Wounded, here I do tell

[Mitch]

[color=red] Right now, I'm not feeling all to well. Last night, around 1:00 A.M., my parents began arguing for the first time in quite some time. Yet, this time there was something more potent, more strong about it.

My Mom it seemed, she said **** for what seems a million times...each time stabbing me, going through me, deep into my entrails, each time ending, pulling out, leaving a certain yet unstraight mark. "I ****en never loved you," she had said numerous times...I just wanted to go downstairs, from within in my room, and shake her, shake some sense into her.

My Mom had gone out with some of her friends, gone to the bar. I'm certain alcohol had somewhat something in swaying her so easily to anger, yet, I also believe it was her friends as well...

Now, let me ask you this, does your Mom go out drinking with her friends at least three times a week? Mine does.

Right now, more than anything, I'm quite apathetical. Although I am encumbered with so many emotions at once, I only am hiding them, putting them down, and grimancing a happy face, and making the best of my day as I can.

Yet, it hurts me more than I can say. And when I say me step dad's face this morning...all of that pain, all of it....again, I wanted to shake some sense into my Mom. Does she not realize, if not for him, she wouldn't be able to be going to college? We wouldn't even have a place to live?

"I ****en never loved you," she had also screamed to my Dad...another prick to my pain. Oh, I don't know what to feel right now...what to do..

I tried comforting my Dad all I could. I told him I'm quite angry, and sad, that my Mom would do such a thing. But that's about all I can do, and say I love him. Which I do, no matter what my Mom might say...I do.

So, supposedly now, my Mom is going to divorce my Step Father. I doubt it though. But whatever happens happens...

Now, I would like any advice you might give, and also:

Tell of a bad time such as mine, describe your emotions, and how you dealt with it.[/color]

[JCBaggee]

[color=red]Posts like this really make me hurt. I hate knowing that someone could be so heartless...surely she must realize what she's doing.[/color]

[RicoTranzrig]

[COLOR=darkblue]I sorta know how you feel...

My mom used to drink every time she came home from work (this was about 6 or 7 years ago). At that point, I really had a tough time in school since I wasn't really the ideal student back then.

So it was really tough to hear what she had to say the first time my performance started to slump. And then to remind me that I'm going to be a failure every now and then...no real emotional support, and she'd really make me feel bad if I did something wrong or said something that she didn't like.

Then I stopped talking to her for a while, which wasn't the best course of action. The most she'd get out of me at that time was a simple yes or no or a really harsh response, which happened to be a dead silence.

A few weeks passed. When she was driving me to school, she blew up in my face, crying, saying that I had no respect for her and other things. I tried to calm down and I asked something like, "Why do you think it's this way?" And left, going about my normal day.

From that point on, I haven't seen a bottle of liquor in the 'fridge since...and my mom's been a bit more tolerable...I think my dad had a talk with her too.

Alcoholism can really damage people in tons of ways...it's hard to deal with but the person has to sober up and think about what they're doing...[/COLOR]

[vegeta rocker]

My father drinks not my mother. Though they are seperated i still remember all the fights and stuff, what i did to block it was read. I just watched anime and read everything i could find. Thats why i am so into games and that kind of thing now. I suggest you find an outlet. As for dealing with it, im sure it will take some time. For your mother, im sure it was the drinking that loosened her tongue. But if it was true i doubt she would have married him. So don't lose hope about your family.

[Phantom]

At least you know that you will always have us here to support you, this is one place in which we will always share emotions, opinions, advice, and critisism.

What you might want to do is anything that will help you with is get your mom off the booze. There is so many ways to do it, but I dont think any of them come inclusive with a ticket to happyland. If you doit, it's gona take a lot out of you...more than what you are experiancing now, but not to worry...it will help, and in the end, she will like your help.

Right now your emotions are so abundantly EVERYWHERE, you are havin' a hard time comprehending them all at once, and Mitchell.

Do you have any living breathing flesh that can support you and let you let it all out....it works a lot better than us cybertronic support mechanisms..*smiles*.

[vegeta rocker]

Cybertronic mechanisms...............I resent that. :therock:

Though you have a point.

