal. They certainly don't epitomize the genre. In fact, they're pretty low-tier death metal. Oh, and Kam, it might not have been my first post ever. I had a different screenname before this one (unless you already knew that and it was my first post with that screenname). EDIT: Kam, I just read that post of mine.... Holy ****, was I lame. Hahaha!

[quote name='2008DigitalBoy'][COLOR="DarkOrange"]the album Hope by Swallow the sun is one of the best metal albums I've heard in a while. The ony complaint I could possibly have is what will draw in most of it's fans - it is VERY grinding and dark. For instance, Doomed to Walk the Earth was basically too much for me, however other songs, such as the totle song, Hope, and Don't Fall Asleep (Horror Part 2) are awesome. [/COLOR][/QUOTE] Stop listening to Swallow the Sun.

[quote name='2008DigitalBoy'][COLOR="DarkOrange"]So I was introduced to some hilariously foreign band called Otyg and was wondering if they count as metal or what. Their stuff didn't sound particularly good, but they, too, did a cover of Holy Diver that is ****ING AWESOME. [url]http://youtube.com/watch?v=zQH4tWPNJkY[/url][/COLOR][/QUOTE] "Hilariously" foreign? Not particularly good? ... You know what? Do me and the band a huge favor and don't listen to them. Ever.

[quote name='0ber0n the Neko']In the case of Metal, there is most certainly a center around darker chord progressions, and technicality in guitars and drums.[/QUOTE] Nope. Power metal = not dark chord progressions. Black metal = not technical guitars. Both generally speaking, as there are exceptions, but overall, that's the case for both. I'm not going to bother defining the whole genre, as it takes a while and I do it too often to have the motivation while I'm this tired. Just know that the descriptions provided thus far are not a good basis for knowing what you're talking about. A good general rule of thumb, however, is "if it's advertised by Hot Topic, it's not metal". There are a few exceptions to this (Immortal, Amon Amarth, and Iced Earth are all bands whose shirts can be found at Hot Topics on occasion but are actually quality metal bands). Killswitch Engage is not a metal band, by the way.

[quote name='MissWem'][FONT=Arial][COLOR=sienna]I actually sat down and read through all 23 pages of this thread which took me about 3, 3 and a half hours to do so, only because I actually made attempts at looking up a few bands that got recommended on each page to see if I liked them.[/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=sienna]I'm glad I read through this, since I never quite realized how diverse metal really was and finding out I'm not really a metal-head, rather in fact my music tastes are all over the map (I won't mention what I like because I don't feel like getting kicked in the nuts.. if I had any to be kicked).[/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=sienna]My point in posting was to say the only band that I actually genuinely liked that got mentioned in here, somewhere... Kamelot. Thank you Jake ;)[/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=sienna]Symphonic metal? So my cup of tea, as long as it's not Lacuna Coil, or Nightwish feel free to recommend more to me.[/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=sienna]EDIT: Bad grammar and that I just listened to Ghost Opera again and I can barely even begin to describe how much they blow me away, the dramatic tones, suspenseful lulls and the vocalist is beautiful. His voice is remeniscent of The Phantom, the movie made version of him.[/COLOR][/FONT][/quote] Wow. You made it through every single page? Jeez... I feel like I owe you money or something... By the way, "Symphonic Metal" is not a genre. Kamelot is power metal. And Kevin, you realize you basically invited me to do that, right? :p And the lyrics are even more eloquent in Finnish, which they're originally written and sung in. I just posted the English ones so you could know what they're talking about. Moonsorrow's lyrics have actually always been very good, and definitely better than standard Viking metal fare. [FONT=Verdana][COLOR=blue]Heh, I took care of the double post for you so don't worry about it. For future reference though, you can delete your own posts by going in to edit them and using the delete form above the post editor.[/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Verdana][COLOR=blue]- Petie[/COLOR][/FONT]

