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Simpsons funniest quotes...


Guest wgch
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Mine would probably be the one where barts dog is caught in the ventilation system in the school (i think this is the one???) and Super Nintendo Charlmers gets angry and fires skinner. This is the quote:

Principle Skinner: 'Did you just call me a liar...'

Nintendo Chalmers: 'No...i said your fired'

Principle Skinner: 'Oh....thats much worse'

Hehe, mannn that is funny when u watch it.
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This is suppose to be in the Movie tv or whatrever it's called.ANd it's Superintendent Chalmers not SUper Nintendo Chalmers Lol.

Here's one from the Halloween Special

Homer: Take me!!!

Zombies: Brains Brains.....*taps on Homer's Head and walks away from Homer*

LOL!!!! When the Zombies taps his head it's HOLLOW!

Here's another one from the same episode

[i] Homer shoots the Flander Zombie [/i]

Bart: Homer,you killed the Flander Zombie!

Homer: He was a Zombie?
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Homer:

"Keep looking shocked and move slowly towards the cake." - Homer's brain after Skinner admits he's an impostor

"You tried your best, and you failed, miserably. The lesson is: never try."

"I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!"

I WANNA SHAKE OFF THE DUST OF THIS ONE HORSE TOWN.
I WANNA WATCH TV IN A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I WANNA VISIT STRANGE AND EXOTIC MALLS.
I'M SICK OF EATING HOAGIES!
I WANT A GRINDER, A SUB, A FOOT LONG HERO!
I WANT TO LIVE MARGE!
WON'T YOU LET ME LIVE?
WON'T YOU, PLEASE
-Homer

Snake:

"Joe, um, I must've, like, fallen on a bullet and it, like, drove itself into my gut.

Grandpa:

Grandpa: Now, my story begins in 19-dickety-two. We had to say "dickety" 'cause that Kaiser had stolen our word "twenty". I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-six miles...
Martin: "Dickety"? Highly dubious!
Grandpa: What're you cackling at, fatty? Too much pie, that's your problem!

-S.W.
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Ah, simpsons, so funny.

*The puppy puts its front paws up on the TV and everyone goes "Awwww"then the cat runs up and does it and Homer shouts "Get that DAMN CAT OUTTA THE WAY!"*
LMAO! Ah that was great.

There is so many more, when i remeber/see more i'll post 'em.
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[color=red][b]
Ralph: My cats breath smells like cat food

Ralph: I'm a Dog

Ralph: I'm Idaho

Martin: *dancing and singing* Ring ring ring goes the trolly, ding ding ding goes the bell-" *Nelson walks up to him and punches him in the gut*

Miss Hoover: Ralph, are you eating paste?
Ralph: *with paste stick in mouth* No Miss. Hoover.[/b][/color]
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[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by wgch [/i]
[B]Super Nintendo Charlmers[/B][/QUOTE]
Heh, yes that [i]was[/i] a great quote Ralph said, wasn't it? ;)

I can't think of any other really funny quotes right now, but when I do, I'll edit this post.
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[COLOR=red][SIZE=1][FONT=arial]



Bart: I am going to take up smoking then stop
Homer: Good for you, boy. Quitting is hard. Have a dollar.
Lisa: But he didn't do anything!
Homer: Didn't he Lisa, didn't he? Hey wait, he didn't!

Homer: You put the beer in the coconut and driiink it all up! You put the beer in the coconut and throw the can away.
[i]Throws a beer can over the shoulders and it hits Ned[/i]
Ned: Hoooomer!
Homer:And throw the can away
[i]Trys to throw another can, but he doesnt have another one and he looks at his hand, confused.[/i]
Ned: I said Hooomer!

Those are my two favorite *Conversations*:D[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
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[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by DarkOrderKnight [/i]
[B]I swear this get's done once every few months... ;)

[b]Ralph-[/b] "It tastes like burning!" [/B][/QUOTE]

[color=red][b]NOOO!!! I knew I forgot a Ralph quote! I love that one. It is used after school lunch almost everyday that they serve something odd.[/b][/color]
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[COLOR=darkblue]:D! Remember the submarine/naval reserve episode?

