Allamorph

[FONT=Arial]I HATE NOT HAVING A TELEVISION[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]I think "owned" appropriately represents the previous post. And considering I feel rather the same way....[/FONT]

[quote name='HelloKittyLover'][ I am a big fan of Allamorph and SunfallE][/quote] [FONT="Arial"][I]*melts*[/I] [color=#ededed]blahstupidcharacterlimit[/color][/FONT]

[FONT=Arial][as] is calling their anime lineup "Breakfast Anime". Seriously. Who eats breakfast at four in the morning? I can see 5 am that for Eastern, maybe, but us Central guys are getting a hard shaft. And it also makes no sense because they've still got Bleach and FMA set in before the evening cycle even starts.[/FONT]

[FONT="Arial"]Okay, since I've not updated this schedule in . . . well, forever, I think it's time to do so. Oh, wait. [as] is still stupid. Guess that leaves Sci-Fi, then! TTGL shares the two-hour block with the kind of weird-genre shinigami series Descendants of Darkness. This Monday is an even two-episode split, and on the Tenth TTGL gets three episodes to Descendant's one. The 17th is odd, since there doesn't seem to be an anime lineup slotted, but the 24th has "Gundam Season 1" taking over for TTGL, still sharing with the other series. Nothing listed for December yet, unfortunately. I'll see if I can not neglect posting when it does.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]Right, so I've been curious about a particular little 'glitch' in FireFox for a while now and I would like to know what any of you gurus can tell me about it. Every now and again, when I attempt to access certain pages (even if I'd been on the site just a second before and was simply browsing), I'll get hit with a 403 Forbidden error, a 405 Method Not Allowed error, or simply be redirected to a page that has nothing to do with anything, like Google English or (once, recently) some bizarre Microsoft page that dealt with who knows what. Either that or I'll get an "invalid url" deal, which cites anything after the DOTcom of the address as the offending script, even if it's just the slash. Usually when this happens I have to kill FF, open it, wait for the "FireFox is busy; you need to close the window before you open another one" message (which makes very little sense), say Okay, and open FF again. That fixes whatever was screwing around, but I'm curious if this is a thing peculiar to FireFox, and if using a different browser would help.[/FONT]

[quote name='Europa][QUOTE=Darren]Or, if he's really the antichrist [B][U]like everyone in the bible belt seems to think[/U][/B], he will be assassinated and come back to life. (But I'm atheist, so you already know my views on that theory. If it does happen though, I'll crap myself.)[/QUOTE][COLOR="Blue"']I find that offending.............[/COLOR][/quote] [FONT=Arial]Likewise. I may have grown up in an environment where racism was practically general consensus, but that doesn't make me one. And I [I]love[/I] the implications that the majority of Christians are racist. The awkward part about the assassination subject is that while I find it deplorable to attempt to kill a man who hasn't even been given the chance to prove his mettle, I don't really see what good could come from talking about it for more than, say, five minutes. Not that I don't care if he gets killed, but there's really not a whole lot I can do about it unless I just so happen to overhear some idiot conspiring against him (or any of the candidates, for that matter) and can alert someone who [I]can[/I] do something.[/FONT]

[quote name='Ace']Mind-shattering skillz. I has dem.[/quote] [FONT=Arial]More like fail skills. No way you're my nephew, dude. Go back and check Michi's family tree. [QUOTE=Raiha][COLOR="DarkOrchid"][FONT="Times New Roman"]Oh dear dear dear me. I apparently am my own grandmother. SING WITH ME EVEYRONE! I'm my own grandma....[/FONT][/COLOR][/QUOTE] YOU'RE THE NATURAL POWER FUNCTION??? =O[/FONT]

