Guest Hikaru Ichijyo Posted November 27, 2002 Share Posted November 27, 2002 :( Ok well I've recently taken a great interest in directing and screenplay writing. So I'll present to you a very short piece of mine Chapter 1 of: Rage of the Inferno. I'm sort of a bit insecure about my writing abilities so please go very easy on me. :( It's sort of a homage to the anime genre and scifi one. here it is: Rage of the Inferno [b]Rage of the Inferno By Kevin Perez Chapter 1: The Dark Resurrection is upon us [Fade In] We are treated to an office room dimly lit with a man sitting in a chair. The man seems to be in his late 40's possibly of military rank. He begins to clear his throat addressing the viewers. ???: What justifies the right to kill another life, to pass judgment on the innocent and guilty at the same time. What happens when a humanoid is granted the powers of a God? I'll tell you what happens! Death, Chaos, Destruction and the complete extinction of society as we earthlings know it. You may ask what I'm talking about so sit down and let me tell you about the Rage the Inferno. By now I'm assuming you think the Rage of the Inferno or Roti for short is a natural disasters. Well your correct and wrong, Rage of the Inferno started out just like you or me. Young, innocent, pure, not having a care in the world but of course any five-year-old thinks like that. In the Year 9960 a race known as the Arillians were completely wiped off the face of existence by a group known as the Sentran. The Sentran are a gang of military warlords corrupted by selfish ambitions and power. They struck the planet Arillia without any forewarning and exterminated the race. However their mission was not a complete victory a young boy at a mere age of 5 somehow survived the attack using the power Arillians posses. The boy drifted in space for about six months until a local band of space pirates found him. This however wasn't a blessing, the boy soon driven insane by the visions of his race being killed, awakened into something of pure evil. The space pirates ship was destroyed and the boy possessed by the will to kill continued drifting in space growing, learning, and gaining powerful. In 9980 the subject now calling himself the Rage of the Inferno or Roti for short became a mass genocide of civilizations in the Adromeda galaxy. His powers had developed into something ungodly. He could manipulate earth, water, wind, physics but most importantly the element of fire. Eventually Roti made his way to earth, the UN forces in conjunction with the new-formed earth government waged war on Roti. Half the planet was destroyed in the process along with half our populations. Fortunately for us, we were able to lock Roti in cryogenics. Before being frozen Roti left one message to us, in the year 9999 he would break free of cryogenics and awaken his dark powers once again to finally get revenge on the Earthlings and Sentran. Apparently Roti's sole purpose for coming to earth was based on the Sentran's arrival. Locking Roti away might have been earths blessing but equally its curse. Soon after his containment the Sentran began a full-scale war on the Earth. We're deadlock in a battle we can't win. The year now is 9999, I can't help feel but somewhat scared as to whether, Roti will awaken again and set this world ablaze with all his fury. Only time will tell if Roti will awaken or not, but one thing is for certain the eyes of Roti are glowing within that capsule. The Rage of the Inferno is resurrecting! Heaven help us all. [Close up] On the capsule, with a shadow of a humanoid. The eyes begin to glow with a bright red fire burning in them. [Fade out] [/b] Well there it is, not sure if it's any good or not. After all my specialty is anime not writing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raiha Posted November 27, 2002 Share Posted November 27, 2002 [COLOR=royalblue]Sounds good so far....reminds me a bit of a particular movie I once saw.... Oh well, wahtever.[/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vegeta rocker Posted November 27, 2002 Share Posted November 27, 2002 Well no complaint from me! I like the plot development, it's pretty well done for so early in the writing. I like to know as much as I can about characters so I can understand their motives. For some odd reason as I was reading it I thought of Mewtwo, no particular reason, I just did. I look forward to reading the rest of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Biida Posted November 27, 2002 Share Posted November 27, 2002 [color=skyblue] I have one thing to say. More... More! GIVE ME MORE, I SAY! MORE! O_O!! (In other words. Two thumbs up. :D) [/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roxie Faye Posted November 28, 2002 Share Posted November 28, 2002 [color=#9933ff]Wow Kevin. I really like it. I see nothing wrong with it. Of course, if you really wanted some crisicism it, you'd have to take it to a beta reader, which I'm not. I hope the rest of it is just as good,if not, better, than this part! :)[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheShinje Posted November 28, 2002 Share Posted November 28, 2002 [FONT=arial] [color=red] Wow Rick, that is simply amazing, and for someone who's specialtiy is anime, you did well to write a great story like that, will you post the rest here, oh and... Turn it into an anime series, if that's your speciality, make it like the Rising Sun, which is mine. I say it has a lot of potential, so keep at it dude [img]http://digilander.libero.it/ilxnucleo/Emoticon/Rimbalzo.gif[/img][/color] [/FONT] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hikaru Ichijyo Posted November 28, 2002 Share Posted November 28, 2002 :blush: Hey I guess it's not that bad, originally my idea was to turn this idea into a video game but since that genre is rather iffy for something like this, I'd really like to do it as a movie or anime. Too bad my drawing skills are pathetic. Thanks I'll try to post more of it later on when I'm feeling a bit better. :cool: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raiha Posted November 28, 2002 Share Posted November 28, 2002 [COLOr=royalblue]Heh, sure you will.....[/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hikaru Ichijyo Posted March 17, 2003 Share Posted March 17, 2003 Chapter 2: Return of an Inferno: [b][fade in][/b] To a chamber that precedes the universes and comprehension of any humanly figure. [B][Zoom In][/b]On Michiru the guardian of the galaxy who?s sole purpose is to prophesize the second coming of R.O.T.I. and apocalypse. Beside her is the ever-faithful servant girl Taki. [b]Michiru:[/b] So after all this time the prophecy has come to pass, he is awakening again. [b]Taki:[/b] What do you speak of my lady? Has the bearer of light and darkness reawaken. [b]Michiru:[/b] Yes after all these years Roti is reawakening, it seems dear child that what God has feared most cannot be avoided. If Roti awakens the planet neigh the galaxy will once again fear a wraith of which not even world wars or nuclear holocaust would equal. That?child Roti, what ever could of posses him to reawaken, has something rekindled the fire that burns within that dark void of a heart he has. I must find out what is causing this. [b]Taki:[/b] My Lady surely you know the rules, us immortals are not to dwindle in the affairs of mortals, and it?s against our sacred code. After all it?s not like the humans deserve to have salvation. Humans is the universes? greatest foe, they pollute their minds, planet, and nature with their technological advances. They fight within their own planet over silly issues of natural resources. Surely, a race as barbaric as them has no right to remain on this plane of existence. [b]Michiru:[/b] Neigh, your wrong even the smallest forms of insignificant life within the smallest of regions is important. It is said that within every human there is a light that never goes out, humans can certainly change the tide of evolution in the next million years. If only the light and goodness of mankind can be restored. Roti however is the key to unlocking that. [b]Taki:[/b] Roti is the key? Why do you say that? He?s bent on nothing