Writing Eve and Grace

[Raiha]

[COLOR=royalblue]This is a true story. Every word that is written has been spoken into being. And these words burn themselves into my mind. Because I still don't know the ending.
~~~~~~~~~~~[/COLOR]
[COLOR=purple]A story about life, love, and bulimia.

?God I need a boyfriend.? Eve complained.

[i]?You need more than that,?[/i]Grace thought to herself. Her friend was pleasant enough, with a happy face and a curvy sort of body. On the other hand, there was her; tall, slender, and viewed by many as, well, fortunate looking. Grace couldn?t help but feel sorry for Eve, but hey, there?s no getting around appearances.

?Well, do you think I need a boyfriend?? Grace hesitated to reply. She could be honest, but Eve would probably cry or slap her. Then again, she could lie and make her feel good about herself. Grace weighed the two in her mind...

?It depends. What are your choices?? Ah, home safe...

?I go to a Christian school honey. What do you think??

?Um...? Nobody.?

?Exactly. There?s always the guys at work, but they probably get laid every other night.?

[i]?Oh of course. Take the cynical view Eve! That is so predictable of you.[/i] I think you should just sit back and let your life work itself out. That?s what I do.?

?Yeah, but you could probably wrap any one of them around your finger if you wanted to.? Eve was hurt, and Grace could tell.

?Naw, I?m not like that. I?d pick one and play mind games with him until he cried for mercy.?

?Gee, thanks! I feel better now.? Oops. Big foot pushed deep into mouth. If a single word could describe Grace?s face, it would be this; pathetic. Grace stood up, trying to look less tall. Then she waved goodbye and walked out the door. As soon as she was in the fresh air again she sucked in a huge gulp of air and exhaled for a long time. The oxygen in Eve?s house was mostly carbon monoxide, or something of that sort.

[i]?I wish there was something I could do about her.?[/i]
Eve was 17. Parents out of work, daughter slogging away at school and waitress job. There was nothing she could do to get out of those problems, so she made it worse. Already tormented by the cruel comments from her step mother, she turned to bulimia. What better way to loose weight and make her self esteem go through the roof? Why couldn?t she be like Grace? Fearless in the face of men, with the body to back it up. But no, there was none of that for her. A real mother didn?t exist, as far as she was concerned. And as for the father... Let?s just avoid that subject all together. There?s nothing to tell. So of course, she had to gain some control over the situation. I went to her house once at night. As soon as I got near the bathroom, I knew something was wrong. The smell wasn?t the same as it was before and when I looked into her face, it snapped into place.

Her cheeks were red and looked blotchy. Retching. Another giveaway, her bra size was dropping, it didn?t take a guy to figure that one out. And the straw that broke the camel?s back. She told me so one day. We were sitting down in my room, watching ?Return to Me.? As usual, neither of us were paying any attention.

?Hi Grace. Did I tell you about my little problem with food?? Jaw goes into free fall. Thank god she?s not looking at me.

?I beg your pardon??

?I have bulimia. But don?t worry about it, at least until I?m in the hospital. Then you can worry about it.?

[i]?Well, I?m sorry darling, but it?s a bit late for that one.[/i] So what does this mean? I let you go on with this and well ---?

?It means, don?t worry. Really! I?ve got this under control.? The tears started right about then. They fell thick and fast.

When Grace?s eyesight returned, her hands were dripping, and Eve hadn?t noticed. The dialogue in the movie was rushing along. It was as if time had stood still. We were standing on a cusp in the universe. Everything whirled around us while her words lingered between comprehension and complete revulsion. No. It couldn?t be real. Not Eve. Not the happy, bouncy girl she had known since kindergarten. It wasn?t fair. It just wasn?t fair.

?Hey Grace.?

?Unhuh??

?Promise not to tell?? Her back was still facing me. I closed my eyes and
struggled to breathe.

?No Eve. I won?t promise. I will not tell anyone that would use this against you. I promise that. Your family will not hear it from me.?

?Okay.?
