Lady Asphyxia

[font=Arial][size=2][color=Green]If you want another Pokemon RPG, why don't you come up with an original pokemon RPG idea and start one yourself? Easiest way to bring them about, in my opinion. And it's always fun devising new plot twists and new angles on things -- you can let your creativity run free with it. [Just don't forget your ratings. :p] [/color][/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=1][color=green]Okay. Welcome to Otakuboards. Before you post again, I really suggest that you read the [/color][/size][/font][url="http://www.otakuboards.com/rules.php?"][b][font=Arial][size=1][color=green]Rules[/color][/size][/font][/b][/url][font=Arial][size=1][color=green]. If you don't read the rules, you may be breaking one without realising it. For instance, it is against Otakuboard's rules to double post. In fact, repeated double posting can lead to a ban.[/color][/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=1][color=green]Also, try to be more coherant in future. Post quality is very important at Otakuboards. I'd say that the reason you had no replies was because no one understood what you were talking about. [/color][/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=1][color=green][/color][/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=1][color=green]If you need more advice, feel free to PM me and I'll give you what help I can.[/color][/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=1][color=green][/color][/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=1][color=green]Thread Closed.[/color][/size][/font]

[size=1][color=green]Favourites threads are not allowed on Otakuboards. This thread is just skirting that line. I'm going to leave it open for now, but you need to make sure that any comment you make in here has [i]full[/i] justification of [i]why[/i] you like something -- or the thread will be closed. [/color][/size]

[font=Arial][size=2]A couple of things. First, I suggest you read Otakuboard's [/size][/font][url="http://otakuboards.com/rules.php?"][b][font=Arial][size=2]Rules[/size][/font][/b][/url][size=2][font=Arial] and[/font][/size][url="http://otakuboards.com/faq.php?"][b][font=Arial][size=2]FAQ[/size][/font][/b][/url][font=Arial][size=2], as well as the [/size][/font][url="http://otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=44317"][b][font=Arial][size=2]Adventure Square Basics[/size][/font][/b][/url][font=Arial][size=2]. All of these things will help you settle into life at OB. For example, if you want to join an RPG, you need a sign-up thread, as well as a basic story and plot idea. You also need a rating. In addition to that, double posting is not allowed on Otakuboards, nor are one liners. [/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2][/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]Because of all these things, I am closing this thread. [/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2][/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]Thread Closed.[/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]Um, I don't really think I need to justify this, but I will anyway. [/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2][/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]Basically, this thread is spam. It has no point and no discussion purpose. At Otakuboards, we don't allow spam. [/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2][/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]Thread Closed.[/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]Welcome to OB Anthology, Solayo. Before posting again, I strongly suggest that you read OB Anthology's [/size][/font][url="http://otakuboards.com/rules.php?#spam"][b][font=Arial][size=2]rules[/size][/font][/b][/url][font=Arial][size=2], a very important document that will keep posters out of trouble. For example, in the rules, it details Otakuboard's position on double posting. Basically, double posting is not allowed. If you want to add more to the original message, or another chapter, just hit the [i]edit[/i] button on the right hand corner. ^.~[/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2][/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]If you double post again, I'll be forced to close this thread.[/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]I think it depends on what sort of thing you're going for. Personally, the idea of acting out Hamlet would be cool, although I think a Midsummer Night's Dream would be the most fun of all of them, because it's a big cast, it has fairies, etc., and it's just a fun play with crude humour and sophisticated things --- [/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2][/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]If you do happen to create a Shakespearean RPG, you can count me in. Sounds like a great idea.