2010DigitalBoy

[COLOR=DarkOrange]First - spell check. Very important. Now, in this poem I see a problem that a lot of rising poets face. Your rhymes seem increadibly forced. For instance... [I]= She just wants to feel sorrow, and nothing more. = = She wants to see her own gore =[/I] Either of these lines sounds very strange. the first line I say this about because of the word 'just' which downplays the seriousness of the line (you tend to do this a lot it seems). The second line just sounds peculiar. Unless this is a death-metal song or something, it doesn't really belong. [I]She wants to feel the blood run through her veins[/I] What's wrong here is phrasing. Your blood is always running through your veins. Perhaps 'she wants to feel her blood shoot from her veins' would fit better? [I]= It?s not her time, = = Yet she repeats the rhyme. = = It?s like a never ending song. = = One she knows that?s wrong. = = But she still bleeds, = = and cries herself to sleep. =[/I] This is the most flawed stanza in the poem. It very much feels like you only threw the line 'rhyme' in there for the sake of rhyming with 'time.' 'It's like a never ending song' seems like it was only created because you used the word 'rhyme' and wanted to continue the song reference. It doesn't fit the morose nature of the poem. For the third stanza 'her life clock is about to drop' is a strange line. Her clock's going to [I]drop[/I]? How about... Her clock is not ready to stop But her body's about to drop Or something like that? If a rhyme doesn't work, don't use it. As more of a nitpick, I think you're mising the word 'herself' in the line 'while she tears apart.' The last stanza might work better if the rest of the poem had been good enough. Remember, instead of creating more of the same, fix what you have.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]If you're looking for fighting games, go for [B]Guilty Gear[/B]. It's a pretty big series, mostly on PS2 but I've got an Xbox one (my preferred controller). It's a very expansive fighter with a large cast of characters who ACTUALLY have unique moves. No other fighter really compares in terms of creativity or coolness. I'd consider it a must-have for fighting game fans. I can see you like RTS games, but if you ever want to try out turn-based strategy, go for [B]Disgaea[/B]. It's fun, it's hiarious, and you can play it near eternally. Also, you should check out the [B]Ratchet And Clank [/B] games, namely[B] Going Commando [/B] and [B]Up Your Arsenal[/B]. All of them are pretty cheap and provided great fun in platforming-meets-action gaming. Not much more fun can be had.[/COLOR]

[QUOTE=DeathKnight][color=crimson]So you can be melodramatic and self-centered at once under this plan? I dig it.[/color][/QUOTE] [COLOR=DarkOrange]Yes, it's quite fun this way. Cuz it's like, not only does no one else matter, but you matter even more! [/COLOR]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]For this week, it's mostly been the first 3 songs from [B]Opeth's [/B] [B]Damnation [/B] album. [B]Windowpane[/B], [B]In My Time Of Need[/B], and [B]Death Whispered A Lullaby [/B] are all beautiful and well composed tracks, all worth a litsen and guaranteed to get stuck in your head for a good while. In fact, [B]Windowpane [/B] is the song featured in my signature and banner. Another addicting [B]Opeth [/B] track is [B]Master's Apprentices[/B]. One of the few screamy songs with that capability.[/COLOR]

[QUOTE=Retribution][size=1]Irony! Anyway, I love the idea Adahn. Everyone loves bragging. [/size][/QUOTE] [COLOR=DarkOrange]Eh, what I am called and what I am are 2 very different things.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]Sure, why not celebrate Valentines day. A day about... some martyrs who died? What is it with holidays and having nothing to do with the people they're named after? No, I have no valentine. The only thought I'll even have of this day is my mom teasingly asking who my valentine is and me sternly replying, 'no one.' and her thinking she's smart and knowing better, and me wishing a comet would fall on me. The end.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]The few who i have earned the respect of shall soon toss it out, lol. Good? I'm really fraking smart. As a child, people said I was a prodigy, and I still manage to stump people in regular conversation. i know all the answers and people have called me 'the human dictionary' in every english class i've ever had. I have a deeper understanding of most thuings than most people, and when I look at the people around me, i consider them to be stupid. Not only that, but i'm not ugly! I've got beautiful hair, my face isn't breaking out, and I may not be bone skinny, but I'm thin enough that my belly doesn't stick out. I have an awesome family, a mom who loves death-metal and black-metal, is obsessed with Metalocalypse, and looks young enough to be my sister. My dad is cool and rediculously smart, especially in theology. He's nice and has a well-paying job meaning my brothers and i can do very little work and get hefty allowances with which we can buy whatever we want. The Bad? This could take a while. Firstly, I can't remember the last time I opened my mouth and said the same thing i was thinking. I'm a prick to anyone I don't already know, and I don't know very many people. People i don't like, i'm a total jerk to. I'm weak, I'm recessive, and anyone can easily take advantage of me and ride me around. I'm apathetic, I hate life, and if it were up to me, the universe would implode, suck everything into itself, and finally ****ing die. i find myself not only disliking people but