[font=Calibri]About my comments concerning the need for a prologue at all: [quote name='Katakidoushi']Its actually not that long for a prologue. I've seen much longer.[/quote] It actually [i]is[/i] that long for a prologue. :p What I meant by my comment was not that yours was long for a prologue, but that yours was a long prologue. And I�d be curious about what longer ones you�ve seen. If you could point me to a few published examples, I�d love to give them a look. [QUOTE][i] And I'm going to be going into greater detail on everything throughout the story so the reader needed to have a basic understanding of things before the story begins. I hate when writers over explain in their stories. It always seems so fake that one character would go into that much detail with another so I thought I'd handle it through a prologue narration.[/i][/QUOTE] I�d like to point you in two directions here. First, my old standby Tolkien: really, he gave the reader a basic understanding of [i]nothing[/i] before he started in on his trilogy, and told the reader what they needed to know as they needed to know it. You can consider [i][u]The Hobbit[/u][/i] a prologue of sorts�but then again, he made it into its own free-standing story, and the trilogy can be enjoyed just as thoroughly without reading [i][u]The Hobbit[/u][/i], just as [i][u]The Hobbit[/u][/i] can be just as thoroughly enjoyed without reading any of the other Middle Earth works. In fact, I�d personally recommend anyone to start with [i][u]The Hobbit[/u][/i] simply because the style is less thick and easier to stay with, regardless of its prologue relationship to the main body. Also, you can consider [i][u]The Silmarillion[/u][/i] a huge prologue, giving the interested any information they might want in order to fully understand what Tolkien had created. But none of this is necessary to the trilogy itself. So from there I might be inclined to view the information in your prologue as nice to [i]know[/i], but not necessary to the actual story for me the reader to enjoy it. Second, I want to point you at Anne McCaffrey, specifically her [i]Dragonriders of Pern[/i] series. She also started with a trilogy format, though hers was a dual-trilogy where each book in one supplemented the corresponding book in the other. McCaffrey�s [i]Pern[/i] series is colonial-sci-fi based, but she doesn�t tell the reader that right off the bat. There�s no words about the original crew of people who came to the world for about ten books or so, and then when she reveals that information she goes and couches the entire thing in [i]another[/i] book ([i][u]Dragonsdawn[/u][/i]). McCaffrey most certainly could have given a quick run-through at the beginning of her companion trilogies, but that would have destroyed a good part of the fantastical aspect of her setting, and the reader would have been viewing the characters in the wrong light for the entire series. And even in her prologue, there were references to interplanetary wars and the sudden need for colonization, but McCaffrey chose not to go into detail about the specific events leading up to even that. Both of these series had [i]massive[/i] amounts of pre-narrative information that would allow the reader to more fully appreciate the story if they had known it beforehand. However, both authors seemed to understand that the reader does not need to know everything about their story�s history in order to fully appreciate it. My concern, then, is that you are attempting to shovel [i]so much[/i] information into your audience that you will completely lose their interest by the halfway point. The �dying planet spurs colonisation� concept is not clich�, but also not an astoundingly new concept that needs to be spelled out in detail. You can allude to and reveal information as you proceed, but I think a great deal of specifics are unnecessary to the actual enjoyment of the story. And you certainly don�t need to rely on characters talking to each other to allude or reveal, either. If both characters already know what the reader does not, then you can have one character or the other sort of review the information in his head in condensed form, or have the narrator provide a few bits of information. Explanation of the progression from the first Mars mission to the Mars outposts to the terra-forming to the colonization platform doesn�t have to be spelled out. The outpost/terra-forming/springboard points are the essential pieces, and you can cover those fairly quickly without having to give dates or mention the elapsed time or general mission count. That can be generally inferred by the reader. [QUOTE][i] Even if I obsolve the prologue into the story I needed to write this to give myself a better understanding of the world I'm creating.[/i][/QUOTE] Absolve. :p And yes, I agree. I have at least twenty pages of handwritten notes for my universe, six or seven scene-concept sketches (one of which is a full twenty-five pages and is . . . kind of bleah, really), and a four-page file on my hard drive that outlines the general plot progression of my first intended book. You as the author need the reference material, because keeping [i]everything[/i] in your head is ridiculous. :animesmil So yeah, you probably need to get this stuff down on paper for your head�s sake. But I am not sure that the reader needs to be inundated with that much back-information before the story actually starts. Incidentally, here�s something you might find useful: [url="http://foremostpress.com/authors/articles/prologue.html"][color=Blue]Prologue Tips[/color][/url]. And remember, I�m not against prologues in sense. Half of writing is knowing what to trim out, and this one has me wanting to put away my li�l red pen and bull out my big ole� black scissors. :p Now that that�s out of the way, I�ll be glad to look at this as if it were not a sheet of author-notes, but a narrative. (While Pandora plays �Long Time�. Thank you, Boston. Oh, and now the live version of �Rock You Like A Hurricane�. =3)[/size][/font] [center]-------------------------------------------[/center] Customary warning: this might sound a little harsh at times. There is no ill will intended, merely honesty. [QUOTE][i][font=Book Antiqua]In the early 21st century the first manned flight to Mars was launched with the collaborative effort of Earth�s world powers. With a multi-national team of astronauts at its helm the Aries VII mission touched down on the Red Planet on the 9th of July 2029. [/font][/i][/QUOTE] Since you mentioned the general era in which the flight was launched, I don�t believe the exact date is necessary. Given that you�re speeding through the later centuries like it was collegiate History 101, my feeling is strengthened. General years, decades, and such are probably fine, but exact days feel like distractions. Also, given the �collaborative� and �multinational� parts to these, I think you could effectively combine them into one sentence and trim out anything that seems to feel out of place. [QUOTE][i][font=Book Antiqua]...Martian outposts became spring[b][color=Red]-[/color][/b]boards....