eleanor

[quote name='Aaryanna'][COLOR="DarkGreen"][FONT="Book Antiqua"] The day my emotions take precedent over logical and rational thinking is the day someone needs to drag me out into the street and put me out of my misery so to speak. [I]*shot*[/I][/FONT][/COLOR][/QUOTE] [font=trebuchet ms] [spoiler]So you're going to become the neighborhood cat lady? ;)[/spoiler][/font]

[font=trebuchet ms] I guess I just wanted to update this thread and say I realize how ridiculous I was being a few months ago. I cringed while re-reading my first post, saw how silly I was being sometimes. The past few months have been a time of reflection, if not progression. Interestingly enough, once my heart was completely settled on UGA, with a roommate I liked and the dorm building I wanted, and after realizing how amazing the honors program was, I was admitted off Emory's wait list. I was happy and disappointed at the same time, because at this point I didn't want to get off Emory's wait list. Of course, the lure of a top 20 college leave my parents and some of my friends sort of flabbergasted when I say I am preferring UGA. I'm glad I came this far, at least, to not slobber all over Emory just because it's "prestigous". While I have a week to decide, I'm happy now knowing that with my mind in its right place I'll make the right decision.[/font]

[quote name='Retribution'][font=Arial]I consider myself lucky, though... my car's relatively fuel-efficient and only requires ~$25 for a full tank. [/font][/QUOTE] [font=trebuchet ms].... What. What car do you drive?! I live in the suburbs of Atlanta, gas is now around $3.85/gallon or so. It takes me about $70 to fill up a full tank...I drive a Toyota 4Runner. Lol. I can shoot myself when gas prices reach $4/gallon, amirite? Also I love how my friends still insist on getting premium, because their car "needs" it. I laugh in their face. [/font]

[font=trebuchet ms] Not keeping up with the rest of the world. For a country that for decades encouraged the opening of international markets and entrepreneurship, the US has suddenly become more timid about globalization. Protectionist policies are a thing of the past (in retrospect, have they ever really been beneficial?), and I think we should stop fearing the rise of other nations and just embrace it. Not saying that the US is going to flounder and die, but it very may well do so. I think Americans like to think that we're still the top dog, and while we sort of are, it's not longer that clear-cut and the gap is closing at an exponential rate. I sort of agree with Morpheus on the bomb thing. It reminds me of what John Updike once wrote, for some magazine, about how thinking about being nuked and being afraid of it was like thinking about death constantly. It's a problem, yeah, but it's sort of like saying death is our biggest problem. And it might be, I guess, but I'm not going to spend my days worrying about being nuked off the face of the planet. [/font]

[font=trebuchet ms] someone rate me zomg[/font] [size=1][indent][color=green][b]Boo -[/b] Why, Lunox?[/color][/indent][/size]

[font=trebuchet ms] My sister texted me the news, and I guess my initial reaction was: I don't care. I know I sound evil, but honestly I didn't. Not because I don't care about gay rights, but because I think in my mind I have assumed that it was going to happen sooner or later, so I wasn't really going to fuss over it. Also, we were discussing the death tolls and situation in China/Myanmar in class when I got the text, and I guess it just seemed sort of insignificant at the time. [/font]

[font=trebuchet ms]While I'm not exactly up to date with everything, at this point I am leaning towards McCain. Not a supporter, because I'm still on the fence. I'm tired of his social conservatism, and with the Republicans' social stances in general, but his liberal stance on economics is a plus for me. I am pretty against protective tariffs, pro-capitalism, so Obama's economic plans don't really fly with me. I know this sounds bad, but I plan on not really thouroughly researching candidates until the official two are announced. lol[/font]

[quote name='Raiha'][COLOR="DarkOrchid"][FONT="Times New Roman"]What's there to forget? And why shout? Ron Paul's been dead in the water since March. Or probably before March but it's late for me and I'm experiencing female cramps so you'll forgive me this lapse. [/FONT][/COLOR][/QUOTE] [font=trebuchet ms]Honestly, my post's sarcasm/gross exaggeration should have been enough to ring off the "this isn't a serious message" alarms. lol[/font]

