Lady Asphyxia

[size=1] Well, I could say, "What with 'all my other commitments' I know how to schedule my time properly." I don't, but that isn't the point. This is sort of like a resume, only, you don't need to worry about working properly. ...Or getting payed. Anyway, I certainly haven't had the experience of some people; I started writing in my seventh year of school, which would have made me 12. I did write a story on frogs in Year Two, which was apparently very good for my age. It consisted of "Frogs are green and they jump. They are slimy. Sometimes they are read. They croak." Or something along those lines. I was very impressed with myself, and the story was hanging on my refrigerator up until Grade Three, when I made a simply [i]wonderful[/i] drawing. In Year Seven, I started writing a story, which, before I got sick of it, became about 18,000 words. The quality was very poor, thankfully, and if it hadn't been I wouldn't have learnt so much about knowing what [i]I[/i] like to read, rather than what I'm [i]supposed[/i] to like to read. I realised that, while I do like Fantasy stories, I simply can't read them often because I get bored. I moved on to Fanfiction stories at fanfiction.net, and, after I couldn't tolerate the layout anymore, I started writing original works. Entered a few competitions -- okay, one -- and I find myself back here time and time again with work. Otakuboards tends to give me the feedback I like, and helps me improve my writing. One of the first original pieces I wrote, and one I constantly come back to, is Perfection. It was really just an account of a real life experience, and to me it seems to be the piece I keep trying to top but always seem to fall short of. While frustrating, it also gives me something to aim for, which I find I really need. Personally, I find writing like this really hard, and in no way do I seem to be jumping up and shouting "Pick me!" Most likely a pitfall, but embellishing myself is really hard for me. Probably why I haven't yet got a job. [/size]

[size=1]No, it's a religion. Just like Christianity, and Buddism, and whatever other religions you can think of. Yes, it is 'some kinda witch craft religion' and usually, when people talk about Witches as a religion, then they're generally talking about Wiccans. Wiccans believe they can influence the things around them, usually in small ways. They accept nature and its beauty. It's just another religion, is all.[/size]

[size=1]...His last name is Mitchell. Where the hell did Davidson come from? O.o;; There isn't any particular style to it thankfully. Although, I [i]could[/i] probably write 7 haikus that link to one another. :evil grin:[/size]

[size=1]Actually, Cloricus, I believe they were started because they became too big to be considered sparring. "If you wanted, Harlequin, an RPG, then that's what you should have made." Personally, I don't mind it that much. It isn't affecting me, and it isn't insulting anybody.[/size]

[size=1]Okay, see what you can do with this. [img]http://otakuboards.com/attachment.php?s=&postid=390066[/img][/size]

[size=1]Just something that can appear, I assume. That's how it comes across. Mnemolth, I still believe that you've done this to spite me. :p [/size]

[color=purple][size=1]Legal drinking age is 18. He's probably a closet alcaholic, aren't you? ^.~ Happy Birthday James. Happy Birthday Adam. Happy Birthday Mei. [I think her birthday was about the day after or something, but I know it was recently, so I'm thinking to add her here.] Happy Birthday [Insert Your Name Here, When It Is Actually Your Birthday.][/color][/size]

[color=purple][size=1][b]Oh my god; I've just realised that's the same stuff we made in science the other day.[/color][/size][/b]

[color=purple][size=1][b]And, just like that, all the animal rights activists exploded in a fit of indignation.[/color][/size][/b]

