Lady Asphyxia

[size=1]I didn't read much, because I have some stuff to do, but I read [u]Truth At A Glance[/u]. And I'm afraid I didn't like it as much as some of your other poems. It didn't really flow as well as some, and while there was a good rhythm, and feeling to it, it didn't really draw me in as much as some of your others. It could be because there's a more detatched view, or, more probably, because I'm tired. Of everything, I think my favorite part was that last stanza. The feeling really came through there for me, and it was a wonderful, sweet end.[/size]

[size=1]I agree with Sara. I didn't like the way that [u]Lady Knight[/u] ended. I did, however, absolutely [i]love[/i] the [u]Protector of the Small[/u] series. I thought Kel was down to earth in a way that Alanna and Daine weren't. Not that those two weren't down to earth, but Kel was in a different way; largely to do with that fact that she didn't have any magic. And I loved the supporting characters -- they were much more in the picture than some of the other quartets. As for the Circle of Magic and sequels, they didn't appeal to me as much, because they were written for a younger audience. They seemed more juvenile. That's my two cents.[/size]

[size=1]I haven't read the Da Vinci Code, but I've read another book by Dan Brown [The Author], called Digital Fortress. It's a [i]fantastic[/i] book, with so many twists you wouldn't believe how mind boggling it is. I love the book, and reccomend you read it. It the Da Vinci Code's plot as twisting, do you think?[/size]

[size=1]Matt gave the order and they all made it in. Rae kept herself busy with barricading the doors, trying to secure their makeshift hideout. "Matt. You need to make the call to get us out of here. We can't combat stealth in unfamiliar surroundings." Liam's tone was hard. Rae knew exactly why. They couldn't afford to lose any teams members at the moment, which meant everyone had to get there safe. Liam felt responsible for these people; he'd be worrying by now. And he had cause to worry. Matt ignored Liam's order and raised an eyebrow at Rae, Liam and Bradley. "So?" He wanted to know exactly what was happening before he made the call. "Dead. All of them. Taken by surprise, hit from the front. There was no way they could have survived." Liam was trying to deal with it, Rae realised. He'd already started repressing it and was trying to move on. "It was meant for us." Bradley stated. Matt's gaze turned to her. She looked around the group and mentally brought up their files. [i]Why is it, that in a special group of 9 field agents -- including Matt -- none have been specially trained in strategies?[/i] They were all given basic courses, of course, and in the course their missions, they all picked up what was a good move or a bad move, but there were no [i]professional[/i] strategists in the group. She filed the thought away. "Rae?" "I know this is a cliché, but..." she shook her head. "It's too neat. It doesn't make sense. They'd [i]planned[/i] for us to be here, they would have known that there was an SAS group. Why would they take the chance unless they had backup. My first instinct is that it was a hit and run -- they get the ones they wanted and then leave. But Liam [i]saw[/i] the laser sight, which means they're staying here." She looked at Bailey, who's mind seemed to have clicked to what she was getting at. Bailey continued for her. "They'd have known that we would have come in here as soon as we saw something was wrong." Rae nodded. "In my opinion, there's either a back way, or a bomb." Kat interrupted. "I vould not trust a bomb in dis heat." Matt nodded. "Thanks, Rae. Ever so comforting." He stood up, face worried. He couldn't call for a 'copter until they knew there'd be no problem for it getting there -- until the opposition couldn't get to it. "It seems we may have just walked right into a trap. Be alert. We'll need to take them out."[/size]

[size=1]Closed topics are marked with a padlock. If you don't want to waste time reading them, you can simply pass them over. The topics are left there so that members can see what is not allowed.[/size]

[size=1][b]OOC:[/b] Sorry it's taken so long and that it's so short. I'm sort of writing blocked.. Rae sat in the shade of the tree, sighing as the midday heat swealtered the agents. It was hot, so very hot and they were all starting to feel drowsy because of it. Their concentrate would soon start to lax, so they needed to get done and move out quickly. The SAS squad was making their way to secure the next area. It should be done quickly, hopefully, and then they could get out of here. It was possible that Matt would give them some time off after this mission -- he liked to do that a lot, really. She'd just closed her eyes when she heard the gunshots, and the shouts from the SAS troups. They all went running, knowing that the silence now wasn't a good sign. They'd been taken by surprize. They hadn't had time to retaliate. By the sounds of it, the attackers had just performed a hit and run. Take out those they didn't want and left the rest. Rae got there first, and stared at the carnage. Hit and run. They were all dead. She'd been speaking to them barely hours ago, the leader -- who now had a hole in his head -- had been [i]joking[/i] with her. Rae turned and sat in the bushes, certain she'd start throwing up.[/size]

