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Simpsons funniest quotes...


Guest wgch
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(When Bart becomes Mr. Burns' heir- he runs away and Homer tries to get him back)
Homer: What are you going to do, huh? Release the hounds? Or the bees? or the hounds with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?
(Burns, Smithers and Bart go inside)
Homer: He locked the door! Well, we'll see about that! (Rings the doorbell and runs away)
---------------
(When Lisa and Bart work at the old folk's home and take everyone on a boat trip. A massive boat crashes through the hull of their ship)
(To captain)Lisa: How could you miss that ship?
Captain: Arr. Two glass eyes.
---------------
Bart: (Groans painfully) My ovaries!
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Here are 2 Moe classics !

Moe : Antta Shower , people Anitta Shower . Wait .....

Moe : Anitta Hug , hello, Anitta Hug . Hey you guy over there , Anitta Hug . Come on people Anitta Hug . Wait its you , if I ever find you I'll slit your throat then I'll ..... ( Bart and Lisa ) Ha ha ha ha ha heeeeeeeeee hahahahah

Heh , those were classics :)
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B:My name is barney _______, and I have a problem.

L:Ah barney, this is a girl scout meeting.

B:Is it that, or is it that you wouln't admit you have a problem.

Thats just one, there are far too many for me to list, But... "I will be back"
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My favorite quote is kind of obscure and doesn't come from a major player in the series. But, it's really memorable.

It was the episode when ex-president George Bush moved into the mansion across the street from the Simpson family. The Simpsons were having a yard sale, and one of their junk items was a jacket that read "Disco Stu" on the back, because Homer ran out of room and couldn't fit "Disco Stud."

Soon enough, an unamed character says to a man dressed in seventies clothing, "Hey, you should buy this jacket Stu," and he replies "Disco Stu doesn't advertise."
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Homer: "hmmmm, pistol whip."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Burns: "this is a secretion from the pocket fox, a creature that existed for three weeks in the sixteenth century."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marge: "We're not sending him to some snobby school!"
Captain: "arrrgh. Then, do you have any spare change?"
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Here's one I remember. Its from the episode that Lisa thinks she is geting dumber by the day:

Bart: Wait a minute, you're telling me I'm gonna be a failure?
Homer: Yes, Son. A Spectaculiar failure

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Homer (to bart): Why aren't you helping anyone?
Bart (in a whiny voice): I'LL DO IT THIS AFTERNOON!!
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This is the episode where Homer tries to remember what the ski instructor said.....

Ski Instructor: If something happens---

Ned: It feels i'm wearing nothing at all!!!*goes closer to his butt*nothing at all!!! *closer to the butt*nothing at all!!! *closer to the butt*nothing at all!!! *closer to the butt*

Homer: STUPID SEXY FLANDERS!!!!*does the splits* ahhhh!!!!the pain!!!! *gets his crotch hit by the pile of snow* *Homer Cries and 4 more piles of snow hit his crotch*

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the most newest Halloween Episode....

Lisa: Hey it's Mr.Burns!!!!

Bart: With Fox Additude!!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the Behind the Scene TV show....

Narrorator: The simpson goes to Channels to Channels,but....they never got passed the guards.

[i] It shows Homer getting blocked by the guards and the other Guards stares at every closed channel gates[/i]

Marge: Luckily,my hair designer was the President of FOX!

Later....

[i] Homer writes hs name like Kindergarten.So does the President of FOX [/i]
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ralph: No,Lisa is in---

Lisa: GOO!!!!!!

[i] THe car left really fast before Ralph can say what grade Lisa was in[/i]

Ralph: How come people run away from me?*Pees in his pants*
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[color=blue][size=1]Oh, don't get me started on Simpsons quotes...but, it's weird, whenever someone starts talking about Simpsons quotes, I forget the ones I know...^_^

Lisa: Dad, I don't understand. What is she saying you did?
Homer: Well, Lisa, remember that postcard that Grampa sent us from Florida of that alligator biting that woman's bottom?
Bart: Oh, yeah. That was brilliant
Homer: That's right, we all had a good laugh. But it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harassing that woman

Ralp: When I grow up, I want to be a principal...or a caterpillar

Homer: You mean I'm on my own? I've never been on my own. Oh no! On own! On own! I need help. Oh, God help me! Help me, God!

Homer: I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, evil stuff. And I want in.

Lisa: Well, maybe you could reach out to the community and help other people.
Homer: Hmmmm. I could help others. I'll get a bunch of monkeys, dresss 'em up, and make 'em reenact the Civil War! Heh heh heh!
Lisa: Dad, that doesn't help people!
Homer: Couldn't hurt. Unless the monkeys started hurting people. Which they almost certainly would.
(Come on, people. Any quote that incorporates Simpsons and monkeys is hillarious ;))

Ok, that's all I can think of right now...[/size][/color]
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This is from the most recent episode I've seen, the one about the reality series:

[i] Homer pounds on a one-way mirror, which has a room with a bunch of TV executives in it[/i]

Homer: Wheres that boy with my Latte?[i]slowly collapses to the ground[/i] He not coming, is he? IS HE??