[size=1]This piece is an assignment for school. It's [i]very[/i] rough, and I was wondering if my wonderful people out there could help me improve it. ^.~[/SIZE] [center][size=3][b]LITERARY WRITING[/B][/SIZE][/center] [size=1]Write an extra chapter or two additional short chapters for the novel [u]The Pigman[/u]. [list][*] Use some of the existing characters. [*] You may add one or two of the new characters if you wish. [*] Try to write in the 'style' and 'voice' of the author. [*] Use the setting and circumstances of the novel. [*] Include some descriptions and dialogue. [*] Try to use an extensive, varied, and appropriate vocabulary. [/list] [b]Length:[/b] 400-500 words. [center]______[/center] [You need at least these quotes to be able to understand the significance.] [quote]The room was dark because it's two windows were covered with faded paper shades. It was a real dump except for the table and shelves at the far end of it. The table had pigs all over it. And the shelves had pigs all over it. There were pigs all over the palce. It was ridiculous. I never saw so many pigs. I don't mean the live kind; these were phony pigs. There were glass pigs and clay pigs and marble pigs. "My wife collects pigs. I got her started on it when I gave her one to remind her of me - before we got married." "Oh?" "This one," he said, lifting a large white pig with an ugly smile on its face "this one was the first one I got her. She thought it was very funny. Pig. [i]Pig[/i]nati. Do you get it? "Yes, Mr Pignati. We get it."[/quote] [center]______[/center] What John said ? about me wanting him to tell his feelings all the time ? it isn?t true. I know how private he is, and I don?t really mind that much anymore. Besides, it seems that this epic was good for us anyway. We went to the Pigman?s funeral. John lied again and said that we were related to the Pigman, but we didn?t know when the funeral was. He?s the best liar in the world. This lady took pity and told us. I don?t know who organized it. I hope it wasn?t some state worker or something, but John says that?s what happens when no one comes forward to claim the person. I didn?t believe it, but he quoted this article on it. So now I think I?d just rather not believe it. Besides, like I said before, he?s the best liar in the world. There was one Lady there; she had dark hair and funny glasses, and she didn?t speak once. I reckon that it?s the Pigman?s sister?s daughter?s cousin?s niece or something. They look sort of a like, but not enough to be properly related ? not like a sister. It?s really sad that she?s the only relative he?s got left. Anyone else who came sat there for a while and then ate at this buffet thing they had at the back. I?d have called them scungers to their face, but there was this one man who walked in wearing baggy clothes, and he was so obviously freezing. He walked up to the casket and stood there for a minute. When he turned away, I could tell he was about to cry. It?s really touching that someone off the street would cry for an old man who had no one. John and I went, and stood in the back. It was hard to have a ?back?, with so few people there, but we stood and watched for a while. It was so sad, and I missed a lot because all my attention went to stopping myself from crying. It feels really bad when you?re stopping yourself from crying ? it gives you a headache and your eyes sting and your nose itches. The Pigman was buried next to his Conchetta. I was so happy they ended up together in the end. There was this green mat that lowered the casket into the ground. The rest of the people at the funeral had nicked of ? The Crying Man included ? so it was just John, Me, and the Silent Lady. When the Silent Lady threw a flower on top of the casket. In hindsight, I think I should have thrown one too; the priest wouldn?t be wandering if I should go to the loony bin, if I had. I threw him a tiny, pink pig figurine. [/size]

[color=purple][size=1]Heh. DA, it isn't just that. It needs a possessive apostrophe there.[/color][/size]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by vicky [/i] [B] You must be a top writer to spot my mistake. [/B][/QUOTE] [color=purple][size=1]Actually, I'm not. A lot of people can find mistakes easily, especially spelling and grammar mistakes. All you need to do is pay attention in class. I could list on my fingers and toes about 15 people who I know personally whom I consider better writers than I. I'm no where near the top. Spell-check should work, though. Why don't you have time to check the story? Just typing it into word should work quite well, and the red lines are where there are mistakes. I do hope I'm not sounding nit-picky; I'm just trying to help.[/color][/size]

[size=1][color=660066]Heh. Well, Charles decided to make me a banner using my oft repeated phrase "Bwarble". [Better yet, it has pink and purple ^.^] [img]http://otakuboards.com/attachment.php?s=&postid=387239[/img] Thoughts? [i]Edit-[/i] Mine too. Been changed. [/size][/color]

[color=darkred][size=1]Erm. Most people do. It's called worrying, and it's natural. Heh. Just one question, did you forget your bag?[/color][/size]