but extinguishing ever last bit of existence in a way he is doing us a favor. [b]Michiru (Enraged):[/b] What kind of incompetent thinking is that! What do you think will happen once Roti gets finished with that galaxy? He?ll continue to move on until eventually he comes here. Then even us immortals are not safe from his wrath for he has a power that only can be rivaled by Gods. He?s like a plague that you never will see coming, and he can?t be hurt nor stopped. As foretold in ancient prophecy, ?The Key to the future lies buried in the past. A dark warrior will arise from the ashes of a desolate planet, and wield the powers of God. Ultimately this warrior?s decision, the choice between light and dark will dictate existence itself. If he shall choose the dark side extinction is near, but with the help of human love and understanding he shall choose the light side, a dawn of new life forms shall be brought about. Life forms, which will end the darkest ambitions that lie buried within each heart.? [b]Taki:[/b] There is no need my lady to tell me the ancient prophecies for I as well know them all to well. As your understudy I have supported your views in the past but I cannot and will not condone your methods or logic in this. What do you ever hope to accomplish by trying to mentally contact Roti. For all you know he could force your mind to collapse. Please I beg you to rethink doing anything rash, if you do this surely the ancient counsel will find out and remove your powers. [b]Michiru:[/b] That my child is the punishment I must bear, for you see I at one point was a human before being granted the role of guardian. I cannot sit idle by and do nothing while my people, ancestors, and successors die mercifully. Now leave me, I must concentrate all my energy on this task. [b]Taki:[/b] As you wish, I shall depart so thou may be able to accomplish your goals, but I beg you please be careful Michiru for if anything would happen to you my sorrow would be that of ten times fold. [b]Michiru:[/b] Go now child, I will do my best to remain safe. (Taki leaves the room, as Michiru prepares to open her mind from all worldly and evil desires that one may have. Telepathically she establishes contact with Roti) [b]Michiru (Telepathically):[/b] Roti?.Roti?what is thy desire? (fade in to the military installation located on earth which Roti is currently being held, Roti?s eyes begin to glow as the one soldier notices) [b]Soldier 1:[/b] Did you just see that? His eyes?they?ve begun to glow again. [b]Soldier 2:[/b] I?m pretty sure your just hallucinating after all that guy isn?t going anywhere, he?s suspended in cryogenics no man nor ?God? (does Nixon pose) can get out of that he?s as good as safe. [b]Soldier 1:[/b] I?m sure your right?though we should inform higher command of this incident! [b]Soldier 2:[/b] Are you going to play cards already or just cry like an infant all day. Now are you in or are you out? [b]Soldier 1:[/b] I?m in?.let?s just forget about this incident like you said he?s not going anywhere for a while. (Eyes begin to glow on Roti as he begins he?s telepathic conversation with Michiru} [b]Roti:[/b] Be gone feral witch do not disturb me with your righteous comments, for unlike your pathetic followers I do not buy into ******** nothing you can say will change my convictions and beliefs and when I get out of here I?m coming for you next. [b]Michiru:[/b] Roti you must answer my question why have thou reawaken? [b]Roti:[/b] They, are near! I can feel it, smell them, and taste their blood. I reawaken for one reason only. [b]Michiru:[/b] What is that reason? [b]Roti:[/b] (Slowly and methodically) Deaaath? (starts laughing) (Michiru sudden begins to feel and immense pain within her head, slowly the pain continues to agonize her until she begins to scream in agony. Taki rushes to her aid.) [b]Roti: (laughing stops)[/b] All those that lay eyes on the Rage of the Inferno shall not live to tell and you shall never live to invade my mind again. It?s been nice knowing you Michiru but I have a previous engagement to attend to. I?ll send my flowers to your funeral. Oh and one more thing, I?ll see you in hell. (Taki begs for Michiru to wake up as she convulses all over the place eventually she becomes limp and lifeless.) [b]Taki: (Hysterically)[/b] Michiru! Michiru! Noooooo! [b][fade out][b/] [b][fade in][/b] (To once again the military installation where Roti is being kept, a loud noise is heard outside the chamber the two soldiers leave the room to investigate, as they walk towards the disturbance they realize that perhaps one guard should have stayed behind.) [b]Soldier 1:[/b] Perhaps I should head back we shouldn?t leave Roti unattended to like that. What if he escapes the sergeant would have our stripes for that. [b]Soldier 2:[/b] You worry too much but if the poor little baby is too scared to follow me go back to the chamber. While you?re at it change your diaper you smell like ****. [b]Soldier 1:[/b] (Glares) You?re such an ******* sometimes, Wilcox. [b]Soldier 2:[/b] I love you Too Ronny. (Solider one rolls his eyes and continues back down towards the chamber, he eventually reaches the corridor and notices that Roti is still there.) [b]Soldier 1:[/b] Once again my lifeless friend I?m back to give you my undying attention. (Soldier 1 pounds on the glass, Roti?s eyes begin to glow and the capsule that hold?s Roti begins to crack. Roti smashes his fist through the glass crushing the soldier?s neck until he is lifeless. Roti smashes through the glass and takes his first steps out of the chamber and strips the soldier of all his weapons, including his clothes.) (Soldier 2 runs back to the corridor to see Roti back to life standing staring at him, Roti smashes a glass case that is by the capsule which once held him, and retrieves his sword.) [b]Roti [Extreme Close up on his face]:[/b] Hello Boy did you miss me, because I certainly missed you. Now let me be the first to introduce you to an incredibly experience called pain and suffering. Don?t worry I?ll be gentle since it?s your first time. (laughs sadistically) Think of death not as the end but the beginning of something extraordinary. Then again it?s a painful *****?. (Roti lifts up his sword and begins to charge with it full force at the soldiers neck) [b][fade out][/b] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Solo Tremaine Posted March 18, 2003 Share Posted March 18, 2003 Wow ^_^ There's amazing tension there. I loved the introduction. It's got a very good style, much like those you'd see in films or animes. The only thing wrong with it that I can see is a couple of gramattical bits, but that's nothing, really. It's very very good. I can't wait to see more ^_^ Very nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hikaru Ichijyo Posted March 18, 2003 Share Posted March 18, 2003 Here's a little more of what I have, keep in mind this isn't my finalized draft. Though needed to test out some ideas to see if it would fly anyway here's the next two scenes. Chapter 3: Enter The Krizer [b][fade in][/b] To the main fleet of Sentran currently located in earth? orbit [zoom in] on the flagship of the Sentran fleet known as Ducile. [b][close up][/b] On a man in his mid 30?s with long white hair. [b]Krizer:[/b] So after all this time he finally reawakens, the last Arillian, Darwin. It should be interesting to see him make his pathetic stake at revenge. Deep down inside he?s still a boy, a weak little boy. Don?t you agree with me Sergeant [b]Sergeant Dicks:[/b] Yes Supreme Commander Krizer, it appears that Rage of the Inferno has finally reawakened. Apparently the effects of even cryogenics have no effect on him. Should I ready the troops for combat. It?s only a matter of time before he comes here. The earthling?s forces already seem over whelmed by his resurrection. [b]Krizer:[/b] No need Sergeant, I have a better idea then to deploy weak footmen. Prepare operation ?Heavens King?. [b]Sergeant Dicks:[/b] Operation Heavens King sir? What exactly is that, I haven?t been briefed in any shape or form about that. [b]Krizer:[/b] Heaven?s King is the code name for our genetic enhancement program Sergeant. We?ve been expecting Roti