Lady Asphyxia

Again, this thread is closed for reasons I've explained in your Lost in Love thread. ^-^" Thread Closed.

For a more in depth explanation, please see your Lost in Love thread. ^.^ Thread Closed.

[font=Arial][size=2]I think that you should read the OB Anthology Basics, as it details the Ratings System. Put simply, every thread in OB Anthology must be rated according to maturity -- and any thread that is not rated will be closed. Quite obviously, you haven't read that thread, so I'll be closing this thread and the ones that follow it. [/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2][/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]However, you can feel free to recreate this thread with the appropriate rating. Since you seem to have quite a few threads, if many of them are similar -- poems, short stories, and so on -- then I would suggest creating an Anthology of your poems, rather than create a new thread each time and clutter up the forum. [/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2][/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]Thread Closed.[/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]Welcome to OB Anthology. I strongly suggest that, before you post in any forum at OB, you check out the stickies at the top of the forum. For instance, OB Anthology has both the OB Anthology Basics and the Constructive Criticism thread, both of which are required reading. For example, in the OB Anthology thread, it details the [i]Ratings System[/i]. Every thread in OB Anthology must be rated according to maturity. And any thread not rated must be closed. For example, this one. [/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]The good news, however, is that it also says that you can recreate this thread with the appropriate rating, although I do recommend that you check out the OB Anthology Basics before posting again. You can find it at the top of the OB Anthology Forum. ^.~[/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2][/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]Thread Closed.[/size][/font]

[size=2][font=Arial]Oh my god, Harley, what happened to the idea of "Short and sweet"? Man, I want a shot of backstory, not twelve vodka bottles worth. [img]http://otakuboards.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif[/img] This is going to be short, what with the going to Sydney tomorrow. [b]Name:[/b] Madelyne [b]Callsign:[/b] Bon Bon [b]Age:[/b] 23 [b]Team Position:[/b] Sniper and communications officer. [b]Bio:[/b] Bon Bon is the youngest in the team -- by far --, and thus considered the 'baby' of the group. This is enhanced by her position as sniper -- while the others are inside in the thick of things, she is protected outside, safe and sound. Relatively speaking, of course. The entire team is close -- very much so. None of them alienate themselves. They enjoy each other's company, and time and familiarity have created a bond between them. Maddie [or Madelyn, depending on which member of the team is speaking to her] is very much treated like a younger sibling, and she loves the comradery. Her parents were members of the defence force and she was sent to a Military School at a young age. In that school, she showed an impressive aptitude and was accelerated into an ?Extension Program? ? thus the reason why she is involved in the RRR so young. [b][Backstory][/b] [i](Just a little something to show me you writing talent, and to show that your character is a fully functioning little individual. ^_^] [/i] *has no time but points to SYF?* I did actually have something planned for this section, but I?ll fill it in when I get back. Cheers. [/font] [/size]

[font=Arial][size=2]Burner Man, I suggest that before you post in the forums at OB, you read the rules and [i]also[/i] the stickies at the top each forum. They contain very important information about posting at OB. For instance, the stickie called "OB Anthology Basics -- Read Before Posting" contains information about the OB Anthology Ratings -- which are mandatory. In fact, any thread that is not rated for maturity is closed. Such as this one. On top of that, sexyfairy_34 and KikiKitoru, your posts were spam. I strongly suggest you two [i]also[/i] read the OB Anthology Basics, and Constructive Criticism thread. Constructive Criticism is essential in this forum, and anything that does not add to the discussion [in this case, CC] is considered spam, just like any other forum at OB. Instead of saying you like something, tell us [i]why[/i]. Explain it. Thread closed. [/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]And also there's the fact that with the pretty little asterix in place, the words don't necessarily have to [i]be[/i] swear words. For instance, if someone curses at me for something, I can choose to believe that ***** is actually "honey", "sugar" or even a friendly "Asphy", while **** you could be "love you" or "kiss you" or "hugs you" -- -- it makes the world much more pleasant. Regarding the rating, I think they aren't there so much as to stop younger people from going into it as to advise of content. So the M rating is saying, "Yes, this [i]is[/i] M, it [i]is[/i] for mature audiences, so be aware." I think it's up to the discretion of the members if they then want to be involved or not. I know that I was involved in violent RPGs at 15, and if someone had told me not to, I would have said, "Love you" and gone to another forum. [img]http://otakuboards.