RPG Bordem101 - The Funingninlynessing

[Guest cloricus]

Well time to jump in to the semi-known scariness of your boring and uneventful lives, YES YOURS!
I hope you prove me wrong!

Okay how this will work.

If at any point a random person wants to ?pop? in and have a few posts (to liven things up) they may. As long as they post a basic signup ([URL=http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=17678]here[/URL]) and they say they have one up, it is then up to every one else to find out about that person.

If some thing someone makes up and is semi-reasonable you play along and do not go ?that?s just wrong!? You MAY do what ever you want in this RPG and even bend the Otaku RPGing rules a bit. (Mainly the godmodding one and some other minor ones ? they are restrictive, this RPG is about NO restrictions. Within reason for any mods snooping.)

Any thing is possible.

How this will start, we will all have one post about where we are and what mission we are on. (You will see an example in mine, down the page.) We will then proceed in the next few posts to meet in weird and wacky ways. Then the rpg goes weird, we will decide on the mission and then go on to all missions that isn?t the one we choose (lol), no seriously we?ll make it up as we go alone.

Bear with me and we?ll see if we can get this to work.

--=The Funingninlynessing=--
Beginning.

Jake Johnson was sitting in the command chair looking out the triangle view screen. His bridge crew were the most determined crew he had ever hoped to work with, the reason for this, they were driven for the same goal. The bridge was an oval about six by eight meters with seven crew; the ship all up had one hundred and thirty people. In it?s cargo bay was the biggest petition every assembled in the history of the galaxy.
Bridge science officer: Caption we are approaching the command keys?
Capt. Jake: Nav get us with in firing range.
Nav: Sir.
Weapons officer: We are within range Sir.
Capt. Jake: Target the Ctrl, fire?
A large finger shaped object was fired from the bottom of the ship and impacted on the large button in space. The button clicked in. As small barrage of coding slammed in to the ship taking the shields down to half power.
Capt. Jake: Raise shielded and be ready to use backup power. Target the Alt, fire.
Another finger shaped object went flying and hit its target. This time a mass of binary code slammed in to the ship, consols exploded. Klaxons started up to alert people to the fact that they were hit, which they already new, well accept the ones that were killed.
Guy with pointy ears that one on likes: Damage report?
Capt. Jake: Oh do shut up pointy ear guy.
Nav officer: Caption, the del button is making a run on the esc key?
Capt. Jake: STOP IT, fire at will!!!
A small array of finger like objects two of which were button seeking went flying off after the del key. The del key escaped the first few but the two button seeking fingers stay on its tail. One court up and punch the button and sent it flying off in to the distance.
Science officer: Do you think we got its attention??
Suddenly a super-mega-huge star ship appeared in front of them. On it in big letters was BGS* The moneymaker 001. (Bill Gates Starship.*)
The triangle view screen lit up with a list of simple options, run, exit and the one they had been looking for - end task. Their six-week search was over; the most hated entity in the universe was there and was two clicks of a mouse away?
BANG, BOOM, CRUNCH.
Weapons officer: The moneymaker has opened fire, we are taking heavy damage?
Capt. Jake: Open a channel.
On screen a solid gold blob appeared, every one shielded their eyes because theoretically to see some one that rich would kill you. If they had looked the would of seen one of the biggest blobs of a human ever, and around that human were piles and piles a every type of money in the universe.
Jake was still shielding his eyes but had to continue other wise his ship would be destroyed.
Capt. Jake: We have a petition from every single life form that has ever used any version of MS WORD?
Gates: ?Tahw od yeht tnaw*
(*Gates being the richest person ever believed that his was rich enough to be allowed to talk backwards.)
Capt. Jake: You know!
Gates: !!!!rrrreeeevvvveeennnnnn
The channel closed and the moneymaker fired every weapon at Jakes ship. Jake clicked on the paper clip application and hit end task, eliminating it from the galaxy forever.
Capt. Jake: Our mission is complete we are victorious the annoying paper clip is DEEAAAADDDD. Abandon ship!!!
At that moment the moneymakers? weapons hit vaporising the ship instantly.

