Dragon Warrior Posted January 29, 2003 Share Posted January 29, 2003 I wrote it a while back for drama and English class. So, I think you'll like it. If you watched the Indiana Jones and the Last crusade movie recently, you'll love it even more. (by the way, for those of you that don't know, my name is Gavin ;) ) [B]Indiana Gavin and the Last Croissant[/b] The train roared on into the night, but let?s not get ahead of ourselves. Earlier before this, three men were digging in the heart of a murky cave. ?You sure we?ll find it here, Boss?? one man asked. ?Of course we?ll find it.? His boss replied then sniffed the air. ?I can smell it.? His henchmen sniffed as well, then plugged their noses in response. ?Eww?? ?Shut up and keep digging!? The Boss ordered. They shoveled through the mounds of dirt ?til they saw the corner of a rusty kid?s lunch box. ?Here it is! Dig, boys! Dig!? And so they did. The lunch box was the most beautiful thing they had ever seen even though it looked like it was 400 years old in which it was. They took a crowbar to it and cracked it open not knowing that it was not locked nor the lid wasn?t jammed. During this occasion, two shadows lurk in the depths. It was Indiana Gavin and his loyal friend, Weswood. They could hear the men in the cave and came to investigate. Indiana went o one side of the cave where the three men were and Weswood went to the other. They peered down at the characters with the lunchbox. ?This is it, boys!? cried the leader. ?This is it! Ha, ha!? They reached their hands in the lunchbox and carefully raised a moldy croissant from it?s niche. Flies swarmed as the 2 other henchmen danced around gaily. ?We?re rich!? they bellowed, but were bonked on the head by their boss. ?Quiet, you idiots. I hear someone.? Indiana bit his lip and hushed Weswood. Weswood didn?t know what he was saying, though. ?I said,? Indiana repeated in a hush voice, ?Don?t let them know we?re here. Be quiet!? Weswood put a hand to his ear and gestured for Indiana to repeat louder. Indiana sighed and yelled, ?DON?T LET THEM KNOW WE?RE HERE! BE QUIET!? That?s when the 3 men noticed them. Weswood nodded. ?Okay!? Indiana slapped his forehead and got up. ?Run, Forest! Run! I mean, Run Weswood! Run!? Weswood did while Indiana Gavin jumped down to the 3 punks. ?Hey! Look over there! It?s me not stealing this croissant from you.? The 3 men looked and Indie ran off with the moldy pastry. The boss turned around and shouted in anger. ?Get him!? Indiana ran down the rocky mountain side and jumped down onto his horse and rode off. The men, unfortunately, were not too far behind. But Indiana was smart. Well, not that smart, but smart enough to lose those punks by jumping on a train. Only the boss was able to follow. Soon, the two stood on the train?s roof alone. Yes. Like at the beginning. Oddly, it?s not night, though. Anyways, they were there. ?Hand over the croissant, boy!? the boss urged. ?Never! It belongs in somebody?s stomach!? ?How about mine?? ?No. That?s not how it works.? ?Ah, man. Well, I?m afraid I?ll have to take it by force.? ?Yeah. I saw that one coming.? Suddenly ninjas appeared out of nowhere. ?Oh c?mon! Ninjas? Not ninjas.? ?I?m sorry. I ran out of useless henchmen that only know how to not kill things.? ?Well, I?ll let it slide this time.? ?Thanks. NOW DIE!? The ninjas started fighting, but Indiana was too good for the,. This called for drastic measures. The ninjas took out a sub and started eating it while fighting Indiana. There soon was too many of them for Indiana and he had to make a run for it. The ninjas chased him down the train, but he fell through the roof of one cart and collapsed to the floor of a lion?s cage. It roared loudly and Indiana backed away. He looked around the room for a weapon to defend himself. There was a machine gun, a bazooka, a few medieval swords, acid spray, a lion-killing machine. Stuff like that. Then he laid eyes on a whip. ?A whip! Alright!? He picked it up and whipped the lion?s nose. ?Ow!? the lion cried. ?That really hurts!? And then he broke into tears. ?I?m sorry.? Indiana apologized. ?I didn?t mean to hurt you.? ?Well, you did.? ?Look, I?ll be right back. I?ll get a band aid and a lollipop. You?ll be just fine.? And with that, Indiana Gavin climbed out of the cart and right into the arms of the boss of those bad people. ?Well look who it is.? ?Let go of