[/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]Vlade_Rayne, you have already been warned not to double post, and yet you have done it anyway. I strongly suggest that you read the [/size][/font][url="http://www.otakuboards.com/rules.php?"][font=Arial][size=2]rules[/size][/font][/url][font=Arial][size=2] and the [/size][/font][url="http://www.otakuboards.com/faq.php?"][font=Arial][size=2]FAQ[/size][/font][/url][font=Arial][size=2] before posting again. Double, triple and quadruple posting is not allowed, and if you persist it is a bannable offense. Instead of double posting, when you want to add something new, hit the 'edit' button on your original post. [/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2][/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]Since you've already been warned not to double post, I'm going to close this thread.[/size] [/font] [font=Arial][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]Thread Closed.[/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]I seriously suggest that you read the thread titled "[url="http://www.otakuboards.com/forumdisplay.php?f=48"][b]Read This First! Adventure Square Basics![/b][/url]". Inside contains information on the Adventure Square, including the Ratings Guide. The Rating's System is currently in place at Otakuboards, and any thread that has creative content -- such as this one -- must be rated for maturity. Any thread that is not rated will be closed. [/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2][/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]The good news is that you can recreate this thread with the appropriate rating. [/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2][/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]Thread Closed.[/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]I'm going to close this because from what I can see, it has absolutely no relevance to any sort of Role Play Game, or any sign up.[/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2][/size][/font][font=Arial][size=2][/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]Thread Closed.[/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1]There was one thing to be said about this so called 'Larce'; Bon Bon didn't like him. Partly it was to do with the fact that he was not their first choice. Captain Levack had been a joint recommendation -- the team had worked with him before and he was both a good man and a good leader. Bon bon in particular had worked with him several times -- it was through The Joker and his' input that she'd gotten her call sign. That the higher ups had ignored their recommendation disturbed her a little; that this 'Larce' knew about it disturbed her more; that he didn't seem to care made her suspicious of him.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]But, too, there was the fact that he described himself as 'less military'. A civilian could never know what it was like to shoot a gun at the enemy, to know that life and death was in your hands -- to know the adrenaline of the shot. They wouldn't know the skills required or the training snipers went through to get there. And because of that, he would never be able to understand her fully. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]And so immediately a distance was formed. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]She looked around at her other teammates. Boom was sitting very, very still, her face closed and icy. Bon bon could tell that she was antsy -- the heads ignoring their recommendation would have thrown her. Boom's main safety blanket in life was control. Lynch was his usual self. Fleish -- Fleish would immediately know her concerns. He'd probably already figured them out himself. An veteran in the game, he knew how hard it would be if this...[i]pen pusher [/i]was going to take them.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]The silence had gone on for distinctly longer than comfortable. Bon bon didn't break it. Instead, she looked at the mission brief, scanning it quickly, then paused. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Why was her part so minimal?[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]The answer was obvious. Fucking desk-ies, always underestimating the need for firearm. They thought that talking could even things out, that peace and love were the name of the game... [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Peace and love were for politician's speeches. In the real world, it was something different. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Anger now hardening her face, she looked up at 'Larce'. Would she be doing [i]anything[/i] on this mission?[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Somewhere in the rational part of her mind, she was vaugely surprised at his age, but she immediately wrote that off as being irrelevant. So he was a little older -- he was obviously naive. How did he become a handler, being so young, anyway? She was a rarity, true, but she had a long history and good reasons for being here.[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Him? He was green. Young -- probably about two or three years older than her, tops. And inexperienced. A pen pusher. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]How had a pen pusher who was barely older than her become a case handler? [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]All of a sudden Bon bon deeply wished to be back in her fatigues. At twenty three, she had spent more of her life in cargoes than out of them and wearing civilian clothes -- even jeans and a shirt -- made her uncomfortable. She needed the feeling of familiarty that came with her uniform, especially when there were so many unanswered questions about this new mission. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]She waited for this 'Larce' to speak. She wondered if he'd read a book on teamwork and would try to hold a teambuilding session. She probably laugh herself silly if he did. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Whatever he did, however, one thing was for sure. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]She didn't like him, and she didn't trust him.[/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]Ooo, ooo, ooooOOOO, yes, YAY! [i]Dead Like Me[/i] was my [b]obsession show[/b] for a long time. It was the show I was like, "Back off, the TV is MINE!" whenever it was on, and I was sad to hear that there would be no more seasons of it. But apparently that was incorrect, so all is good now! I loved the dark humour and although the plot was non-existant [does anyone else think that the only real plot was in George's family and the rest was like a sideline: stuff happened but nothing ever went anywhere -- and does anyone else think that that was deliberate to make a point?] the premise was fun and spiffy. I really loved it. [/size][/font]

[size=2]I really do not want an arguement about the merits of Harry Potter in this thread. If you want to have a nicely thought out [i]debate[/i], then feel free to create a thread -- or you can simply read the [url="http://otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=48352"][b]old thread[/b][/url][Keep in mind that it contains unmarked spoilers for the 6th book, however.]. [/size] [size=2][/size] [size=2]To [b]Bloodlust[/b] and [b]Crazy Mew[/b], please don't simply post two lines. Expand what you're going to say; if you liked a book, say why. If you can't expand it, add another book you like. One or two lines of text is pretty much considered spam -- if it happens again I'll simply delete it. [/size] [size=2][/size] [size=2][/size] [size=2][/size] [size=2]I have a couple of old favourites which I'm kind of pining for now that I have no access to them.[/size] [size=2][/size] [size=2]One of these is the Dark Jewels trilogy by Anne Bishop. It contains the three novels [i]Daughter of the Blood, Heir to the Shadows [/i]and [i]Queen of the Darkness[/i]. It's a fantastic read for fantasy addicts, and it's actually quite..dark, would be the only way to describe it. [/size] [size=2][/size] [size=2]Another would be [i]Ender's Game[/i], by Orson Scott Card, though I've only read it once. It's so powerful and the world they live in is so cool. It's an adult's book aimed at a non-adult audience, I think. It has the real consquences of what those kids go through, but it also has a happy ending, so it's a good novel all around.[/size] [size=2][/size] [size=2]I've read [i]1984[/i] and I liked it simply for the thoroughness of the world. It's a really fantastic book and very quotable if you ever do an assignment on privacy at school [as I found out when I did it.][/size] [size=2][/size] [size=2]And finally, although I haven't read it, I'm really interested in reading anything by Gregory Maguire. He wrote [i]Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister[/i] and it seems like an interesting twist on the old fairytales, so I really want to read that. [/size] [size=2][/size] [size=2]Another [i]fantastic[/i] book was [i]Enchantment, [/i]also by Orson Scott Card -- I loved it. It was another twist on the fairytales -- this time sleeping beauty -- and it goes into Russian history and fairytales and so many good things. It's a fantastic book and I'd really recommend it. [/size]

[font=Arial][size=2]Ah, finally an OB-fanfic-thing that fully includes the most glorious, wonderful character of all -- me, of course! :rolleyes: And a truely [i]marvelous[/i] representation of my amazing self it was. [/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]All arrogance aside, I really got the Shakespearean influence -- and recognised it. One monologue in particular reminded me of [i]Hamlet[/i], so I'm very impressed with this. I think that's what has impressed me most with this -- while you have the interaction between the characters, there's also that bit of talking to the audience that Shakespeare is always tinged with. For instance, in Heaven's Cloud's "Leave them to it" monologue, he's talking to Alan etc. but you can [i]imagine[/i] him saying it in front of an audience and warning the audience of the consequence --- and in front of the audience is the way Shakespeare should be. [/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2][/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]So yes, I'm very pleased with this. You've done a fantastic job.