Guest Chris Posted March 1, 2003 Share Posted March 1, 2003 [COLOR=green]i've never writen poetry before, but here goes nothing. why? every day, i think of you. every night, i dream of you. i spend evey waking moment, asking myself the same question. why? every time i see a child, i think of you. every time a school bus passes, i think of you, and ask myself the same question. why? every time i think of you, it's like eating my own flesh. i want to die, just drift away. atleast then i wouldn't, feel all this pain. why? it really scarred me, what you said, while i sit there defenceless, crying . . . i know it was years ago, but the wound is still there, bleeding . . . and now there is just one more question. why? well, any feedback would be apreciated. don't be too harsh because 1) i'm a beginer and 2) i'm only 14.[/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted March 1, 2003 Share Posted March 1, 2003 [color=red] That was pretty good for just a first poem. It's even better than my first. It's pretty powerful, at least to me. So what I say is keep writing, you'll improve more and more as you do it. Very good for a first try.[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Chris Posted March 1, 2003 Share Posted March 1, 2003 [COLOR=green]thanks. here's another. him i see the hate inside you, the burden in your will, the rage that sets the fuse, the fuse that makes you kill. this rage is your defence, it's all that keeps you sane. it's the only thing that keeps him, from comsuming your brain. what would you do without it, if he suddenly gave in? would you finally be happy, or become another him? is that what you want, to be another him? is it jelousy that drives you, to comit all of this sin? you say you want to halp him, to save him is your goal, but take a look at your fruit. who needs to change your soul. and just so you know, that wasn't my first poem. i started writing sunday, and i have like 13 now.[/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KittyLynn Posted March 1, 2003 Share Posted March 1, 2003 [COLOR=deeppink]I like them both. Thankx for the pleasure you have brought me![/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Chris Posted March 1, 2003 Share Posted March 1, 2003 [COLOR=green]thanks. here's two more. happy? are you happy? are you glad? did it help to stick that knife, through my chest? did peircing my heart, make your's flow with joy? is it when i burn, that you're at your best? did slashing my back, make you high? did you laugh at the fact, that i might die? is it a comforting thought, that i'll always bleed? is my pain, all you really need? are you happy? are you glad? did it help to stick that knife, through my chest? did peircing my heart, make your's flow with joy? is it when i burn, that you're at your best? even though i sufer, from all that you main, atleast i know that someone's happy, because of all this pain.[/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subversive Posted March 1, 2003 Share Posted March 1, 2003 nice my friend. Very nice, you abviously like writing about broken dreams, hearts, and lives. Thats your style I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Chris Posted March 1, 2003 Share Posted March 1, 2003 [color=green]opps . . . i forgot to post friends. here goes friends it was fun while it lasted, those times that we shared, those nights we spent partying, getting wasted all night long. we shot up like cannons, when zack's parents were out. remember how he got lucky, with the girl in the thong? mark got high on crack, while playing truth or dare, and broke out of that exon, shirt stuffed with forty beers. we thought it was a blast, getting high all the time, wasted day and night, through those four sinful years. but since i've been baptized, you went to war with my soul. i never would have dreamed, it would come down to this. i know you killed my brother, and now i crave revenge, but thanks to my great savior, i have the strength to resist.[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KittyLynn Posted March 1, 2003 Share Posted March 1, 2003 I like the first two better then the ones about happiness and friends, since...its all about killing and...not happiness.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booboo Posted March 5, 2003 Share Posted March 5, 2003 I love them all better than what I can do. Nice job my friend. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tasrai Posted March 6, 2003 Share Posted March 6, 2003 [COLOR=green]There is only one word to decribe those poems, WOW!!! And there is only one word to describe what I feel, ENVY....... And two words of advice I have to give, KEEP WRITING...... Now if you'll excuse me *wipes drool of keyboard*[/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Chris Posted March 8, 2003 Share Posted March 8, 2003 [color=green]o.O . . . . ok . . . . well, i'm glad you like them. here's another. [i]forgiveness[/i] i know what you did, i know why you did it. so why do you keep asking, for me to forgive it? you keep asking and asking, and i tell you the same. have you once found me, yet to complain? i've already told you, it's already been said. so why do you keep asking, and wishing you were dead? you can stop asking, for it's already been done, since that unforgetable day, when i gave my only son.