Silent_sword909

[COLOR=DarkOrange]Hello! This is my first thread, and even better, my first sharing of my writing! I feel I have to give you a little back story and reasoning before making you suffer through my work. :D I've had an interest in writing since around 7th grade, and for years I've tried to put down on paper how I feel. I've shared it with friends at school, but it's hard to find someone who's, "brutally honest," I guess. Please respond to let me know what you think, even if it's bad, (that's what it's on here for, right?) And if you could maybe give suggestions, that will help me greatly, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!! [/COLOR] [COLOR=MediumTurquoise](Please do not take my poetry, it's my own creation, and even though it may not be very good, I love it like a child. If you do take it, I will find you somehow, :D and take it back. Also, some of these poems sound a little emo; believe me, I'm not going to kill myself or anything, LoL. TY!!)[/COLOR] I wrote this one about a girl, and about life in general, lol. [COLOR=SeaGreen]Nostalgic Afternoon[/COLOR] As I sit alone, I think of home, and remember all the good times I had when I was younger, yes, when I never knew hunger Except for the knowledge, of forgotten years Which was often sad and filled with tears For the love for which they?d lost. Not even the brave knight could bear such sorrow, I can?t wait until tomorrow! When the world will know the love I share, With one I couldn?t bear, To be apart from. Ok, about the next one, it's alittle... different.. so please be kind to it. I wrote it after eating some of the leftover food from a Mexican friends of mine's party, needless to say, it was Goat Meat. [COLOR=Red]Goat Meat [/COLOR] The other day I went To a very special place. In my own reality Where there is no space For jerks or sterotypes And especially downers Whose only whim Is to be dead weight And drown others In their own sorrow, Like a day Without a tomorrow. And then you have days Where life makes you hungry And the only thing in the fridge Is some leftover goat meat Which, trust me, don?t eat Because you?ll die, On this, the inside Of the wrong side Of dealing with the light, And seeing it for the first time. I like to watch the stars go by Every day, while I?m outside In the middle of the road Trying to die Which is why I write So that they?ll have a clue As to what I do Every night Under the stars. Is life worth living? I haven?t the tizziest Because life?s long years Give way to dizziness And cloud the judgement Of the lesser man But will make wise the one Who sticks to his plans I myself am one, Who wants to stick Even though, I might not Get, exactly what I want Which is to just exist In this, the earth While its still got life left. [COLOR=SandyBrown]If this works out well, I'll put more of my writing up, but for the time being, I think I've handed yall a plate full. =) Thanks again! - Josh L.[/COLOR]

I will say one word describing your writing here: AWESOME. As my 'good friend' Matt said, it IS the cute little quirks that make a writing stand out. And if this is really your first time in writing first person, honestly, you could have fooled me! I like it, I really do, you use plenty of detail in your descriptions, and it flows nicely. Excellent, and may I ask where you have your other stories, if they are on view? I'd love to read them. :D

Well, with all we've talked about, I think I know a little more into the story, and where you're trying to go. With that said, I'm gonna stop bothering you, so you can make improvements and/or write the rest of your story! Good luck finding the right words, but judging from what I've read, you don't need luck. :D Keep it up, I'll be waiting for your next post.