[size=1]I told you I'd post, and I am. So ha! to all those out there who think they can stop me from posting, even when I can barely see because my eyes are so bleary [stupid storm!]. Anyway, Mei, I thought it was a great job. If I still believed in having banners [I don't -- I'm far too lazy to bother, heh.] I'd get you to make me one. The banner is clean and effective. I love the border, and the picture is well chosen. The colour scheme is original, and the text is clear and legible. You'd think that, with the text fitting so perfectly with everything else, you wouldn't be able to see it, but you can, and easily. The avatar is just as good. The pic is once again well chosen, the border is done very well. All around, it's a brilliant job. Well done, Sis. Two very enthusiastic thumbs up from my corner! ^.~[/size]

[size=1]Liam held up his hands in a gesture of submission, then [i]absently[/i] picked at his nails. ?Hey, you know, I actually think this stuff is toughening my nails.? He picked them over, slyly catching a glance at her expression, ?I mean, now I can claw people's eyes out.? ?It is a manicure,? she replied frankly, ?and I wouldn?t expect Zharra to be any less than perfect when it comes to nail care. After all Jaudiar was one of the best.? She inspected her own nails. ?My nails haven?t looked that good since.? She started walking further away from the camp. ?Besides, Liam. If you manage to scrape out of trouble wearing that, chances are it?ll become a ?good luck? fad, and everyone will be wearing them.? She stepped over a fallen tree carefully, using Liam?s shoulder to hoist her up. ?We all know you?re a trendsetter.? She looked around, turning slowly from her vantage point on the log. ?It?s getting dark,? she announced. ?Do you want to head back? It isn?t safe around these areas.? He flicked her a derisive glance. ?That?s why [i]I?m[/i] the one with the gun.? She jump of the log, kicking him -- rather softly, in her opinion -- as she did so. He glowered at her before setting his path back toward camp, glossy pink nails flashing in the sunlight. [b]OOC:[/b] Sorry, Liam. I know I said it?d be longer, but I?m tired and my throat hurts. Luci: Thanks for joining us in the RPG for this long. It?s been a pleasure.[/size]

[size=1]Mmmkay. Sorry about this, but I only really have time to crit one poem, so I'm going to chooose..."I've Lost It." Over all it's a good poem. It might not be hinged this way, but it reminds me of a boxer who has lost the will to fight and is getting pounded. The only thing that disrupts the illusion in my mind is the last line, which, when combined with the lack of structure surrounding it, becomes less effective. Wow, sounds technical, no? Heh. I'll try to put it simpler, since I think I just confused myself. The last line seems to be out of place with the rest of the poem -- a throw in -- something to end the poem with. It doesn't need need it, though. The poem works well. It has a great opening line; the imagery there is just fantastic. I like the line, "I fall back, broken/unable to rise" and the rest of the poem follows suit. Sorry I couldn't go more in depth -- I don't have enough time if I want to finish writing this chapter today. ^.^"[/size]

[SIZE=1]Rae sighed and scratched her neck. It was rather hot today. And she was amazingly tired. The archeological dig seemed to be going very well, what with the artifacts and then reading and the Liam becoming a girl. Wow, was she bored. When the Colombians left, she'd be glad for the time alone because they'd have to hurry, but as it was, she was just wasting time. She wanted to do something. She wanted to go and...well, she had no ideawhat she wanted to do, but there was nothing to do here. Smirking, Rae slipped off the log that she'd been using as a seat and meandered into the bush, toward the tunnels. She wanted to investigate them; see where they lead. She came up behind Liam as he was arguing with Zharra and tapped him on the back. He whirled around and she smiled at him, grinning from ear to ear. "Much as I hate to ask you Pinky Lee, I need to get out of this camp, and I'm damned bored and Callum's off doing something so you wanna go investigate the tunnels with me?" She said it all in one big breath, eyes wide with the question. He looked at her, then back at Zharra, before looking back at her. "Sure," he shrugged. They walked along silently, and Rae was almost gleeful until Liam commented, "You know, I'm not going to let you get away with the Pinky Lee comment." She grinned sheepishly. "I know. But I'm hoping the mission will distract you."[/size]