[Genkai]

My mom doesnt go out drinking, but she drinks... nothing like this has ever happened to me, but when my parents get into big fights, for some reason it always happens in front of my friends, so they think i have some messed up family and throw pity at me......>,<


well, since I'm not real sure what to say......uh...All I can say is that alchohol might've had an influence on it, and that your mom might not have meant all, if any of what she said. I don't think she was necessarily drunk, but..

anyway, I dunno if I understand what you're going through... but you have a very poetic, yet scarily realistic way of describing how you felt I hope I neve have to feel something "stabbing me, going through me, deep into my entrails, each time ending, pulling out, leaving a certain yet unstraight mark".....

[Mitch]

[color=red] No, you guys are taking to much effect on the alcoholic side of it. She isn't an alcoholic, but I just thought that may have been why she was so easily angered. She really doesn't love my Dad at times. She also is very easily angered. She blows things out of porportions so much that somethimes I just want to shake her and tell her to get some sense. She isn't an alcoholic, she is just herself...and sometimes she just blows up, and injures my entire family in the process. She is very selfish and heartless at times. Sometimes she acts like she's a teenager, and sometimes I believe that is where she wants to be in her life.

She's about 36, and she still acts like a teenager...mood swings and other nonsense.

I've gotta go, my bell just rang for Block Eng, but I'll be watching this thread for support, and I do believe I will write a personal narrative about this to help quell my feelings. Thanks all for the support.[/color]

[Shaun]

Here's my story.
A year ago this December, I was sitting at my computer coloring a digimon picture I had drawn. I had my stereo on and was quite relaxed, when my mother burst into my room in tears, mumbling something I couldn't quite catch until she set down on my bed. Then it hit. "He did it. He did it." She kept saying over and over.
I knew right then exactly what my father had done. He'd filed for divorce.
Having said this, let me give you a little background information that led up to this event.
All my life, I have been an outcast to him. Ever since I was like seven, he's treated me badly. I attribute it to the fact that I like stuff like music, and drama, and art, where as he was very sports oriented. All the conflict started after my last season in baseball ended. I didn't want to play anymore, and move up to the next league. That infuriated him. So much so that the abuse soon turned from mental to physical. I can remember saying how I didn't want to play anymore, in a calm, quiet way...and the look on his face. I'll never forget that. My dad doesn't drink. Much the opposite in fact. During the time when all of this was going on, he was pastoring a church. That made it worse, because I have a tendoncy to be mouthy, and often called him a hippocrite. To this day, I think there's nothing worse than someone who plays church.
Anyway, it got a step worse my 5th grade year. I came home and announced that I had joined the band. I got the most digusted look from him I'd ever been given. From that point up until about my junior year in high school, the abuse was about half mental, half physical. I can remember going to my friend's house for lunch in high school and reaching up to the top shelf of a cabinet for a bowl. My sweater came up revealling finger marks on my stomach where he'd grabed me. My friend was like OMG, and of course I had to try and explain. My mom always took up for me. It got her hurt a few times too. What's worse is, I don't think my little sister (the youngest) was supposed to happen. Yet, she still loved him. She took her marriage vows seriously, Regarless of how loosely he did. Then came that night in December.
Come to find out a bit later that he had been cheating on her for about 6 months prior to that. My Cell phone bill was $200 because he'd used it to call her 52 times. He never paid it. He never provided money for the family (6 kids and mom, counting me) for 2 months after he left. We had to have our locks changed. He told his parents that mom walked out on him. It was all a big mess. I was debt free until that happened. now I have almost $5000 in creditcard debt where I bought food and paid bills. The courts can't do anything about it, because I did it willingly. Things are looking on the up now, but that doesn't erase the past. The scars will always be there. The good news is, scars don't have to hurt.
Through all of this, I relied heavily on my friends and family. They were there to support me, especially my friends. I also got into more anime, and writing, and drawing about that time. I met Blanko just a few months before, and she was always there for me. Best advice I can give is not to give up hope. Things can only get better. I don't know you or your mom, but if my mom drank, and came home mad, I'd just go to my room, or to a friends house to let her chill without taking it out on me. A mad drunk person is not someone anyone wants to be around. Even if she weren't drunk, just leave. I have on many occasions, especially after I got my license. It was usually better to let them cool down first.
I hope I've helped in some way...

