Lady Asphyxia

[font=Verdana][size=1]I?m sorry Mitch, but I don?t agree with quite a lot of what you?ve said. With what you?ve stated here, your ideas about writing seem to be sort of...odd. I agree with very little of what you?ve said, quite honestly. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]First of all, I [i]do[/i] agree that some really good stories come a combination of things; one of my best stories only came about because of three things that happened simultaneously. That?s not really the same thing you were getting at, but it?s the same train of thought.[/size][/font] [size=1][font=Verdana][i]However[/i], I think your ideas about plotting are quite frankly flawed. The story is about the plot. I mean, you can have the best descriptions on [i]earth[/i], but if nothing happens, people won?t finish it ? or if they do, they?ll leave the story feeling unhappy with it. Plotting in advance is not a bad thing to do, because then you?re never lacking in direction. You never have to plot everything, you just need to know where you want to go. In a longer story, you have ideas and scenes that you want to write ? that?s a form of plotting, and it also motivates you. It?s like keeping a cookie tucked under your belt so that when you get sick of the normal things, you write a scene you really want to write.[/font][/size] [font=Verdana][size=1]You seem to have confused [i]plotting[/i] with [i]dictating[/i]. You can come up with a plot that you love, and then you create a character to fit. However, if you have a character and you come up with a plot for that character, and it just doesn?t [i]fit[/i], you can?t force the character to do something that the character wouldn?t do. [i]That[/i] is dictating, and it isn?t good. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Plotting, however, [i]is[/i]. It?s often the driving force in a story. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Of course, you [i]may[/i] be the type of writer who prefers not to plot, and that?s fine. I find that that method often leaves a person hanging and without a direction to go, but some writers honestly prefer it, and find they loose enthusiasm if they plot anything.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]As for your opinion on writer?s block. I wasn?t talking about not writing, I was talking about the [i]inability[/i] to write when you want to write. When what you write isn?t going anywhere, or when the words don?t come out, or they don?t sound or work like you want them to ? throughout the entire story. Perhaps you?re one of the lucky ones to whom that has never happened, but most writers aren?t. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]And you went off on a rather large tangent on perfection. I don?t really see what perfection ? or the lack thereof ? has to do with it. People don?t write to be perfect, they write to tell a story. And when a person can?t get the story out, [i]then[/i] I see them as having Writer?s Block [Capitals included.]. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]I do agree with you that writing isn?t about perfection. As I previously stated, people write to tell a story. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]However, seeing as you like to pull out examples and such, I?ll draw your attention to Harper Lee. Now, as some [or most] of you may know, Harper Lee wrote [i]To Kill A Mocking Bird[/i]. It was her first and only book, and it is taught in schools all over the world. It?s considered a classic. However, she worked for [i]years[/i] to achieve what she thought was the book?s perfection ? or as close to it as it was possible. Originally, writing is about the story. Editing is about making the story better, or rather, as good as it can be.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Stephen King may have continued with something that he didn?t think was good. However [i]we[/i] aren?t Stephen King. The man is practically a literary legend. Almost everyone has heard of him, even if they haven?t read his books. Just because [i]he[/i] did it and produced something that made him famous doesn?t mean we should continue with something that we [i]know[/i] is bad just because there may be the chance ? however 1-in-a-million-esque it may be ? that the same could happen to us. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]At the same time, I would [i]never[/i], [i]ever[/i] recommend anyone delete something they wrote just because it isn?t good. I feel extremely strongly about that. Even if the piece is consigned to a folder labeled, ?Discards? or ?Crappy Things I?ll Never Even Try To Improve Because They?re That Bad?, it is my belief that we all need to keep [i]everything[/i] we write. It?s like keeping a photo album so that you can remember your childhood ? you keep your old stories so that you can see yourself improve with time. [I also recommend you date the stories, to some extent. That way you can see your age and compare the things you were writing.][/size][/font] [size=1][font=Verdana][i][color=black]?I just think sometimes you have to say the hell with it, and just write to write, even if you don't want to. You can salvage [/color][/i][color=black]something[i] from it. Just because you're telling yourself you have a writer's block doesn't mean you can't write. The question is will you? Anyone can write easily enough. Especially with practice.?