We turned and continued with the movie. It was as if it had never happened. My eyes were dry and clear. I couldn?t tell what she was thinking anymore. We used to be able to kythe with each other. I would look into her eyes and she would look into mine. Every thought we possessed would pass back and forth until we were completely together. But when I looked at her again, it was like staring at a stone wall. No chinks in the mortar. No way to break through.[/COLOR]

[RicoTranzrig]

[color=darkblue]Well, you already know this but...

"Know that I love you and I await for you to tell me the real story over the candlelight once it's over. No matter what the outcome, just let go and I'll be there to catch you and hold you until you wake up from this nightmare."[/color]

[Spikey]

My gosh.

Where did you here such things?

I like it a lot.

[Raiha]

[COLOR=purple]My heart broke that night. But she didn?t notice. I said bye and walked her to the door. As soon as it shut, I raced back upstairs to slam the door and crank up the radio. The sounds of Sixpence slowly brought my rational thoughts back into place. I collected the bits and pieces of me that had scattered to the four winds... Slowly, part by part, I placed each memory and dream back into their original parts. The bulimia I left on the outside. I couldn?t handle it.

?Grace?? My mom knocked on the door gently.

?Leave me alone.? I wasn?t feeling like a gentle, quiet, ?let?s work through this? conversation.

?Is Eve okay?? Ha ha ha. Very funny.

?She has bulimia. Do you know what to do??

?Oh baby.? She sat down on the edge of my bed, oblivious to the music in the background. ?I?ll think about this. Are you...?

?I?m okay. I guess. It hurts. And my heart breaks for her. But I won?t do anything that?ll hurt her. She?s not ready for it.?

?I understand.?

[i]?Oh, do you??[/i] ?Good night mom.? She left. Leaving my rational mind, I let go of my control and let my mind go into what it had been begging for. My heart screamed in agony, and so did I. Silently. Every memory of Eve bubbled to the surface, begging to be held and rocked, and comforted. She wanted love so badly, and I couldn?t satisfy her needs. I was a failure at being a friend. Kill me now. Tear me to pieces and separate them forever. That way, the pain will go away.

For some strange reason, the song I was listening to simply knocked me back into the ground. It held me down and comforted me like I couldn?t do for Eve.

?When the world looses it?s luster,
When you?re feeling sad and lonely,
When you need someone to be there in your time of need...
You can turn your eyes to the heavens,
The creator?s watching over,
His arms of love to hold you and draw you near.? I sighed. The pain was quieting down again. I felt better. But not the way I could before. Would the pain leave? I doubt it. Would I get used to it? God willing.[/COLOR]

[PiroMunkie]

[color=indigo]Not too shabby. :) It was well worth the read. This coming from a guy who does not really enjoy doinf such things. Keep it up. :)[/color]

[Sara]

[size=1][font=verdana]It's a beautiful story, in a dark, unfortunate way. My heart's breaking over it. You are a powerful storyteller, Raiha.[/size][/font]

[Raiha]

[COLOR=royalblue]Thanks. I'll post the rest tomorrow. And I will most likely come up with more of the story...probably develop it. I have alot more to tell, but I'm not sure if I should yet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~`[/COLOR]
[COLOR=purple]?Hey Grace.? Here we go again.

?Yeah??

?Are you okay with the whole ... you know, problem thing??

[i]?You have an eating disorder. You are killing yourself! You think you?ve got it under your control, but it is controlling you. In your search for acceptance, you are going to change the way God made you. Hurting me in the process, breaking my soul into separate strands. I want to hold you in my arms like a baby and rock you, and love you like your parents do not. But how do I do it?[/i] I think you are absolutely beautiful the way you are. Don?t change a thing.?

?Don?t lie to me.?

?I?m not! I think you are perfect.?

?I?m fat.?

?No you aren?t. If you?re fat, I?m an anorexic toothpick, doomed to die a slow and painful death.? Hint hint. Eve laughed. If there was one thing I could do, it was make her laugh.

?Thanks Grace.?

?Does this mean you?re going to stop??

?No.?

?[i]Dammit.[/i] Oh. Well, what are you going to do? Keep it up until you?re skinnier than a rail??