[Manic Webb]

I feel kinda guilty about posting in this thread, because when my mom used to drink, she became sleepy instead of spiteful. And I've never ever seen my parents fight... they divorced when I was two years old. I have no memory of my parents ever being together.

My oldest brother, on the other hand, took the divorce pretty badly, and has been known to lash out at both of my parents and my step-mom... frequently. He's been known to come home at night from hanging out with his friends and getting in pointless fights with my mom. Stuff like "why did you do this?" and calling her certain names I can't repeat on these boards. My brother is quite a few years older than me, so while he was a up-and-about teenager, I was still a little kid... listen and watching everything that went on in our house.
After my mother kicked him out, he went to move in with our dad and step-mom. He barely fought my dad (although he talked behind his back [i]a lot[/i]) but I remember hearing about one time when he got in a fight with my step-mom over a cereal bowl... a cereal bowl. Everyone tried to forgive my brother... frequently, but he had a hard time making peace with this family. In a way, I'm glad I'm not like him, but then I feel sorry for him because he had the hardest time (between him, my step-brother, and myself) dealing with my father re-marrying.

[Solo Tremaine]

I think you've probably done all you can do. The main thing is to let your dad know that whatever happens, you'll still love him, and you've done that. One of the wosrt things to do is keep quiet. Talk to him about how you feel and ask him to talk to you too. At last then it'll be easier to deal with, even if just as hard to hear.

Like you said, the alcohol probably added to her behaviour, but it wouldn't be the sole cause. There has to be some kind of underlying tension there. I've never been in this situation before. My parents hardly ever argue (if they even talk to each other at all). I could suggest trying very subtly to ask you mum for opinions about your dad. Just maybe to try and tweak out something that might be of significance, then discuss it with your dad. Don't say something like 'Do you love dad?', but maybe just start a conversation with her and mrntion something about something he does, and then see if she makes a comment. Then, ask her what she thinks if she does. This is all a suggestion- you know your mum better than anyone else, so it's best you decide what to do. It's not going behind either parent's back, nor is it confrontational. But if it works, you may be able to isolate any emotional problems your mum may have. Then they can be discussed.

I hope things look up for you soon. Is it a divorce you're afraid of, or the effects that a divorce may have on your family? Often the biggest strain is not the divorce itself, but the events surrounding it- the build-up before and tension afterwards.

[Sara]

[size=1]Hugs all around, for those of you who want them.

I've never had any major family problems. No big things...just little things that wear you down.

But really, my home life has always been....very sheltered. I used to call it perfect. I know better, now.

And even now, family problems are not--or no longer-- an issue. I just wish I could get everything else resolved.

I wish I were five. I liked Kindergarten.[/size]

[Shinobi]

Well my family has always been secure, i have never seenmy Mum and Dad fight, and [i]know[/i] that my mum and dad would never get a divorce. I feel sorry for people that do have such problems though.

[KittyLynn]

Well My parents divorced , but it didn't affect me. I go to his house every second weekend and I guess I like it, but I don't like him as much as my mom.

I really hope that your lives change and get better.

[Sui Generis]

I'm really sorry.

I've had my share of problems, just ask Mike. I would honestly tell you what I did, but what I did was a bad idea.

Just write what you feel. Don't hide it. Thats the worse thing you could do. Confront your mother about this whole situation. Be the parent for her, if you get what I'm saying. This may be hard but she needs it.

Anyways I'm really sorry to here it, and good luck

[Lady Asphyxia]

[color=darkred]Well, guys, I've never heard my parents fight.

But then, I can't remember my parents talking. As for my story, I'm not going to bother posting it here, however, if you [i]really[/i] want it, go to my 'Perfection' thread. That's my story.

Mitch, sorry about the fight. My half-sister's told me about when Mum and her dad used to fight, about the ripping pain and the fear and...well, everything. Good luck is all I can really say, I suppose.[/color]

[Mitch]

[color=red] Well, I feel much better today. I wrote a poem last night, which I may or may not post in my thread...so yes, today is much better to me. I thank you all yet again.[/color]

[KittyLynn]

Yah what Laliath Ril said, be the parent for her. She may need the feeling of having her mommy around, and she needs you to do that for her.

I really hope life gets better.