[COLOR=RoyalBlue]Name[/COLOR]: Toru Uragashi [COLOR=RoyalBlue]Age[/COLOR]: 14 [COLOR=RoyalBlue]Gender[/COLOR]: Male [COLOR=RoyalBlue]Rank[/COLOR]: Genin [COLOR=RoyalBlue]Village of Origin[/COLOR]: Waterfall Village, but resides in the Village Hidden in the Leaves [COLOR=RoyalBlue]Appearance[/COLOR]: [url]http://photobucket.com/mediadetail/?media=http%3A%2F%2Fi64.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fh170%2FBloodMuffin%2FZoharu.jpg&searchTerm=male%20ninja&pageOffset=2[/url] [COLOR=RoyalBlue]Likes[/COLOR]: Fighting (or taijutsu), practicing his technique, sarcasim, honesty, bravery, a good, fair fight [COLOR=RoyalBlue]Dislikes[/COLOR]: Cowards, cheaters, taking command, and genjutsu [COLOR=RoyalBlue]Personality Quirks[/COLOR]: Toru is a strong advocate for fair fights. He loves a challenge, but hates when others interupt the fighting with ninjutsu or genjutsu, though he can perform them as well. Will defend a friend no-matter-what. Can be sarcastic. [COLOR=RoyalBlue]Special Jutsu[/COLOR]: [COLOR=MediumTurquoise]Waterfall style taijutsu[/COLOR], involves infusing the users palms with chakra, allowing them to attack and defend with their palms, and do either deadly damage or block even blades (if they're good). [COLOR=Teal]Lengthing jutsu[/COLOR], when wielding his short sword, Toru can infuse some of his chakra into (or along) the blade, effectivly lengthening it by several inches. [COLOR=RoyalBlue]Special Weapon[/COLOR]: His fists/ feet, his short sword and a pair of kunai, (he keeps one on both legs). [COLOR=RoyalBlue]Bio[/COLOR]: Toru was part of a noble family in the Waterfall Village. He had two sisters, one older and one younger. His older sister became a shinobi, and earned great reknown for her deeds and skills. Toru admired his sister, and started training to become a shinobi himself. When his parents learned of this, they panicked, because they wanted him to become a politician and use words rather than ninjutsu. They stopped the training, and made him study. His little sister, being afew years younger than him, did not understand his torment, but talked to him and tried to make him happy. After awhile, they became very close, and Toru told her of his plan to run away to be a great shinobi. She pleaded with him not to go, but he was insistant. Soon, when he was not yet 10, he ran away, and told his sister to watch him become great. His parents and the elders were furious, because with him roaming around without guard, there was a chance that the location of the Hidden Water Village would be revealed. They could not let that happen, so, they trained Toru's small sister in the art of ninjutsu. She happened to be very good at it, and quickly became very powerful. She was then teamed up with Toru's older sister, and they began to search for him. Toru entered the ninja academy in the Hidden Leaf Village, and also excelled. He became a genin, and has proven himself on many different missions. Though he still hasn't had contact from his village, he always watches his back, in the off chance that they will send someone.

As the city came to life, there was a feeling of heavy tension in the air. Nothing but rumors passed around this morning. The unknown army, it was said, had already taken two of the Eleven forests, burning them to the ground. "If they can take the forests," people asked themselves, "what's stopping them from coming here?" As the morning rolled on, and the rumor spread, the thicker the tension grew. It was in this atmosphere that Leies found himself pacing his room. It was in a small inn just below the castle, and he was mulling over what he had heard. "The locals say that this army has destroyed some elven forests. Torched them to the ground!" he went on pacing. "It's a good thing I left when I did, or else I might have met resistance coming from my OWN forest." Which turned him to a different subject. "Is my mother going to be alright? Surely they would not hesitate to attack the Whitewood Forest?!" He paused, and sighed deeply. Even if he was there, they still would have come to the same fate. Perhaps his mother had evacuated the Forest? He hoped so, but still wished he could ensure her safety. Besides, he had been delaying meeting the King of Mecki for long enough. "I think it's time to go." He said to no one but himself. Belting on his sword, and taking his cloak and bow, he strode from his room at the inn and into the bustling city. Passing numerous streets, he was the subject of many stares from the human townsfolk. His mind on the task at hand, he hardly noticed. When he reached the castle gates, the gaurds asked his business. Leies bowed, saying that he was answering the summons of the King of Mecki himself,and that it regarded the fate of the Kingdom. When he said this, he was rushed off to the King's chamber at once. Arriving in no time at all, he was presented to the King before his throne. Leies bowed again, but lower this time, and said, "Hello, Your Majesty. I am Leies Gildedleaf from the Whitewood Forest. I have come to answer your summons." The King looked up from the reports handed to him from a soldier, and said, "Good! Welcome to my castle. I am the King of Mecki, and I am glad to see that someone is finally answering the summons!" He laughed, but grimly.

OMG!! Pirate Metal!! Dude, this stuff rocks!! Pirates, with Heavy Metal; now why didn't I think of that? Jakehammaren, Thank you!! You have made my life better!! Rock on with the Pirates!!

