Darren

[COLOR=SlateGray][SIZE=1]At around noon, Chloe discovered that the sun was unbearably hot, and that she had never had this much sunlight in her life, not even at the tanning salon. She'd been out in the courtyard for about an hour and already, she had grass stains on her favorite pair of jeans, she had nearly been trampled to death by the group of boys playing football, and at one point, she was literally teleported on top of! And as excited as it may have been, in a romantic comedy type of way that Chloe had alwasy hoped for, the careless teleporter turned out to be a girl. On top of that, she was so enthralled in her book that she didn't even notice she had landed right on Chloe, let alone to stop and apologize. And still, not one cricket had been caught. Xander gave a few chirps of sadness. The poor thing hadn't gone this long without food in his entire life. Not that he needed it; Chloe spoiled him. Just then, a small black insect appeared on the surface of the rather tall grass and it was only a few feet away from her. She inched close enough and made a heroic dive to catch the critter, risking the change of ruining her shirt as well, only to miss by mere inches. [B]"Sorry,"[/B] she looked at the little gecko. He gave a few more chirps of hunger before settling into her purse. [B]"Way to show your confidence, pal."[/B] [B]"Excuse me, are you alright?"[/B] finally someone acknowledged Chloe and her problems. [B]"I'm sorry, but no. I've got grass stains all over, it's really freaking hot, I've literally been walked all over, and I can't seem to catch a damn cricket!"[/B] When she turned around, Chloe came face-to-face with a woman. She looked like she was in her late 20s, she was very slender and quite pretty for her being so short. [B]"Sorry? Why do you need--"[/B] She started to ask, but her answer came as Xander popped out of Chloe's purse and examined her with excitement as though she were food. [B]"My name's Shiana Mardeis. I haven't seen you around so you must be with that group that arrived yesterday, correct?"[/B] [B]"Yes. Hi, I'm Chloe Verena, it's nice to meet you."[/B] Chloe wiped her hands off on her jeans, making them even dirtier. [B]"Wait. Verena? Don't tell me you're--"[/B] Of course for the fifteenth time in six hours, [B]"Alfred Verena's daughter? Yes I am. Please don't tell me I look just like him, or I'll die."[/B] it didn't sound like Chloe was begging, but she truely was; it wasn't her strong suit. [B]"Well, actually, I was going to say that you didn't look a thing like your father. Or at least the pictures I've seen; he was before my time at Esper Hall."[/B] A sigh of releif left Chloe's lips at Shiana's words. Actually, Shiana had just slipped into her mind and saw how much she hated being told that, but what Chloe didn't know wouldn't hurt her. After a brief moment of awkward silence, when Shiana didn't leave, Chloe spoke up, [B]"I hope I don't seem rude, but what are you doing here?"[/B] [B]"Oh, well, this is my class,"[/B] Shiana looked around; they were the only two in sight. [B]"My rather small class. I hold it once a week at 12:30 and it's called Advanced Divinatory Experimentation and Comparative Future Engineering."[/B] [B]"I don't see anybody else here,"[/B] The title alone was enough to intimidate anyone. Chloe had no doubt why there was no one there. [B]"They're alwasy a little late. In fact, this is considered was one of the more prestigious classes in the community."[/B] Chloe didn't even need Esper powers to see that Shiana was lying through her teeth. Since she wasn't wanting to be rude, and secretly hoping to escape from that horrible classe, Chloe decided to cut the conversation short, [B]"Well, I don't wan to interrupt things for you. I'll just get Xander and go."[/B] She picked up her purse and started to walk off. Chloe didn't make it 10 feet before Shiana interrupeted, [B]"Wait. I think I can help you with a few things."[/B] Shiana was reading Chloe's mind and discovering how truly upset she was about her grass-stained clothes and not having food for her gecko. [B]"I'll take care of the food for Xander and those grass stains if you agree to join my class. It's no big deal, and there's really no homework. I just need someone else to show up besides the weird teleporting girl who's alwasy reading and getting lost."[/B] [I]"So that's who that girl was who teleported on me,"[/I] At least now Chloe knew it happened often. [B]"Well, since you're so much better at begging than me, I guess it wouldn't hurt anything."[/B] Instantly, The grass stains were gone and Shiana was holding a Ziploc bag of live crickets. [B]"Thank you so much. You won't regret it."[/B] [B]"With your kind of power, I don't think I will."[/B] And the two girls sat down for their first official class.[/SIZE][/COLOR]

