Lady Asphyxia

[font=Verdana][size=1]Ah, Charlie. You have to be one of my favourite writers on OB. Everything you write just makes me laugh, and at the same time it's so [i]easy[/i] on my writer/reader sensibilities. It all flows so well and it just...*sighs* Is it wrong to be in love with your writing? :p [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Anyway, as has previously been said, [i]great[/i] innuendo. Very 'Charlie' ^.~ [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Bravo, my Bwarble companion! [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Not bad, although I think forcing yourself to rhyme really strains the flow of the poetry, and at times the rhymes can sound sort of...cheap. Rhymes like ice/twice and so on should really only be done a couple of times a poem if possible, because it gets really obvious, heh.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]At the same time, with practice hopefully your rhymes will become better and better. After all, practice makes perfect. ^_^[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]That said, I really like that little flash you had with the [i]-- accomplished --[/i] part. I'm not sure what you were going for there, but it really sparked my interest in the poem. I'm not sure what you were going for with the rest of the poem, but I did really like that part.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Also, I [i]loved[/i] the line[color=black] [i]habitual life taker. [/i]It's just such a great description, heh.[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]So not bad, again. Please, keep going. ^_^[/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Not bad, really. In my opinion, there's just one part that jars the whole piece as a whole;[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [QUOTE] [size=1][color=#008080]If you looked at me now you?d see just a normal person who looked as though his life wasn?t that bad, nothing seemed to be troubling him as he walked down the street listening to the music in his mind, not paying any attention to anything save for the sound of his footfalls on the pavement and the direction in which he was going. How wrong you?d be. [/color][/size] [/QUOTE] [font=Verdana][size=1]See, the problem with this line, as I see it, is that it goes from first person point of view to third person, and it doesn't really seem to fit that well. I've done something like this in a couple of stories and the character describing themselves seems a bit odd to the reader. I'm not really sure what you could do to improve it; perhaps you could cut it out completely, or, instead of describing the character, describe what the character [i]thinks[/i] other people think when they look at him -- if that makes sense. Eh, I'll try to give you an example.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [i][font=Verdana][size=1]I'm sure people looking at me would just see a normal person. A person whose life wasn't that bad. A person whose life wasn't troubling him. How wrong they'd be.[/size][/font][/i] [i][font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font][/i] [font=Verdana][size=1]The switches from perspective are quite jarring -- and the description of himself, too. While the description is good [the 'music in his mind' is a great description] it just doesn't [i]fit[/i].[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Other than that, though. It's a really good piece. ^_^ Well done![/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Good idea. ^_^ This could be lots of fun.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Anyway, this is just something I whipped up...the ending is rather weak, but I got tired of writing it and felt like moving onto something else. It isn't at all my usual style, so it's probably not very good...and possibly quite blah. Anyway.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1] [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][b]SCI-FI[/b][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1] [/size][/font] [size=1][font=Verdana][b]19) Donald just woke up with wings, that?s all. It wasn?t like he wanted them. But nobody said that flying was a bummer.[/b][/font][/size] [font=Verdana][size=1] [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Donald Thompson was a businessman. His business management had survived two hostile take-over attempts, three Tax Office enquiries, and two-and-a-half divorces, which had managed to rob him of his white picket fence, but not the mortgage. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]He was a no-nonsense man with a gruff voice and impeccable style. His hair was always neatly slicked back ? although there was less of it now than there used to be ? and his shoes were always as shiny as they were when they were new. He had no patience for theatrics and when he ran into a problem he couldn?t fix himself, he hired someone to do it. He didn?t believe in God, although if he thought it would work, he?d probably sell his soul to the devil.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Such men never take death well, particularly their own. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]While Saint Peter is still the managing Saint of the Pearl Gates, he?s long since retired and learnt to delegate. My position as a fifth level angel allowed me to delegate to lower levels ? and thus, my coffee breaks had been getting increasingly longer ? but still meant that [i]I[/i] was the one to greet people at the gate. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]The Mighty One must?ve been in one of his ?humorous? moods that day. You know the kind; where that person thinks the circumstances are funny, but no one involved does. Yeah, God has [i]that[/i] kind of humour.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]So there I was, early morning on a [i]Saturday[/i], of all things, having just finished my first cup of coffee and made sure my wings were as Pearly white as the gates themselves when up comes Mr. Donald Thompson, who, it seemed, was very recently departed.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Dear old Don was very irate at having been ?hijacked? so early in the morning, and believe me, I was just as irate at having to deal with such a pig-headed person early morning Saturday. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Still, I could have handled it, until he noticed his wings. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Now, don?t get me wrong. I love the Old Man up there on his white cloud, and the life of an angel is probably the greatest in the world, but lately you can?t help but think that the standards are sort of slipping. We seem to be letting everyone into Heaven these days. Morality clauses and all that just don?t seem to exist anymore. These new-age preachers have decided that God will forgive them as long as the repent whenever they feel like it, and for the love of all that?s Holy, he does! One would think that he?d show a little wrath now and then, to get them back on the straight and narrow. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]But oh, no. God is all about forgiveness these days. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]While Donnie-boy was going mental about these wings and babbling about optical illusions, I was trying to figure out the best way to refuse him entry on the grounds of being an annoying prick without actually getting myself in trouble. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Couldn?t do it, however. For some reason, Don-de-Dope had been pre-approved for access to Heaven. With a sigh and a roll of my eyes, I got to work trying to get him to accept his new...er...state. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]?Look,? I said with just a hint of impatience. ?You?re dead.? [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]There was some bluster about how he couldn?t have [i]died[/i], for Godssake, he was so young, and what kind of freaks have wings.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]?Oh, for Heaven?s..? I sighed irritably. ?So you have [i]wings[/i]. Who doesn?t?? Wanting to smite him more than The Big One himself ever had, I turned and called up a delegate. Who needs that on a Saturday morning?[/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Not a bad effort, again. I think the problem with haiku's is that it's never entirely satisfying, because the reader wants a backstory to go with it. At the moment, I kind of want a backstory for this haiku, too. I do like the scene it paints, and it's a great descriptive, but at the same time...I want to know [i]why[/i] this person is there, staring at the ceiling. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]But yeah, not bad. [/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]De1ayna, please do not double post. It is against Otakuboard's Rules, which I suggest you look at. And secondly, your double post was two minutes after your first post, which would not allow anyone time to post [i]Constructive [/i]Criticism, anyway.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]This is the second time I've deleted a double post of yours. Please do not double post again. If you feel the need to say more, simply edit your original post.[/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]My nickname is Lady Asphyxia, because I'm into bondage. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Seriously, though. My name's Kathryn, and I've had quite a few 'nicknames' along my 16 years. When I was first born, my mother called me 'Katy', but not long later she changed the spelling to 'Katie'. I changed the spelling back to Katy around year 10, and boy, do I regret that. I don't really like either of the spellings, so generally I take other names now. At work I'm Kathryn, although one of the guys shortens that to Kat, while the others call me Kath. My sister calls me Kate, while my Mum calls me KM. And as for Mitch, Charles and Alan, they call me Kat -- and really, I think I like Kat the best, heh. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]And, of course, there's all the nicknames stemming from Lady Asphyxia, but everyone knows them. ^_^"[/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1][QUOTE] [font=Verdana][size=1]They look at her. Some with pity, some with the unmistakable triumph she?s only sensed before, but never seen. She shrugs uncomfortably, looks away from them. ?We just broke up, is all. We?re still friends. It?s not a big deal. I?m over it.? [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]One of the triumphant ones smirks. ?Nothing ever goes back to friends.?[/size] [/font] [/QUOTE] [font=Verdana][size=1]You know, I never did like custard. :p[/size][/font] [/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Rae leant against the wall of the elevator, not bothering to get up. Her throat hurt from the screaming she'd done, and her eyes felt like they were burning. She almost regretted the fact that she hadn't pulled the trigger. Almost. Rae closed her eyes as the elevator continued it's long path downwards, the 'soothing' elevator music a surreal contrast to the scene a few minutes ago. Her butt ached something fierce, and she knew she'd have a bruise there in the morning. Her back was fine, although there might be a bruise where she'd hit the handrail in the elevator, and she'd been winded slightly when she landed. The worst part was the throbbing in her head, though. She felt like she'd been bludgeoned in the head with a baseball bat. She must have hit it when Liam had thrown her. She should probably check it out and see how bad the bump would be. She really couldn't summon the energy. She was spent, emotionally and physically. She was aching all over and was too lethargic to even move. The elevator concluded it's downward path, the little [i]ding [/i]it's only warning, the doors sliding open silently to reveal two Singaporean businessmen, looking shocked at the sight of a ragged twenty year old sitting in an elevator. Rae swallowed and stood up shakily, smiling at the two men as she left.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]God, her head hurt. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Rae tucked her hair behind her ears and walked out of the building. The taxi had gone, but she could hail another quickly enough. There was a taxi-rank waiting shelter just down the road. Her legs stiff and her butt aching, Rae hobbled over there, grimacing. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]She sat down and rested her head on her palm. What had happened in there? She and Liam had been close since they?d met. They?d never fought like that before. They?d had disagreements, obviously, but that fight had threatened to tear them apart. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Could she really survive in the SYF without Liam there?[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]She didn?t really want to think about that, at all. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Someone sat down beside her, and vaguely Rae wondered where her ability to detect people?s presences had gone. She turned her head to acknowledge the person, ignoring the sharp pain when she did so. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]She wasn?t really surprised when the person turned out to be Liam. He was starting straight ahead, not even acknowledging her. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]She tried to think of something to say. Since when had it been so hard to talk to him? This was [i]Liam[/i], for goodness sakes. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]?There?ll be a taxi here soon.? [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]He nodded slightly. He didn?t look angry, as such. Just a bit..hurt. Frustrated, too, probably. And just like that, her anger melted. Rae turned her head to look at him properly, and this time couldn?t suppress the wince of pain. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]He looked at her sharply, eyes running over her face. ?You okay?? The hint of guilt in his tone made her want to reassure him, but if she lied, he?d know it. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]She smiled slightly. ?Yeah. I just hit my head. I?ve had worse.? She had. She?d been beaten and shot and knifed and everything, and she was complaining over a bump on the head?[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Liam nodded slightly, then, as if trying to hold onto his own anger, but unable to suppress his guilt said, ?You want me to look at that, I suppose?? Without waiting for her reply, he scooted closer and gently pushed her head forward. She stiffened slightly as he found the bump, wincing as he checked it over for any breaks in the skin. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]After a couple of minutes, he sat back. ?It?s fine. You?ll want to get some ice on that when we get back, though.? [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Silence lapsed over them as they sat and waited for the taxi to arrive. It stretched and made Rae more and more uncomfortable until finally; ?I?m sorry, Liam.? [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]He looked at her, startled. Rae wondered if she?d ever said that to him before. He shook his head. ?Don?t worry about it. It was probably my fault anyway.? [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]?No, Liam, it was mine. It?s just.. sometimes stuff gets to me. I know that you care, but there are things you don?t know about me yet, but the information is out there and I just don?t understand why you haven?t bothered to find out.? She looked up at him sadly. ?I?m glad you respect my privacy and all, but sometimes I feel like it?s not respect, it?s indifference.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]?And you keep bottling everything up inside. When I try to reach out, I feel like I?m hitting a brick wall.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]?Lately I?ve been feeling like I?m not really [i]allowed[/i] to be emotional, and I can?t stand that, and I just...I?ve been losing it lately, Liam. And I?ve been taking that out on you. And I?m sorry.? [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Liam looked at her for a second, then let out a little laugh and shook his head. ?You think you?re the only one? I?ve never been allowed to grieve about anything. I?ve been doing this since I was twelve, Rae. Twelve. Sometimes I wonder what I would have been like if I wasn?t an agent.? He paused and then laughed again, almost bitterly. ?And I can?t imagine it. I?ve never had a social life. When other kids were going out, I was taking down Korean gangsters. My fourteenth birthday, Jess and I were in the middle of a war zone, sent to assassinate a dictator leader in a small, war torn country.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]?To most of the world, I don?t exist, Rae. To my childhood friends, I disappeared when I turned twelve, and my family did with me. How am I supposed to live a normal life like that? Am I supposed to meet up with those same friends and, when they ask where my sister is, tell them that I killed her because my friend?s brother was a traitor and he told me to??[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]He looked at her, tormented, as if he honestly wanted an answer. Rae?s eyes teared up. ?I guess we?re both screwed up, hey?? [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]He snorted and nodded. With a sudden impulse, Rae reached over to him, and, for the first time in her life, she hugged him. After a moment of hesitation, he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her back. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]They withdrew, looking awkward, but happier. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]?...Taxi?s here.?[/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]OB Anthology [and, in fact, [i]all[/i] Arena] threads require a rating. To learn more about ratings, please see [url="http://otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=44313"][b]this thread[/b][/url]. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Feel free to re-create this thread with the appropriate rating.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Thread Closed.[/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Whoa...old thread. And, since this is Manga, I'll move it to the Manga forum. Enjoy![/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Rae finished with the files and went to look for Liam, ready to confront him, although ostensibly it was about his ?unsigned absence?. SYF members weren?t allowed to leave headquarters without permission. With a slight stalk to her normal walk, she decided she?d try his rooms first. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Rae turned the door knob and pushed the door open with a loud [i]bang[/i]. Bradley ? lying on his own bed ? groaned loudly, then whimpered at the pain that exhalation had caused. Zharra was lying on Liam?s bed, idly flipping through a magazine. Rae raised her eyebrows. ?Seen Liam??[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Zharra smirked. ?Seen him, kicked him out. If he wasn?t in the hallway, he isn?t around here.?[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]She frowned. ?Why not??[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Bradley let out a wheeze that may have been interpreted as a laugh. Zharra reached over to Bradley and stroked his hair. ?I locked him out. He can?t get into any of the rooms. So if you didn?t see him in the corridor, he isn?t here.?