[/font][/i][/QUOTE] Hyphen that word. [QUOTE][i][font=Book Antiqua]...astronauts began living on Mars for years at a time; [u][b]vastly expanding[/b][/u] our knowledge of the alien world. Martian outposts became spring boards for [b][color=Red]our[/color][/b] missions to planets outside of [b][color=Red]our[/color][/b] solar system, [b][u]further expanding[/u] [color=Red]our[/color][/b] search for complex life. The space missions united the free world under a common good. Man was proud of conquering yet another world and [u][b]for a time[/b][/u] the worries that plagued [b][color=Red]our[/color][/b] planet seemed to fade, [u][b]if only for a time[/b][/u].... [/font][/i][/QUOTE] Since this is a recount of history, don�t use the second person. In fact, make this whole thing distanced. E.g.: �...missions to planets outside of the solar system....�, �the search for complex life�, �the planet�, and the same through the rest of the narrative. You�re giving facts, not a speech. The other highlighted items are redundant. In the �expanding� case, just find another way to say one of them. In the �for a time� case, one or the other, but not both. I recommend trimming the last one. Also, that semicolon should be a comma. [QUOTE][i][font=Book Antiqua]By the late 22nd century Earth�s population [b][color=Red]spiked[/color][/b] to over 10 billion. [/font][/i][/QUOTE] Had spiked. Population growth is a continual process, so you need to use the perfect form there. (And no, I don�t sit and think to myself �I should really use past perfect there� while I�m writing. That�d be anal beyond belief. It�s just a familiarity thing; I know �had� needs to go there so it doesn�t seem like the Earth gained eight billion people in a month.) For the next sentence, I think a restructure is in order. Bring global pollution and �the maching of industry� (which feels a little trite, honestly, but not unworkable) at the beginning, using them both as the cause for the deterioration of the planet and such. Like so, perhaps: [indent=1][i]�Global pollution and industry had caused severe damage to the planet, all but dissolving the ozone layer.�[/i][/indent] And yes, do not capitalise �ozone�. Actually, you might need to restructure the entire paragraph, come to think of it. Your facts kind of jump around. You can really use the oxygen output and the temperature rise together to show why humans retreated underground, and the mass extinctions should be used to explain the attempt to salvage what species remained. And �species�, not �breeds�. The last bit of that paragraph feels a bit odd. Again, since this is history, avoid the personal �we�. There are better ways to phrase the section that don�t end up sounding like you�re behind a lectern pulling the crowd into you. Also, I�d replace the ellipsis with a colon to avoid the sense that your narrator just contracted Alzheimer�s, and ditch the quotes in favor of italics or even no emphasis at all. [QUOTE][i][font=Book Antiqua]Algae were sodden over one-third of the Red Planet and began feeding off of the carbon dioxide in Mars� atmosphere. The algae quickly spread, pumping oxygen into the air. Eventually more complex plants were introduced to Mars and by the early 25th century the planet�s temperature had risen above sub-arctic levels. The Martian ice caps melted and for the first time in millions of years Mars had seas and lakes again. With the rise of the oxygen level; nitrogen and carbon dioxide levels plummeted, and in less than three hundred years Mars became habitable. The former Red Planet had become eerily familiar to a place we once knew. [/font][/i][/QUOTE] Anyone who is a science-fiction reader will probably already be familiar with the terra-forming process. (I remember seeing a trilogy in my local library that followed the process in detail. I can�t remember the names of the books now, but I know that they went in sequence, from Red ______ to Green ______ to Blue ______.) So I�m not sure if you need to give this information. Just the note that it took time and was a success would be enough, I think. If you need the details for your own reference, keep this thing around and expand on it, but it�s really just taking up space as part of the narrative. For example, you could expand �algae were sodden� to �hundreds of strains of algae were seeded� (sodden means soaked or saturated with liquid, and doesn�t involve planting at all, really), or elaborate on the order in which certain plants were introduced afterwards, as well as noting when the acclimation of animals took place, and touching on any genetic mutations/evolutions that occurred in the process. But that should really be for your own benefit, or perhaps an appendix should you want it available to your reader. [QUOTE][i][font=Book Antiqua][b][u]All the while[/u] [u]during the three hundred years of terra forming[/u][/b] the Earth slowly choked on its last breathes. [/font][/i][/QUOTE] Your second phrase is designed to give the reader a sense of the elapsed time, but as written it just causes the flow to stutter. Pull it out and give it its own sentence. Something like [i]�The entire process took nearly three centuries�[/i] or so. Also, �terraforming� (one word; you split it up previously, also), and �breaths� (no E). [QUOTE][i][font=Book Antiqua]People began flooding into the underground cities to escape the [b]ultra violet[/b] radiation and extreme temperatures. [/font][/i][/QUOTE] (ultraviolet) Hadn�t they been doing this for centuries already? Or had the construction of these underground lairs [i]also[/i] taken three hundred years? Better to say that the flooding had been a non-stop process. [QUOTE][i][font=Book Antiqua]Life underground was hard but Earthlings knew it was only temporary; Mars was waiting for them. However most would never realize this dream. [/font][/i][/QUOTE] These sentences are so generic and vague that you should probably just strike them completely. And I won�t remark on you switching from �we knew� to �Earthlings knew� any more than I just have, but know that I am slightly amused. :p [QUOTE][i][font=Book Antiqua]The [b]sub terrain[/b] cities were no more than bunkers connected by networks of tunnels, and though they were quite extensive they weren�t large enough to house even one quarter of Earth�s population. Billions deemed �unqualified� were shut out and left to die on the surface. [/font][/i][/QUOTE] (subterranean) Hmm. So despite the unified resources of the world powers and three centuries worth of time, only a quarter of the total will live? I understand the desire to showcase the Lifeboat dilemma, but realistically I think that more could be accomplished. However, that�s a minor technical concern, and doesn�t really impact the story all that much. Don�t spend effort on altering unless you agree with me and you want to alter. [QUOTE][i][font=Book Antiqua]On [b]December 21st 2359[/b] the last underground city was sealed and shut off from the world above. In the months following, during what is now referred to as �The Last Winter� billions of people succumbed to a, �deserved fate�. [/font][/i][/QUOTE] December 21, 2359. Also, remember what I said about specific dates? Is this landmark necessary for the reader? Comma after �The Last Winter�. And what is the point of the last bit of that sentence? Is the propaganda necessary for the reader? [QUOTE][i][font=Book Antiqua]They say that even miles underground the screams could be heard. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Earth became a ghost planet. [/font][/i][/QUOTE] Since this prologue is a historical recount, why did you add this bit in? Sounds more at home in a fireside ghost story than a textbook synopsis, which seems to be what you�re going for. Just makes me say �bleah�, really; and I know, because I�ve had a few �bleah� lines myself. [QUOTE][i][font=Book Antiqua]But through all of this the Terra Firma Initiative was successful, and though it was too late to save all of those whom it promised, in 2431 the first civilian flights to Mars were launched. Over the next few years the free countries of Earth were re-established on Mars; each nation given their respective territory. At first flights to our new planet were non-stop, but after just a short time a new fear was stirred. After The Last Winter, Earth�s population had been cut down to just over 2 billion, but still this was deemed to be too many for a planet only two-thirds the size of Earth. Overpopulation poisoned our planet; it couldn�t be allowed to poison our new world. Flights to Mars were steadily cut back and soon applications for Mars�s citizenship were required, applicants having to meet a set of standard qualifications. Becoming a Mars citizen became a test of worth as a human being. It was hardly the salvation that was promised to the whole of the human race. To live on Mars, in the sunlight, was a privilege, not a right. [/font][/i][/QUOTE] Again, that semicolon�[i]�...re-established on Mars; each nation....�[/i]�needs to be a comma. I know that since you structured this as a prologue, you�ve been attempting to balance the information with intrigue and tension, but given the sheer load of information you�re presenting, along with the mental inferences the reader is making, a lot of your mental/emotional draws come off as peculiar or distracting. Here again you returned to the �we��/�our� motif, and that feels out of place. I think this particular paragraph could be condensed considerably; the vital bits are that the TFI was successful (which you mentioned two paragraphs back, so you might not need this either), civilian transports were initiated but scaled back and strictly regulated after concerns of overpopulation rose, and (which you didn�t mention, but follows logically) State control tightened significantly as a result, since the removal of a promise as big as Mars would cause massive unrest in the general populace and probably several attempts to overthrow governments. [QUOTE][i][font=Book Antiqua]As the new world was populated Mars� governments began turning their attention away from dying Earth. Radio communication between Mars and Earth was shut down. One by one Earth�s satellites went offline, and at last the Martians turned a blind eye to their former home. On the [b][color=Red]1st[/color][/b] of January 2470 citizenship to Mars was closed, and Earth was left to its fate. The skeletons of Earth�s former governments were seized by a joint radical militant regime. Through paralyzing fear and abandoned hope the underground civilizations of Earth fell under martial law. The dismal cold of life deep underground could hardly be considered a life at all. Living was a thing of past, surviving was the way of this new Earth. [/font][/i][/QUOTE] �First�. If you�re going to write the (unnecessary?) date that way, spell out the word. Also, comma after January, as well as 2470. And there the last sentence of the paragraph, use a semicolon instead of a comma. Also, here is where you finally let your reader know that you [i]won�t[/i] be spending the rest of the story talking about Mars, but about Earth. With the time and material you put into Mars as a solution, escape, and hope, the reader has probably under the impression that something on [i]Mars[/i] will be the subject of the novella. Now that we [the readers] know otherwise, a good bit of use will be wondering what the devil was so important about Mars anyway. Your final two paragraphs support this, but by now it is probably not enough. Your readers were all geared up for a story about life on the New World, and possibly the discovery of others, and now they have to redirect their attention back to Earth, which has so far shared its screentime with its red sister. Other material that concerns me the inability to grow sustenance. Look into subterranean greenhouses; you might find some useful information about facilities you should include, which would probably end up under the new regime�s control. Also, the sterilisation interests me, especially how artificial insemination is possible without a supply of sperm [i]or[/i] inbreeding from the regime�s own members. And then at the end we get told some questions we need to be asking ourselves. Why? (�dying�, by the way; not �dieing�) I know I�ve been formulating my own questions already as you�ve been narrating, and I had already wondered where the women and bred children had been taken to. Although I appreciate the attempt to lead the reader, don�t do it overtly. [center]-------------------------------------------[/center] After finishing a full read-through, I am still under the impression that a great deal of this prologue is unnecessary. I agree that some understanding of the current situation [i]might[/i] be desirable, but I strongly suggest going back through this excerpt and deciding what the reader [i]needs[/i] to know about the subterranean caverns and humanity�s current sociological condition. I wouldn�t cut out Mars entirely, but the mention that it was terraformed, colonized, regulated, and finally separated from the mother planet is all you really need. Focus instead on Earth, so the reader is prepared for Earth as the setting. Also, what have you read by Ray Bradbury? I highly recommend [i][u]The Martian Chronicles[/u][/i], which deals with a similar situation but from the other side. If you read it, pay attention to how he presents information to the reader, when he presents it, and how he plays on information the reader already knows to better illustrate new information. And notice the details you as the reader infer, but Bradbury never directly states. And finally, watch your comma/semicolon use. You seem to have mixed them up every now and again. Commas are more for pauses and separation of necessary statements, whereas semicolons are like periods with less stopping power; basically, if you think you could start a new sentence but don�t really want to, think about a semicolon in place of the period and keep going. Semicolons are also useful when you�re writing a list but have commas scattered in among your individual items�which usually occurs when you want to describe the items in your list in more detail while still [i]in[/i] the list. The concept for your story looks interesting enough. I look forward to what you do with it. Final thoughts, from your response to [color=DarkRed]Raiha[/color]: [QUOTE][i]I do believe however I will try and divide this story into three books. One book describing "The Last Winter", 2nd, the underground survival after most humans have left for Mars, and the third is yet to be decided.[/i][/QUOTE] If you plan on setting one book during The Last Winter, then why did you blaze past it in the prologue? The same goes for the underground survival; if anything, it seems to me that your third 'unknown' book should begin where this prologue ends. Your statement now lends even more credence to my belief that this is not so much a prologue as a note sheet. Nothing wrong with notesheets. Just don't try to put it in the main narrative if it is. :p