[/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]Welcome to OB Anthology! Before you begin posting, I highly suggest that you read the [/size][/font][url="http://otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=44313"][b][font=Arial][size=2]OB Anthology Basics[/size][/font][/b][/url][font=Arial][size=2], as well as the[/size][/font][url="http://otakuboards.com/rules.php?"][size=2][font=Arial][b] Rules[/b] [/font][/size][/url][font=Arial][size=2]and the [/size][/font][url="http://otakuboards.com/faq.php?"][b][font=Arial][size=2]FAQ.[/size][/font][/b][/url][font=Arial][size=2] They deliver very important information -- such as that about the Ratings System, for example. Every thread in OB Anthology [i]must[/i] be rated according to it's maturity: whether it has violence or language, for example. Any thread that is not rated will be closed. [/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2][/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]The good news is that you can recreate this thread with the appropriate rating so that you can get feedback on your piece. [/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2][/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]Thread Closed.[/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2][b][url="http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=51780"]Incomming[/url][/b]: Because it's one of the most entertaining Introduction threads I've ever seen. Kudos to the man who made it. [b] Nomad Tical:[/b] Like other people, I see fit to nominate him. He is one of the most dedicated people at OB Anthology, and he always tries to encourage and give some sort of feedback to every author. Every time I see "Last post: Nomad Tical" I'm filled with hope that he might start a trend. [b] SYF:[/b] Because I've been involved in the last two, I can't not nominate them. They're fantastic RPG's and I've always enjoyed them so much. [b] Everyone Who Doesn't Hate OB:[/b] Because I feel less gauche when you guys are around. Trying to be 'cool' is tiring -- I'd rather just enjoy myself with the memberbase. ^_^ And that's it because my battery is out. Kiss kiss. [/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]If you're looking for a good Lupin avatar, I suggest you go to [b][color=Magenta][url="http://blotts.org/coi/"]The Chamber of Icons[/url][/color][/b] and have a look around and see what suits your taste. I'm not sure if they have any pictures of Lupin himself, but they do have some good pictures of werewolf Lupin and so on.[/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]Um, I hope this is okay. I wasn't sure if that's what you want or if you want something different. If you don't like it, feel free to give me more detail on what you'd like me to do. ^-^"[/size][/font] [img]http://otakuboards.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=25136&stc=1[/img]

[font=Arial][size=2][b][1][/b] Pick a Band or Artist: [b]End of Fashion [/b][b] [2][/b] Are you male or female:[color=SandyBrown] She's Love[/color] [b][3] [/b]Describe yourself: [color=SeaGreen]Rough Diamonds[/color] [b] [4] [/b]How do some people feel about you: [color=DarkOrchid]Too Careful[/color] [b] [5][/b] Desscribe your ex boyfriend/girlfriend:[/size][/font][font=Arial][size=2][color=MediumTurquoise][/color][/size][/font][font=Arial] [/font][font=Arial][size=2][color=Red]Lock Up Your Daughters[/color][/size][/font][font=Arial][size=2] [b] [6] [/b]Describe your current boyfriend/girlfriend: [color=Blue]O Yeah[/color] [b] [7][/b] Describe where you want to be:[color=YellowGreen] [/color][/size][/font][font=Arial][size=2][color=YellowGreen][/color][/size][/font][font=Arial][size=2][color=YellowGreen]In Denial[/color] [b] [8][/b] Describe how you love: [color=Plum]The Game[/color] [b] [9][/b] What would you ask if you had just one wish: [color=MediumTurquoise]Be Like That[/color] [b] [10][/b] Share a few words of wisdom: [color=Teal]Seize The Day[/color] [b][11][/b] Now say goodbye:[color=SlateGray] Anymore[/color][/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]Welcome to OB Anthology. Before posting in this forum, I strongly suggest that you read the stickies up the top of the forum [also read the [b][url="http://otakuboards.com/rules.php?"]Rules[/url][/b] and [b][url="http://otakuboards.com/faq.php?"]FAQ[/url][/b] if you haven't already done so.]. The stickies detail important information for posting in this forum, such as the Ratings system. Every thread in OB Anthology must be rated according to maturity. Any thread that is not rated will be closed. To learn more about the Ratings system, check out the [b][url="http://otakuboards.com/forumdisplay.php?f=87"]OB Anthology Basics[/url][/b]. The good news is, however, that you can recreate this thread with the appropriate rating. Thread Closed.