Lady Asphyxia

[color=darkred]What? Agreeing with me is scary? ^.^ And, Baryan, you know you can call me Rae...its so much easier to a) spell, and easier for me to read![/color]

[color=darkred]The rhyme scheme seems rather dodgy. For the first 10 lines its a basic a b pattern, and then it changes, which seems almost sloppy. If you're going to establish a rhyme scheme, don't change it. I don't like the ending. It seems stupid. And I think you tried to force the R.S. back into place when you used dier. Was it instead of die, or a word I've never come across? Either way, it seems odd.[/color]

[color=darkred]OOC: Crossbow:35GP Crossbow Bolts(x3): 3GP Scimitar: 15GP Longbow: 75GP Longbow Arrows(x3):3GP Leather Studded Armour: 25GP Amount Left: 84GP _______ [i]Her hands were burning, Rae decided, glaring at them. They were going to burn right off her wrists, like acid. But still she trudged on, mindful of her instructions to go to the High Temple of Heironius, apparently to save the world. What a laugh. The world as she knew it didn't need saving, it needed to be wiped out. However, until such time as someone decided to do that, she was saving the world from theives and murderers. Well, actually, she wasn't. [/i]She[i] was a thief, so it was more a situation of saving the world from great evil. Rae knocked on the door with her burnt hands, and it slid open a crack, to reveal a Priest. [/i]"Yes?" [i]came the muttered question. [/i] "I'm here to see the High Priest." "You need a password." [i]Smiling, she muttered the password, and was let in. The place was dark, gloomy, and natural light seemed to be a commodity. The air was filled with inscense and purfumes, so intense it could make you faint, but, oddly enough, Rae's hands had stopped burning. It must have been the sunlight, she decided absently. She was led to a room with three occupants, one of which still had his hood up. Taking no notice of the High Priest, Raellyra seated herself against the corner, staring out to all occupants of the room.[/i] "Welcome. We shall await the arrival of the others, then I can begin."[/color]

[color=darkred]If you guys didn't know, this has started. ^.^[/color]

[color=darkred]Is it possible that you posted in the Newbie Forum at all? A lot of people lost posts from there, but if you go "Search for all posts by this user" or whatever it is, it'll come up with the number of things you've posted, even if its not counted in the posts under your name or in your Profile. [/color]

[color=darkred]Oh, oh Char, let me guess...[b]Hugo[/b] :p[/color]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Mnemolth [/i] [B]Ahhh I see milady...*smiles and bows*... I was wondering why you hated me so.... ;) [/B][/QUOTE] [color=darkred]...Yes, Mnemolth, I absolutely [i]loathe[/i] you with every fibre of my being. Happy now? :rolleyes: :p [/color]

[color=darkred]Erm...are we talking to me? If I gave you the wrong impression, sorry, but I'm not pining away for my lost love or anything like that. ^.^" When I start to like someone I tend to crush (pun unintended)it pretty quickly. I don't like liking people. No idea why. But thank you for your advice. ^.^[/color]

[color=darkred]Fair enough. I do that occasionally, but not often. Poems don't agree with me.[/color]