[/i][/color][/font][/size] [color=black][font=Verdana][size=1]I?m sorry, but with the above paragraph, you seemed to have missed my point entirely. I mean, [i]what[/i] did you think I was writing those essays for? A walk in the park? I was writing them because I needed to write the essay, but was completely stumped as to [i]what[/i] to write. I had no characters, no plots, no ideas or settings. And anyone may be able to write easily enough, but it doesn?t mean it will be good. And it wasn?t that I didn?t want to write, it was that I had no stories in my head ? a fact that was compounded by the need to fulfill a topic. [/size][/font][/color] [color=black][font=Verdana][size=1]One thing that really got me was the implication that what we ? those of us who talk about writer?s block ? get [i]isn?t[/i] writer?s block at all, and that [i]genuine[/i] writer?s block is only applicable in those situations, and we?re just labeling laziness as an inability to write. [/size][/font][/color] [color=black][font=Verdana][size=1]And as I said before, I don?t ever recommending deleting your work. Phrases and sentences are fine, but deleting big chunks of things you?ve written just doesn?t seem like a good idea to me. [/size][/font][/color] [color=black][font=Verdana][size=1]Quite frankly, Mitch, the post annoyed me, because you were [i]preaching[/i], with a holier-than-thou sort of attitude that felt directed at me. But some of the things you?re saying are [i]exactly[/i] what I was doing, so there was no one to preach to. So be careful where you place your soap-box. ^.~[/size][/font][/color] [color=black][font=Verdana][size=1]Anyway, with your critique of the stories; first of all, these stories never even made it to a completed rough draft, which means ? they aren?t perfect, and they aren?t supposed to be. I don?t even try to check for punctuation until 2nd draft/editing...so a few mistakes are excusable. [/size][/font][/color] [color=black][font=Verdana][size=1]As for the scaring away snakes ? you seem to be a city boy, so perhaps you haven?t had much contact with the country. In Australia it?s all sort of merged, so most people know basic country rules. Snakes live in long grass, and the first line in my story was commenting on the length of the grass, which really [i]does[/i] shoot up to about knee length after rain. I suppose that paragraph was directed to the discourse of people who live in the country, which would mean that a city boy wouldn?t understand it. [/size][/font][/color] [color=black][size=1][font=Verdana]And Mitch, that was rather brutally honest. [i]I[/i] can understand it and accept it, however, I see this forum as a community place, meant to encourage other people who are writing. I feel that as a reviewer, we are [i]editors[/i], not [i]publishers.[/i] Editor being the type that we know personally, who looks at all the writer?s works. An editor will improve, and is there to encourage and reassure. A publisher is not personal, and as such, can say that something is completely crap. And believe me, in this type of community, a publisher-mentality won?t work for long.[/font][/size][/color] [center][font=Verdana][size=1]________________________[/size][/font][/center] [font=Verdana][size=1]I agree with Shin and Arcadia in quite a bit, actually; there are often times that I can?t write, and it does lead to major writer?s block. I prefer to be inspired by things like music or characters or the story. I think perhaps one of the best things for my inspirations is [i]challenges[/i], or rather, implied challenges. For instance, my friends and I had to write a short story for school last year. At the top of their page, they all put ?Past Tense? in big letters, to remind them to write in past tense. For a while I had trouble with a story, then I decided I wanted to write a story that was actually called past tense, and so I wrote a story that fit. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Writer?s block doesn?t often strike me, but when it does, it does hard. I usually try to deal with it by sitting back and working on another story ? usually fanfiction ? that I?m enthusiastic about. That?s quite easy for me ? I have a list of about 14 fanfiction pieces I want to write in the near future, and they all vary in length, pairings, plot and time-frame. If I can?t write anything, I usually try to mellow out and listen to some music. When I can?t write, I can get very stressed about it, which isn?t very good for me, because my stress is very...[i]extreme[/i]. It usually ends up with me screaming, or crying, or shaking for a long, long time. I suppose it?s because most stressful situations aren?t really a problem for me ? I thrive on normal stress ? it?s just silly things like block that really stress me out, heh.[/size][/font] [center][font=Verdana][size=1]________________________[/size][/font][/center] [font=Verdana][size=1]Anyway, the first try I discontinued because it wasn?t going anywhere. My topic was [b]Around The Corner[/b], and not much interesting could have happened in the story that could have been resolved in 1,500 words. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]The second try I stopped was because I realized that whatever I wrote, my family would eventually see it. And that piece was far too personal ? and it would have gone far too close to my family [that is, in observations of their motives and actions]. That might not seem like a big deal, but my brother, for one, is still sensitive about my father?s death 10 years ago, and that story was actually going to become an almost exact recount of the ritual we go through every father?s day. At some point in the future I may continue it, but at the point I can?t see it happening. [/size][/font] [font='Times New Roman'][font=Verdana][size=1]Wow, heh, long post. I hope it didn?t put anyone off from reading it. I?ll post some other versions soon.