[quote name='Vicky' timestamp='1296425304' post='704547']
I really enjoyed this. The characters were brilliantly written and authentic; the concept, as well, is ingeniously interesting! I'm really looking forward to anymore of this if it's been written. There's some really great imagery in there -- which is especially challenging for a 'place with no context'. Awesome, brilliant! No more needed to be said :)
EDIT: Oh wait. The only thing that stuck out like a sore thumb to me (no matter what I read there's always something; I have to be difficult) was:
[I]But he knew he was dead, he had to be dead.[/I]
Not much of a problem but I think it was the third mention of 'dead' within the opening paragraph. You can cut out either one of those ("but he knew he was dead" or "he had to be dead") without losing the meaning, or maybe reword it to cut out a 'dead' in there. When you can lose a sentence/phrase without hindering the prose then you're better off throwing it, I think. But otherwise lovely piece -- I was just sketchy on this part. I had to read it twice and then again to see if it felt right but it never did. That's just an opinion, though!
[/quote]
Thanks for the suggestion! I'll definitely be going through the piece and trimming it down. The beginning always did feel a tad awkward to me.
Thanks again for the thoughtful comment. :) It's very helpful.