Writing All the Wrong Places

[TheDarkOtaku]

[B]Here's a short story I wrote:[/B]

[I] All the Wrong Places[/I]

Sunday was a day I always dreaded. On it's morn, my flesh would tingle and stomach knot thinking about what lies ahead. The house. It's exterior so innocently gleaming in the sun, while it's interior was filled to the brim with unimaginative horrors. My grandparents always thought it was beautiful, and that they would never get rid of it. This was very comical. Times change, life goes on, and estates age. It was time to do what should've been done so long ago. Wash our hands of it.
Every since Nana became deceased 3 years ago,myGrandPapa was never the same. He watched diligently as the clock's hand would move back and forth, making sure he would not miss a moment that went by. It seemed as if he was awaiting the Angel of Death to come upon his soul and drift him away into the abyss we call "heaven." For it was only a matter of time, that something strange should happen.
About 2 years passed since the death when I started to notice strange occurences on our weekly visits. The back bedroom, that portruded from the side of the house, always contained a chilly atmosphere as if a being were there. The kitchen lights would turn on and off sparatically even though nobody was controlling the switch. And the most eerie thing of all, was the spirits that Papa would see. These nocturnal sightings only made my folks more aware of his elderness, but I was too skeptical to let this opportunity slide.
The last Sunday there was spent rather drearily. Our meal was bought from a local suprette, and "family time" was considered somnently sitting and watching "Rita's Italian Cuisine." I used this time to my advantage. Discreetly, I acted as if I were going to use the toilet across the hall. From there, I darted into the far rooms of the dwelling, my fear and breathing rate grew rapidly. For some reason, it felt as if I was running into an area of unwelcomness. I abrubtly stopped sprinting to catch my breath. The forest-green, plaid walls were only another factor in the mind trip that was already taking place. Shadows crept up on my side, and inimical apparitions reached for my arm. Their cold fingertips touching mine as the ghastly smell corrupted my nostrils. It's acrid punch made me cringe as it ran it's path through my lungs. Had my time come, and was my grandfather right about these rooms? I began to tower down to the dusty, trodden floors beneath my feet.
I awoke in a place of gargantuan proportion, who's mystical atmosphere was something beyond what the human imagination can comprehend. Slowly advancing towards me was Papa, who seemed unexpectedly exstatic. I asked about my whereabouts, and what had previously attacked me. The only answer I received was, "You were looking in the all the wrong places for that special something, my boy. One day, when you fully earn your part in this place ,you will understand." Immediately after, my eyes opened from a wrestless sleep.
I awoke just to find out Papa had died a few hours before. My mother and father sitting adjacent to me on the hospital bench. My mind was blank, except for the dream which so blatantly played back in my head over and over again. I looked out at my grandfather's lifeless body and almost saw his joyful smile shining back at me. " I'll miss you GrandPapa." I kneeled down and kissed him gently on the cheek.


[B]So, any opinions? This is not my best work, but I thought it would be nice to share.[/B] :)

[Sui Generis]

ITs a good story. You need to spell check a couple spots, but thats not a big deal. I like how it ended. However it was a tid bit confusing, but hey its all good.

[TheDarkOtaku]

Yeah I didn't bother to go back to spellcheck. lol :laugh: Yeah, it's no big deal. :)

[Delian]

I liked the whole chilly/ghostly factor of the story. Not bad for a short story.

[Lady Asphyxia]

[color=darkred]It's good. The story seems a little...jumpy?...for some reason. What reason, I don't know. Maybe its because the first person seems as if its foreign to you.

Also, when you post it, its easier to read if it has spaces between the paragraphs. (Like I do^) Its just a tip, because people appreciate it when it's late at night and thier tired and they loose their place. ^.^" (Personal expirience).

In some places you have the wrong wrd, like who's instead of whose.

Otherwise, its great. I'm a little bit of a perfectionist, so if I seem nitpicky, then you can ignore me! ^.^[/color]

[TheDarkOtaku]

Yeah, as I said I did forget to spell some words correctly Lady Asphyxia. I don't mind being critiqued though, so you can say anything. BTW, this is partially based on an experience I had. (Not the whole ghost aspect, but with my granparents.):)