[CENTER][FONT="Arial"]What I love about this country.[/FONT] [IMG]http://graphjam.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/political.gif[/IMG] [/CENTER]

[quote name='GuyYouMetOnline']UNfortunately, I don't know that there's enough interest in the idea. People, if you're interested, please tell me, or else I won't think you are.[/quote] [FONT=Arial]Best way to gauge interest in a concept is to work out enough of the story to post a thread in Auditions. People don't usually respond to threads like these, I've noticed.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]Actually, [I]Tsubasa[/I] and [I]xxxHolic[/I] have been linked from the beginning, but the discussion of how the two relate is actually quite tenuous. As it stands now, there is very material for a dual discussion, so I think they should stay separate. But if you want to revive the [I]xxxholic[/I] thread (or create one if there isn't one already), then please go right head. (^_^)[/FONT]

[QUOTE=Rachmaninoff]Shhhhhhhhhhhh! He didn't know that! Now you've gone and let the cat out of the bag. Where before we could use the... [I]behave or auntie Raiha will rip your liver out! [/I] [I][SIZE="1"] *ducks*[/SIZE][/I][/QUOTE] [FONT=Arial]....but isn't that what I do?[/FONT]

[QUOTE=Kaimaster]Check my other threads. I'd asked for help with my characters: [url]http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=59697[/url][/QUOTE] [FONT=Arial]Not the issue. (And I've already seen the thread.) Are you writing to further yourself or are you writing to pleasure yourself?[/FONT]

[QUOTE=Kaimaster]No. It's not that. I'm think out of my box. [/QUOTE] [FONT=Arial].......ooohhh-kay. [QUOTE][I]Does Star Wars have Incest? Luke's sister kissed him on his lips. [/I][/QUOTE] No incest there, mah friend. As [COLOR=DarkRed]Gavin[/COLOR] pointed out, that instance was a foil for Leia and Han's relationship. Leia was being petulant to show her contempt for Han's arrogance, despite (and in denial of) her inner feelings. Incidentally, I think you should read [I][U]Oedipus Rex[/U][/I]. Incest there, but well-done, and a necessity to the actual plot. [QUOTE][I]Does Bleach have girls trying kiss girls?[/I][/QUOTE] This is called fanservice, and serves no purpose in advancing the story. Since fanservice seems to be your primary staple, I am concerned you have no real story. [QUOTE][I]Does Please Teacher have a Teacher go out with one of her students?[/I][/QUOTE] [I]Please, Teacher[/I] is a romantic comedy, and not one in which I place a great deal of value?though I'm sure others disagree. However, the series delves into what you seem to be skimming: character interaction and development. All of these cases can be used effectively in entertainment media. However, a story consisting almost exclusively of the unnatural, convenient popularity with every female character present does not typically lend itself to quality writing. My concern, again, is not so much [I]how[/I] this concept came into being, but [I]why[/I]. I question your motivations.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]Before we go anywhere.... [quote name='Kaimaster']Are you volunteer to help me out with my spelling and gammar? If not shut up please.[/quote] Not a good way to deal with criticism. I'll just be straight with ya on that. Especially since I'm kind of the guy who looks after this section. (And I loathe pulling rank, so, ya know....) [QUOTE][I]I'm just a human. Like you. We all make mistakes. I have contion called Chromezone 8. I'm missing. That's causing speech problems and spelling problems and gammar problems. So before you bash anyone else. You should see their true personality is. I also can't smell anything.[/I][/QUOTE] And that's exactly why I probed for information. But this is beside the point. So before you get defensive about someone being insensitive, try assuming they're genuinely curious. I like to know who I'm dealing with before I start really dealing with them. (^_^) No slamming intended, at any rate. [QUOTE][I]TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION: Q: Also, and pardon my language here, why is Danddo screwing everyone in the main canon? What purpose does this serve? A: That's how he deal with his lost, blood family that he thought he lost in the war. He feels like a outcast. B Trying to get Danddo's Personality.[/I][/QUOTE] A.) These are possibly genuine pathological issues someone in those circumstances might have: a striking need for contact in any form and the need to feel accepted or wanted. However, it appears to me that these concepts are not pertinent to any end save to enable Danddo to become intimate with as many women as possible as often as possible. B.) This reason holds less water for me. Personalities are better and more easily revealed through normal character interaction than through sex?despite that the closest you seem to able to bring yourself to an intimate act is kissing on lips. Essentially, you're skipping almost all the interesting character development possibilities in favor of going straight for the . . . er, climax. This is my major bone with your work. Your grammar/syntax are secondary; even though they indicate either unfamiliarity or struggles with the language (and yes, I think we'll both agree that your condition gives you struggles), grammar/syntax are areas which can be improved over time. It is your content that I question the most. Again, this project appears only to be a method of fantasising about a self-made character (who, in this case, most likely bears a striking resemblance to you) becoming intimate with any- and everyone attractive in the Naruto universe. This is by no means a persuasion to stop writing. I encourage all who want to write to further their skills and seek advice. And I have no real problem with posted fanfiction. However, fan-[I]service[/I], and especially [I]self[/I]-service, do not sit very well with me, especially when the purpose is not the advancement of skills so much as one's own pleasure. So again, I urge you to decide what this project means to you. If you truly want a workable story, I suggest you spend some time refining your ideas, and I'll be more than willing to assist you with spelling/grammar/syntax and what. However, if all you want to do transcribe mental fantasies, then I think you should find something else to do with your time.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]Happy now? :p You already know what I want. It's in the logs. Two-parter: duel then mob. Names are set. Thunderbirds are go.[/FONT]