to awaken for years now, and have been advancing our genetic engineering facilities to their fullest potential. I?m confident that the findings at our lab will prove to be benefit not only to detain Roti, but also deal with those triffal of a civilization called earth. Come now, let?s go and see what we?ve bare fruit to. (Krizer leaves the hull along with his Dicks, the door swooshes behind them, as they enter the genetics lab. Krizer and Dicks are greeted by the staff of scientist, and shown to there seats.) [b]Krizer:[/b] Dear Doctor what concoctions have you given life to this time. I hope your recent surplus of salary has benefited your research. [b]Doctor:[/b] Yes Lord Krizer, we?ve currently developed the ultimate breed of solider that we find very capable of taking on the role of assassin. We?ve recently been gene splicing of Dragons, a once said mythical creature, and p.o.w ?s that have been captured in our raids of earth. The results you may find astonishing, we call them the Ryu-Rox. [b]Sergeant Dicks:[/b] The Ryu-Rox? [b]Doctor:[/b] Allow me to show you video footage of the Ryu-Rox transformation and findings. (The Doctor inserts a videotape as the lights dim. Video Footage at this time will be played in a series of bizarre eerie genetic testing.) [b]Doctor:[/b] Gentlemen allow me to introduce you to the top of the line, super solider, the Ryu-Rox. (Doors open as a Ryu-Rox comes out, he immediately attacks Dicks, severely mauling him to the point of extinction. The Ryu-Rox, lunges forward to attack Krizer however, Krizer manages to avoid the attack, and counters by snapping the beast Neck in two.) [b]Krizer:[/b] (Chuckling)Very good doctor those creatures shall prove most useful in our stand against Roti. [b]Doctor:[/b] Sir? What about Sergeant Dicks? [b]Krizer:[/b] Anyone under my command is considered expendable if Sgt. Dicks was really worthy of the title Sgt. He would not have failed. There is no room for the weak among the Sentran. Oh, one more thing my dear doctor. (Glares at the doctor)Consider your research now officially over. (Grabs doctor by the forehead and within seconds crushes it like if it was a watermelon. He stares at the rest of the staff as they gaze at him with disgust.) [b]Krizer:[/b] If any of you value your lives I suggest you clean this mess up and get out of here. Or more unfortunate accidents will occur on a systematic basis. Do I make myself clear. [b]Staff:[/b] Yes Sir! [b]Krizer:[/b] Good (Krizer exits the lab, leans up against a wall and starts to think to himself) [b]Krizer:[/b] (reflectively) I can sense you Roti, come find me. The day in which our bloods will be spilled on the soil of earth is near. I look forward to testing my strength on you, deep down inside you are still an infant. With infantile thinking, you?re a fledgling with little to no experience. Those space pirates were weak, and let their guard down. One like you can never dream nor achieve the downfall of the Sentran. I will not allow it, nor will he! [b][fade out][/b] Chapter 4: Escape from Imprisonment! [b][Fade in][/b] (Back at the military installation of Roti?s imprisonment. Roti races down a corridor picking off military personal one by one, in a sequence of fast paced strikes. Roti eventually finds himself at the center of the base, when the announcement comes on the PA.) [b]PA:[/b] Repeat all personnel the Rage of the Inferno has escaped, this is not a drill the Rage of the Inferno has escaped. All military personnel engage the enemy with extreme caution he is considered highly dangerous and armed. Attack with extreme prejudice. [b]Roti:[/b](Laughing) Hahaha?How can they ever dream to achieve the impossible foolish mortals they have yet to seen my true power, my rage, my hatred! (Roti raises his hand and dips into his vast powers to create a wall of flames around him military soldiers at this point drop down from the ceiling as they drop down Roti jumps over the flames leaving the soldiers engulfed in a wall of fire.) [b]Roti:[/b] Good idea anticipating the enemies moves. Bad idea, having the enemy anticipate your moves. Hope you learned your lesson boys because it?s the last thing I?m every going to teach you. Been fun but I?ve got a mass genocide to ignite. (As Roti says ignite the wall of flames engulf the soldiers who scream in agony. Very gory and messy scene. Roti races off, to the exit of the base where he is greeted by a highly trained special ops force. Bullets start flying, and Roti manages to avoid all of them effortlessly. A battle erupts combining elements of Tai Kwon Do and Ninjitsu together. Five guards will fall during this scene, which will jump into another fight scene with the remaining five guys in a combination of sword play, Roti will parry all attacks and being conversing) [b]Roti:[/b] Five down, five to go! You could make this easier on yourselves by just running in the opposite direction but being the fact you guys are humans and born with original sin common sense isn?t your strong point. [b]Sword Bearer 1:[/b] Shi NE!!!!! (Japanese for Die) (Roti decapitates this guy with ease head literally rolls to about an 8 inch stop.) [b]Roti:[/b](Mutters under his breath) Hontone Bakayaro! (meaning loosely idiot) (Second Sword Bearer will attack at this point, long drawn out battle in which the bearer will receive and enema via sword, falls lifeless to the ground. Third Sword Bearer charges in only to be cut in the stomach quickly and brute fully. Fourth Sword Bearer methodically attacks but is done away with in the same manner.) [b]Sword Bearer 5:[/b] This is it, Roti prepare to go down, I?m a master of seven deadly arts. (Roti Glares) [b]Roti:[/b] I?m a master of over a million deadly arts let me show you how it?s done. (Eyes Widen on the bearer, as Roti grabs the bearer by his throat pushes his face down to the ground and smashes the kids teeth in with his boot, at this point Roti systemically will destroy him using various forms of martial arts.) [b]Roti:[/b] I?ve broken you down physically now it?s time to break you down mentally. (Roti?s Eyes begin to glow, as the bearer?s head literally starts to contract and expand, the bearer at this point will begin to convulse on the floor similar to Michiru until he is limp and lifeless. Roti at this point will exit the military installation, and levitate above the base.) [b]Roti:[/b] (Sarcastic) It?s a pity, they gave me food, water, and a home to stay in. I really must pay them back for all the trouble they went through to baby-sit me. (Grins) (Roti at this point will raise his hand to a semi upright position, at this point the earth around the base will open up and lava will engulf the base into flames) [b][fade out][/b] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kali Posted March 19, 2003 Share Posted March 19, 2003 There isn't much more I can say at this hour other than my asking for more of the story to unfold, especially in the case of Krizer and the Sentron Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hikaru Ichijyo Posted March 19, 2003 Share Posted March 19, 2003 Today's focus will be once again on the introduction of more characters to the storyline. So for those waiting for major action please hold bear with today. Tommorrow many things will start to come together. Once again please insight and criticism is appreciated. Now here we go. Chapter 5: Immortal Council?s vote of no confidence in Taki. [b][Fade in][/b](At the chamber of elders, the Immortal council is holding a discussion whether to interfere in the world of man or not. Taki is pushing for a vote to establish herself as the sole guardian of earth..) [b]Elder 1:[/b] The time of man is almost at an end it is almost certain that the world of man shall perish. [b]Taki:[/b] Elders, if I may be blunt, ever since the dawn of man, humans have been a failure. They have no morals, no remorse. They lack the intelligence to even make peace within their own societies. Just take the Mars, incident for example. (While Taki continues to talk flashbacks of the Mars incident will be played in a flashback sequence.) For years man tried to colonize planets in case of civil war the result was the first colony of man