Well as much as I despise most all commercials, there's one Orbitz gum commercial that I can watch over and over... It's the one where the woman walks in on her husband and his secratary and she starts off-cursing... (I don't have a better word for it: Basically, where there would be a curse word, has been replaced by a funny word!) And the husband replies "What the french, toast?" It doesn't sound or look as funny without watching the commercial... But, eh, that commercial makes my day no matter how angry or sad I am... :catgirl:

[QUOTE=I'm Not Nomura][COLOR=HotPink][B]Wait...Emo is a style of music...and...I've never cut myself lol. Darn you people and your sudden conclusions about Nomura. Darn you to all to heck. And to the people that think I'm sexy, Thank you. I'd just like to point out, that I really. Really. Really. Want to steal Ikillion's hair-do. Afros=teh ****. Even Retri works it. It would work out better than the constant twitch I get. But actually, that's because of my minor- tourettes. lol[/B][/COLOR][/QUOTE] Well, even though I agree with you about Emo being a style of music, we all know it's developed into something far greater--or worse, depending on your point of view. Emo has developed into a style the same way preppy is a style. (only preppy wasn't influenced by music, but that's besides the point) And while most will agree that Emo's don't ALL cut their wrists, with lyrics like Hawthorne Height's, "Cut my wrists and black my eyes," (And yes, I'm aware that's not what the song is actually about, but just proving the stereotype) it doesn't help the characteristics of that style of haircut, some well-placed piercings, eye make-up, and of course black clothes... So even though I'm on your side, it's still fun to join in and poke fun of the little emo kid! haha :p

*whew* I was worried after Metal Paw dropped out, and I had to go after Jigglyness, that I would have to worry about matching colors correctly... But it seems to be fairly simple and I like the design... I'll just have to come up with something creative, and I'll try to have it up by Monday at the latest! Thanks [B]EDIT:[/B] Done... A bit later than my own deadline, but it's still Monday in part of the country :p [URL=http://img233.imageshack.us/img233/2854/wormprojectmp1.jpg]Lighten Up[/URL]

Looks like everyone's posted, DB! Now 'tis time to start the fun!!!