Hello, me again. While I must admit, it was a bit daunting when I saw how long the story was, I started reading it and just couldn't stop. I really like Naruto, and I was estatic when I found that this story used the same theme. I have been wanting to start some sort of Naruto based story or rpg myself, but I hadn't got around to it. This story is really kool, and I will give you my honest opinions. Shinji is of course my favorite character. I'm going to assume he's based off Naruto, because their characters are so similar. The fact that he has a giant sword as his spirit weapon is even kooler. Like I mentioned earlier, just give him the chance to use it somewhere in the future, though from your comment, I have no doubt that you will. =) Anyway, hate, as in.. dislike? Or hate as in, needs so much work its crazy? I think you meant the first one, because none of your characters are so poorly developed. The only one I have anything to say about is Isumi. He's made like Gaara, meaning he has, or is, a monster. You've explained some of his background, and given him a decent showing. Maybe you should play out his character more? I mean, like his other teammates, how we saw how they acted around people? I guess just have him interact with more people. I mean it's great now, and the characters will interact more and more as the story goes on, so if this helps good and if not, sorry. One thing, is being the leader SO important? Everyone needs to be a team, not worry about ruling everyone else. Though I do guess it's just in their personalities. LoL poor Shinji!! I was surprized when you mentioned the wasukas. I immediately thought "Bleach!" and it turns out I was right. I really like this new development. It makes for an interesting twist for a Ninja story. Just, make sure they USE them! I cannot stress this enough. In Bleach, they train for their zanpaktos different strengths, and the zanpaktos give their owner the power. Maybe use this in a similar way, though I don't know where you were going with it. Just make SURE to develop the wasukas, because they have personalities too. Though I'm not sure I helped all that much, at least I said what I was thinking. I get on everyday, so if you leave a comment, I should be able to reply back pretty quickly. Thanks for the chance to talk!! O yeah, and how far are you on the next chapter? I'm REALLY looking forward to it. :D

Hey, I'm kindof new here, but I thought I'd leave you a comment. I've read your entire story, and I have to say; it's really good! It uses alot of elements from other anime, (mostly Naruto) and I think it's great! The story flows really well, and the characters are awesome. Most people can't pull off a story based on another anime or two, but you've done really well!! I hope to hear more, I think I'm addicted. I REALLY want to see when Shinji uses his sword. Anyway, keep up the good work!

[COLOR=DeepSkyBlue]Name[/COLOR]: Hoshi Sato [COLOR=DeepSkyBlue]Age[/COLOR]: 29 [COLOR=DeepSkyBlue]Gender[/COLOR]: Male [COLOR=DeepSkyBlue]Race[/COLOR]: Human [COLOR=DeepSkyBlue]Appearance[/COLOR]: Hoshi dresses like the traditional samurai; a white robe, or kimono with a sash around the waist to hold up his dashio, or set of katana and wakizashi, (longsword and short sword). He has no facial hair, (he shaves daily) and his eyes are a dark brown. His hair is black, and pulled back to a bushy ponytail. [COLOR=DeepSkyBlue]Bio[/COLOR]: Hoshi is a samurai of the Mist Dragon Clan. During the war between the loyalists and the rebels, he fought as did the rest of his clan for the loyalists. Even though some of the clan didn't agree with the loyalists idea's, it was against their honor to hold thier forces back from their allies. So, leading the charge like all good samurai, they held onto their swords and faced death like so many other times before. But this time was different. When the fighting was done, and the dust of the battlefield cleared... none of Hoshi's clan were left standing. Hoshi himself had been wounded; so badly that later on his arm had to be amputated. His clan had been completely wiped off the field, and noone knew how. Hoshi just couldn't fathom how an entire force of samurai just disappeared! He had gotten separated from the main group in the heat of battle, but in the end, he was the only one still breathing. Bandaging up his arm, he quickly returned to his home... ...Only to find it in burnt ruins. The Mist Dragons, it seemed, had finally met their demise, but not in the honorable way in which samurai live. It had been through trickery and deciet, surely, thought Hoshi, that his clan was murdered. Not knowing how to deal with such sorrow, he pondered an honorable suicide; for if the rest of his clan was gone, even the elders and stronger fighters, how could he stay living with the honor of his annihalated clan resting on his shoulders alone? In the end, after much deliberation and thought, he decided that he would not take the easy way out, he would strive to find the secrets of his clans demise, so that he may in time, be able to avenge there deaths. Once he made up his mind, he set out to find himself a replacement arm; he'd need it if he would be fighting anytime soon! (In the battle, his sword arm was literally bisected from bicept to wrist, there was no way to salvage it) After convincing a dwarf craftsman and an elven mage, he finally got a working mechanical arm, that worked off of magic. After swearing them eternal gratitude, and many other similar oaths, he finally set off to find his clans murderers and avenge them. At a travelers stop, he found information on a certain bounty company, who had deep connections and were about to make some "daring" venture. The man laughed when he suggested going to see them. All Hoshi could think about was his wronged clan, and that maybe he had found the first step to finding answers. [COLOR=DeepSkyBlue]Speciality[/COLOR]: Hoshi is skilled with his swords, and is trained in the art of hand-to-hand combat. He has too be trained in hand-to-hand fighting; it's what gives his moves their flowing motion. Usually wielding his katana in his metal hand for extra strength, he deals terrible wounds, and is quick enough to fend off attacks. He can use his arm to block attacks, but it's not indestructable; eventually it would break. [COLOR=DeepSkyBlue]Personality[/COLOR]: People that see him with his metal arm, call him the Steel Samurai. Hoshi usually keeps to himself, not trusting anyone after his clan was destroyed. His arm too he keeps secret, hoping to give himself an edge on any fights he enters. He is calm and careful, and doesn't usually let his emotions show. He won't back down from a fight, even if his opponent is much stronger than he is. Hoshi sees it as a challenge to his abilities and a personal goal to overcome. His goal is to see his clan avenged, and he knows he will either accomplish this, or die trying.