Luckily the crew through a extremely shaky improbability field were flung half way across the galaxy and then to all their home worlds. Even the ones who had died came back to life and they all changed their names and took their towels and lived happily ever after.

Except Jake, who changed his name to John Clarke until Gates got tired of hunting them and changed it back to Jake. (OOC: Yeah I change my nick to Jake? IC: )


-And now it's your turn....- I look forward to shocking replies. :P

-|B4ro|\| EpSsy

[The Unholy Newt]

[i]Troy opened the door and entered the bridge.
"I hate my life. Opening this door has made it worse," droned the door unhappily. The door to the bridge used to be cheerful, until it had a mental breakdown and decided life wasn't worth living. Unfortunately, being a door made it difficult to commit suicide.
Frab and Gnarak were arguing as usual, what they were arguing about was a different matter. Troy often wondered why he had ended up with these two insane extra terrestrials, but they were no crazier than his friends back on Earth, or what was Earth.
For no apparent reason, he suddenly felt a grieving because he had never tasted tofu. Upon rethinking however, he decided that probably was a good thing. He also felt a craving for a double mochalattecino. Unfortunately the galley on the ship could only make single mochalattecinos. Which were, as everyone knows, too disgusting to poke with a 12 foot long Silastic Armorfiend of Striterax antannae.
With nothing else to do, Troy gazed out the window of the ship to discover a Cult of the Tarrasque priest about to knock at the airlock. Moments before the fanatic could touch his tentacle to the steel door, he was blasted with discarded single mochalattecino. Which, they discovered was a good fanatic deterent. Troy laughed as the cultist floated away screaming, or at least attempting to scream as he was in a vacuum.
"It's the simple pleasures in life that really count." he thought.[/i]

[Lady Asphyxia]

[color=darkred]Rae was sitting down on a chair, with a small plush dog next to her. She was plucking the petals off a fake flower, in the classic, "He loves me, he loves me not," game. The last petal arrived, and it ended up as "he loves me not." She shrieked with anger, and hit the plush dog.

"You don't love me anymore!"

And stormed off to find something to eat, dragging the toy behind her by the ear as it moaned its misery. Face set, she stalked into the toilets, and flushed it down the loo. Smiling, Rae strightened her clothing, found another plushie, and began the game all over again.[/color]

[Lilac oranges]

chookelgook finished paused in her dance around the telephone cable to go and make some bubbles. To her emense horror she discovered a very beat up looking plushie clogging her drain, she slowly removed her ducky towel cap to reveal lots of sparkly things in an attempt at distracting the plushie becuase everyone knows that if you distract a plushie it forgets its a plushie and disapears! this done chookelgook realized that if a plushie can travel a drain than she could to before leaveing she made one last tour of her fish bowl and grabbed some black die (who knows how many inteligent shades of blue might be out there). she decided her first stop would be to find out if the plushie was beat up by an inteligent shade of blue (hence forth to be known as an ISB).

traveling along a drain is very hungry work so when chookelgook surfaced and found herslef among flower petals she imediately coated them in choclate body paint and ate them. not long after she realized they had been fake petals and curled up in her duckie towel pulling the bill over her face in what is as close as a babble fish can get to feotal position. because the bill was over her face she did not see the plushie been throwen towards her....

[rokas]