me!? Indiana cried. ?Okay.? He just did just like that and Indiana jumped from the train and escaped. The boss walked to the end of the train and said, ?Man, that was a good sub.? Indiana got home and ran into his father?s room, Mickey Gavin. ?Father! Father! Look!? ?Quiet, Billy.? ?Umm? it?s Indiana.? ?Quiet!? That?s when some ninjas appeared and beat Indiana up while Mickey just did his paperwork. The ninjas started stabbing Indiana while Mickey fixed a picture on his wall. The ninjas started using Indiana as a jump rope as Mickey petted some kittens. Then the boss walked in through the doors. He took the croissant out of the limp hand of Indiana. ?Face it kid. We won. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Hm.? ?I?ll get it back. You?ll see.? 15 years later? He got it back. After getting it back, he went to his home to talk to his good friend, Westery. ?So, you got back the croissant?? Westery asked. ?Yes. The very last one. I?ve been waiting fifteen years for this.? And with that, he ate the croissant that was 415 years old. Then he had to use the restroom. The very next day, Indiana Gavin was summoned by a mysterious man. When he got to this man?s house, he was surprised to find it was Ben Franklin. ?Aren?t you dead?? he asked. ?Come on in.? Ben replied with a grin. They stepped inside and seated themselves in the living room. Many artifacts lay about the area. ?Nice place you?ve got here.? Indiana had to admit. ?I try.? Ben replied. ?Or do you?? ?What?? ?You heard me.? ?Okay? have a look at this, Mr. Gavin.? ?Alright? what is it?? ?Well, I thought you out of anyone would recognize a ham sandwich.? ?Well, it is my favorite.? ?Now put the sandwich down and have a look at these inscriptions printed onto this paper.? ?Let me see.? Indiana investigated the markings on the piece of paper. ?Why, this is incredible. I didn?t know they had tomato soup back then.? Ben swiped the page. ?That?s my shopping list. These are the inscriptions found.? Ben handed Indiana the right paper. ?It speaks of the Holy Dribble Cup that Jesus drank from at the Last Supper. The only dribble cup to spill on Jesus? garments.? ?Yes. And it even says where it is. Indie, I need you.? ?I?m sorry, Ben Franklin. I?m not that way.? ?That?s not what I meant! I mean, I need you to find the Holy Dribble Cup!? ?Why?? ?Why? Simple. If we get the Dribble Cup, not only will it be a piece of history, but it?ll reborn the Croissant Factory!? ?but how does getting a Holy Dribble Cup that was used as a prank on Jesus going to save a croissant factory.? ?Be on your way now. And good luck, Indiana Gavin!? ?Look, I never signed up onto this job.? ?You?ll have to because the Australians stole your father.? ?Australians? Stole?? ?Sorry. I mean, the nazis have kidnapped your father!? ?That?s better.? Moments pass after that. Franklin was the one to break the silence. ?Umm? this is where you act surprised and except my offer.? ?Oh is it? Already? Okay? FATHER! When do I begin?? It didn?t take long for them all to find out where the nazis hid out. In fact, they found out right when you were reading this. They now knew the enemy location. The only problem was getting in. Mickey Gavin was locked up in the room when suddenly Indiana rushed in. ?Roger! How did you find me?? Mickey asked. ?I got help and it?s Indiana!? Indiana replied gracefully. ?And how did you get in here?? ?The front door was unlocked.? ?Ah. I see.? ?Now, c?mon. Let?s get moving.? ?Not so fast.? came a familiar voice. Indiana turned around. ?Ben Franklin?? ?Yes! It is I! Ben Franklin.? ?Well, I got my father and I?m going home.? ?Not so fast.? ?You already said that.? ?I know. I just like saying it. Now then, have you forgotten about my little quest?? ?What? The one to find diapers that don?t give a rash?? ?No! That?s later. I mean the one where your finding the Holy Dribble Cup!? ?The Holy Dribble Cup?? Mickey butted in. ?I know where it is.? Ben walked up to Mickey with a gun. ?Then you may be of some help.? ?Ben! Just who?s side are you on? You keep switching. It?s making this story really confusing!? ?Well? I? uh?? ?Let me get this straight. You?re a nazis and you want my father and I to get the Holy Dribble Cup for you. Why kidnap my father then? You could of just asked us to get it for you. Ya know? And another thing, earlier in this story, you said that I?m going to have to find the