[quote name='Crimson Spider']You mean the non-existent cases where it would be better. I'm sorry, but I have found no scientific basis for these claims, and I have found scientific evidence against these claims.[/quote] [FONT=Arial]First: [QUOTE][I]The information that I find from [B][U][COLOR="Red"]Google[/COLOR][/U][/B] about women who were raped and have an abortion are pretty easy to find, the children from these relationships are very hard to find statistics on. [/I][/QUOTE] Try something off the internet. Or hey, the Library of Congress. And learn how to research. Which means that not only have you not read anything she's given you, but that you're [I]also [/I]arguing from ignorance. [QUOTE][I]Big question here: [b]How is it that these case by case instances would justify abortions for rape as a whole, instead of the factors unique to this case?[/b] [/I][/QUOTE] Big answer here, which seems to be flying over your head as you wave blithely whilst attempting to be witty. [B]No one is justifying abortion for rape victims as a whole. They are presenting it as an option [I]for [U]careful[/U] [U]consideration[/U][/I] in a case by case basis. Just as we cannot say that abortion is right 100% of the time, neither can you say it is wrong 100% of the time [U]for[/U] [U]victims[/U] [U]of[/U] [U]rape[/U][/B]. The [I]choice[/I] is binary. The [I]choice[/I]. Not the situation. That's why it's so doggone difficult to make, and why if I were in the position to advise I would counsel life for the child [I]subtly[/I]. But abortion is not my call, not your call, not the city's, the state's or the nation's call. It's the mother's. Your mother had you. Her choice. [QUOTE][I][quote name='Indi][FONT="Arial"][COLOR="Indigo"]This does not take into account if the mother is too young, or has mental or other health issues. But since you seem to be unwilling to listen to anything I say and keep insisting that abortion is wrong based on [strike]your own moral views[/strike] [strike][B]statistical proof and anecdotal evidence[/B][/strike] [/COLOR][SIZE="3"]your own moral views, supported by what statistical proof and anecdotal evidence you wish to accept[/SIZE]. [COLOR=Indigo]And insisting that it does more harm by linking to material that is based on the emotions you were saying shouldn't come into play...[/COLOR'][/FONT][/quote] [strike]Fixed.[/strike][/I][/QUOTE] Fixed. Don't be an arse. Every one of us is more than capable of returning the favor twenty-fold. We just (typically) choose to be the better man. [QUOTE][I]Finally! Something more substantial. Though can you please cite specific sections of this report? I did a search for the term "rape", and there were no studies/conclusions about how abortion affects women after rape, or molestation. [U][B]There will need to be more of a requirement on your part other than "look at this link" when the link is as massive as the one I have been provided.[/B][/U] [/I][/QUOTE] The people responding to you in this thread have done you the courtesy of reading your posts, despite the length. Return the bloody favor. There will be more of a requirement for you to retain any sense of credibility than to ask everyone else to do your work for you. Otherwise, you are arguing from ignorance. [QUOTE][I]Even then, does anyone think of the child in these instances, or is it all about the mother?[/I][/QUOTE] The child is the mother's. Therefore, it is her duty to consider it against herself. I cannot, you cannot, the city, state, nation?you know the drill. No one else can speak on that subject. And if you'd been paying attention, you'd have noticed how [I]everyone else[/I] has been saying this to you. Incidentally, to claim greater credibility on the matter as a child of a rape victim is to say that you cannot believe the word of anyone who is not the child of a rape victim when compared against your own. This is an [I]ad hominem[/I] falllacy. And check your posts. Several times you have asked people to justify rape, and not abortion after rape. You look rather foolish, really.[/FONT]

[quote name='Drizzt Do'urden']I hate that noone responds to posts in the anthologies. Even those whose critiques are less than appreciated are better than silence. You just never know if anyone is reading, or people are just checking your post out and skimming through.[/quote] [FONT=Arial]Yeah, I'd be more active, but I've got a few classes that require lots of outside time, and my Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays are shot as far as reviewing anything goes. I'll give your thing a run-through later, Kataki, but for now I want to ask you this: what does your prologue actually do, and do you need it to be a prologue? Judging by the sheer length, it seems that the information contained in it could be revealed as the narrative progresses, instead of throwing everything down all at once. Informing your reader as you go is also a great way to maintain their interest, provided you don't get so bogged down in background-explaining that you lose the plot. Back later. Hopefully by Monday.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]And after reading this thread in addition to your other one, I have sincere doubts that this project has any merit. It appears to me that the only reason you created this character was to live out a wet dream based on universes that do not exist. If the only reason you're writing this stuff is to stimulate your groin, I highly suggest you reconsider. It's not worth your time.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]Query: is this an actual story? Or is this a sheet of notes for a story you're planning out. I arrived at that idea through two observations. First, your language use indicates either that you are not putting very much effort into capturing your ideas on paper, aside from a few facts here and there, or that you are unfamiliar with English (as in, it's not your primary language). Second, your "chapters" comprise less than a third of a page, meaning there is virtually no content. Also, and pardon my language here, why is Danddo screwing everyone in the main canon? What purpose does this serve? Before you respond to any of this, I urge you to answer my questions to yourself, and then examine your answers and see if this project is truly worth writing. I do not want to discourage you from writing, by any means, but if you are going to write I would rather see you write [I]well[/I]. And as it stands, I think you have loads of work to do before you continue.[/FONT]