?Sure. That?s what you look like.? I do? The last time I checked, I was a steady 120 lb., 5?7?, and perfectly happy with the way I was. Sure I had gained some weight from all the dancing at school, but that was muscle, not fat.

?Oh. Then I?m sure you?ll have a heart attack when I tell you my jean size.?

?Try me.? She gave me that look. The look I hate. The look that says, ?Talk or I?ll kick you.?

?Nine.? Her turn to let her jaw go into free fall.

?Get outta here! There is no way you can be that fat.? FAT?!? Now I really wanna kick you.

?Allow me to prove it.? I stood up, lifted my shirt above my stomach and demonstrated the jeans waistband. Size Nine. Slightly loose, but still perfect. Eve prodded my waist, still not believing me. Then she sighed and crossed her arms.

?Fine, you win.?

?Does this mean you?re satisfied??

?Nope. I?m going to fit into a size six when I?m done.? Okay. Great. I?ll go call the mortician, you wait here.

?Please don?t do this.?

?I have to. I have to look different.? I was on the verge of breaking. But I didn?t. Through some sort of self control, I kept myself together.

?Go ahead then. I can?t tell you what to do. But I can tell you this. I will always stick with you, even if you don?t want me to.?

?Thanks Grace.? She?s looking at me. Her eyes are shinning, and I?m feeling better already.

?You?re welcome. And if you ever wanna just talk about nothing interesting, you know my number.?

?Sure thing.? She laughed again.

My mom is still working on that plan to help her. And I?m still working on the healing part. But as long as I know there?s somebody in control that knows exactly what they?re doing, I feel. I feel. Oh hell, I don?t know. Should I?


?Hey Eve.? I sat down on the couch next to her.

?Yo. How?s it going?? Is this another one of those trick questions?

?Could be worse. I?m tired. But enough about my exciting life. How are you doing?? I look into her eyes, hopping to see a change. Yeah right. She looked back, then looked away again.

?It?s been better. The guy I told you about-?

?Angelo??

?Yeah, he?s got another girlfriend.? Even though she was trying to play it off, it was obvious that she was hurt. I sighed inwardly, this was the last thing she
needed.

?I?m sorry Eve. I really am.? I meant it.

?So, seen any other cute guys lately?? She tried to sound hopeful. And failed miserably.

?Well, there was that one guy... But it turns out he?s gay. And there was this other guy, say, do you like white men?? The look she gave me would?ve frozen hell over. ?Okay, never mind then. No. No cute guys that aren?t taken.? Oo, nice going Grace.

?Are you sure??

?Yes.? I said it, and I was not lying.

?Oh well. I?ll keep looking.? I nodded, not really paying attention. Why couldn?t she just drop this whole boy friend thing!?!? Why did she have to insist on finding ?true love? while she was still a junior in high school?

?Eve. You?re looking for love in all the wrong places.? She stared.

?You sound like your mom.?

?So what if I do? I mean it. I?m sorry to be so blunt, but you really are. And if you even find somebody, it?s not like you can marry him legally. You?d just stick around until he left. Or you left. Or your parents found out.? Her temper flared at that last one.

?Fück my parents! I don?t care about them finding out! See if I care.? I winced. Her words bit into me like a double edged blade. She saw the hurt in my eyes and looked away.

?I?m sorry you feel that way.? We sat in silence for another five minutes. Simply breathing. Inhale, Exhale. Then she sat up, and walked away. I was dismissed.[/COLOR]

[Sui Generis]

Wow, its very moving. Great job! I'm sorry I know you're prolly looking for some ways to fix it up and stuff, but I personally can't see any. Although I'm not to good at judging peoples writing. But again great! I loved it! I got caught up in it, you bring the reader into the story! Great again!

[Mitch]

[color=red] Truly wonderful. This just goes to show: raw human emotion is what fuels writing, and makes the best of it.

Although there are a few mispellings and grammatical errors, who am I to chomp you down for them? I mean, this seems only to be a rough, so yes, I'm not going to go there.

As I read this, I felt like I was right there, just watching, a ghost. I screamed, yet still, it went on all around me, making me want to read that much more of it.