going so far as to hate them and spend more time hating myself. I walk the same routine every day, and I never try to go out of line at all. Nothing I've ever accomplished has brought fruitition, and i've never found happiness. I'm doing terrible in school because I lack even the will to succeed and i can't pay attention to anything for more than 2 minutes unless it's in English class. I haven't gone to a friends house in over a year and in fact there is no one who i consider a true friend. i have a few acuaintances, but most of them only know a shallow portion of my life. I drift in and out of rediculous fantasies and can't bring myself to enjoy the world or any part of it. I spend most of my time listening to music and simply not doing anything. I'm to lazy to even play my own video games, I still haven't written a novel after years of trying, no one cares about most of the things I actually do, so I neer find reason to do anything more. i often gaze blankly at reruns i've seen a million times for hours between arguing with my brothers -- the only people I interact with. i spen a good half of my time watching my little brother play video games and talking to him as he argues with my youngest brother about senseless crap. My parents work a lot, but when they're home I never tell them anything about myself. At home I maintain a constant blanket of stand-offishness and am consistantly a smart-***. Of the 3 relationships i've been in, all 3 netships, only one lasted more than a week and in that one I tore myself apart over someone who was very broken and not the type to be in love at all. As much as she trusted me, she never loved me and I eventually lost hope and severed myself from communication. I consider my existence to be a thorn in the universe's foot and regret that everything I am takes away from everything that anyone else can be. I'm selfish to those around me and would always take before i give. I find it impossible to care about most people, places, and things, and would be content to live alone or with my brother for the rest of my life listening to music, reading, playing video games and working at gamestop until the day that I die which I pray to the god i don't even believe in will be soon. I have no culture, no traditions, never go to social gatherings, and I hardly even have the ability to cry. When I do, it's pathetic. I know I'm going to come home 2 weeks from now with a terrible report card and my dad's gunna rip me a new one and i'll probably go into an emotional shell. I havent brushe my teeth in so long it's impossible to remember and I went so long without brusinh my hair I had to get half of it cut out. I do nothing, I deliver nothing to the world, and if I die tommorrow, it won't be soon enough.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]Go listen to them now. After hearing a lot of [B]Opeth[/B], I can safely call [B]Akderfelt [/B] one of the greatest vocalists ever. He has possibly the deapest grown I've ever heard, and he can you the lighter raspier growls. Plus he is an amazing singer, and it truly shines on [B]Damnation[/B].[/COLOR]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]I can't say I particularly like rap, not even the more underground scene. Just can't get into it. Love the Gorillaz, though, not that they count. My genres include Progressive Metal, Post-metal, Folk-metal, Progressive Death Metal, Black-metal, Power Metal, Progressive Rock, and a little Stoner Rock. to give examples of each: Progressive Metal: Tool Post-Metal: Isis, Russian Circles Folk-Metal: Agalloch Progressive Death metal: Opeth Power Metal: Dragonforce, Ensiferum Progressive Rock: Coheed And Cambria, The Mars Volta Stoner Rock: Pearls & Brass[/COLOR]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]I like it! Thank you very much! I shall equip it now. I wat to leave this open, though, for anyone else who wants to give it a swing.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]Kill your mom. That's what I'd do. Seriously, though. Your mom is being rediculous. A problem is born in all those who suffer first before it's invokers gain control. Anything your mom does at this point is her own fault. She's definetely stupid, I'll say that much... seriously, yall may need a bit of counseling. (Not that it protects you from the inevitable rerouting of your ways to your path of apathy.) Let her go. I wonder if she's actually cheeting or something.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]I'm looking for something bleak, black and morbid, but I'm no good at making things look cool and fancy so I'd like to invoke yall's banner creating power. All that matters is that its cool and creepy and uses only whites, greys, and balcks I'd like it to have the following text looking really creepy, preferredly small "Blank face in the windowpane Made clear in seconds of light Disappears and returns again Haunting hours searching the night." If you want, you can use one of these pics in the banner to spice it up. [url]http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c290/pink-winged-angel/3746f.jpg[/url] [url]http://i102.photobucket.com/albums/m95/opeth1309/MORNINGRISE.jpg[/url] Thanks a ton![/COLOR]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]I'm currently living in my 16th home since my birth. Some I've lived in for years, some for mere months, but in any event it's never fun. Prepare to start again from square one. Prepare for obscurity. People absolutely wil not accept you at first, your gunna have to work for it. As far as packing and stuff goes, I can't tell you much as my family has figured out how to pack our entire house and load the moving van in 2 days flat, so it's probably less than an issue for me, lol. In any event, it's going to suck, especially since you'll never have a lifelong friend again. Good luck with that, and may hell's fire not lick you so fiercely.