What to say?

[Zanarkand Abes]

There is this girl from church I have been good friends with for three years. I want to ask her out, but don't know what to say. Plus, I am afraid that if she says no for some reason, it could hindrance the relationship. I mean, I believe she will say yes, I just don't kow what to say. Maybe ya'll can help. She and I are both 17. Thanks

[Jinzouningen17]

Heh, sounds like a VERY similar situation I'm in(only difference is I've known this girl for a little over 7 years.). Now I've asked this girl out a few times a few years ago though, and obviously she said no. But we've become closer friends since then. I havent asked her out within the past 3 years, but I'm seriously thinking about asking her pretty soon. Dont know HOW soon, but it maybe soon.

But all I can say is remain friends with her, and then when you feel the time is right, go on ahead and ask her. If she says no, dont give up. Dont ask her out again for a while though, but let her get over you askin(because she'll say somethin along the lines of you not being able to be friends for a while, but that'll only last a few weeks, then yall will be best friends again)and then maybe a year or so later, try again.

Or you could ask someone to talk to them, slip in your name in the convo and then they'll accidentally tell the person who can come back to you and tell you what they said about you(but they'd have to keep it on the DL without her finding out that you sent them to talk to her.). This way, they can tell you without you waisting your time, you see what I'm sayin? Hope I didnt confuse ya.

But just do what you feel led to do, thats all I can say. And if its ment to be, then you'll be together. If not, then you know.

Now the way to ask em is...well, just ask em. I wouldnt write a letter asking them. Just ask em straight to their face(in private though). This way she'll know that you're serious and hopefully she'll take ya then. But thats about all I can tell ya. Good luck though.

[Dan L]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Zanarkand Abes [/i]
[B]There is this girl from church I have been good friends with for three years. I want to ask her out, but don't know what to say. Plus, I am afraid that if she says no for some reason, it could hindrance the relationship. I mean, I believe she will say yes, I just don't kow what to say. Maybe ya'll can help. She and I are both 17. Thanks [/B][/QUOTE]

church, you say... Is she a Christian? If so, I say go for it :toothy: (sorry.. inside joke I think- and I don't know you, so I assume you're not on the inside as far as this joke is concerned.. ;) edit- although my avatar makes it a bit obvious)

Anyway.. seriously, just go for it, that's all I can say. I know it's not much help in the "what do I say" department, but that should really be up to you ;) not me

[Transtic Nerve]

1) Every guy is afraid of rejection. Don't worry, you're very normal in that aspect.

2) It is true that asking a firned out can sometime hinder or ruin a freindship, lets say if she says no, or even if she says yes and then later on it doesn't work out. But if you genuinely care, then it won't. I have remained friends and am on good terms with all but one of my ex boyfriends. Why? Because I still care for them as friends, plus i hate the fact someone would dislike me for such a reason. If you care, it won't bother your relationship whether it be friend or more.

3) There's ways to go about actually asking her. It depends what you know about whta she thinks about you. You seem pretty confident that she would say yes, if such a question were asked, so I say just ask it. You can go simple and fast or slow and easy. Simple and fast would be just to flat out ask her out. Go "Hey I really like you and I was wondering if.. blah blah blah" or something like that. Or easy and slow would be to ask her to a movie. Or to lunch or something. Or maybe just to hang out as friends. Then from there she may get the hint and become more comfortable then you ask her. It provides a more stable situation at least from my knowledge and view.

Remember though, it's not going to be easy. Nothing is anymore. Take your time, do it at your own pace, and it'll eventually happen when you decide to do it whatever way you do.

And if she says no, there's plenty other qualified single women out there.

[Zanarkand Abes]

Yeah, we're both Christians and are youth leaders within the group. The thing that aggravates most, is that we are in a play together, rehearsing right now, and I can't bring myself to ask her. I tell myself I'll do it next time, but I don't. The worst part is, that I think she is flirting with me, but I don't know if it's just in my head. Or if it's for real.

[Dan L]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Zanarkand Abes [/i]
[B]Yeah, we're both Christians and are youth leaders within the group. The thing that aggravates most, is that we are in a play together, rehearsing right now, and I can't bring myself to ask her. I tell myself I'll do it next time, but I don't. The worst part is, that I think she is flirting with me, but I don't know if it's just in my head. Or if it's for real. [/B][/QUOTE]

COOL!