I cannot wait to read all of the rest of it. This is a very wonderful story, especially since you get all of your feelings right out for me to grasp, and that adds even more dynamic to it all...it makes the characters very lively and living. [/color]

[Raiha]

[COLOR=royalblue]I don't know if I'll write anything else. Maybe more of the converstions.....And thank you Mitch.
Okay, I've convinced me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~[/COLOR]
[COLOR=purple]
She had a sort of sad smile to her face. The way she looked at me was heartbreaking. I gazed into her eyes, and everything was dead. No spark of life, no bubbling laughter that I had come to know and love. When I inquired to her health, she shrugged me off. We sat in silence for a long time, the VCD droning on and on. The words spoken were meaningless, small talk, hardly worthwhile.

Her father came over last night. He was both disturbed and strangely
depressed. It turns out his marriage to his new wife has been going very badly. His daughter is a mortal enemy of his wife. He has had no job for almost a year now. How they manage to stay out of debt is a marvel. He poured out his story to my mother and father downstairs, while I sat down up here, blaring my music as loud as possible. I didn?t want to know how he was doing, it wasn?t my business.

My mother related the story to me when he had left. I sighed. Once again, I was exceptionally thankful that my life was so less complicated. My parents were madly in love with each other, I talked to my mother, my father had a job. My life was so fortunate compared to
Eve?s. It made me wonder exactly what I had done to deserve all of this. Afterwards, I slipped away to my room. I shut the door and crawled into bed. As soon as the covers touched my face, I was gone. Dreaming.

Eve and I were standing in a huge quiet forest. The trees grew tall above us, and when we looked up, I could see him. He was watching me and I was watching him. My close friend wandered off while I continued to look upwards. The Elf was handsome, dark skinned, and had long black hair. When he nodded his head to me, he reached out a hand. I turned to look for Eve, when I realized that she was staring back at me. That look on her face was painful. She was jealous. Once again, I had snagged myself a man without any thought of her.

I kicked myself and looked up to the Elf apologetically. I sighed, he was gone, just like I had expected. Part of me was immensely relieved, part of me was brokenhearted. I could?ve had him for my own. But Eve got in the way again. Damn her. No... It?s me. All me..[/COLOR]

[Raquel]

That's incredible Raiha... It's the kind of story that catches you up and sweeps you along... It's makes me feel the emotions the character feels... I know that sounds corny but it's true... Please keep writing?.

[Raiha]

[COLOR=royalblue]I'll have to talk to Eve and think of another dialouge to call up from the past.[/COLOR]

[Lady Asphyxia]

[color=darkred]Well done, Raiha. The only grammatic error (which are my favorites, 'cause they're usually easy to find ^.^") was the thoughts. You should keep them out of inverted commas, and just have them in italics.

Cut out the very first line, it isn't needed. Just start with dialogue. The line: [b]Grace stood up, trying to look less tall...[/b] seems odd. I know what you mean when you say that, I've done it before. Maybe add a [b]Grace stood up, then slouched, trying to look less tall.[/b]

Other than that, Raiha, its perfect. It brings across the emotion felt, but still holds it back a little bit, so it doesn't swamp you and everything seems incoherant.

The characterisations are really good. I don't know the characters in real life, however, they seem very realistic.

If its in the past, I realise it must have been traumatic, because those are the things you remember most vividly. My sympathy.

Raiha, this is very well done, and everything I have come to expect from you in your writing, and more. Please, write more. I'm longing to find out how this period of your life continues.[/color]

[Raiha]

[COLOR=purple][i]She hung up the phone again. Gave up trying. If she didn't want to be reached, she didn't want to be reached. Grace massaged the corners of her eyes and sighed wistfully. She wanted to avoid Eve if she could, but it was so very difficult. She was her friend. But was growing increasingly distant.

If she wanted to end the friendship, it was all good. Eve did very little to take her advice anyways. Other than that, they were fine. But lately, it had gotten weird. Eve had grown physically rough, slapping, hitting, even if she called it teasing. Grace didn't like it. Another thing she didn't like was her growing dependence on alcohol. But she was 18 and it was legal. Not much to do there. Yet another problem was this whole, "test out the guys that are older, see if they're any good" phase.

