Mitch

can a number show me the root of a tree? can a number measure what it is to be free? can a number subract all the losses in my life? can it add all the beauty that's in my sight? can a number show me where life's point lies? the answer's simple in the poetry of your eyes this proof isn't written since there's proof alone if life's an equation, then where's the answer? everything's question after question - a cancer so benign but malignant if touched by the mind numbers are imaginary, but words are divine

[QUOTE=Brasil]Chabichou, congratulations. You've earned it. [img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v151/madsatirist/OBGilligan2.png[/img] And since we obviously can't just post images that say precisely what so many people are thinking...I'll needlessly elaborate. It's gotten to a point around here where anyone can post any type of "OMG my life is horrible" drivel and so many people still feel like they have to flock to that person's aid. I don't believe that's necessary at all. This thread in particular...is a perfect example of the OP whining about how horrible his or her life is, and then throwing the advice of others pretty much right back in their faces. I'm sorry, but regardless of who you are, that is just piss-poor behavior, and it really should not be tolerated, and others should not imply it's okay. Because it is not okay. If you were to read through this thread, you're going to find a majority of the initial replies trying to be helpful. And then the OP either just disregards them entirely or damn near insults the posters' intelligence...the prototypical "You don't know me" teen angst argument. And I challenge anyone to try to counter me on that. I challenge anyone here to show the OP didn't try to pull any variation on that "You don't know me" rebuttal. And let's not forget the completely irrelevant references to Sony. I sound like a complete dick here, and you know what? I really don't care. I don't care because I know precisely the kind of treatment people need when they're in the same place that the OP is in. I find it laughable, quite frankly, that some here are accusing me of trying to assert some sort of superiority over others in this thread, when I've been making it very, very clear that I'm using personal experiences to illustrate that nobody has had a perfect life, and that nobody will ever have a perfect life. And because of this, as I have stated before, people should not think that they are special in any way at all. I dealt with the crap that's gone wrong in my life. Others here have, too. Why can't people like the OP? Oh, that's right. Because they're getting sympathy from others. Hate me all you want, but giving attention-grabbers like this sympathy is doing them no good at all. I know from experience. Do you honestly believe I would have gotten over so much of my own traumatic life experiences had I been comforted the entire time? Simple answer here is no, I wouldn't have. Had I not turned on the light in the bathroom in the emergency ward and not seen what basically was a walking corpse...my life philosophy would not have changed. If the nurses in the hospital prevented me from seeing the reality of that situation, I would have never changed my entire approach to living. I would have continued to be some scared little punk who thinks he's got the world all figured out. What I saw in the mirror was tough love in every sense of the idea. And only tough love helps people through really traumatic experiences. They need to face death to understand death, so that's another reason I find so many replies here utterly laughable. Some here are criticizing me for being too harsh, yet they're too wrapped up in sympathetic pity to open their eyes and realize exactly what's going on here. I don't mean to highjack this thread or anything, so I'll take my leave, but before I go, I'd like to request that a few people here take a good hard look at themselves and start thinking rationally, because I think that'd do a lot of good for some of them. You see, there comes a point where you're supposed to stop feeling sorry for individuals and start treating them like you'd treat a sociopath. I'm not quite sure why a few people here haven't reached that point yet, but I'd highly recommend that they consider it. [b]EDIT:[/b] And Mitch, I'm not brilliant. Far from it. I'm pretty damn average when it comes to most things. If I were brilliant, some type of higher order of intelligence than most people here, nobody would find logic in what I'm saying. But as it stands? Check page 3. There are a few posts there that echo my sentiments. Page 2 has a few, as well. If I were truly brilliant, only I would be the only one offering these insights. And I'm not the only one offering these insights. Ergo, I'm not brilliant. I just enjoy a little thing called common sense. You know, common sense, the thing that helps people deal with their personal lives in a mature, responsible manner? The thing that allows people to see things rationally, unburdened by hypersensitivity?[/QUOTE] [img]http://www.otakuboards.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=25095&stc=1[/img]