[SIZE=1][COLOR=SlateGray]Chloe's alarm clock rang at a shocking seven o' clock in the morning. She was always a bit of a morning person and she never had the opportunity to decorate her room or explore the community they day before. The ride to the community was painful enough, with constant bumps on mostly gravel roads, she went stratight to bed after her tour with Joe. She stood up, stretched, got dressed, and proceeded to unpack her several suitcases. Chloe was actually shocked that the other people on the bus ride had little to nothing with them. But she was prepared for at least a year's stay at Esper Hall. She unpacked her clothes first, finding that there wasn't enough room in her closet. [I]"Well that's something I need to have Joe fix,"[/I] she thought. Her mother had alwasy told her of Espers who were able to bend reality in order to make small spaces bigger or big spaces appear smaller. Surly it wouldn't be too difficult to make her closet a bit bigger. Next, she unpacked her make-up and endless morning supplies and loaded them into the bathroom. Chloe, once again, found that there wasn't enough space and so she was forced to find creative spots to conceal her toiletries. She changed the sheets and comfortors on her bed with the ones that she had brought from home, moved her bed in front of the window in order to get more sun, put all of her fantasy books and fairy tales on the bookshelf, loaded the desk with all kinds of silly trinkets and things, put her posters of famous Japanese singers and actors up around her wall, (not to mention all of her flags and pictures of beautiful scenery) found a perfect spot on the bedside table for Xander, her gecko, and stuffed the remaining junk( that her mother insisted that she bring) underneath her bed. Then... [B]"I'm hungry,"[/B] she said to herself. Actually, she directed it towards her leaf-tailed gecko, who responed with a brief chirp of agreement and crawled onto the door of his cage, signifying his wanting out. [B]"Let's scour this place for some food,"[/B] she stated as she picked up Xander and placed him on her shoulder. The gecko a few more chirps of happy agreement and the pair set out in search for food. It didn't take long before Chloe had found her way to the cafeteria. She was actually exploring as much of it as possible, trying to find the many different rooms that her mother had told her about. Once she remembered the path Joe had led them the night before, it was easy getting to the study hall, which Chloe remembered having a map on the wall. After that, it was fairly easy making her way to the cafeteria. She was making surprising time, making it to the cafeteria at 9:35. While she was eating, she noted several of people from the day before show up there at different times. They all set at different tables, chatting away with their friends. Xander gave a few low and sympathetic chirps in her ear. He seemed to know what she was thinking about. [B]"Don't worry, we'll make friends."[/B] In the middle of breakfast, she was interruped by several older looking people asking if she was the daughter of Alfred and after the tenth time, she decided that her breakfast was done. On her way out, however, she found Joe wandering the hallways. [B]"Hey! I have a favor to ask"[/B] she called. He acted like he didn't hear her. In fact, Chloe could have sworn that he picked up his pace. [B]"Joe Deadrien!"[/B] She screamed loud enough for the entire room to turn their heads. He stopped and reluctantly turned his head. Chloe didn't really blame him; people ususlly got bad first impressions with her. Probably because she talked too much or asked too many questions. At least she had his attention. [B]"Ah, Chloe. I didn't see you there, I was just looking for all of our newcomers--"[/B] [B]"Yeah okay. Can you do something about my closet?"[/B] She was very blunt, but the thought of her many outfits remaining in her suitcase, getting more wrinkled by the second really irritated her. [B]"What seems to be the problem?"[/B] Now he'd done it. Chloe hoped he didn't have something important to do. [B]"Well first off, it's too small; I can't fit all of my clothes in there and I remember this one time my mom told me that people can make spaces bigger. Too bad they can't make them prettier or else this place wouldn't be so drab. I mean seriously, who built this place? I bet it was some old person. The walls are pale and ugly, the rooms and closests are small,..."[/B] She went on and on, Joe seemed to be zoning out, but Chloe threw in a couple of 'are you listening,' to keep him on his toes. When she had finished, Joe said plainly, [B]"I'll see what I can do,"[/B] and then he turned to walk off. With another chirp in her ear, Xander meant to remind Chloe of his source of food, [B]"Oh wait, Joe? There's one more thing."[/B] She called out to him. He froze and let out a deep heavy sigh before turning back, [B]"What is is, Chloe?"[/B] [B]"Do you know where I can get some crickets?"[/B] [B]"And why would you need crickets?"[/B] Joe hadn't realezed the small maroon-brown gecko resting on her shoulder. She grabbed him off her shoulder and held him out to Joe, [B]"Well because Xander's hungry. He needs some crickets."[/B] Joe looked like he had a million questions, but restrained himself out of fear of being talked to death. With another sigh he spoke very simply, [B]"In the summer months, we're alwasy swarmed with insects. Go outside and see if you can find some."[/B] Chloe found it rude to suggest that Xander could hunt when he'd been bred as a pet, but when she started to protest, Joe vanished, teleporting himself to who-knows-where. Chloe hated the idea, but didn't really have much of a choice. [B]"I guess we're going hunting little buddy,"[/B] she said and Xander gave several small chirps of fear.[/COLOR][/SIZE]

[quote name='Curse]I [i][b]hated[/b][/i'] DADT Aff?s.[/quote] AMEN!!! In our tournaments, we like to travel to as many other districts as possible to scope out competition and find out what we'll be going against at state. Basically, we knew everyone's cases before we even got to state, so even if they changed cases, we had the evidence. We had Three DADT cases, and each of them were slightly different than the last. One of them actually managed to beat us at a tournament, but we took 'em out early at state... Our biggest competition actually dropped out at state, so that's probably why we did so good. (They thought that they weren't ready for state. They placed 1st at regionals. We placed 4th. We were the only team from our region to place in the top 3 at state) I remember, there was this one team in Semi-finals who actually had evidence (in the form of a newspaper) from that morning! (Their Aff. was a draft case) And so, in my 1NR, I used her newspaper to completely dissect her arguments by pointing out that she ignored most of the fine print the article stated. And actually, this was my first year as a debater as well. I had only done it once before (at only one tournament) and I made a fool out of myself so I stopped doing it... Then a couple years later, after I got over the public speaking fear, I gave it another shot. And it didn't hurt that my partner was in her 3rd year of debating...