[size=1][b]SECTION A[/b] In the following section, please answer each statement with one of five answers: A) Strongly Agree B) Agree C) Somewhat Agree D) Disagree E) Strongly Disagree [b]1) I find OtakuBoards rules easy to understand and follow.[/b] A [b]2) I feel that the staff at OtakuBoards understand their job and are capable of performing it appropriately.[/b] A [b]3) OtakuBoards is easy to navigate.[/b] A [b]4) OtakuBoards has a friendly atmosphere.[/b] A [b]SECTION B[/b] Please try to keep your answers relatively short in this section. [b]5) How often do you visit OtakuBoards?[/b] Everyday, when I have access. [b]6) Do you feel that the rules are too strict/not strict enough/fine as they are?[/b] Fine as they are. [b]7) Should we continue to uncensor the creative writing areas on OtakuBoards?[/b] Yes. [b]8) Would you rather a decentralized forum system on OB (more forums, less activity per forum) or a centralized forum system (less forums, more activity per forum)?[/b] Centralized [b]9) Would you like to see a closer integration of myOtaku and OtakuBoards?[/b] Yes, although they should always be sister sites, as opposed to the same site. [b]10) Are you signed up to myOtaku.com?[/b] Yes. [b][strike]11) If you are not signed up to myOtaku.com, do you plan to sign up in the near future?[/strike][/b] [b]12) Do you read Announcements at OtakuBoards?[/b] Yes. I check everyday. Possibly sad, but true. [b]13) Which single Category (Category, as opposed to individual Forum) do you spend most of your time visiting?[/b] [strike]Poetry and Fanfiction.[/strike] Otaku Public. [b]14) Do you think that OtakuBoards should offer an in-built chat system as part of our service? If we included a chat, would you use it?[/b] Personally, I don't think so. I wouldn't use it, and in my experience, chats encourage bad grammar and language which is hard to control. [b]15) If we offered an "OtakuBoards Wireless" service that would be accessible via Internet-capable cellphones, would you use it?[/b] My cellphone isn't Internet-capable, but if I had it, I'd use it. [Unless it cost a lot.] [b]16) When we offer a next generation version of OtakuBoards, should we continue to provide semi-regular community events in our Event Arena or a similar forum?[/b] Yes. I have great fun participating in them. [b]17) If you could add one new Category (Category, not Forum) to OtakuBoards, what would it be?[/b] I don't know. [b]18) If you could remove one Category from OtakuBoards, what would it be?[/b] None. [b]19) If you could add anything to OtakuBoards (in terms of a new forum, a technical tool/feature, etc), what would it be?[/b] The ability to control font colour, size and style from the control panel. [b]20) On a scale of 1-10 (1 being the lowest and 10 being the highest), how would you rate your experience at OtakuBoards since you registered?[/b] 10. Definately. I've had a great time here and have made many friends.[/size]

[size=1]I have a treat for you all. Instead of having to labour through some of [i]my[/i] work, my brother has asked me to post his first ever written [he's been making stories up for years!] story, to get some feedback. Michael [aforementioned brother] is 13, and he wrote this for a school assignment/exam. He's since started to revise it, and add onto it. So please, even if you don't review my stuff, give him some feedback. I'm sure he'd be pleased to get it. ^_^[/size] [b][size=2]FAR FROM HOME[/size][/b] [size=1]Henry stared out over the coastline, thinking about his journey ahead. He remembered all the fun times he had enjoyed. A new chapter is his life has begun. As he went for one final walk before he went back to the house, he took in the atmosphere ? the waves crashing to his left, the city buzzing to his right and the joy of being independent and leaving his home town of Sydney for the unknown adventures of London and the U.K. As Henry arrived home he went straight to his bedroom and thought about what lay ahead- the fun of the Irish Pubs, the history of old London town and the rugged scenery of Scotland. As he ate his tea and went to bed he thought more. That night Henry couldn?t sleep. He was too excited, for tomorrow would be an action packed day. That morning, Henry got up, had breakfast, got dressed, brushed his teeth and packed his toiletries. 5 minutes before he left he made sure he had his passport and wallet with money inside. He hugged his dad, his little brother and his little sister. When he got into the car he realized his dream has been achieved. He was going to Europe. At the airport Henry checking in, then hugged his mum and went down the escalator to customs. He presented his passport, had his cabin bad passed through the x-ray machine then went and sat in the waiting area and read a book. After about 15 minutes his flight was called. He stood up and got his boarding pass then walked onto the plane with as much pride as Buzz Aldrin walking onto a spacecraft. As the plane took off and climbed above the clouds, Henry waved goodbye and cried silently. He looked beside him and saw a quite attractive young lady doing the same. After about 2 hours, Henry went to sleep. When he woke up he was in Singapore. For a moment he thought he was in England but then he remembered the plane had to re-fuel so he went back to sleep. Henry slept for about 3 hours and woke to find they were flying over Pakistan. He kept awake for the rest of the flight and occasionally paid attention to the captain announcing what country they were flying over. When the captain announced they were passing over France, Henry?s nerves set in, for in less then two hours he would be stepping off the plane at Heathrow. With his legs beginning to numb, he decided to go for a walk to the toilet. On his return he found the plane descending and heard the seatbelt sign switch on. Henry opened the window blind and saw London on his right. When the pilot finally announced they would land in 15 minutes Henry froze with excitement. The engines roared, the turbines spun and when the Boeing 747?s wheeled touched and clung to that fine tarmac there at Heathrow Airport, Henry knew the book of his life had just made another chapter.[/size]