Dribble Cup because my father was kidnapped. That doesn?t make sense!? ?Knock him out.? And so they did. When Indiana Gavin awoke, he found himself in a large temple that smelled a bit like almonds. ?Wha?? ?Ah. Your awake just in time, Indiana.? Ben Franklin appeared before him. ?Franklin.? ?That?s my name. Don?t wear it out.? ?Huh?? ?I know what you are, but what am I?? ?But-? ?I?m not listening. La, la, la, la, la?? ?Stop it!? ?Sorry. Now then, go get the Holy Dribble Cup!? ?Never!? ?Maybe this will change your mind.? Ben walked up to Mickey and ate a cookie over him. The crumbs landed on Mickey?s face. ?Make him stop!? Indiana?s father cried. ?Alright! I?ll do it!? ?I?m glad you see it my way.? ?I?ll never see it your way.? ?But you just did.? ?Or did I?? Ben made a look and Indiana walked into the temple. This was it. The first test was test of skill. The room was covered in spider webs and very dark. Suddenly, out of nowhere came a chessboard. An old man appeared behind it. ?I am here to test your skill.? he said. ?Win and you may pass. Lose? and get a lollipop. Then you die!? ?Simple enough.? Indiana said and he sat down to play ?Alright. Ready.? ?Excellent. I?ll go first.? ?Why do you get to go first?? ?Well, fine. You go first. ?No. Now I don?t want to.? ?Then I?ll go.? ?Why can?t I go first?? ?You just said-FINE! Go!? ?What?s wrong with the board? Did you poison it?? ?Just go!? And so he did. ?You can?t move a pawn 5 spaces diagonally!? cried the old man. ?What about 5 spaces forward?? ?No!? ?What?s the horsy do?? ?It?s a knight. You can move 3 spaces in an ?L? shape.? ?Why not a ?G? shape?? ?What?? ?Or a ?U? shape?? ?Because that?s the rules!? ?You don?t make good rules.? ?I didn?t make them.? ?Okay. King me.? ?You can?t-GAH!? The old man blew up in frustration for some odd reason. Everyone behind Indiana clapped and urged him on. The second test was of the mind. Indiana stepped into a room and the lights came on revealing a teacher, a desk, and a chair. ?Time for ACTs!? the teacher said evilly. ?NOOOO!!!? cried Indiana who started to run back. ?I can?t do this!? Then he heard a voice from above. ?Don?t run! Help the person you see.? Indiana straightened up and nodded. ?God?s right. I must help father.? Then he ran off. A man was oddly trapped at the top of the ceiling at this time. ?no! Help me, you idiot! I have been up here for 2 years and have been surviving off of dead bugs. Hello? Anyone there? Oh?? Indiana rushed into the classroom, pencil sharpened. ?Bring those ACTs on!? Indie sat down and started working, the thought of cheese in his head. Oh. And his father. Hours later, he finally finished and turned in his test. The teacher graded it and grinned. ?Well,? he said, ?You have gotten an outstanding grade. However, it?s not 100%. It is 99.9%! You failed!? Suddenly, the teacher was mauled by dozens of bugs and eaten alive. Indiana turned around and saw the man hanging from the ceiling waving. ?Go get ?em, Indiana Gavin!? Indiana nodded and ran off to the last challenge. ?Umm.. Wait. Could you get me down first?? The last challenge was to get to the door. But there was a cliff. The other ledge was 2 inches away. ?This looks like a long jump. Here we go.? He leapt and almost didn?t make it, but luckily was able to pull himself up and run through the door. ?He entered the room of the Holy Dribble Cup. It was dark so he flipped the switch on the wall. But to his surprise, a game show emerged and an audience clapped. Indiana was led to a booth which was right next to another of the same kind. Behind the other booth was Ben Franklin! ?Nice to see you here, Indiana.? ?How did you get here?? ?Umm? start the game show!? That?s when an announcer emerged out of nowhere. ?Welcome to ?Let?s Get That Cup?! I?m your host, Talex Mabeck! The rules are simple. There?s dozens of dribble cups, but only one won?t spill on you. Choose wisely or die. Enjoy!? Ben Franklin looked around the cups to see which one it was. Then, he just picked dup a random one and started to drink from it. Unfortunately for him, it spilled all over him and he cried out. ?No! It stained my shirt!? The it was Indiana?s turn. He looked around ?til he saw a wooden one. ?Made by a florist. I mean? made by a carpenter. This must be it.? He picked up and drank from it. It didn?t spill! ?Indiana Gavin is the winner!? yelled the announcer. But the cup was