Honestly, since when can you just post a bunch of images and call that a post? When I was a mod around here I would've never allowed something like that. I mean, it's fine to include some images or whatnot...but at least have some essence to your post, rather than just belittling the maker of this thread and everyone else that's at least taking it somewhat seriously. And how is posting that Psych Ward thing from your My O defending anything? Like was said before, you should've just not said anything at all, nor should you have come into this thread if you don't like it. It's what I've done for quite a long time. Alex, I can understand your frustration with threads like these, but unfortunately I don't see teens suddenly changing into non-angst-ridden people. We all go through that kind of phase at some point, and even after that phase, we get angsty from time-to-time. It's common sense. It happens. Instead of cutting this person down, you could at least tell them that you stayed at a Psych Ward and also that life isn't pointless and so on (which you have done to an extent, but yet again are too crass about it, which just will never work). It's called kindness, which you don't seem to really have half the time. . . A lot of people are really sick of this type of thing from you, Alex. I think they give you too much leeway around here, just because you're brilliant. Your brilliance can be quite annoying, you know. If you were someone else you would've been banned long ago. At least show some decency. At least.

Haha, the "Hold It" pic was timeless Charles. My personal opinion is that I enjoy the DS a lot more than the PSP. I've never played a PSP, however, so perhaps I should do that at some time. It's hard to say...both systems have some good things going for them, and some bad. The DS has the stylus/ touch pad but lesser graphic capabilities, the PSP has greater graphic capabilities and doubles as other things - it can play movies, etc. The DS has some quirky titles - such as Phoenix Wright or Trauma Center: Under the Knife, and eventually the DS will have Pokemon - which I can't wait for. It all comes down to personal taste. Some would enjoy the PSP more, others not...and vice versa. One is not really greater than the other as far as I can see. Both have decent games, although I find the DS's game catalog to be better than the PSP's thus far as far as my tastes go.

welcome to Depressedville where laughter is offensive where blue is a love fixation under the neon dance floor welcome to Depressedville here the phones don't work here rain falls somber from a gray outcast sky

Well if you're going to run away, better start running 2 miles a day till it becomes easy. Better be able to run a tri-athalon for that matter, 'cause in the end your parents will find you and you'll learn some hard lessons.

Most of Metallica's better stuff isn't played so often. Songs like "Blackened" or "...And Justice for All" or "Sanitarium" or "The Four Hoursemen" and on and on don't get much airplay at all, I've noticed. Perhaps it's just the stations I listen to, but I definitely think you should give Metallica a bigger chance. They honestly have some of the best guitar instrumental work I've ever heard, and I think they are truly deserving of their title as "the Gods of Metal." Their newer stuff is quite a letdown from their older stuff (I'm talking stuff from their first album, [i]Kill 'Em All[/i] here, as well as [i]Master of Puppets, ...And Justice for All[/i], and so on in comparison with something like [i]St. Anger[/i]). Their older stuff is quite awesome, in fact, if you give it a chance.

It would've been a better transition to learn acoustic and then go to electric, but I wish you good luck nonetheless. I've been playing for a few months now, and it's been fun. (I play a left-handed acoustic guitar.)

The second stanza was the higlight of this poem. I thought the use of language in that stanza is more along the lines of poetry. I say this because I've been reading a few poems on here, and most of them have been layered with abstract language that feels more like nonsense and doesn't touch on anything [i]real[/i]. The other two stanzas are a mixed bag, and aren't as good as the second. In the two other stanzas, yet again you, like others, rely on abstract words - such as "dreams" or "fantasy" or whatever else - and don't give them any material essence and so those two stanzas are much more muddled than the first. My suggestion is to try to find fresh images (like those in the second stanza) and use them, since that's the bread and butter of poetry. I do like its shortness and how you seemed to have chosen your words at least somewhat carefully. The rhyming in the first stanza "true/ you" felt pretty forced, and as a reader I was wondering then if you were going to follow a pattern and rhyme in the other stanzas, too. You might want to get rid of the rhyming, because I feel it doesn't add anything to the piece, and "true" isn't giving any essence to the poem at all since it's just an abstraction and doesn't have anything to make it concrete in there. I also believe "dream filled" should be "dream-filled" (with the hyphen). That's how I've often seen it.