Rokas:WHAT! There's nothing to eat in the fridge! Oh Humanyti! How do you expect to run a good mental hospital when you only have Walt Disney's head, (silent)lamb, and double chocolate, jely fudgecake with mashine gun baked into it? I want to get out of here!
Guy in white coat: Well if you want to get out of here you should sign this form and you're free.
Rokas: Whait a minute... (begins eating the fudgecake) Show me that form again.(takes the piece of paper and reads).Your na... nam..ma.mama? What did you say about my mother?
Guy in white coat: I didn't say anything, you just done a mistake reading the form. Hey put that down! That gun is not a toy. Well maybe it is, but you'r going to kill me!
Rokas shootes the mashine gun that he found in the fudge cake, at the guy in white.
Mashine gun: Why did a one handed man crosed the street? Becouse he had to get to the second hand store!
Guy in white:Ha ha ha. O God! This bad joke is killing me!!!
Another guy in white comes in.
Another guy in white: Hey Rokas you're free to go.
Rokas: you'll never take me alive!
Rokas jumps out of the window and falls tree storyes till he remembers that he forgot his towel so he comes back to his chamber tkes his towel and jumps out of the window again.
Rokas:Oh no!I'm 100 storyes high, and I'm FALLING! A phew there's a pool down there.
Couple crocodile heads rise from the pool!
Rokas: I guess thats what they call irony, isn't it?


FREASE FRAME

Narator: Will our hero survive the deadly fall? Or will he be torn to pieces by crocodiles. Or will they save him and be the best friends for ever?
Find out in nex tpost in "boredom 101".

[The Unholy Newt]

[i]After enjoying the wonders of terrorizing minority religions, Troy decided to go eat some cookies. He walked into the ship kitchen, to have a choc chip feast. To his horror he discovered the cookie jar lying open and cracked on the floor. Quickly he ran to the interstellar communication device, or telephone if you will, to ring Hairy Mclairy.[/i]

"Hairy, It's Troy. No my nasal hairs have not been clogging up the furnace again. It's more serious. That's right. Someone's stolen the cookie from the cookie jar."

[Guest cloricus]

OOC:
Mission status -
Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar - Newt, Cloricus. (Enigma?)
Plushies, and ISB's - Lady Asphyxia, lilac.
Unknown or to crazy - rokas.
Users still to post their benign post - Orien_Xel, enigma, Sara, darkfreak0304, DuoMax.

People still to join can you please do your first post like every one else has and then go off to a mission. :P

This is starting ALOT weirder than I thought it would and it hasn't been closed yet. Day one = success.

---

IC:
After four days of hiding under a different name he changed it back to Jake, bill gates was to bored to chase them after all and since the paper clip was destroyed people started to buy MS WORD and profits started to go up. (Jake and the others got a nice .000001% profit, which even though it sounds small there was a lot of copies bought.)
With some of this money Jake went and bought himself a brand new super-doper hyper-nuclear fast thingy... Or just a sweet spaceship if you will with all the golden cookies that it could fit.
After about four days of travelling really, really damn fast Jake had nearly run out of golden cookies...
Jake: Do you have golden cookie?
Very Happy Door: No sir but it's been a great pleasure opening for you!
Jake: No cookie? ...
VHD: No cookie, but if you will walk through me again I will be very very happy!
Jake walked through the door, the door was made very happy and Jake continued through to the kitchen. He opened the fridge expecting to find the last few cookies.
Jake: WHO THE %^$*!!! TOOK MY GOLDEN COOKIES?????????

At the very moment his ship crashed in to a planet that hadn?t been there about four minutes ago. Jake hoped out only to meet some irate man yelling "DID YOU STEAL THE COOKIE FROM THE COOKIE JAR!!??"
Jake then asked the same question and they got in to a short tie fight, and then sat down to pounder...
Troy: I phoned hairy, we should wait for him...
Jake: Okie dokey?
So they did.

-Lord EpSsy

[The Unholy Newt]

RANDOM QUOTE FROM THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY!

None is as strange and inexplicable as the rules of the game, Brockian Ultra-Cricket, as played by the higher dimensions. A full set of rules is so massively complicated that the only time they were all bound together in a single volume, they underwent gravitational collapse and became a Black Hole.
A brief summary, however, is as follows:
RULE ONE: Grow three extra legs. You won't need them, but it keeps the crowds amused

RULE TWO: Find one good Brockian Ultra-Cricket player. Clone him off a few times. This saves an enourmous amount of tedious player selection and training.