[size=1]Darling, believe me, it's nothing personal. Do you have any idea how many people have poems and such to review? It does take me a while to get to everybody's, you see. Besides which, I have my own writing to see to, as well. I'm sorry I haven't replied before now, but I have looked at your poem. I've been meaning to reply, but I keep getting called away. The first stanza is good, although the last line breaks up the rhythm a bit. Perhaps if you changed it to [i]I miss those feelings,/ Once roaming here.[/i], it would make it better. The rhyming in the second stanza seems a little forced: said/dead, especially. And since the first stanza had an abcb pattern, it doesn't really need to rhyme. Maybe you could change it to something like: [i]Words were said/between you and I/have no meaning now/my eyes left to cry.[/i] The first two lines in the third stanza make quite an impact and also explain some of the situation: the character feels responsible for the break up [at least, to my interpretation, it's a break up.] However, I don't like the last line, because it's answered in the first two lines. The last stanza, to me, is perfect. It brings the poem to a conclusion, it sums it up, and the last line is just [i]brilliant[/i]. It's perfect. I love it. I prefer not to rate in the Poetry Fanfiction Lounges, and I prefer that policy not to start. To me, creative writing is far too personal to rate like that. However, you did a very good job. I know I pointed out mainly my criticisms, but that's because your poetry is pretty together already, and you seem to know that. So well done. ^_^ And if you ever have another piece that you want looked at, just PM me with the link and I'll check it out.[/size]

[size=1]She pursed her lips and took in Liam's idiotic grin. She lifted his hand and let it drop. It seemed that, for a while at least, he was totally immobile. Rae's lips twitched as she started to think of ways to use this to her advantage. They broke into a full blown smile as she had an idea. She ran into Kat and Malania's tent, stopping quickly. "Do you have any hair ties...ribbons...make-up...anything?" She asked, grinning maliciously. She had no reason to be angry at Liam, which, considering she wasn't angry at Liam, was convenient. However, she was never one to let a great opportunity to slip her by. She collected the girl's make up and hair ties, wishing they had some ribbons. Perhaps Zharra... She'd get to that later. For now, though, she got to work in front of Liam's limp form. "Perhaps some blusher for his cheeks, and eyeliner...eye shadow," She whispered, grinning. Having finished applying said make-up, Rae then proceeded to do his hair. It wasn't long enough to plait -- much to her dismay -- but it was long enough to clump together in little tufts. She did, using some gel to keep them spiked up. Rae used her romance novel as the finishing touch. She slipped it into his hands, then called over Bradley to get one of the techie's camera. It would be something to remember, at the very least.[/size]