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif[/img] [/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]*grins* Looks like I haven't been promoting my area properly. Yeah, OB Anthology is the place to post fanfiction, just don't forget to read the OB Anthology Basics [and remember to rate your thread!]. ^.~ [/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]narutosgirl04, I [i]strongly [/i]recommend that you read the [b][url="http://otakuboards.com/rules.php?"]Rules[/url][/b], the [b][url="http://otakuboards.com/faq.php?"]FAQ[/url][/b] and the [b][url="http://otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=44313"]OB Anthology Basics[/url][/b]. There are a couple of important things in them that you have missed: 1) [b]Double posting[/b]: It is again Otakuboard's rules to double post. Not only did you double post, you triple posted. If you want to add something to your original post, just hit the 'edit' button. 2) [b]Post quality: [/b]Just make sure that you keep up with punctuation and spelling. Put it through a spell checker before you post it on here. People have to be able to read it, especially if you want to be able to reply. [By the way, 'acknoladged' is spelt 'acknowledged' [img]http://otakuboards.com/images/smilies/wink.gif[/img]] 3) [b]The rating of threads: [/b]Every thread in OB Anthology [i]must[/i] be rated for maturity. Any thread that is not rated will be closed. However, the good news is that you can recreate this thread with the appropriate rating -- as long as you make sure your post quality is up to scratch and that you don't double post again. Thread Closed.[/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]First of all, you need to go and read the [u][url="http://otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=44313"]OB Anthology Basics[/url][/u]. It details the rules for OB Anthology, particularly the one about [i]rating[/i] a thread. Every thread in OB Anthology [b]must[/b] be rated for maturity. Any thread that is not rated will be closed. That said, on to the review! Considering you're new at this, it's not a bad effort. Just a couple of things: [/size][/font] [quote] "Mom i have to take off my jacket" I am new at this so bare with me and tell me what i do wrong so here it is.[/quote] [font=Arial][size=2]An accidental copy and paste, I think? The other thing is that you have lots of dialogue -- but not much description. There's a basic rule that every writer I've met preaches: [i]Show, not tell.[/i] Instead of [i]telling[/i] us that the boy has been waking up every night, show us. You could say something like: [i]Mokou woke up, sweat drenching his face. He could swear that he'd heard screams, but now that he was awake, there was silence. He checked the time; 2am. Still hours till dawn. [/i]Then you can go on to describe his realisation that he has blood all over his arms. ^_^ It's very easy to include more description. If you mention his Mum, tell us something about her appearance or personality; [i]Mokou's mother was a kind and interesting woman. She had many tales from when she was younger, and all of them involved some sort of mischeif. [/i]Or something like that. Is his mother nice, mean, short, tall, fat, skinny, quiet, loud? These sort of things are very helpful to our impression of them. If you mention the doctor, describe them; male, female? What are they wearing? When you mention Mokou's shirt, you can talk about what colour it is. The only other thing is basic punctuation. You just need to pay more attention to closing inverted commas, etc, in order to make it easier to read. ^_^ But otherwise, it's a good effort and I with practice I'm sure you'll get better and better and better. [/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]Not a bad effort. While you do have a couple of plot twists, you need to draw them out a little longer; make more of a thing of Zakanaru's death and the relief everyone feels, so that when we go to him sitting in a tree, it's a sinister and shocking thing. I think focusing on feelings could help your story, too. You have a lot of of your character's thoughts in there, which is good, but his feelings -- relief when his attacker dies, confusion about his friends and the fact that they are friends; that sort of thing needs to come through as well. Your description is quite well laced into your story. It never becomes an overload of information, which is a good thing. ^_^ The only thing I'm going to pick on is the description of the 'blonde-headed woman'. I think that could have been cut down to something like '[i]A blonde answered the door, her green eyes glimmering in the morning sunshine.' [/i]If someone's a blonde, we know you're talking about their head, and by including the pronoun 'her' you give us her gender anyway, so it makes it easier for the reader to be [i]shown[/i] who the person is, not [i]told. [/i]Personally, I'm against giving ratings for writing, because I don't think that's fair. Everyone has different styles and different subjects, and giving ratings mean that a person can be discouraged just because someone doesn't like the style. So I'm not going to rate your work, but I think you did a good job and even though the chapters were quite short -- and you could probably draw those out, it was a fun and easy read.Good job. [/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]No. I'm sorry, but having people complain about what was cut out of the book and how it isn't 'true' to the novels really shi-- erm, gets my goat. The first two Harry Potter movies were what I would term 'pale imitations' of the