Guest Gunslinger Posted March 4, 2003 Share Posted March 4, 2003 Hello everyone. First of all I would like to say that I am a previous member of the earlier versions of the Otaku BOards. Due to some things going on in my life, I left the boards and have been absent from them for a while. Who I was, is really of no importance because I due believe I have changed and am no longer that person. Anyway on to my post. One thing I loved about the boards when I was here is that everyone is wiling to help and comfort you when you are down and have problems. Well once again I am having problems and am in need of your help and comfort. My problem is this: I am pretty much getting the cold shoulder by my girlfriend. Thing is we have been friends for years, best friends. We finally get together and now she is acting all differently. Before we were a couple, she would do things with me, I would go over to her house and we would just be together and have fun. She has always been in love with me but I never felt the same until recently. All this changed though. When we became a couple it was like I didnt matter any more. Im just real confused. My understanding is, if you really care about someone, you show it. Or at least act like it sometimes. She spends more time with everyone else than me, she is even having her x boyfriend that she recently broke up with come over one day and everytime i aks to come see her she says no cause she doesnt feel well or has something to do. I dunno its just wierd. She wont show affection or anything, its like i dont matter anymore. I dont really know what to say about it, its just wierd. Dont get me wrong, Im not saying I have to be the only person in her life and the most important one at that. Just the way she is acting has kinda made me upset. I mean, how would you feel if you had not seen your girlfriend in a week, and when you do she seems more interested in her other friends. Then gives another guy a hug and doesnt give you one. I mean to me something is definetly up. I know my problems may seem petty and small to others but please if you have time post a comment. Just comment about what you think is up or what you would do in this situation. Please help, and thanks in advance to anyone who can offer some advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cora Jane 2 Posted March 4, 2003 Share Posted March 4, 2003 [font=arial][size=1]Well, I guess I kind of know what you mean. I know, yeah I'm a girl and all, but, this kind of happened to me before I ended up dumping my now, ex boyfriend. Before we became an 'item' he was like all wanting to be with me, and trying to cuddle and all that... but yeah, so when we started going out, things were still kind of there, but then there were times when he was like, 'I have plans, sorry to break our date' or 'My brother and I are going to hang out' or 'I have band practice' (he's in a band). So yeah, I know what you mean. What I personally would do is try to wait it out a little longer, and see what happens, if nothing changes I would dump her... I know it seems odd for a girl telling you to dump your girl, but stuff like that shouldn't happen in a relationship. Tell her, you don't want breaking up with her to get in the way of your friendship... (that is if you still intend on being friends). That's what me and my friend did, and we are like best friends. I guess I've said what I was gonna say, plus some... so there you go. [color=green] ~*~Frogger~*~[/font][/size][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wrist cutter Posted March 4, 2003 Share Posted March 4, 2003 Looks like she's about to dump you, so dump her first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GotenksSSJ343 Posted March 4, 2003 Share Posted March 4, 2003 I'm very sorry with your current problem and bestwishes for you to cheer up. Anyway well I think like Frogie said wait awhile if she still tends to "avoid" you when you want to speak with her again do your best to be patient until she is ready to talk. But if she contiues to act the way you've explained and if you keep getting more upset then I if I were you would go to her at a time you'll know she isn't doing anything or go right up to her and explain to her you need to talk ASAP or right then and there and you don't want to lose your frinedship and you postively have to talk to her. It may sound harsh but hurting your self is no better. Sorry if you think I'm a bit weird but I really hope you get back together soon. And when you do talk ask her in a nicest politest way possible why she's acting diffrent or to you seems to be diffrent. Best wishes. Benji (no not the dog :P) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry Posted March 5, 2003 Share Posted March 5, 2003 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Gunslinger [/i] [B]My problem is this: I am pretty much getting the cold shoulder by my girlfriend. Thing is we have been friends for years, best friends. We finally get together and now she is acting all differently. Before we were a couple, she would do things with me, I would go over to her house and we would just be together and have fun. She has always been in love with me but I never felt the same until recently. All this changed though. When we became a couple it was like I didnt matter any more. Im just real confused. My understanding is, if you really care about someone, you show it. Or at least act like it sometimes. She spends more time with everyone else than me, she is even having her x boyfriend that she recently broke up with come over one day and everytime i aks to come see her she says no cause she doesnt feel well or has something to do. I dunno its just wierd. She wont show affection or anything, its like i dont matter anymore. I dont really know what to say about it, its just wierd. [/b][/quote] Just dump her man, she obviously doesn't like you that much anymore. That's also why you shouldn't EVER go out with best friends, because the chance of keeping them as a friend is almost none. [quote][b]I know my problems may seem petty and small to others but please if you have time post a comment. Just comment about what you think is up or what you would do in this situation. Please help, and thanks in advance to anyone who can offer some advice. [/B][/QUOTE] Your problems aren't petty at all. I mean she's letting the ex into the house and not you, that's a VERY clear sign. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gunslinger Posted March 5, 2003 Share Posted March 5, 2003 Well since I posted, I have talked to her. She tells me that she still feels wierd about the whole thing. I mean used to when we were just friends we didnt care much what the other thought, you know. But now that we are together she is scared of saying something to me or doing something to me that I wont like and she doesnt want to make me mad. Which I understand this cause I have felt this way too. I guess anyone does when they are with someone they really care about. She tells me she just needs some time to get used to it. Now if this is true, its something that Ican live with. Actually it relieves a whole lot of stress. And I cant just break up with her. I mean I can but I wont. Theres too much history between us to just dump her. I mean I will if I have to but definetly not now. I would much rather try to work it out. I mean, my summary above was not that great. There is a lot more between us than I wrote, and you would have to know us and our friends to get a good ideal of the situation. So hopefuly the problems is solved. Im not sure though, I will have to see how things go. Prom is this saturday so hopefully we will have a good time. Thanks for your help, all those that posted. I will return the favor whenever needed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yu Law Posted March 5, 2003 Share Posted March 5, 2003 um...I guess so sometimes it is a little hard to first get into a relationship and mke it feel natural but man....THE EX THING!Whats up with that.I mean thats the part that throws me off. Most of my exs kinda um....hate me but even if we were still friends it would be a lot weirder to have them over my house than my new girlfriend. How would she feel if youhad sme ex over your house while she's sittin at home?? I bet you wouldn't be talking to her for a long time man. I'm not sayin dump her like everyone else but I am saying that I don' think that its all over like you think it is...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry Posted March 5, 2003 Share Posted March 5, 2003 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Yu Law [/i] [B]um...I guess so sometimes it is a little hard to first get into a relationship and mke it feel natural but man....THE EX THING![/B][/QUOTE] Exactly, it's alright if she doens't feel comfortable or wahtever stupid excuse she has, but having the ex overshows somwething WEIRD is going on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queen Asuka Posted March 5, 2003 Share Posted March 5, 2003 [color=hotpink][size=1]Alright, well here's my opinion, and this is probably the case. So you say she's been into for years? Well, the fact that you didn't feel the same way, probably just amplified her feelings. She loved you even more because she couldn't have you. Ever heard of playing hard to get? That's probably what you were in her eyes. Now that she has you, it's like the game is over. There's no challenge anymore. The thrill is up. Now she has to decide whether she really likes you or whether she was just "playing the game." It's up to you to see through this.[/color][/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Macaiodh Posted March 5, 2003 Share Posted March 5, 2003 [color=darkblue]Asuka took the words right out of my mouth. I've had this exact same thing happen to me so many times. The more a guy I like seems to be not interested, the more infatuated I become. When they eventually ask me out, I'm all in the thrill of victory for about a day, then totally bored & ready to move on. It sounds horrible, but that's the way it is. And don't ask me why people do it, either, because I have no conceivable idea. Or maybe she mistook her friendship feelings for romantic. You're going to need to talk to her about that.[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gunslinger Posted March 6, 2003 Share Posted March 6, 2003 No!!! Ladies, thats not the good stuff I want to hear...lol I do know what you mean though and yes I have addressed the issue with her. And the ex-thing, is still kinda an unsure thing. Like I said you would have to know us and our history to really understand the way things are. Its hard to explain but I dont really feal threatened by the ex, Im just jealous you know. I mean, im just the type of guy who gets jealous easily if my g/f pays attention to another guy. Its not really that big a deal though, I get over it. Im not going to tell her that she cant see him just becuase im jealous. Now if other things were suspected of going on I would step in but they are not. Today was better too. I could tell that after we talked she changed a little bit, it was like she felt a little more comfortable now. Not completly but somewhat. Like I said the whole thing is just complicated. I think the main thing is I get to paranoid or something. I got to understand that things wont be the perfect little world that I visualize in my head, you know what I mean. I do think that she is acting that way because it feels wierd though. I mean we have been really best friends for a while. So you know it would kinda be wierd if you think about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hikaru Ichijyo Posted March 6, 2003 Share Posted March 6, 2003 I think this happens to everyone in a relationship at one point or another everyone needs space and maybe your girlfriend is just adjusting to the whole situation. Give her a little time and space that's what most women want or so I've heard. Just don't give too much space and keep a vigil eye. Chances are you're worrying over nothing ^_^. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anubis_zoe2003 Posted April 3, 2003 Share Posted April 3, 2003 who in this place hs a prblem that i can help u guys with? email me if u have any questions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anubis_zoe2003 Posted April 3, 2003 Share Posted April 3, 2003 and for those gurls that are having problems i can help its easyier for me cause i do actually understand what happens! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anubis_zoe2003 Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 [QUOTE=Queen Asuka][color=hotpink][size=1]Alright, well here's my opinion, and this is probably the case. So you say she's been into for years? Well, the fact that you didn't feel the same way, probably just amplified her feelings. She loved you even more because she couldn't have you. Ever heard of playing hard to get? That's probably what you were in her eyes. Now that she has you, it's like the game is over. There's no challenge anymore. The thrill is up. Now she has to decide whether she really likes you or whether she was just "playing the game." It's up to you to see through this.[/color][/size][/QUOTE] see that could be right but at the same time it couldnt be the reason for why she acts differently around him its just that she eigther still has feelings about her ex or she could still be unsure, ive had a problem like tht before to, ive known this girl for a really long time, like 6 years and me my uncle my aunt my cousin and his girlfriend and my ex went out to eat and i just showed her that theres more to me that meets the eye and her friends and my friends statred telling me that she liked me and so me being so gulible i asked her out, as the months went by we shared so many moments together she even wanted to have my child but i wasnt ready for that but as the months rolled by she started to change she started to go to all kinds of parties without me she wouldnt come home until 3 in the mourning which worried me but i let it slipp until one day she came home with 4 hickies on her neck she thought she was slick because she was wearing a turtle neck shirt, when i saw that i got so pissed i didnt kno what to do i aksed her what was going on but she stayed quiet and when i asked her why she didnt have an awnser for my questions she said that she was just listening but in all actuallity she was ignoring everything i said, while i was going through this i had found out that her best friend was in love with me but i was still with my ex, then one day my ex got caught cheating on me with my best friend that took the cake right there i wanted to kill him but i took the better side and said forget it i give up its over and i walked out, then i started to replay the whole story in my head and everytime i did it took away some of my spirit and the only thing that helped me was her best friend that was in love with me because she showed me the true meaning of compassion she helped me forget about my ex but then things started to go down hill after a while, i stopped going to the appartments in which both my ex and her friend lived in and when i did go back things were different everyone was like "hey stranger" and other things like that and i had also heard that my ex found herself another sapp to follow her around like a lap dog and that they broke up for a week and she was looking for me as a rebound i wasnt having that, but ever since then ive been rubbing every success iv made i her face because i told her while we were dating that i wanted to share my days with her and she ruined it, but now im going out with a beautiful girl who has all of priorities down and she shows me so much love that ive forgotten about my ex but i still love my ex alot but i know that i can never happen again and shes hurt by the fact that its true, what about her friend you say? till this day ive only gotten a hold of her once everyone keeps telling me she mad at me and everytime i try to call and apologize and tell her what went on in my life, shes never there but i guess love has its webbs that i weeves and if ur a guy dumb enough to get caught in the middle you better pray that your strong enough to deal with the bite this was my story Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PAche Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 well this might be abit too late but yea, i do agree with asuka.maybe you should have a good long talk with her in private, expressing your doubts and insecurities and let her tell you what she feels as well.i know you've talked to her already but...it still sounds abit superficial to me. i may not be in a relationship, in fact i've never been in a relationship, but i've done quite a bit of counselling for my friends who are and i can say that most of the time my instincts are right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panda Posted June 22, 2005 Share Posted June 22, 2005 This post is from back in 2003! Please do not bring back long dead threads. Because of the age of this thread and the triple postings (which is against the rules of the site) I am locking this old thread. Panda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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