BigCajones Posted March 4, 2003 Share Posted March 4, 2003 [COLOR=teal]Well I'm not sure if this thread is already present on the boards, but I will give it a try. I only decided to create this thread after hearing a real lame joke today. Here I go ... There was a 0 and an 8 and the 0 said why don't you take your belt off. :therock: Something along the lines of that and I actually did laugh, but not because of the humour of the joke, more of the ignorance behind it. Anyway I suppose I can be quiet I have never been a good joke teller and most funny ones are plain rude. I was wondering if any of you OB members have any classic or lame jokes. Now you can either input a joke so us other members are left trying to guess the answer or just simply tell the joke as it is if it's too complex. If you post to comment on a joke try and put some effort into it please! :) Also please try and keep it clean to some extent, maybe use spoilers if it has an essence of rudeness/naughtiness. ;) [b]Have fun and maybe even I will try and think of some ... Oh God no! :laugh:[/b][/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Zeh Posted March 4, 2003 Share Posted March 4, 2003 [color=003399]Ohhh, i have one!!! try to guess the answer! [spoiler]Why'd the chicken cross the road?[/spoiler][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigCajones Posted March 4, 2003 Author Share Posted March 4, 2003 Lol I knew someone would have to do this one. You don't really need spoiler tags for the the question lol. ;) Well maybe to get to the other side you just never know. That's like the good old classic why did the tomato stop? Anyone else with big, long jokes, that are moderately funny although we all love classic jokes like the chicken crossing the road. I swear the chicken was running away from KFC though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TLOL_Vash Posted March 4, 2003 Share Posted March 4, 2003 lol, wow that was a bad joke :| a jelly baby goes to a bar with a smarty, the smarty has his back, but the jelly baby is still worried someone will try to eat him, the smarty tells him it's safe and powerfully protects his gelatinous babyish friend, until eventually a tune comes along and eats off the jelly baby's arms and legs "why didn't you help me" explains the paraplanegic jelly baby "I'm not fighting him!! he's monethol!!" replies the smarty (if you're american and they don't have tunes there, they're cold lozenges with monehthol and such in to clear your nose) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sara Posted March 4, 2003 Share Posted March 4, 2003 [size=1]Heisenberg walked into a bar. ...Maybe. If you don't get it, it won't be funny when it's explained, so I'm not gonna bother.[/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shinobi Posted March 4, 2003 Share Posted March 4, 2003 Well, i have laods of jobs, but they are all far to Adultary for the Boards, but i do have a few, this one has had the swearing took out...:( without swear words, a joke isn't as funny (my opinion). A piece of string walks into a bar and says "Hey, Give me a pint!". The bartender replies "WHA? NO! YOR A PEICE OF STRING! OFF WITH YOU!". So the string walks out pretty deprressed, but has an idea. So when he get's outside he ties a knot in himself and spikes up his hair and waddles back in and says "Hey, Give me a pint!". Once again the abrtender replies "NO! Aint you that peice of string that was in here two minutes ago". "No, not me" replied the string, "Yeah it was, it was you!" accused the bardenter, then the string said [spoiler]"Nope, I'm [b]A Fraid Knot[/b]!"[/spoiler] BARUMPABUM *Crash Cymbal* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blade Posted March 4, 2003 Share Posted March 4, 2003 I heard this joke from one of my friends. I dont know whether to laugh or punch him... Two men are walking down the street. One is eating a packet of jelly babies. The first man offers the second man a jelly baby. The second man reaches in the bag and pulls out a handful of jelly babies. However, the second man realises that his ring was gone(off his finger). He asks the first man "do you know where my ring has gone???" The first man replies [spoiler]"the black one nicked it!!!"[/spoiler] Regards Blade:naughty: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bing Posted March 4, 2003 Share Posted March 4, 2003 [size=1][color=darkblue]Cajones, that was lame. I have a few here, that suck completely. Why is 6 scared of 7? [spoiler]Because 7 8 9...7 ate 9 in case you didn't get that![/spoiler] A man walks into a bar [spoiler]Ouch[/spoiler] Two sausages are in a frying pan. One goes to the other 'God, this is boring aint it', and the other one goes [spoiler]OH MY GOD, A F**KING TALKING SAUSAGE![/spoiler] Oops, that was a bit explicit. Anyway, I'm done. Hope you're entertained, oh, and one more... Why bit the lobster steal my grandma's car? [spoiler]Because they're shellfish![/spoiler][/color][/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigCajones Posted March 4, 2003 Author Share Posted March 4, 2003 [color=purple]Lol just to classify it was supposed to be lame! I agree with Shinobi when most funny jokes involve swear words or well anything naughty! :naughty: I enjoy the good old classic jokes thanks for them Alexus. They suck, but have such weird humour to them anyway. It's probably because I'm really slow when it comes down to long jokes, but I managed to get most of those... MOST. Hmm I'm not sure if rude jokes are allowed or any about notorious people i.e. Hitler and Osama Bin Laden? Can any mod tell me how rude jokes can go, because they are the classic ones most people enjoy, not always ... [b]Explicit toilet humour all the way!!![/b][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TLOL_Vash Posted March 5, 2003 Share Posted March 5, 2003 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Blade [/i] [B]I heard this joke from one of my friends. I dont know whether to laugh or punch him... Two men are walking down the street. One is eating a packet of jelly babies. The first man offers the second man a jelly baby. The second man reaches in the bag and pulls out a handful of jelly babies. However, the second man realises that his ring was gone(off his finger). He asks the first man "do you know where my ring has gone???" The first man replies [spoiler]"the black one nicked it!!!"