known as the Red Planet. Mars at first was a peaceful establishment until selfish ambitions took over, the Martians decided they wished for independence and waged a declaration of independence. War between Earth and Mar?s was waged the end result a broken civilization Mars was never the same, and is still trying to use the building blocks of military influence and passive resistance to establish itself as a universal power. [b]Elder 2:[/b] Taki, what exactly are you getting at child. [b]Taki:[/b] As the understudy of Michiru I believe the guardianship of man has been left vacant, I may be a fledgling in the eyes of the council but I wish to take up the position. The decision on earth should not be left up to a council to decided it needs a strong will guardian. [b]Elder 3:[/b] My child your intentions may be just but for some reason personally I feel your intentions are not truthful. Thou have been blinded by rage you must learn to give up this petty grudge with humans. As a former Martian citizen you should know better then anyone to repress or condemn a planet for it?s beliefs is strictly prejudice. [b]Elder 4:[/b] I for one believe that Taki?s interest here are just, at this point I suggest we hold a vote as to whether guardianship of the earth will be rewarded to her. (Long pause will the elders deliberate on the motion put forth by the council member 4 .) [b]Elder 1:[/b]I for one cannot put faith in this child, she has no pure intentions. My vote is nay. [b]Elder 2:[/b] My child Taki, you are too immature and lack the required compassion for this task I cannot and will not place confidence in you. [b]Elder 3:[/b] As stated before your grudge with the humans is irreprehensible, I will not condone thy actions. No confidence. [b]Elder 4:[/b] Is this council mad, even though I am outvoted here, my vote was to establish Taki as the guardian. My faith in this council has diminished I shall go above your heads and consult with the higher power on this. [b]Taki:[/b] I appreciate your insights fellow members. (Taki walks off along with Council member 4, the two walk out of the chamber and begin to talk.) [b]Taki:[/b] (Facial an attitude expressions change) But you all shall perish, Roti will annihilate you, and the world of man shall fall dear council members. The supreme power, known as the Sentran shall emerge victorious and take what is rightfully theirs. [b]Elder 4:[/b] Should I inform lord Krizer of the current developments my lady? [b]Taki:[/b] No need corporal your performance in there was very worthy of your position clone. Too bad you?re not really an immortal. (Facial Expression changes once again; Taki reveals a dagger from within her cloak and thrust it towards the clone?s throat.) (Change focus to the 3 remaining Elders) [b]Elder 1:[/b] That child means to deceive us, surely that was not Ezinguard he was? [b]Elder 2:[/b] A concoction that could only be created by the genetic manipulation of the Sentran most likely? [b]Elder 3:[/b] Taki is also working for the Sentran, what do you think Kaioh? [b][Close up][/b] (On a women in a cloak) [b]Kaioh:[/b] Surely, the child is under the influence of the Sentran whether she was brain washed or not still remains the question. I sense much dissent in Michiru?s under study. However, I have already foreseen that the bearer of dark and light shall past judgment on Taki. [b]Elder 1:[/b] Have your plans been put into motion Kaioh? [b]Kaioh:[/b] Yeess, as we speak Rikoshi of the wave is seeking out the bearer of Dark and Light. He is the only friend Roti has; he?s the only one who can act as his mental support. The Trust of the friend is a strong ally [b]Elder 2:[/b] And your role Kaioh what is it to? [b]Kaioh:[/b] I shall act, as Roti?s spiritual support Roti, is in fact the chosen one for he is the second bearer of dark and light. Unlike the original bearer, I am fully confident that Roti shall turn to the side of light. [b]Elder 3:[/b] However what are you prepared to do if Roti follows the path of darkness Kaioh? [b]Kaioh:[/b] If Roti does decided to side with darkness the wrath of the second part of the prophecy shall come to light. The earth, the universe and all things that live within existence it self shall be plunged into an eternal darkness and eventually cease to exist. [b]Elders:[/b] (All together) Heaven help us if that is so Kaioh. [b]Kaioh:[/b] I?ll shall depart now fellow members, for the time of Roti?s reclamation of the soul draws near. [b][Fade out][/b] Chapter 6: Rikoshi of the wave. [b][Fade in] [Close up][/b] (On Roti whose looking on to the lake reflecting about things) [b]Roti:[/b] Who am I really?.am I just?a plague?.extinction?.devastation? (Screams) Why won?t anyone answer me! (Mysterious Figure floats behind Roti) [b]Rikoshi:[/b] You are Rage of the Inferno a devastator of planets, a genocide of humans. More powerful then all the immortals combined. Yet you lack one thing still boy, your soul, and a heart. [b]Roti:[/b] Who invited you old Man! I didn?t ask for your help I don?t require it (Eyes Begin to glow). [b]Rikoshi:[/b] Remember young one, it is not always brute strength that wins a battle. Having a heart and compassion, a righteousness for battle, something to protect that is what really matters. Fist, that attack without any cause what so ever will always fail. [b]Roti:[/b] I?ll show you fist (Fist begins to burn with Fire as Roti proceeds to charge at Rikoshi.) [b]Rikoshi:[/b] Don?t try that Macho bravado ******** with me young one. Intimidation is part of the battle but not the full aspect of ware fare. If you attack Krizer now, you?ll surely fail. (Roti falls short of hitting Rikoshi but stops and lowers his head) [b]Roti:[/b] (Screams) Krizer! (Eyes begin to glow, earth begins to crumble around him) [b]Rikoshi:[/b] That?s your problem Roti your overemotional if you were to face Krizer right now he would play into those weakness like a vulture on an open wound. He will attack you on all psychologically levels until he exposes you for what you really are a misguided young boy that is lashing out because of his childhood. You?re just as bad as the humans and Sentran you condemn [b]Roti:[/b] That is not your decision to make, what can a senile old bastard like yourself ever teach me. My father may have thought you were a great warrior but those days are over. This world is all about power; the person that wields it is the victory. I wield that power. [b]Rikoshi:[/b] You honestly believe those powers were given to you by mistake, you have a greater potential Roti, you are the chosen one the immortals, including Michiru had foreseen it. Only you can make the decision whether life will continue to exist or not. You do not have a power but a gift and a far greater responsibility then anyone before you. You are the bearer of light and dark, the second of your kind, do you even know who the other bearer was? [b]Roti:[/b] Why should that matter to me? I didn?t ask to be a bearer of dark and light?I don?t even wield any light within me. There is only darkness, rage, death?suffering?I am a pestilence! [b]Rikoshi:[/b] You?re still no smarter then when I first met you, now will you just shut your pie hole and listen to me. (Roti glares but remains silent) [b]Rikoshi:[/b] The first bearer of light and dark was Krizer.. His decision was the darkness that consumes all evil. If it weren?t for ?He? Krizer may have been the only one who could of evolved humanity to the next step. [b]Roti:[/b] Krizer was a bearer of dark and light, that must mean? [b]Rikoshi:[/b] He was an Arillian much like you, one that betrayed and sold out his own civilization so his selfish ambitions could live on. Your father, your Mother, all of the Arillians suffered because of that man. Don?t place your rage in the wrong society, the Sentran must pay however your displacing it against the whole universe! Why Roti? [b]Roti:[/b](Personality changes) Because?. because?the humans watched idly by while my people suffered. The whole universe did, all humanity, all life must suffer, they must feel the sorrow I went through as a defenseless boy. I shall ripped them of everything that is precious to them. I shall make the world, no the universe feel my rage. All things shall wither away while I burn them asunder. Starting with the Sentran. [b]Rikoshi:[/b] Sigh?so misguided, so childish, you have a lot to learn. But if revenge is your quest if you really must extract revenge on everyone why not start with that installation up there. (Rikoshi points up to the sky) [b]Rikoshi:[/b] Surely your vision will allow you to see beyond these skies. [b]Roti:[/b] But of course whom do you take me for an old man? [b]Rikoshi:[/b] (Smacks Roti) Respect your elders! [b][Zoom in on the Ducile][/b] [b]Roti:[/b] I see, so Krizer is still in earth's orbit apparently he?s waiting for nightfall to attack the earth. (Grins) It seems also the earthlings are preparing a counterstrike. Just perfect I can kill two birds with one stone. [b]Rikoshi:[/b] Foolish Boy did you ever think the Sentran would let you attack them without back up. Open your ears; something?s coming, look into the darkness. [b]Roti:[/b] Whatever it is I?m ready the Sentran are weaklings. Time to spill more blood?