RULE THREE: Put your team and the opposing team in a large field and build a high wall around them. The reason for this is that, though the game is a major spectator sport, the frustration experienced by the audience at not actually being able to see what's going on, leads them to imagine that it's a lot more exciting then it really is. A crowd that just watched a humdrum game experiences far less life-affirmation that a crowd that believes it has missed the most dramatic event in sporting history.

RULE FOUR: Throw lots of assorted sporting equipment over the wall for the players. Anything will do - cricket bats, basecube bats, tennis guns, skis, anything you can get a good swing with.

RULE FIVE: The players should now lay about themselves for all they're worth with whatever they find to hand. Whenever a player scores a 'hit' on another player, he should immediately run away and apologise at a safe distance.
Apologies should be concise, sincere and, for maximum clarity and points, delivered through a megaphone.

RULE SIX: The winning team shall be the first team that wins.

Curiously enough, the more the obsession with the game grows in the higher dimesnsions, the less it is actually played, since most of the competing teams are in a state of permanent warfare with each other over the interpretation of these rules. This is for all the best, because in the long a run a good solid war is less psychologically damaging than a protracted game of Brockian Ultra-Cricket.

[Lilac oranges]

chookelgook was miraceously saved when the plushie was distracted by a creature falling closely behind a toy machine gun with alot of fudge around its mouth, this creature was in turn closely followed by a shower of choc chipp and golden cookies. as the first cookie hit her she rolled out the way and looked around....hmmm intresting place, she nibbled on a cookie as she considered this....remebering that fish will self inploade if you feed them to much chookelgook stops eating the cookie and looks at it and is suprised to see the name John Clark on it with the word john crossed out and replaced with jake. chookelgook realizes this J.clark may well be an ISB and doodle bugs of to find him just before the creature's (with lots of fudge around its mouth) machine gun lands on top of her...

[Alley Catt]

[COLOR=blue]Skye Freak sat on her uncomfortable bed staring at the ceiling tying to decide what her next goal in life would be. She had succeeded in surviving to her 16th birthday without killing a soul, injuring maybe, but not killing.
Her mind drifted off until she remembered one of her friends and one of her annoying words which she used way to much, ?FUNKY?.
Her new goal was there right in the back of her mind. She was going to destroy the word ?funky?, even if she had to run her friend over with a train.
That, that evil word, was goin down![/COLOR]

[Lilac oranges]

chookelgook had a sudden irepressible urge to write Funky in large letters (with bubbles) on every single golden cookie in exsistence. this was easliy completed by bribing the chef at the reasturant at the end of the universe. this done she continued in her search for J.Clark in the hope that he was an ISB that wanted to be died black!

[Lady Asphyxia]

[color=darkred]Rae skipped from foot to foot, looking at the golden cookie, otherwise known as a Squiggle Top. She'd taken it from the jar when nobody was looking, and was currently trying to decide which bit of honeycomb to eat first when a man shouted at her, "You stole the cookie from the cookie jar!"

"Who me?" She replied innocently.

"Yes you!"

"Couldn't be."

"Then who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?"

"erm...Troy?"

"Troy stole th...I'm Troy!"

"Oops." Rae held out her hand, which was now full of mushed Golden Cookie. "Sorry." She turned her palm over and let it drop into Troys hand. Then she grabbed hold of his hand, pulling him along with all her six year old strength. "I have to show you the secret stash of Golden Cookies...my robot is guarding them"[/color]

[enigma]

OOC: HEY!!! WHAT's with everyone already stealing my mission??????? I thought you have your own stuff!

IC:[COLOR=blue][I]"YE GODS MAN!!! What kind of sick twisted bashterd would steal the cookie from the big cookie jar?"

Hairy McLairy (from Donaldsons dairy) ran about in circles chasing his tail, hoping to catch it because he was so distressed.

"Hold on, I don't have a tail."

Hairy quickly ran to his ship, the DOGMOBILE. All the while screaming nonsense at small children, something to do with oatmeal.