[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shinkoru Posted March 8, 2003 Share Posted March 8, 2003 I like all your poems. Nice work, really. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhys Mayiessen Posted March 8, 2003 Share Posted March 8, 2003 [color=skyblue]Wow I love you're poems!!!!!! They're all so sad though. Is something in your life making you sad or something...you don't have to tell I'm just asking...[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Chris Posted March 9, 2003 Share Posted March 9, 2003 [color=green]no, i just write dark poems, but how is forgiveness sad? anyway, here's a sonnet that i wrote for english. [i]beyond[/i] i've told you this once and i'll tell you again, it doesn't matter how much you burn me, my love will stay strong, i'll never give in. are you people so blind that you cannot see, the fear of God burns strong inside my heart? it's a fire that burns and just won't kill. it's a love beyond all that is stalwart, so give me all you got, do what you will. my king defeated yours a long time past, when he gave his son to die on the cross. i was amazed that his love was so vast, he would bring me joy at such a great loss. even now, when i repent all my sin, his loving grace makes it so that i win. please rate, and be honest. don't give me a higher rating because of my age or because i'm a beginer. black rose said i should make a book of poems, but i don't think i'm good enough. what do you think? be honest.[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KittyLynn Posted March 10, 2003 Share Posted March 10, 2003 [COLOR=deeppink]Happiness.And I mean real happy..Write about that! Not this dark stuff. It would be more enjoyable.[/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Chris Posted March 10, 2003 Share Posted March 10, 2003 [COLOR=green]ok, well here goes . . . your skin is so smooth, and soft to the touch. i just can't help it, i love you so much. your hair is so beutiful, not a strand out of place, with the fragrent of roses, like your beautiful face. your voice is magnifacent, like honey to my ears. it's a sound i'll always carry, for the rest of my years. your smile is like a becan, of light from gabrial. when i'm feeling down, you make me feel special. my love for you's eternal, and will always stay the same, but i'll never be truly happy, for you don't even know my name.[/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KittyLynn Posted March 10, 2003 Share Posted March 10, 2003 [COLOR=deeppink]Thats a very nice one..It very pretty. I liked it very much. You have a lot a talent.^_^[/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booboo Posted March 23, 2003 Share Posted March 23, 2003 Well I think you should make a book of poems and I'm not saying this becuz of your age cuz you know I'm younger then you. You have an awsome talent,keep writing. I don't think he should have any a happy poems(if he doesn't want any) dark poemsmaybe it's just the way he likes to write )though it doesnt matter if it's happy or sad it's still good). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tasrai Posted April 2, 2003 Share Posted April 2, 2003 I think you should make a book with all your poems in it, I know I would buy it, you really do have a talent. ^_^ I'm not saying this because of anything I'm only judging by your poems, I mean if that Silverstien guy can make books about nonsense poems about tripping on shoelaces and falling up and about parents that are broken and going to the parent store, then you certainly make a book with your poems, they are really very good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KittyLynn Posted April 2, 2003 Share Posted April 2, 2003 [COLOR=deeppink]Write more! I'd really like to hear the,..Or read them, same thing..Anways, post more![/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eleanor Posted June 3, 2003 Share Posted June 3, 2003 WOW. O_o You're a great poet. ::mutters about self:: I suck... Well, all of the poems are really good, and they're so sad! T_T You have a lot of talent! ::gushes more:: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Chris Posted June 3, 2003 Share Posted June 3, 2003 [color=green]thanks. now that i look back on it, i'm not too crazy about the friends poem. it's a little weird and poorly writen.[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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