[quote name='Goodbye, Face'][font=arial][size=1] So I like a non-sludge metal band now. Woah, guys. I just refuse to know what they're screaming about, or see any pictures.[/font][/size][/QUOTE] Here's a picture of them and an English translation of the lyrics from that album: [IMG]http://www.memoriesofobedientnaenia.com/images/moonsorrow_groupe.jpg[/IMG] [B][I]Born Of Ice / Stream Of Shadows[/I][/B] Through the death of the sun A new world is born A drop of water in cold To run on the hands of man One note of the still landscape Carries afar on the quiet lake Not even leaves move under my eyes Coldness alone floats under the surface And my body yearns for water It screams out for freedom Not from here to be found From nowhere for now Who would show the way to the one who is lost When time only approaches its end Death drifts on The stream of shadows The soil is grey And my heart gone Somewhere the road has forked astray Snow is covering the footprints from here Only the colours change under my eyes The solitary calmed down by coldness alone And my body yearns for water It screams out for freedom In a foreign city Endless search for beauty Soon everything will be purposeless Heaven's eyes already cast away One step to suffering, one step to freedom Should I stay here and nothing will I find Here only the shadows pass One after another They wait for no one Before me I see the mountains crumble Yet for a while I stand still As I feel how the flood is rising How I would desire to trick my fate To see the light and return Somewhere the sun always rises She whispers and points to the road It doesn't rain from the sea any longer Would it whip me awake, I wonder Alone among a thousand people Always somewhere else Roots torn up from the earth Once sent to live and to die How I would desire to trick my fate To see the light and return Hence for a while I stand still As I feel how the flood is rising Death drifts on The stream of shadows The soil is grey And my heart gone Soon everything will be purposeless Heaven's eyes already cast away One step to suffering, one step to freedom Should I stay here and nothing will I find [B][I]A Land Driven Into The Fire[/I][/B] The book of life written in blood Lies in the hands of the lord of the world of war This lasting winter could the dying endure Still calling the wolves when wounded The sword doesn't heal the forests' wounds What is written is undone by blood Hearken to the echoes of warcries The opposing shore will not wait for the dawn Clay from the earth, ash from the sky Offerings of the burnt soil from flames Waves from the sea, drops from the sky To calm the spirits of fire No one has looked at us from above The scourge has ripped through the clouds Race of rats on the deck of the world Grudge flames in the eyes of the prey When the west casts a shadow on east Whilst a poisoned mind desires glory Which was born of ice is now driven into fire The firemakers all drowned in black No man will say he sees the coming No man will say he fears Splinter your axes against the rocks Hang your heads and kneel Shed your skin to reveal your flesh Wallow in shame to sacrifice your kin The will of man like iron unbent Who was created flawless may hang his head He fears, but will die fighting In honour of gods he has never known The victor must wait for his moment To cast his words into the wind Rarely the mountais do move Even the strongest won't shift them alone Your flame is ablaze but once Behold as it wanes to veil the earth in ash Last sparkles die out in the depths of cold Death itself you may invite to find and fan them And so you shall weep, for the somber guest in your stay Spreads its wings over your beautiful life Blowing it out with one single breath To arms, you shall always hearken With your blood they veil the ground It's a path you will be followed on As long as the darkness may reach Claim your positions, you shall never be free In your coffins your children are carried The wrath of man cast upon the gods Right through strength kills the strong Defend your home, offer your loved to the ruin Burn the land left behind before burning yourself The wrath of man cast upon the gods Red clouds blur over the sky This is how it ends, heat sweeps the earth This is how it ends, I can see it now Red sky to encircle the rats The book of life written in blood From the hands of the lord of the world of war Lay down on earth with bindings charred And with all words made unsaid This is how it ends, I can see it now This page will be the last This is how it ends, to emptiness, to oblivion And none will ever return

[quote name='Kam'] I'm sure Kelly Clarkson and Tool have songs that are similar in some way, lyrically speaking. It's all in the same language, after all. -Justin[/QUOTE] Kelly Clarkson's music sounds just like it was lifted straight out Tool's "Lateralus" because it uses bass and drums. Remember this rule? It was covered earlier in the thread.

Wow. I hope you all realize I was joking when I got offended about my heritage. I tried to make that clear through very blatant sarcasm with my second post, but it seems no-one picked up on it somehow. As for the metal discussion, WHAT IS WITH EVERYONE COMPARING EVERY BAND EVER TO TOOL?!?!? STOP IT!!!

Yeah, a good number of crappy, second-rate, and glam metal bands do drugs, Panache. Many black and viking metal bands have actually made statements about the moronic nature of drug-use (and I'm not counting alcohol, so don't even start with semantics). And as for insulting the Norsemen, I'm [I]seriously[/I] offended, and my comments on the issue were very [I]serious[/I], and I'm glad everyone is upset and taking it [I]seriously[/I]. Don't do it again or you shall taste my steel! [I]Seriously[/I]! NO WAI 0BER0N I TOTALLY DIDNT KNO THAT AT ALL BCUZ I LRNED MY VIKING HISTORY FROM AMON AMARTH WHO ARE AWSOM I BOUGHT THEIR SHIRT AT HOT TOPIC OMZ Believe it or not, I do know a thing or two about Nordic history - and it was a very small portion of Vikings that did such things, and their form of use was very, very different from modern drug use. Also, historians aren't even entirely sure if this was true, or merely a myth that became large enough to present itself in their field of study.

It has nothing to do with musical genres. Smoking joints on toilets is for lesser-minded philistines who have no self-respect or ability to make themselves useful - quite contradictory to the might and glory of the Norsemen. Do not be so foolish as to disrespect as carelessly as you have. You and those of your bloodline will pay dearly at the hands of flame and thunder if you do so again.

[quote name='Panache']Nah they wrote it on the toilet smokin a joint Inside the deepest depth of of the Naglfar whilst the souls of the damned wailed in pain as they approached the citadel of agony.[/QUOTE] Why did you have to bring the Naglfar into something so stupid? Smoking joints whilst sitting on toilets is one of the least Norse things I can think of. Go away.

Electric Wizard sucks because they don't record in frostbitten forests beneath the ancient Northern fullmoon amidst weeping oaks and silent pines that are cloaked in the white robes of winter while the wolf howls cryptic tales of forgotten misery to eldritch gods upon astral thrones of antediluvean grandeur. Have you all learned nothing? And don't steal any of that. I think I'll use it as lyrics.

[quote name='0ber0n the Neko']It doesn't need be pretentious and written in a frostbitten northern forest to be decent metal, after all.[/QUOTE] Nope. You're wrong.

For Thor's sake, guys, this is the metal thread. Cut it out. Seriously.

[quote name='Panache']Bah I am not in a metal mood right now so I will look it all up tomorrow. Is there a such thing as like a metal band with reggae influences out there?[/QUOTE] No, there is not. There is, however, ultra-shittastic annoying mallcore with reggae influences called Skindred. Look up their song "Nobody" on Youtube. Strangely enough, that's probably exactly what you're looking for. It makes me want to vomit. And Dimmu Borgir sucks. Stormblast was pretty good (THE ORIGINAL, NOT THE SH!TTY REMAKE!!!), but they've done nothing but annoying extreme goth metal tailored for Hot Topic consumption for their past handful of albums. Blargh.