[COLOR=DarkOrange]Name[/COLOR]: Zype [COLOR=DarkOrange]Age[/COLOR]: 16 [COLOR=DarkOrange]Gender[/COLOR]: Male [COLOR=DarkOrange]Appearance[/COLOR]: Brown, short hair, with dull gray eyes. (His eyes used to be blue until he found the Gangirock) He wears a dark grey hoodie, with black shorts and a loose t-shirt. [COLOR=DarkOrange]Personality[/COLOR]: Being 16, he was a real handful. He always had to be first, and he wouldn't accept anything less than what HE wanted. His parents were just about to give up on him, when he ran away, thinking himself better than them, and everyone else he knew. This all changed when he came into contact with the Gangirock. To have it accept him, it said he had to sacrifice something precious. Thinking nothing of it, he decided to get rid of his memories; of his parents, of his old friends, of the bad influences in his life. He now shows hardly any emotion, other than curiousity and the occasional wonder about the life he leads. [COLOR=DarkOrange]Gangirock[/COLOR]: The power of his Gangirock is that of the Earth; of cliffs and mountains and rockslides. The name of it is Raging Earth. [COLOR=DarkOrange]How did you obtain Gangirock[/COLOR]?: While trying to survive in the wild, he one day "felt" that he was supposed to... "go" somewhere. He followed his intuition, and ended up at a hidden cave, far out where people hadn't lived for centuries. He cautiously walked in, not knowing what to expect. What he found deep inside was an altar, where he found the Gangirock scroll of the Earth element. That's when his life changed forever. [COLOR=DarkOrange]What did you lose after obtaining Gangirock[/COLOR]?: To be accepted by the Gangirock, he had to give up his memories of his former life. [COLOR=DarkOrange]Bio[/COLOR]: Growing up mostly on his own, he developed a sort of, "need" to be the best. He had parents, but they weren't around much, and when they were, they fought and argued. He never really liked that, but got used to it so much that he eventually could tune it out while he continued on with his own pursuits. His friends were almost non-existent, he would much rather just get what he needed from people than befriend them. He then got the bright idea that he could fend for himself, he didn't need his parents, them never being around and all. He decided to run away, and when he was 16, he did just that. He stayed in the city for a while, but it was too dangerous there, he might get sent back home. So he set off into the wilderness, to make his own way, and get away from everyone who was inferior to him. While out there, where no one had been for so long, he found the Gangirock scroll, and gained the power of Earth. It had called to him, and he answered it by giving it his memories, in return for it's acceptance. As the memory of his mother and father was pulled from his mind, he shuddered, and suddenly felt very odd, but he didn't remember why. Now, with his memory gone, he wanders around, looking for a purpose.