(sadistic smile appears on Roti?s face) Hope you can still fight old man, I wouldn?t want to be held back by some Legend. [b]Rikoshi:[/b] Your still as cocky as I remember young Darwin. [b]Roti:[/b] Get the name right, no one calls me that and lives to tell. (The Ryu-Rox emerge from the lake and begin to lunge forward at Roti and Rikoshi. Roti, picks up his sword, Rikoshi picks up his staff.) [b]Rikoshi:[/b] Allow me to provide us some cover so that we may get the upper hand Roti. Prepare yourself demons; they do not call me Rikoshi of the wave just for folklore! [b][end scene][/b] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frankie Posted March 20, 2003 Share Posted March 20, 2003 are you insane telling me you wont post more.. *thwaps him* MORE! that is extreamly good. . . goooood i got into that..... . .very nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charles Posted March 20, 2003 Share Posted March 20, 2003 Ah, I like what I've read so far, to some extent. You've worked around the awkwardness of the form pretty well. It's always challenging to find ways to provide suspense and climax or suspense scene to prepare for the next scene. Unlike fiction writing, your format involves units--so it's tough. Plus, you have to deal with the problem of moving characters from one scene to the next and conveying emotions through text. It's tough to do without making the writing look silly. I would just like to see you describe the scenes and characters more effectively. If you're trying to create scenes, it's important to provide a physical description--as I've discussed with you. Otherwise, the characterization is nice. Though, I hope you begin to have the characters cut one another off at times. It would be more realistic. Also, you really have to watch some of your mechanics and word usage, if you want to make this look professional. And lastly, in response to your "You won't get it if you don't like anime" explanation, it's important to remember that a truly great writer can make a story appeal to all audiences. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hikaru Ichijyo Posted March 20, 2003 Share Posted March 20, 2003 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Charles [/i] [B]Though, I hope you begin to have the characters cut one another off at times. It would be more realistic. And lastly, in response to your "You won't get it if you don't like anime" explanation, it's important to remember that a truly great writer can make a story appeal to all audiences. ;) [/B][/QUOTE] 1.)Not that I should have to explain this in full detail but what I wrote so far is not meant to have cut offs. This is only about 10, 20 mins of actual film in context. This is just briefly introducing key elements of the story in which I wanted the reader to pay attention more so to what is being said then character interaction. 2.)As I've said at least 5 times already, I'm fully aware that this is not going to appeal to all audiences in fact my intention is only to pay respects to the anime fans, and scifi junkies out there. This is heavily based on scifi with anime action oriented scenes, someone looking for something more realistic or on a deeper level either should keep reading later on when I actually have purpose for those elements or just stop reading all together. For those that liked it Thank You, for those that gave criticism thank you also, I'm not getting huffy but defending my stance and creative opinion on this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charles Posted March 20, 2003 Share Posted March 20, 2003 Well, I'm not necessarily just referring to what you've posted already. I'm discussing the form in general and what you should include on the whole. As I said, I like the dialogue and characterization so far. It's pretty well done. And, you haven't said that to me five times already, lol. I don't think that it has to appeal to all audiences at the [i]very[/i] beginning. I'm looking at the bigger picture here. It's too early to judge how well you appeal to the audience. It would be unfair of me to judge too harshly. Once again, I was speaking in general. Anyway, I like what I've read so far and hope you change your mind and post some more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hikaru Ichijyo Posted March 21, 2003 Share Posted March 21, 2003 Chapter 7: United Earth Aid takes a stand. (Zoom in on the base of the U.E.A. a meeting is being held about the current developments with high command of the U.E.A.) [b]Admiral Astaroth:[/b] It has come to my attention that the earth faces its greatest threat, the time of peace and stability has ended. [b]Col. Macek:[/b] Yes I agree with Roti finally free and the recent attacks and oppression by the Sentran, it?s only a matter of time before the earth and the Universal Alliance topples over. We need to act and we need to act now. [b]Admiral Astaroth:[/b] Currently our Amiga battalion is engaging the enemy Sentran and there flagship the Ducile. (Change focus to the Battle in space, various U.E.A. mechs at this point will fall one by one, as the Sentran gain the upper hand. Change focus once again to the inside of the Ducile and Krizer.) [b]Krizer:[/b] Go ahead fight, suffer, you worthless beings. How can you ever hope to defend yourself against the might of the Sentran? (A random corporal enters Krizer?s office giving him word of the current developments.) [b]Corporal:[/b] Sir I?m proud to inform you that our forces are engaging the U.E.A. at full force and there forces are apparently retreating. Our troops are about to pull out of the battle. [b]Krizer:[/b] My dear corporal, how many times must I specify that the might of the Sentran never pull back. Exterminate them, Wipe them out all of them!!!! [b]Corporal:[/b] But Sir, there?s no way our vehicles would be able to catch up with ? (Krizer thrust his sword towards the corporal?s throat, severing the head slowly stopping the Sentran from finishing his sentence.) [b]Krizer:[/b] It seems if you want something down right you have to do it yourself, why must idiots surround me. The time has come to show them my true power! (Eyes glow but unlike Roti?s lighting can be seen in them instead of fire.) (Focus once again changes back to the U.E.A. meeting, enter Miss Miyaki) [b]Miyaki:[/b] Greetings Col, Admiral, I?m head psychologist of the U.E.A Miss Miyaki. I?m here to discuss Roti and his actions as of late. [b]Admiral Astaroth:[/b] A pleasure to meet you Miss Miyaki, now please inform us why has Roti recently awaken. [b]Miyaki:[/b] In my vast studies of Roti, the only conclusion I can come to is that Roti, is looking for something not in any conventional sense but on a more psychological level. [b]Admiral Astaroth:[/b] Looking for what though? [b]Miyaki:[/b] His soul?.his mental stability! If I may theorize, his past is a tortured one perhaps Roti has two personalities the Dark side we see and a human with feelings hidden deep inside being repressed by a massive id! Gentleman your approach to handling Roti is utterly wrong. The best thing Roti needs right now is a loving understanding approach. [b]Admiral