"Why is everything I do related or have related to dogs?" he said scratching his ear with his foot.

Hairy activated the BIG RED BUTTON............'s little cousin, the small blue button, and launched into space, headed for the crime scene of the terrible cookie thief......[/COLOR][/I]

[The Unholy Newt]

[i]Troy, now an accomplice in the Cookie Thieving Incident, unwillingly followed the strange six year old to her stash of Golden Cookies.[/i]

"Why are you showing me this?" Troy asked.

"You looked kinda hungry," she replied simply.

[i]Upon hearing this, Troy and the little girl started to wolf down the Golden Cookies. Moments into the feast, the sound of sirens could be heard.[/i]

"Oh no, It's the Intergalactic Police. We have to go, now," said Rae.

[i]Stashing as many Golden Cookies into their bags as possible, Rae, Troy and the Nameless Robot, ran out of the spaceship, into the city Troy's ship had been docked in. For some miraculous reason, Troy suddenly found that he was holding a Kill-O-Zap Gun in his hand. Just what he needed, more evidence against him.[/i]

"C'mon, I know someone who can hide us," Rae said, dragging Troy through a door into some unknown persons office. . .

[Alley Catt]

[COLOR=blue]Skye could not keep still. This new life goal was gonna be GREAT. Not only did she get to go on a witch hunt after her friend, she got to interrogate anyone, or anything, on her whereabouts. Her anticipation could hardly be contained.

The problem would be were to start. No one can think on an empty stomach so skye went to her cookie jar to find some nourishment. She took out the cookie and was two second away from eating it when something caught her eye. FUNKY was written on the cookie!

Who could be so cruel to the galaxy, to write such an evil word on all cookies? She immediately dropped the cursed cookie and put it out of it?s misery by stomping it to a pile of worthless dust.

Skye now knew were to start, she would find the cookie makers and interrogate them. They would know who the devil is. She hoped.[/COLOR]

[The Unholy Newt]

[i]Troy saw in the strange looking office, a psychotic red head, yelling at a cookie salesman.[/i]

"WHO WROTE FUNKY ON THIS COOKIE!!!!" she screamed.

"I . . . I don't . . . know, I swear!" he replied nervously.

"Get out, before I do something painful with a pencil to you."

[i]She looked over at the three and seemed to recognise Rae.[/i]

"Hi,"

. . .

[Lady Asphyxia]

[color=darkred]Rae smiled and walked over to Skye. "It was the evil person who put money in the toilet."

"No!"

She nodded solemly. "Well, we must catch this evil being!"

Rae shook her head and confided in a stage whisper, "Can't. We are in trouble, cause we stole the cookie from the Cookie Jar."[/color]

[rokas]

Narator: on the last post you saw-
No food in the mental hospital!
Escape!
Faling down into crocodile pool!
and now on this post:

______________________________

Croc#1: So i say to that guy, "if you're going to run over my head atleast dont jam my mouth with a stick.
Other crocodiles laugh becouse they have poor sence of humour. They stop laughing and sip theyr vine and relax.
Suddenly from above: What do you call president without ID? PRESENT!
Bad joke kills crocodiles. and Rokas lands in a pool with a big splash!

Nurdy guy: I would like to say that faling from that high will end up dead no mater if he lands on water or ground. thats becouse water has a realy big surfase tension so crashing into it at this speed... gah....

Rokas kills Nurdy guy becouse he doesn't like when someone calls him dead. then he got all his things and got ready for his mission for legendary [SIZE=4][COLOR=seagreen]MOD ROD [/SIZE][/COLOR] that is shown in this smiley:modrod: from begining of time!

[Sara]

[size=1]Banshee threw down her towel in disgust.

"I give up!" she shrieked. "I FREAKIN' give up! Let me outta here!"

She ran angrily into the one-way glass through which she knew half a dozen species of scientists were watching her.

The impact sent her flying backwards, and she landed hard on her back. "Unnnnnnhhhhh..."

