Guest TheHumanCornDog Posted November 23, 2002 Share Posted November 23, 2002 [B]The Life of a Idiotic Monkey[/B] Yeah my life is a hard nock course, Drinkin beer and boozin of course. Purple clouds and yellow skys, Guys with boobs and screwy eyes. Begging for nickels,quaters and dimes, Buys me a hot dog and a couple of fries. Dipsy Dos and Dispy Don'ts, I make sure not to smoke the pot. Working 9-5 at a Jewish deli, This is my life and I enjoy it you see! Gimmie Feedback man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raquel Posted November 23, 2002 Share Posted November 23, 2002 I like it... It's kinda like a rap format... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TheHumanCornDog Posted November 23, 2002 Share Posted November 23, 2002 Thx dood:D [size=1][color=red][b]Please put more thought into your posts, and read the rules. -Shy[/size][/b][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genesis Posted November 23, 2002 Share Posted November 23, 2002 Yeah it's kinda in rap format, but seems more of a freestyle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted November 24, 2002 Share Posted November 24, 2002 [color=red] Well, I'll tell you the blunt truth of my opinion... I don't like it. I like the beat, but all the rest of it, I rather loathe. I mean, it seems to have no point, nothing which I can grasp and feel some kind of love and admiration and understanding for. And with a poem, it needs to have a firm point, and grow on it, and think about it deeply.[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sara Posted November 24, 2002 Share Posted November 24, 2002 [size=1]Sometimes it's okay to just write for fun, Mitch.[/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted November 24, 2002 Share Posted November 24, 2002 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Sara [/i] [B][size=1]Sometimes it's okay to just write for fun, Mitch.[/size] [/B][/QUOTE] [color=red] Mmm..I could now self destruct at you, but I'l rather say this: I do write for fun. And all fun isn't always good. Sorry, I'm in a rather bad mood at the moment...my parents are yet again arguing. If I didn't like to write, and did not find it fun, I would've quit long ago, Sara. You know that to be true. I was just telling my true feelings about it... It sounded to rappy and so on to me...[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sara Posted November 24, 2002 Share Posted November 24, 2002 [size=1]...and sometimes it's good to be light-hearted. Think about it.[/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted November 24, 2002 Share Posted November 24, 2002 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Sara [/i] [B][size=1]...and sometimes it's good to be light-hearted. Think about it.[/size] [/B][/QUOTE] [color=red] I usually am that way. But, sorry, I suppose. I'm not in an all to good mood at the moment. I'm quite not myself. Mmmm....I'm usually quite light hearted. But, sorry.[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheDarkOtaku Posted November 25, 2002 Share Posted November 25, 2002 LOL :laugh: That's hillarious! :D I wouldn't consider it poetry....rap or freestyle maybe. It's pretty creative in its own respect. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spikey Posted November 25, 2002 Share Posted November 25, 2002 [COLOR=green]That's very funny. Just don't get it published. lol.[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan L Posted November 25, 2002 Share Posted November 25, 2002 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Mitch [/i] [B][color=red] Well, I'll tell you the blunt truth of my opinion... I don't like it. I like the beat, but all the rest of it, I rather loathe. I mean, it seems to have no point, nothing which I can grasp and feel some kind of love and admiration and understanding for. And with a poem, it needs to have a firm point, and grow on it, and think about it deeply.[/color] [/B][/QUOTE] Allow me to make a comparison to worship songs.. because that's just my area of 'expertise'.. You see, there's two kinds of worship songs.. the first kind, may go something like this: [i]"O Lord my God, when I in awesome wonder, Consider all the works thy hand hath made I see the stars, I hear the mighty thunder, Thy power throughout the universe displayed Then sings my Soul, my Saviour God, to thee, How great thou art, How great thou art Then sings my Soul, my Saviour God, to thee, How great thou art, How great thou art"[/i] And, just so you know.. that song has three more verses which don't get any less heavy on the wordage ;).. then, there's the complete opposite: "[i]Hey Lord, O Lord, Hey Lord, You know what we need (repeat) la la la la la la la la la, la la la la la la la, la la la la la la... (repeat)[/i]" Most decent worship leaders that I know of (in the UK) have used both of those songs (occasionally in the same evening) at some point, as well as many more of the same types, and there are lots of songs somewhere in between. And worship leaders aren't the kind of people to not take this stuff seriously- when you believe you're singing to your God, you don't tend to do it just for fun. So yeah... my point is.. "just because it doesn't seem to mean as much, doesn't mean it's pointless".. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted November 25, 2002 Share Posted November 25, 2002 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Deus Ex Machina [/i] [B] So yeah... my point is.. "just because it doesn't seem to mean as much, doesn't mean it's pointless".. [/B][/QUOTE] [color=red] I didn't blatantly say this was pointless, but I suppose that is what I was implying. Well, I've decided to truthfully and justfully give a positive side of review and try to give Corn some suggestions... Ok, first and foremost, I do like it. I just don't like the fact that it seems so much of that like a song. I think you should stay more concetrated on one thing, and grow on it. But, that may not be the way you want it, so just ignore that advice if you so see fit. Secondly, this would be the most important, is that it seems you suffer your writing to what I'd like to call 'forced rhyming', now, in some cases it isn't quite bad, but in this case, it sticks out like a sore thumb, and blocks my view of the picture. Don't try to force yourself to rhyme when writing. It usually never works. Just let the words flow freely from your lips, your pen, just let them all garble out until you believe you've painted a picture of words. Other than that, I now believe I should admit that I do not hate this, I just dislike it. Hate is to strong a word in this case. Now, I do believe you have a talent at writing. Everyone does. It's just those that decide to stay with it and become friendly with it that tap the full extent of it. So, now that I've set things straight, I'd like to say I'd love to see some more of your writing whether I like it or not.[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan L Posted November 25, 2002 Share Posted November 25, 2002 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Mitch [/i] [B][color=red] I didn't blatantly say this was pointless, but I suppose that is what I was implying.[/color] [/B][/QUOTE] Note to self: disclaimers are a good thing I didn't actually mean to say that you actually said, or even implied "this is pointless", quite as bluntly as that.. I guess I should have stated that.. what I was trying to say is that there is just as much a place for the simple as there is for the deep and meaningful, and that no one is any more pointless than the other. That wasn't actually meant as a reference to your point at all ;) But I really don't need to make that whole point again.. just so you know.. I'm not arguing with you in any way, I'm just correcting myself.. ^^; Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vegeta rocker Posted November 25, 2002 Share Posted November 25, 2002 I like the little tempo but truth be told, idiotic monkies don't do anything for me. But I'm curious to see more of your writing just to see if it is very similar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TheHumanCornDog Posted November 26, 2002 Share Posted November 26, 2002 Woooah I think i've created the most controversial poem on this board ever! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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