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=DarkOrange][B]Religion[/B] Here having answers Denial of questioning Set fire to all else [B]Citadel[/B] Fortress is burning Forests tumble all dying Forever defiled [B]Dawn of Ice[/B] Fire extinguished light Ice above does not belong Death coats all this day[/COLOR]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]One of my rare optimisms. [I][B]Existence In the Embers[/B] The flames have now begun to rise Scarring the land, painting the skies The earth is lost and men shall rot For all the evil they have sought The world is a lie within the mind And so many have fallen blind Existence in the embers of time From this hole man cannot climb Who is god but words and song? What began this all along? Things that you will never see Beyond the pale of apathy You'll watch for on the skyline You'll pray to what you hold divine As the world is torn apart You'll wish that you could hit restart All for your own All for your fear All for your hope For your covered ear ...Buildings topple over... ...Flames wash the earth... ...Existence in embers... ...A lost hope, a dead future The ashes of past lives swept away The longing for a final day The finding of the truth so kept After we have found a way Before your planet falls apart If you can take your mind toward A future worthy of mankind You'll find a life you can afford[/COLOR][/I]

[quote name='John]As you'll recall, we've already [spoiler]seen Satan in "Bluesklok". Unless that guy was [i]just[/i'] the "blues devil" and nothing more. But I don't think the writers would want to confuse the theology up that much.[/spoiler][/quote] [COLOR=DarkOrange]I hadn't thought that was the devil himself, just a spokesperson or something. He could have been the blues devil or something of the sort, who knows. I do know that the scene with him was hilarious. "and... you get.. a five dollar giftcard for hot topic..." XD[/COLOR]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]While you have gotten the basic meaning of this poem across fine, I think a lot has been lost in translation from thoughts to words. The reason for this above all is your rhymes. A lot of your rhymes seem extremely forced ('my sweet banshee?') meaning that you were more concerned with rhyming than you were with flowing. I see a lot of Linkin Park influence in your poem, but you're going to have to flow better if you wanna walk in Mike Shinoda's shoes. [/COLOR]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]I can't be entirely be sure how to describe myself these days, but at this time I'd say this song comes close. Really, any song can match a portion of your being, by your interpritation. I hope this one covers enough. Amazing song, BTW. [B]Opeth[/B] - [B]In My Time Of Need[/B] I can't see the meaning of this life I'm leading I try to forget you as you forgot me This time there is nothing left for you to take, this is goodbye Summer is miles and miles away And no one would ask me to stay And I should contemplate this change To ease the pain And I should step out of the rain Turn away Close to ending it all, I am drifting through the stages Of the rapture born within this loss Thoughts of death inside, tear me apart from the core of my soul Summer is miles and miles away And no one would ask me to stay And I should contemplate this change To ease the pain And I should step out of the rain Turn away At times the dark's fading slowly But it never sustains Would someone watch over me In my time of need That mixed with this... [B]Hope Leaves [/B] - [B]Opeth[/B] In the corner beside my window There hangs a lonely photograph There is no reason I'd never notice A memory that could hold me back There is a wound that's always bleeding There is a road I'm always walking And I know you'll never return to this place Gone through days without talking There is a comfort in silence So used to losing all ambition Struggling to maintain what's left Once undone, there is only smoke Burning in my eyes to blind To cover up what really happened Force the darkness unto me [/COLOR]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]I freaking love this show, and my mom is OBSESSED with it. We managed to record all the episodes during the marathon and watch them all the time. this show is pure brilliance AND it's metal!!! All the characters go so well together, all having their own personalities but all being totally freaking stupid. I love when they get into those band moments where they act like a family in totally stupid ways, it's hilarious. 'We cares about yous!!" lqtm. The best part has to be Toki ans Squwisgar's horribly broken english and general misunderstanding of English terms. And as mentioned, the countless metal references are great. 'Dimmmu Burger' is my favorite. Or the 'Gulf of Danzig'. Plus, anyone's gotta love the senseless violence and constant death. BEST DEATH EVER: when the top soldier guy falls on Murderface's codpiece!!! And also, who doesn't love Dr. Rockzo! I do that imitation so often it's crazy, usually while sliding into the room. "IM DOCTOR ROCKZO! THE ROCKNROLL CLOWN!!! I DO COCAINE!!!" gold 'seriously man... a lotta cocaine' The manager guy is prolly my favorite character in the whole show. He's always so calm and cool and totally badass. You know he can work through any situation. Now the big question. Who is the leader of the order of good guys? As you know, he totally [spoiler]strung the pope's guts through his eyes, and aparently spared the general for some reason.