[/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2][b][1] They -- Jem:[/b] Actually the only Jem song I own and I got it off a friend for Christmas. I really love it. [b] [2] Cemetery -- Silverchair:[/b] From their best of album. Not one of my favourite Silverchair songs, but I think almost all of their songs are really good. It's nice and rock-y with a little anger and angst: some nice and bitter songs for bad days and some sweet [but still angsty!] songs for better days. [b] [3] Dig Ophelia -- Rasputina:[/b] One of my favourite songs from Thanks for the Ether. It's probably just under [i]Why Don't You Do Right[/i] and [i]Any Old Actress[/i]. Rasputina is probably one of my favourite bands, because the rich sound of the cello merged with the electric guitars are so lovely, although Thanks for the Ether is less electric. [b] [4] Thank Your Life -- Powderfinger:[/b] I like Powderfinger, although I found that Vulture Street was a little too much of the same for my taste. It didn't hold my interest for very long, although the songs on their own are fun to listen to, and they're generally quite upbeat and positive; nice to listen to when you're writing something. [b][5] I Didn't Steal Your Boyfriend -- Ashlee Simpson:[/b] The only Ashlee Simpson song I own. It's a fantastic song -- it's on my collection of [i]Obnoxious and Inspiring Songs [/i][compiled by my friend as a Christmas present.] It's just one of those songs that are so fun to listen to when you're sitting in the car speeding down the highway. It's fun, upbeat, and most definately a guilty pleasure. [And for fun pop songs, it's up there with the infamous [i]My Humps[/i]] [b][6] Rocking The Suburbs -- Ben Folds:[/b] I hate this song. I think my brother put it on my computer, lol. It just annoys me. [b][7] Radio Friendly Unit Shifter -- Nirvana:[/b] Not a fan of this song. I don't think I've listened to it all the way through yet...it's just not my favourite song from Nirvana [what can I say? I like the cult classic songs.] and so I tend to skip it. [b] [8] Here With Me -- Dido: [/b]What can I say? I have two Dido albums on my computer, and I probably know the words to both of them. Dido is good when I'm writing angst or even something sweet. It's very versatile and soft, and -- ooo, I have an idea for a story. Enough said. [img]http://otakuboards.com/images/smilies/wink.gif[/img] [b][9] The Last Day I Was Happy -- Scarling:[/b] I adore the descendant of Jack Off Jill, although I don't listen to them very often. I love the heavy music and dark lyrics combined with Jessicka's voice, and the way she can make it sound both innocent and evil and serious. [b][10] Bang Bang [My Baby Shot Me Down] -- Nancy Sinatra:[/b] Kill Bill! Actually one of the only songs on the Kill Bill album I listen to, and, again, it's very good for the angst. Can you tell I like writing angst? [Funny thing -- the next song after this was Beethoven's Symphony No. 9...I think that's one of the sample songs, lol.][/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]Lady Asphyxia entered the small group of people, looking around at the group of onlookers and admirers. She sees Charles, leaning on a closed door, a smug look on his face. Suspiciously, she walks up to him. "[color=SeaGreen]Charles, are you harassing newbies again?[/color]" All seventy-two inches of Charles seem to wilt, and he looks away, guilt written all over his face. "[color=Red]Nooooo...[/color]" Reluctantly, he steps aside. She unlocks the door and sees Jinn, looking a little worse for wear. She pulls him out from his corner. "[color=SeaGreen]We're not all so bad[/color]." Jinn whimpers, and Lady A shoots Charlie a look. "[color=SeaGreen]Now look what you've done. You've scarred the newbie.[/color]" With a brilliant smile, she launched into a pleasant -- albeit obviously rehearsed -- speech. "[color=SeaGreen]Welcome to Otakuboards. I'll be your moderator for this thread. Before you begin your journey, there are a couple of safety instructions you should be aware of. Please read the [b][url="http://otakuboards.com/rules.php?"]Rules[/url][/b] and the [b][url="http://otakuboards.com/faq.php?"]Frequently Asked Questions[/url][/b]. If you have a question that hasn't been answered by those two threads, feel free to PM a staff member or to post in the [b][url="http://otakuboards.com/forumdisplay.php?f=58"]Suggestions and Feedback forum.[/url][/b] If you post in a specific forum, please read the specific forum rules, such as the [b][url="http://otakuboards.com/forumdisplay.php?f=58"]OB Anthology Basics[/url][/b] and [b][url="http://otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=48241"]Constructive Criticism[/url][/b] thread. The staff are here today to make your ride as enjoyable as possible, and we recommend that you just throw yourself into the discussions -- after reading the safety instructions first, of course. Exits can be found by clicking the logout sign, or simply typing in your favourite other URL. We hope your enjoy your stay.