[size=1]Matt left Eve; she seemed to be doing well enough. Besides which, he had to speak to Rae. He found her sitting by herself, reading something which may or may not be a romance novel. He stared suspiciously at the slim bound cover. "Fantasising again?" She glanced up and closed the book, then flashed him the cover. [u]Selected Essays by Edgar Allen Poe[/u]. She smiled snidely and flicked her book open again, slowly flexing her shoulder to test the stitches. "What's up?" She asked, her eyes still scanning the page. "The Columbians are here." Her watched her, wondering if she could really read and carry on a conversation at once. Not many people could. "And you want me to schmooze?" She smiled up at him, grinning from ear to ear. He knew then that she'd been faking. "No. Completely the opposite. I want you to stay as far away from them as possible. We've already had Jenna come back to haunt us, and I'd rather the Columbians not think that we're harbouring a Drug Lord's daughter." Rae nodded, her lips pursed in thought. "How well out of site?" She thought of the tunnels -- there was probably one around here. Even if there wasn't, she could probably return to the SAS core. "I'm not sure yet. Try not to cal attention to yourself. If you feel you need to leave completely, regroup with the SAS and track us down later." "I'll stay here for now. I mean...even if they thought I was Jenna, it isn't true, now, is it? It'll be fine. We'll just use the old saying that 'Everyone has an identical twin somewhere', and I'll act like a ditzy..erm..brunette." She smiled at Matt, opening her book, then slipped of the paper cover. [u]The Millionaire's Mistress[/u] stared back at him. Matt snorted and walked away.[/size]

[size=1]No writing thread will die before I've posted in it, at least while I'm on holidays and at home! And congradulations on the win. Well done. I'm very impressed. It just goes to show you never know unless you try.[/size]

[size=1]You're right that in some places it doesn't string together as well, but all over, it's a pretty solid poem. You've done well. The line [i]Keep me at bay[/i], could prehaps be changed to [i]Keep the cold at bay[/i]. The last stanza seems sort of meldramatic, compared to the rest of the poem, which was sort of resigned and accepting, however, it does bring a good end to the poem. So, over all, well done![/size]

[size=1]No, there's no boycott against your fics, that I know of. However, it's very hard to read fics if they're all clumped together. You should try to put an entire line between paragraphs, and even then, I find it hard if the font is big. And even if no one's posting, please, don't double post. It [i]is[/i] against the rules. Next time no one posts, please, just PM me, and I'll go look at it. It's much easier, and it negates the need to double post. Besides, I'm happy to look at new work. [i]The moon's gentle beams drifted through a window splashing against a boy about sixteen laying in a bed sleeping. [/i]Without a comma here, it reads that the window is splashing against a boy. You probably just forgot the comma, so here's a head's up. [i]The window was open, allowing a small breeze to blow through the window. Dark clouds drifted against the night sky, slowly beginning to cover the moon. Small sounds of distant thunder quaked throughout the city.[/i] I love these lines, especially the last one. The word quaked seems so apt. [i]The boy turned over in his bed, opening his eyes slowly. His hand slid from his side up to his face, rubbing his eyes. Folding the sheets over him and sliding out of bed, he stumbles toward the window.[/i] Do you need to go into that much detail? Could you say instead something like 'He rubs his eyes, then slides out of bed.' Be careful, too, of tense. You're writing in present tense, so be sure that you don't slip out of it to the usual past tense. [i][color=red]Squinting[/color] as he looks up at the sky, the moon had not been covered completely.[/i] This sentence doesn't read very well. Perhaps if you just change it to 'He looks to the sky; the moon had not yet been completely covered.' [i]Sighing as he closed the window, he turned around while scratching his head. "Another storm, great." He grumbled as he went to lay in bed once again.[/i] The dialogue is good. It gives a background, tell us that the storm isn't unusual. However, you go into too much detail again. Most writers say the number one rule is [i]Show, not tell.[/i] You can leave out some information. For instance, the reader doesn't need to be told that he turned around. I'm not going to go through the rest bit by bit and pick it apart, because it doesn't need to be. It's a good story, and you only really make two mistakes; the tense changes at times, and sometimes you give too much information. Just remember: [i]He walked towards the door, got to the doorframe, went through the door, and went into the kitchen[/i] can be described as easily as [i]He entered the kitchen[/i]. This is a very good story, and I like it. You should continue. But next time, please, leave a line between paragraphs. Unfortunately, there is no tab indents on OB, so we need to see something to space them out. ^_^ Well done. Cheers. Asphy.[/size]