Astaroth:[/b] (Disgust) Miyaki! What kind of delusion teenage ******** is that! You?re supposedly to be the best in our field of psychologist and you give me the talk to him approach. Roti is an immediate threat to our existence, he?s an animal that doesn?t care for anything, but blood! He?s not some teenage that has a chip on his soldier, he?s a killer. [b]Miyaki:[/b](Anger) Admiral Astaroth, can you and the army even once say that you?ve treated Roti since the minute he landed on earth in a peaceful manner. Do I have to refresh your memory on what occurred the day he arrived. [b]Admiral Astaroth:[/b] (Enraged) I?m fully aware of those events, Roti had already wiped out most of the outer plants of Neptune and Pluto approximately 30, million people were exterminated in his little fit. Once he finally made his way to earth, we launched an all out attack one that failed miserably! I don?t need some wet-behind the ears woman to point out my mistakes. [b]Miyaki:[/b] (Slyly) You?ve already taken the first step Astaroth denial now if you can come to terms with your personal fears and grudges perhaps a peaceful conflict with Roti can be made. [b]Admiral Astaroth:[/b] (Enraged) GET OUT NOW!!!!! [b]Miyaki:[/b] Fine I?ll go but be forewarned, our only chance right now is Roti, only he can stop the might of the Sentran we should be working together to make this world a better place, not a worse one. Admiral Astaroth before I live I want you to ask yourself one question. Who is the monster here, Roti, or you? [b]Admiral Astaroth:[/b] (Enraged) OUT MISS MIYAKI!!! (Miss Miyaki leaves as once again we switch focus to Krizer who is already out in space intercepting the U.E.A. forces.) [b]Krizer:[/b] Sigh, such a weak opponent not even worth my time. Allow me to demonstrate to you the awesome might of the Sentran, U.E.A.!!!! [b]UEA Pilot:[/b] Prepare to abort mission, all troops evacuate immediately, repeat do not intercept, evacuate. (Krizer begins to grin, as his eyes glow a shockwave of immense power is dispersed without him lifting an arm, the forces of the U.E.A. are wiped out as explosions simultaneously occur.) [b]Krizer:[/b] Roti, how much longer do I have to wait you should be able to take out those Ryu-Rox with ease. Show me your true power, I look forward to it. (Switch focus back to U.E.A., and Admiral Astaroth) [b]Admiral Astaroth:[/b] (Thinking) I know this is the right course of action, the time for pacifism has ended, Roti, the Sentran they all pose threats to our cause. How many days will it be before the earth will be at peace again. (Col. Macek, who is currently on the phone gets off) [b]Col. Macek:[/b] Sir there?s something I must tell you? [b]Admiral Astaroth:[/b] More bad news? [b]Col. Macek:[/b] It is my sad duty to inform you that our latest operation to stop the Sentran has failed, there are no survivors. Apparently Krizer took an offensive against our forces personally should I send out another squad? [b]Admiral Astaroth:[/b] There will be no need for that, the time for direct offensives is over. Col. Order an immediate search party to look for Roti, however give the direct order to not fire upon him. [b]Col. Macek:[/b] But sir??! [b]Admiral Astaroth:[/b] I?m very aware that the chances of this are slim but perhaps Miss Miyaki was right. If we could somehow persuade Roti to join our forces perhaps we could get the upper hand. Find the Rage of the Inferno immediately do not engage in any way what so ever, any man found attacking will be court martial and put to death those are my orders! [b]Col. Macek:[/b] Yes Sir! (In the shadows listening on is Kaioh who briefly smirks. Kaioh begins to make her exit on a quest to find Rage of the Inferno.) [b][Fade out][/b] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frankie Posted March 21, 2003 Share Posted March 21, 2003 You know... I really liked that chapter. I beg you to post more. This is very good. If this was a movie i would go to it many times over. Very nice i say. I await more Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hikaru Ichijyo Posted March 22, 2003 Share Posted March 22, 2003 Chapter 8: Ryu-Rox last stand, Kaioh returns, Roti?s Reclamation begins! [b][Fade in][/b] (To Rikoshi chanting, as the masses of Ryu-Rox continue to lunge closer.) [b]Rikoshi:[/b] (Chants) Mondaji koyoga asente! (As Rikoshi finishes his incantation a massive wave appears from the Lake, the Ryu-Rox are flushed to shore as Roti and Rikoshi begin to rush at the enemy. Roti pulls out his blade beginning to attack the first Ryu-Rox in sight!) [b]Roti:[/b] All those that lay eyes on Rage of the Inferno shall be burned asunder heed my warning feral beast you cannot defeat me! (Ryu-Rox lunges forward as Roti, summersaults avoiding the monsters claw attack, Roti counters breaking the beast arm in several places. As it begins to wail Roti pulls out a small handgun and proceeds to fire away at the beast directly.) [b]Rikoshi:[/b] Excessive force certainly justifies the means in this case Roti. Allow me to demonstrate how it?s really done. (Seven Ryu-Rox begin to lunge simultaneously at Rikoshi, we are treated to various forms of martial arts while in-cooperating his staff within the routine itself. At this point six of them will fall to the ground the last one is stabbed directly in the heart revealing that Rikoshi?s bottom half of the staff in fact has a blade. Focus back on to Roti) [b]Roti:[/b] So the Legends were true, Rikoshi of the wave is not just folklore but an impressive warrior. [b]Rikoshi:[/b] What do you mean impressive that was beyond extraordinary (Enemy Ryu-Rox tries for an attack from behind but is treated to a series of elbow attacks, Rikoshi pulls a 360 degree turn slashing the beast head off. Focus back to Roti) (Roti begins to take on a larger amount of Ryu-Rox; eventually he begins to charge at them one by one picking them off Samurai style.) [b]Roti:[/b] One Hundred?. One Hundred and Twenty, One Thirty? (Roti abruptly stops when to find himself surrounded by the masses, Eyes begin to glow burning red. He raises his hand; at this point he positions himself in a Hadoken type stance and begins to fire an enormous beam of light from his hands. Rikoshi looks on in awe.) [b]Rikoshi:[/b] Excessive force?.that?s pure brutality what?s the boy thinking? Roti what are you doing!? [b]Roti:[/b] All those who lay eyes on me shall pay the price, burn asunder all of you shall pay. Deaaaath! (Hisses) (At this point Roti begins to smash his fist into the ground as pure fire begins to sprout from the ground as if Roti has engulfed the area in the flames of hell itself. Thousands of Ryu-Rox can be heard screeching. Rikoshi runs over to Roti in an attempt to stop him but is severely backhanded by Roti?s brute strength!) [b]Rikoshi:[/b] Roti what?s become of you, have you gone made your going to kill us all! It?s over end it now! [b]Roti:[/b] (Sadistically) Death is the only answer, it is the only solution, and all things are meant to end. I shall not listen anymore to this, to you?your only impeding the process. You ask have I gone mad?no?I?m beyond mad?. beyond any comprehension of evil thou could ever understand. Prepare yourself Rikoshi for the end! (Rikoshi furiously tries to get up but his power is severely drained from the previous encounter and blow. Roti begins to pick up his pace slowly getting closer until a blast of pure light is thrown towards Roti?s direction. Kaioh has arrived!) [b]Kaioh:[/b] Rage of the Inferno step down now, or I shall be forced to restrain you! [b]Roti:[/b] Do as you wish feral witch but prepare yourself for the end! (Roti begins to rush at Kaioh and the two engage in a series of martial art techniques, it appears as if Roti is in fact losing. Roti throws a punch only to be countered and restrained from behind by Kaioh.) [b]Kaioh:[/b] Foolish boy come to your sense the darkness that is within you wishes to take over fully. You?re stronger then this boy fight it fight it! (Roti breaks free of the hold, and kicks Kaioh hardly in the gut! She falls to the ground injured but not dead. Roti begins to close in, his hands begin to burn red with fire and prepares to Strike!) [b]Roti:[/b] Do you have any last words before you meet with the gates of Helllll! (Hisses) [b]Rikoshi:[/b] Not if I have anything to say about it! (Screams) Mashenti Annox! (The sea rises again lunging towards Roti at full force. Roti is hit badly and stunned.) [b]Kaioh:[/b] Foolish child it is not always the most powerful that wins the battle experience and humility for your opponent is also the essence! Prepare to reclaim your soul Roti! (Kaioh eyes begin to glow with a bright blinding light; Roti struggles and attempts to cover his eyes from the light but passes out and falls to the ground lifeless.) [b][Fade out] [/b] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frankie Posted March 24, 2003 Share Posted March 24, 2003 Awsome! Again i have to say i like this really well. I like to invision what i read. Take the monster from Stephen Kings THE GIRL WHO LOVED TOM GORDON. . . THe way you put this i can almost feel/hear/see in my mind whats going on. That was i enjoy most out of reading meterial... turning it into a mental movie... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hikaru Ichijyo Posted March 25, 2003 Share Posted March 25, 2003 Chapter 9: Reclamation of the Soul Part I [b][Fade In][/b] (To a graveyard type atmosphere, Roti still remains unconscious on the floor however within seconds regains consciousness only to be bewildered by his surroundings.) [b]Roti:[/b] Where the hell am I? (Within seconds a being of light appears before Roti, and within seconds, we notice the being is non other then Kaioh.) [b]Kaioh:[/b] You are in your own personal Hell one might say, this is the inner sanctum of your dark, distorted mind. [b]Roti:[/b] Ah, so the wench returns once again to give me a sermon. Get me out of here now?or you?ll feel my wrath! (Roti?s fists begin to ignite with fire.) [b]Kaioh:[/b] I?m sorry but I cannot do that, you?ve been summoned here for a great purpose, to regain a part of you that was lost a long time ago. I can restore the goodness within you and shine light within that dark void you call a heart. [b]Roti:[/b] (Sarcastically) I?m not looking for a date, other then with death itself. [b]Kaioh:[/b] It is not death that you seek, even you know that?your running away from your true nature, your life is not meant for destruction, your purpose? [b]Roti:[/b] Is much more greater then that! Tell me what I do not already know! [b]Kaioh:[/b] What is it you do not know? [b]Roti:[/b] Who am I? What really am I? Why was this curse brought upon me and not someone else. [b]Kaioh:[/b] Who you are? Is Darwin head heir of the Arillians, what you are is? One of a kind! The last of your kind! As for your third question you are not cursed you simply feel that way. I agree the recent events you?ve taken have not been totally your fault. My dear child you are simply lost and confused. The death of your people was a traumatic experience one that not even the immortals could bear to watch. [b]Roti:[/b] Yet you stood aside and watched as they died one by one, as I was powerless to do anything. The immortals are just as bad as the humans I swear to annihilate! [b]Kaioh:[/b] You of all people should know that the immortal class couldn?t interfere in the cases of man and humanoids. It is against our jurisdiction and God to disobey those orders. [b]Roti:[/b] (Sardonically) And yet you Michiru disobeyed those very orders in order to protect me, only a caring mother would do that. [b]Kaioh:[/b]?What gives you the impression that I, and Michiru are of the same being? [b]Roti:[/b] The scent is that of the same nature of Michiru, my mother. (Kaioh reveals her true nature only to reveal that she is in fact Michiru) [b]Michiru:[/b] A very perceptive young man you have turned out to be Darwin, you?ve made me proud. [b]Roti:[/b] (Infuriated) Stay away from me, you?re luckily I spare your life! (Flashback sequence in which we see Roti, mentally tell Michiru) [b]Roti:[/b] There is a traitor among you, she is Taki. Fake your death, or you shall be killed? [b]Michiru:[/b] Why should I trust you? [b]Roti:[/b] Why should you not? (End Flashback) [b]Michiru:[/b] I graciously thank you for saving my life however one piece of this puzzle remains? [b]Roti:[/b] How do I know you?re my mother? Well that my dear is simple. My father lied to me since a very little age about you. He passed off some ***** to be my birth mother. Deep down inside every child there is a special bond between him and his birth mother one tie that can never be separated. It doesn?t also hurt to be able?to? [b]Michiru:[/b] Ah, I see a mental probe! You probed your own father to find the truth, the answers. [b]Roti:[/b] Indeed I did, however now I shall ask you the questions? Why did you betray me?! [b]Michiru:[/b] Betray?I did not betray you my son?what is this you speak of? [b]Roti:[/b] You left me all alone, when I needed a mother you weren?t there to protect me when Krizer invaded our world my home! [b]Michiru:[/b] My dear Roti?the decision was forced upon me, I had no say in the matter the immortal council would not allow me to interfere, your father too. It is stated within Arillian history that when the blood of Humans and Arillians combine a dark and powerful being shall come into existence, with unfathomable powers that could blight the world in destruction. It is not secret that the Arillians did not acknowledge the wedding of your father and I. For as you know. I am in fact a human and in having you broke the Arillian sacred code. As punishment your father was never allowed to see me again, I was exiled from Arillia and taken in by the Immortals for a great purpose that I cannot unfortunately reveal to you my child. But remember not once did a day go by when I didn?t think about you, when Arillia was destroyed I feared the worst until you showed up on Earth. It was like if Destiny once again restored faith and love within me. Roti, you must do as I ask? [b]Roti:[/b] And what is it that you ask of me? [b]Michiru:[/b] You must dawn the trials only known as Reclamation of the Soul! [b]Roti:[/b] Reclamation of the Soul? What is this that you rant on and on about? [b]Michiru:[/b] Words cannot describe these trials, within that Gate leads to another Graveyard, you will face 3 Warriors. The First is Zetasuma, of the Mountains, the Second is Montesuma of the Magma. [b]Roti:[/b] What be the last Warrior? [b]Michiru:[/b] The answer to that varies within each person the last warrior is your darkest fears, the darkness that consumes you. Whatever those fears are will manifest in the form of the last Warrior. Be warned Roti, these warriors are very powerful ones that maybe not even you can conquer! [b]Roti:[/b] (Sadistically)Then why are you sending me to my death! [b]Michiru:[/b] (Smirks) For I have already foreseen the outcome. [b]Roti:[/b] (Slyly) Damn, psychic?very well wench! I shall race off to do battle amongst these warriors! I shall reclaim this thing that seems so precious to you called a soul. (Angered) However! This does not in any way make you my friend, a confidant, not even an acquaintance! Do I make myself clear? [b]Michiru:[/b] I understand loud and clear child, please be aware that this being you see before you is not real. For this is my astro projection. I shall be your spiritual support on this quest! I shall wait for you at the front of the gates and above all else be careful. [b]Roti:[/b] Very well! (Sadistically) Bring it on Boys! I have plenty of aggression to vent on you. Prepare yourself for the Rage of the Inferno! (Roti opens the gates to the next graveyard and rushes in to an uncertain battle!) [b][Fade Out][/b] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kali Posted March 26, 2003 Share Posted March 26, 2003 I hear the ringing of great bells off in the distance. Finally, we know what's up with Michiru/Kaoih, and now that i've had a chance to read this chapter again, I can add a little more to my comments. Again, i like how the story unfolds, and I like the interaction between Roti and Michiru, although at times you need to make changes in the way Roti feels more apparent to the readers, you should step in from time to time as the narrator and give us a hint that Roti's expressions are