[/size][/font][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Well then, put it in the Original Anime section. Your note can include the fact that it is actually fan art, but there was no other section to put it in. I'm sure if I'm incorrect that this is the proceedure, someone else will say so.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Although, I do think an 'Other Anime' would be a good idea, even if just to avoid confusion between the "Original" and "Fan art" differences. [/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]If you wish to submit fanart that doesn't belong in the current categories, submit it under "Other Anime". As for creating new ones, people usually just suggest the categories, and Adam [or James] will explain why or why not it's possible. [/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Takuya, please put more thought into your posts. This forum is for critiquing and discussion, not for remarks like "Not bad. Write some more." [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Jagan, I'm sorry, but this story isn't first person. First person is "I watched as [name] walked the dog." What you're writing in is 3rd person. "[Name] watched as [name] walked the dog." [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Secondly, you'll find that a lot more people will review your thread if you space out your paragraphs; put a line of space between each paragraph. It's very hard to read things on the computer, and it hurts one's eyes if there's too much text in a clump. So I'd appreciate it if next time you'd space your pragraphs, because it's so much easier to read.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Anyway, the story. First of all, I have to warn you that I haven't ever seen digimon, so this will be literary-only. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]First of all, having not seen digimon, I feel flodded by characters. I don't know the characters, what they look like, their background, or their personalities. If you introduce the characters better -- give little descriptions of them along the way --, anyone could read this and understand it. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]I thought the villains of the piece was very good, however, if you make the bat seeing them more ominous, it would be better. [i]The children [or are they adults?] were so exhausted, they didn't notice the bat drop closer to the ground to get a good look at them. The bat ended his flight in front of a huge white dinosaur[/i]. etc. [Do digimon talk? Eh, anyway, heh.][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Because I don't know the characters, I don't understand the tensions you're trying to build -- which is my fault, because I don't know digimon -- so I can't comment on them. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]All around, it's a pretty okay story. It isn't bad at all.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]One thing a fanfiction writer needs to remember is that they have to keep it plausible, so if you try to fit it into what it already happening, it should work well. ^_^[/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Well, some of you might know [and some of you might not] that every year, the [url=http://www.rcsint.org/essay]Royal Commonwealth Society Essay Competition[/url] runs. It's a chance for students from all Commonwealth Countries to compete in a writing competition. It can be an essay or a story. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Anyway, I entered last year and managed to place 4th in my division, which meant I won a hundred pounds [or $240 dollars Australian]. I decided to enter again this year, and I finally finished [the deadline is tomorrow!] my essay. However, I had a [i]heck[/i] of a time. The version I'm submitting is the [i]sixth[/i] full change I made. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]So anyway, I decided to bring discussion and critiquing together, heh. First of all, talk to me about writer's block. Have you ever forced yourself to write through block? How do you deal with it? Does it often strike you? [/size][/font] [center][font=Verdana][size=1]____________________________________________________[/size][/font][/center] [left][font=Verdana][size=1]Secondly, I'll post the early copies -- which I wrote through writer's block --, for you guys to tell me your thoughts on them. After you tell me, I'll explain to you what I thought was wrong with it. [/size][/font][/left] [left][font=Verdana][size=1]If you wish to do the same with your work [b][which must have been written when you had writer's block!][/b], please go ahead. [/size][/font][/left] [center][font=Verdana][size=1]____________________________________________________[/size][/font][/center] [left][b][font=Verdana][size=1]THE FIRST TRY[/size][/font][/b][/left] [font=Verdana][size=1]One thing that never ceases to amaze me is my brother?s complete inability to walk and talk at the same time. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]This quirk of his may not seem like a big deal, but living in a small town like we do, it?s impossible to go anywhere without meeting someone we know. Meeting a person we know will always turn into chatting with [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][center][font=Verdana][size=1]________________________________________________[/size][/font][/center] [left][font=Verdana][b][size=1]THE SECOND TRY[/size][/b][/font][/left] [font=Verdana][size=1]?Wow,? I say, ?the grass has grown.? [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]And it?s true. The grass surrounding the graves has shot up since the last time visited the cemetery. The recent rains have probably caused this massive growth. Out here in a small, but quickly growing, country community, it can be parched for months on end, and one slight shower will send the grass shooting up to knee length. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]I look around the burial ground, noting the new graves adorned with fresh flowers, the slightly older graves with plastic flowers, and then the oldest graves that have been there for longer than I can remember. The ground has moved in the fifty years (or more) that they?ve been there, and the cement and marble tombstones are cracking.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]For most people, the sight of a cemetery brings an automatic reaction in them. For some of them, the reaction is superstitious; they hold their breath until they?ve passed the graveyard. Some people ? usually the ones who have never lost someone they hold dear ? don?t react much at all. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][font=Verdana]I think perhaps I?m the third kind. I pass by a cemetery and remember the voices, smells, and memories of loved ones. How they looked, their mannerisms, and the type of person they were.[/font][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][font=Verdana]?Yeah. Probably the rain.? As if echoing my previous thoughts, my brother interrupts my musings. His feet stomp through the grass; we can never remember if stomping scares snakes away, or if it attracts them. I sincerely hope it?s the former. [/font][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][font=Verdana]The sun beats down on my neck and shoulders. I can feel it?s warmth on the top of my head, and my hair feels slightly scorched. If it gets any hotter, I expect my hair would burst into flames. [/font][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][font=Verdana]I?ve been coming to this cemetery at recent intervals since I was six. My father died unexpectedly in a car accident, and was buried in the town cemetery. At the time, it was the most convenient place to bury him; it was a short walk?s distance, as it was just around the corner. We?ve moved since then, and no one in my family would be crazy enough to try to walk here in this heat, so now we drive over here every birthday and father?s day. Sometimes we come at Christmas, but we never know how visiting the cemetery will make us feel. We might be happy to relive the memories, or we might be sad for what we?ve lost. At Christmas we try not to upset ourselves, so we aren?t often here then. We come on Boxing Day, though. [/font][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][font=Verdana]Mum and Mike reach Dad?s grave. We always bring water and beer. My father used to love beer, so it?s a kind of dedication to him that we pour some on his grave. Silly, perhaps, but it?s a tradition of a sort. [/font][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][font=Verdana]The water is for the plants. We planted them when Dad was put into the ground. There are three of them; two bottlebrushes and a gum tree. The bottlebrushes are green with red flowers sticking out. The flowers look slightly like an overly large toothbrush, which I suppose is where their name comes from. [/font][/size][/font] [center][font=Verdana][size=1]________________________________________________[/size][/font][/center] [left][font=Verdana][size=1]I'll leave it there for now, because otherwise the post will be too long for people to want to read, heh.[/size][/font][/left] [left][/font] [/left]

[font=Verdana][size=1]The writing does seem to be just as morbid, yes. *has already looked up Lyrics.com for Scarling lyrics* [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]I think my favorite song at the moment is Band Aid Covers The Bullet Hole, partly because of the melody -- it's very soft and dreamy, but with these dark undertones -- and also (just a tad) because it's the quickest one to load for me. ^_^" [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]I also particularly like The Last Day I Was Happy, however, I think they're all quite good.[/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Well, I saw your post in your blog saying you had the CD on your radio.blog, so I did what any normal fan would do -- I went to check it out. At the moment I've listened to [i]The Last Day I Was Happy[/i], and [i]Band Aid Covers The Bullet Hole[/i]. While I've never actually heard My Bloody Valentine, I have to agree that this isn't much like the sound Jack Off Jill had. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]That being said, I think that it's probably a good thing that Scarling aren't a carbon copy of JOJ, but keep enough of the elements that JOJ had -- Jessicka's voice, for instance -- to keep the fans coming back. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]I think that the new songs are absolutely fabulous. When I finally manage to find/order this CD in, I'm going to be absolutely ecstatic. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]While it's sort of hard for me to tell, I think that Scarling do the same thing as JOJ used to do -- let the new song's beginning run on from the old song's end? [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Anyway, from what I've heard, it's a great 'new' band. I look foward to seeing more of them...hopefully.[/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Please remember to include some sort of topic for threads. [color=black]If you wish to find examples of Mary Sues, look them up in google. I believe there are also entire groups dedicated to the decimation of Mary Sues on Live Journal.[/color] I'm going to keep this open for now, but I'll ask that you try to improve the discussion a bit. ~_^[/size][/font]

