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Simpsons funniest quotes...


Guest wgch
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When there was gonna be a crossover with simpsons and the critic episode:

Tv: Next is when the Jetson meets the Flinstones.
Bart: Ah Oh I sense another cheap cartoon crossover again.
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The episode when Mr. Burns got shot and the police put a lie detector on Moe:
Cops: Okay Moe what were you going to do that night when Mr. Burns got shot.
Moe: I was about to go **** off to a Victoria Secrets magazine.
(Lie detector starts to jump frantically)
Moe: Okay fine to a Sears catalog.
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Guest butterfly
ralph: it tastes like burning
can't remember what he ate, though.

and another thing he ate

miss hoover: ok, everyone get out their sticks and glue
ralph: miss hoover, i don't have any glue
miss hoover: ralph, did you eat your glue again?
ralph looks up with a glue stick in his mouth

oh i love ralph, he is so funny

and

when homer is on his side on the ground, spinning around in a circle like a mad man and sreaming something crazy.
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The leader episode

Marge: That is my husband your taking away!

Man: Well he's our husband now.

That Quote really freaked me out.

The lemon tree episode.

Bart: The one who is in diguise is...BART SIMPSON!!!

*The shelbyville kids are confused*

Bart: FROM SPRINGFIELD?!

Kid: Lets get him!

*Bart tries to escape by aiming the paint spray at the ground.*

Bart: Uh oh

*escapes by stealing Kid's skateboard*
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from the episode where the advertisments come to life

Lisa-*to the crowd of people* DON'T LOOK AT THEM!!!
*everyone stops looking except homer, because the donut boy is waving his giant donut in front of hmer

homer-mmmmmmmmmmmmm donut........

lisa- Dad stop looking stop!!!*homer turns away the little donut boy frowns and falls to the ground*

this one is in every episode

*homer does something stupid*
homer-DOH!!!

the episode when bart gets a babysitter
*bart makes a prank phone call and moe threatens him*
Moe-when i find out who you are im gonna carve be name in your back with an ice pick
Bart- mty name is jimbo and i live*says his address*

*moe grabs the pick and leaves the tavern and shows up and barts house chasing jimbo around barts house*

how did you guys remember so many?!?!?!?!
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i personally am partial to:

Duffman: Duffman never dies,...only the actors who play him.

* * * *

from the episode where homer runs away from a duel and invents tomaco (tomato/tabacco)

Ralph: eww, these taste bad. can i have some more

* * * *

from the episode where they meet john (a gay man) and homer freaks and tries to prevent bart from becoming gay. the scene where all are eating at a diner (except homer) and smither's walks up to them and says to john, "so this is your sick mother"

john: not here waland.

i know a lot more, just can't remember.
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Ralph: "Why does everyone run from me?" *wets pants*

Ralph: "Hehe. Dying tickles."

Ralph: "Oh boy, sleep! That's where I'm a viking!"

Ralph: "Me fail English? That's unpossible!"

Ralph: "Daddy, these rubber pants are hot."

Ralph: "Look, big daddy, it's regular daddy."

Ralph: "This is my sandbox, I'm not allowed to go in the deep end."

Ralph: "Daddy, I'm scared. Too scared to even wet my pants."
Chief Wiggum: "Just relax and it'll come, son."

Ralph: "Slow down, Bart! My legs don't know how to be as long as yours."

Ralph: "You're King David! I love you 'cause you kill people."

Ralph: "Eww, Daddy, this tastes like Gramma!"
Chief Wiggum: " You're right, this does taste like Gramma."

Ralph: "Mr. Flanders, you're blinded-ed."

Ralph: "Mr. Army Man, I can't sleep without my Reggie Rabbit!"
Principal Skinner: "Then here, this will do."
Hands Ralph a scouring pad.
Ralph: "It's cold and hurty."

Ralph: "I can't breathe good and it's making me sleepy."

Comic Book Guy:"Oh Jar Jar, everyone hates you but me."

Homer: "Dudududududududu Fishing*!" *To the tune of the Batman theme song.

Homer: "Dudududududududu Batman, I mean, Leader!"

Homer: "I get knocked down, I get knocked down again, you ain't never gonna knock me down!"
College Girl: "Oooo, a party house."
Keg goes crashing through window.
Homer: "Where's my keg?"
Lisa: "Mom's not going to like this."
College Girl: "Who's mom?"
Lisa: "Oh, that's, um, what we call the gay guy who lives with us."
Homer: "I take a whiskey drink, I take a choclate drink, and when I have to pee, I use the kitchen sink.Everytime I here this song, it reminds me of a urinating man!!"

That's the best conversation ever.
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The episode with the man named John [spoiler] to anyone who highlighted this:Thats my name[/spoiler] and Homer thinks he's gay.

Bart: Why did you take me to a Factory with Gay guys?

Homer: I don't know!!!


In the episode where Lisa becomes a [strike]buddist[/strike]

Richard Gear: These guys don't know how to meditate

Lenny: Who wears short shorts?

Karl: I wear short shorts.
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hehehe, love them all

Here be a few more.
When Marge is at the road rage school.
"Keep your merciless rage where it belongs, at home."

When Homer gets a job working for Scorpio.
"Hey on you're way out, if you would kill anyone for me, that would be a great help."
Also
"MY GOD! The 59th street bridge!"
"Maybe it just collapsed on it's own"
"We can't take that chance."
"You always say that, I want to take a chance."
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Guest QuickSilver
Heres one from the Episode where Apu cheats on his wife.

lenny: Pow, Pow

Carl: Bang, Bang

Moe: Hit with stick, hit with stick.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Skinner: this is all wrong, Dead people stop playing cards, The southern General werent on roller blades.

Disco Stu: The South will boogie again.
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