[B]Bio sheet[/B] [COLOR=Teal]Name[/COLOR]: Leies Gildedleaf [COLOR=Teal]Age[/COLOR]: 27 [COLOR=Teal]Gender[/COLOR]: Male [COLOR=Teal]Race[/COLOR]: half-elven [COLOR=Teal]Appearance[/COLOR]: Shoulder-length blonde hair, with deep green eyes, no facial hair. Wears a green cloak and comfortable-yet-durable clothing, pants, shirt, boots, ect. [COLOR=Teal]City or Forest[/COLOR]: The Forest of White Wood: High Elder Xion [COLOR=Teal]Class[/COLOR]: Mage Knight [COLOR=Teal]Personality[/COLOR]: Curious like the elves he was raised with, but with a slow, cautious nature, Leies is still young for a half-elf. He always speaks whats on his mind, not usually thinking about what the consequences will be. This kind of attitude has made him some bitter rivals, but Leies couldn't care less. He's never had many friends, but since he grew up without a father, he's used to it, and just keeps on moving forward. His mother's family accepts him as their own, though, and it is through them that he found his outlet; sword play. He hopes to one day be good enough to win reknown across the land, even if he won't admit it to himself. He has left his home, and now wanders in search of mercenary work, and a chance to prove himself. [COLOR=Teal]Weapons[/COLOR]: A long sword that was made in past generations for his family, his mother gives it to him, so that he will be safe when he ventures out into the world. It is said to be blessed by an elven goddess, but no one has ever proved this. It is of very fine elven make nonetheless. A long bow of his people, it was made for him when he was small, and he still prefers it to this day. It's good for hunting, and that's all that matters to him. [COLOR=Teal]Magic[/COLOR]: [COLOR=DarkGreen]Barrier[/COLOR]- When Leies waves his hand, he can produce a magical barrier that is able to block most attacks. Can be held in place, or used in tandem with his sword fighting. [COLOR=RoyalBlue]Wind shield[/COLOR]- Leies can use this by swinging his sword in fast patterns about him. Creates a ball of wind about him that will repell almost anything. (Hard to keep up though, as it wears on his stamina) [COLOR=Magenta]Dome[/COLOR]-Creates an extremely strong dome of energy around the user and anyone around them that is almost impossible to break. The only drawback is the user cannot move while using this spell and causes serious stamina/energy drain on them. [COLOR=Teal]Bio[/COLOR]: His father was a traveling human mercenary, wanting only to have his own way in the world. As his group passed through an elven village, he had his eye on an elf maiden. Let's just say he got what he wanted. After this, he left the place and never came back. This is where Leies comes in. He never asked for a good-for-nothing father; it just happened. He was born into the elven forest of WhiteWood, and has had to get along with the fact that he has no father. This, coupled with the fact that everyone his age called him a mixed blood, didn't help his troubled mind. His mother didn't even tell him why she was so afraid of him going out into the world, until he suggested becoming a mercenary. She thought she might change his mind with the story, to make him stay there with her; but in truth, it only fueled the fire. Now, he had more than just a passing fancy to go off on an adventure; he had a PURPOSE, to find his father, and see the man who was cursed by his mother. Maybe he would have some answers that his elven world just couldn't give him. [COLOR=Teal]Snippet[/COLOR]: Leaning the back of his chair against the tavern wall, Leies judged that now was the time to talk. The bandits had left, with most of the tavern's gold in tow. In his friendly and casual way, he got out of his chair, and made his way to the bar keeper. Still using his "nice voice" he asked the barkeep for a drink. The barkeeper, flabergasted that a man would ask him for liquor at a time like this, responded by dropping his jaw. Leies sighed, he was going to have to lead this the way he wanted it to go. "So old man," said Leies, "just how much gold was stolen? I can tell by the way they staggered out of here that they must have gotten away handsomely ..." he broke off. The barkeeper just nodded, stupidly. "And..." continues Leies, "seeing as I'm the only one left here that hasn't run off, I'd like to be the first to offer my services to you." He bowed, his cloak sweeping the floor. Stammering, the barkeeper replied, "Yo..you...your not with them?!" Laughing, Leies shook his shoulder length hair. The sunlight shone through a broken window, and it made his hair shine. "Of course not, it would ruin my reputation to be seen with such low-lifes as themselves. I'm a mercenary for-hire, and right now, it looks as though my services are required." He bowed low again, this time his hair touched the floor. Then he looked up, "For a modest fee, of course." The barkeeper nodded his head vigourously, wanting nothing more than his precious money back in his arms. With that being said, Leies swept out the door and went to ask which way the men went. He smiled, it had been his first real job in weeks. Hours later, just as it was getting dark, a triumphant Leies returned to the tavern, all the gold with him in bags. The innkeeper was jubilant, and jumped up and down with glee. After a few rounds of ale, and the story of his feat told many times over, the innkeeper pulled Leies aside. Motioning to a paper he held in his hand, he said to Leies, "While you were gone, a messenger arrived in town with tidings." He cleared his throat. "The King of Mecki is asking all the best fighters in all the lands to gather to his kingdom, and by jove, I think you ought to go!" He smiled at Leies, while he examined the paper. "Sounds interesting," said Leies. "I might have to check up on it," he said almost to himself. After a few more complimants from the innkeeper, he walked slowly up to his free room, lost in thought. "Maybe, I'll be able to find my father." He thought. But soon, he was in his room, sleeping and dreaming of the journey he would undertake the next day.