[/spoiler] Regards Blade:naughty: [/B][/QUOTE] that's the dumbest joke ever, it's only got a punch line if you realise it's a racists 84574|2|] joke :S you need better censor scripts guys...I'm not gonna say how I view em in case anyone else does it but it's easy to see what's behind em Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Semjaza Posted March 5, 2003 Share Posted March 5, 2003 While I don't like the joke, and it shouldn't have been posted die to obvious reasons... that isn't the censor script. Why would that even be censored? There were no actual bad words in it. That's the spoiler tag, and it's designed so you can highlight and read stuff that maybe you wouldn't want to see otherwise. Obviously, it doesn't do what you think it does and you definately haven't figured out some big secret lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wrist cutter Posted March 5, 2003 Share Posted March 5, 2003 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by TLOL_Vash [/i] [B]you need better censor scripts guys...I'm not gonna say how I view em in case anyone else does it but it's easy to see what's behind em [/B][/QUOTE] I'll give out the SUPER DEEP DARK SECRET: highlight the text. Anyway, it's not really to hide the answer, just to keep one from reading the punchline before the rest of the joke. Why don't women wear watches? [spoiler]Because there's a clock on the stove.[/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sara Posted March 5, 2003 Share Posted March 5, 2003 [size=1]I've always liked the Frayed Knot joke. ^_^ Jokes don't have to be of poor taste to be funny. *stifles a laugh* wrist cutter....ouch... *mutters*[/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senor Ding Dong Posted March 5, 2003 Share Posted March 5, 2003 There are 3 guys in a plane. The indian guy goes "My life sucks!"so he shoots a Arrow out the window. The black guy goes "My life sucks!"so he shoots a bullet out the window. The white guy goes "My life sucks!"so he throws a Nuke out the window. THe indian guy goes home, and his kid is crying. "Why are you crying?"The kid answers, "an arrow shot mommy thru the head!" THe Blakc guy goes home, and his kid is crying. "Why are you crying?"The kid answers, "an bullet shot mommy thru the head!" The white guy goes home, and a kid is laughting his butt off. "Why are you laughing?" asked the kid. The kid replies"I told my brother to pull my finger, and the house blew up!" ....stupid joke. I know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sui Generis Posted March 5, 2003 Share Posted March 5, 2003 What did the fish say when he ran into a concrete wall? [spoiler]Damn ;)[/spoiler] A man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him with a weird look. The man laughs and points to the 10 inch pionists on his shoulder. The bartender nods confused. The man hands him a lamp and says, "If you rub this lamp then wish for something it will come true!" The bartender being bored agreed to it and rubbed the lamp. "I was to have a million dollars!" Suddenly a million docks swarmed into the place. After they all left trashing the place completely, the bartender looked at the man angrely. "I thought you said my wish would be granted!" The man looked at him then slowly said, "And you think I asked for a ten inch pianist." The man slowly looked down then back up. Don't Read Unless You're A Bit Older!: [spoiler]The man asked for a 10 inch penis[/spoiler] Wrist Cutter that was nice...harsh but nice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinzouningen17 Posted March 5, 2003 Share Posted March 5, 2003 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Tasis [/i] [B][color=003399]Why'd the chicken cross the road?[/color] [/B][/QUOTE] Because he saw 2 brothas behind him wit biscuits in their hand. Chicken: "You aint about to make me into no 2 piece!" Alright, heres one. What are the 3 main animals that every [b]woman[/b] wants to have.... Answer: [spoiler]A mink in her closet. A jaguar in her garage. And a jacka$$ to pay for it all.[/spoiler] :D Yeah, I know its an old joke, but still. I think its funny anyway(since I know that thats how a good bit of women are. ^_^) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JCBaggee Posted March 5, 2003 Share Posted March 5, 2003 [color=red][font=arial][size=1]Trouble, Shutup, and Manners are walking through the forest when Trouble gets lost! So, Shutup and Manners go to the police station. Manners waits outside while Shutup goes in. So, Shutup walks in and asks for a Police Officer. The officer says "Okay, what's your name?' "Shutup" "What?! Son, that's not funny. Now, what's your name?" "Shutup" "Son, are you looking for trouble?" "Yes!" "Where are your manners?!" "Outside!" Yeah, I know, fairly stupid. I know some really good ones, but they won't fly on the boards. So dirty... --Chris[/color][/font][/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeebs Posted March 5, 2003 Share Posted March 5, 2003 I know one: A blonde, brunette, and red-head were put in front of a firing squad. They went up to the brunette and asked if she had any last words. She said "Yeah. TORNADO!" They turned around and she ran away. So they went up to the red-head and asked if she had any last words. She said "Yeah. TIDAL WAVE!" They turned around and she ran away. Then they went up to the blonde and asked if she had any last words. She said "Yeah. FIRE!" and they shot her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest postbagboy Posted March 5, 2003 Share Posted March 5, 2003 heh... blonde joke. no offense you blondes, since i am blonde. sorta. i blonde was on one side of a lake and a blonde on the other. one asked "how do you get on the other side?" "YOU ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE!" XD. yeah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Musahi Posted March 5, 2003 Share Posted March 5, 2003 Ok, time to go old school on all of you. :D 1 blone and 2 brown haired girls rob a bank. After that they all go and hide in a farm house. The first brown haired girl hides in the chicken place, the second hides with the horses, and the blonde hides with the potatoes. The cops poke their heads in the chicken coop and say, "Is there anyone in there?", the brown haired girl replies, "Bawk, Bawk, Bawk. Next they check the horse house and ask "Is there anyone in there?" the second brown haired girl replies, "Neigh, Neigh". Then they check the potato hut and ask "Is anyone in there?" and the blonde says "PO-TA-TO". What do blondes and railroad tracks have in common? [spoiler]They have been laid all over the country![/spoiler] What does Tickle Me Elmo get before he leaves the factory? [spoiler]Two Test Tickles![/spoiler] Most of the jokes posted here are pretty alright, I'll have to use them some time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jesus Chicken Posted March 5, 2003 Share Posted March 5, 2003 Shock Treatment would have been funnier, depsite not making any sense at all. Wow... And I thought my Dad had really crappy jokes. Ok, he does. Here are a few for those of us lucky enough not to have actually met my father, and had to put up with so called, "Jokes" Q.What happenned to the cow who ate the gramaphone needle A.He got moosic, moosic, moosic (pronounced muusic) ITS TERRIBLE! I Like seafood, See food, and eat IT! MAKE IT STOP!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest cloricus Posted March 5, 2003 Share Posted March 5, 2003 Raven will get very pissed at me for telling this before her. What do you call a cow with no legs? [spoiler]GroundBeef[/spoiler] ...And yes as newt will explain this is where "Beef Platoon" comes from. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Roboto Posted March 5, 2003 Share Posted March 5, 2003 Rich man and poor man are both married and have their aniversaries on the same night. after they both have dinner with their wives, they go to the bar to talk about what they got for their wife. Rich man says " I got her a diamond ring and a new porsche." Poor man asks "Why the car?" So if she doesnt like the ring she can drive to the jewelers and return it. Poor man says he got his wife a nice pair of slippers and a vibrator. Rich man says "Why the vibrator?" Poor mans reply... "If she doesnt like the slippers she can go **** herself." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tommy Vercetti Posted March 5, 2003 Share Posted March 5, 2003 Hmmmm I don't know if this joke has been posted but i am going to try and remember as much of it as i can so i may get some parts wrong. There were 3 tomatos, a daddy tomato, mummy tomato and a little baby tomato and they were walking along the road one day and the little baby tomato was falling behind as he couldnt catch up with his mum and dad. His dad told him to hurry up and stick with them. Then all of a sudden a car swerved across the road and squashed the baby tomato. The dad and mummy tomato then stopped to see where the baby tomato was and they saw him squashed in the road and the daddy tomato said `Ketchup` Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shinobi Posted March 5, 2003 Share Posted March 5, 2003 I got a new one...Hehehehe. What happens to Musicians after they die? [spoiler]They [b]DECOMPOSE[/b][/spoiler] Ok another: (I have edited this a lot e.g. Took out the swearing :() There is a Rich guy and an Average paid guy, not too fancy ye know? Anyway, the Rich guys goes..."Here Bob, I just got one of them wee planes to zoom about in, d'ya wanna see it?". "Sure!" said Bob as they went away and climbed into the plane. So anyway, after putting it through it's paces, looping and nose dives and so on the Rich guys says "So what d'ya think of it?". "It's GREAT! Amazing view too eh?". The Rich man nods "Yup, great when yo----" *dies*. Bob starts to panic flicking all the switches and turning knobs when suddenly ground control come on. "Hello Ground Control, your aircraft seems to be wavering in the air and seems to be out of control do you have a problem?". "AYE! My pals just dies on me! And i don't have a clue how to fly this thing AND i think we're upside down. "Okay sir and what give you that idea?". Bob shouts at the top of his voice [spoiler][b]"CRAP IS COMING OUTTA MY COLLAR!"[/b][/spoiler] LMAO!...God Bless You Billy Connelly! That joke is so much better live, becuase i know all the hand actions and expressions, most of my jokes are about 10x funnier done in person...*sigh* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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