[size=1]Please read the [url=http://otakuboards.com/rules.php?][b]rules[/b][/url]. At OtakuBoards, clear, easy to read posts are greatly emphasised. This includes correct use of spelling, grammar and punctuation. While a few incidental mistakes can definately be excused, a disclaimer [i]isn't[/i] an reason for lack of decent spelling, grammar, or punctuation, which can easily be remedied by using Microsoft Word's inbuilt spell check. [/size] [size=1]At the moment, this level of quality isn't acceptable. Feel free to post some more of your work when you brush up your post quality.[/size] [size=1]Thread Closed.[/size]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=black]The thing is, unless there's someone who would go to everyone's user profile, no one is going to see the post count anyway. It has no real relevance at all anymore, except perhaps when you go from "New Member" to "Member". And my take on those different titles is so that we know who are new, and we can guide them. [/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=black]Basically, there's no need to worry about your post count anymore -- there's nothing that comes with it. No new titles, no little extra bits. It [i]is[/i] an extra bit, itself, now. [/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=black]The emphasis in these versions is shifting its perspective a little bit so that it now focuses almost solely on quality, rather than quantity, heh. [/color][/size][/font] [color=black][font=Verdana][size=1]So don't worry about it. Just sit back, relax, and let the good times role. ^.~[/size][/font][/color]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Recently, I've stumbled across the art of doll making -- although I think other people might call it sprites, maybe. Anyway, I made this doll today. I used the base from [url=http://www.btinternet.com/~andrew.e.roberts/index.htm]Xandorra's Place[/url], and used a Medieval hair tutorial, and a dress tutorial. Like I said -- it's only recently that I've started doing these. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Anyway, I thought the dress was pretty shabby -- I couldn't find a mediavel dress tutorial anywhere, so I used a formal dress.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]This was all done in MS Pain, so it isn't the best quality, heh. Anyway, please comment with constructive criticism etc.[/size][/font] [center][font=Verdana][size=1][img]http://www.angelfire.com/falcon/quiescence/Kayla.jpg[/img][/size][/font][/center] [left][font=Verdana][size=1]Thanks. [/size][/font][/left]

[font=Verdana][size=1]There is already a thread pertaining to the discussion of favorite characters in books, which you can find [/size][/font][url="http://otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=36438"][b][font=Verdana][size=1]here[/size][/font][/b][/url][font=Verdana][size=1]. Otakuboards' [/size][/font][url="http://otakuboards.com/rules.php?"][b][font=Verdana][size=1]rules[/size][/font][/b][/url][font=Verdana][size=1] does not allow the repetition of existing threads. In future, please scroll down the page to check for the same topics before beginning a new thread. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Thread closed.[/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Lady Nai, this thread is specifically for Karma of Chaos' poetry. Poetry by other people is not accepted. If you wish to post your own poetry, please feel free to start up your own poetry thread. Just remember when you do that there's no double posting allowed, and if you wish to add a poem and no one's replied, edit your previous post. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]-- Asphy[/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=black]That colour font is really hard to read with this background. [/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Anyway, the first line is okay. I think perhaps you could cut out the 'Kairi giggled' part, and just opened with the interesting 'Are you sure?'. The reader will automatically read on, to find out what they aren't sure about. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]There's also too much dialogue -- try to include descriptions of where they are, what they're doing, what the look like and so on.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Finally; watch the tense. You switch from past to present. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Other than that, the story is pretty good. ^_^[/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=black]Please read the [url=http://otakuboards.com/rules.php?][u]rules[/u][/url] and clean up your spelling. It is, quite frankly, horrible. Your story and post becomes very hard to understand. Words need spaces between them, which you've missed quite a lot. I'll also ask you to use better spacing in future -- a line's space between paragraphs. It makes for easier reading. I think these problems could probably be resolved if you put more time into your posts.[/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=black]The piece could use some work. Like Lalaith Ril said, it needs to be revised and expanded. Most of the story could be dragged out into a 1000 + word story, and it's contained here in very little words. I understand that you're probably working within a limit, but perhaps expanding something to include the senses; what did the salt water smell like, what did the raft feel like, what did the skly look like, and so on. [/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=black]With quite a bit of revision, this could actually be a fairly quality story. The idea's there, you just need to make it work. [And keep your post quality up.][/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=black]Great poem. Wonderful sense of rhyme and rhythm; it flows magnificently. As Thaylien has said -- this is really a quality poem. It's very well rounded, and probably one of the best I've seen. It actually reminds me of Robert Frost's [u]The Road Less Travelled[/u]. The only comment I'd could make would be that the rhyming words are very simple. If it were an abab format, it'd probably seem trite, but because it's aaaa, bbbb format, it seems fine. [/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Judging from this first post, I'm not sure if there's really anything to discuss. It was rather general and you didn't explain the purpose well enough, not to mention you didn't post any examples of your poetry. Please give greater substance to your threads in the future -- an explanation of the method of poetry could have led to discussion. Once you get some poetry, feel free to post that up.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Thread Closed.[/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]I think the difference between these poems and other poems is that these ones border on Stream of Consciousness [Which is quite cool, itself, heh.] but never actually step over the line. It's like an inner narration, I suppose. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]The poems are quite good -- having never read Macbeth, I can't judge accuracy, but I have read [u]Wyrd Sisters[/u], by Terry Pratchett and it has much the same ideas as Macbeth, I believe. I like the reference to cologne as the stench of death, heh.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]And [u]Masquerade[/u] was very good, too. I think you could use the idea as a story, in fact, with a trippy ending that no one saw coming. Of course you'd inculde the poem in there somewhere, too. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Anyway, good work. [/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Wow. Um, very heavy, especially in a play. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]I also found that I had to actually look up existentialism [the meaning of which I've put down the bottom of the page, in case anyone else would like to know it], because I didn't know what it was. If you want to have this on stage, perhaps you could add a bit to explain it to some extent. The veiwers wouldn't have a dictionary, and it's possible some of the audience wouldn't know what it meant.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]I don't mind the piece, really, but the big chunks of monologue mean that it would be hard to use it in a two person assesment, because the work load is uneven. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]It's very hard to read through it all, I suppose. I think perhaps if, instead of having Rachel 'teaching' and Andrea 'learning', you had them both contributing their ideas -- if it fits the characters -- so that the long parapgraphs were broken up a bit, it would be a lot easier to read.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]That being said, it isn't a bad piece. It has some good ideas in it. But with the amount that Rachel says, it does get very heavy. So...I don't know. I think this is a great piece idea wise. [/size][/font] [b][font=Verdana][size=1]existentialism[/size][/font][/b] [font=Verdana][size=1][i]n [/i]: a 20th-century philosophical movement; assumes that people are entirely free and thus responsible for what they make of themselves[/size] [/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]I loved the last stanza. I thought it was brilliant, really. It was a great ending, and it really [i]ended[/i] the poem, if you know what I mean. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]I've seen some of your poems before, and quite liked them, really. They're always very nicely written. While I did like this poem, the ending is what stood out for me. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]The imagery of the poem is great; [i]shattered buildings, swallowed the sky, parched eyes, withered lips.[/i] Very nice. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Well done, VR. And welcome back. [/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Oh, very nice indeed! ^_^ If I said anything else, I'd probably be saying what Karma and Mimmi have already said. The edit was a good addition, and I completely agree with it. And, as Karma said, the irony was wonderful. ^_^" The only thing I've noticed really is that in regards to tense, you switched in the last line.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]So well done, Shin. You did good, heh.[/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Faded colours? That is achieved by a colour fader, which you can find [url=http://www.angelfire.com/pokemon2/fader/][color=red]here[/color][/url]. You enter the colours and it will fade it for you. Remember, though, the sig is limited to 500 characters, so the message will need to be short. And UBB code should be used. ^.~[/size][/font]