[QUOTE=? Nomad Tical ?]. [B]Memory Poem[/B] from [B]That One Odd Dude[/B] (Book 1) [CENTER]Looking back I see so vividly A swimming pool of memories A mass of visions inside my head Voices that I'll never hear again I see the good, the bad, the crazy Times of being active, times of being lazy I remember the fights, the yelling, the action I remember the times of love and passion I remember old dreams and aspirations Of being rich or ruling a nation I remember the times of desperation And of course, my constant instigation As I leave this pool of memories I begin to feel a little pleased Remembering things may be fun But I should look to the future before it is done[/CENTER][/quote] My main suggestion for this poem would be to mess around with it a bit. Mainly, see how it would work with some stanzas. As far as your language use in the poem...I feel it could be better. You use quite a bit of abstractions: "love and passion" "desperation "memories" "aspirations" "dreams" which is fine, but you need something more concrete to the poem, and that's what I feel is missing. Poetry and abstractions just don't go well together...if you want to go off on abstractions, an essay would be your medium, but it doesn't work well in poetry. You need some stronger, fresher images that aren't so cliche and aren't so full of abstractions. [quote][B]An Ode To The Underworld [/B] from [B]Because God Pulls No Punches[/B] (Book 2) [CENTER]Ah beautiful! So beautiful! This land we know as hell! Wide rivers of deep crimson And waterfalls of innocent blood Rotting bodies everywhere A putrid scent fills the air The endless fields of red scorched earth Magma streaming across the ground And the flames! Oh the flames! So many bodies they must scorch! And the fiery hail that drops like bombs Is so pretty in the summer The spikes protruding from the earth Covered in blood fill me with joy Oh beautiful, so beautiful This land we know as Hell![/CENTER][/quote] This one is better than the first to me. However, yet again the poem suffers from cliche images that aren't fresh and new. It's a decent attempt, and of course we all have to start somewhere. The line "The endless fields of red scorched earth" doesn't need "red." When a reader reads "The endless fields of scorched earth" they should grab that image in their mind and see the red. It's a lot of the same case for some other lines in the poem, as well: they could be tightened up. In poetry, you want to use as few words as possible and make sure the words you use feel right where they are and are strong words. [quote][B]Oathkeeper[/B] from [B]A. S.weet S.ensation [/B] (Book 3) [CENTER]I swear to God And Earth and Sun And Fire and Ice And myself, for one I swear to Heaven And Moon and Sky And Dark and Light And you and I This oath I keep Now and forever That no matter what Through wear and weather I shall always be yours Long as you are mine This path that we keep Is pure and divine Let us never forget This path that we keep Through waking hours And nights of sleep We are together You and me The two of us Will always be[/CENTER][/quote] This is the strongest poem of the ones you've given in here. It works well because of the parallelism you use, if you could call it that (eg, Earth and Sun, Moon and Sky, Dark and Light, You and I). This one's a job well done, and I really don't have anything else to say about it. [quote][B]Welcoming Commitee[/B] from [B]Mandate For Madness [/B] (Book 4) [CENTER]Come forth The bringer of dark demise Blacken the skies Bring forth our final days Come forth The bringer of heavenly light Brighten the skies Bring forth life forevermore Come Forth The bringer of divine palance Make blue the skies Bring forth what is right Come forth The bringer of deceitful lies Make worse the wrongs Bring forth insecure doubt Come forth The bringer of justified truth Make right the wrongs Bring forth enlightenment Come forth The bringer of divine balance Decide right and wrong Bring forth what is meant to be brought[/CENTER][/quote] It's too repetitive for my tastes. Again, it suffers from cliche images and doesn't use concrete, fresh images and doesn't attract much of my attention. Try to make it less repetitive and get some fresher images in there that aren't entirely abstractions. [quote][B]Nobody But I[/B] from [B]Callous[/B] (Book 5) [CENTER]Nobody knows me Nobody can care Nobody loves me Nobody is there Nobody hates me Nobody can see Nobody's with me Nobody can be I don't know anybody But for everyone I care I want to love somebody But I am never there I can't hate anybody But I can clearly see I wan't somebody with me But nobody wants to be[/CENTER][/quote] This is probably the second best one you've posted. Although I think the repetition at the beginning could be lessened a bit, it isn't necessarily overwhelming. This isn't anything startling amazing or anything, but at least it isn't as abstract and esoteric as some of the others. I know I've said this in nearly every poem, but you need to get some fresh images and nice figurative language within this poem...the language is too simple for me and bores me more than anything else. I'm not saying this poem is terrible, but just that it's more of an average poem than anything. I wish you good luck. Continue writing poetry and eventually you'll develop your own style.

