Writing My Poem

[Bandit Joeykuba]

The Beast
Down deep in Egypt,
On the hot, desert sands,
Said from mother to child,
?Give me thy hand.?

The little child, with eyes of gold,
gave his poor mother a look of fright,
The mother looked around in fear,
And then she saw the ominous sight.

The evil wind beast,
Filled with anger and spite,
Saw the defenseless,
And showed off his might.

Just like lighting,
The mother she flew,
So fearless and bold,
She did what she had to do.

She took up her child,
She drew him near,
The wind beast laughed,
And the sky shook with fear.

The sun was not seen,
And the ground it did quake,
The poor little child,
In his mothers arms he did shake.

The beast grinned,
For he had a plan,
He roared and said,
?SURVIVE IF YOU CAN!!!!!!!?

He threw some sand,
It went up in the air,
It whipped the moms face,
It caught in her hair.

The little boy whimpered,
The little boy cried,
He couldn?t look up,
As his mother died.
The wind beast laughed,
This battle he won!
It had not caught his eye,
Still alive was the son.

The beast pranced off,
all happy and glad;
He left the poor boy,
All alone and sad.

The fear struck lad,
Slipped from his mom?s cold grasp,
He saw she was dead,
And forced out a gasp!

The tears streamed down,
His sweet, little face,
He knew that now, nevermore,
Would he feel his moms loving embrace.

The sad little boy,
All dusty and brown,
Tears streaming down his face,
Walked slowly into town.




This is one of my poems, does it sound good?

[Phantom]

To answer your question. Yes it sounds very good... there was only one part of which I witnessed any possible chance of contraversy.

When you finished the last line of a stanza with SAD, and finished off the first line of the next stanza with LAD.

It is still okay, but if you want the reader to continue reading with uninterupted flowing rhyme, you may have chosen "child" ..or somthing else to put there.

There was another part, prolly just a format prob but it didnt interupt my liquid reading. It flowed quite well. Good job.