[font=trebuchet ms] YOU ARE FORGETTING RON PAUL, GOSH[/font]

[font=trebuchet ms] Congratulations! She's beautiful![/font]

[quote name='Allamorph'][FONT=Arial]You has a third leg. o_O[/FONT][/QUOTE] [font=trebuchet ms] I try my best to keep it hidden. [/font]

[font=trebuchet ms][b]There Will be Blood[/b]: Daniel Day-Lewis is amazing. Great movie. Why didn't it win best picture? [b]Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle[/b]: Love. Love, love, love, love. Love Kal Penn and John Cho. [b]Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay[/b]: Not as good as the first, but still pretty hilarious. [spoiler]When Harold was lying in bed next to the inbred child, I could not stop laughing, no joke. And the poem was so adorkable.

[font=trebuchet ms] So far my senior year has consisted of: Modeling in a NYC hotel room: [img]http://xs227.xs.to/xs227/08185/mod1257.png[/img] Modeling obnoxiously in NYC: [img]http://xs227.xs.to/xs227/08185/mod2895.png[/img] Distracting fellow studious Model UNers at 1 in the morning: [img]http://xs227.xs.to/xs227/08185/mod4884.png[/img] Winning 1st place, hell yeah!: [img]http://xs227.xs.to/xs227/08185/mod6135.png[/img] Trying to figure out what country this is supposed to represent: [img]http://xs227.xs.to/xs227/08185/mod7450.png[/img] And modeling in an empty movie theatre: [img]http://xs227.xs.to/xs227/08185/mod8522.jpg[/img][/font]

[font=trebuchet ms] Lately I've been going to sleep later and later...senioritis. Usually I got to sleep around 2-3 in the morning and wake up around 7:30 to drive to school. So I'm usually in a constate state of deprivation, since I refuse to drink coffee or eat breakfast. lol[/font]

[quote name='Allamorph'][FONT=Arial] Yes, racism exists. It'll always exist as long as some bigoted jerk somewhere is allowed to procreate and pass on his self-absorbed ideals to his offspring. But racism occurs on more than just the "whites hate blacks" level. It's even more pronounced from the reverse angle because of perceived white supremest racism, and it also extends against Asians, Hispanics, French, and Canadians. But you never hear about Hispanic hate crimes on the news, even though they spent as much time enslaved under Cortéz as Africans under white plantation owners?and often under brutally worse conditions?or about Chinese hiring discrimination. Whites hating blacks is a media selling point, and they know this. I'm just absolutely sick of hearing the "racism!" hue and cry [I][U]every[/U] [U]time[/U][/I] some white guy kills some black guy. Maybe it [I]was [/I]a hate crime. Maybe it was random selection. Maybe it was a barfight that got out of control. Maybe the black guy was trying to be a hero and never got the chance to prove himself. You never know [U]until[/U] [U]afterwards[/U]. Get the facts before you incite the frikkin' mob.[/FONT][/QUOTE] [font=trebuchet ms] If you're going to defend your argument of how racism doesn't play into everything, it's sort of irritating to see you pull the "it's always the whites that get blamed for racism" thing. Since when did anyone in the thread say "it's always the whites"? At this point you just sound like a white guy trying to defend white people, regardless of whether or not you are. And I doubt you are, but it just comes off that way. We know racism exists between other races. *I* know Asians are probably the most racist people freakin' ever. And no one attack me on this because I'm generalizing, because I know I am. But complaining about never hearing about Hispanic hate crimes is like complaining about how we never see Hispanic kidnapping crimes in media. The point isn't that they are Hispanic or white or whatever, it's that the crime exists. Would I like it if the media weren't so focused on white people? Sure. Isn't it sad that the media never picked up on Jena 6 and the W. Virginia rape/torture case until aggressive blogging popularized the issues? On both sides you can make assumptions: the side who hounds the racism card might be people who hate white people, the side that thinks racism can't play a role because it "doesn't exists anymore" might be people who like to think to themselves that all white people aren't racist anymore. Everyone saying that people who think there's racism involved aren't thinking about it enough could take the same advice. I mean, seriously:[/font] [quote name='Allamorph'] Skin color no longer matters (it shouldn't have in the first place) and no one hates their brother any more.[/quote] [font=trebuchet ms]That's semi-ridiculous. Skin color still matters, so you've already contradicted yourself. Both of my posts in this thread aren't even about the Sean Bell case, it's just about racism in general. As someone who grew up as a minority, am I more predisposed to suspect racism? Yes. And I'm not ashamed of this or anything. A white person who grew up in a white community would probably have a harder time seeing subtle acts of racism or prejudice. A minority who grew up in a white community would probably suspect too quickly any racism in a problem. No one can be unbiased or the best judge, no matter how removed or well-sighted one thinks he/she is.[/font]