changing. For instance "Roti: Is much more greater then that! Tell me what I do not already know! Kaioh: What is it you do not know? Roti: Who am I? What really am I? Why was this curse brought upon me and not someone else." I could visualize Roti's face changing and I could imagine another part of him beginning to show out (heh heh, it seems fitting with how so many characters have a habbit of calling him "boy" But still i wanted to be completely certain rather that assuming. Here goes another example "Roti: You left me all alone, when I needed a mother you weren?t there to protect me when Krizer invaded our world my home!" Its a pretty powerful line for Roti that made me see he was hurting, but again i wasn't sure about how he was expressing that pain. Lastly, I'll chalk it up to editing mistakes, but sometimes, I feel, question marks appear in strange places, like these pieces taken from Michiru and Roti: "It was like if Destiny once again restored faith and love within me. Roti, you must do as I ask?" "Roti: There is a traitor among you, she is Taki. Fake your death, or you shall be killed?" I really couldn't think of a way to see these as questions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hikaru Ichijyo Posted March 26, 2003 Share Posted March 26, 2003 Chapter 10: Reclamation of the Soul Part II, Krizer?s deception, who is ?He?? [b][Fade In][/b] (To the Ducile in which Krizer currently is contemplating the outcome of the Ryu-Rox battle) [b]Krizer:[/b] So you?re telling me Sergeant that not a single Ryu-Rox survived the battle with Roti. [b]Sergeant:[/b] Yes Sir, all Ryu-Rox were completely mauled over by Rage of the Inferno. It appears he?s grown more powerful then expected. [b]Krizer:[/b] (Thinking to himself) How can he have increased his power so much in such a short period of time. I suppose the boy truly is the second bearer of dark and light. How enticing. [b]Sergeant:[/b] Sir? Is there something wrong? [b]Krizer:[/b] Not at all my good Man, not at all?(pulls out dagger hidden within his sleeve and begins to maliciously stab the Sergeant. (A platoon, of Sentran looks on in disbelief) [b]Krizer:[/b] Do any of you have any objections to the rule of Sentran! My power is absolute do you hear me? Hey you, over there? (Aims a gun at the corporal?s head) What is the situation with the Earthlings? [b]Corporal:[/b] The U.E.A. has launched a massive campaign to find Roti sir? It is expected that they are headed toward the same location in which the Ryu-Rox fail? [b]Krizer:[/b] Corporal? What is the estimated time in which the humans will find Roti? [b]Corporal:[/b] Anywhere, between 5 to 6 hours sir? [b]Krizer:[/b] (Laughs Hysterically)Muwhahahahah, (Fires the hand gun killing the Corporal) I shall now take this time to increase my power, with Roti, Kaioh, and the Earth defenses all focusing on each other the Immortal Realm is defenseless. You there! Get agent Taki on the line immediately. (Change focus to a vid link screen in which Taki has been raised for communication) [b]Taki:[/b] You rang my lord? (Bows) [b]Krizer:[/b] The time of my ascending to a greater power is upon us. Taki! Open the Gates, let me in so that I may indulge in that power. The time of the Immortals is over, for I shall reigns supreme over the physical and spiritual plane! [b]Taki:[/b] As you wish my lord, and what of the immortal council? [b]Krizer:[/b] (Manically) Wipe them out! All of them! I shall be arriving shortly begin our operation immediately! (Walks out of the chamber, focus changes to the remaining Sentran one in particular by the name of Malikite) [b]Malikite:[/b] Krizer has abused his power for too long, his self-ambitions have clouded his logic, and this war is no longer for the good of the Sentran but his own selfish gain. [b]Lieutenant:[/b] What do you have up your sleeve Malikite? [b]Malikite:[/b] The time has come to inform Lord Exodus of Krizer?s treason. [b]Lieutenant:[/b] So it?s true, even Krizer answer to a higher power? [b]Malikite:[/b] A long time ago before even you were born the Sentran were lead by a great and powerful being. In time though, the being was challenged by the first bearer of light and dark! [b]Lieutenant:[/b] So you mean that Krizer?? [b]Malikite:[/b] Lord Exodus turned Krizer to the dark side he is the sole and rightful ruler of the Sentran and of the human world. [b]Lieutenant:[/b] So then how did Krizer come to power sir? [b]Malikite:[/b] Krizer was appointed to be the sovereign of the Sentran, while Lord Exodus expanded his territorial gain of the outer realms. My apologies, but I cannot falter anymore, Krizer is now on his way to the Immortal Realm. I must use this opportunity to take leave to Exodus. [b]Lieutenant:[/b] (Salutes) Sir! (Malikite walks out of Krizer?s Chambers and prepares for his departure towards Exodus flagship) [b][Fade out][/b] Chapter 11: Reclamation of the Soul Part III, Zetasuma of the Mountain! [b][Fade In](We now once again join up with Roti, who is walking through a graveyard of sorts, the trail apparently leads to a mountain range) [b]Roti:[/b] Why did I even agree to do battle against these warriors? Have I grown soft? Why do they not show themselves. (Screams Sadistically) Come out! Mighty Warriors so that I may take your lives, my sword cries for blood to be spilled! (Roti is treated to silence, and finally makes it to the Mountain range) [b]Roti:[/b] Perhaps Michiru was mistaken? I see no great warriors! (Behind Roti, a being literally surfaces from the ground itself) [b]Zetasuma:[/b] So young and yet so foolish. Are you the peasant that disturbs my slumber. (Roti quickly turns around and draws his sword pointing it towards Zetasuma) [b]Roti:[/b] You must be the fabled Zetasuma? A pity but I was expecting a much more formidable opponent and yet again I am treated to an old geezer. Even that senile Rikoshi could take you out. [b]Zetasuma:[/b] So you travel with Rikoshi of the Wave? Are you his understudy? [b]Roti:[/b] Do not compare me to that man, I am not his understudy nor comrade. I am the Rage of the Inferno. Do you have any last request before I take your life! [b]Zetasuma:[/b] A with youth only brute strength is inherited and not brains. Do you have any idea who you are talking to boy. I am Zetasuma of the Mountain, Rikoshi of the wave was my understudy. You stand no chance against my power, for I am even Stronger then Rikoshi! [b]Roti:[/b] (Smirks) Is that suppose to impress me for you see even I have defeated Rikoshi of the wave (Treated to a flashback of when Rikoshi and Roti were younger, as they did battle Roti spared Rikoshi his life.) However instead of killing him, I spare him of his life for unlike most immortals he had a genuine spirit. [b]Zetasuma:[/b] Why did you do that, I thought the Rage of the Inferno spares no one and has no remorse for life itself. Clearly sparing someone?s life is not the way of a manslayer like you? (Change Focus to Michiru waiting by the gates) [b]Michiru:[/b] And so now, the trial of purity begins. Roti has already admitted that not every being lacks a pure spirit. The mental trial is over now begins the physical! (Switch Focus back to Roti and Zetasuma) [b]Roti:[/b] Enough of this banter and rantings prepare yourself, Zetasuma for the end. [b]Zetasuma:[/b] I agree let us communicate our feelings within our swords. But before I begin there are two things that you should know about my fighting style. Unlike Rikoshi who uses water based attacks I draw my power from the mountains and earth itself. [b]Roti:[/b] And the second? [b]Zetasuma:[/b] I?ve decided that, one shall remain unanswered, for I feel that I won?t even need to use that technique to defeat you. [b]Roti:[/b] Remember old man it is not always the most experienced that wins a battle, overconfidence is a warrior?s true downfall. Prepare to DIE! (Roti rushes towards Zetasuma with his sword drawn) [b][end scene][/b] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frankie Posted March 28, 2003 Share Posted March 28, 2003 again... nice.. Its getting interesting... i enjoy this Please post more Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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