[quote name='TimeChaser']What about cases in which the mother is incapacitated and cannot make the decision?[/quote] [FONT=Arial]What if there were no hypothetical situations? What then? I am not really concerned with any "what-if" statements, because those are essentially [I]specific[/I] cases that have to be dealt with on a [I]specific[/I] basis and cannot in clear conscience be legislated. I bring up this angle because it occurs to me that, given our level of technological and medical advancement, the cases where the lives of both mother and child are threatened but only one can be saved are very few and very far between. The debate over this concept, then, seems to me to be a highly Medieval argument, where it was common for mothers to die in childbirth. I'd rather operate on an "if-then" basis with this deal; as in, [I]if[/I] the situation arises, [I]then[/I] you deal with it, instead of attempting to make a law to cover every possible instance and so tie your hands when something relatively simple comes up. Debates like this are why cases spend years in litigation, why convicted murderers can appeal endlessly instead of being summarily dealt with. So let me reiterate my position. In general, I am against abortion as a practice for simply removing an unwanted child. (It's a responsibility thing.) However, in the cases of rape victims or endangered mothers (which I just went through wondering how rare the latter is), I support the practice as an |[I]option[/I]. Not a mandate, not outlawed, but an [I]option[/I] to be taken under [I]serious and careful[/I] consideration. Now then. The other thing you remarked on?the father needing to decide in the [I][U]rare[/U][/I] case of incapacitation (again my point rises)?I'm not so sure I could make that decision so instantly. On the one hand, I have the life of someone dear to me, who is tangible and known. On the other, I have a life I know nothing about, which I have the option to love and mold with my own life. The lives of both are equally priceless. Choosing the death of either would be hell.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]New post, new page, new group of people. Nicely worked. (^_^) Right. For those unfamiliar with the series or those just now becoming interested (including myself, despite having read basically everything so far), [I]Tsubasa: RESERVoir CHRoNiCLE[/I] is a multi-universe crossover manga written by CLAMP, the all-female mangaka group whose other notable releases include [I]Angelic Layer[/I], [I]Magic Knight Rayearth[/I], [I]Tokyo Babylon[/I], the currently on-hold [I]X/1999[/I] (social problems, apparently), and the quite-popular [I]Chobits[/I] and [I]Cardcaptor Sakura[/I]. As a crossover work, [I]Tsubasa[/I] contains various characters from other series, the most prominent being Sakura and Syaoran from [I]CCS[/I] and Mokona from [I]Rayearth[/I], though this Mokona is capable of speech—to our unending amusement. Mokona also hails with a black duplicate, though Black Mokona features more prominently in the parallel manga [I]xxxHolic[/I]. [U]Quick intro synopsis:[/U] Sakura, princess of the country of Clow (and possessor of powers mysterious), and Syaoran, son of a deceased archaeologist, are childhood friends with the hint of something more—which, granted, seems a touch convenient for some jaded readers, but we struggle through because good and bad stories tend to start looking very much the same. Syaoran's current project is the excavation of the towering wing-shaped ruins not far from the city. During one of his expeditions, Sakura joins him for a self-made picnic lunch. But before they can even sit down, her attention is drawn by a peculiar inscription on the floor, and her latent unknown powers trigger, activating a magical device of some sort, but before she can be completely sucked in she is rescued by Syaoran. However, during the process, large wings had sprouted from her, and the feathers from these wings were consumed and scattered among many different worlds. The castle priest recognises these feathers as pieces of the princess's memories, and with the princess unconscious, he uses his own magic to teleport Syaoran to the abode of a person known as the Witch of Dimensions, who grants Syaoran's wish to scour the other world for these feathers. In order to do this, Syaoran is given a Mokona, who is capable of inter-dimensional travel—but the cost is the princess's memories of him, erasing their relationship in one fell stroke. These three are joined by new characters Fay D. Flourite, a mage from the icy country of Celes fleeing his sleeping king, and Kurogane, a ninja from Nihon who dresses all in black and has been cursed to become weaker with each person he kills; both of these also relenquish their most valuable possessions, for Kurogane wishes to return to his world and Fay wishes to travel anywhere but home, and traveling with Syaoran grants the wishes of both. Now then, let me reiterate from the thread title: [CENTER][COLOR="Red"][B][SIZE="7"][[/SIZE] [SIZE=6][U]MAJOR[/U] [U]FRIKKIN'[/U] [U]SPOILERS[/U][/SIZE] [SIZE=7]][/SIZE][/B][/COLOR][/CENTER] If you haven't read the manga at least to chapter [strike]120[/strike] [B][COLOR=Red]200[/COLOR][/B], I suggest you turn around and go back, because although your jaw will probably drop farther than mine while I was reading this manga, learning any of what we'll be talking about will positively ruin the story for you. Moving on. So far we've been graced with the pasts of Kurogane (via Syaoran, courtesy of that magic book in the library of LeCourt country) and Fay (as fragmented flashbacks during the three-way between him, Kurogane, and Fay's king Ashura), both of whom have suffered greatly at the machinations of Fei Wong Reed. Fay, who's name is actually that of his deceased brother—Fay is in truth Yuui, and his pseudonym combines his brother's name with the fluorite stone given him by Ashura and his mage rank (D) at the time of his renaming—is the only one of the two whom Fei Wong succeeded in making his pawn, for the Dimension Witch used her abilities to allow Kurogane to escape Fei Wong's plans, instead falling under the graces of Nihon's Princess Tomoyo. We have also learned that both Syaoran and Sakura are (or were) clones, and that the real pair are (or were) held captive by Fei Wong while the other two carried out his desire for the princess to visit each and every world and for her memory feathers to be recollected. The clone Syaoran, armed with his legs, a flame-sword, and a stolen half of Fay's magic, has done the majority of the feather-collecting ever since going berserk during an underwater fight with the vampire Kamui back in chapter hundred-something, while the real "Syaoran" (whose discarded name has yet to be revealed) is armed with his father's sword from [I]CCS[/I] and mastered versions of all four of his father's spells. Unfortunately, it seems that the clone's stolen magic gives him the edge over the original, whose death was prevented by the Sakura clone. (Jeez. If I'm goin' too fast, here, whap me.) Kurogane is down one arm, cut off in order to rescue Fay from his own curse since the sword stored in the arm was equal in power to Fay. Kurogane has been given a cybernetic arm to replace it, but the prosthesis appears to chafe him a great deal . . . meaning he actually mentioned that it does not feel good. Fay, on the other hand, is now totally magic-less, giving the remaining half of his magic in exchange for the prosthesis Kurogane now wears. (Tangled web, much, anyone?) However, Fay is not totally powerless. Back in the acid-rain country, where Syaoran-the-Clone went berserk (and in the process ripped out and consumed one of Fay's eyes, which is how the magic was stolen), the vampire Kamui used his blood, mixed with Kurogane's, to save Fay from death, turning Fay into a vampire. Fay now possesses and has demonstrated the abilities of a vampire (reminds me of Freddy Kreuger, to be honest), and so all is not lost. At present, the trio-plus-Mokona have traveled back to Clow country to find a way into Fei Wong's domain and rescue Sakura, Sakura, or both if possible. The price for this specific passage was paid by a certain Watanuki, the main character of [I]xxxHolic[/I] who, as we have discovered, is yet another Syaoran-but-not-Syaoran. (In fact, Syaoran isn't even Syaoran. Nor is Sakura Sakura. CONFUSION!!!) Upon arrival in Clow, the heroes discover that the entire city has been placed into a permanent time-loop of the day before Sakura's seventh birthday, and any action the three take disrupts the flow of the loop, killing innocent people. (Yes, Kei. Fei Wong [I]is[/I] a bastard.) Thus motivated, the party enters the ruins Syaoran-clone had been excavating, and now we learn that in "Syaoran"'s time this was a ceremonial place where the acolyte in line for succession to the title of priest would prepare him/herself, and where the ceremony was held. We are also taken in to "Syaoran"'s past now to learn that he was originally sent to Clow by his father and essentially that it was his fate to protect the princess Sakura. He is first sent on a sort of seven-day trial period (or your money back) during which he befriends the girl; naturally, nothing goes down until the seventh day, when during one of the princess's cleansing sessions, she is drawn into a trap (or something equally nefarious) by Guess Who, and just as Syaoran is about to rescue her she tells him that Sakura is not her real name. He hesitates, and the trial period is up. Poof, back at Yuuko's shop. FEI WOOOOONNNNNGGGG [/Colbert] In order to be sent back,the price is that "Syaoran" will never again see the faces of his parents. He pays this for Sakura's sake, and upon returning finds her apparently unharmed, save for a black-winged seal that only he and her parents can see. This seal will activate on the princess's seventh birthday, when she will go through the ceremony recognising her as a priestess, and it will kill her. "Syaoran spends the next seven years searching for a way to free the princess from the seal, but he is unsuccessful. But in the fateful moment, Sakura's mother halts time, and in that space "Syaoran" wishes that he could turn back time and relive the moment of his hesitation. Enter Fei Wong. Through whatever means, he read "Syaoran"'s thoughts and steps in to grant the wish.... ...almost. Yuuko intervenes and gives him the choice, to which he agrees. He is then doubled; he, the original, goes to Fei Wong, but the [I]other[/I] 'original' (who is Watanuki) falls under the protection of Yuuko to live out his own future. And that is where we stop currently. If I missed anything important, I'm sure someone will catch it for me. Otherwise, let discussion of recent events, parallels, and nuances commence![/FONT]