[color=darkred]She dropped the whip still in her hand, letting it clatter to the ground alongside the pistol, and she shuddered slightly. Once again, malicious pleasure had been evident in Pizaro?s tone when he spoke, and, whereas she?d thought of him as a gentle man before, now she could only see the gashes in Liam?s back when she looked at Pizaro. Eating had never been so hard, even hours after the event. ?Papa,? she asked hesitantly, ?do you mind if I go and see the prisoner?? A shadow clouded his face. ?Why? He?s unconscious, will be for hours, I expect.? A smirk formed her lips, and complete coldness in her eyes reassured Pizaro. ?I find I?ve developed an?obsession with him.? ?Oh?? His inquiring voice obviously held repressed amusement. ?Yes. I hate him.? Rae studied Pizaro, really looking at him. His dark hair wasn?t receding, although there was some grey in there, mainly at the temples. In a tuxedo, he?d be very fashionable indeed. His face had few wrinkles, and only a slight narrowness of the mouth showed the cruelty in him. Did she now have that narrowness? Shaking her head, Rae decided she was paranoid, and left quietly to go and see Liam. He was lying face down; it was obviously too painful to for him to be lying on his back. She winced, hoping he was all right, besides the whipping. There was a sound behind her; deliberate, and she spun around and came face to face with Jaudiar. ?Is he all right?? Jaudiar?s face closed over, and she sat down beside Liam, placing wet strips of cloth on his back. ?He?s alive.? ?I?I had to. I didn?t?? ?I know. So what actually happened? Liam hasn?t been able to tell me anything. He?s either been unconscious or incoherent.? ?The Cat-o-nine. He?d have been able to survive so amny more lashes, but I didn?t want to do that to him. I couldn?t let him go until he was unconscious. So I poured a mix of Vinegar, dilute hydrochloric acid, and citric acid on his wounds.? Jaudiar?s only reaction was a wince. She opened her mouth to say more, when Liam groaned and muttered to her. ?It?s almost funny, you know,? Jaudiar remarked. ?The great and might Liam Cameron, so lethal he?s tracked by whomever can do it without dying, falling to temporary insanity and torture at the hands of women.? ?It isn?t funny. I?m the one hurting him. Jenna likes blood. I get the feeling if she couldn?t hurt other people, she?d hurt herself?and that she has. That?s why they haven?t worried about the scars on my wrists.? ?Ahh?well. It?ll be over soon enough.? Liam groaned again, and flung himself onto his back, screamed and started to cry, turning himself over again. Almost crying herself, Rae dropped to her knees, staring at the mess she?d made with his back. She wasn?t a praying girl, didn?t even believe in god, and yet, she begged silently, [I]God forgive me for my sins.[/I] ?Liam,? she whispered, raising herself to sit on the edge of the bed. Liam was held in luxury, albeit Sparse luxury. Liam opened his eyes, staring blearily at the face above him. Anger flashed in his eyes when he recognised her, but was quickly replaced with hate, and then cold aloofness. Rae saw it, and drew back. ?Never mind. But?be warned for tomorrow. It?ll be hard. No matter how I try to make it stop. I have to be Jenna. I?m so sorry, Liam.? [/color]

[color=darkred]Ah, yes. I thought they black die thing was about one of you two as well...Speaking of, I haven't seen the Harlequin with black hair, and I assume you two did, seeing as you went to the dinner. How does it look?[/color]

[color=darkred]That's great. The second line though, "flow blood". Use a different word. Viens always flow blood. Maybe... "When I watch, I feel My veins begin to flow hate Watching flames engulf..." Or something. Like I said before, it's all really, really good.[/color]

[color=darkred]*scratches her head* Well, I'm signed in now, so it must be something on your end. Sorry I can't help more...[/color]

[color=darkred]Well, this is (despite what I said about not touching it again) a companion piece to Perfection. However, whereas Perfection was a true story, this one is completely fiction. I wanted to see if I could take my life, and turn it into someone else's life. To be honest, I'm a little disappointed. But have your say... [size=1]I turned around slowly, after watching the graves of my family for long hours. Careful not to startle the nervous man my brother had become, I studied him silently. His blonde brow was tainted with sweat, eyes worrying about whatever mistake he?d made this time. ?This is the last time,? were my only words. He nodded silently. Both of us knew the lie by now. We both knew that we?d return next year at five p.m. on the 29th of March, and that we?d both stay until the late hours of the night. However, neither of us wanted, nor needed, to recognise the lie. And, to be honest, lying to ourselves was natural by now. We lied to everyone. Friends, family. Especially family. They were big on lying. There was no love in our family. No pride, no affection, no respect. Only one thing kept our family from falling apart. Tradition. It was tradition that we gathered into our little groups every Christmas. Tradition that we sat talking, as if we were all perfectly normal, when none of us really were. We all understood that my branch of the family were incomplete. However, tradition dictated that it wasn?t mentioned. So we pretended to eat our Christmas dinners, ignoring the tense silence that bounced off the walls around us. Another long-standing custom was the repressment of emotions. There was no crying allowed in my family, no weakness to be shown to the elders of our group. And so, it was tradition for my family to cry themselves to sleep, their faces red, eyes blotchy, stomachs retching up the food they hadn?t eaten, all in an effort to be silent as they poured out their misery wave by wave. The year passed quickly, of course, as they do, and once again, I found myself standing at the graves of my family. Father, Mother, Sister. Crash, Fire, Suicide. This ritual was one I knew well. First we?d greet each other, embracing awkwardly. Then we?d converse about the children, or lack thereof, on my part. Finally, I?d sit down in the cane wicker chair, and start talking about whatever I thought of, trying to begin the healing therapy I always used. And I had always used it. After the first death, I?d speak about things my younger brother couldn?t remember, to make him cry instead of fight. I did that now, telling him about the way Mum used to do her hair, or how Dad used to smell. And I?d bring out the little bottle of after-shave, and splash some on the graves. He?d pull out the flowers growing in our old back yard, and throw those down. It continued, the sweet torture of memories long forgotten, until one, or both of us, broke down. That was when we finished, bowing our head silently, letting our thoughts drift away. And then we?d lift our heads, and I?d proclaim, ?This is the last time,? and I?d climb into my car and drive off, content that, for a while, at least, my misery would stay at bay. [/size][/color]