My intent with this review isn't to tell you what's wrong with the piece...but to try to give you some general suggestions so you can get on the right track. I will try to go a bit more in-depth from time to time, but mostly I'm just giving you suggestions that have helped me grow as a poet. First off, this poem just screams STANZAS out loud to me. Reading it is like trying to breathe in space without any space. We need some breathing room as a reader! Also...the language is very hackeneyed. The bread and butter of poetry is images, and the images you offer in this piece are far from startling, but instead pretty cliche. Poetry is all about being fresh with your images. Anyone can write about a morbid type of love...or however you want to put it...but not anyone can come up with amazing images that stay with the reader even after reading, and not anyone can use language to a higher point like it's meant to be in poetry. Everyone has to start somewhere, of course, and I take it you're pretty close to just beginning. Believe it or not, I used to write a lot like this: an Edgar Allan Poe-esque type of poetry that just isn't the higher state of language that is poetry. The main thing is that you never give up on finding your own type of style, and to read other poets' poetry as to inspire you and bring about the change you'll need to get better. About the second thing I noticed, once I started reading this piece more, was that it has quite a few spelling errors. Remember, always run a piece through a spell checker or spell check it yourself before posting it up here. When a reader is reading a piece of any writing, and they find a lot of errors, it's easy to see the writer a) doesn't know what they're doing or b) doesn't give their work the time of day and just post it raw as when it was first made. By having a lot of spelling errors in your piece, it's pretty hard to take what you're writing seriously, and as a writer you lose quite a bit of validity as far as the reader is concerned. Many times in the poem you shove a whole bunch of words on top of another. e.g., [quote]He wants to see her beauty as he slices her sweet veins steals her flesh[/quote] And so on. This further shows me that as a writer, you haven't worked on this piece all too much (in fact, I'm willing to bet you just wrote it right here on the spot). Poetry isn't like prose - in poetry, the word choices matter so much, and how they sound as you read it, and how it comes together as a whole matter just as much, too. Shishkebobing a whole bunch of words together, as in the example above, just doesn't work. I don't want to give you any certain suggestions, because you're the writer of the piece, not me, but definitely look at tightening up the language in this piece and getting rid of all the extraneous stuff like what I showed above. Finally, I have three last suggestions for you. As I said before, good poetry has strong images. Figurative langauge is truly a higher, heightened language...and in order to use it effectively, you need to write figurative langauge using concrete things. This piece is all about abstractions: as a reader, I can't get a beautiful, clear image of anything in my head. It's all abstractions about abstractions. You see, something like a metaphor or a similie works best if you're using something concrete to compare something abstract. So give that a thought, as well. My second suggestion is to tell you that poetry is often compressed. In this way it's kind of like a riddle, and as a reader you have to take far more active participation in the poem than if you were idling reading some prose or anything of the like. The third suggestion is to impose some rules on your poetry. In my poetry, I often brim from being free verse to something inbetween free verse and verse that's full of rules. I try to get the best of both of those worlds, rather than always being at the extreme (I do, however, go for the extremes at times). Just something like attempting to write a sonnet, a kyrielle, metrical poetry - you name it, it'll help you out. What you write using only rules may be terrible...but it's always a growing experience. It allows you to, when you go and write what is mainly free verse, impose some type of rule on what you're writing (no matter how small it is) that adds another dimension to your poetry and helps it along, too. So try to go for tight, compressed, and [i]concrete[/i] images and eventually some good poetry should happen for you. And don't be afraid to impose rules on your poetry, as chaining as it might be (after all, Robert Frost said free verse is neither free nor verse, or something to that extent...sometimes having rules is even more freedom than freedom itself). I hope I've said something that will help you out as a writer of poetry, and I hope to see you improve and grow. I've been where you are, and I know you could reach where I am with the proper effort.