book. They stuck so close to the novel that it was just a boring old rehash. It was stale and it was dull. There was none of the magic I expected to see in the HP movies. The third movie kind of realised that the movie had to be a movie in and of itself -- it couldn't just be the book in visual form. And so they cut and pasted. It wasn't perfect -- and more than one person I know who hasn't read the book didn't really understand it --, -- and the crying scene was crap --, but I think it was better. This movie, though... [spoiler][i][b]WOW. [/b][/i]I loved it. I loved the fact that this movie was a movie. You didn't just have to read the book in order to see the movie. The Quidditch World Cup was fantastic, and the 'mystery' sort of thing to the movie -- with Moody and Barty Crouch -- was fantastically done. Since everyone who has read the books knows what's going to happen, it might seem obvious. But my brother, who hasn't read the 4th book -- or even the third -- got it. He was glad/excited/appreciative of the fact that there were clues as to the fact that Barty and Moody were the same; the tongue thing, for instance. This movie was just so...so [i]cohesive[/i]. It was a movie, by itself, standalone. It wasn't something that a Harry Potter fan enjoys, but something that anyone can enjoy. Yes, Dumbledore's characterisation was a little off, but I think that can be forgiven because everything else was so well done. The acting of Grint, Watson and Radcliff was fantastic, and it's great to see them mature into their own style and add their own personalities to the character, instead of just following the books and the director's orders. And I, for one, was [i]not[/i] complaining during the bathroom scene. Yum. I'm wishing I was Murtle, haha. All in all, I think it was a better [i]movie.[/i] And that's my point. It's a Harry Potter [i]movie, [/i]not just a copy of the book. And so of course liberties must be taken with the script, and things must be cut and so on, otherwise it wouldn't be a movie in itself, it'd be, you know, the book. If I want the book, I'll read it, thanks very much. If I want a movie, I'll go to the cinemas and watch it. [/spoiler] [/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]Hello, and welcome to OB! It's very important that you read the [b][url="http://otakuboards.com/rules.php?"]rules[/url][/b] and [/size][/font][url="http://otakuboards.com/faq.php?"][font=Arial][size=2][b]FAQ[/b][/size][/font][/url][font=Arial][size=2], and if there are stickies at the top of the forums, those as well. For instance, the [b][url="http://otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=44313"]OB Anthology Basics[/url][/b] stickie is important to read before posting. Inside is the details about the Ratings System in place here; including the fact that any thread that is not rated will be closed. However, you can recreate this thread with the appropriate rating. ^_^ Thread closed. [/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]When I was six, my father died. But that isn't the hardest thing I've had to deal with: it's the fact that, eleven years on, there's still repurcussions of it -- particularly with my brother, who is two years younger than me, but was three when my dad died (a week before my brother's birthday). In fact, if I had to chose a particular event, it would be this year, and it would be two events with my brother, both of which are related. This first is the night that I found out my little brother was being bullied at school. I went into my bedroom and cried the rest of the night because I hated the fact that I couldn't do anything to help him and the fact that he thought I would be ashamed or hate him for it, and so he had Mum tell him. The second was when the counsellor at his new school called and told my Mum that my brother was depressed and suicidal. I was in the car with her when she answered her mobile, and I just saw the tears slowly start to slide down her face, but she thanked the man for telling her and approved his desire to get my brother to formal counselling. The next few days were a nightmare; my brother wasn't sleeping and they wanted to hospitalise him in order to get him stabilised and to make sure that he did nothing drastic, and I felt like my entire world was crumbling but I felt like I couldn't tell any of my friends. It's better now; my brother has weekly appointments with a shrink, and he's on tablets now. It's still hard at times, but mostly I'm just amazed at my family's strength. It's one of the most inspiring things I've ever witness. *small smile* [/size][/font]

[size=2][QUOTE=Desbreko] [/size] [size=2][QUOTE=Lore][QUOTE=Doukeshi]Quote:[/size] [i][size=2]Have you exhausted all methods? Now I'm not saying get all kinky and S&M here[/quote] [/size] [i][size=2][color=#333333][font=trebuchet ms]Not that there's anything [i]wrong[/i] with that.[/quote][/font][/color][/size][/i] [size=2] [/size][/i] [size=2][color=#4b0082]Phew. Now that is a load off my mind.[/color][/size][size=2][/QUOTE] [font=Arial]Mine, too. I was beginning to think I should change my screen name. [img]http://otakuboards.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif[/img] Since I've never actually had sex, I wouldn't be able to say how 'rekindle the magic'. My only suggestion would be to think about what it was the you loved so much having sex in the first place. Chances are that you're still the same people and the same things are there, the difference is that when you're in a relationship, you get weighed down the non-sexual aspects, where as in the beginning, all you think about is each other's fun parts. You don't have each other's family and friends to deal with, and you don't know that baggage the other person carries yet, you know? Sex would no doubt be more carefree at the beginning of the relationship. Leastways, that's what I figure. ^.^[/font] [/size]