[size=1]Okay, well, first of all, there are a [i]lot[/i] of spelling mistakes. I'm not sure if you ran this through spell-check or not, but this is basically the version of it spelt correctly, if you want it: [i]When you die and you?re young a spirit will play and keep you company you can accept or reject her playful stance until you see but if you?re restless and seeking revenge She'll throw her fiery black chains around you and drag you in to the pits of hell and there you will burn in the smouldering heat The dance of the flames will spark and crackle as you sadly watch when you learn your lesson it will be to late she won?t want to play or smile but only feel bad she couldn?t save you you can feel the flames upon your broken soul and wish you'd learn things that are now out of your reach can she save me would she save me think this as the flames get higher and higher you finally realize she wont now you learn the sad yet lively dance of the flickers down there you shall stay for the rest of your days.[/i] It's a good poem, although there are a few lines that don't really need to be there. The one that sticks out to me is the line [i]until you see[/i]. To me, it doesn't make sense. Until you see what? It just...doesn't really fit to me. The line [i]if you?re restless and seeking revenge[/i] is probably one of my favorites in this poem, because it flows so well. It's got a great rhythm. This is actually a very good poem, with a great idea behind it and it's carried out very well. The only thing I can think of it perhaps you should include a full stop at the end of a thought; to enhance the pause. So well done. ^_^[/size]

[size=1]I think, Leh, that what I love about your poetry is that it's always so clean. It's neat; there's a set rhythym and rhyme. And it looks neat -- some poems jump from one line to the next; the first line can be two words, and the second goes to the end of the page. I think that maybe you lose it a bit in the last stanza -- it isn't as strong as the rest of the poem. The poem is strong and sweet, and leaves a lovely taste in your mouth after reading it. I love this poem, Leh, and the sentiment behind it. Well done. Hrm...perhaps I could have your permission to print it out and put it on my wall, Zach?[/size]

[size=1]I like this poem, although there are a couple of lines that aren't as smooth as your normal work. In the first stanza, I have to say that I [i]love[/i] that last line: [i]the master attacks its disciple[/i], although, perhaps you could change [i]its[/i] to [i]the[/i]. Just a suggestion; it's fine as it is. Actually, the first stanza as a whole is really quite brilliant. I like the perception line; it's rather insightful. I'm not sure about the second stanza. The second and last lines seem to break the flow a little bit...perhaps you could break it into another line? Possibly you could cut out the [i]my most intimate of parts[/i] section. I do like the last two lines, though. The third stanza is quite good; the line that jumps out at my is [i]the mirror of myself inside my head[/i]. I think that's a brilliant description. In the fourth stanza, perhaps you should emphasise I in [i]I won't let me[/i], with italics, maybe? Just to draw more into the fact that there are two people inside the mind. The last line brings a strong conclusion. Well done, once again. ^.^[/size]

[size=1]Rae winced, shuddering at the pain. "Couldn't you have cleared me in a less painful way? Please? I mean...what did I ever do to you? "No, don't answer that. There's probably something there that I don't know about." Zharra grinned. Rae cowered and moved over to the corner. "Um, Rae, darling, unless you want an infection, I'm going to have to bandage that up." Rae started sidling to the door. "That's okay. I can deal with that. Infections are fine, and you know, they're not as bad as they're made out to..." "If you get an infection, then you'll have to come [i]back[/i] here and get the infection treated. We don't have time to help you nicely, so you'll be treated with mother's fire -- which is about a hundred times as painful as what I just did." Rae looked hunted, staring around at the group of observers, her escape route rapidly dwindling. Sighing, she relented. "Okay, patch me up." "It's just a bandaging. How bad can it be?" Rae asked. Seconds later, Rae found out. Zharra had to cleanse to wound. Rae could have cried.[/size]

[size=1]Yes, it does get rather annoying when no one posts in your thread. Most of us have had that happen to us before, so we can sympathise. However, it [i]is[/i] against the rules, so next time nobody replies, just PM me and I'll post. I'll be happy to -- I love seeing what people are doing with Poetry and stories. I myself could never write poetry, so I have a great appreciation for anyone who can. I think the favorite poem for me was [u]The Test[/u]. I thought that it was wonderful. To me it's the representation of college applications to music -- many of my friends have had to go through it. [Although, I'm only in Year 10/11 -- It's Summer holidays at the moment.] What I love about your poem is the honesty. Some people do poems where there's a meaning underneath -- often a dark meaning in the guise of something smooth and sophisticated. I like those poems, but it's really refreshing when I see someone who just says what's happening. The first poem was wonderful. I really liked the [i]She...has...a..boyfriend[/i], as if you're reminding yourself constantly. Well done. You have real talent. Please, continue. .:Asphy:.[/size]