[color=darkred][size=1]I think, on the whole, this piece captures the mind of the man very well. In some parts, it gets repeditive; [i]And I do want to slap her. I do want to see her bleed. When that tear rolls down that late evening in our packed trailer, I do want to slap her. I want to see her bleed.[/i] But, in an odd way, it adds to the thought process. The opening line is brilliant. It lulls you into false impressions that the guy is the one who's hard done by. Then youget this awakening, and you're like "Whoa..." I like that you finished where you did. Any further, and you'd 'squick' the reader. As it is, it stops where it seems to have the greatest impact. Your mind continues down the path, then shies backwards.[/color][/size]

[img]http://otakuboards.com/attachment.php?s=&postid=386673[/img] [color=darkred][size=1][b]We'll see how well he lands on his feet [i]this[/i] time...[/b][/size][/color]

[color=darkred][size=1]What? Trusted a person spontaneously? :p Sure we have. Just because you gave away five dollars -- that probably was put to good use [can't buy much for five dollars] -- doesn't mean you're stupid, and you shouldn't be embarrassed. Ish a good deed. And, should you want to be all jaded, next time someone asks, write down their name and start a Tab. ^.~[/color][/size]

[color=darkred][size=1]Really? I always considered it easier to use the sounds, and harder to look at the person. Although, I have a habit of zoning out my eyes so I don't really see what's happening on the gameboy, so that's probably why.[/color][/size]

[color=darkred][size=1]Aw, well, you know how these people are. If it isn't Digimon, it isn't going to be viewed. Us "Original" writers need to stick together. You an' me, kid, yeah, we'll go far. ^.~ [/color][/size]

[color=darkred][size=1]Okay. Well. First of all; spelling, punctuation, grammar. Work on them. For instance:[/color][/size] I'm [color=red]R[/color]ad. I have a story or tale [color=red][Or tale? You're telling it! Decide!][/color] about a creature called [color=red]T[/color]he [color=red]H[/color]olwer, that you should know to [color=red]prepare[/color] you for the horrible terror! Well, listen hard! [color=red]'Cause[/color] this tale will be told only once.. On earth [color=red]there[/color] was a [color=red]legend[/color] that [color=red]everyone[/color] feared. The [color=red]legend[/color] says that [color=red][Actually, it would be better put The legend says this: "Blah blah blah."][/color] years ago there was a powerful demon called [color=red]T[/color]he [color=red]H[/color]owler, that killed [color=red]everyone[/color] in his path. But one day[color=red],[/color] a champion arose from [color=red]T[/color]he [color=red]T[/color]emple [color=red][I'm assuming that it's the name of the place, seeing as you always refer to it as "The Temple"][/color] and [color=red]k[/color]illed the demon in [color=red]T[/color]he [color=red]T[/color]emple [color=red]where[/color] he came from [color=red][Where [i]who[/i] came from?][/color] . But [color=red][Not even going to bother. You already know it should be "The Howler" -.-][/color] the howler sour[color=red][Sour? Saw? Said?][/color] [color=darkred][size=1]You should see the formatting. Please, [i]please[/i] use [i]something[/i] to check the spelling, and pucntuation! You need to be able to spell and punctuate, and grammar would help. For goodness sake.[/color][/size]

[color=darkred][size=1]Aw, he took the words right out of my mouth. >.< I love the repetition of the "I hate you." It brings a quiet emphasis, but it also provides an insight. Ooh... *shivers in delight* I love this. ^_^[/color][/size]

[color=darkred][size=1]I'm reluctant to say something when this story obviously means a lot to you, but you need to work on your grammar. 'lucky' should be 'Lucky'. 'luckys' should be 'Lucky's', and so on. There is a lot of possibilities in this story. You could have the entire death scene drawn out, with flashbacks of the better times. But as it is, it needs work. Grief is really hard, and losing a pet you've had for a long time is so difficult. I'm sorry for your loss.[/size][/color]

[color=darkred][size=1]I just had a thought. If we wrote a story together, would you be able to tell the difference between us? :p Oh, Sara, it's wonderful. It's quiet, and lovely, and it has the sweetest feel to it. It's so peacful; like a little light in this great big darkness, but it makes all the difference. It's so pretty.[/color][/size]