:p Fine! I'll shut up about it... And I just won't read every poem that Copycatalyst posts... Even though I'm a bit too lazy to have to scroll down those long ones. (And I thought mine were long...) Anywho, I won't waste my time rehashing all this stuff... Opinions are opinions, and mine was just that. As for the argument, I just perceived it all wrong, but I guess that's a good thing... To Prem: You haven't done anything, so don't apoligize. That was just my way to give an example without being caught in a contradiction. (Which I failed at) I still stand by my decision not to post poetry or stories here anymore, but I'm definatley willing to give out some critiques! Here 'goes: [QUOTE=Copycatalyst][center]welcome to the door that you stand beside, my copycatalyst, just turn that drainknob, go inside; it's what you want to see so why would you stop inevitability? this is the door of your perception, limited, because of your own deceptions. which, by using, you condemn others to not condemn yourself the heat of hate opens no true door, pandora's box, endless in deplore, making chaos contours of chaste red rust hate-hated dust of blood hastes down the drain, let the blood drain, our bodies can and will be given up for each other, for the sake of our ignorance rat-tat-tat machine gun bullets in iraq echoing the blood onto the walls of our eyes i took the blood of your cud, put it in a blender sea of pain pushed and pushed till i knew the hurt only speaks kissing dis-ease that i'm standing speaks sieves, of how much we fall through to turn the drainknob, watch it go build a door to dante's inferno below[/center][/QUOTE] Well right from the beginning, it's a bit of a turn off for me. It's much better than the other one I critiqued, but with such unnattractive words like, "drainknob," It doesn't make me want to continue. And I think I get that you were going for a darker more gritty feel to the poem, but certain words just leave me out of the loop. Fortunately I persisted, and found the second stanza to be beautiful... The play on words is genius and I think you could make a four-line poem out of this stanza alone. I wouldn't change a thing about it. (Not that you would change anything anyway) Ultimately, It's a good poem about the cruelty of mankind, but the drawback is that you spent too much time on imagery and not enough suggestive examples. What I mean is that, for example, in this stanza: "down the drain, let the blood drain, our bodies can and will be given up for each other, for the sake of our ignorance" You touch on what the poem's about and even give us some ideas... I know that the US military was running through my head as I read it but when it came down to actual examples, you provided only two lines: "rat-tat-tat machine gun bullets in iraq echoing the blood onto the walls of our eyes" All I'm saying is that the imagery was used so much that the example wasn't needed since it makes the poem more unbalanced. There you have it: A much more simple, less harsh critique of a poem by Copy... See, I can do it. Hells doubted it. He said I wasn't nice enough. :p P.S. Copycatalyst: I would still like to know if I guessed the meaning to that other poem I reviewed correctly... Or this one, for that matter.

[quote name='2007DigitalBoy][COLOR=Magenta']I find it funny how most of them seem to be at least slightly emo - that can only lead to hijinks :animesmil [/COLOR][/quote] Don't worry, that will change with Chloe... She's the exact opposite. Anyway, I'm surprised that the thread was put up already, but I must say DB, nice job of intriguing me. There's nothing I hate more than an RP that provides no story... And even though you only hinted at a story, it still makes it interesting enough to post. I'll do that tomorrow, I assume. Maybe later tonight. (Like around midnight, which would actually still be considered tomorrow, so whatever)