[quote name='Baron Samedi][size=1]What dear Katana meant to say was that advertising [b]forums[/b] in any [b]thread[/b'] is not allowed [/size][/quote] [font=Arial][size=2] That's debatable. [img]http://otakuboards.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif[/img] A thread created solely to advertise would be an advertising thread, and I often refer to each individual section -- OB Anthology, Otaku Lounge, Adventure Square, etc -- as forums. So it could work both ways. :raises eyebrows and makes tripping out movements: But, yeah, I find that sigs are a good place to put advertisements. And you could even include the url as your site in your profile page, although less people would see it, but it's still there. ^-^ [/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]Well, for the past two years, when I wasn't on OB, I was probably at school. But, since [b]I'VE JUST FINISHED HIGH SCHOOL [/b]^____^[b], [/b]I guess I won't be doing that much longer. Sometimes I draw, although mostly I'm not very good, but I do have flashes of okay-ity in some sketches. No doubt I'd get better if I drew more often, but such is life. I'm also a writer and I'm currently writing, haha. I've got several Works In Progress. I also have a website that I maintain, and some more layouts for sites in the process. Of course, I've got a job, and I hang out with my friends a lot, too. One of my friends is staying with me for about a week, so that's pretty cool. We'll probably make a day trip up to Brisbane and stuff like that. Should be good, yeah. Oh, and I'm going to the Big Day Out in January! ^_^[/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]Now, come on, Soley. I can safely say that girls love a guy in armour. ^.^ *huggles* I've been in one relationship so far, and I've kind of gotten to the point where I don't really want another one at the moment. I'm about to move -- not just inter-city but inter-state, also, and without my family there either. And once there I want to concentrate on doing the best I can in my field -- so that's what I want to do. From what I remember about my relationship [it was two years or so ago, lol.] the main thing that sticks out was that I was always nervous. I always worried that I wasn't good enough, and wondered what he saw in me. And I don't want to do that again. I've grown as a person since then and while I still have my baggage, I'm more confident. But at the same time, I don't want to risk getting into that situation. When I get involved with anyone, all I want is a bit of fun, really. Laughter and messing around and just being stupid, rather than a deep commitment. I just don't think, at 17, that I'm ready for it. Lord knows I wasn't ready for it at 15. [img]http://otakuboards.com/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] I think self-confidence has a lot to do with it. I've learnt recently that if you [i]think[/i] you look good, then you will. If you think you're the sexiest person alive, then in somebody's eyes, you will be. :) [/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]I'm not so much afraid of death as I am afraid of not meeting up with the people who died before me. That being said, the thought of dyin, say, tomorrow fills me with dread. If I were given an option to die now or to live forever -- --- well, that's a tough one. On the one hand, it'd be great to see what the future holds. On the other, I'm already scared about what's happening to the state of the world; politics, environment, people. You'd have to watch your family and friends die, and the people you came from, too. But if you could accept that everyone dies and move on, you'd make new friends -- and yet those would die too. And since, by having eternal life, you obviously aren't able of accepting death, that'd be hard. So if I were given the choice tomorrow... Eternal life with an easy-out clause? [img]http://otakuboards.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif[/img] [/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]I saw it and it was okay, but at the time I was doing [i]Wuthering Heights[/i] at school and reviewing the movie for that, so I guess I must have been in a critical mood. Some of the scenes I liked, definately. But the fact that they focus on the cinematography so much annoyed me; [spoiler]twenty seconds of looking at Kiera Knightley's face through a lamp [was it a lamp? I'm sure it was.] kind of annoyed me.[/spoiler] But I liked the characters, and ooh! --- We're taking this break for me to SQUEE like a fangirl over the cuteness of Mr. Bingley! He was just so awkward and lovable I wanted to take him home with me! -- ahem. It took a while for me to get used to Kiera Knightley as Lizzie, although once I had it was fine. As for the Darcy, he was yummy but I still imagined Firth playing the role -- even though I only vaguely remember seeing him in the BBC version. I guess I've just grown up with Firth as Darcy, and that's been reinforced through the [i]Bridget Jones[/i] movies, as well. The was only one thing that I found hilariously stupid, [spoiler]and that I consider an error in cinamatography -- between when Lizzie and aunt and uncle are heading to Darcy's seat in the country, and when they [i]are there[/i], there is a completely [b][i]random[/i][/b] image of deer running through the forest. It just cracked me up.