I'm a Worship Leader.. kind of.. well, yeah, I am, but only a very recnt one :D and I only really lead worship in the youth group, and the C.U. at uni, but it's great.

I refrained from saying everything I would've done, because I wasn't completely sure if you were Christian or not (I generally discard the obvious ;)), but if I were you I really wouldn't worry about it, and pray like anyone's business that God gives you the courage to ask her ;)..

Oh yeah, one last thing, a quote from SoulSurvivor.com the general point is that, yeah, she probably is flirting (actually, the article doesn't say that, but I think so), and she's probably waiting for you to make the move.. (it also says a lot more- I just didn't want to cut it all out)

[quote]What Women Want
Soul Man. The Dating Game.
October 2002
Interview with Martyn Layzell

Martyn Layzell conducted a survey last month at Soul Survivor Watford amongst the girls aged 15-30 to discover What Women Want. We caught up with him to get the analysis, to put some definition to what girls want in a relationship, in a man, to define the mystery.

Why did you feel the need to do the survey?
It was quite simple really. There's a gap between what the guys think the girls want and what the girls actually do want. So I thought instead of trying to guess let's just ask.

Surely as Christian guys we want to honour the ladies in our lives and those we come into contact with. Finding out how they tick is the first step in honouring them better, cherishing them more and ultimately helping them to be the women that God has called them to be. What we discovered give us pointers in the whole relationships thing.

What were your main findings?
One of the biggest shocks was that most girls didn't want to ask a guy out. They were traditional in that sense, wanting Christian men to be chivalrous, to take the lead, to be romantic.

The only exceptions were if they thought a guy was a dead cert; if he was really shy, or if they felt the Lord had said to get to know them.

The other very strong pattern, was that if you like someone in the church they just want to be told, they don't want to go through the whole flirting game, just a gradual friendship. Guys don't have to get stressed about going on the greatest date. We can just say, "I like you," then they can decide.

What were the top three qualities the women surveyed looked for?
They wanted their men to:
1.Be passionate for God and worship
2.Have a sense of humour
3.Have an attractive personality/good looks, which I've come to realise is the same thing to a woman.

But other qualities after that were generosity, kindness, sensitivity and being interested in people.

And the biggest turn offs?
The biggest thing they found a turn off was arrogance, boastfulness and big egos, with crude talk.

Generally, women did think men pushed boundaries too far and didn't really like flirtatious behaviour - even if some did find that momentarily attractive.

For the teens, flirting involved more hugging, while for everyone else it was play fighting, touching while talking, complimenting, wearing each others clothes and texting a lot.

Vanity was also a turn off. Not because they didn't want guys turned out well, but they didn't like it if they thought appearance was the most important thing. More important was eye contact, being kind, loving, caring, trustworthy, reliable.

BO is a big problem and generally they wanted guys sorting out their personal hygiene more. A helpful hint is not to use body spray but anti-perspirant deodorant. Body Spray doesn't take the BO smell away its like air freshener after you've been to the toilet.

Also a turn up for the books was that many, though not all, respondents said that they didn't really want to date people who were shorter than themselves.

What were the top date ideas?
Well, it turns out that going to the cinema is out of the window, not on your Nellie, a big no-no! Its too anti-social without much eye contact. Women love to be talked to, so the 3 big ones were:
1. Having a meal together
2. Going for a drink, which could mean the pub or going for coffee
3. Going for a walk in a park

How representative of the general population do you think the girls at Soul Survivor are then?
Well I think they're quite reflective of society around us. They are all in diverse jobs or at school, theyre not like nuns or anything. We've not done teaching on how to expect chivalrous treatment from men. They watch the same TV programmes and movies as everyone else.

Thing is, women are made differently to men. It's the thought that counts not the amount of money spent. If it's both that's a bonus. Flowers from a petrol station is not as good as a purposeful journey into a field to pick daisies that are put into a chain and draped on her computer terminal for example!

What did they thing of sensitive or emotional men?
Most women want emotionally stable men. Guys that can cry and show emotion without feeling they are a wimp, or a wreck was a positive. Lots don't think men communicate emotion very well.

How do girls like to be let down?
Most have said they want you to be straight, to be honest and don't start dating my best friend the next day! And don't say you don't fancy someone else when you do!