[i]At the U.N....[/i]

Russian official: "The Soviet Union will be pleased to offer amnesty to your wayward vessel."

American official: "Soviet Union? We thought you guys broke up."

Russian official: "Yes, that's what we wanted you to think!" [i]Laughs and presses button.

Everything changes in Russia, IE: Berlin wall jumps out of the ground, Lenin comes back to life and breakes through glass.[/i]

[b]Lenin: "GRRR! MUST CRUSH CAPITALISM GRRR!!"[/b]
[/COLOR]
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Naval Episode:
Drill Sargent: Okay. Let's get one thing straight. I don't like you, and you don't like me.
Homer: I like you.
Drill Sargent: Well I don't like you.
Homer: Maybe you'd like me if you got to know me better.

Homer: Save me Jebus!
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Duffman can't breathe! OH NO!

Duffman Is THRUSTING in the direction of the problem

Are you ready to get DUFFED?

New feelings brewing in Duffman

Titania:Ewww! You said if I slept with you I wouldn't have to touch the drunk!

Duffman: DUFFMAN SAYS ALOTTA THINGS! O YEAH!

Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel.

Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."

Krusty: Where's the producer I want to talk about this coffee
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Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."

LMAO! that's a classic, um i found some more:

"Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal:

You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done."

Bart: You there! Put your hands up!
Ned: Me? Okay...
Bart: Now, drop your pants!
Ned: But my hands are up!
Bart: Hula out of them!
Ned: Alright officer...

Moe: Uh, hey, everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt
Oh, wait a minute...
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These are all really funny, but this is my ALL TIME favourite....

Lisa just joined a hockey team full of boys, and Homer take Lisa into the changing room.

Homer - 'Now, I don't want ANYONE is treat Lisa differently, just because she is giiiiiiiirrrrlll, because that is wrong....

*Homer looks at the little podgy boy, that exchange student guy, you know him, But I can't remember his name, who is wearing only his underpants*

Homer - 'Hee! That boy has bosoms, gimme a wet towel, come here bosom boy!'

*Homer chases Exchange student around whipping his butt with the towel*

Exchange Student - 'Don't make me run, I'm full of chocolate'

HeeHee LMAO... It is so funny! It actually had me on the floor laughing! :laugh:
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Sadly these are completely from my friend and my own memory... lol.

Homer: Purple is a fruit.

---------------------------

Reverend Lovejoy: Once something has been approved by the Government, It's no longer immoral.

---------------------------

Bart: Come on Milhouse, there?s no such thing as a soul! It?s just something they made up to scare kids, like the Boogie Man or Michael Jackson.

---------------------------

Mr. Burns: Smithers! There's a rocket in my pocket.
Smithers: You dont have to tell me, sir.

---------------------------

Bart: We have to go to that show.
Lisa: To get those tickets our parents would have to be part of Springfield's cultural elite.
Homer: Can you believe Flanders threw out a perfectly good toothbrush?
.... ... ... Eew...

---------------------------

Marge: Homer, I've got someone here who can help.
Homer: Is it Batman?
Marge: No, it's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist.
Marge: It's not Batman!

---------------------------

Lisa: Dad, I think he's an ivory dealer. His boots are ivory, his hat is ivory, and I'm pretty sure that check is ivory.
Homer: Lisa, a guy who's got lots of ivory is less likely to hurt Stampy than a guy whose ivory supplies are low.

---------------------------

Beekeeper: very clever Mr.. Simpson. Luring our bees here with your giant sugar pile then selling them back to us at an inflated price.
Beekeeper #2: Simpson, you diabolical! We will pay you two thousand for the swarm. what do you say?
Homer: Bees are on the what now?

---------------------------

Marge: I do feel bad about the starving children.
Homer: Don't feel bad, they're with God now.

---------------------------

Homer: Don't worry, getting eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep... in a giant blender.