[/spoiler] It was such an odd thing to see, haha. [img]http://otakuboards.com/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] But otherwise, yeah, I really liked it. I thought it was a good movie -- one I'd see again, definitely, although I think I'll wait until it comes out at the video stores rather than paying another $10 for it. [/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]To me, this is what I love about writing. I find that I have characters that I can't really place -- and others that are placed a little [i]too [/i]well for comfort. I like the fact that my characters are real people for me, and that I have to ignore some sides of them in order to bring the reader the image of them that I want. Sometimes I think being a writer is a little like having a god complex; we create, we play with them, we destroy.We control our characters. And then in other ways, characters control us. I remember writing a chapter for a fanfiction not long ago, and when I'd finished, I reread it -- and realised the entire thing was out of control, just because of one character's tendency towards violence when he felt threatened -- a tendency I hadn't even known about until then. I remember reading things like Harry Potter [most notably] and thinking, "[i]How does she come up with these tie ins?" [/i]And then I start to write my own stories, my own novels and I realise it just happens. An idea pops into my head and then starts to grow and grow -- my character now has a sailing background just because I wanted a male character to have the appearance of a pirate [or at least, one of the ones from the romance novels. [img]http://otakuboards.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif[/img]] I find that I can try to plot the ending, but by the time I've gotten to that stage, the characters have grown and what might have worked once ---- just doesn't. No explanation for it. I just know that they wouldn't - couldn't - bear to say those sort of things now. And for a long time, before I was reminded of something else, this is what kept me writing when I wanted to give up long ago. Of course, now I've remembered what writing is to me. And I'll never give that up again. ^-^ [/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]I threw him out the window. ... Oh, wait, wrong kind of 'meet'. [img]http://otakuboards.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif[/img] [color=Silver] [/color][size=1][color=Silver]I don't have one as yet, but it'll happen, I'm sure.[/color][/size] [/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]Chobitslover, capital letters and punctuation are friends. ;) Please improve your post quality -- I had to read your post three times to understand what you were saying. And welcome back, Hug Monster! I'll just draw your attention to the new ratings system we have in place. Every thread in OB Anthology that has creative content must be rated for maturity. You can find out more about that in the [b][url="http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=44313"]OB Anthology Basics[/url][/b]. So if you're going to add the story to this thread [which is fine], just PM me with the rating and I'll change the title. ^_^[/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]The fact that your thread title is "Read My Fanfiction" and the only real content is a link to your ff.net profile, means that I'm going to consider this nothing more than advertising. Advertising is not allowed at OB. If you want to advertise your ff.net profile, stick it in your signature. ;) Since your stories are mostly one shots, I'd recommend picking some you want to show us and creating a thread -- rating included. Thread Closed.[/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]kuroinuyoukai and IceRose, I [i]strongly[/i] suggest that you read the [u][b][url="http://otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=48241"]Constructive Criticism[/url][/b][/u] thread at the top of OB Anthology. If you are going to comment on someone's writing, then you [i]must[/i][/size][/font][font=Arial][size=2] do it constructively. If you like something, say why you like it. Go into details. IceRose, tell us what imagery exactly is it that you liked, what words in particular that you liked. Suggest changes and things to do differently. Not giving proper CC in this forum is considered spam, and it will be deleted in future. Thorax, the vocabulary you use in your poems isn't bad; things like mangy, protruding and putrid are all words I probably never would have thought to use if I were in your position. The rhythm of your poems are really good, but some of the rhymes are a little obvious and sound sort of childish when you use them; [i]it's teeth are green/.../it's really mean[/i] sounds like something from a child's game. The abcb scheme tends to be a little detracting from the whole, but overall it's not a bad effort. Maybe you could try to include a bit more depth and subtlety rather than stating everything explicitly. It's just a thought -- something to try out and experiment with. Also, in future please read the [u][b][url="http://otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=44313"]OB Anthology Basics[/url][/b][/u] and [b]rate your thread[/b]. All threads must be rated for maturity in OB Anthology. In future, if you forget, your thread [i]will[/i] be closed. [/size][/font]