Writing daddys girl

[941_1432310904]

Daddy's girl spinning and laughing in
Denim overalls, loose at the hem as always.


Running freely, inspecting blades
Of grass, peeling sections created by
Ridges. Discovering ladybugs crawling,
Oblivious to a giant's shadow.


Shoelaces untied, tripping over own words,
Trying to spill it out in a massive jumble.


Scooped up by Daddy's big, strong hands,
On top of the world on broad shoulders,
Never thinking of the danger of falling.


Surroundings mixed in a picturesque
Kaleidoscope, swirling azure pool
With emerald grass and ladybugs.


Erupting with laughter seated deep
Within the belly, infinite rapture.
Daddy's girl-perfect.


Now the world is spinning, but I am not
Laughing with it. Life's seams loose at the
Hems, splitting, fraying as always.


Running in circles, inspecting own self
Worth and metallic edges. Not quite
Oblivious anymore to the giant's shadow,
Transformed into meaningless ladybug.


No more rough, gentle hands to scoop
Me up and hold me close, to put on
Broad shoulders and let me reach the sky.


Daddy's girl fading away with the ladybug,
Into the soft blades of grass, ready to be
Peeled apart and forgotten.

Discovering each oak and the mystery it hold
On top of Daddy's shoulders only six years old
Seeing the wide world from the eyes of a giant
Able to feel the sky's edges, hold a star to define it
Silent as a whisper as Daddy sings to me:
"As long as I'm living my baby you'll be."


Times have changed so fast for me
Years and pages turn so suddenly
How I were I were still Daddy's little girl
On top of his shoulders, on top of the world.


No longer a little girl, crunching leaves in autumn
Carrying hardship and fear, tears yeah I got em
Longing to be six again, worries like foggy mornings
Pain trickles through delicate skin without warning.
Moonrise ever present, hovering over my red eyes
Darkness suffocating me, smothering my soft sighs.


Times have changed so fast for me
Years and pages turn so suddenly
How I were I were still Daddy's little girl
On top of his shoulders, on top of the world.


Grown up too soon, life's cruel lessons learned young
Alone in reality with my tears and my bitten tongue
Wrapped up with an artificial light to keep me warm
My security blanket now's tattered and torn.
Daddy's little girl faded away without so much as goodbye
How I wish you'd hold me now, Daddy, wipe the tears

[conpiracymonki]

[b][size=1]....

[i]..woah[/i]...that was very detailed. I don't really know what else to say..[/b]
[quote]
How I [u]were[/u] I were still Daddy's little girl
-[i]12th paragraph thingy[/i][/quote]
[b]^_^[/b][/size]

[vegeta rocker]

This reminds me off that story about a mother and son. She used to rock him and say my baby you'll be. Then when he grew up he would hold and rock her and say my mother you'll always be.

[DKsAngel]

hmm its pretty good and very detailed, details are good though.

[Bing]

[size=1][color=darkblue]God, that's a really...detailed poem. Your work always impresses me, and you have a great and deep thought program running in your head. Where do you get your inspiration from, or is it all just imaginaery?[/color][/size]

[Mitch]

[color=red] As [strike]A[/strike]jeh pointed out, you used some wrong words for the line's structure, which, I'm not sure purposeful or not, detracted from my overall experience of the poem.

But, that was really good. Very good, in fact. Much improved over your other works you've posted. So, I'd give you about a 7.8/10 (An 8/10 if you were to fix the mistakes). Keep 'em coming.[/color]