[color=darkred][size=1]I don't know anything about Yu-Gi-Oh!, so don't shoot me if I get some things wrong. I'm looking at this from a purely writing view. [/color][/size] [quote][i]Originally posted by Egypt Girl[/i] [u]The Puzzle[/u] All of us know the story of Yugi Motou, his Millennium Puzzle, the crazy adventures, and helping an Egyptian Pharaoh save the world, right? Well, how much do we people know about the day Yugi got the Millennium Puzzle and solved it? Not very much...until now.[/quote] [color=darkred][size=1]Well, this paragraph is out of place, because you've taken on the role of author -- speaking as Author. Really, it would be better to have this paragraph in your 'introduction' [for lack of a better word -- I don't know what to call it]. This would leave room to use "Grandpa! I'm home!" as your opening sentence.[/color][/size] [quote]"Grandpa! I'm home!" [color=red]Yugi[/color] said entering the door. His grandpa was standing on a stool stacking video games on a shelf. "Oh good," He said relieved. "Finally someone caqn help me restock these shelves." "It's a good thing I don't have homework today then, huh?" [color=red]Yugi[/color] replied picking up some boxes. "I going to go take a break," [color=red]Yugi[/color]'s grandpa yawned. "Lifting boxes all day sure gets tiring after a while. Come get me if you need anything." "Okay," [color=red]Yugi[/color] picked up a misplaced box on the top shelf and turned around on the stool to see where it went. He found the spot on the opposite wall and moved over to it. [color=red]Yugi[/color] set the box in its proper place and turned back around.[/quote] [color=darkred][size=1]The opening line of dialogue is great -- often, dialogue can seduce the reader into going on with the story. There are to many 'Yugi's in the story. It gets repeditive. Try to use different ways to describe him. "The boy" "The..." whatever. [/color][/size] [quote]He was about to go grab more boxes, but something stopped him. For some reason he wanted to turn around and do...something. [color=red]Yugi[/color] turned around and looked behind the box to see what was bugging him. He pulled the box out. Nothing. He still held it in the air. Something was there, drawing him towards it. Curiosity took over and he pulled out two more boxes and set them on a separate shelf.[/quote] [color=darkred][size=1]You need a better reason than "He wanted to turn around and do...something". Make Yugi turn around and knock the boxes over, perhaps, revealing the puzzle.[/color][/size] [quote]Behind the three boxes was yet another box, except it was gold and about the size of a small shoe box. It had weird designs on it like the symbol of an eye on the front. [color=red]Yugi[/color] stared at the box for a while, (Staring Contest! Guess who wins ) then picked it up. [color=red]Yugi[/color] put the game boxes back where they belonged and climbed down the stool with the gold box in hand. It was oddly warm, for such a cold day.[/quote] [color=darkred][size=1]The last line was brilliant. It immidiately tells you there is something wierd about the box, and you can almost see the puzzled expression on Yugi's face.[/color][/size] [quote][color=red]Yugi[/color] walked to the house part of the gameshop to ask his grandpa what the box was. His grandpa was in the hallway getting some extra blankets out of a closet. "Hey, Grandpa. What's this weird box?" [color=red]Yugi[/color] asked. "Well, what do you know," his grandpa said chuckling. "I was wondering how long it would take one of us to find that thing. It's an Ancient Egyptian puzzle. ("Yes! A puzzle!" Yugi thought.) I found it on an archeological dig." "Has anyone ever solved the puzzle?" [color=red]Yugi[/color] questioned. "Not yet," he replied. "But maybe you can solve it. You must have solved some 500 jigsaw puzzles so far. And who knows, maybe that puzzle will turn out to be more than it seems." "Maybe."[/quote] [color=darkred][size=1]Does his grandfather have a name? Maybe you should make one up. As it is, the grandfather isn't a person on his own, he's an extension of Yugi. [/color][/size]

[color=darkred][size=1]The people of this forum are slack, I'm sad to say, but I [i]love[/i] this poem. It's sweet, and simply put, which in turn brings out the lovely emotions in this piece.[/color][/size]