Metallica's older stuff is pretty heavy in the instrumental department...I'd recommend something like their album [i]...And Justice for All[/i] (it's my personal fave of their older stuff). Something like "To Live Is to Die" off of that album (an entirely instrumental song, well, nearly) is awesome. I can hook you up with some songs from the album over AIM if you'd want (my name is machineofbones). I'm not sure what I'm recommending is quite what you're looking for, though. Rush is awesome. [i]2112[/i] is just pretty damn classic, as far as I'm concerned. I'd agree with that recommendation. Got to love Rush and how they made extremely long songs that rule even though, back then, that was quite a feat to accomplish in front of the studio execs, haha. Another band that comes to mind is Dream Theatre, although I haven't listened to them as much as the ones above. Tony, another guy who used to frequent this site, and is huge into music, thought they had some of the best guitar-playing he'd ever heard. Their songs tend to get long, like Rush's, and from what I have heard they indeed do have amazing instrumentals.

If you give me an e-mail, I could perhaps send it there. My best guess as to why it's not working is either a) you have a mac b) for whatever reason, your comp can't open zip files or c) something else is happening and I have no clue. You'd have to describe what the problem is, exactly, for me to get an idea of what the problem is and how to fix it.

[b][url=http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=51500]Somewhere Out There: A Novella[/b][/url][link] Perhaps it seems self-indulgent to plug something of my own creation, but what can I say, other than I love my self-aggrandizing glory? No, but really, I worked very hard on this (for about a year), and just completed the rough before the near year rolled around. I'm proud of my accomplishment, but not so proud that it's going to make me fall. [b]Brasil[/b] Although our relationship is fraught with fighting and tension, at times I feel we put that all behind us and choose to be friends rather than enemies, or even "friendly enemies" I suppose, to be oxymoronic. I still can't stand Alex on some levels, as I'm sure he can't stand me on some levels, but I respect him. He's a brilliant man who continues to brace these boards, saying things when people are too uninvasive to say them. He's also a master of rhetoric in some facet, and would make a good politician! But hey, what's not to love (because love in essence has to contain hate, as well). I kid! I kid! [b]Andy[/b] I mostly have become acquainted with sir Andy from his blog on Crappy Club for Jerks, and he's a person who agrees with me in a lot of ways. Sure, knowing someone who thinks like you/ looks up to you in some ways isn't always a good thing, but he's a cool cat nonetheless. I'd like to talk to him for real once, because I've never talked to him on any IM client. He's kind of a man of mystery to me, in some ways, you could say. [b]Tony[/b] Tony continues to post posts in Play It, and I continue to read them, even if his activity there has started to wane over time. It's just nice to see someone that has his own thoughts on the game industry, and to see someone that really cares about it, and someone who seems to go against the grain in some cases. Tony also made my blog site, which I adore, and I thank him many times over for that. And overall, Tony is just a nice guy. I, however, miss Weh and him calling him Toast and so on...I also miss that weird misnomer of Semjaza Azazel. I mean, isn't it a mouth full, or what? Does anyone else want to ask him what it means, because it's a good way to make him hate you! [b]Crappy Club for Jerks[/b] Due to the fact that I've tired of OB (I've been here what, three years off and on now? Maybe longer? Hell, I don't even know) in some ways, and specifically My O, it's nice to find a haven for people who just didn't feel they belonged to be at OB or My O any longer. At that place, we have many close-knit relationships, and it's kind of a world of our own. It's kind of like there's life after high school, and then there's life after OB - we all have to grow up (or down) sometimes! [b]The GW Thread and the OB GW Community[/b] Although I haven't been on much lately, GW is another one of those life after OB kind of things. We're all such a ragtag group of hormone-induced riffraffs on there, it's true. I've had many a fun time on there, and I plan to try to squeeze some of that fun time back in there every now and again. Other people who deserve mention: [b]Alan, HeavensCloud, Charles, Annie, Drix, and whoever else I consider a friend that I missed...[/b] I'm short for time, so that's why I had to cut it short like that.

It's only rough. I will be revising it soon. I will accept any comments. It's attached. [b] It is rated M[/b], and I forgot to add the tag once again. Hopefully just saying it here straight-out is enough (if not, asphy, I will remake the thread if it's necessary...). Why do I always have to forget the tag?