[font=trebuchet ms] I agree with Retribution and Nerdsy, and I'd have to say to pretend as if nothing has to do with racism comes off as ignorant and needlessly defensive. Most of my friends are white, and I have noticed throughout the years that they try to defend any points to "whites are racist" with another cause. When I was writing a speech about the, I'm sorry, [i]blatant[/i] racism in the Hurricane Katrina ordeal, most of my friends tried to turn it on its head, offering suggestions like "the police officer was too stressed" or "the media blew it up". No and no, it was racism. And seriously, it's not even like every "violent tragedy" has been dragged through the racism shots. Mulitple people have said it can't be racism because two of the police officers were black...please. I don't even know a lot about the Sean Bell case but that's seriously ridiculous. Racism exists everywhere and between anyone. It's not like the only type of racism can be between two different races.[/font]

[quote name='AzureWolf'] You have an inferiority complex. You thought if you *just* got into that one special place, it would validate you and prove to not only everyone else, but to yourself, that you are something special. You always knew you were special, but without the validation, you have doubts. Now, that acceptance you always thought you were definitely going to get because you were special - even those times when you were nervous - is not there. It somehow slipped passed you. I'm not saying you're arrogant. Everyone is special, and this was your special thing.[/QUOTE] [font="trebuchet ms"] You're right, I do. Part of what depressed me about going to UGA was walking into my newspaper class and having everyone know it. Every editor I know, which is almost every senior in the class, is the Grade-A student that our school boasts about. I'm friends with most of them, but what disgusts me the most, now that I think about it, is that our friendship mostly consisted of this ****ing weird power play with people who got high off of feeling elite. My high school is weird, and I know it. It's like we can't get enough of ourselves. We make fun of Brown for being the "doormat to the Ivies". We rank the Ivies on three tiers, making fun of UPenn and Dartmouth and Brown and Cornell. Emory is our Ivy-dropout school. So is Northwestern. Wake Forest is a complete joke. One of our editors, who got into UPenn visited and could only tell us about how much "Harvard Princeton envy there is at our school", and now he's self-conscious that he didn't get into "CHYMPS" (Caltech, Harvard, Yale, MIT, Princeton, Stanford). Simply put, we were all a bunch of elitist prats running around thinking we were important because the teachers loved us and we did newspaper and debate and model UN. They still make UGA jokes and behind-the-back eye-rolls when I'm in the room, so their only attempt at making me feel better is calling UGA honors "legit" and the rest "Stupid UGA". [/font] [quote name='AzureWolf'] I'm telling you that you didn't learn the right lesson. You want to go to your school, the right school, via graduate school. Graduate school is the easiest thing to get into, much easier than undergrad. You don't need good grades or any of that nonsense. You just need money (or a source that isn't the school itself, unless you work for it), and they will accept you. The only thing the graduate admissions committees check is your pulse.[/quote] [font="trebuchet ms"] From what I've heard, I can't make myself believe what you just said about grad school. Don't take it personally, it's just the complete opposite of what I've heard from teachers and parents.[/font] [quote name='AzureWolf'] You should talk to post-college people you know or will meet. Ask them, if they had to choose between a no-debt, lower-end salary as a start in life vs 10k more in pay and 100k in debt, would they put themselves in debt all over again? Retrospectively, the answer is so obvious, but they were caught in the passion like I was, and like you are now. Personally, I went the expensive route. I could have gone to Rutgers or NYU and started life with no debt, but I didn't want High School Part 2. I wanted to get my mind off not going to my dream school. I didn't care if they were happy going to those schools, they weren't for me.