She stood up shakily and glared at the mirror. "Take that!" she exclaimed, somewhat dazed...the room spun, and she fell over again.

"This does not bode well for our hero," she groaned softly. A flock of bluebirds circled her head menacingly.

Things were not going her way, lately. When she signed up as a volunteer at the Granax Beta asylum, she'd asssumed she's be helping out the scientists...not be put under observation!

"I need a new job," she muttered. A passing penguin nodded in agreement.

"Check that. I need a new life. There's no lace life home, Auntie Em."

The bluebirds disappeared, a rainbow broke down the door, the room turned inside out, the floor opened beneath her and she fell....[/size]

[Orien_Xel]

*appears spontaeously* Hi everybody! *realizes je is alone and glances around* Where is everyone?*sets of to find everybody else* *stops suddenly* I could really go for some raisin bran about now...*goes to find raisin bran and everybody else*

[DuoMax]

*appears and begins stealing every alcholhic bevarge in sight*

[Guest cloricus]

OOC:
---
[b]Mission Status[/b] -
[i]Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar[/i] - Newt, Enigma.
[i]Plushies, and ISB's[/i] - Lady Asphyxia, lilac.
[i]Escaping Mental Asylum[/i] (I think you are at different asylums?) - rokas, Sara.
[i]Just unknown?[/i] - Orien_Xel <-- Could you please redo your starting post.
[i]Unknown but funny[/i] - DuoMax <-- All though your post was short it was sort of funny so.... :P
[i]Thinking[/i] - Cloricus
[i]Users still to post their benign post[/i] - darkfreak0304
[i]New people[/i] - <-- Common new ppls come and join!!!

---
People still to join can you please do your first post like every one else has and then go off to a mission. :P

---
This is still ALOT weirder than I thought it would get and it's getting weirder.... Still hasn't been closed yet either.

---
Day Two = Scary Success...

-Lord EpSsy

[enigma]

[COLOR=blue][I]Hairy McLairy approached the place where Troy was.

"Woof WOOF BARK WOOF COUGH COUGH COUGH. Ugh, sorry about that. Kibble in my throat. Anyway, where be the place where the cookie stealing occured? I'm due for my appointment at the vet. My throat is sore because I haven't been eating my oatmeal becAUSE OF THE DAMN KIDS WHO KEEPS STEALING IT!!!"

Troy-"Uh, rriigghhtt. Anyway could you please tell Stabatha over there to put the pencil down."

Hairy saw the pencil in the lady's hand and his eyes glowed. He began running towards the pencil (on all fours of course) and leapt into the air, catching the pencil with his teeth. He then dropped the pencil on the ground next to the lady, expecting her to throw it into the air again.

Troy-"Hairy this is not time to play catch!!"

Hairy-"But I like catch."

Meanwhile, the crazy lady with the somewhat blunt 2b pencil, the deadliest of all harmless staitionary, appeared puzzled at the human dog acting guy. She picked up the pencil and then stabbed Hairy in the head.

Crazy lady-"What the??? The hair, it, can't be harmed!!!!!"

She continued to stab his head, but his freakish hair protected his head from danger.(just like reality).[/COLOR][/I]

[The Unholy Newt]

[i]During the confusion, Troy picked up the cookie salesman and threw him out the door and told Hairy to fetch. Obeying, Hairy sped out the door after the cookie salesman.[/i]

"Quick, let's get out of here!"

[i]Grabbing Rae and Skye, Troy ran out to his spaceship to discover it surrounded by Intergalactic Policemen. Before they noticed them, they ran off to see the local mob boss for protection and a license to set up their stolen cookie raquet.[/i]

[Lady Asphyxia]

[color=darkred]Once back at the ship, Troy turned to them. "Who are you?" he asked the redhead rudely.

"She," Rae announced proudly, "is my half sister!"

"But only when I want to be," The red head mutttered.

"Yeah. Her name is Skye. His name is..."

"Troy."

"Yeah. Troy." She skipped around a little bit for no reason, then collapsed and started crying.[/color]