Writing Sonnet Sequence

[Cora Jane 2]

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[color=blue]Sonnets are a wonderful way to express yourself. I find that many people enjoy poetry, and some enjoy sonnets. I find them hard to write, but when you get writing, it is really neat to see the sonnet sequence. I am starting a sonnet sequence on "Relationships" and this is the first sonnet. There will be more to come later.
-Cora[/color]


[u]Broken[/u]
A broken heart hath I acquired within
My heart with force been ripped and torn apart
A knife did seem to pierce me deep within
But now pain fills my inmost part, my heart
The life that I take part in to grow
It only seems to be within my mind
My heart that?s so broken is a shadow
Of all the love that I just want to find
The emptiness I understand is love
You have placed in me a deeper known fear
Am I left unattended from above
In all that you have done to me it?s clear
Because what?s been done I ask you to see
The loneliness that you left here for me
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[Mitch]

[color=red] It's so-so, but Sonnets are hard for me to write, too. So just stick at it, and I know you'll improve. I myself have only written one sonnet, I'll find it and paste it here now I suppose. It deals with love as does yours. Most sonnets are about love, I'm guessing you knew that already, but yes.

Some of the words you chose to go with the rhyming scheme seemed a bit stale. For example-grow and shadow just don't sound much alike when you say them except for the very ending--the -ow part. It really helps to have clearly stated words in the rhyming, it gives the poem more depth and a better rhythm and better sound. I know how hard it is to find some words that sound good rhyming together, but it's something that you can get better at with time. So just keep writing them, and you'll get better for certain. I know how hard they are. ;)

Edit: Here's my sonnet if you care to read. Again, it isn't all too good, but ah well:

[b][u]Knifed Heart[/b][/u]
Upon my eyes the moon does glow and bestow
this radiance which feel I do all around
the beauty I feel to the ground and so below
yet all the earth alas doth reply is surround

Even though this does the earth still embrace grant
as of god's eternal unend of surmise
so warmly the earth doth penance of scant
like a warmly father of long concise

And is not love of a like size of edge?
a glowing shine upon our steep mortal ties
but alas a knife forever placed upon pledge
that so gently is knifed doth swing of binds

And I see thy radiance of that heart
keeping love in knife of all wounded part[/color]

[Cora Jane 2]

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[color=blue]I like your sonnet as well, it has a different near rhyme. Ties-Binds... I guess that is how you wanted it. Another thing I noticed was the pentameter. Mine are in Iambic(yuk) Pentameter... well I am trying to be in it. You know, the 10 syllables, 5 metric feet. The whole sha-bang. lol. Yours has 11 syllables one line, 12 the next, then like 9, and once in a while there was 10. I guess I noticed that as I was saying it. I notice the small random things that most don't notice. I also wanted to let you know, I did know that sonnets were about love. It is really funny, because I have to write these sonnets for school, and well we have some of the girls writing theirs about snow and their dislike of winter storms. I find it entertaining. Ah well... Thanks for sharing your poetry. Here is the second sonnet.[/color]

[u]Memories[/u]
When I ask that this pain would go away
All I receive back is a thought of you
That thought plays in my head all through the day
Still you plague me, my mind wanders to you
The music that you played for me to sing
It?s all that I can only seem to dream
This is what all the memories still bring
When I feel all that is inside I scream
One thing that?s still part of me is guitar
One thing that I have kept wanting to try
I still can hear you playing songs afar
The memories you have left make me cry
You are all that I dream of still to see
I wish that the memories could free me

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[Mitch]

[color=red] Heh, I didn't say I'm [i]perfect[/i], did I? Sonnets just don't seem to be my thing, but that's because I'm so very used to free form. Yeah, free form's more my thing. As with everything, I need to practice writing sonnets more. Blah.

As for the second sonnet, I found it to be a level higher and better. I can already see some small improvements. :)[/color]

[Cora Jane 2]

[font=arial][size=1][color=blue]Thanks, and no I know you didn't say you were perfect, I was just critiquing. lol. Ah well... thanks for the comment, hopefully I will have enough sonnets for Literature class tomorrow... 10 of them... lol... Well I also am much better at free verse, and prefer it over the sonnet style. Well anywho, back to the sonnet writing.
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[Cora Jane 2]

[font=arial][size=1][color=blue]I guess this would be the next one to post. This it the third one that I have written in the last 3 days. Enough from me... here's the sonnet. [/color]

[u]Wasting Away[/u]
My mind?s wasting away, thinking of you
You are the one that I still want to feel
You always said that you?d be there, I knew
Your love is missing from my life I?ll deal
What am I supposed to do with you gone
When I left you, it hit me like a bomb
Yet I always find myself dreaming on
And I keep wondering how I stay calm
My soul seems that it is wasting away
All things in my life seem to fall apart
The thoughts and feelings only seem to sway
Yet it seems that you have stolen my heart
Everyone tells me that I should just see
How there?s many other fish in the sea
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[vegeta rocker]

i like them, the rhyme is a bit questionable but i know rhyming isn't as easy as it looks. I look forward to more of your sonnets and other ordinary poetry. Thats where i can give you some real feedback.