[size=1]Rubbing the back of her neck, Rae sighed and closed her eyes, leaning against the tree behind her. The bark cut into her bare shoulders -- she'd taken her camouflage shirt off, leaving her Singlet top and the bandage -- but she'd learnt not to pay attention to the minor details like that. She was warm -- not too warm -- and comfortable; relatively so, at least. Soon she'd be fed, and then after that, she could sleep. It was simple. Easy as pie. Then why were her nerves strung so tightly? Stupid question. She knew why. She just wasn't willing to admit it, even to herself. The mission had gone wrong from the first. It didn't bode well, at all. In fact, it boded very badly. Perhaps it was just paranoia, but something that started badly could never end well. And then there was the team. They were all qualified, sure. And they were all capable of the mission, Rae knew. That wasn't where her reservations lay. It was in that fact that, in a group of [i]eight[/i] there were sects! Sure, in a mission, it was natural for an agent to have an affinity with another agent, over someone else. However, when you were friends to the exclusion of other people, it meant excluding part of the team. It weakened the team, and that was never a good thing. But how to change that? Kat and Malania, at least, would never voluntarily be partnered with someone else. Rae herself was happy to be partnered with anyone -- although she preferred Liam, because she'd known him for so long, and they hadn't worked together on the same mission in about two years. As for the others -- she wasn't sure. But she needed to do something. Otherwise...actually, Rae preferred not to think about otherwise. She just knew it'd be bad. Eve wandered over to Rae -- probably under orders to mingle from Matt; he did that to any newcomers to the group. Rae looked her up and down, noticing the slightly tender way that Eve walked. An old -- or [i]new[/i] -- injury, perhaps? Her brown-red hair was cut short -- about chin length -- and seemed to flick out naturally. She had a straight nose; it obviously hadn't been broken. That in itself had screamed inexperience, although wasn't necessarily true. Most girls seemed to escape from a broken nose, for some reason. Possibly because they weren't as often in hand to hand combat. Men seemed to rush in a jump onto the enemy, then proceed to beat them to a pulp. Girls seemed to be quite happy to shoot said enemy from a mile off. "Hey," smiled Rae. "I haven't spoken to you yet, have I?" "No, you were too busy getting your ass kicked." Rae sat up quickly, ever ready to defend her reputation, when she realised that Eve was joking. She grinned and poked her tongue out, then looked to her bandaged shoulder. "I did, didn't I? It's not exactly my fault, though. The past came back to bite me in the ass." Rae rubbed her eyes, then noticed Matt waving to her. "Sorry," she said to Eve, not looking at her, "family calls." It didn't occur to her how odd that could seem, because when she looked at Eve, her face was drawn. "Yeah, what do you want?" She slapped him gently, then winced, hearing her fingers crack. "The SAS guys just reported to me via radio. It seems one of our agents has a bug planted on them; you're the most logical person." Rae swore. "How much do you think they've gotten?" "Not a lot. There was an outgoing file just before the guy was killed. I think there might have been just enough to 'prove' that you were Jehane." "How does that work?" "Well, from the times I've been given, the SAS killed the man just after your conversation with Liam -- the soft drink one." "And..?" "Well," he hesitated, then grinned slightly. "If you take it that you [i]are[/i] Jehane -- knowing what a bloodthirsty bitch she is -- and that you 'ordered' the guards to 'take care of him', then complained of getting sticky stuff all over you...it could be construed." Rae nodded, absently rubbing her temples. "Okay, yeah. It could." "We need you to find the bug, even if it is disabled. It can always be re-enabled by another party. Do you want some help?" "No, I'll be fine." She headed off to her tent, already letting down her hair. Rae wandered out about half an hour later, wearing a puzzled frown. She headed over to Matt. "I've doubled checked everything Matt -- it wasn't there. Perhaps it was on Liam?" "It could be, but...was there any time when that was possible?" She thought back to the scene. "No, there wasn't." Rae frowned, trying to remember. A metaphorical light bulb went off in her head. "It's in the bandage." She groaned. "Better yet, it's probably in the wound." Rae called out to Zharra. "Hey! I need your help. There's a bug in my shoulder!"[/size]

[size=1]Perhaps it's just because you meant ion the word, but this piece reminds me of the book, Road To Terabithia. It's about these two kids -- a girl and a guy -- who use the wood land to escape from school and the family. Although, the writing doesn't really resemble it, just the situation. To me, this piece is more...whimsical? Magical? The description makes the piece more serene, I suppose. I love the first paragraph. It really brings out the surroundings, and sets the time, as well. The reader could almost paint the scene from the description present, which is a really wonderful thing. You know I love your work, Charlie. Well done, yet again.[/size]