[color=darkred]MK, the flow is really good. I can imagine it as a song, but for the second last stanza. It seemed to break the flow a bit. Otherwise, good going![/color]

[color=darkred]I meant like cutting, as in, you know, a cutter. Cutting your wrists to watch it bleed, not to commit suicide...I think you might have meant that, though... Besides, I think its done well if someone can draw their own meaning from something that is still pretty close to the actual meaning... I'm not too sure of the last stanza, though. Its seems...I'm not sure. Ugh. How eloquent of me. Cna someone help me with the word I'm looking for? [/color]

[color=darkred]Heh, the poem also lends itself to cutting. However, did you need the trail offs? I like them, too...but they aren't needed every line. It's well done. Congradulations.[/color]

[color=darkred]I don't. I sit there totally lost in my nothingness (which usually involves eating, sleeping, and drinking, and friends), and if I get the faintest glimps that someone likes me, I decide that they don't, and I'm just imagining it. Which is usually true, and they usually end up liking one of my friends.[/color]

[color=darkred]I snort a lot. I'm not sure why, but I do. Most food in NZ is good. And cheap. i remember getting a two scoop icecream for a dollar fiddy. ($1.50) But maybe that's changed? So, anyway, that's my holiday. I think Mum was thinking about sending me down to my Grandma (in Tamworth) after Christmas, but I usually like to spend [i]some[/i] time at home. [/color]

[color=darkred]...hehe, I got that. Thank you. *blushes* I feel all special now. ...hey, there are easter eggs at the back of my fridge...Purple and Blue ones. Must go, Eppsy. [/color]

[color=darkred]-.- Of course, you had to ask that, didn't you? Yeah, there are. Or there were last time I was there. As for meeting stars of LOTR, I highly doubt they'd come to Makatu, Te Puke, which is at the bottom of the North Island. However, if I happen to meet them on some off chance, I will, of course, give you photos. *snort* Hmm...It's not foggy where I'm going...did your dad happen to go during winter, pray tell? ^.^"[/color]

[color=darkred]*sobs* You don't want me there? Fine, fine...*runs off crying* [Name]Tootsie Tentonchiagglegsipadyglthinerson [What you look like]A girl. With a red dress. And pigtail plaits. (Which [i]isn't[/i] a braid, T.U.N. [Age]I'm going to go with...6 [What type of towel you carry]An orange one, with purple polka dots shaped like monkeys. [Bio]Not much happened yet. She's six. All she knows is that lollies are better than money; you can eat them...[/color]

[color=darkred]Yeah, I am going to New Zealand. It's really nice there; I go every two years or so, and spend it with my family. It's great during christmas, becuase [i]everyone[/i] comes to my grandparents houses, and there are about 20 - 30 of us, so there are tons of presents under the Christmas tree...and they're within walking distance of two beaches... bliss. ^.^ [/color]

[color=darkred]Rae felt the energy surge into her mind again, and she squeezed her eyes shut, hoping it would go away. Then Seth began rocking her again. She felt him whisper something into her hair, but couldn't hear it, even mentally. The buzzing was still there, despite its gradual receeding. She could feel Seth pick her up, the rocking motions of his steps soothing her, and she calmed enough to hear what was happening. He was talking to her, whispering about how she needed to fight the pain and hurt, how Siren need her help. Slowly, she began to defeat the monster in the conscious part of her mind. She blinked, and stared at Seth. He felt the change in her immediately. "Are you all right?" "Fine. How's everyone else?" "They're good. But I think that Siren might need your help." "Why?" "She's going crazy." "Oh. Okay." Sighing, she closed her eyes, letting herself drift back to sleep in the quiet recesses of her mind. [/color]

[color=darkred]...Are you fishing for compliments? I enjoyed it. I really liked the second stanza, and I highly doubt the mitch is bullshitting you. Well done, EM. I don't have any CC for you...[/color]