[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Rae gave a little malicious smile, and Zharra grinned back. Rae turned to leave, then turned back. ?You might want to open the doors with that master key you have. We?ll need to be in and out pretty quickly quite soon, if my information is correctly.? She stalked out. ?And it always is!? She called back to Zharra. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Pursing her lips, Rae thought for a second. It was possible that Ryan had continued following Liam, after Liam returned to the building. She hadn?t really expected it ? truthfully, she hadn?t really expected Liam to leave again quite so soon ? but if Ryan had, she?d be so grateful. She had a suspicion she knew where he was going, but..if she were wrong, it could spell trouble.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]She dialled Ryan?s number. He picked up within two rings. ??Lo?? [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]?Hey, it?s me. Do you know where Liam is??[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]?Yeah, I saw him leave and figured you?d want me to follow him.?[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]?Cool,? said Rae, pleased it had all worked so easily. ?Give me your location.?[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Ryan hesitated. ?Rae?? [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Already angry, but now impatient as well, Rae shifted the phone from one ear to the other in an effort to give herself time to calm down. ?Ryan, Liam has always been my responsibility. After four years, I think I can handle it, don?t you? Now, [i]report your location[/i], and return to Headquarters. That?s an [i]order[/i].? [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]He sighed. ?He?s at the new apartment block down the street from Noodle Hut. I..think he?s gone to see Natasha. I didn?t get which apartment he?s in, but I figure you?ll know.? [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]?Thanks,? Rae said, regretting her impatience. ?Now get back to headquarters. I think we might need to start packing soon, if you know what I mean??[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]?Yeah, I get you. Where are we going this time??[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]?You?ll have to ask Matt. I have no clue.?[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Ryan paused. ?Wait, the Raellyra Stanton doesn?t know something?? His voice was teasing, and Rae responded to it with a laugh.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]?Shush. I?ve been busy lately.? [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]They ended the call quickly after that, the balance once again restored. Rae thought for a second, then decided to take a taxi to Natasha?s place. With a smile, she called her favourite taxi company; The London Cab Company. Their vehicles were like the London cabs, and they were very spacious, and, more importantly, air-conditioned. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]The cab picked her up quickly and in no time at all she was outside Natasha?s apartment building, paying the driver and feeling awkwardly like a stalker. She shrugged the feeling off. After all, she was just doing what she?d been doing for years. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]She made her way to Natasha?s apartment, with pursed lips, she wondered how best to go about this. Certainly, she [i]would[/i] seem like a stalker if she just showed up asking for Liam, but perhaps...[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Rae could hear two female voices about two and a half metres to the left of the doorway. She knew for a fact that they were in another room; she?d memorised the house plans. Unable to hear Liam?s voice, she concluded he must be somewhere separately, and, with a little smirk, Rae took out her hand lock-picks. Some agents felt that hand picks were too old-fashioned, but Rae had long-ago decided that they were small, versatile, and so much more easily concealed than newer technology, like the lock pick guns. She took out her tension wrench, sliding it into the lock and applying pressure to the plug. Then, with a smile, she started to work on the lock. [i]Click[/i]. That was the first pin.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][i]Click[/i]. She was glad this was just a basic deadlock. Her concentration was far too shot for her to do anything harder.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][i]Click[/i]. If anyone came and saw her doing this she?d be in so much trouble.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][i]Click[/i]. There?d only be about two pins left, now.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][i]Click[/i]. She was so glad these clicks were so soft they were almost silent. Although no doubt Liam ? trained to here these things ? would have picked it up if he were in the room. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][i]Cli[/i]?Liam opened the door, an annoyed expression on his face. Rae glared at him and stood up slowly. He glared back. ?You know, in civilian life, people knock.? [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]He gestured her inside, just as Natasha walked back into the room. ?Liam, we?ve only got the ingredients for Nachos, is that...? she paused and trailed off, looking from Liam to Rae. ?...all right?? [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Liam sighed as if preparing for the worst, running his hand over his hair. ?Natasha, this is Rae. Rae, Natasha.? [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Natasha pointed at her slowly, as if her mind was ticking over. ?You were another bomb survivor...? [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Rae nodded. Within a second, Natasha must have realised exactly who Liam had been referring to when he spoke about his friend, for she let out an ?Oh,? that carried a wealth of meaning. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Liam hadn?t stopped glaring at her, and Natasha sort of faded, quietly leaving to go back to the kitchen. ?What are you doing here??[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]?Rob was at Noodle Hut with his girlfriend and he couldn?t believe how easy you were! You know how I feel about this, and you go to noodle bars to get picked up by loose women so they can coddle you? You?re such a baby!? ?Rob? was the codename for the laser. It had been named that after an incident where an agent by the name of Rob had used it to spy on his girlfriend to see if she thought he was good in bed. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]The agent had been dismissed for misuse of privileges, but the name lived on. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Somehow, Natasha came violently back into the picture. ?How the hell would you know, Rae? From what I?ve heard, you?re a cold, unfeeling bitch when it comes to all of this. You have no sympathy, none at all. Liam?s been through so much. Why, first his parents and then his sister...And you don?t even care! Why don?t you support him, instead of insulting him?? [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]?Oh,? said Rae sarcastically, looking with loathing at the two people in front of her. ?Poor Liam. Why, I wouldn?t have [i]any clue[/i] what it?s like to lose your parents and siblings, now, would I?? Rae broke off, furious. She would [i]not[/i] go any further into her own, [i]private [/i]emotions. Just because Liam was acting like a whiny little bitch didn?t mean she had to. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]?Well,? said Natasha, ?I?m glad you see what your actions have done,? Rae looked at her, startled. Obviously, Natasha hadn?t picked up the sarcasm in her tone. Although, since she didn?t really know Rae or her situation, that was probably understandable. ?Liam is staying here tonight.? Natasha turned to Liam; ?I?ll just go and sort out where you?ll be sleeping.?[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]She left the room. Rae turned to Liam. ?You need to return to the hostel. We leave for a new...destination very soon.?[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]?I?ve only got 13 days left, why do they want me??[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Rae flicked a glance of scorn at him. ?Quite honestly, Liam, I?m not too sure. Before you make a rash decision, however, I suggest you consider this;? She bit out, enunciating herself very clearly. ?Natasha is doing very well in her courses at the moment. It would be a shame if [i]your [/i]presence caused her to fail.?[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]She sent another withering look of hate at him, then turned and walked out. [/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Guys, please don't forget to keep your post quality up. We do require some sort of [i]reason[/i] behind your thoughts. If you need help, see the Constructive Criticism section of the OB Anthology Basics Sticky, which can be found [url="http://otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=44313"][b]here[/b][/url]. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Anyway, I know I've told you this before, but I really like the idea behind it. When I first read the concept, I wasn't entirely convinced, but the narration adds so much to it and it makes it not just an interview, but also fun. The inside thoughts and interactions are really good, and I'm really looking forward to seeing more. ^_^[/size][/font]

[size=1]I meant that there was a seperate stanza for each Hiaku, yeah. ^_^ It'll be interesting to see what you come up with.[/size]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Two syllables. ^.~[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]I also have problems with Hiakus because they have so little space to tell a story. I've seen quite a few of your Hiakus, though, and you seem to do it really well. Have you ever written a Hiaku string, where each 'stanza' is a Hiaku, seperate to the last and telling it's own story, but still linking with the others? I think it'd be a great challenge/fun for someone so practiced in the Hiakus as you, so it'd be interesting to see the results. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Anyway, I can just imagine someone sitting on the beach with their legs drawn up, their head resting on their knees, wishing for that someone. You've left a lot of room open for interpretation, so I really like this piece, even though I'm not fond of Hiakus on the whole. [/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Fantastic poem! I love the passion that comes through. When I read it I get a story in my head of a couple leaping over the Beltane Fire, of someone taking exception to that and the couple having to fight in order to stay together. Just magic. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]This is a really expresive poem, and it really leaves a lot of room for interpretation. There's [i]love[/i] in there and you can feel it, but at the same time it's slippery and the reader isn't sure exactly [i]how[/i] the love comes through. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Well done, again. ^_^[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][And, just a reminder to everyone that we do require [i]reason[/i] behind a post. You can't just say, "Good poem, I like it," as it doesn't fulfill OB's post requirements. ^.~][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Not bad. Not bad at all. ^_^ My favorite line is the first two; This [i]Cold Steel/Against My Forehead[/i]. It's really quite a powerful opening and it sets the scene well. I didn't like the next two lines as much, but the first two were fantastic. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]My main complain would be that it gets a bit 'angsty' in some parts. But, you've said this was written a while ago, so that most probably would be the reason. As we grow as writers, we lose our melodramatic tendencies, heh. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]So yeah, heh. Really good poem. Well done. ^_^[/size][/font]