[/quote] [font="trebuchet ms"] But the thing is- my parents would have paid for it. I know it sounds bad, like I don't care that my parents would have that burden, but they would do anything for me to attend an Ivy. One of the main reasons I turned down NYU wasn't money, I got enough scholarships so that I would be paying the same amount for NYU as I would UGA, it's only because I knew at UGA Honors I would get the special treatment and therefore probably a better education. Money was never a problem, my parents were the kind that told me I shouldn't even consider financial problems in picking my school. In the end, of course, it still factored in, but it didn't even matter because I'd be paying the same amount for either school. [/font] [quote name='AzureWolf']I don't know if I said this before, but I should have: college is college. 2+2=4, whether you learn that from a Harvard professor or a Howard professor is irrelevant. [B]College is what you make of it.[/B] If you keep yourself open-minded, enter college with a happy mindset, you will find a lot to love. In fact, the school itself will be insignificant to your experience. It will be the people there. The school can treat you like trash and overall, could suck, but if you have other cool friends and good times, it really doesn't matter.[/quote] [font="trebuchet ms"] The sad fact is, I know. I know, and knew, that people make the school. Even in college interviews, this is what I told my interviewer when they asked me my most important consideration in a school. I had just convinced myself that the people at Columbia would be the kind I'd fit in better with. And honestly? Probably. Probably, I'd fit in more with people at Northwestern than I will at UGA. And that's what makes me the most depressed. I know I'll find my niche at UGA, get awesome friends, but what holds me back is the thought that at another school I'd be surrounded by people of my mindset. [/font] [quote name='AzureWolf'][B]The main thing I'm trying to say is to ENJOY YOUR NEXT FOUR YEARS and chase your dreams - your real ones - and don't worry about the little details.[/B] College is a big deal, of course, but which college is a little detail. My friend took a summer course in Harvard, and people were so impressed, but it was no big deal to him and he really didn't care that it was Harvard. He was in Boston at the time and it was what he wanted (something about biostatistics if you are wondering). If your dream is to go to a particular college, you gotta get better dreams. Cure cancer, become pro boxer, volunteer abroad, those are fun dreams, and are more fulfilling than anything Harvard or Yale can offer. Make the most of your debt-free rollercoaster. It's going to be fun. Don't hole yourself in depression, because there are guys who will take advantage of that (and I mean that with all connotations). You're gonna love it if you let yourself, and when you come out of it, the job or grad school you go to will not matter because you have no debt to pay off and can continue to enjoy yourself. The hard part is always transitioning out of college. I hope this made sense. I didn't proofread it. Just wrote my thoughts as they came.[/QUOTE] [font="trebuchet ms"] I loved your post, I really did. It's the honest-to-God truth my parents have been telling me lately, and I don't doubt that I'm going to be severely limited in my opportunities because I went to a state school. When I decided to go to UGA, I for some reason felt compelled to fulfill a more standard mold of a "successful" student. I considered pre-law and pre-med for the first time in my life. I felt as if since I was going to a state school, I might as well give up my dreams and do something practical with my life and try to get into Harvard for grad. And to be truthful, I still feel this way. I hate math, and science, but now I'm seriously considering pre-med. It depresses me, and I know it's horrible, but I can't make myself think of actually pursuing what I want.[/font]