[/spoiler] So who do you think he is? The popular theory among my family is that he is in fact [spoiler]Satan himself.[/spoiler][/COLOR]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]The best song of the week, and one of the bes of all-time, is [B]Dragonforce[/B]'s track [B]Valley of the Damned[/B]. It's awesome, it's brilliant and it's inspriring! I hope to one day gather 10 people and sing this song together! I love it![/COLOR]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]Here's some from songs (save the third which is just in a song by chance). I know i've got more, I just have a hard time finding them when I'm looking. [B]?[/B]The god of man is a failure[B]? [/B] - [B]Agalloch[/B] [B] ?[/B]Love is the poison of life[B]? [/B] - [B]Agalloch[/B] [B]?[/B]Today young men on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only dream, and we're the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather[B]? [/B] - [B]Bill Hicks[/B] [B]?[/B]With my feet upon the ground I move myself between the sounds and open wide to suck it in. I feel it move across my skin. I'm reaching up and reaching out. I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me. what ever will bewilder me. And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been. We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been.[B]? [/B] - [B]Tool[/B] This one isn't from a song... [B]?[/B]Live hard, die young, leave a beautiful corpse[B]? [/B] - not sure Just for fun... [B]?[/B]TASTE MY LIGHTNING *******!!![B]? [/B] - [B]Satan[/B][/COLOR]

[quote name='Lt.Zero']Vision?! What do you know about my vision? My vision would turn your world upside down, tear asunder you illusions, and bring the sanctuary of your own ignorance crashing down around you. Now ask yourself. Are you really ready to see that vision?[/B][/quote] [COLOR=DarkOrange]Ya'll managed to grab a lot of my favorites, but this is the only one I've hashed out before. Huey Freeman = my black side lol. As for some quotes I am fond of: (This one may not be exact) "Beliefs are dangerous. People die for them. People start wars over them. If we just allowed ourselves to have ideas, we could avoid all this conflict" - Dogma I don't know if they intended it to be, but this quote runs deep. I love it. I can't think of any others, but I'll go round em' up and come back.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]Wow. Well, your story began seeming like it was going to be meaningful and deep, so this sudden comedic approach feels a bit strange. I think the main problem you're having with this story is that things happen to quickly. My first question is -- what's up with Golbor? He seems unphased by this meteor hitting and destroying all these houses. He instinctually just strolls up to town square? He doesn't even check on his sick mother who moments ago he was so worried about? And then when he sees 3 crazy nights before a meteor, he yells at them?! It all seems very... off-key. [I]"You dumbass! Maybe she wouldn?t have dumped you if you hadn?t kissed that girl!? Yelled Kelgoray, ?How?d we end up talking about this, you retards?? Tyron chanted. ?Well it was your girlfriend who kissed me!? Reidar hollered. ?Jackasses! Calm down!? Tyron yelled as loud as he could.[/I] My trouble with this paragraph is sentence stucture. "something something" yelled someone. "something" someone chanted. "SOMETHING!" someone shouted! It's the same thing over and over. [I]?All of you shut up!? Golber said furiously[/I] An exclamation point and furiosity aren't qualities of 'said' (on that note, 'chanted' doesn't work in the above paragraph either.) I'd also like to know how Golber instantly knows they'll do anything he says. Maybe if he'd said "Who are you?!" And they instantly replied or something, it might work better. And for one final nitpick, you used 'torn' to desribe 2 things in a row in paragraph 2. Go for 'ripped asunder' or some such phrase. Well, happy editing![/COLOR]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]Not bad. At first, the prospect of elements didn't appeal to me as I have played entirely too many RPGs, but you managed to turn me onto liking your story. It's simple, yet powerful. The imagery is good, and it cultivated itslef withing my mind. There was only one part I didn't like and came as a severe disappointment to me. The ending. I liked the description of the dark orb, but everything from 'Kane was not afraid' onward totally dropped me. After such a horrifying image, I was ready for his surmounting terror as he himself begin to die before waking up, horrified. One question -- what was happening at the beginning?[/COLOR]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]to Lionheart: I love that album's art as well. I like the tech-versions in Reanimation more, though. I actually had that cover as a birthday cake once. to Deathknight: Gunna see them in March [B]Blood Mountain[/B] [img]http://i138.photobucket.com/albums/q242/MarsvoltA1845/Mastodon-BloodMountain.jpg[/img] [B]Band[/B]: Mastodon [B]Why?[/B] While I do not yet possess this album (2 more days!) I can safely say that I absolutely love this cover art! It's got a healthy dose of [B]'WTF?![/B]' Mixed with enough [B]'holy cow[/B]!' (in both the literal sense and as a term of expression) and more than a little [B]'sweet[/B]!' What this appears to be is a 3-headed moose standing on 2 legs holding some sort of weirdness (the crystal skull? Who knows?!) and all of it's set on this freakishly orange backdrop (ORANGE!) over red (RED!).[/COLOR]