[quote name='Shinmaru']I also appreciate that you didn't go too over the top with the dialogue like I see a lot of people who write stories like this do. The dialogue conveys the emotion, but it's not overly melodramatic. [/quote] [font=Verdana][size=1]That was where I came in. :p Aren't you glad you came to me for help, now, Alan? [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Anyway, as has already been said by myself and others, this is a good piece. Not as good as Angel/Demon, perhaps, but that was brilliant and it was much shorter. And, as everyone knows, it's easy to be brilliant if it's shorter, because you don't have to [i]sustain[/i] said brilliancy. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]But yes. I particularly liked the "So you drank four cowboys?" line, as I've already told you. And, since you fixed up the first melodramatic lines, it's improved extraordinarily. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]I liked that fact that this girl 'loves' him so much that, even though she knows he may be coming back, and even though she wants him, she still sleeps with someone else. It sort of brings a malicious almost ironic meaning to it. You have to wonder what sort of girl this is, and what her problems are if she does that sort of thing. [/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]The group watched Natasha and Liam part ways. Eve and Rae looked at each other, then started to smile slightly. They both knew exactly what they were going to do. "Ryan, you follow Liam. Eve and I are going to check out Natasha and see if she's as honest as she seems." Ryan nodded and set off after Liam. Rae was secure in the knowledge that Ryan wouldn't get caught; she'd worked with him before and had never had a problem. Rae grinned at Eve and the two set off behind Natasha. They didn't have far to go; apparently, Natasha lived in the new block of apartments. The building had gone up just over six months ago, and it provided affordable but relatively-luxurious apartments; certainly within the means of a well-off Uni student. They checked the plaque by the doors and Rae took out a notepad and wrote the information down, along with Natasha's name. In the meantime, Eve had marked their position, using Natasha's heat signature as a reference point. The marker would be picked up by a satellite and, from that, Rae and Eve could use satellite imaging such as infrared to track Natasha to her apartment and see which one she stopped at. Later, the girls would get the building plans to find out exactly which apartment number Natasha lived in. From there, Rae could pursue Natasha through her paper trails. She'd make some enquiries. There were two options; One, Rae would find a paper trail, which would probably mean that Natasha was either careless or innocent. And, two, Rae [i]wouldn't[/i] find a trail or anything to follow, which would mean that Natasha wasn't who she said she was. Either way, Rae'd know soon who Liam was dealing with. While Eve waited quietly, Rae took a peppermint out of her pocket. She'd been big on gum for a long time. Unfortunately, though, Singapore required a license to eat gum -- and the SYF didn't want her to have something that identifiable on her. So she'd taken up peppermints. Rae offered one to Eve, who took it with a smile. "C'mon, lets go find out what she's hiding." [center]_____________________________________________[/center] Rae and Eve returned to the Headquarters to see Ryan loitering outside. When he saw them, he nodded once then turned to go inside. Rae bit her lip. She really didn't want to see Liam at the moment. In fact, she wanted to avoid him completely. With a purse of her lips, Rae walked quickly to a room which she knew had a private computer. She booted it up and logged in quickly, then activated the satellite surveillance. She smiled as soon as the little dot that was Natasha appeared. Methodically, she started doing all the standard checks; using the lasered conversation, she checked Natasha's vocal records, and used the digital photographs to check her face structure to see if there had been any plastic surgery that might have been used to conceal the face of a criminal. Nothing. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]In fact, in the shallow records of Natasha?s life, it was all perfectly normal. No parking fines, no speeding tickets. She didn?t have a car and she was attending exactly the course she said she had. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]She had a fear of heights and was slightly claustrophobic; no cause stated. She had a roommate that was a serial dater, and her last boyfriend was a while ago. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Rae frowned. Surely no one could be that normal? [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]With a decisive smile, she sent an e-mail off to one of her contacts. When they replied, Rae would have the entire history of Natasha. If she had scraped her knee growing up, Rae would know what date, what time, and how bad the injury was.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]She did, after all, pride herself on her thoroughness. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]The reply arrived not long later, and Rae decided she?d be very generous to this contact next time she saw them. She saved the document to her computer then opened it up. A list of dates and facts and physical appearance and idiosyncrasies littered the page. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Everything was broken up by year, and pages and pages covered family history. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Rae scanned it quickly, not completely interested at this point, simply looking for anomalies. She?d done this enough to know what to look for. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]There was only one; a blank spot in her history, when Natasha was younger. Rae frowned and pursed her lips, then opened up a window and started searching old news reports around the time of the blank spot. All that came up was information about a train wreck, so massive it killed hundreds. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Nothing on Natasha, however. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Regardless, she saved the web address, thinking perhaps it had something to do with her, and then closed down the file and locked it. Wouldn?t do for certain people to stumble across her snooping, after all. [/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Lady Bane, I suggest you put more thought into your post. We do require Constructive Criticism, and saying "Good post, I like it!" isn't enough. This all comes back to Post Quality. It is very hard to have good post quality with two lines.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]I suggest you take a look at [url="http://www.otakuboards.com/rules.php?"][b]The Rules[/b][/url], [url="http://www.otakuboards.com/faq.php?"][b]FAQ[/b][/url], and the [url="http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=44313"][b]OB Anthology Basics[/b][/url], the last of which covers Constructive Criticism. If I see a post like this from you again, it will be deleted immediately.