[QUOTE=Indi][COLOR="Indigo"][FONT="Arial"]This is not my field (obviously) however my understanding is that most complications are treatable, except for in the case of an ectopic pregnancy. In an ectopic pregnancy, the start of new life implants on the wall of the fallopian tube (or some other tissue) [I]instead[/I] of on the wall of the uterus. As it grows, the fallopian tube will rupture causing severe blood loss and probably death. In these cases, my understanding is that there is no way to save the child?s life. Based on this article here: [URL="http://www.emedicine.com/med/topic3212.htm"][U]Ectopic Pregnacy[/U][/URL] 2% of all pregnancies will be this type. The research on it isn't recent, but as of 1992, that meant over 100,000 pregnancies a year. I'm sure by now the number is higher by virtue of the population being greater.[/FONT][/COLOR][/QUOTE] [FONT=Arial]Right, right. And from what I've just read, it seems that the only way to save the mother is to stop the growth of the embryo at that point. But since, as you pointed out, the embryo has basically no chance to survive anyway, there doesn't seem to be a point in squabbling over the ethics of abortion in that case. The only options there are either a quick termination and save the mother, or a wait for a natural termination which would probably be fatal to the mother. However, the concept of "saving the child at the cost of the mother" is still a risky subject, and is really a decision [I]no one else[/I] can ethically make?not even the father. Basically, the mother then says "I want to live" or "I want my child to live", and that decision is final and binding on the doctor unless they can find a way to save both. The reason I asked is because, like I said, I don't know how often situations like that arise. It seems to me that ectopic pregnancies are pretty much cut-and-dried as far as the child's survival, so that seems an easy decision. I'm wondering more about instances where you have the either/or, since I honestly don't know much of anything.[/FONT]

[QUOTE=Indi][COLOR="Indigo"][FONT="Arial"]They [/COLOR][the victims][COLOR=Indigo] need to be handled on a case by case basis since all of them are going to differ. You don?t toss out an option just because you personally find it repugnant.[/FONT][/COLOR][/QUOTE] [FONT=Arial]I think many people miss this aspect in their desire to debate and prove who is 'more right' than who. While the statement [I]women are going to get abortions regardless of the law, so we should make it legal to help ensure safety[/I] is well-intentioned [U]but[/U] [U]flawed[/U], the counter-argument [I]abortions are a crime against human life and should be outlawed[/I] is just as well-intentioned and [U]just[/U] [U]as[/U] [U]flawed[/U]. In the rape situation, one [I]has[/I] to deal with the individual and counsel the appropriately, allowing them to make their own decisions and ensuring that they are making their decision consciously and knowingly, while at the same time not allowing one's personal beliefs to factor heavily into one's efforts. Personally, I am against abortion, so while I would subtly ([U]subtly[/U], mind; always with tact and never intrusively) encourage the victim away from abortion, I would still fully support them if they decided to have one, because ultimately it's [I]not my call[/I]. And while I might find such a decision completely wrong, the victim doesn't need my judgment. They need my support, and they need most of all to feel like they are still worth something to someone. [CENTER]-------------------------[/CENTER] For the case where the life of the mother is in danger: given our current medical advancement and ability to frustrated Death's advances at almost every turn (save age and a few others), how often is this scenario actually going to happen? (If someone has some current stats, I'd love to see them, since I know basically nothing of current pregnancy danger-rates.) For the case where the pregnancy is accidental, based on one's lifestyle: come on. That's just irresponsibility. Have the kid and grow up. Your fault for screwin' around. Either that, or you need to start wearing a Scarlet A.[/FONT]