[font=trebuchet ms]This thread is more a way for me to write out my retrospective feelings on my life right now, so it will probably be long and rambling, but the topic of choice is just the bitter pill. The time in your life, past or present, where you fell and you were kicked on the side and you had to pick yourself up anyway. From a privileged 17-year-old girl living in the suburbs, my problems might seem inconsequential or selfish, but from what experience I have in life the past month has been the most insane roller coaster of feelings I've ever had. For me, college was the light at the end of the tunnel. During high school I found my niche, I made great friends, loved newspaper, but I absolutely fantasized about going to my dream colleges and learning and taking in everything from intelligent and hardworking people. And if there was something I ever worked my *** off for, it was school. Managing a 4.0 GPA with 10 APs, fervent studying for that 2400, balancing several head leadership positions and coming home every day to an empty house and studying hours into the morning just to ace the calculus quiz. Every activity I really invested my time into and loved, not just for college but because I loved working with my high school's most brilliant students and winning and beating other schools, every teacher I sucked up to even though I hated their guts, volunteer hours I crammed in over the years to make my application stronger, everything I did for the past two years for my future, now seems worthless and stupid and disgusting. College admissions this year was brutal. Record applicants across the board, acceptance rates sinking to the single digits, the bias and arbitrary nature of admissions committees, having your application read at the right time by the right person, having legacy (or double), blah blah blah. But in the end, I was screwed, or I didn't measure up, or whatever. The week before March 31/April 1 I would wake up hours before my alarm went off sweating because I had a nightmare that I was rejected everywhere and had to live at home forever. During school on March 31 I threw up in the school bathroom, having students being testy and bitchy with each other because we were all afraid of being rejected from the Ivies, spending the next day skipping school under my mom's nose because I couldn't deal with my friends' happy faces about getting into their dream school. My best friends could list off the places they got into on both hands: MIT, CalTech, Columbia, Yale, Cornell, Princeton, UPenn, every college on the top 20 list, it was there and they got in. People for a while thought I was in on it, too, but in reality was rejected everywhere, wait listed at another, and accepted to my two safety schools. For days I analyzed everything I had to everything my friends' had: SAT scores, GPAs, leadership positions, race, economic status, how hard they studied and why the hell I hadn't gotten in as well. I thought about the essay I had written for college, the one I poured my entire heart into and cried hysterically while writing because it touched the deepest feelings I ever had and never told anyone. But I told it to people I didn't know, sitting in some office, looking at my numbers and test scores, and a damn essay, deciding my future. I became bitter, and more bitter when I found out the Hispanic girl in my 1st period class got into Emory but I got wait listed. The friend's friend who took 3 APs got into Northwestern, because she had double legacy. I wanted to tear my heart out and go outside and scream "****" at the top of my lungs. I wanted to punch my friends in the face when they said I'd be happy at University of Georgia, because they had all gotten into their dream schools with no problems and no hassle and had no idea how I felt. The first time I made my feelings public for my friends, one of the first responses I got was a "**** you, Ginny", because I needed to get over myself and college. My mom called my sister the night I heard from my last college, and from upstairs I listened and heard her call me a "disappointment who couldn't even get into Emory", and I went outside and sat next to my garage and cried forever. Between UGA and NYU, I forced myself to choose UGA, but it only dug me deeper into my hole. I completely blew off all school work for a week. I completed zero assignments, class work, failed that week's tests and quizzes and for once I couldn't give a crap about it anyway. To me my life was over and college would be another four years to live through until graduate school. All of my work never amounted, and when prying Asian mothers from church asked my mother where I was going, it killed me to hear "UGA" as the answer. I had wanted to impress everyone- get into some stellar school and leave no one with the doubt that I was maybe stupid and lazy. It took me a while to wake out of my self-imposed, arrogant, and immature view of what had happened to me, but when I did I felt as if I had aged five years. I fully realized, for the first time, that our co-valedictorians were happy with the fact that they were going to Georgia Tech. That one of my best friends was going through it worse than me, because she had gotten into Northwestern but couldn't go because her parents refused to pay, that some of the smartest, most brilliant, and most hard-working people I knew were paying the deposit fee for UGA. These people had gotten into stellar schools, but knew the reality of finances and could not turn down a free UGA with the HOPE scholarship (an amazing deal for any Georgia resident). I realized the merits of what I had received. An invitation to the UGA Honors program, a debt-free education, an easier way to get the 4.0 again and try it over with graduate school. I remembered the day after Ivy decisions came out, when my first period teacher gave a lecture about life to his students, most of them heartbroken and dead in the eyes, that sometimes you got the bitter pill and you just dealt with it, and now we have to study the government of Nigeria so pull yourself together. This past month has been both a blessing and a catastrophe. Yes, my parents still look at me sometimes with sad eyes, yes, I still think about how wonderful I would feel if I had gotten into Columbia, yes, I still feel somewhat bitter. I've learned what it really means to fight for what you want. Once again I've been whipped into action, accepting UGA, but still holding onto the slim hope that I'll get off the Emory wait list: pulling my grades up again, calling my counselor, doing everything I can to strengthen my application. But now I know that if I do or don't get off the wait list, there was no lesson lost or moral forgotten. If you read this entire thing, I really appreciate it. If you think it's not appropriate for OB, I see where you're coming from; delete this thread if you feel the need to. This was the only place I could post what I wanted without having people I know personally read it but still have people read it and really take it in. I expect judgment from anyone who reads it, but it comforts me to know that people I know at school won't have to. [/font]