[/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1][quote]i have no idea if i'm writing this correctly, but hey..it relates to the picture! I will be writing this while the picture is being drawn, and trying to identify what the picture is exactly.[/quote][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Err, not exactly. Basically you wait until the picture is finished and then write a narritive description around it...you don't describe it is it goes, heh. I'm not sure I explained it properly, I guess...*shrug*[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Basically, what you're doing is take the picture, interpreting it, then writing around it. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Anyway, here goes...[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [b][font=Verdana][size=1]Narrative Description[/size][/font][/b] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][i]Once upon a time, they'd been all innocence and light; flowers and gingerbread men. They'd thought all the world was pretty, all the world was whole. [/i][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][i]They'd learnt since then. [/i][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][b]Picture[/b][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][url="http://artpad.art.com/gallery/?i9doj119y150"]http://artpad.art.com/gallery/?i9doj119y150[/url] [/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Rae, Ryan and Eve had found a convenient coffee shop across the road from the "Noodle Hut". They'd ordered three coffees, hers an Affogato. Rae had a sweet tooth a mile long -- although she, at least, was not addicted to tooth-rotting fizzy drinks. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Thankful that the car she'd used had the stuff she needed, Rae and Ryan set to work setting up the laser. The laser was a complex communications set up that detected the vibrations. The system was operated by transmitting an IR beam to the window of the target room -- in this case, Noodle Hut. The window pane would vibrate slightly according to the sounds waves caused by speech. Then, it was sent back (according to the law of optics), and recorded. When the laser had first been used, there had been problems with the bulkiness of the receiver and the transmitter; they'd been too detectable. Then, too, was the problem of many people speaking in the one room.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]However, since then, the technology had been advance; the transmitter and the receiver were now built into cameras, and a filter had been included, in order to target the correct conversation.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]All of which combined to make Rae's life easy.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]The waiter returned with their coffee, glancing at the laser dubiously. Eve had gotten out another camera, and was starting to take snaps of Liam in the restaurant across the street. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Thinking quickly, Rae smiled at the waiter. "One of the patrons in there is a minor Swiss film star. He'd been rumoured to have gone to Spain for an extended vacation, and these pictures are going to bag us a fortune for the scoop.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]"We're journalists," she added unnecessarily, flashing him a 'press pass'. The waiter nodded and set down the coffees on the table. Rae thanked him again then dismissed him from her mind. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]They'd been set up in time to see the girl -- they hadn't registered their name, yet -- hug Liam. Or, more like, clasp Liam to her heaving bosom. Rae looked at the scene as if Liam had suddenly gone demented. Then she turned to the others. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]"Was I the only one really [i]not[/i] expecting that?" [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Eyes wide, they shook their heads. Rae glowered and turned up the volume on the speakers, allowing them to hear the conversation as well as record it. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Liam straightened up and looked at the girl. They saw his mouth moving, but there was a lag. Rae rolled her eyes in annoyance and waited... "Sorry, Natasha. It's been a really hard time." Natasha replied with words of comfort, and Rae glared.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]She was assessing the girl quickly, looking from the cute face to the well-taken-care-of hair, to the halter neck and sarong. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Eve and Ryan watched Rae with a little amusement, and then Eve cut in. She'd seen the judgement in Rae's face, and decided she had to do something to try to sway Rae's opinion, especially if Liam saw the girl again.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]"Well," Eve interjected, groping for something nice about the girl. She couldn't compliment her appearance, since it seemed to annoy Rae, and the comfort that Natasha had been quick to give Liam was probably only bringing her lower in Rae's mind. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Still, she tried. "She seems very nice."[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]"Yeah, a little [i]too[/i] nice, if you ask me," replied Rae, taking a picture of the two. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]"She dresses well. Look at that sarong. It's gorgeous." [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]"You're right, we shouldn't forget to pay attention to what she's wearing." Rae took a picture of the sarong, then of the shoes and the shirt. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Eve stared incredulously for a second, and then said with a bit of desperation, "Well, Natasha is a very nice name!" [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]"Yeah," agreed Rae, "because Skanky McSkankpants would have been too obvious, wouldn't it?" [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]She took out the money to pay for the coffee and slammed it down, then stalked to the bathroom.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Ryan and Eve stared at each other for a moment and then smiled. "I think I might change my bet," said Eve with a snigger.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Rae walked back from the bathroom a lot more sedately than when she entered it. She sat down and sent a tight smile at the other two, sipping her Affogato, and started to engage them in conversation, letting the technology do its work. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]The waiter returned, looking nervous. "I'm not sure you should be doing this. We don't need to have a legal battle on our hands. I don't want anything illegal going on." [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Rae rolled her eyes but turned to the waiter with a smile. "Nothing we're doing here is illegal. They are in a public place; if they didn't want to be recorded, they wouldn't be. If it were private, it would be illegal to perform surveillance in colour -- all our pictures would have to be black and white. However, they aren't [i]in[/i] private. This star knows that he should be careful in public, and he isn't." [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]She took a sip of her drink. "Now, may I please have another Affogato?" She asked with an implacable smile. [/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Thanks, Karmi. ^_^ And Karmi is actually correct. Manga does belong in the manga forum.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Thread Moved.[/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Mm'kay. This is the attempt by Asphy to have fun with both art and writing. To quote a friend; "Writing and art?! Bah, you and your crazy ideas!". [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]We'll be using Art Pad, which is a fun site. In Art Pad, you draw a picture and it records every brush stroke and replays it back for other people to view.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Now, what'll happen is this: a person draws a picture in Art Pad and posts it up. The next person to post will write a [i]narritive description[/i] [not a long one, about a paragraph.] describing what, in their mind, is happening in the completed picture. [This description can be [i]anything. [/i]An action description, talking about surroundings, writing the character's thoughts, whatever. As long as it somehow relates to the picture.]. When they've written the description, they post their own picture for someone to write about. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]The pictures don't necessarily have to link and the stories don't have to relate to each other. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]However, because it is art -- and misinterpretations can happen very easily -- please don't get offended if someone's accidentally completely misinterpreted your picture.. After all, just because [i]you[/i] say it's a dog, it doesn't mean someone else sees it that way. ^.~[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]__________[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]The first picture can be seen [url="http://artpad.art.com/gallery/?i6t5q9o99ks"]here[/url] [or, if you want to copy and paste the link:][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][url="http://artpad.art.com/gallery/?i6t5q9o99ks"]http://artpad.art.com/gallery/?i6t5q9o99ks[/url][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]

[size=1][font=Verdana][size=2][font=Verdana][size=1]Rae looked flabbergasted. The sheer arrogancy of his statement, his disgusted expression, it was as though he was six and someone had knocked over his milk.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [size=2][font=Verdana][size=1]'Hey, just because I'm getting some.' Rae replied, smirking as Liam looked shocked and tried to remain angry.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [size=2][font=Verdana][size=1]'You have no idea, do you?' Liam shook his head in disbelief. 'The years I put into earning that weapon, the time I spent helping to modify it to peak performance, hell, I even made the harness!' He pointed angrily at the Gore-Tex esque velcro harness she wore. 'Both the harness and MP10 double ammunition design where my ideas! They were adopted across the board and...and...' [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]"And now, it's mine, too." [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Liam just shook his head. 'You don't understand, why do I bother? Just get out of my way.'[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]He pushed past her and stormed out. Rae called out to him just before he slammed the door. "Have fun with your whip, Liam." She turned her attention to the MS1 and stood there for a minute, admiring it. Bradley was still grimacing with pain, and Zharra helped him out, obviously intent on getting him to the hospital wing. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]She stood for a few seconds more before remembering that she was babysitting Liam. With a groan of frustration, knowing he'd have left by now, she jogged to her rooms and put the MS1 away and pulled out a small, hand-held device.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Rae knew she'd have to follow Liam, but she really didn't feel like doing so alone. Surely Eve or Ryan would be loitering around somewhere. Luck was with her; both Ryan and Eve were loitering around...outside her door. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]They gave her a little grin. "We heard you and Liam had a fight, wanted to come see the fireworks." Ryan said with the tone of someone who was almost used to these disputes.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Rae narrowed her eyes. "Who'd you hear that from?"[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]"Zharra was bellowing it out. Those with bets have gone wild," smirked Eve.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]She glared at them both. "What are you doing now?"[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Silence.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]"Want to come with me? I need to track Liam..." they looked at each other with knowing smiles, and Rae huffed and explained. "Commander's orders." [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]And, as she stormed off, the tracking device in her hand, she heard Ryan mutter to Eve, "But the Commander bet on Liam, didn't he?"[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]She checked her moniter. She'd been given this at the same time she'd been given the MS1. The tracking device had been implanted on Liam's new weapon. When she saw the direction she'd taken, she knew exactly where he was heading; his old flat.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]When she got there, however, she was sure she must be mistaken. It was no longer a block of flats, it was...[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]"Noodle Hut?" [/size][/font] [/size][/size][/size][/font][/size]