[SIZE=1][B]"Things have certainly taken a strange turn,"[/B] Oromis spoke up after several minutes of staring at enless wildflowers. [B]"You mean more strange than being brought back to life?"[/B] Delilah Rousseau had a good point to Mary. It wasn't every day that she got a second chance at life. And it seemed that the dark man called Etamet also got a second chance. And from Delita's explination, it seemed that she was no longer Delita but someone else. Mary didn't know because she'd never met Delita before her second life, but it seemed that the only [I]true[/I] survivor was Brittany. [I]"Maybe that's why she was chosen to be changed into a cat."[/I] She thought. [B]"We should hurry and pick a path unless we want to succumb to another trap,"[/B] Delita spoke up. Mary didn't care which way they went, it all looked just as beautiful and it couldn't have been any worse than death. Well, Mary thought of it as undead, even though it was completely against her beliefs. She was always told that ghosts and ghouls are only stories told to children to make them behave, but now that she had experienced it herself, she wasn't so sure. It all felt like a bad dream. Mary was completely conscious during the experience but it was almost as though she were blind, running aimlessly in all directions for an exit hidden in the darkness. Then, without warning, a beautiful hand of light reached down and she grabbed hold, landing her right back in the Panopticon. Mary had wished it were a dream, but at least she wasn't [I]officially[/I] dead. She hoped that it would never happen again. [B]"I think it's best if we just start walking,"[/B] Etamet picked a direction and headed down the gentle slope, making a small pathway in the forest of tiny wildflowers. The rest followed, but Mary could tell that some didn't like being followers, namely Oromis and Delita. Her master had alwasy told her that some were natural leaders and others were important followers. But if too many chose the same job, complications would surly follow. Mary was a happy follower, but she only hoped that she would live to see her home before anything bad happened between the group. In fact, the field of wildflowers reminded Mary of her home with a few small differences. Her master's summer home had a large meadown with wildflowers. Even though, the smelled different, Mary couldn't help but think about her life before all of this happened. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, as if she were memorizing the scent of the field. When she opened them, however, it was not a meadow at all. She was back in her palace, with a bucket in hand. She was apparently doing chores, but Mary was so thrown off that she dropped the bucket, spilling dirty water all over the shiny wooden floor. [B]"Mary! Did you break something?"[/B] It was the master's wife! Now she was sure it was all just a dream. [B]"No--No, mamm. I just dropped a bucket."[/B] [B]"Well, do be more careful next time."[/B] That shrewd voice couldn't be duplicated for anything. Mary was back in her home, in her own time. [B]"What is this place?"[/B] a deep voice called behind her. Even though it had kindness, Mary's heart sank as each word passed. She turned to face Etamet. [B]"Is this your home? Did we leave the Panopticon?"[/B] [B]"Well obviously not or we wouldn't be standing in Mary's home."[/B] Delita appeared next to her, and just shortly after, the entire group was in her home, dirtying her master's floors with their muddy shoes and feet, all down to the feline Brittany. It was all Mary could do to keep from crying. Her hopes were dashed and she was immediately thrust back into the heart of the CCC. It was fair to assume that her master and mistriss weren't real as well, making the realization all the more difficult. Perhaps that shrewd voice wasn't so difficult to mimic. Suddenly, a loud scream followed by a crash from one of the master's many vases resonated through the hallway. It was the mistriss and it appeared to be coming from the second guest waiting room. [B]"Mary!"[/B] She screamed, a tone of seriousness was in her voice. As she began heading that way, Delita spoke up, [B]"Be careful. This is still the Panopticon. It may look like your home, but it's not. You can still die."[/B] Her warning went without heed as Mary entered the room, sliding the big wooden door away to reveal the mistress standing over a body. It was face down and a pool of blood was spreading at an alarming pace. There was a large hole in the back of the body's head and it seemed to be dressed down into normal clothing. [B]"How could you?"[/B] The mistriss raved as she paced back and forth over the corpse, gripping onto the sofa the entire time. Mary was stunned; utterly pulled in and fooled by the complexities of this "room" in the Panopticon... She could only stammer in her Mistress' prescense, which was also duplicated exactly, [B]"I--I didn't do anything. I swear it,"[/B] [B]"You little lier. There's blood all over you."[/B] Mary looked down for the first time and realized that she was still in her same clothes from the Panopticon: Dirty from mud and sweat and bloody from all the stuff she had been through. Her hands were stained a deep red color and she immediately tried to rub it off on her petticoat. [B]"Don't ever lie to me,"[/B] the mistress continued, a tone of ferocity entered her voice. A tone that Mary had never heard before. [B]"An eye for an eye,"[/B] she said as she pulled one of her husband's rifles out of nowhere and aimed it at Mary, [B]"You must be punished,"[/B] Mary ran, adrenaline pumping through every muscle, making her run even faster. The first pop exploded through the corridor, sending the bullet flying passed Mary's head. Another scream emerged from her Mistress-- this woman that was trying to kill her. Mary was certain that this was not her home anymore. She turned a couple of corners and ran up the back staircase to the Master's office, and hid inside a closet. There were no locks, but it sounds like the crazed woman had lost her. Only Brittany the cat would give away their location now and even she was stone silent, her each twitching at every small movement. Seconds later, Mary heard several more gun shots from the rifle, followed by the screams of Delilah. Mary heard Oromis yell something, but she couldn't make it out from her current location. [I]"Please be okay,"[/I] she said to herself as she cowered in the darkest corner of her master's fake closet.[/SIZE]

I will post tonight! Promise! I have no excuse for not posting. I guess I just didn't want to. (I never liked being the first one) Plus, I've been keep track of some other threads that don't really require a lot of thinking, so it's more tempting to post... Ah well, I've hit upon a good idea to use for my next post, and possibly the one after, so just wait and you'll see... Tonight... [B]EDIT:[/B] There, I put them in a mansion with a crazy lady carrying a rifle. Have fun! :D