[font=trebuchet ms] I hope I'm not too OT, or getting too personal, but... @ Zen: From your service and experience in the military, are the majority of people in service from lower-income classes? Of course I've heard this, and I've always found it interesting, but it'd be great to get first-hand views from someone in the military.[/font]

[font=trebuchet ms] 2400 OR BUST jk. =P[/font]

[font=trebuchet ms] Not to downplay your request, but don't sweat it. Picking majors when signing up for the SATs really has no consequence whatsoever. You could pick Russian Literature and it wouldn't matter.[/font]

[font=trebuchet ms] April 1 this year, to me, will be either drowning myself in the tub or going crazy with happiness.[/font]

[font=trebuchet ms][b]Cinema Paradiso[/b]: Great movie. Any movie fan would enjoy this movie, since one of its main themes is the power of cinema. The way the local atmosphere and people are shown makes the movie very intimate and real to me, but at the same time incredibly romantic. Emotionally, the movie didn't do much to sadden the audience, but there were plenty of other reactions to be had. Also, the ending scene is fabulous. [b]American Beauty[/b]: Amazing, amazing movie. Kevin Spacey's performance was incredible, and the film was just spot on. I was crying by the end, when I didn't even expect to. The only problem I had was [spoiler]how they audience was informed of Kevin Spacey's death in the beginning of the movie, when that really wasn't necessary[/spoiler]. [b]No Country for Old Men[/b]: If the movie weren't so hyped, I would have liked it more. Not to say I didn't enjoy it, because I appreciated how well-executed and precise the film was. Javier Bardem is pretty damn scary, and I thought the ending scene was great. [b]Girl with a Pearl Earring[/b]: Probably my second-favorite romance movie. The cinematography is amazing, because the movie itself seemed like a painting. Everything was incredibly subtle, but it worked well and it was satisfying. [spoiler]The scene where Colin Firth makes Scarlett Johansson lick her lips[/spoiler] so freakin' [i]sexy[/i]. And I don't even mean that in a sexual way, lol, sort of like how [b]Pride & Prejudice[/b] is sexy. [b]Enchanted[/b]: Very fun and sweet. :) It sucks that Disney is making a sequel... -_- [b]This is Spinal Tap[/b]: Hilarious, in that British-comedy sort of way. One of the most quotable movies ever ("none more black"), and I love how it parodies John Lennon and Yoko Anno. For those of you who haven't heard of it, it's a mockumentary of a has-been rock band named Spinal Tap. [i]Other Movies Seen[/i]: [b]No Reservations[/b] [b]O Brother, Where Art Thou?[/b] [i]Will be Seeing Soon:[/i] [b]Paradise Now The Big Lebowski 4 Months, 3 Weeks & 2 Days Hard Candy There Will Be Blood The City of Lost Children 21[/b] [i]Movie Count[/i]: 27[/font]

[font=trebuchet ms] [b]The Bi*ch of Living[/b] from [i]Spring Awakening[/i], because it's hilarious and I love the fact that it's about [spoiler]teenage guys in 1800s Germany who aren't getting any[/spoiler]. But also strangely very catchy and fun to sing... lol [/font]

[quote name='Raiha'][COLOR="DarkOrchid"][FONT="Times New Roman"]The only problem with that is that he was only found to have a particularly wide stance in a men's restroom. Nobody ever found him with his pants around his ankles and a page bent over the table in front of him. Cough.[/FONT][/COLOR][/QUOTE] [font=trebuchet ms] Lol, that was my favorite part of his conversation with the police officer. "I'm a fairly wide guy..." =P When I first heard it I thought he said "I'm a fairly white guy".[/font]