I loved that episode
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[COLOR=red][SIZE=1][FONT=arial]


I just remembered a few!



Jimbo and the gang walk up to the Simpson's house (it has a circus like tent over it because it is being sprayed for something)

"Hey, you guys! Its a circus! Lets sneak in!"

Jimbo says and they walk in. Seconds later and man in a suit is dragging them out by the collars while they are "doo dooing" the circus themesong.

That was hilarious.


Home is talking to the cast that has been turned into animals.

"How could you like this? All yoiu do is sit around all day, mate, eat, mate, eat and"

Turns to Doc. Hibbert

"Where do I sign up?"

And then seconds later Home(Walrus) is sitting on a beach chair and he is extreamly fat, Lisa flys up to him and asks,

"So, dad. Whats it like being a Walrus?"

Homer replies,

"Its great! I haven't been this skinny since High School!"

I laughed my arse off after that episode.


Last one:

Bart is sitting at school trying to do a test but he looks up at Ms. Krabapple and sees her transform into a weatherman who makes himself throw up in a bucket. He stares around his class and sees his classmates turning into random TV people/cartoons (including a horribly drawn Pikachu:laugh: ) And then a Clown turns around from the desk in front of him starts laughing and says,

"Its finally happened, Bart! You've lost your mind!"


Oh my god. I was shedding tears after that episode^^


Thats all for now![/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
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Reality TV Episode again....

Homer: Finally i'm not a slave to sheck(Or something) shaving.

[i] Homer's paper on around his mouth poured out blood[/i]

AAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!

The exterminator: To kill bugs,you need to think like one and act like one.

[i] The exterminator starts to eat the wooden tab;e [/i]

Marge: Why do you pick the cheesiest person?

Homer: I go by how funny the signs are *laughs out loud at the sign that says "(A) Bug's Death"


lol,that made me laughing out tears.
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This isn't from the show (at least I don't think it is) but in The Simpsons:Roadrage, when Homer picks somebody up, sometimes he says "Come her. I have candyyyyyyyy."Also, when you pick Milhouse up sometimes he says" It's time to spend my mom's alamoney." lol. It may not sound funny here, but in the game, it's hysterical
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I just remembered one. This is from the episode where Homer is a police for hire guy with Lenny and Carl. When he's in bed with Marge, he says "You know I've had a lot of different jobs.*lists through them. This literally takes half a minute. While Homer's listing, Marge gets up and puts curlers in her hair, and Homer's still not done*"But out of all of them, I think I like helping people the best." lol. Again, it's not funny coming from me, but on the T.V. show it's funny. Also, when Homer makes some clone Homers, one of them tries to choke Homer. The other clone Homers pull him off. Then Homer says "It would take three clone Homer's to beat the origianl Homer."*clone Homers start smiling*Then Homer says "I mean four."Then the clone Homers look down and moan. "Lastly, when Homer drives all the clone Homers out to the corn field to set them loose, he asks "Does anyone remember the way home?"*two clones raise their hands and Homer shoots them*Then Homer asks,"Any more? Come on......" *another clone Homer raises his hand and Homer shoots him*
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Guest dudette
Here's a couple:

Homer: No T.V. and no beer make Homer something, something.
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if I do. (starts going nuts)

------

Bart: Go apple!
Nelson: Go orange!
Ralph: Go banana!

-----

McBain: Maybe you all are homosexuals!
Crowd: Booooooooooooooooooooooooo!

-----

Homer: Mmm beer.

Thats all I can think of now.
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[COLOR=blue][I]I've forgotten if these quote have already been put up.

Skinner-"I know you can read my thoughts Bart. And if I find out you skipped school, your *** is mine. That's right. I think words I don't usually say.
Homer-"I know you can hear MY thoughts boy. Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow.

Hehe, classic.

YEAH!! This is my 100th post.[/COLOR][/I]
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Here's some .

marge: " Homey, lets get out of here, this town's a party town."
homer: "WOO HOO , SPRING BREAK !!!

and

during the spring break episode the chick puts her boobs on Marges car , she says " Get 'em off the windows ! Get 'em off the windows !!! "

lol , those were really funny. I was on the ground that whole episode ^_^ >_<

edit : I just thought of some

Homer: " Hi , my name is Mr . Burns . I believe you have a letter for me . "

man:" OK Mr . Burns, what is your first name ? "

homer: " I don't know. "
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