[QUOTE=2007DigitalBoy][COLOR=DarkOrange]We're having a battle? I've been agreeing with half of his opinions, right? And anyway, no matter what I did, Copy was bound to be every other post (just like the last poetry thread years ago :p) I was just critiquing him and throwing in some poems of my own along the way to stay on-topic. And anyway, i've only posted 4 or 5 poems in the last month, so I don't know where you're getting that I've been spamming it up, especially when 4 of them were short as hell (ne even a haiku >_>) only one was an abomination that I did as a parody of m here. I think your the one who needs to Chillax XD Also, why are you ignoring poor Prem?[/COLOR][/QUOTE] Yeah, DB, that's why I didn't really say anything about yours... But seriously, the past day or two has been nothing but you two (With one or two from Prem) Copycatalyst would be better off creating his own poem dump at the rate he's going... P.S. Ignoring Prem is all I can do because... Well, we'll just leave it at that. And to Copycatalyst: I never said that we should limit it to just one post per day, but haven't you noticed that no one else is posting on this besides you, DB, Prem, and now myself? There's the occasional post from someone else, but sometimes it goes completely ignored. As I said earlier, you would be better off creating your own poem dump instead of unleasing 5 a day on a this poor and defenseless thread. (and yes, 5 is an over-exaggeration) And fine, I over-reacted about your, "battle of wits," but I couldn't tell since it just seemed to be going back and forth between you two and intents are lost with typed words, so sue me. In any case, I still say that this thread is being killed by not letting anybody else get a post in. That, and the fact that the critiques have been way down when that was one of the purposes of this thread.

Yay, a Debate nerd! I have found my soul mate. Nah, actually, I don't really like debate... It's boring and CX is just too strict with rules... In any case, we ran a Learn and Serve Aff. over service learing... It was pretty funny, because most didn't have any Neg. evidence over it and the one's that did really only hit topicality and then we just talked about T not being a voting issue... My partner's the big debate buff, however we work as a team. She knows all the technical stuff and knows which cases are good and how to attack them. I just have excellent speaking skills and I know how to improv and make it sound good. Plus, I'm much more organized than she is so I know what evidence is where when she asks for it... :p We ended up getting third at State. How we managed to do that, I'll never know.

