Writing Auspice Flaw--My l'il speech

[Mitch]

[color=red][size=1] Well, we had to make up our own product and do a infomercial type of thingie with it. This would be the result. I haven't given it yet, but it's only a day away--Friday. Bleh.[/size]

[i]Auspice Flaw[/i]
By: Mitchell Smith

What's the thing wrong with us all? What is it? Is it there? Is it anywhere? Ah, but it's here (points to head). But wait, what about here (points to heart). No, no, no, it's our flaws. Our very obtainable, holdable flaws. Those are what make us human. Those, they are what make us us. And haven't you always wondered, always pondered what it would be if flaws really were true, if they really, really, were us, and we pushed all else aside, leaving our raw and crushing flaws in plain view for pain to be caused, and for pain to be seen? Ah, then Auspice Flaw is for you, my friend.

A casual gift for the prankster-in-the-making, an experiment for yours and mine. Auspice flaw is that, and it's so much more. So very much more. Animal tested, insanely and patentedly approved, it's a magical perfume in disguise, a prank for those who've longed a sigh. It's a brew, bewitched and mystic, mysterious and wonderous. Once sprayed, it acts within the pheromones, creating a very negative stimulus in the central nervous system, causing an intense sense of unceasing pressure and nostalgia. This pressure is Auspice Flaw in its awe-inducing work. The pressure's then concocted with another instantaneous reaction happening parallelly, the nerves all about the inflicted tightening, keeling, and crunching with pain and spasm, causing even that much more stress.

This gigantic influx of raw and scarring stress, in most cases, causes the victim's flaws to immediately directify themselves in an anxiety forced anger. This seemingly endless supply of anger is, in most cases, depending upon the dosage, bloodily violent. It is only recommended to spray no more than three sprays upon one person at a time. It is also very highly stressed that you run a full and complete three feet away from the victim once sprayed. Also, in many rare, sparse cases there have been side effects, and even allergic reactions. It is very extremely recommended that you first read thoroughly the label on your container of Auspice Flaw before use.

What's it made up of, you ask? What is it that makes it all happen, that makes it all work? Most of it is very secretive, and I cannot disclose much of it. But what I can tell you is that it is a very tried-and-true process which makes Auspice Flaw Auspice Flaw. And of course, it is mainly composed of water. Along with the water, many different kinds of scented herbs, and mystical plants and other goodies are put into the process. Then, all of these ingredients are then scrunched all together, and soaked in a large bowl of distilled water for over one year. And of course, after all of this processing, it is delivered, and used by you, our tired-and-true customers.

Auspice Flaw's been widely successful since it's first release. It's won many numerous awards, including the hotly coveted, widely cherished, Best New Prankster Gadget Award at the yearly Technology Festival. Along with many other awards, Auspice Flaw's grown a fanatic cult following upon first being released in 2001. Coil all of that with the newly released, more potent, more fun, Ultra Auspice Flaw, which opened this year to countless record-breaking sales, and you've got one heck of a product nipping at your heels.

And don't you just want to go out, and try this product? To have it for your own abuse? Ah, you say, too expensive? Well, then, I've got just the deal for you. Just the dilliest deal. What if I were to tell you I'd sell you over a five-months supply of Auspice Flaw for a one-time price of only two payments of $24.99? Eh, you take me for a liar? Well, what if I were to throw in our more highly flaw-inducing, more head-pooshing new Ultra Auspice Flaw? Then don't delay, pick up that phone right away, and dial 222-3333. That's 222-3333. And make those flaws be laws, by golly God![/color]