[/color]" Lady Asphyxia gave him a brilliant smile, took him gently by the arm and gestured to the others.[/size][/font][font=Arial][size=2] "[color=SeaGreen]Unfortunately, we don't allow introduction threads, however entertaining they are. But like I said, feel free to enter the discussion or PM the staff members if you have any questions.[/color]" [/size][/font][font=Arial][size=2] When they had all exited the thread, she closed the door gently and locked it. [b][The End.][/b] [/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]My problem is that once I've gotten to that stage, I look over the PM while considering if I want a read-receipt, and then I find something to change, so I try to get out of it, but hitting the little x just says no to the receipt...so it sends anyway. [/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]Haha. [size=1] [color=Silver] ...Is it a bad example if that's all I write? [color=Black][size=2]I really can only sit back and marvel. Although I understood all the puns, if it had been me, I wouldn't have thought of any of them. As Baron said, it's amazing that you two could do it for so long. *is awed* [/size][/color] [/color][/size][/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]Perhaps it's just my tiredness or the worrying thought that I may have accidentally consumed some ant-killing pesticide, but I found that this was actually really hard to get into. Because this is so long, but without some sort of stanza structure, I get lost in the middle and I just sort of zone out. I had to read this twice, because the first time I finished the poem and thought, "What did I just read?" I'd really suggest thinking about stanzas in future; not only can they break the poem up so that it looks more poem-like, but it also gives you the opportunity to have not one but [i]several[/i] last-line-like punches -- you can have a last-line-punch at the end of each stanza. When I look at this again, I feel like I'm lacking the substance here. If I look at the title, [i]Confession of Transformation[/i], and read the poem, then I can see that it's about a person who used to be like the nameless [i]Them[/i] and learnt better and now is who she/he wants to be -- -- but then the last couple of lines just confuse everything for me. [/size][/font][font=Arial] [i][size=2] And when I am ready to die I know my true self shall be waiting for me. [/size][/i][/font][size=2][font=Arial]The strength of the poem -- of surviving and changes yourself and realising your wrongs and being better for it and hitting rock bottom and clawing out of it -- just disappears in those lines for me. It's almost like you lost your focus. Are you writing that you've been through this and got better, or that teen-angst "I'll be better when I die" sort of thing? That said, there is some good imagery here, and some really good lines. [i]A joker in a poker game of denial[/i] is one of my favourites, although where you've put it in the poem makes me think you didn't really realise what you were saying. While it sounds good, there's a lot more too it than that. Think about it: The character is a joker, which is cool for the imagery... but then there are no jokers used in poker. So that would say that the character is on the outside, different, not like anyone else. They aren't involved in the 'poker game' of denial. They've broken free. Fantastic metaphor. Another really fantastic line is "staring at myself through an empty vodka bottle". The imagery is fantastic, and the line and rhythm just [i]work[/i]. A lot of the time your rhythm's a little out. It just isn't quite there. Changing a couple of words here and there -- "I needn't be a lie" instead of "I need not become a lie" will help the rhythm in the first part, for instance. There is one thing I'm really not fond of: [i] Falling down into the bottemless pits of despair I finally hit the bottem [/i]Ignoring the fact that you spelt bottom incorrectly [[img]http://otakuboards.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif[/img]], I don't like the idea of someone reaching the bottom of a bottomless pit. I think it's a little to meoldramatic, and the repetition of bottom isn't very inspiring, either. Even changing it to "Falling down the pits of despair/I finally hit the bottom" gives it a better rhythm and gets rid of the bottomless pit idea, which wasn't really necessary anyway. And if you change small things to keep the rhythm tighter, the poem will benefit from it. "Unravelling her spiral of thoughts" can become "Unravelling her spiral thoughts", with very little deviation in impression. And a lot of the smaller words or uncontracted words make it feel a little formal, which may be what you-re going for --- just make sure that the beat and rhythm of the poem doesn't suffer for it. Formality is all good and well, and can be very effective...as long as the rest of the poem will work with it. [/font][/size]