Ohmigod!!! Guys, please cut it out... You're practically spamming this thread out of some stupid competition of wits... (Or at least that's what it seems like) You two have single-handedly taken a good thread and turned it into a spam fest/poetry contest where you can argue back and forth... I came here to read up some people's poetry and maybe post some of my own, but at the rate these [I]things[/I] you call poems are being pumped out, no one else will even be albe to read my own work before you two have booted it to the next page. However, since there were so many new poems (divieded between DB and Copy) there was no way I was going to read all of them, so I'll just give a brief review over this one: [QUOTE=Copycatalyst]DNA Wormhole Relative spacetime continuum Life The criss-cross of subjective being Crucified cruxes vector crescendoes healing Hopscotch done in quantum time The linear line that is bent by bees of the hive Asymptote tote bags on your eyes Deoxyribonucleic acid; polymerization, aganine, guanine, Make the bonds, onto the line Infinity in a linear unity, but there's more to find Seashell of being, Mollusk of coelacanth of algae seaing The shores wash with the blood of our veins: Red see--blind yourself Oedipus the octopus With your mother's brooches, in shame; in the ink of being the oil is obsidian Gouge your eyes out with Earth and soil My earthworms with skin like nails Such pain, but such twisting never-everending The trajectory of the X & Y graph is bending. . . Posthumans are ascending I love you all, let's dine I'd eat your pain just for it be sublime I'd break my wings to be a fallen clock of time I'd be a cannibal of suffering To know the feather's fluffering That beatific angels fly[/QUOTE] This is going to sound harsh, but try not to take opinions too personally. Maybe I'm just stupid. (However, I already expressed my feeling on getting into a battle of wits; not interested) Two words: WORD VOMIT I think I got the general idea of what your poem was about... Life & Death? Creating life? Life after Death? (Ah, well, three strikes you're out, I guess) Something to do with that... However, just throwing big words like that doens't make it have meaning... In fact, it takes away. People get lost in the words and your intent goes without notice. To use some of these words in the fashion that you did, should be illegal. It's definately grammatically incorrect, but there should be a fine of some sort. I'll explain. Lines 1-4: I believe I know what you were trying to say here. I think you meant to be comparing the small aspects of life to large aspects in the universe. (However, I like most, aren't familiar with the science bit you threw in there, dealing with "wormhole" and "relative space-time continuum" so I'm not exactly sure if my summation is correct) Lines 5-8: Here's what it translated to in my head: "The contradictions of one's mind, Dead topics carry increased healing, Jumping around in the [U]brain,[/U] A line is curved by [bees of the hive]" Okay, now do you see what I'm talking about??? When translated, it makes a little sense, but not completely. for example, after my mind percieves line 6 as dead topics carrying increased healing, it provides a contradicion... Dead topic=no healing... And even substituting your original words: "Crucified cruxes vector crescendoes healing" (Crucified crux= no vectoring crescendo healing) And the word crescendoes doesn't even fit there. (Not to mention that it's spelled "-dos") That's saying more than one increasing when the word healing is enough to lead someone to the conclusion of more than one... I underlined "brain" simply because I wasn't sure what you were getting at with the word quantum time... I perceived it as though you were comparing life with the universe again... Saying that the brain is like quanum time. (Again, I don't know anything about "Quanum time," so if I'm way off here, you can only blame yourself for word coice) And that last line is just awful. "A linear line"??? A straight line would have sufficed since you indicated that it was straight by the part where it's being bent! WORD VOMIT Also, I kept the phrase "bees of the hive," because I understand that you were going for a deeper meaning... And even using your version, to me, that line means that good ideas are often distorted by the collective mind of idiots. (for lack of a better word) I'm not going to cover every single line... I think that the first 8 are enough to prove my point. Your poem was riddled with bad spelling, (it's "Adenine," not "Aganine.") annoying sentence usage, (e.g. double prepositions) complex vocabulary, (trajectory, coelacanth, etc.) bad sentences, ("To know the feather's flutter") and confusing comparisons. (Such as the simile "My earthworms with skin like nails") Not to mention that you jumped subjects. I get that you're comparing life to the universe, and even though it's okay, why in GOD'S name did you throw a literature metaphore in there??? Oedipus should have stayed out of it and you could have still found some other word to use that wouldn't be so ADHD-ish... In conclusion, It's nice to have a large vocabulary, but it's better to know how to use it. Otherwise, it all just becomes WORD VOMIT no matter how much sense it actually makes. You're trying to make your readers feel something, not put them to sleep or give them a headache. Think about that. I don't know if this is a recent poem or something you wrote a while back, but if it's new, I'll say you need to calm down and let the poetry come to you. Don't force it when you're in an online argument with DB. Arguments are stupid anyway... "Chillax" ~~~~~~~~~~ Anyway, like I said, I would have posted some of my own stuff, but now I'm not so sure about this thread anymore. And since it's critique-worthy, I stayed within my bounds... I would have critiqued more, but it was spammed so much (Yes, I'm referring to the recent poems as spam just because they were so horrible) that I couldn't read all of them and I found that I had so much to say about one poem that it would take up too much effort to review all of them. And before you go and flame me for my [B]OPINION[/B], remember that when you post your own stuff up on a forum to be critiqued, you're setting it up to every person that's a member here. So, if this isn't the kind of feed-back you want, deal with it or don't post anymore... (Or post better poetry) Have a nice day! :D

[quote name='Curse']Darren, did you debate this year? Technically last year, but you know what I mean.[/quote] Why, yes. Yes I did. :cool:

I don't have to pull any stunts except fake a few stomach cramps. I hardly ever miss school or get sick, so when I tell my parents I'm sick, they believe me. Of course it comes with a bit of well played acting... Usually I just have to act lazy and stay in bed. If need be, I'll go to the bathroom and make heaving noises followed by flushing the toilet so my mom can't tell. But I haven't had to do that since I was 10; she just takes my word for it now. I don't mess with temperatures and all that stuff. Not all sicknesses gives you a fever! That's why I would hate it my parents were the type to say, "No fever. You must not be sick." Luckily my mom works for a medical staffing agency, so she's knowledgable on stomach viruses and such. Also, I recently developed some serious dizzy spells (no lie) and I had to be checked out of school for them. So now, I use that to my advantage occassionally. Whenever I don't feel like mowing the lawn or whatever, I just pretend that I'm too dizzy to stand up. That way, I don't have to do whatever and I get to sleep all day!