[color=black][font=Verdana][size=1][Hey Thaylien, and welcome to OB. ^_^" I hope you enjoy posting.][/size][/font][/color] [color=black][font=Verdana][size=1]I'm actually a fanfiction writer in the Harry Potter fandom, and I'm known there by a couple of names, although I'm registered at Fiction Alley [Which is probably -- apart from fanfiction.net, of course -- the most known Harry Potter fanfiction site] as Arnica. [/size][/font][/color] [color=black][font=Verdana][size=1]I prefer Harry Potter fanfiction because there's so much to do with it, in terms of character manipulation. I honestly don't think I would ever touch any other books [I don't watch enough television to write fanfiction for it] in fanfiction terms, because I like them just the way they are. The other reason is that I don't feel I know the books well enough.[/size][/font][/color] [color=black][font=Verdana][size=1]I 'ship' quite a few pairings, predominantly anything with Ginny in it, heh. Lately I've also grown to like the Ron/Hermione relationships, because Ron is such a clueless fool, and Hermione's so shy. It makes for great fluff fics, heh.[/size][/font][/color] [color=black][font=Verdana][size=1]Of course, having said that, I prefer to write angst, usually. I find it very hard to write fluff, because I often scoff at what I write.[/size][/font][/color] [font=Verdana][size=1] [color=black]Isn't everyone's pet peeve Mary Sues? I came across a fic not long ago that involved an incredible self-insertion type fic [Which is how I define Mary Sue. The definition is often very slippery.] where the main character [an Original Character] was so perfect and [i]sweet[/i] [in a bad way, obviously] that I couldn't read more than a chapter.[/color][/size][/font] [color=black][font=Verdana][size=1]I think my other pet peeve is formatting. I know that fanfiction.net can be hard to format, but I find it incredibly hard to read something that is just a huge [i]hunk[/i] of text, with no bold, italics, a header, footer, [i]anything[/i] which sort of just evens it out. I've recently read somewhere that it's also actually a reason for that, scientifically [or is it psychologically?]. The human eye [i]needs[/i] spaces to read, especially on the net, which is why I encourage everyone on this forum to space out their paragraphs, so that it's easier to read.[/size][/font][/color] [color=black][font=Verdana][size=1]I'd like to see a lot more originality in fanfiction. People trying out new things -- not just plot wise, but also style wise. Perhaps doing something with grammar. I recently [Okay, in May last year, and I still haven't finished] started a 5 chapter story where I left out the quotation marks. I think now I'll add them back in when it goes up, but it actually altered my style a lot, because I had to accommodate for the fact that people would find it hard to distinguish between talking and description. It was a nice experiment.[/size][/font][/color] [color=black][font=Verdana][size=1][Just for an interest point, how do you define Mary Sue?][/size][/font][/color]

[font=Verdana][size=1]What I find humerous [apart from the humour in the essay] is that most of the links have now been deleted with the coming of V7. *grins* And the fact that you backed up your claims of Tony's horrible use of evidence with evidence struck me as incredibly funny. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Well done, again, [strike]Dragon Warrior[/strike] Boba. ^_^" Funny and well placed humour, hee. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][b]EDIT -- [/b]*blushes* Whoops! Sorry, Boba. Must've gotten a little mixed up there along the way.[/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=#dc143c][color=black]Oh, lovely poem. Truely fantastic. Marvellous use of vocabulary, rhythm, and rhyme. While your rhyme pattern changed from stanza to stanza [From abab to aabb and back] it wasn't really noticeable, [I myself didn't even notice it until I've gone through the poem again] which I think is because the rhyme is [i]subtle[/i], without obvious rhymes like "bed" and "Ned" [Just to use an example, heh.] [/color][/color][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]The imagery is just gorgeous, in my opinion. You can see the vineyard, with the courtyard in front of it [Of course, it's just my opinion, heh.], the lightening and rain sort of slashing down, and it's just so [i]vivid[/i]. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]The only place you seemed to slip was near the end, where you broke from the 4 line pattern and the length of your sentences became less regulated. The two last lines I had a bit of trouble with, because it took me a while to understand the jist of it -- it was where you started a new line that threw me.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]All in all, I think it's a fantastic poem, and I wish to see more of your works. [/size][/font]