She didn't approve. Sometimes Grace wondered exactly which one of them was younger.[/i]

"Hi Eve. It's me. I want you to know that I do love you. Sister. But you've grown distant. And it isn't working out. Call me if you want. I might not be there. Selah."

[i]She hung up and looked out the window. Leaned against the wall, waiting for the blade to fall. Except she couldn't see it lying on the ground.[/i][/COLOR]

[LostProphet]

[color=blue][font=arial]O_O

Wow. I don't know how to say it....it's good writing. It catches what your thinking of easily. The fact that you're able to put that emotion into not just words, but metaphors and such.....It's an excellent writing. I look forward to seeing more of it.[/color][/font]

[Mina]

[COLOR=coral][SIZE=1]That is a beautifully written piece. Knowing it's based on something true really makes you feel you want to read it and hope it has a happy ending.
Keep writing.[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Semjaza]

I am not a big fan of writing. I don't like most stories. Thank god this isn't poetry though, or you'd not hear from me at all heh.

I think it's really good. I always liked this sort of style because it's how I write. I just do stream of conciousness. This seems to use that to a degree, although not totally.

You obviously get the sense that Grace cares deeply for Eve, despite her sarcastic comments and thoughts. I think that was reflected really well. The difference and seperation between what you say and what you keep to yourself. It was played off very well.

[Raiha]

[COLOR=purple][i]She didn't call back. I knew she wouldn't. I give up.

So maybe our friendship is over. We were so close once. Maybe when she gets her act together, she'll call. Wishful thinking.

She's not going to call me. What's the point? I give up. She's out of my hands.



The phone rang.

I let it ring. Too late. Wasn't for me anyways.



After the whole damn summer and then some, she IMs me.[/i]

Eve: Hey, how have you been? [i]Oh just dandy, seeing as how you've just popped in for no damn good reason.[/i]

Grace: Good. Ronnie's healthy and Chris's cuter than ever. And I have blackmail pictures of you that you'd kill me for.

Eve: I will catch up with you later, just wanted to say hey. and i love ya, thanks for the 411. [i]The what now?[/i]

Grace: Unhuh.

Eve: What? [i]Ignore it.[/i]

Grace: Nothin'

Eve: Oh no, I'm screwed. [i]It's all in how you look at things Eve dear...[/i]

Grace: Yes you are

Eve: Show me later.

Grace: Muahahahaaha.

Eve: Okay then. Lets get together sometime. Love ya. g2g bye. [i]I feel so useless.[/i]

Grace: Uh, yeah. What you said. Bye.[/COLOR]

[Dragon Warrior]

I'm not really one for this type of story. Like you said, it's depressing. I feel for ya. It's sad. Of course, you did force me to read it >: o

I dunno about the other peeps, but the only thing I found odd was the sudden change from talking like Grace and Eve were different people to how you are Grace using words like "I" and "me." You'll probably scold the hell out of me for saying it, but you wanted constructive critism or whatnot.

Good writing, though ^_^

[Raiha]

[color=purple][i]Two free passes to Manteca waterslides, Two hours on the road, and Two waterproof duffel bags later, we were there. Sweltering in the heat, but having a blast. We slathered on the sunblock, stripped down to tankinis, both of us hiding stomachs, and ran around. I banged my knee on the bottom of the pool, she lost her watermat only four out of six times, and we ran into several people we knew.

It was okay. The type of thing you remember for awhile. At least until the tan wore off. And I was kinda happy she was there with me, even if she sorta was spaced. We passed alot of cute guys, made our appraisals and moved on. For a rather cheap price, we chowed down on drinks, fries, BBQ sandwiches, and chicken strips. And a tub of ranch dressing. We digested, then ran into my friend from school...Mark, and another set of friends from my Youth group, Blanche, Allen, and that tall skinny 13 year old chick.

All in all, I could survive without doing it again, although it was sorta fun to be alone with her in a big water park. The ambiance was okay, even if it was a tad on the junky side. Maybe there's hope.[/i][/color]