1) Ha, that's easy. Speech/Debate & Drama/Theatre. (They're basically the same thing, but the first one focuses on competitions while the second works on stage combat and set lighting and all that fun stuff) Being that I'm the "top dog," at my school for acting, and there's no real grading system, (meaning that the more medals you win, plays you act in or go to, participate in fund raisers, the better your grade) I have no problem scoring a 100% each semester in both classes. 2) Worst subject: Math... I can do basic stuff (which is why Accounting was easy this past year) and even a bit of Algebra, but once you get to Algebra 2 and Geometry and Trigonometry, it all goes over my head. Luckily, I finished my math credits up early and I didn't have to take any more this past year or next year.

[QUOTE=Premonition][B][COLOR=Navy]I tried that and it didn't work!>_O DigitalBoy, your life partner is lying![/COLOR][/B][/QUOTE] No no, you want to use Axe because it has added "Bow chika wow wow!" Seriously. Commercials don't lie.

This would be more accurate since it's the right size and all: [IMG]http://img207.imageshack.us/img207/1647/untitled1fb4.jpg[/IMG] Haha, I kid... (Plus, it's got black on it. I couldn't find a better one) And SunfallE, I found the perfect emote for you... I hope you like it. [IMG]http://img440.imageshack.us/img440/8679/pokerevisedbyshicken05wr4.gif[/IMG]

Thank you, Rachmaninoff... At leas someone remembered. Sad thing is that you don't even know me! haha. I was up until 5 this morning so I'm a bit out of it, but if I did have a card like Sandy's I wouldn't PK DB, I'd PK all the other characters except mine... So you might want to reconsider. (But that would be completely awesome if I actually won) Anywho, I think I'm going out tonight so don't expect too much activity from me concerning OB. I'll be back though and hopefully you guys will have 50 posts for me to read in the underground like you ususally do when I take a break. (Even though I complain about them, I kinda miss those)

Well since it's not necessarily a role-playing game, is it just searching for clues and the posting our findings in the thread, or will it be kinda "Clue"-like in the sense we'll post in the main thread as though it were a story. And is it a competition or a collective thing??? And where would the clues be hidden? (Assuming that it's not a collective story) Would they be anywhere on OB or elsewhere? I have way too many questions but it's like BK said, it's already interesting just from the mystery of your intro. I'll give it a shot.

So, I assume we still have to each post once before the use of our cards? I know things have gotten confusing since this little argument got started, (and for the fact that it seems to be settled, I won't say my opinion on the matter) so I'm just wondering since the rules have been changed, another character was added, and Sandy now has a death card... Does that posting rule still apply?

Well it's a good thing you decided not to bring Katar back... As I have experienced during the maze, it really pisses me off when the ones I kill (like Oromis) come back to life!!! Ah!!! God, that sucks... But it was a very entertaining post. The pictures were very nice. I think I'll head off to bed as well. But good work DB. (and here I thought I would get a special birthday card and get to god-mod your ***) I cuss a lot more than normal when I'm tired. I guess I could edit it, but I just don't want to. I can't even believe I'm still up when I can't remember the last time I was this tired... I'll save the rambling, (and any more curse words that I might say) and go to bed. Thanks, in advance, to DB for making such an awesome RP... :sleep:

[quote name='Rachmaninoff']Oh and Sandy, if you haven't used that card yet, I say we extend it a day and you use it to completely and totally clobber DB![/quote] Haha, or we could just wait until tomorrow and then let me use the card! But, seriously, if DB doesn't have this posted by Tomorrow, I think it's safe to say that we'll [I]ALL[/I] clobber him!

Yay, Pictures! I love pictures (not so much of me, but still: Pics=FUN!) And leave it to DB to make a picture thread. Surprisingly, I hadn't expected some of you guys to actually look the way you do... I guess and I'm usually wrong. Oh well! [URL=http://img453.imageshack.us/img453/4071/untitled2qx3.jpg]Then[/URL] That's me back in February at a photoshoot thingy for some acting-majig... Blah, I don't pull the whole "bad boy" look off, (which wasn't what I was trying to do, but the developed pictures don't lie and that's what it looks like to me) but hey, the photographer told me what to do so back off! [URL=http://img453.imageshack.us/img453/4498/dsc00156zp0.jpg]Now[/URL] And that's me last Monday. I got it cut and decided to take a picture... It's not a great view of what my hair looks like but you can see it's up, and black, and not so long. (major understatement) Plus, I shaved! Yay for razors... Anywho, sorry the picture's so blurry, I only had a camera phone at the time so I couldn't help it. And if you're wondering why there's no smile: Looking at my braces of one year makes my stomach hurt every time... They're hideous.