---------------------------

Newsman (not sure if it was Kent Brockman): This just in: Homer Simpson sleeps naked in an oxygen tent which he believes gives him sexual powers.
Homer: Hey! That's a half-truth!

---------------------------

Homer (reading Fortune Cookie): You will recieve a compliment from an attractive co-worker. *Gasp* Lenny??

---------------------------

Karl (Homer's temp secretary):Homer, don't you believe in yourself? Homer: Sort of.
Karl: Come on, I want you answer me with more self confidence.
Homer: SORT OF!!!!

---------------------------

Homer: Bart, I'm not asking you to give blood for free. That would be crazy! You may not realize it now, but when you save a rich guy's life, he showers you with riches! Don't you know the story of Hercules and the Lion?
Bart: Is it a Bible story?
Homer: Yeah, probably... Anyway, once upon a time, there was a big-mean lion who got a thorn in his paw. All the villagers tried to pull it out, but nobody was strong enough, so they got Hercules and he used his mighty strength, and bingo! Anyway, the moral is: is that the lion was so happy, that he gave Hercules this big... thing... of riches!
Bart: How did a lion get riches?
Homer: It was the olden days!
Bart: Oh!

---------------------------

Homer: Hey Bartally-boobily, care for a steak-a-rooni?
Bart: Okally dokally dear old duddily-doodily!
Homer. Heh heh... Duddily-doodily.

---------------------------

Marge: Aren't you going to perform the last rites?
Rev. Lovejoy: That's Catholic, Marge. You might as well ask me to do a voodoo dance.

---------------------------

McBain: The movie is just me standing in front of a brick wall for two and a half hours. It cost 80 million dollars.
Jay Sherman: How do you sleep at night?!
McBain: On top of a pile of money with many beautiful ladies.
Jay Sherman: Just asking.. jeesh!

---------------------------

Lisa: Aunt Selma, this may be presumptuous, but have you ever considered artificial insemination?
Homer: Boy, I don't know. You'd have to be pretty desperate to make it with a robot! (Marge whispers something in his ear) ..I knew that.

---------------------------

Homer: Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?
Apu: Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.
Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.

---------------------------

Sideshow Mel: It's like a hootenanny in my mouth!

---------------------------

Sideshow Mel: He's kicking it OLD school!

---------------------------

Marge: My name is Marge Simpson and I have an idea. It may sound a little boring at first...
Mayor Quimby: Chat away. I'll just amuse myself with some pornographic playing cards.

---------------------------

Homer (talking over explosions from the basement): Kablamo! Oh excuse me Marge, it must have been that BEAN I had for dinner.

---------------------------

Bart: I've been working for that old hag for 2 weeks, and all I got was 50 cents.
Homer: You know boy, back when I was your age 50 cents was a lot of money.
Bart: Really?
Homer: Nah.


Phew.
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[COLOR=blue][I]Here are some of what I think are the most classic lines:

Scully-"ok Homer this is a simple lie detecter. It will determine whether or not you're telling the truth. Do you understand?
Homer-"Yes"
(lie detecters flashes and beeps red light, then explodes.)
______

Marge-"Now Homer don't you eat this pie."
Homer-"Ok pie, I'm going to be doing this (bites air), and if you get in the way, it's your own fault.(walks towards pie biting air, then hits head). OW!! OH THAT HURT, oh what the heck."(eats pie).
______
(less classic lines)
Ralph- "Miss Hoover, there's a dog in the vent."
Hoover-"Ralph, remember the time you said snagglepus was outside?"
Raplh-"He was trying to use the bathroom."
______
(after the springfield dam breaks and floods the town)
Ralph-"I think I wet my bed".[/COLOR][/I]
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Guest QuickSilver
Moleman quotes

Moleman: You took four minutes of my life and i want them back, oooooo i will only waste them anyway.

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Moleman: hello, this is moleman in the morning, good Moleman to you. Today part four of the agonising pain in which i live everyday.

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Moleman: cowabunga dudes

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Moleman: Q P C question mark smiley face

------------------------------------------------------------

Moleman: drinking as ruined my life, i am only 31 years old.
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