taken by Ben and he went towards the door. ?Give it back!? Indiana shouted angrily. ?Come get it.? That?s when Ben Franklin transformed into a Japanese style war robot. ?Who?s your daddy?? ?Mickey Gavin.? Mickey waved from the audience. ?That?s not what I meant! Now die!? Indiana whipped out his whip and sheepishly whipped a whip mark on Ben?s whipped foot. ?Great whipped potatoes and whip scream that hurts! What in all of God?s Green Goodness did such power come from?? And with that, Ben collapsed defeated. Just then, Mickey ran into the room. ?Robert!? ?It?s Indiana.? ?Yeah, yeah. Good news! The Croissant Factory reopened.? ?Yeah because I just got the dribble cup.? ?No. Because it?s under new management. Mr. Naners the chimp.? ?What?? Indiana threw the cup to the floor in anger and it shattered. Mickey starred in awe. ?That still could?ve gone to a museum.? ?Oops. Let?s run for it!? And so they did. Barely over the 2 inch jump, past the bugs eating some math papers, under the man on the ceiling. ?Help, please. I have an itchy nose.? They soon made it out of the temple before? it stayed perfectly fine. Oh well. ?Well, dad. Let?s go home.? ?Right, Bilbo Baggins.? ?Ugh? forget it.? And so they rode off into the sunset, fell off their horses, ate some beans, and rode off into the sunset once again. [b]The End[/b] [size=1]Or is it? Actually it is.[/size] You like? Long, aye? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jagan Posted February 1, 2003 Share Posted February 1, 2003 What the... What kind of crack... What the heck was that?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragon Warrior Posted February 1, 2003 Author Share Posted February 1, 2003 It's called a story. People tend to write them. Heh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jagan Posted February 1, 2003 Share Posted February 1, 2003 I know. but what the heck? Oh my god, that was hilarious. I fell out of my chair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragon Warrior Posted February 1, 2003 Author Share Posted February 1, 2003 Heh. Thanks. Just odd humor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jagan Posted February 1, 2003 Share Posted February 1, 2003 Hey, are you moving in on my funny guy showspot? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragon Warrior Posted February 1, 2003 Author Share Posted February 1, 2003 Nope. I've been at OB for about 3 years olding that exact spot. I'm about to return with one of my best acts yet if u notice my sig banner ^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jagan Posted February 1, 2003 Share Posted February 1, 2003 True. ok, but dude. lay off the grass for a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sara Posted February 1, 2003 Share Posted February 1, 2003 [size=1]That....was funny.[/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragon Warrior Posted February 1, 2003 Author Share Posted February 1, 2003 Thanx Sara. Odd, right? Heh. And I don't do drugs, Saiyan. It's not right in the head to do that stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jagan Posted February 1, 2003 Share Posted February 1, 2003 I was talking aboout the magic grass of Katsup. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manic Webb Posted February 1, 2003 Share Posted February 1, 2003 I laughed. I cried. I laughed and I cried. One of the funniest [strike]Robert[/strike] Indiana Jones parodies I've read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragon Warrior Posted February 1, 2003 Author Share Posted February 1, 2003 Heh. Thanx Endymion. Sorry, saiyan. I just hear the expression "grass" being used for weed and other assorted drugs too often. It's even over come the grass that grows on lawns O.o Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jagan Posted February 3, 2003 Share Posted February 3, 2003 I know. It's ok. My fault. Crazy story!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragon Warrior Posted February 3, 2003 Author Share Posted February 3, 2003 Yes. Crazy story. heh. Many crazy stories. No problem, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jagan Posted February 4, 2003 Share Posted February 4, 2003 Ok. No hurt feelings, No thuggy henchmen coming after us, No white jackets, No moldy croissants!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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