What are your conclusions having scanned the research?
The surveys clearly show what we already know, that guys and girls are different. It's certainly thrown up some surprises though in a day and age when we're told women want to wear the trousers as much as the man.

But guys need to be sensitive to the fact that women work in a different way to how we do and to remember that when they embark on the dating game.

Guys shouldn't think how would I be impressed? but how will she be impressed? Whether you're going on a date or turning someone down, there's worth in spending time thinking, not just what if I was in their shoes but "what if I was in their stilettos?"

*
Martyn Layzell is Assistant Pastor at Soul Survivor Watford where he is heading up Soul Man, the church's response to discipling men.

75 female members of the congregation at Soul Survivor Watford were surveyed, aged 15-30, in September 2002.[/quote]

[Zanarkand Abes]

Thanks for your words of wisdom Deus Ex Machina. That helps. But I still don't know what to say.

[The One]

[color=darkred]Coffee is always great, but, you have to act all like, sophisticated to do that one. Lunch, Dinner, concert, concert's a good one, but I don't know what you guys are in to or even if you like live music :S. Dude, just think of something you like to do, and ask her to come along, unless it's something really 'guy like'...Movies are a bit corny, and like bleh, but if thats your thing... a lot of people say that about Dinner too but I think dinner can be romantic, so hmmm, probably not the best for a first date. Agh your getting me confused...ok...just go with the bit I said about asking her along to do something you enjoy doing (that you think she'll enjoy too).

Ooh ooh, also walks, walks are cool, in like parks those are also for like later in the relationship though. Hmmm Here's another one, cheesy I know but...Just ask her for her phone number and think of the rest later, that way you have a time limit, 'cos if you don't call them within a week they give up on ya. That all I can think of right now, usually I just think 'Hold on, just go up and say 'Hi', that way I will be forced to say something and thus, the conversation will evolve, perhaps for the better, perhaps for the worse, but at least it'll go somewhere.' But the worst thing to do in that situation is to let an awkward silence overcome the both of you, cos then you just kinda make an excuse and go away.

Ok, ok, I've go it, you already know ewachother right? so if your already friends then you should know what she likes right? So get her something she likes, or do something she likes, and then ask her out. Ugh, somehow none of this seems to apply to you, however if I have helped in any way, I'm glad, otherwise I just feel dumb and confused. Ugh...Sorry.[/color]

[Sara]

[size=1]Ask her if she wants to go see the Veggietales movie with you. ;)

Heh, yeah. Anyway, that would probably be the easiest thing. [Not necessarily Veggietales, I was joking about that.] But ask her to a movie. They're fun, and a good place to start.[/size]

[Zanarkand Abes]

The One, that was all good advice, and I think I will get her something for X-Mas. Thanks

[Mitch]

[color=red] Just do it so you can be good enough to yourself to know that you have done it. I mean, as they say, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me," I mean, what could a simple no do to you? Would it radically change [i]your[/i] opinion of the girl? I think not. You would still like her, life would go on, blah blah blah...sunshine.

But I know it's harder than just that. Just tell yourself you can do it, and I'm certain then that you can get enough hype to do it. You've known her for quite some time, you say, and by that you should know where you stand within her skin, and if in your mind and in your soul you can see her saying that to you for certain, then don't fret so much.

I'm certain most likely she would say yes, if she truely has an interest in you. No matter how small.[/color]

[Phantom]

You have nothing to looose.

If she and you are truely close, even if she says no, than the true friendship will not really be harmed. Its a good way to find out if she really is a true friend, cuz if she dumps you off because you ask her out than hehe there u go.

But you really have nothign to lose and ALL to gain...

[Genkai]

try saying

"wanna go out with me"... simple and clean...^_^ works for me.

[Corey]

If you think she is flirting with you, she probably is. Just don't go and offend her. To coin a phrase from a recent flash movie I saw,

"Roses are red... Violets are blue... Sugar is sweet... And, and you have a nice can!"

That would be an example of what not to do. Just follow The Ones advice. He seems to have it down. ;)

[Justin]

ASK HER!!

lol...I'm sorry. I just had a couple [i]isssues[/i] that are far too similar....lol

-Justin

[Zanarkand Abes]

I will try and ask her at church this weekend. So wish me luck